Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Kaeya, shit, what happened?”, Diluc said, falling onto his knees next to Kaeya, who had collapsed on the ground next to the bridge in front of Mondstadt, one hand on the soft grass and one on the gravel. Something was wrong with him, more so than yesterday, but he didn’t know what, and he didn’t know what to do, either. He had just gotten the strength to apologize for being really, an asshole, yesterday, and now Kaeya was running from him before just – falling over. Why had he even gone outside in this state? Whatever kind of illness this was, it would surely be better to just stay inside and take some herbs or call a healer from the cathedral.

But now, here he was. On the ground just outside the city, with what seemed to be a delirious Kaeya, and he didn’t know what to do. Of course, Diluc knew how to care for wounds and what medicine to give for a cold, but he didn’t know how to heal or treat an illness like this. And also, he really didn’t know how to deal with his and Kaeya’s history. He had to do something, though.

Kaeya leaned over, and before he landed face down on the ground, Diluc grabbed the younger’s shoulders, helping him into a sitting position, despite Kaeya’s weak attempts at shaking him off. “What’s going on, Kaeya? I… What should I do?”, Diluc asked, even though he was aware that he would most likely not get an answer. Kaeya just blinked at him, not saying a word. He really did seem to be delirious or hallucinating. He didn’t even really look at Diluc, seemingly staring into nothingness.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. “You need to get to a doctor, Kaeya”, Diluc said, unsure if Kaeya even heard him. He seemed half asleep, or half dead, though Diluc tried his best to avoid that thought. “I don’t know what’s wrong, but you’re not okay. I can’t… I can’t have you die here, okay?” That thought came awfully quick, Diluc knew, but he couldn’t help but think of father, who he had once held in the same position. And he couldn’t let that happen to Kaeya – what would father think of him? He had already failed as Kaeya’s brother, he couldn’t fail even more.

Was Kaeya his brother? Diluc wasn’t sure. He wanted Kaeya to be, that was out of the question, despite how he had ruined it all years ago. But maybe Kaeya didn’t want to be his brother. Diluc would understand that, because despite disliking the thought, he had ruined it between them once already. He had been angry and sad and that was just a terrible combination – and so, he had broken everything between them. When he thought back to what he did in those emotionally charged nights, he really wanted to slap some sense into his younger self. How could he do any of that to Kaeya, the most important person in his life? Diluc had been a terrible brother, an idiotic asshole, rude and mean and even going as far as telling Kaeya that they weren’t brothers anymore, the same night as father died before disappearing for three years, leaving Kaeya all alone.

He wished Kaeya was his brother and he had wanted to tell him that, as well as his apologies, but he had never managed to say the words. He had never been particularly good at talking, especially after father’s death. Even more so, though, when Kaeya was around. It was like all the words had been stuck in his throat.

Now though, at the sight of his brother in his arms, they all bubbled to the surface. “Please, Kaeya, stay with me”, he whispered. Kaeya coughed, and Diluc helped him into a straighter position, to make the coughing easier on his lungs. Only then could he see the silent tears running down Kaeya’s cheeks. Diluc swallowed, before pulling Kaeya closer to him, blinking away the tears gathering in his own eyes. “I’ll get someone, and you’ll be fine again, and then… then I’ll tell you all my apologies, Kaeya. Because I’ve been terrible, I know it, and I miss you so much and I just want my little brother back… Please, Kaeya, don’t leave me here!”

He needed Kaeya to be okay. He didn’t know how to go without Kaeya, without seeing him sit by the bar at the Angel’s share, without seeing Kaeya watching over Klee while taking a walk through the forest, without Kaeya bothering him about being the dark knight.

He needed Kaeya. He needed his brother.

This was all his fault. Because he couldn’t tell Kaeya how important his younger brother still was to him, because he could only show that he still cared through mean words and sending him home after drinking too much. Why had he not noticed, that Kaeya was this sick? He was supposed to be the older brother, the one to take care of Kaeya.

He gathered Kaeya in his arms, doing his best to stop himself from shaking. He couldn’t drop Kaeya, he had to be strong. He needed to… he needed to get a healer. He needed to get Kaeya to the cathedral, to get Barbara, so that she could heal him and he could finally tell Kaeya that they were brothers and that he loved him and had never stopped.

Diluc stood up, trying his best to gather himself, before starting to walk towards the bridge. It wasn’t far, he could do this. And then Kaeya would be healed, and Diluc could apologize and they’d get… better. Maybe not okay, but better. He’d make sure of that.

