Chapter Text
Rayla’s eyes shot open as her mind was returned to her body. In an instant, she was transported from the darkness of the void back into the cavern, the real world; but it all happened so fast she could barely process what was going on. With a horrified gasp, she reeled backwards and fell to the floor, scooting away several feet from the sphere before stopping as though Viren would be coming through after her at any moment.
She was completely disoriented, having been totally immersed in the simulation only seconds before. Her eyes blinked rapidly as they adjusted to the light, and she held her shaking hands out in front of her, expecting to see blood. There was none, of course; it had all been part of the illusion of the simulation. However, Rayla was having a hard time shaking the image of Viren sneering down at her, continuing to hear his words play over and over in her mind. To her, it was all very real, and she hadn’t quite realized that it was over.
The others started to come-to at their respective spheres. Ezran and N’than shook their heads and scrunched their eyes, slow to readjust out of the simulation. The moment Callum’s eyes opened, though, he immediately whipped his head around, searching for Rayla. He fought through the dizzying effect of being returned from the sphere, and forgot about every ounce of anger he’d been holding onto since her return - at that moment, Callum knew that Rayla needed him; and he needed her.
There was a brief moment of panic when he didn’t see her standing at her sphere, but Callum quickly found her on the ground a few feet away. Rayla was hyperventilating; her eyes were open, but they were unfocused and filled with tears as she held her shaking hands in front of her face. Callum bolted in her direction, not flinching when he landed hard on his knees and slid the last few inches towards her.
Callum quickly wrapped his arms around Rayla, holding her tightly against his chest. He knew all too well how it felt to be in the depths of a panic attack, completely lost inside your own mind. He wanted - no, needed - her to know that he was there, that she wasn’t alone. He brought a hand up to gently cup the back of her head, the other pressing into the middle of her back, hoping she could feel him there with her.
“It’s okay, Rayla,” he said gently, rocking slightly as he held her. “It wasn’t real. None of it. Everything is going to be okay.”
He held her close as he continued whispering reassurances, not sure if she was actually hearing him or not. Callum could feel how badly she was shaking in his arms, and for a while there was no sign of any response from Rayla. Eventually though, she slowly wrapped her arms around his torso, holding onto the back of his jacket tightly as her breathing became more level and controlled.
“It’s okay, Rayla. Just breathe.” For those few moments, nothing else mattered in the entire world but the two of them, holding on to one another as if for dear life. Though he did his best to bring her comfort, Callum felt his own throat tightening as he remembered all the horrible things Viren had said in the simulation, the dark mage’s words echoing fresh in his mind. ”Callum should have just let you fall from that spire with me…the world would be better off without you in it!”
Only, it hadn’t actually been Viren saying these things. In reality, they were Rayla’s own words, her worst fears and thoughts simply brought to life by the simulation. Callum squeezed her even tighter then, tears picking his eyes with the sting of that realization.
“Um, so I know this is terrible timing,” N’than said as he approached sheepishly rubbing his arm. “But we really need to get through the barrier before it closes…or else we’ll have to go through that all over again…”
The last thing Callum wanted to do was let go of Rayla, but as he looked over her shoulder and towards the back of the cavern where Zym and Stella were anxiously awaiting, he saw the opening in the blue forcefield was in fact slowly shrinking. With a start, Callum pulled back slightly, not sure if Rayla had processed what N’than said.
Her breathing had become more regular; she was no longer hyperventilating, but she looked like she was still in shock. Her wide violet eyes were still unfocused, and her body was still shaking in fear. Callum placed a hand softly on her cheek.
“Rayla,” he said in a gentle voice. “We have to go, but not far. I’ll help you, okay? Give me your arm.”
To his surprise, Rayla’s eyes met his and she gave a small nod. Callum helped her get one arm around his shoulders, and he placed his other arm under her knees. Leaning back, Callum managed to scoop her up with ease and got to his feet. He looked back towards the barrier and saw that Ezran and N’than had already made it through; Ezran was holding up Callum’s staff and other belongings he abandoned in his haste to get to Rayla. Callum shot him an appreciative look before carefully heading towards the shrinking opening in the forcefield.
“Hang on,” he whispered to Rayla as he squeezed her tighter to his body. She still didn’t respond, but he did feel her press her face into his chest and tighten her grip around his neck.
They managed to get through the forcefield and join the others a few moments later, Callum carrying Rayla through the shrinking opening and towards what he hoped was safety. Stella all but flew to Rayla’s shoulder as she made it to the other side, though Rayla barely seemed to take notice of the little creature.
“Is…is she going to be alright?” Ezran asked in a small voice.
Callum nodded, looking more confident than he really felt. He couldn’t shake the pit in his stomach as he thought back on everything that happened. If Rayla really thought all those things said in the simulation, if seeing Viren again scared her that badly…would she really be alright? He wasn’t sure, but Callum did know that he would do whatever it took to help her. Whatever anger or resentment he had been feeling towards her would have to take a back seat; the day’s events only proved to himself how deeply he still cared about her.
