Chapter Text
Daichi lives in a nice neighborhood.
Well, so does he, but it’s nice in an eclectic, cluttery type of way, where all his neighbors are a little weird, but kind all the same.
Daichi lives in the kind of neighborhood that people actually describe as nice. The kind of neighborhood that makes him feel like he’s walked into a pamphlet about nice neighborhoods.
Suga looks down at the little scrap of paper with Daichi’s address on it, lurching when Shouyou pulls on his hand. He’s just the tiniest bit intimidated, now that he’s actually on Daichi’s street. Before, he was a little excited, a little thrilled, that Daichi had invited them over. The texting back and forth had stirred up the little crush, too.
Embarrassing, but whatever. Things were getting easier by the day, and so what? So what he’s a little giddy?
They stop in front of a huge complex (well, not really huge, but huge comparison to Suga’s own little three-story building), Suga double-checking his scrap of paper again.
“Is this it, Suga-chan?”
“You’re asking me, Shou? You’re the one who’s been here before. You should be telling me.”
“I don’t remember.”
Suga laughs.
“Let’s go check the buzzers.”
This is it. Shouyou gets a good kick out of getting to ring the bell, and announcing that they’ve arrived. Daichi laughs warmly while talking with Shouyou, and Suga pretends the flush on his neck is just from the heat.
Nothing else.
“Hey, you made it,” Daichi says, when he opens the door. He smiles warmly when Shouyou jumps in his excitement, laughs warmly when Shou pushes past his legs, he’s just.
So warm.
Your brain is better than this. Come on, brain. Dig up a better description.
Inside, the apartment’s much more...lived in, than he expected. He may have been picturing an immaculate, spartan, modern type of apartment, but there’s little bits of clutter tucked into the corners, a toy here and there. Cups on the coffee table.
“Sorry it’s a bit of a mess,” Daichi says, when he closes the door, “Tobio got back yesterday, and we haven’t had much time to clean.”
“Oh! No, please, you’re fine. It’s fine. It’s nice. You have a nice place.”
Daichi smiles, and Suga has to look away. Tobio chooses that moment to trot through the living room, Shouyou buzzing around him.
“Hello, Tobio! It’s very nice to see you again.”
Tobio stares at him silently, like he’s making up his mind about something, but then his mouth quirks into a sweet, dimpled smile, and he scampers away.
“He’s very happy today, isn’t he?” Suga asks, when the boys have headed to the back of the apartment.
“He’s been doing very well, lately. He was sick a couple weeks ago, but then he spent some time at his mom’s, and did good there, from what I heard.”
“That’s really great.”
“Yeah,” Daichi says, nodding his head. He’s still grinning, has been since the door opened. Suga tries desperately to not think of it as cute.
“Are you alright, Suga? You look a little red.”
“Huh? Oh, no I’m fine- I just- it’s hot-”
“You want a drink? Let me get you something.”
“No, it’s fine, really-”
But Daichi’s already headed towards the kitchen. Suga feels awkward standing there in the middle of the living room, by himself, so he hesitantly follows.
Turns out, Daichi’s apartment is just full of surprises, because the kitchen?
It’s huge.
“Oh my god,” he says, when he turns the corner.
He’s vaguely aware that Daichi’s head turns from somewhere near the fridge, probably to stare, but he’s a little too busy being stunned by the kitchen to notice.
He didn’t even know rooms this size could fit into apartments.
“This is the biggest kitchen I’ve ever seen,” he says, a bit dreamily, and Daichi laughs.
“It was one of the selling points, when I was looking for a place.”
His focus turns to Daichi, who approaches him, glass in hand, and he realizes in that moment that the kitchen isn’t actually huge. There’s an openness to it, big windows letting in lots of light, wide countertops, but it’s cleverly arranged, and neatly organized. It’s still bigger than his own stuffy, dim little kitchen, but the enormity of it isn’t as overwhelming when the perspective actually comes into play.
“This is amazing.”
“Heh, thanks. It’s pretty fun. I use it every chance I get, which is a little difficult with work, but…”
He cooks. Oh lord, he cooks.
“...you know? Do you do any cooking? Suga?”
“Huh? Oh! Uh, not a lot. Pretty simple things if I am. I don’t have much spare time when I’m working.”
“Right, yeah. Understandable.”
“I never really learned very much about it, anyway. Didn’t have much of an opportunity.”
Daichi stares at him. Suga takes a sip of his drink. Daichi plunks down his glass on the island countertop.
“Uh-”
“You know what? Put cooking lessons on whatever list you have that popsicle I owe you on.”
“Daichi, oh my god, you don’t have to-”
“No, it’ll be totally fun. Playdate for the kids, cooking lessons for us.”
Suga laughs at Daichi’s eagerness. He can’t help himself, not when Daichi’s grinning so earnestly.
“We can start today. I was thinking oyakodon for lunch. Want to help out?”
He’s blushing again. He can feel the way the heat creeps up his throat and settles on his cheeks. But it’s pleasant, excited. Silly, like being an overly nervous teenager again.
“That sounds nice-”
“Suga-chan!”
Shouyou bursts into the kitchen with fistfuls of toys. The most Suga can untangle from the mess of his words is legos, which are currently flying from his grip and hitting the floor with plasticky pings.
“Shou, stop, you’re making a mess. Let’s pick these up, okay?”
“Legos, Suga-chan!”
“I know, it’s very exciting. But they’re Tobio’s toys, and you need to be respectful.”