That was the moment when Kaeya started gagging. Diluc stocked in his movements, panicking. What did he do now? Was this his fault also? Did he move to quick and something had gotten caught in Kaeya’s throat? He needed to think straight, find a solution, but it was so hard to think clearly when his eyes were teary and he could barely see ahead. Before he could wipe the tears away, one fell onto Kaeya’s face, who blinked up at him slowly.

“Please don’t leave me, Kaeya. I love you”, Diluc whispered, standing with Kaeya pressed tightly to his chest. He felt so fragile, like he could break if Diluc held him just a bit too harsh. So, as careful and as quick as he could, he carried Kaeya back to Mondstadt, trying not to think too much about Kaeya’s closed eyes and rare, rattling breaths.

Diluc needed to save his brother.

- - -

It was warm. So, so warm and soft all around him. Kaeya never wanted to open his eyes, they were too heavy for that anyways, and instead just stay here, wherever here might be. It felt like how he had thought it would be like to live on a cloud.

Back when he was a child, many, many years ago, father had read him and Diluc stories about people living in the clouds, directly under the sun, always warm and cuddled in soft cotton. Maybe Kaeya was on a cloud, he didn’t think he would mind. This comfortable feeling was way too good to pass up, he couldn’t imagine the last time he had felt so lovely.

Of course, if he thought to hard, if he pressed his eyes close too tightly, he could slowly start hearing the whispers in the background, or realize the scratch in his throat, but if he just snuggled deeper into the warmth and sighed softly, it all went away.

So that’s what he did. Maybe he deserved some soft clouds every once in a while.

- - -

The next time Kaeya realised that there was a world around him, he was still huddled into the soft clouds, though they didn’t really feel like clouds anymore. Instead, they seemed to be blankets, thick and heavy above him, protecting him from the reality. It reminded him off when he was younger, playing hiding with Diluc under the blankets of the winery on a cold winter morning, until Adelinde would come in and call them downstairs for pancakes, which would be packed with syrup and fruit, and then he’d have a wonderful morning with Diluc and father and –

When Kaeya had moved out, he had never been able to find blankets as nice as those that belonged to the winery. He couldn’t remember when he had least been this warm, no, he could, but he just… he didn’t want to.

This time, though he was warm. It wasn’t as good as it was back then, because he was sweaty and his skin felt clammy, and even though his eyes were closed it was uncomfortably bright, but it came close. He blinked, slowly, imminently being hit with direct sunlight. The only thing he could make out was some red next to him, maybe a pillow or folded blanket. He wanted to say it reminded him of Crepus, but that thought caused him to feel the scratch in his throat again, and he closed his eyes.

He didn’t want to be real again just yet. He wanted more softness, more quiet, more warmth. It was a bit selfish, but this was much more comfortable than he had been in days, months, maybe years. And here, in this weird dream or hallucination or whatever it seemed to be, it was nice. He’d stay a bit longer, not like it’d bother anyone.

Kaeya pulled the fabric up higher, right under his nose, and took a deep breath. It didn’t take him long to fall asleep again, curled up tightly.

- - -

He woke up to a slight breeze brushing through his hair. It was cool and smelled fresh, like on an early morning. When he tried to escape the wind, though, by trying to huddle under the blanket again, it felt uncomfortably damp. His skin was clammy and he imagined a nice, hot soak in the bath before falling into fresh sheets.

But, here Kaeya was, stuck under sweaty blankets. He had not much left to do but blink into the light, sun rays imminently meeting his sight. The surroundings felt familiar, but he could not figure out in what way. Instead, he blinked up to the wooden ceiling, eyes slowly getting used to the light. When he moved his head, he could see an open window. The sky was light blue, without a single sight of clouds. It was a bit like in his childhood bedroom, he supposed, but that seemed rather unlikely. Diluc would never allow him to come back there. He was allowed to come with the excuse of business to greet Adelinde and Elzar from time to time, but nothing more. The winery belonged to Diluc, as did Kaeya’s childhood.

The window shutters rattled in the wind.  Where his body wasn’t hidden under the blanket anymore, he felt himself shiver.

Kaeya sniffled, fingers gripping onto the blanket as his eyes slipped close once more. He felt weird – like he was still living in a dream, not completely back in the world around him yet. He yawned. Somehow, this seemed pretty real. He could feel the damp blanket, the wind, and the way his throat hurt. It felt raw and painful whenever he took a breath too harsh or swallowed. Why was that? He didn’t know. It was like his mind was empty, cleared out and swept with a broom, and it took some time before he realized that his senses and thoughts were coming back slowly. Why were they gone in the first place? What was going on, was there something wrong with him?

As he could feel more and more of the world around him again, Kaeya realized there was something else wrong, too.

Wasn’t he dead?