N’than misread the apprehensive look on Callum’s face. “Don’t worry mate, the next chamber should be quite a bit easier to deal with.”
Callum nodded, and continued forward with Rayla still in his arms.
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A few hours later, everyone was lying inside the air bubble Callum had cast to protect them from the heat of the lava lake, which was ever so slightly starting to recede. It was quiet, save for the gentle snoring of Ezran and the soft whoosh of the waves as they crashed on the shore opposite them. Though he had been the one to encourage everyone to get some rest, Callum now found himself unable to fall asleep. So many thoughts raced through his mind now that he had a little time to process everything that happened.
He glanced in Rayla’s direction and wasn’t too surprised to see her eyes were also open, staring up at the top of the bubble. She hadn’t said much after they made it into Lavaland; once they felt they were safe, Callum had set her down against a rock where she stayed while he set up camp and put together a small meal with what little provisions they had left. Rayla calmed down after some time, but wasn’t feeling up for conversation. She barely ate any of the soup Callum had made, though she did take a couple sips of the broth for his benefit. Other than a few one worded responses to direct questions, she had remained quiet for most of the evening.
Now, Callum reached out and softly touched her forearm to get her attention. He instantly regretted that approach as it caused her to jump far more than it should have, but fortunately she realized very quickly it was only him. Rayla met his eyes, and Callum cocked his head towards the edge of the bubble, silently asking if she wanted to join him for a bit. She nodded, and they quietly rose from their bedrolls and made their way outside.
”Silentium,” Callum uttered in a soft voice, pointing his staff towards the air bubble. The silencing spell caused a wave of red to cascade over the already blue bubble, resulting in a pretty purple hue that would allow them to talk without disturbing the others. He turned towards Rayla once he felt satisfied the spell was working. “Can’t sleep?” he asked, realizing immediately what a dumb question it was.
Rayla shook her head. “Every time I close my eyes, I see…him,” she shuddered and swallowed hard, determined not to let herself get worked up again. Her racing heart didn’t seem to get the memo.
Callum nodded in understanding. “I…I can’t get either one of their voices out of my head,” he said softly. “Aaravos and Viren both…it all felt so real.” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “There are so many things running through my mind after today…so many things I want to say. I don’t even know where to start.” Callum opened his eyes again and looked at her earnestly before taking a step towards her, closing the gap between them. “This feels like a good place, though,” he said as he once again wrapped his arms around her.
Rayla’s eyes went wide in surprise, not expecting the sweet gesture but feeling overwhelmingly appreciative of it. This was different than before; instead of a panicked, almost desperate embrace, Callum was holding her so gently it was as though he thought she might break in his grasp. She turned her head and leaned against him before wrapping her arms around his torso as well, listening to his heart beating quickly in his chest.
They stayed like that for a few minutes, not saying anything. Rayla had missed this more than she could put into words, and with how Callum had been acting since her return she wasn’t sure if they’d ever be this close again. Her eyes filled with tears, knowing she deserved every ounce of anger directed towards her after the choices she had made and the hurt she had caused him in her absence; and yet, she couldn’t help but relish the moment.
Eventually, Callum pulled back, and gestured towards a boulder large enough for both of them to sit on. It was still warm, but not as unbearably hot as it had been when they first arrived in the chamber, so he decided to save his strength and forgo another air bubble.
Callum sighed and looked down at his hands, trying to figure out what to say. “Rayla,” he said in a strained voice. He took a deep breath and reached over, taking her hand in his. It made it easier to get the words out.
“Ever since we met,” Callum began, his voice stronger now, “I’ve wished you could see yourself through my eyes. You are the bravest, most selfless person I’ve ever known. You’re kind. You’re strong. You do the right thing, even when it isn’t easy. And yet…you’re so hard on yourself. You’re the most amazing woman, but you don’t see it. I never knew how to convince you of it… but I’ve always wished, more than anything, there was a way I could make you see what I see.”
He looked at her earnestly, and Rayla’s cheeks flushed slightly pink in response. She didn’t know what to say, so a moment of silence passed between them before Callum continued in a quieter voice.
“You really believe all those things the simulation Viren said, don’t you?”
Rayla looked away then, staring instead down at her feet, unable to keep his gaze. Snippets of the worst of Viren’s speech came flooding back in her mind, and she had to take a deep breath to steady herself. Finally, she responded in a soft voice. “Some of it, yeah…Some of what he said are things I’m scared might be true. Some things…I’ve never really articulated, even to myself, but hearing them come from him, I realized…that maybe…”
Her lip trembled and tears threatened to fall. Callum squeezed her hand and leaned towards her, a somber look on his face. When Rayla finally met his eyes once again, she realized his own were also filled with tears.
