Chapter Text
She moves out of Cassidy’s apartment the same day.
As he looks at her while she’s collecting her stuff – a thing she insisted on doing on her own – he studies her sluggish movements. She’s standing but favoring one side over the other,and constantly using the hand that’s not in the splint.
His fists tighten as rage consumes his entire body. He's angry because of what happened to her. He hates seeing the physical and mental scars the beast left on her.
She’s not the same.
He knows it. He could see it from the desperation in her eyes when he opened the door, her sadness clear as day in the frown on her mouth accompanied with dried tear tracks.
He catches a glimpse of himself in the side mirror. There’s a beard that wasn’t there before, an Elliot that buried himself deep into undercover work in order to forget about her. His body is filled with scars, a map of his lonely journey without her but also with her. The skin on his knuckles is adorned with scrapes and his body is built with muscle.
He’s not the same either and they both had to change, evolve into people that were unfamiliar in order to deal with each other’s absence from their lives.
He had that Olivia sized hole in his heart to deal with, but her? She was changed irrevocably by a monster he was unable to protect her from, a thing he’ll always blame himself for not being there for if he’s honest.
She grips her duffle bag on her hand and she walks towards him. He goes to take it from her and she gives it up willingly.
She looks haggard, barely able to keep herself upright from the damage being done to her. There are differences in comparison to the woman of before with the shell of a person standing in front of him. She’s broken, he realizes.
Olivia, his partner, wouldn’t do that. She wouldn’t willingly put her stuff on someone. She would insist on carrying her own weight, the act giving her a sense of independence. Now though, he recognizes the vulnerability and the surrender in this beautiful fragile creature this Olivia Benson is and he wants to wrap her in his arms and never let go.
“We have to wait for Cassidy. I have to say goodbye.”
He grits his teeth, not comfortable facing the man but he’ll have to suck it up and stand beside her. He'd do anything for her.
They are in this journey together — bound together by the holy union the NYPD bestowed upon them fifteen years ago.
He’s her partner for better or worse.
~oOo~
Cassidy throws him a knowing glance and takes it in stride when she makes the announcement.
They share a tension-filled hug as Elliot stands by the side. He thinks both Benson and Cassidy know in some weird convoluted way that this is goodbye between them.
When the man before him steps forward, he grasps his hand in a tight handshake, their eyes both straying once from each other.
“Take care of her and protect her.”
“I will," Elliot responds earnestly. "With my life.”
No more words are needed as he ushers Olivia out of the door with a gentle hand on her back.
~oOo~
He moves her to his apartment, a three bedroom one with a room for Eli and a guest bedroom for when the girls stay over.
“What, you and Kathy decided to invest in something smaller?”
Caught in the intensity of the moment, he forgot to tell her about the drastic changes in his life.
He clears his throat while scratching his beard.
“Actually, me and Kathy got divorced. I have Eli every other weekend when I’m not undercover.”
He watches as her mouth snaps shut, her brown eyes flooded with surprise as she glances down at his bare ring finger.
He laughs, something small and actually light-hearted.
“She’s got a boyfriend now and he’s a good guy. I’m actually happy for her. This was a long time coming.”
She doesn’t look at him as she enters the spare room and closes the door.
~oOo~
It’s 3 a.m. when terrified screams wake him from a deep slumber.
He can hear her whines and her scared murmuring. He tries to sit and listen because she may not want his presence inside her personal space, but he moves into action the minute she yells loudly, “ Elliot, save me.”
He realizes what’s happening as his body springs from the mattress in his own room. She’s dreaming about him, about Lewis , the monster that traumatized her. She’s also searching for him, her best friend and partner to come and save her.
He won’t disappoint her this time. Quietly rushing to open the door, he crouches low along the height of the bed and touches her shoulder, whispering reassurances, affirmations of loyalty.
When her eyes open, fresh tears slide down her cheeks. Her hands are curling around his neck and she tries to pull him towards her, hug him close to her. Initially, he thinks she doesn’t know what she's doing. She speaks softly, barely incoherent words but then a “Please,” slips out of her mouth and he knows she’s right there along with him.
He lays down beside her, embracing her, touching her delicately like she’s something fragile and valuable.
She means everything to him.
They fall asleep tangled in each other and no more nightmares follow.
~oOo~
“You need to go to a therapist.”
“I don’t need this, Elliot. I can deal with this on my own. I won’t be psychoanalyzed,” she snaps in anger.
He drops a plate full of muffins and a cup of coffee in front of her, looking at her straight in the eye.
“Let me correct my statement then. We need to go to a therapist. Both of us.”
The sound of her laugher is something beautiful, he hadn’t realized how much he had missed the melody that’s full of joy, a unique rhythm solely belonging to her.
“You? Therapy?”
“Don’t knock it till you drop it, Benson," he says while shaking his head. He reaches for the blueberry muffin and slowly peels the wrapper off before taking a bite. "After Jenna, I had some sessions that really helped me deal with some stuff.”
He observes as she lowers her gaze, pondering his words. He can tell she’s thinking about it and that’s his moment to strike.