He didn’t know what being dead felt like, but he hadn’t imagined it to be so warm and yet so painful. He had wondered what death would be like before, but had rather imagined it to be empty. Or for him to be just gone. But he felt very much like he did when he was alive, just as living and miserable. Why was he so alive? Why did his throat still hurt, coughed raw? Why was he even breathing?

Kaeya blinked. The sun was still shining, and the shutters were still moving in the wind, and he was still uncomfortable. The whole situation didn’t seem to be right. Was this death? He had to be dead, he was supposed to be dead, it didn’t make any sense. He opened his eyes again and once more closed them imminently. This time though for a different reason.

There was someone sitting by the bed he was laying in.

When he opened his eyes again, he could make out bright red hair, very messily sprawled all over the person it belonged too, who had taken a seat in an rather small looking arm chair right next to him. They were hugging their legs with their head placed on their knees, which would surely make an imprint on the person’s cheek, but their eyes were closed and they were snoring very quietly. And while Kaeya very much still wasn’t thinking completely clear, his head cloudy and tired, he couldn’t think of anyone but Diluc and father having such a hair colour. But the facial features were still young, without wrinkles like Crepus had had them, so was this Diluc? Why would Diluc have chosen to cram himself into that chair to sleep? Why would Diluc be here?

This was too much for him. He was still cold, and his hair felt just a tad too greasy for it to be comfortable, the blanket wasn’t made of those soft clouds anymore. Kaeya didn’t like it.

Maybe Kaeya really was dead. Or dreaming, or hallucinating, or… he didn’t know. Instead he coughed, but unlike before, it felt surprisingly freeing. Normal. Like he had a cold like any other. Like there wasn’t a flower inside of him anymore. But how was that possible? He should’ve died, he had been so close – so damn close. Why was he here, why was he alive, why was the flower gone?

The door creaked, and Kaeya looked up. Inside the doorway stood Adelinde. She was wearing her usual uniform, and carrying a tablet with what looked like cups on it, but her hair wasn’t as orderly as usual and she had dark circles under her eyes. But still, a soft smile spread over her face as she blinked at him. “Master Kaeya”, her voice was quiet, as were her steps as she moved to his bedside. Her hands were cool and nice on his clammy skin, as she moved to cup his face. “I’m so glad to have you back with us, Master Kaeya.”

Kaeya couldn’t do much but stare. What was Adelinde doing? Was he actually at the winery, and it wasn’t just a feeling? Was he home?

Adelinde sat down on the side of the mattress, running her fingers through his hair. The look in her eyes was the same as it had been when he was younger. “Can you talk, Kaeya?”, she asked.

“Adelinde”, Kaeya whispered, voice hoarse and quiet. “Where am I?”

She smiled. “You’re in the winery. We had you placed in the cathedral originally, but when your vitals were stable, Miss Barbara allowed us to relocate you. Though I believe she mainly did it out of concern for Master Diluc, as he did not get any proper rest with you there. I hadn’t seem him as decomposed as then for years.” Adelinde chuckled, though she did not look amused. “How are you feeling now?”

“Cold”, he answered, voice low. “Dirty.”

“You are in need of a bath, I believe”, Adelinde answered. “And while you’re warming up there, I can turn on the fire here and get some fresh sheets for you, how about that?”

Kaeya just nodded, not knowing what else to answer. Also, his throat did hurt when he swallowed, so staying quiet was just more comfortable.

“But take a sip first”, Adelinde had one of the tea cups in her hand. “It’s warm and will be good for your throat, especially with how long you’ve been unconscious.”

He let the head maid help him take small, controlled sips of the warm tea. It tasted sweet and of herbs, way better than those he had at home. “I’ve been unconscious?”, he asked, after Adelinde had set the cup back down.

She nodded. “For almost a week now. I’m really glad to see you with me again. I’m sure the other’s are too, we’ve all been very worried.” We?, Kaeya wanted to ask. Who was we? Maybe Adelinde and Elzer? But we seemed to be an awfully big word for two people.

“But for now, let’s concentrate on getting you comfortable again”, Adelinde stood up. “I will run you a bath, and then you can get all warm and clean. I’ll be right back, okay?”

Kaeya just nodded while Adelinde was already on her way out the door. She was talking to him like she had back when he had been a child, but he was still sick and very much not feeling the strongest, so it was fine. It was just… a lot. The winery, Adelinde, the person, who he was now very much sure was Diluc, sleeping cramped up on a chair next to his bed and the flower just being gone. He could still feel the remains, his hoarse voice and sore throat were constant reminders, but there was no more coughing, no more petals. It was just gone.

It all seemed a bit like a dream.