He bends down to pick up the blocks. Shouyou tries to help, but his hands are too full to do anything but spill more. Suga has to hold his palms open and let Shouyou dump all the legos into his hands. He can see Tobio in his peripheral, near the doorway, squatting down to pick up a stray block. He’s wondering if Tobio might be bold enough to bring the lego over here, and deposit it in the small collection growing in Suga’s hands-
Oh, nope.
Tobio scoots over towards his father, arms outstretched, until Daichi picks him up. Suga can hear the two of them talking to each other, a hushed conversation behind his back, as he’s directing Shouyou towards more of the scattered legos. And then there are two dark heads beside him, crouched down to his level.
“Suga, we have something to ask you,” Daichi says, gently turning Tobio so he faces Suga, instead of hiding his face against Daichi’s shoulder. He still can’t quite make eye contact, but the dimply grin is back.
“Ready, Tobio? Say ‘Suga-san, will you play legos with us?’”
“Suga-sa’, will you play legos wi’ us?”
Tobio’s so bashful, so sweet, so different from the intense little boy he first met. Suga feels his heart go to pieces.
Which is how he finds himself camped out on Tobio’s floor, navigating the wild imaginations of two very creative little boys. It must be some time later when Daichi appears in the doorway. Suga doesn’t notice, at first, not until Tobio disappears from his side. And then Shouyou’s scrambling out of his lap to see where Tobio went, leaving Suga with a handful of blocks and a half-finished tower.
“I see I’m interrupting some valuable construction time.”
“Dai-san, do you see? The tower has the space station inside! It protects from the aliens!”
“That’s great, Shouyou. Suga’s doing a good job of building it, isn’t he?”
“Yes!”
Shouyou flies back to the tower, once again animated and excited, even though he was starting to settle down in Suga’s lap less than a minute ago. Tobio drags Daichi over, so he can start piling different figures into Daichi’s hands, telling a story about each one. Shouyou wants to join in, too, but Suga has to keep him from interrupting.
“Tobio,” Daichi has to say, after a steady, bubbling conversation, “I know you want to keep playing, but it’s time for lunch.”
“Lunch!”
“Shou, no shouting, please,” Suga says.
Still, Daichi’s smiling at the outburst. He pushes Tobio’s hair out of his eyes.
“Let’s put the legos down for now, okay? We need to wash our hands.”
“Play later?”
“Yes, we can play after we eat.”
Tobio seems to allow this compromise, with a little furrow of his brow. He shows Shouyou to the bathroom, and pulls out a little stool tucked underneath the sink, so the both of them can wash their hands. Daichi supervises, and then inspects their hands for cleanliness, making a big deal out of judging the job they did. Suga has to tuck his smile behind his own hand, at two very concerned little faces.
“Alright, I suppose you’ll both pass. Let’s go have lunch.”
Tobio doesn’t shout, but he jumps a little in excitement, and scrambles out of the bathroom. Shouyou, however, does shout, and bolts after Tobio.
There’s cooking, and then there’s cooking.
Suga himself, he’s firmly planted in the ‘cooking’ end of the spectrum- basic, simple, sometimes a little burnt. The extent of his creativity usually extends to adding globs of chili sauce to his food. But Daichi.
He’s on an entirely different level of cooking proficiency.
“You know, it’s a shame I missed out on the cooking lesson. This is wonderful,” Suga says, trying very hard not to shovel his food into his mouth.
“Ah, I'm glad you think so.”
It's too hot for the kotatsu, but Daichi had lugged it out anyway, at Tobio's insistence, and they all kneel around it, with the blanket tucked under their knees. Suga had supervised the boys, as they proceeded to set the places, half-caught in their contagious delight of being given such an important job. And then Daichi had lifted the both of them up onto the counter, so they could each choose their own bowls to eat out of.
It's very sweet, how pleased they both are, trying to sit primly at the kotatsu, Shouyou doing his best to imitate Suga's posture. He's just a little too squirmy to quite manage it.
“Next time,” Daichi says. “We’ll squeeze in some learning time next time you come over.”
“Guess I can’t escape it, huh?”
“Nope.”
He’s grinning again, Daichi is. Suga gets the vaguest sense that he’s being teased, but again, it’s a rush of pleasantness tripping warmly through him. He can’t help but smile in return, at least, until Shouyou knocks over his cup, and latches a sticky, rice-covered, juice-stained hand onto the side of Suga’s shirt.
His white shirt.
“This was really great, Daichi. Thank you for inviting us over.”
“Absolutely. I’m glad you could make it.”
Suga has to give Shouyou a little shake, until he chirps out a thank you, too, and then-
He’s hit with the realization he doesn’t want to go.
It’s a very short bubble of a thought, and he squashes it down quickly, plays it off with a nervous laugh, and shifts Shouyou higher on his hip. He forces himself to make his way out the door, both he and Shouyou waving goodbye.
“Did you have fun, Shou?” Suga says, when they’re heading back to the train station.
“Yes.”
“Do you want to have Tobio over sometime?”
“No.”
“Oh?”
Shouyou lifts his head, from where he had it tucked against Suga’s shoulder, and furrows his brow very seriously.
“Tobio-chan has cool legos. And you smile lots at Dai-san.”
He plunks his head back onto Suga’s shoulder, plucking idly at Suga’s sleeve with little fingers, like he hasn’t just delivered the very embodiment of all those fluttery feelings Suga’s been dealing with all day.