He wants her healthy and happy, he’s craving this for both of them. They need to heal together in order to achieve that.
“Please? For me?”
With a sigh, she nods and he smiles with satisfaction.
Olivia Benson could never refuse the power of his baby blues.
~oOo~
Before they go to their first appointment with Doctor Lindstrom, he goes to shave his beard.
Olivia sees him in the bathroom while he's lathering up the shaving cream on his beard. She proceeds to grab the razor from his hand and drop it in the trash.
He raises an eyebrow.
“The beard stays.”
“Why?” he asks, curiously.
She tilts her head, glancing at the mirror in front of them.
“You said that we are going in there to share stuff, to talk and get help. I want to get to know the Elliot that you are now. I want to get to know that version of you just as you want to learn this version of me.”
He smiles brightly, the wide line of his mouth stretched from cheek to cheek as she exits the bathroom.
Something, call it instinct, tells him they got this.
~oOo~
Therapy is an exercise in restraint: there’s tears, long hidden admissions of hidden things and even fighting. Week by week, month by month, they give a little bit more of themselves, baring all their imperfections and flaws in front of the other.
Turns out, stuff is a lot easier when you talk.
During that time, he doesn’t get any more undercover jobs from Ayanna. He stays in the OCCB home base and works cases that come on their hands from the safety of a desk. For once, he lets the newbies do the hard work in the field. He’s present elsewhere, where it’s truly needed with Olivia: his partner and other half.
They share things now, they spend time together and explore sides of each other that they never truly showed due to their fears of not being able to leave one another and getting attached.
Deep down they both know that this is forever .
Olivia’s smile returns gradually. She starts opening up and living her life without the myriad of fears dragging her down. She lights up around him and when Eli comes and stays with them their routine changes from that of a lonely one to one with story times and group projects on the table.
Work is another thing.
She returns with some hardships, but with her family by her side: Fin, Munch, Amaro and Rollins, she stands back on her own two feet and thrives. Cragen has his eye on her throughout all of this and when he announces to her privately that he wants her in charge of the unit when he retires, she returns home and mumbles it apprehensively.
He knows her. She hates changes.
He tells her to suck up and ace the Sergeant’s exam, because there’s no one better than her. She’s the heart of SVU, the pillar of strength that keeps the precinct and all its people together.
A few weeks later, she passes with flying colors.
~oOo~
His palms are sweating as he holds her hand.
“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, in the case of the People vs. William Lewis, have you reached a verdict?”
“We have, your Honor. But before we read it, many of us have serious reservations about the conduct of Detective Benson that we’re not sure how to address.”
“That’s not in your purview.”
“Still, we want that on the record.”
“Proceed.”
“On the charge of attempted murder we find the defendant, William Lewis, not guilty.”
Elliot's breath stops and he watches the light leave from Olivia’s brown eyes.
Dear God, please don’t let the bastard get away.
“On the charge of attempted rape, we find the defendant not guilty.”
“I gotta go," she whispers with a tremoring voice as she gets up to leave the court bench, a fear unlike everything he’s ever seen in her eyes.
He doesn’t let her, instead he grabs her hand and wraps the other one around her waist as he squeezes tight, letting her see that she’s not alone and that her tormentor will never touch her with him by her side.
“ On the charge of assault on a police officer, we find the defendant guilty.”
A ray of hope and light shines down upon them.
Everything is not lost yet.
“On the charge of kidnapping, we find the defendant guilty.”
He wants to fall on his knees and thank God for this gift. Lewis is going away for life.
“Members of the jury, the state of New York thanks you for your service. You are dismissed. William Lewis, you are remanded to Rikers where you will await sentencing.”
Afterwards, he doesn’t let her see the beast, instead he guides her towards the court doors and lets her rest on the stairs to the side.
When hot tears slip past her cheeks, he cocoons her in his arms. He's giving her all his strength and love, letting his emotions flow through their unbreakable link. She’s made major steps and he won’t let that bastard make her doubt that, he won’t let him win. She healed and now they can put that monster behind them and live happily.
“Thank you for being here, El,” she breathily murmurs in his ear.
“Always going to be, baby. You won’t ever get rid of me. I love you.”
~oOo~
There’s beers and hors d'oeuvres as they all gather around the precinct for Cragen’s retirement party.
Olivia is wrapped in his arms as they all toast to their Captain – well, his previous Captain, but Cragen is still like a surrogate father to him.
“Benson, do something with the place, okay?”
They are cuddled together on the chair of his old desk, Liv in his lap, surrounded by their family but clearly only having eyes for each other in their own little world.
Donald Cragen’s soft eyes slide towards him challenging him with a paternal threatening gaze.
“Stabler, take care of her, will you? We both know how bad she’s at that.” Their surrogate father points out with a knowing look.
He grins, laugh lines apparent on his face from the rightness of his statement. At that exact moment, the lights of the precinct reflect on something shiny and Cragen’s gaze slides downwards to their intertwined hands with surprise.
Their wedding rings are like a neon sign, a flashlight amongst the darkness, a sun above them showing them the guiding light to their happiness.