Chapter Text
JILL - I
Lady Marchioness Jill Warrik, Dominant of Shiva, Princess of the Northern Territories
I hope that this message finds you well and in good health. I am sure that the arrival of my missive causes no small amount of trepidation to arise in you. Allow me to assuage these concerns by relaying the news you have no doubt been awaiting.
His Grace, Joshua Rosfield, and the Lord Marquess, Clive Rosfield, both live.
The Lords Rosfield are in the care of myself and the Knights Dragoon in the outskirts of what remains of Twinside. For the sake of brevity I shall avoid detailing the tale of my own survival and how the Rosfields ended up in my care.
While our acquaintanceship was brief, if I understand anything about you, then I expect that you will be making your way to Twinside anon. Your arrival will be expected and you will need only present this letter to any member of the Dragoons and they will ensure that you are brought to me.
I shall await your arrival.
Prince Dion Lesage, Crown Prince of Sanbreque, Dominant of Bahamut, Commander of the Knights Dragoon.
I must have read Dion’s letter a dozen times. The words on the page burned into my mind. Despite my outward confidence, for the past month internally my emotions were a maelstrom. I feared that if I faltered for even a moment that my resolve would crumble and I would find myself lost in the despair that consumed before Clive returned to me those my years past.
Confirmation of Clive’s survival broke my resolve anyway. No longer needing to hold onto the hope that he survived, I allowed myself to drown in worry about Clive’s health and the state he must be in for Dion to be one to inform me of his survival and not himself. I found myself picking over each word in the letter in an attempt to derive some secret meaning from it. I tried to think back on the lessons as a child where I was taught about hiding coded messages in letters if I was ever taken captive. Never had I regret more abandoning my lessons to join Joshua and watch Clive spar so often as I do now.
The secrets of the message, if any truly existed, were lost to me.
After announcing to half of The Hideaway that Clive was alive, the worry had yet to infect me, in its place was no small amount of smugness. I know that I was one of only a few left that held more than just a lingering hope of Clive’s survival, and more than once I had been approached by those trying to ease me into accepting that Clive wouldn’t be returning. Holding the proof of Clive’s survival in my hand, there was part of me that wanted to go up to each and every person who doubted and tell them that Clive was alive and they never should have doubted him. Perhaps not the best way to think about one's friends and colleagues, but my own self proclaimed moral high ground on this is what kept the fear lurking just beneath the surface from spilling out.
Thus, filled with smugness and joy, I started ordering about the dozens who were staring at me slack-jawed after my outburst.
“Gav, we need missives sent out to all of our contacts calling off the search and informing them that we have news that Clive is alive.” The scout’s expression changed from one of shock to determination as I spoke. “Also, get a message out to Byron informing him that his nephews are alive but he should remain in Port Isolde as I will be joining him there soon.”
“Aye Jill, I’ll get on that immediately.”
I ignored Gav brushing past and entering the chambers behind me to make use of the desk inside to complete the tasks I just assigned him. I was too focused on my own movements to pay him any more attention. Since reading Dion’s letter, I had already formed a plan on how I was going to get to Twinside. Typically, such impulsive planning was Clive’s purview, with my input acting as a tempering influence. It would seem in his absence, I took on his impulsiveness. Or perhaps such was the nature of all those that held the seat of Cid, if even for a short time.
“Someone inform Jote that Joshua has been found as well and tell her to meet me in Mid’s workshop.”
I didn’t pause a moment to see that my request was being followed. I needed to talk to Mid and I had no intention of anything from stopping me from speaking with her immediately. She had just returned from her last search party, where she had taken the Enterprise to scour the shores and waters around the ruins of Twinside in the hopes to find any sign of Clive or Joshua. Mid’s failure to turn up anything was the death knell for the hopes of many.
There must have been something about my expression or how I strode through the Hideaway, as I was given a wide berth by all who saw me coming. I paid them no mind. I had a clarity of purpose and I would see it through.
“Jill” Mid was clearly surprised to see me in her space given the shock on her face. It did not stop her from quickly rushing forward to wrap me in an embrace stronger than you expect from the small woman. “To what do I owe the pleasure? It's rare we see you outside of meals these days…”
“Mid, I have news.” I interrupted before Mid could continue further. “Clive and Joshua are alive. They are in the care of Prince Dion and his Dragoons.”
“What, really?!” Mid then decided to shock me by jumping for joy. “That’s fucking amazing. Dion, aye? Never would have guessed that. Feel a bit guilty actually. Spend all my time thinking about what came of Clive and Joshua, I forget that Dion was with them as well.”
