Chapter Text
Saturday the 27th of October.
Ellie knew it wasn’t the best idea. Going to a party the day after your girlfriend dumped you could have serious social complications. Deep down, Ellie wished she cared more about how it looked, but right now, she couldn’t care much about anything.
The breakup had felt coming for a while, two weeks at least. Ellie didn’t know why it happened. Well… that would be a lie, and Ellie Williams isn’t the most reliable narrator.
All couples have arguments but only the weak break up over an issue like theirs. To give a little context, Ellie and her girlfriend, Cat, wanted to do something for their six-month anniversary. Forever the romantic, Ellie suggested going for a meal.
They would get dressed up, go out for a Chinese at their favourite place in Jackson and come back home and have a night in together in Ellie’s converted garage. Just them. Of course, Cat’s idea of a night in was very different. Looking back now, Dina was right; the pair were never very compatible.
For starters, Cat’s idea of a night in was a movie and clothes off. If Ellie could sugarcoat it, she would, but Cat would get upset when Ellie didn’t want to go past third base and let’s just say Ellie would never actually get to cum if or when she did.
Their plan… Ellie’s plan was that Cat would stay the next day, they would wake up late, spend the day in bed watching 80s rom coms and draw shitty pictures and give them to each other, but instead, Cat changed the plan last minute. She said she would leave early to go out with her mates. Ellie didn’t know why she took it so personally. Fuck, she didn’t know why she cared. Maybe it had all gotten too much. The crumbling of trust between them, her walls being forced back up after it had taken so long to break them down. The idea that all her girlfriend wanted was a fuck and a free meal - Cat never paid. Or maybe it was because she wanted to be cared for, loved, even. After six months, you’d think she’d give her that. Instead, it was false promises and tears.
In front of her mirror, Ellie bit the inside of her lip to stop herself from crying. It was her little outburst yesterday which put her in this position, how she sounded ‘insecure’ for getting upset about her girlfriend wanting to leave early. Sorry, she meant Ex-Girlfriend. When she questioned if it was something she did wrong and “god forbid wanted to spend even a moment with her girlfriend where they didn’t just fuck!” Cat said she was insane and made a point of slamming the door after she stormed out. Later that day, Ellie received a note on her porch saying they were ‘done’ because Ellie was being unreasonable and controlling and that Cat couldn’t do anything for herself anymore.
A notification flashes on her phone, bringing her back to reality. Jesse’s picking her up in 15 minutes for Dina’s Halloween party.
Ellie takes a breath to steady herself. She shuffled closer towards the sink, the only mirror in her makeshift garage being in her bathroom. Ellie doesn’t usually have a use for makeup wipes, but tonight she was going as a vampire victim. A lousy excuse for a last-minute Halloween costume if she ever saw one, but she looked hot. That’s all that matters. Smirking to herself, she used the corner to shape the fake blood on her neck, trying not to get any on the collar of the black shirt she was wearing. A black suit with no jacket and doc martens, the buttons of the shirt were undone just past Ellie’s cleavage, not that she had much. If anyone asked, it was purely for effect. Her neck was embellished with two little bite marks giving way to a stream of blood which dripped down her neck, past her collarbone and stopped at her ribs. To finish, Ellie applied some of the fake blood to her lip, she tilted her head back so it dripped down past her chin. Ellie wasn’t going to the party to impress anyone. Just to forget.
Ellie Williams wanted to forget that she’d never been loved. She wanted to forget how it felt to be kissed, how it felt to be touched and manhandled. Ellie wanted to forget all the stupid little 1-word cards that she favoured so much. The pathetic attempt of a girl she planned to spend the rest of her life with. The girl who didn’t know how to love her unless she was grinding against her fingers.
Ellie picked out another makeup wipe and cleaned the mascara running from her eyes. She felt like such a mug for crying. Cat didn’t care. Cat never cared. That’s why Ellie’s going to this party. She’s going to reconnect with her friends, the friends she’s selfishly been neglecting for her ex-girlfriend. What a joke.
A car horn sounded outside her door, and aggressively, Ellie threw the tear-stricken wipe into the sink and grabbed her keys off the hook by the door. Sure enough, Jesse was in the driver's seat, waving for her to hurry up, and his current girl, Astrid, was in the backseat. To Ellie, Astrid is the type of girl who's naturally beautiful with blonde hair and blue eyes. She was innocent and sweet, almost childlike in the way she cared for intimate objects around her and said that flowers flourish more if you talk to them. It was no surprise that Jesse was taking her to this party. Ellie would be lying if she said she wasn't the slightest bit attracted to her. Whilst Ellie and Astrid weren’t very close, they sat together in chemistry, and Astrid had always treated her with respect after Ellie came out.