Of course he wouldn’t care about bluntness. He’s four.
Still, it’s enough to stun Suga into silence, as Shouyou nods off on the rest of the way home.
To: Daichi
7:53 pm
thanks for everything today!! shouyou conked out before we even got home, but he had a great time
From: Daichi
7:55 pm
Haha, Tobio passed out a little while after you guys left. Right in the middle of the living room.
img_054 attached
To: Daichi
7:56 pm
AHHH!! he’s so cute. what a sweetheart.
From: Daichi
7:57 pm
He was very happy you were coming over
You guys doing alright, by the way?
From: Daichi
8:08 pm
I’m sorry if that’s too personal
To: Daichi
8:11 pm
no, it’s not
it’s sweet of you to check up on us
From: Daichi
8:12 pm
Of course. Please tell me if I’m ever too forward, though.
To: Daichi
8:13 pm
yeah, I doubt that will ever happen (￣ω￣)
but I will
To: Daichi
8:17 pm
we’re good, now. my sister, she has some issues, and she’s had some issues in the past, but right now, she’s finally doing what she needs to do to take care of herself
that just doesn’t include shouyou at the moment. until she can get her shit together
and it’s hard, not only for us, but for my sister too, but it needs to happen
To: Daichi
8:23 pm
sorry oh my god. that’s so much rambling
From: Daichi
8:25 pm
No! Please. It’s totally fine. It’s a lot for your family to handle
Kind of random question, but did something happen with her at Shouyou’s birthday party?
To: Daichi
8:29 pm
ah, yeah
she promised she’d be there, but she called right in the middle of it to tell us she wouldn’t make it
From: Daichi
8:32 pm
Ouch
I’m sorry
I only asked because I remember you looked a little upset towards the end of it, and at the time I didn’t know how to ask if you were alright.
To: Daichi
8:35 pm
ugh, you’re literally the sweetest person i’ve ever met
yeah, it was a bummer at the time.
not unexpected, if i’m totally honest
From: Daichi
8:36 pm
Sorry.
From: Daichi
8:51 pm
I don’t mean to harp on you about this, but really, if you or Shouyou need anything
And I mean anything
Babysitting
Popsicles
Dinner
Or even just someone to vent to
Please don’t feel like it’d be a burden to ask
From: Daichi
8:52 pm
I mean, if you’re comfortable.
I know we don’t actually know each other that well, but still. It’s an open invitation.
To: Daichi
8:56 pm
thanks daichi
it means a lot
To: Yui
9:25 pm
Hey so
Remember when we were talking about dating and all that? Two weeks ago or something?
I think I’ve come to a decision about that.
From: Yui
9:43 pm
Daichi!!!!!
Tell me everything!
Editing time is the stressful time.
In theory, it shouldn’t be, either. It should be the writing of the book that’s the stressful part, not the cleaning up.
Writing the book is staying up until the sun starts peeking through the curtains.
Two days without showering.
Forgetting to eat until Tooru shows up with something.
Turning in the draft before Hajime really starts getting angry.
Editing the book is like writing it all over again, but with Hajime a constant pressure against the back of his neck.
Suga finds it difficult, partnering up with someone, in a sense. Hajime- or his staff, whom Suga more often works with- they’re all great, amazing people, but damn. They must’ve all gone through the same training on tearing drafts apart, because getting feedback from them is downright brutal. It’s hard to feel like he constantly has to defend his work, even if it is the point of the editors.
So he sighs heavily when he opens up the latest email from Hajime. The number of comments on one page alone looks like a battlefield of red. Like a grammar minefield that exploded.
Heh.
His phone buzzes with the alarm he has to set, to make sure Shouyou gets to daycare on time. They took a break for a few weeks, but now that work’s back in full swing, they need the structure. It helps Shouyou, too, to forget that his mom’s not going to take him home for a while.
Tooru shows up somewhere in the middle of breakfast-making, buzzing at the door insistently, until Suga runs over with egg coating his hands, to fumble open the door with his elbows.
“Oh? Are we cooking, Suga-chan?”
“Just trying some things.”
“This wouldn’t have to do with the lovely time you had over at a certain handsome-man-and- adorable-child’s home a while ago, would it?”
Suga stares at Tooru, the smug curl of his lip, the delight of knowing something Suga clearly hadn’t told him oozing out of his faux-nonchalance.
“At this point, I guess I can’t say I’m surprised that you know about the things that go on in my life when you weren’t even there.”
Tooru sniffs.
“What are we having for breakfast?” he says, unceremoniously dumping his things into a chair.
“Shouyou and I are trying out oyakodon.”
“Ooh, you’re moving right on up in the world, Suga-chan. Did your date really go that well that you’re trying your hand at cooking? We both know how that usually goes- ow! That hurt, Suga-chan!”
Suga doesn’t get the chance to say what he wants to say, as Shouyou shouts and bounces his way over to Tooru. He has to rush back to the skillet, anyway, so nothing catches on.
All in all, it turns out pretty decent. Tooru doesn’t quite compliment the dish, but he hums a fluttery little noise when he takes his first bite, and he doesn’t spit it out onto his plate.
He’ll take that as a good sign.
Suga taps out a quick message to Daichi when all three of them are heading out the door, and maybe he’s a little enthusiastic about not burning anything, but so what.
It’s an accomplishment. And anyway, Daichi gives the enthusiasm right back to him.
“Who’s he texting, Shou-chan?” Tooru says, thinking himself terribly funny, no doubt.