Adelinde had mentioned Diluc not getting proper rest with Kaeya being sick, but he almost couldn’t believe her. Why would Diluc be distraught because of that, because of Kaeya? He was just that, after all. Just Kaeya.

And Diluc didn’t like Kaeya. In fact, Diluc hated him.

But in fact Kaeya was supposed to be dead, and here he was, alive and not yet well, but better. It was weird, really. He didn’t understand it yet.

The door opened, and Adelinde hushed back inside on light feet. “Your bath is ready. Let’s try to be quiet while walking over, I would prefer to not wake up Master Diluc. He really does need some sleep.” Kaeya nodded, letting her help him out of bed and the few metres to the small bathroom next door. It felt a lot further, with how weak he actually was, the week he had been unconscious was very noticeable in that way.

In the bathroom, Adelinde let him undress himself, instead choosing to put on the fireplace in the bedroom and change the sheets. She really was wonderful, Kaeya had missed her so much. She had been the closest resemblance of a mother he had ever had.

The water was warm when he sank down into the tub. With bubbles and sunsettia scented soap, he felt transported years back, just like he had in the bedroom. It was his childhood bedroom, he remembered. The wallpaper was still the same, as were the curtains. He had thought Diluc would’ve thrown it away, but instead, it was almost how he left it when he moved out. Weird.

Adelinde came back inside soon after, helping a tired Kaeya wash his hair and out of the tub, into some comfortable clothing. When Kaeya realized who it belonged to, he swallowed, but Adelinde was working as quick and thorough as always, and he didn’t get any time to voice his concerns.

After also drying his hair, they walked back over. The room had warmed up nicely, with a fire going and the window closed now. When Kaeya sank down into the thick, fresh sheets, he imminently wanted to fall asleep. It had always been the most comfortable here, way more so than in his current home.

He yawned, pulling the covers over him. A bit more sleep wouldn’t hurt, right?  Not when it was this warm all around him. “Sleep a bit more”, Adelinde said as well. “You can eat when you wake up again, and I’ll notify Miss Barbara so she can take a look at your condition.”

Kaeya nodded. Only then he noticed that the chair, now placed in the corner of the room, was empty. “Where did he go?”, he asked, pointing at the chair.

“Oh, Master Diluc woke up while I made the bed”, Adelinde didn’t lose her smile while talking. “He said that if you’re fine, he could go catch up on some work. I believe he’s just a bit nervous about everything, as you know, he’s not the best with words.” That much was true. “I believe he’ll talk to your later. Just a few days ago he told me that there was a lot he needed to say.”

Diluc needed to talk to him? But about what? The worrying made Kaeya fist the blanket, pulling it tight around his hands.

“Don’t worry about it, Master Kaeya. Both of you do that”, Adelinde’s fingers were once again threading through his hair. “Sleep a bit more. That’ll help.”

It was wonderfully easy to fall asleep in the softest blankets in all of Teyvat.

- - -

The next time Kaeya woke up, it was late afternoon. The sun didn’t shine into the room anymore, but the sky was just as bright as it had been in the morning. He didn’t want to get up yet, so he just sat in bed, watching the way the trees moved in the wind. It was nice, to see nature again when he looked outside, and not the streets of Mondstadt. Not to say that he disliked those, but this was special.

The tea that was still standing on the nightstand was cold by now, but Kaeya drank it anyways, not wanting to get up and ask Adelinde for a new cup. His legs still felt weak, like if he’d try to walk down the stairs he’d surely get dizzy, even though he didn’t like to admit it.

But he didn’t need to wait very long, as Adelinde peaked her head inside a few minutes later. “Ah, Master Kaeya, you woke up again”, she asked, opening the door completely and stepping inside. Behind her, someone followed. It was Barbara, her blonde hair bouncing as she walked. Her hydro vision glimmered in the light from outside. “How are you feeling now?”, Adelinde asked.

“A bit better”, Kaeya said, trying a smile. “Hello, Barbara.”

“Hello, Sir Kaeya!”, the young nun answered.

“Miss Barbara was nice enough to come over to check your condition, now that you’ve woken up”, Adelinde mentioned.

“We’re all glad that you’re feeling better”, Barbara said. “I’m also supposed to give you greetings from Sister Rosaria, she mentioned that you must hurry up with getting better, as she now has no one to sit with in the Tavern.”

Kaeya chuckled at her words. It was really nice of Rosaria to think of him – everyone was aware that the nun had a hard time showing affection, so he was glad to hear something resembling that she was missing him. “Please tell her thanks”, he said.