“How you feeling?” Jesse asked, drumming his fingers against the wheel as he scanned Ellie’s face for tear tracks.
“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine.” Jesse raised an eyebrow, “No really, I’m over it now.”
“Whatever” Jesse could sense when she was lying, but he didn’t push. It was one of the things Ellie liked most about him; he respected people's space. “I’m glad you decided to come out tonight.”
Ellie forced a smile, and the car engine kicked into gear. Jesse did a routine check of the road and pulled off while Astrid leaned over the island and connected her phone to the aux.
Pulling up outside the house, Anne could already tell this party was going to be insane. Everyone dressed up in masks and lingerie. Ellie swore half of her high school was there.
Jesse smirked as he turned off the car and stepped out onto the sidewalk, “Here’s to bad choices.” He threw a suggestive look at Ellie, and Astrid giggled and linked his arm. The pair started walking onto the lawn, catching up with some of Jesse’s friends, leaving Ellie to fend for herself.
“Asshole.” Ellie mumbled under her breath, ran a hand through her hair and headed inside. It was your typical high school party. Some kid was flinging himself off the bannister, people were making out in the corner, varsity jerks were doing lines off the windowsill, and the Halloween decorations were littered with toilet paper. Making her way through the crowd, the brunette dodged beer pong tables, red paper cups and the occasional nipple slip from intoxicated girls until she spotted the table of alcohol in the centre of the kitchen.
Mentally thanking whatever higher power existed, Ellie poured herself a drink. She swirled the liquid around the bottom of the tacky red cup whilst debating what mixer to put in. Normal Coke or Diet Coke? Diet Coke got her pissed quicker, but normal Coke tastes better. Christ, why was she overthinking this? Just choose a mixer; it’s not fucking hard.
“Hey, it’s Ellie, right?”
Ellie looked up like a deer in headlights. “What?” The girl took a step back, and Ellie muttered an apology. The girl shook her head.
“It’s fine,” The girl stuck out her hand, “I’m Bonnie. I’m friends with Astrid.” She had a huge toothy grin on her face which could either be genuine or from the excessive amount of alcohol she’d consumed. Ellie presumed it was the latter. “Someone told me you came with Jesse, I was just wondering if you knew where Astrid was. I know she got a ride with you guys and-”
Ah, yes. Bonnie Walters was Astrid’s best friend. The girl who dyed her hair so much it started falling out in their 4th year of high school. She was incredibly smart, so Ellie never saw much of her unless it was in the canteen or with Astrid in the hallway. A round face, clear skin, curls fried so much they’ve gone frizzy - she’s pretty but too full on that she scares guys away. Ellie would describe her as the type of girl to fall in love at the drop of a hat.
“No sorry, last time I checked she was outside with Jesse,” Ellie replied, and Bonnie bit her lip, hesitating.
“I urm, I heard about you and Cat. Are you okay, by the way?”
Ellie took a deep breath in.
“I think it’s horrible, you know. Bonnie touched her arm, “it was a week ago, right? God, I wouldn’t dream of moving on that fast. Like, take some time to heal first?”
Moving on?
“Wait, wait, what do you mean moving on?”
Bonnie stopped dead.
“Oh. shit.”
Oh shit indeed.
“Bonnie?”
“I’m not trying to start shit, I promise. Listen, I heard she’s on a date with some girl. They’re at the movies watching some slasher horror thing.” Bonnie took her hand off and played with her hands nervously, “I’m sorry, I thought you knew.”
Ellie forced another smile, “Don't apologise. It’s fine.”
The silence was loud. Incredibly loud. Bonnie gulped and reached for a bottle of Vodka. Pouring it into one of those neon plastic shot glasses. She tucked her hair behind her ears and offered it to Ellie before pouring one for herself.
“Cheers,” Another toothy grin plastered itself on Bonnie’s face, and if Ellie knew she would be doing shots with the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland, she would’ve stayed at home.
“Cheers.”
Just as quick as Bonnie arrived, she’d gone again. Ellie threw her head back, the vodka burning her throat and warming her stomach. Licking her lips, she poured herself another, repeating the same movement, the familiar burning sensation warming her body. Ellie did it again, then again and again, before placing the shot glass on the table and steadying herself.
Fuck, where the fuck is Jesse.
If she couldn’t find him tonight, Ellie swore she would beat him up for this tomorrow. She grabbed a can of Diet Coke and took a sip before pouring it into the cup.