Shouyou cranes his head from his place in Tooru’s arms, and watches Suga tuck his phone away.
“Who you textin’, Suga-chan?”
“I’m telling Daichi-san how good you did with the recipe for oyakodon this morning.”
“I did good!”
“You sure did, sweetheart.”
He doesn’t miss the side eye Tooru’s giving him, but he keeps his gaze steadfastly forward as they walk, and doesn’t pull out his phone again.
Tooru makes a big fuss about hugging Shouyou goodbye when they’re outside the daycare. They’re peas in a pod, those two, with a flourish for dramatics, and Suga rolls his eyes not once, but twice, while trying to wait patiently for them to finish up. When Tooru finally loosens his hold on Shouyou, Suga has to snatch up Shou’s hand, so they don’t start up again.
“What will you do today, Suga-chan?”
“I’ve got to work on my writing. Hajime-san sent me lots of corrections to work on.”
“Does Iwa-chan-san write, too?”
“No, he doesn’t. He corrects things that other people write. Don’t call him ‘Iwa-chan,’ honey, he doesn’t like it.”
“Iwa-chan.”
“Call him Hajime-san.”
“Ha-ji-me-san.”
Shouyou skips all the way down the hallway to his classroom. He tries to shove all his things into his cubby and run off, but Suga makes him come back and neaten things out. As Suga encourages him to straighten his lunchbox, he notices a little presence by his side.
“Hello, Tobio.”
Tobio doesn’t say anything, just stares at him with great big eyes and curls his fingers in the fabric of Suga’s shirt. Shouyou finishes jamming his stuff into his cubby and shouts, when he spins around and sees Tobio. He’d probably drag him off to play, if another adult hadn’t slipped up behind Tobio, running a hand over his hair.
“Tobio, what are you doing, honey?”
“Oh, it’s fine, I’m-”
Suga stumbles to his feet, his legs a bit numb from how he’d been crouching next to Shouyou.
“I’m sorry about Tobio, if he was bothering you.”
“Oh no, he’s totally fine. He and Shouyou are friends, it’s not a big deal.”
“Oh, Shouyou? You must be Suga, then. Right?”
He’s a little taken aback by the expression on her face, a mix of confusion and something else. Something he can’t quite put a finger on. But then Tobio’s curled around her leg, and as her gaze slips downward, her expression changes effortlessly. It takes him a minute, staring at the curve of her smile, a dimpled smile that looks so familiar…
Suga’s stung by the realization, when it finally hits him. She must be-
“I’m Yui. I’m Tobio’s mom.”
She’s pretty. Bright. Sweet.
“Daichi had mentioned that Tobio’s made a new friend.”
“Yes.”
“Such an energetic little guy, too.”
“Ah. Yep. That’s Shou.”
He’s already managed to pull Tobio off to the corner with the blocks, despite Yui’s appearance. Suga watches the two of them from the corner of his eye.
“Daichi mentioned that you guys have had some playdates for the boys?”
“Uh. Yeah, oh yeah! Just a couple, when time permits, you know, but they’re fun. The boys seem to enjoy them.”
“That’s um. That’s nice. I’m sure you’ve noticed Tobio isn’t too sociable, so hearing that he has a friend is really. It’s really. Great.”
The teacher’s starting to round up the kids, so Suga and Yui slip out the door. He’s desperate to escape this stilted conversation, because that part of her expression he couldn’t figure out a moment ago has become clear now.
It’s discomfort.
“Well, it was-”
“I’ve got to-”
Yui smiles and laughs, but it’s a bit off. Fake. Something polite people do.
“I don’t think Daichi meant for us to meet, but it was. Good to meet you, anyway, Suga. I’m sure I’ll see you around.”
She waves, but Suga can only half-heartedly wave back, a smile forced over his face in response to hers. When she’s out of sight, the smile drops, and twists into something even Tooru notices when he steps outside.
“Are you alright?”
It’s nothing.
Push it down.
Hold it tight.
Ignore it.
“I’m fine. I’ve got work to do while Shouyou’s at daycare, so I’ll see you later.”
“But, I-”
He doesn’t wait for an answer, and Tooru doesn’t trail after him. He swallows down the sour wave of uncertainty, the one that’s crushed the bud of happiness from this morning. He tries to stop thinking about Yui, her looks, her confidence, the strength with which she holds herself, the ease of her motherhood. He tries to stop thinking about inadequacy.
He ignores it, all these thoughts tickling around the edges of his brain, and settles in for a day of work. He hasn’t slept more than a few hours the past couple days, and there’s something very raw to his exhaustion, a razor-sharp prick of irritation, that forces his mind into focus, but pushes the day past in a blur. He finishes all the edits Hajime wanted before he leaves to pick up Shouyou, then spends another fuzzy few hours taking care of him until he’s put to bed. He stays up another few hours, flipping the encounter with Yui over and over in his mind, until he eventually, mercifully, passes out.
Tobio wants to press the buzzer. Yui smiles when he stretches his arms up towards her, and she heaves him up. He’s getting so big. Hard to believe he’ll be turning four this year, already.
“Who is it?”
“Tobio.”
“Oh? Tobio made it all by himself today? How independent.”
Tobio giggles against her shoulder. It’s one of the funny little games he and Daichi play.
“ ‘S Tobio and Mama!”
“Ahhh, I see.”
The door buzzes, and Yui struggles to pull it open. Damn thing’s heavier than it has any right being.