Mid was not alone in her guilt, I often found myself forgetting that Dion left with Clive and Joshua to fight with them, and he too should have been considered lost after the fall of Origin and been searched for by our people. Worse still, I would find myself forgetting about Joshua as well. It was easy to do. Most of our people outside of the Hideaway didn’t even know of Joshua and each report from them would only relay that there was no news on Clive or Cid. It was far too easy for me to forget Dion and Joshua and focus solely on the emptiness in my heart caused by Clive’s absence.
“Well, if you’re here talking to me instead of halfway to Twinside,it must be because you need my help getting there.” Standing there, hands on her hips with her signature smirk, she reminded me of her father. Cid would be proud of her.
“Yes, My last report from you said that you docked the Enterprise in Port Isolde. Is that still the case?”
“Yeah, course. Last real friendly dock this side of Storm. Plus having helped save the local lord and his nephews a time or two means I don’t pay any dock fees.” Mid tossed a sly wink at that.
A soft voice then spoke up from behind me. “Jill, Goetz told me to meet you here. Said you had news for me.
Jote. She was dressed as she always was, in the simple robes that seemed a uniform for her order. I had offered her several changes of clothes during her stay here, but each time she pushed it away with a thank you but it would not be appropriate.
Jote’s hope had started to dissipate along with the others of late. Though I never thought she had any belief that they would be returning. Having spent the last five years watching Joshua’s decline as his body struggled to contain a portion of Ultima’s essence, she seemed long resigned to Joshua’s death. I hoped my news would rekindle the fire within her.
“Jote, we have received word from Prince Dion that Clive and Joshua are alive. They are currently in Twinside.”
The girl nearly collapsed under her own weight as the shock of the announcement caused her legs to give way. Quickly I moved to catch her in my arms and Jote began to sob gently in my chest.
“Thank the flames.” Jote pulled out my embrace and steadied herself. Wiping her eyes clean, her face took on her usual stoic expression. “Apologies for that display, it was unseemly. Would it be acceptable if I traveled with you to Twinside to see His Grace and the Lord Marquess?”
“Of course Jote, and please there is no need for apologies. Nor do you need to stand on ceremony with us. I know you felt Joshua’s absence as strongly as I felt Clive’s.” I tried to reassure the girl.
“Your words are kind, but such would be inappropriate.” Jote responded. I remain unsure if she was referring to dropping her use of titles or her own feelings for Joshua, perhaps both. It was plain as day that the care she held for Joshua had grown into something more during their years traveling together. Clearer still was Joshua’s own care for the girl, yet for some reason neither could see the affection they each held for the other. If this is what everyone meant when they said they had been waiting years for Clive and I to admit our own affection for one another, then I can now understand the frustration they held.
“Is that the Prince’s letter?” Jote made a gesture to the missive still in my grip. “Would you allow me to read it?”
“Here, go ahead.” I replied, passing the letter to her before turning back to Mid. “Word is already being sent to Byron and I expect he will want to join us. Other than Byron, it will only be Jote and myself joining you.”
“What, really?” Surprise etched into Mid’s face. “I expected to be ferrying half the Hideaway to Twinside.”
“As much as I know that they would like to join us, I must insist that they all remain and continue with our work. Despite the recent successes, I expect things to continue to get worse before they get better.”
“Can’t seem to catch a break…
“My Lady!” Jote interrupted. I looked back to her to find that the girl had entered into a deep stiff bow, her eyes focused on the floor. “Please forgive my ill manners. I was unaware of your new title.”
My own confusion at Jote’s words was matched by Mid’s. She stomped over and grabbed Dion’s letter from the poor girl’s grip. I could see Mid’s eyes slowly scan the paper and as she did she seemed to fill with mirth. Once she had finished, she broke out into laughter.
Confused as I was before, Mid’s reaction to the letter left me flabbergasted. Thinking about it now, I should have noticed immediately the two words in the letter that caused Jote and Mid’s reactions, too caught up was I in the news of Clive’s survival that I looked past it. Until Mid made me face the implications of Dion’s words.
“The prince… addressed you… as Lady Marchioness!” Mid explained through her chuckles.
“Which would imply… oh dear.” Heat began to rush into my face as I felt myself blush in embarrassment, which only gave cause to Mid to laugh further. I ended up having to spend the next few minutes explaining to Jote that Clive and I were not wed, and that I had no idea how Dion came to such a conclusion. The last statement earned me an eyebrow raise from Mid which only further flushed my already red cheeks.