“Woah, easy there, tiger” Dina. The brunette’s heart fluttered as Dina’s voice echoed in her ear, and suddenly everything felt a little bit lighter and her head a little clearer.
“Hey, you,” Ellie smirked and gave her a hug. To a normal person, Dina would smell of well, Dina. But to Ellie she smelt of shea and mint. The occasional hint of weed on her clothes and lavender.
“I saw you going to town on those shots before,” Dina helped herself to Ellie’s drink, “careful you don’t get gone too early. We still have the whole night to get drunk.”
Ellie hummed and grabbed back her drink, “Shut your face.”
Dina grabbed her hand and led her away from the table. Once she’d met up with Dina, the night got a whole lot livelier. The pair found Jesse and Astrid making out behind the shed and could only get them off each other by promising to give them a room to themselves to sleep in. After doing another round of shots, this time as a group, Jesse got into a fight over a vacant beer-pong table which was quickly followed by a simplified round of beer-pong. Until she became friends with Dina, Ellie was never one to get invited to parties, so never understood the rules, hence the simplified version that Dina came up with: you get a ball in a cup, and the other team drink that cup. None of this reracking, shot at redemption crap. Of course, being more experienced, the popular straight dude and the blonde girl came out on top.
“Be grateful, If they hadn’t won, we wouldn’t have heard the end of his black eye.” Dina reasoned to Ellie with a quick smirk and a wink.
The night continues, and some people leave, having only gone for the free alcohol and a hook-up. However, those who stayed started enjoying it a bit too much, Dina was the perfect host. Anyone found throwing up in the toilet would be taken home so as to not dampen the mood strong. The music was blasting, and as it got closer and everyone moved inside, Dina turned on the strobe lights. Ellie had never been to a club but she imagined it was like this. Bodies pressed up against each other, everyone intoxicated to the point where it didn’t matter who you were, you were a stranger’s best friend. Ellie closed her eyes and grinned as she danced alongside Jesse, Dina was off hosting, and Astrid had caught up with Bonnie so it was just strangers on the dance floor. Just strangers until everyone was ushered to the side, and some guy in a varsity jacket placed a chair in the middle of the floor and sat his mate down. The room erupted into chanting and cheers, and the varsity jacket guy slowly stripped down to his socks to ‘Talk Dirty’ by Jason Derulo. Ellie couldn't contain her laughter as Jesse hollered in her ear; he was eating this up and honestly, so was she. Letting herself go, she joined in with the chants and screams.
An hour later, those chants and screams turned into screams of frustration and hurt as Ellie found herself on the bathroom floor crying her eyes out to Jesse about Cat. Clasping her hands in front of her face and Jesse rocked her body back and forth, the words, ‘I’m over it’ repeated like a prayer amongst tears and gut-wrenching cries of ‘I don’t understand’ and ‘she loved me’. It was one of the moments Jesse felt helpless as all he could do was stroke his friend’s back and reassure her that she was loved, really loved.
Back to dancing. The music beating in Ellie’s ears again, overwhelming her senses and taking her higher than she’d ever been before. It was at times like this when she wished she was more popular. That way, she could go to parties every night. She could dance like this whenever she wanted, and people who didn’t give her a second look in the hallway would come up to her and invite her to do a keg stand while girls would question their sexuality in the corner and watch.
A pause. Ellie didn’t know when everyone had suddenly started to go home. She checked the time, 4:30 in the morning. Dina was going around the kitchen with a plastic bag. Jesse and Astrid had already passed out upstairs on Dina’s bed. The bodies of people that were left were people Ellie knew well, the people Dina trusted not to ruin her house. Ellie was bedded on the downstairs sofa for the night. As the only person downstairs, she took one for the team. I mean, everyone wants to be liked, right? All the lights were off, the front door was locked. It was quiet.
Ellie stayed under the blanket, she could hear banging upstairs but presumed it was Dina kicking Jesse and Astrid out of her bed and into the spare room, Ellie stayed in the darkness. With no more distractions and no more alcohol, the feeling of loneliness crept in again. The same feeling she felt every night for a week. Wanting to cry, to scream into the pillow and cursing herself for ruining things, Ellie’s throat ran dry. Even if Cat just loved her for what she gave her, she was still loved. Right?
Light. The flicker of light under the door from the hallway grew. It grew into a beam, a brightness which invaded the room. Ellie squinted, lifting her hand up to cover her face, any trace of the darkness leaving as a figure stepped through the door.
Dina?