Tobio bolts down the hallway when the elevator opens onto Daichi’s floor. He can’t run very fast, so it’s easy to keep up with his little steps, all the way up to Daichi’s door.
“Look who it is,” Daichi says when he opens the door. He scoops Tobio up and squeezes him until he squeals and laughs.
Yui feels a little awkward, approaching the door. The last time they’d spoken, well, texted, it had been.
Difficult.
It’d been strained between the two of them for a long time, and she hates that it dips back into strained, after things were starting to get easier. Daichi’s smile falls a bit, when she shuffles closer, but at least he holds the door open to her.
It’s not long before they’re left alone, however, as Tobio squirms out of Daichi’s arms to play with the legos he’d so longingly been talking about.
“So,” Daichi starts, “can I get you a drink or something?”
“I can’t stay,” she says. She drops Tobio’s bag into a chair.
“Yeah. Okay. That’s fine, I didn’t mean to put you on the spot or anything-”
“I met Suga.”
She sees the way Daichi stills, the hard lines of tension in his jaw, across his throat, and she feels a little bad for blurting it out so carelessly. But then she sets her shoulders. They have to talk about it. No use pretending it’s not a sore subject.
“Did you?”
“The other day, when I was dropping Tobio off at daycare. Look, Daichi-”
“I don’t really want to hear about it, alright? How you’re uncomfortable or whatever. It’s not fair to me.”
“You’re right.”
Daichi’s grinding his teeth. That bad habit he hasn’t kicked in all the time she’s known him.
“You’re absolutely right,” she says, “but listen.”
“I don’t want to hear it-”
“Would you stop that? Listen to me. You’re right. You deserve fairness. You deserve happiness, wherever you choose to find it, and with whomever you choose to find it with. I met Suga; he seems very nice. Genuine, and kind. And Tobio likes him. But-”
She hesitates. Swallows the lump in her throat.
“No matter what we are right now, or have been in the past three years, it’s hard to - it’s hard to realize your closest friend has been keeping something from you for so long. And the petty part of me wonders if that’s the driving reason behind the divorce, if I wasn’t good enough for you, or right for you, even though I know that’s not true.”
“Yui-”
She swipes angrily at her eyes, embarrassed to find she’s tearing up.
“Just- Daichi. I know you need support. And you’ll have it from me, I promise, I just need some time to let this all settle, to stop feeling like this is somehow my fault.”
“Yui, it’s not.”
“I know, I know. I’m glad you told me, I really am. Even though I’m crying, what the hell. I swear it’s not you.”
She feels Daichi’s warm touch on her shoulder, a brief press, as she finishes wiping at her eyes. She tries a watery smile, but it’s half-hearted. She’s embarrassed, and emotional. Two things that rarely make up her disposition.
“I’m sorry that turned into such an outburst.”
“It’s fine. I’m glad you told me.”
“I’ve got to run. Bye, Tobio!”
Predictably, Tobio comes running around the corner. She kneels down to hug him.
“Mama, why you cryin’?” he says, pressing his hands to her cheeks. She feels her eyes water up again.
“I’m- I’m crying because I love you so much. Give me a hug, baby. I’ll see you in a couple weeks, okay? Be good for Daddy.”
Daichi doesn’t hug her, but he squeezes her hand at the door.
“You know,” she says, when she’s standing out in the hallway, “I’d like to officially meet Suga, if anything comes of that. Instead of just running into him. He seems like an interesting person.”
“Y-yeah. Ah, we’ll see. I’ll keep you updated.”
“Good.”
She still feels a little shaky, walking down the hallway, out into the bright sunlight, but she feels.
Good. Relieved.
“Alright, what’s wrong?”
Suga squints up at Tooru. He has an exquisitely agonizing headache, and the din of noise in the little coffee shop they’re stuck in isn’t helping.
“What are you talking about?”
“Don’t pull that crap with me, Suga.”
The aggression in his tone is surprising; Tooru’s usually unabashedly and unbearably bubbly, or pouting over something silly. He rarely takes the ‘best friend tone’ with Suga.
“You’ve been moping for days.”
“Have not.”
“Not only that, but your work efficiency has been through the roof. So much so that Iwa-chan actually asked me about it.”
Suga frowns. He does not like where this conversation is going.
“I’m always efficient in my work.”
“Not like this. Not like you’re trying to avoid thinking about something.”
“I’m not.”
Tooru sighs, and rubs at his temples. He’s exasperated, Suga knows. He’s hardly ever this transparent in his expressions.
“Just talk to me, Suga. Or someone, your mother, or Daichi-”
He can’t help it- he winces, just slightly when he hears Daichi’s name, but Tooru does not miss the opportunity to pick up on that.
“What’s going on there?” he says softly. Suga’s gaze slides to his cup.
“I met Tobio’s mother.”
He glances up briefly, to check Tooru’s reaction. Nothing but the gentle curve of an eyebrow, a patient sign of waiting.
“I met her at daycare a couple weeks ago, and. She introduced herself. She seemed nice, but. I dunno, it just made me rethink some things.”
“Some things, as in…?”
“Just things.”
Tooru’s mouth is a straight line. A prim, frustrated press of the lips.
“Did you tell Daichi you met Tobio’s mom?”
“No.”
“Have you told him about these things you’ve been pondering?”
“No.”
“Are you and Daichi still texting?”
The answer is there, at the forefront of his mind, on the tip of his tongue, but it’s hard to say. Hard to bring his thoughts into reality.