Once we were able to convince Jote that Clive and I had not been married in secret, we set about planning our journey to what was left of Twinside to reunite with Clive, Joshua, and Dion. We would leave the next morning at daybreak and make our way to Port Isolde with haste. Our group would be small; only myself, Mid, Jote and Torgal. Upon reaching Port Isolde we would rendezvous with Byron and the Enterprise would be prepared for the journey to Twinside.
With the plan made, we went our separate ways to prepare. My first stop was Charon. She waved off all my attempts to pay for the supplies, demanding only that I “bring our boy back, ya hear?” Tarja tried to force her way into the group, only relenting when she accepted she was needed more here with the newborn. In her place, she loaded us with a crate’s worth of different potions and detailed instructions on how Clive and Joshua were to take their medicine.
The conversation with Gav and Otto was easier than expected. Gav accepted quickly the need for him to stay behind and continue to coordinate our efforts. What was less than ideal was that Mid had apparently been telling all who would listen of Dion’s mistake and Gav took great pleasure in joking about it. It was Otto who made the killing blow on my patience when he said “You can’t blame the poor lad, the walls here are rather thin.” I almost ran him through on the spot.
We ended up making surprisingly good time to Port Isolde. On a whim, I did my best attempt to mimic Clive’s whistle when we entered Rosaria. My mimicry must have been close, as Ambrosia appeared before us instantly. I was worried at first that she would not let us ride her and her flock without Clive present. My worries were proven unfounded as she allowed me to mount her, and Jote and Mid rode on two of her flock.
Arriving at Port Isolde, we met Byron’s man Rutherford just beyond the gate. He informed us that Lord Byron had received our message and had been busying himself with ensuring that the Enterprise was ready to sail. This caused Mid to run off, grumbling about how that old man better not be messing with her ship. Rutherford, unfazed by Mid storming off, offered to bring Jote and I back to the manor where rooms had been made up in anticipation of our arrival.
That is how I found myself sitting at an overly ornate desk in private chambers in Byron’s manor, reading Dion’s letter. Byron had spared nothing in preparing my chambers despite knowing that our stay would be brief, and I would presume Jote’s chambers are similar. We were directed to chambers dedicated to family members rather than to the wing dedicated for guests. A warm bath had been drawn and was waiting for me when I arrived. Overall, it would be easy to forget that the world outside was crumbling and a selfish part of me wanted to, if only for tonight.
A rapping at the door pulled me out of my musings. “Jill, are you decent? Would you mind if I came in?”
Though muffled by the door, the voice was distinct. “Yes, Lord Byron, I’m decent. You may enter.”
The door creaked upon and Byron stepped through.
“Lord? You should know by now that there is no need for such titles with me.” Mirth was dancing in Byron’s eyes. What did he find so amuse… “More so now that Mid tells me you're my niece-in-law.” Byron chuckled.
I sighed. Must Mid inform everyone of Prince Dion’s mistake? It was one thing around The Hideaway, but this was one of Clive’s only remaining family members.
“Hah! No need to begrudge our young engineer her fun, nor Dion his misunderstanding. I made the same presumption regarding you and Clive when you first showed up at my door.”
The shock of Byron’s words must have been clear on my face as Byron continued.
“There is no need to look so surprised. The two of you appearing together on my doorstep after eighteen years? There are only a handful of reasonable scenarios for such an occurrence. The truth of it was not half as believable as you two being wed and on the run.”
My shock gave way to embarrassment and I felt the blush returning to my cheeks once more. I tried to find any words, if only to change the course of this conversation but none came. My silence allowed Byron to continue.
“Even more so considering the shared affection the two of you shared in your youth. I know Elwin was considering a betrothal after the business with Drake’s Breath was concluded. But such was not meant to be.”
A betrothal! I had never even considered that such would have been in the works. I knew as the hostage princess of a foreign realm that I would eventually have been married off to some high noble house in the dutchy, or even into the royal line. The Duchess had made it clear very early on what my one and only use was. But it was all only ever in the abstract. I never imagined something was so set in stone, and with Clive.
Whether taking mercy on me or having nothing more to say on the topic, Byron moved the conversation on.
He sighed. “But there is no good that comes from dwelling on the roads not traveled in the past.” Byron then took on a softer expression and posture. “Tell me true Jill, how have you been?”
“I’ve been fine.” The lie passed easily from my lips as it had since Metia’s light had gone out.