“Rayla,” he all but whispered, not saying anything other than her name for a few moments. Callum let go of one of her hands, bringing it up to cup her cheek instead. “I still don’t know how to convince you…all I can do is beg you to please, listen to me and believe everything I’m about to say.” He used his thumb to wipe away a few stray tears that had begun to slip down her cheeks, despite her best efforts.
“Rayla, your mom and dad loved you. So much, in fact, that they were willing to do anything to make sure you had the best life possible. Including putting their own lives on the line in an effort to maintain peace in Xadia. They didn’t leave because they didn’t care about you. They left because they cared about you more than anything. Your parents made the ultimate sacrifice in the name of what was right, and in hopes you would get to grow up in a better world. And even though I never had the chance to meet them, I know they would be so proud of the woman you’ve become.”
Rayla struggled to hold in sobs, unable to talk. She hoped what he said was true.
“Runaan loved you, too, Rayla. I know his loss has been extremely hard on you, and I know you still believe that somehow his death was your fault. But I swear to you, Rayla, it wasn’t. Whether or not you had let that guard go - Katolis was ready for the attack that night. My father and Viren and the entire Royal Guard knew that something was coming, They had been on high alert for weeks, and knew that night was the most likely for an attack. There was never a chance your team would have the element of surprise. Even if you had gone along with their plan, I know for a fact the outcome would have been the same. I know that doesn’t change things, and I know it doesn’t take away the pain of his loss. But you shouldn’t be carrying around this guilt when it wasn’t your fault.”
She closed her eyes at the memory of losing Runaan, and felt every ounce of guilt she had been clinging on to for almost three years. It was hard for Rayla to let it go completely, but at Callum’s words she tried her best to believe that it wasn’t entirely her own fault. Callum gave her a few moments before continuing.
“By no means do I want to make light of Runaan’s death, but your actions that day - your empathy, your bravery - deciding to let that guard live…it’s the only reason any of us are here today.” He gestured back towards the air bubble where his brother and Zym were fast asleep. “Because you chose to let the guard live, you saved not only him, but me and Ezran too. Not to mention, you set off the chain of events that brought Zym back home safely to the Dragon Queen. Rayla, you’re the reason we’re alive. You’re the reason the world is seeing its first era of peace between Xadia and the human lands in centuries. Don’t forget that. You followed your parent’s footsteps, and did what was right for the betterment of the world, even though it meant personal sacrifice for you. That’s brave. That’s heroic. That’s selfless.”
Callum looked out over the lava lake, letting a few minutes of silence pass as he pondered his next few thoughts. Eventually he continued in a soft, contemplative voice.
“It’s not fair how much loss and suffering you’ve had to endure. You’ve gone through more than most do in their entire lifetimes. But despite it all, you continue to do what’s right. You always put others first. I wish I had better words to describe how amazing of a person you are. I hope you know…”, he turned to face her again, “the world is unequivocally better with you in it.”
A fresh wave of tears overcame Rayla then, and she dabbed at her eyes with her sleeves. Though Callum itched to reach for her hands again, he decided against it for the next part.
“I…I know I haven’t been exactly welcoming since you came back. You leaving, not hearing from you for so long…it hurt. I struggled so much, every day. I worried about you, every day. I’m still struggling, trying to navigate my way through a complicated mess of feelings every time I look at you. I’m so happy you’re okay, and that you came back. I know I haven’t acted like it, and I should have told you that when I first saw you in my study. At the same time…I’m also still angry. I’m not ready to forgive all the choices you made, and I’m not ready to just go back to how things were before. I need more time to process everything, and we need more time to talk about it. Right now isn’t that time, but I do need you to know a few things.
“Every single thing Viren said about me in your simulation was a lie. Rayla, I swear to you, from the bottom of my heart, none of it was true. When I told you I loved you, I meant ALL of you. Not just the easy things. Not just when it was convenient or fun. I truly meant I loved you. No fine print, no exceptions. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. That’s why…that’s why it hurt so much when you left. That’s why I’m struggling so much with your return. You weren’t just a fling, you had my whole heart.” He lowered his voice. “You…you still do.”
Rayla felt like she could barely breathe.
“And you mine,” she whispered without hesitation, tears flowing down her cheeks in earnest now.
Silence settled in between the two of them. Though they both knew there were more words that needed to be said, for now it was enough. It wasn’t perfect; they were both still hurting, both trying to process everything they’d been through. They were still navigating their way through a storm, but it felt as though the rain had begun to let up.
Callum leaned forward and kissed Rayla’s forehead before pressing his own against hers for a few moments. Eventually he leaned back, and led her by the hand back to the bubble silently, to try and get a few hours of rest.
Some things didn’t have to be verbalized for them to be understood.
It’s going to be okay. We’re going to figure it out, together.