“Can we not talk about this? My head is killing me.”
“Suga, come on! What happened?”
“I don’t want to talk about this.”
“You need to. You need to talk to someone. I know you’re piling up stress again, have been for weeks, and keeping it all to yourself is no way to cope with it. I can-”
“Fine. Fine, Tooru. You get your way. No, I haven’t been texting Daichi. I met Tobio’s mom and I realized that I’ve been overstepping my boundaries with Tobio and with Daichi. I’m not a parent, I can’t pretend to be a parent, and I can’t pretend like I’m even comparable to her.”
His voice cracks, balancing on the edge of hysteria. His head starts throbbing.
“Suga-”
“I can barely take care of Shouyou, let alone somebody else’s kid, and it’s time that I realized that this game of pretend has got to stop. I don’t even know if Daichi’s gay! I don’t even know-”
He stops. Chokes. There’s a lump in his throat, an awful, burning lump. Helplessness swims through his brain, turns all his thoughts cloudy. He tries to swallow the first sob that creeps out, but it manages to slip out, and he feels the dizzy, nonsensical, lack-of-sleep weight pressing on his common sense. When the first tear rolls down his cheek, unchecked and unwanted, Tooru’s ushering him gently up, grabbing their things and letting Suga run ahead, with a hand pressed over his mouth.
He hates this. The struggle of trying not to cry in the middle of the sidewalk. The wobbly lip. The ache in his throat. He hates that his thoughts all turn to irrationality, to desolation, to the sensation that his entire world is ending.
So dramatic, having a meltdown.
Tooru’s at his elbow, buffeting him along. There’s a little park just down the street, one that they’ll sometimes take Shou to, if Tooru’s managed to rope him into stopping at the café after daycare.
He steers the both of them towards the lone bench. It’s so hot that the shade under which the bench sits doesn’t do much except make him feel more miserable.
“This sucks,” he gasps out, “this summer sucks. Why does it have to suck so much?”
Tooru sits down next to him, the ice in their cups shifting in the heat.
“Because you take too much onto your plate, and you keep it all to yourself. Sorry, darling.”
They sit in silence for a while, nothing but the hazy sound of cicadas buzzing and the noise of the city around them. Suga cries very quietly, his face buried in his palms, his breath shuddering, until it’s seemingly out of his system, and he’s left even more exhausted than before. This is a different kind of exhaustion, though, a bone-deep emptiness that’s laced with more relief than despair. Tooru was right; he’d been bottling too much up for too long.
“I’m sorry, Tooru.”
“For what?”
“For...this,” he says, spreading his hands.
“If you’re apologizing for a very understandable breakdown, don’t. But if you’re apologizing for an avoidable breakdown, then do.”
“I’m sorry for having an avoidable breakdown.”
Tooru’s stretched out beside him, all length of legs and perfect hair despite the awful heat. Their drinks are beading, little rivulets of water running down the cups and dripping onto the bench. The cicadas sound like heat.
“Apology accepted,” Tooru says, after a beat, “if you do your best to keep it from happening again.”
“Tooru-”
“I’m serious, Koushi.”
Suga glances to his left, where Tooru’s gaze cuts sharply into him.
“You’ve got to stop this. We’ve talked about it a hundred times. You’re really bad at letting yourself be happy.”
“I am not, you jerk-”
Tooru holds a hand up.
“You really kinda are. It’s not meant maliciously, just stating fact and observation. Of course, given the particular set of circumstances in which you’ve found yourself these past few months, it’s understandable, but for Christ’s sake, Suga! Stop convincing yourself that you’re incapable of pursuing what you want!”
Time and again, Tooru knows exactly how to strike at his heart. A hot feeling of shame runs through him, at how out of control he’d allowed himself to run without realizing it, and for putting his friend in this situation.
“This sucks, Tooru.”
“I know it does.”
“It’s never easy. Nothing can ever be easy in my life. I have to go through the whole stupid self-doubt thing, and keep it to myself until I’m bawling on a park bench in the middle of the day.”
“Well, you’re talking now. Finally,” Tooru says, clicking his tongue. Suga huffs out a laugh that sounds stuffy and thick.
“Just let me have a meltdown in peace, would you?”
“Suga-chan, does that sound like something I would do?”
There’s something funny going on in his chest, when he sees Suga slip in the door of the daycare one early morning.
It’s been nothing but radio silence from him for a few days, and sporadic answers to texts before that. A real sudden slip of mood, when things seemed to have been going well between the two of them. Daichi tries very hard to chalk it up to Suga’s schedule, and just leave it alone until whatever it is works itself out, but he’ll sometimes catch himself wondering, or picking over the details of their previous conversations, trying to figure out where he went wrong.
He squeezes Tobio’s hand a little more firmly as they approach the daycare, pushing the thoughts out of his mind. He’ll just drop Tobio off, say hello if he needs to, be pleasant, it’s not Suga’s fault-
“Sawamura-kun! Hey, wait a second!”
Daichi looks around, a little wildly. It’s too early in the day for people to be calling his name, especially when he hasn’t even made it into work yet. He spots Oikawa across the street, waving an arm like a maniac. He waves back, unsure, watches as Oikawa trips down to the crosswalk, and bolts across the street. He has drinks in hand, a bag bouncing wildly across his hip. Overall, he looks more unkempt than Daichi’s ever seen him. And in those two, brief moments of interaction they’d had in the past, Daichi had the idea that Oikawa was never unkempt.