“You're a better liar than my nephew. But the facade you're wearing now is the same one that stared at me in the mirror for eighteen years. There wasn’t a chance I wouldn’t recognize it on you.” Byron leaned forward and squeezed my shoulder. He wore the same kind fatherly smile he gave to Clive and Joshua. “There is no need to wear it here, my dear.”
Being called out so suddenly broke the little resolve I had left. The walls keeping my emotions in check crumbled. Tears I had been holding back started to flow freely as the sorrow, fear, and guilt I had been repressing filled me. Byron immediately pulled me into a tight embrace.
“Oh Jill. Speak with me. I beg of you.” Byron pleaded. “Take from an old man who’s known too much grief in his time. Holding this all in will do you no favors in the end.”
“It’s my fault. If Clive had died it would have been my fault.” The truth that I had buried deep behind my walls of confidence and assurance spilled free. “Dion was able to prime into Bahamut even after Clive had taken a part of the Eikon’s essence. If I had a stronger will then Shiva could have joined the fight with them. But I wasn’t strong enough.”
The truth finally flowed free from me and I felt myself overcome by the emotions I tried to bury. Even now that I had confirmation of Clive, Joshua, and Dion’s survival I could still only think of the worst. What if they had been injured to the point that they would never recover? We would arrive only to be told they had passed on before we arrived. What if they had been permanently crippled in their fight with Ultima? At the end of each scenario that forced its way through my mind one statement bounced around my head. ‘If only Shiva had been there.’
“Jill, let me tell you a story.” Byron slowly backed out of the embrace and helped me regain my seat. Grabbing a nearby chair, Byron sat across from me and continued. “This is a story of a young man. Now this young man, he had a brother and two nephews.”
“One day when the young man was overseeing a fleet of ships that were to be sent to war, tragedy struck and the young man’s brother and nephew were killed.”
“Byron,” I tried to interrupt. “I know how this story goes and I…”
“For eighteen years the young man wondered what he could have done differently. What actions he could have taken, or not taken, that would have changed the fate of his family. So lost he was in his guilt and so lost was he in the past, the young man never looked towards the future.”
Byron’s gaze was piercing, and hid a deeper sorrow I had not noticed before.
“I lost many good years to my own guilt, Jill. I was so lost in my own guilt, so stuck in that moment I unknowingly stopped living my own life, not caring for what the future held. When you two showed up at my door I found new vigor in life that I thought had died the same night Phoenix Gate fell to the flames.”
He leaned forward grasping both of my hands in his, holding them up to our eyes.
“This is no way to live, Jill. Perhaps you are right and Shiva could have made a difference. Perhaps I was right and if I was there that night I could have saved my brother. But these events are in the past, and no amount of wishing can change that.”
Byron squeezed our hands together a little tighter.
“Our boys are alive. Now is not the time to be lost in the past, but the time to look towards – and help build – a better future. I wish I had done so all those years ago. I hope now I can pass on some of my experience to you so you don’t make the same mistakes that I did.”
How had we not seen the sorrow and guilt Byron held within? He always seemed so filled with life and vigor. Had the news of Clive’s survival after eighteen years rejuvenated him so, or had that been a part of his facade as well?
Thinking further on Byron’s words, I realized he was right. For weeks I had thrown myself into the work of Cid and The Hideaway, paying little heed to myself or anything beyond my work. Even now, with news of Clive’s survival fresh in my head and heart, I still found myself going back to the worst case scenarios and exclaiming how it would all be the result of my own failures.
“I’ll try, I promise.” The confidence I had at my own statement surprised me. I realized how much I wanted to focus on the future and escape from the past. I hope I am strong enough to do so.
“I would have hoped for a more definitive statement, but I know from my own experience that trying is sometimes all we can do.” Byron gave a few slow nods before releasing my hands from his own. He slapped his thighs before moving to stand. “Well, it’s getting late and I need some rest before we set sail at dawn. I would recommend you get some sleep as well. We can’t go rescuing the Outlaw Cid from his latest predicament if we are falling over ourselves exhausted.
Byron moved to leave and stood at the open door before wishing me a good night. As the door shut behind him I heard him call for Rutherford to prepare his cutlass and finest armor to be ready to break out an outlaw from dastardly imperial clutches. It brought me no small measure of peace to realize that even holding all of that guilt and sorrow, Byron was still -- and would always remain at heart -- Clive’s silly uncle. If Byron could do it, then so could I.
For the first time in weeks, I slept peacefully.