“Everyone’s asleep.”
The girl was holding a pillow against her chest. Ellie gulped, and she smiled. A pathetic smile really. “Theres a space next to me?”
Ellie held up the blanket, inviting Dina to the empty space on the sofa. Nodding hesitantly, she closed the door, the darkness flooding back in again but this time Ellie wasn’t alone.
“Do you have a torch?” There was a tint of laughter behind her question.
“Oh, shit yeah,” fumbling around from her phone, mumbling words that Dina couldn’t quite hear, Ellie dug out her phone from behind a pillow.
Light flooded the room again. Not the same soft, yellow light as the hallway but a harsh white, guiding Dina to where she wanted to go. She made it halfway, and Ellie held out her hand. Something instinctive that wasn’t worth paying any mind to. Only it was. Dina reached out to grab it and steady herself, their eyes met, and Ellie smirked. Dina’s face was shadowed but Ellie swore she saw the dark-haired girl roll her eyes at the expression.
Guiding her to the spot on the sofa, Ellie shoved the blanket back, leaving space for her friend.
“Thank you.” She turned to Ellie, looking down at her with an unreadable expression.
Captivated, even in the darkness, Ellie just smiled as Dina shuffled under the blanket.
As if by magic, all effects of the alcohol in Ellie’s bloodstream fucked off and left. Her cheeks flushed when she realised how close they were.
Dina shuffled further down, turning over and over, trying to find a way the two girls could sleep together without being in a compromising position. She seemed almost as flustered as Ellie did. She turned over onto her side, facing away from the other girl and took a deep breath.
Of course, Ellie had always found Dina extremely attractive. How could she not? But she’d been with Cat. Cat had always been hers, right? Or what if she never was? But Dina was straight. Or was she? Ellie knew she’d been questioning her sexuality for a while, but they were friends. Nothing could happen. Right? The brunette closed her eyes and moved her hand where it wanted to go. She grazed it over Dina’s arm, shuffling in closer. Dina’s breath hitched slightly, and Ellie was so close she could smell the shampoo on her hair, it was comforting. Intoxicating. She swore she could hear Dina’s heartbeat in the darkness, pulling her mind and her heart further and further away from Cat.
“Is this okay?” Ellie whispered. It was barely a whisper. A breath of air, an unspoken word which was afraid to be asked. But Dina heard. She nodded her head, which made the latter girl relax. Instinctively, she traced her fingertips up and down Dina’s arm. Something so small yet so intimate.
Ellie swore she heard her heart skip a beat as Dina linked their fingers and pulled her closer, grazing her thumb over the other girl’s knuckles.
What the fuck was happening.
Ellie didn’t know why her heart was beating so fast. She’d been this close to a person before, she always used to spoon Cat when he slept, but this was different. It felt like Ellie was falling into this girl, breathing her in and tracing the moles up and down her arm like a child does with constellations in the sky. Her senses were overtaken by the smell of shea shampoo and alcohol. Shit, how drunk was she?
Underneath her, Dina’s breathing was becoming heavy, her body relaxing under Ellie’s fingertips. Smiling softly, it dawned on Ellie that this wasn’t a platonic feeling… She wanted to kiss her. Like her lips were drawn to Dina’s as if they were destined to touch, she felt like whispering in the dark, hoping Dina would say yes. Heartbeat ringing in her ears, thudding against her chest, so much adrenaline she could feel the blood travelling around her body and into her fingers. It made her lightheaded.
As if Dina knew what she was thinking, she rolled over and buried her head into Ellie’s neck, drawing her from her trance. Fuck. Mirroring the other girl, Dina started to trace her nails up Ellie’s arm, comfortingly grazing her skin and making her heart skip three beats at once.
Cat never did this to her. She couldn’t even think about her at this moment. She held her breath and tensed up more.
There’s no sleeping this off.
Ellie didn't even know if she could sleep. Dina’s fingertips grazed over the chemical burn she got as a child, touching it tenderly, acting like it was still sore and needed to be nursed.
“Is… is it okay if I turn over?” Her breath hitched again when Dina nodded.
“Sure.” Her reply wasn’t more than a whisper.
Relaxing slightly, Ellie turned onto her side so she was facing the other way. Almost immediately, Dina’s arm was around her waist, pulling her closer into the spooning position they were before.
Holy fucking shit.
If you asked Ellie what this was, she couldn’t tell you. Why was this feeling so different to what she felt with Cat? Was this love? Not actual love, people don’t move on that quickly. But how it feels to be held by another person. Is this what safety feels like or are they just drunk?