“Oikawa, hey. Good to see you again-”
“Yeah, yeah, nice to see you all, too. Listen-”
Oikawa looms closer, a little out of breath. Daichi takes a step back at the sudden invasion in his space.
“So, about Suga-”
“What about him?”
“He and I had a talk, recently. Well, I talked. He mostly cried.”
“Cried? What’s going on? Is everything okay?”
“It’s fine. Kind of. Okay, that was worded badly. Just- he and I had a talk, and I need you to be aware of something he otherwise wouldn’t tell you.”
Daichi’s mind races, there in the middle of the sidewalk. Trips over life- threatening illness, Shouyou’s custody, something with work, something with-
“He’s into you. He’s so into you. That family man thing is so his style. And Suga’s now managed to convince himself that it’s a bad idea for him to show any interest in you. I know for a fact that you’re into him, too. Don’t give me that look. The two of you are as transparent as jellyfish. Suga’s been busy with his book, I will allow him that one excuse for slipping on the communication thing, but-”
Oikawa stops, his mouth working over his words a few times, before he stops, and starts again.
“He won’t say anything. He’ll backtrack, cut himself off from you. He’ll keep his mouth shut, and let this opportunity pass, because he’s- he’s scared, or stressed, or he’s just- he thinks he’s not worthy of happiness.”
Oikawa glances around, towards the daycare, and then down at Tobio. Daichi looks down at him, too. He’s glowering up at Oikawa, a curious cross of puzzlement and a frown shadowing over his face.
“And maybe this isn’t the best time to say this, but I’m at a loss with him. I know he hasn’t been texting you- I think he decided it’s for the best.”
“What?”
“He’s scared he’s forcing himself into you life. Yours, and Tobio’s.”
“That’s not true. That is in no way true.”
“I know. I told him that like, a hundred times, but I can’t convince him that he's wrong.”
Oikawa stares at him.
Daichi stares back.
He’s not sure what to say, given the situation. Especially with Tobio there.
“So,” Daichi starts. Pauses. Clears his throat. “So, what should we do?”
“There's no we. It's you. Say something to him.”
“You want me to say something to Suga?”
“Please.”
“Tell him that I’m- that I find him interesting?”
“Sawamura, please. Don’t try to lie to me. I’ve heard enough to know that you two have been flirting with each other for a solid four months. He’s the type to let go of people because he’s worried what they’ll think of him, but you look like the kind of man who doesn’t give things up without a fight.”
Something in Oikawa’s tone sets a bite of heat flaring up in Daichi. That old sense of competition is being stirred up again, driven by the challenge in Oikawa’s gaze, the slight smirk twitching across his mouth.
“You care a lot about him, don’t you?” Daichi says, when he’s made up his mind. Something changes in Oikawa’s face at that; the rawness of his expression is closed off, replaced with something more carefully crafted. Daichi gets the distinct impression that he’s just watched the curtains of Oikawa’s sincerity slam shut.
“What? No. I’m asking you to do this so I don’t have to put up with his moping anymore.”
“Okay.”
“It’s really bringing me down.”
“Okay.”
“Just get him to go on a date with you. Let him know that he’s the perfect man for you. Anyway, you better get sweet little Tobio-chan to school, because there goes Suga, and I’m not sure if I can orchestrate another ‘chance meeting’ like this again.”
Daichi turns around, and sure enough, there’s Suga emerging from the daycare. He curses mentally, as he and Tobio take off. His mind races over too much- he’s not prepared, he doesn’t know what to say, is there a better, more appropriate time to do this- but then, the old fire’s stirring up in him again, fueled by Oikawa’s delicate barbs, and the innate need to prove someone wrong.
There’s plenty that could go less- than- well; he could get rejected right there, in the middle of the sidewalk. He could blurt out the wrong thing. He could miss Suga entirely.
But he decides, much like his younger, impulsive self might-
Fuck it.
“Suga! Hey, Suga!” he calls, “Hey, hold on a sec!”
Suga turns around, sees them both. He’s too far away for Daichi to make out any details about the expression on his face, but he still gets hit with the sense that this could be awkward.
“Suga, please. Let me- let me drop off Tobio, and then let’s talk.”
“About what?”
“Just...stuff. Alright? Just hang on for a minute.”
He doesn’t wait to find out if Suga will stay, instead, guiding Tobio inside and quickly going about their school routine.
"Daddy, wha’s a date?” Tobio says, when Daichi’s helping him change his shoes.
“Ah. Well, it’s something two people who want to get to know each other better go on.”
“Why?”
“They want to learn about the other person. The kinds of things they like to do and food they like to eat and what kind of job they have.”
“Do you like dates?”
“Yeah. Most people do.”
“Does Mama like dates?”
“Yeah, I think she does.”
“Do I like dates?”
“Um, well, you might when you’re older.”
He kisses Tobio goodbye, and makes sure he’s settled in and playing before he slips out. Outside, he looks frantically in both directions, until he spots Suga, much further down the sidewalk than he had been just moments ago. Daichi groans, and takes off in a run, his bag swinging wildly. He’ll be sweaty when he finally makes it into work, but he doesn’t care. The only thing on his mind now is Suga.
“Hey! Hey, wait up. Suga.”
He’s the tiniest bit ashamed that he’s wheezing ever so slightly. Squeezing in gym time is tricky, and all those times he’s just skipped it in favor of playing with his son are made apparent now.
“You didn’t wait for me.”
“I have stuff to work on. I’m sorry, I’ve got to go-”
“No.”
His hand darts out, fingers circling around Suga’s wrist. He looks a little stunned by the grip, and Daichi immediately lets go. His words and his actions are coming out a little harsh, maybe.
Tone it back. Keep it under control.
“Please, Suga. Can we just talk for a minute?”
Suga looks unsure, chewing on his lip with an air of worry, but he nods.
“I know we’ve fallen out of touch these past few days, but I need you to know that I- I like you.”
“Did Tooru set you up to this? I swear to god I’m going to kill him.”
“No! Well, he did, but it’s more of a nudge than anything. A long overdue nudge. Please, Suga, listen, okay? It’s all coming from a place of honesty.”
Suga bites a little harder on his lip.
“I like you. A lot. Pretty much from the get- go, when I showed up as a stranger to your door with your nephew and my son, and you still welcomed us both into your home. You’re kind, and caring, and you treat Tobio well, and I can’t express how much that means to me. And, you know what? I’m just gonna lay all my cards out here. I- you’re gorgeous, and you’re incredibly fascinating, and you’re intelligent, and every time we meet, or talk, or even text, I can’t wait to find out more about you. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, so please don’t think it’s insincere. There’s a million things I want to do with you, if I can convince you to have me. Number one: please, please, please. Let me take you out.”
There’s a look on Suga’s face, a tension near the eyes. Like he’s working something over and over in his mind. Overthinking. Daichi reaches out again, clasping Suga’s hand gently, relieved when he doesn’t pull away.
“I realize a sidewalk is not the most romantic nor ideal place for a confession,” Daichi says, “but please say something.”
“I-I don’t know what to say.”
“Please say ‘yes, Daichi, I will go out with you.’ But, I mean, only if that’s what you want. All’s I’m asking for is a shot, and if it’s not right, it’s not right. Even if you truly don’t want to go out, that’s okay, too. I just need an honest answer. Your honest answer.”
Suga’s stopped chewing on his lip, but it trembles now, ever so slightly. Daichi’s heart is thumping in his chest, both from the run and anxious anticipation. But then-
Suga’s fingers squeeze against his, and his mouth curves into the barest hint of a smile.
“Okay,” he says, in a soft, whispery voice, like he can’t quite believe it himself.
“Okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Yes?”
“Daichi, stop it already. I said ‘yes’.”
“Oh god, yes!”
He could shout, right there. He could dive forward and lift Suga off the sidewalk, spin him around until the two of them were laughing and sick. But he doesn’t, because they are adults, and he’s already felt enough like an awkward teenager for one morning. And plus, it’s-
“Shit. Sorry. Ah, shit. Work.”
“Yeah, no, that’s fine.”
“I’ll call you.”
“Yeah.”
“Later tonight.”
Suga smiles, genuinely. Finally. Daichi hadn’t realized how much he missed that smile. He’s already taken a few steps towards his car, but he darts back on impulse, pressing a quick kiss to Suga’s cheek. And then he’s off, waving goodbye over his shoulder, grinning like a fool.
“Suga-chan, what’s a date?”
“Yeah, Suga-chan, tell us what a date is.”
Suga sighs, very quietly, so Shouyou won’t notice. He continues fussing with his clothes in the bathroom mirror, ignoring the two owl-eyed pairs of eyes staring at him from the doorway.
“A date,” Suga says, “is when two people go do something fun.”
“Fun? Like play on the swingset?”
“Sometimes.”
“Do they get ice cream?”
“Definitely.”
“Cake?”
“Sure.”
Shouyou leans back in his perch in Tooru’s arms, looking contemplative.
“I wanna go on a date,” he says, very seriously, so seriously that Suga has to fight to keep a more or less straight face.
“Maybe when you’re a little older, sweetheart.”
“Aw, boo. You’re no fun, Suga-chan.”
“Tooru, don’t make me hire a babysitter for the babysitter.”
“Will it be Iwa-chan?”
“Oh my god.”
“Iwa-chan! Is Iwa-chan coming to play with us, Too-chan?”
“I sure wish he would play with me…”
“Tooru, I absolutely did not hear that coming out of your mouth. Shou, I told you to call him Hajime-san, please.”
There’s knocking at the door, and Suga inhales sharply, nerves suddenly blooming in his chest. Tooru’s already halfway across the apartment, Shouyou in tow, but Suga rushes out to the door, and cuts the two of them off, swinging it open.
There’s a man standing outside his door.
Scratch that. Start over.
Daichi is standing outside his door, terribly handsome, sharply dressed. With a bouquet of-
Oh god, he’s a dream. He brought flowers.
“Ready?” Suga says, unable to keep quite still.
“Of course,” Daichi says, smiling broadly. The sight of it stirs up the nerves again, but it’s bearable, like bubbles warming his body.
“Bye kids. Have fun. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
Suga doesn’t even bother with a reply, just hands Shouyou the flowers and closes the door in Tooru’s face.
Daichi takes his hand in the elevator. Suga interrupts whatever he’s talking about by kissing him. When he pulls back, shocked at his own boldness, Daichi’s staring at him, his eyes dark and unreadable.
“I’m sorry, oh my god, I’m-”
But then Daichi’s kissing him, his hands running gently over the curve of Suga’s neck, and Suga can’t remember why he waited so long to experience this.
Maybe a kiss before the first date is even over is unconventional, but, well.
That’s okay.