“Of course”, Barbara said. “Now, let me take a look at you.” The check-up didn’t take too long – she gave him some herbs against the fever he still had as well as ordered him to drink lots of warm tea for his throat. He was supposed to start eating and moving more the next few days, though Barbara had mentioned to do so slowly many times, and at least three more weeks before going back to work. “For his own safety”, she had said.

“I will make sure he listens”, Adelinde had reassured her. “We’re really glad to have you doing better, Kaeya. You don’t know how worried everyone was once the message of your illness had reached the citizens of Mondstand. Elzar was white as chalk when he got the message.” Kaeya swallowed at the imagery of that sight. “Especially as no one knew what exactly was wrong.”

Her tone made Kaeya feel a bit bad. Had they really been so worried about him? He almost couldn’t imagine it. Why for him? He was just Kaeya, he was nobody special, he went to work and he went to the tavern and he went home. Nobody needed to worry for him, that’s why he had told nobody, that’s why he had tried to disappear and to just let himself die. Because it’d be better for everyone.

Adelinde’s thumb was caressing his hand. Suddenly, death didn’t seem that good anymore. It was still a lingering thought, a resort that he could go to if nothing else went right, but at sight of Adelinde’s smile and at her comfort, it seemed like … someone might actually miss him, if he were to die right now.

“Of course”, Barbara added to Adelinde’s words. “I couldn’t remember the last time we had as many people want to visit the infirmary as when you were unconscious. I had to send most of them away, though. Your condition wasn’t stable enough.”

Kaeya didn’t find the words to answer her. All he could was nod, and stare the blanket. His feet were getting very warm under it.

“Lisa is looking into what you had, by the way”, Barbara informed him. “I could only see that there had been a blockage, though it was gone by the time I took a look. Your throat is still scratched and irritated, that’s why it hurts – but that’ll take another week or so to heal.”

“That’s nice of her”, was all Kaeya could say. It was the truth. It was nice of Lisa to try and help, though he wasn’t sure he wanted anyone to know. He had kept the secret so well. Nobody should know that he had almost died because he was unloved. Though, now that he thought about it, why did the flower just disappear? That shouldn’t be possible, if he remembered the book correctly. Maybe he had coughed it out? Could that be? It seemed unlikely…

“Well, aren’t you distracted today?”, Adelinde’s soft laugh got him back into reality, and he could feel his cheeks heating up. “Not that I mind.”

“I think I’ll better get going then”, Barbara said. “I’ll be back tomorrow or the day after to check on his condition again. If it worsens, contact me or another healer immediately. We don’t want to take unnecessary risks.”

“Of course”, Adelinde answered. “I will bring you to the door. Would you like another tea, Kaeya? I’m walking past the kitchen anyways.”

Kaeya nodded. “That’d be nice, thank you. And you as well, Barbara. Thank you for helping me so well.” The young girl smiled at him, going a bit red at the compliment, before she and Adelinde left the room, to leave Kaeya alone with his thoughts.

He laid back down into the soft pillows, but his head wouldn’t shut up, his thoughts travelling back to the fact that the flower just disappeared. Was that possible? How so, even? He had read the chapter about the illness. He’d die from unrequited love, without a cure. And no matter how he turned the circumstances, there had been no hope for him.

But still, he wasn’t dead.

Instead, he was laying in his childhood bedroom, a place he’d never thought he’d see again, and was getting better. Adelinde had even told him that other’s had cared, and Barbara mentioned that they’d tried to visit. That didn’t seem very real, but he doubted that Barbara would lie. It didn’t seem like something that Barbatos would approve her for.

“Here’s your tea”, Adelinde stepped back inside, bringing a new cup with her, alongside some vegetables and crackers. “I also bought something light for dinner, so that you can get some energy again.”

“Thank you”, Kaeya answered, sitting up again and letting her place the plate on his lap. “I appreciate it.”

“Of course you do, dear. I will have to go back downstairs to prepare dinner for the others, so in case you’re not awake when I come to check on you later, I wish you an early good night”, she tucked a lose strand of hair behinds his ear, before walking towards the door again. “Good night, Kaeya. We love you.”

Kaeya felt like one the crackers was stuck in his throat at those words, even though he had even started eating yet. “Good night”, he croaked, and Adelinde closed the door behind her with a last smile.

Someone loved him?

- - -

By the time he wasn’t hungry anymore, Kaeya had finished all of the vegetables, which were pepper and cucumber as well as most of the crackers, the sun was already going down and the sky had the colour of a very pretty purple. It didn’t take him long to fall asleep, despite having way too much to think about, but way before Adelinde would peak her head inside again, his eyes had closed and his breathing evened out.

That night, Kaeya dreamt of his childhood. He didn’t remember the last time that happened, it had been mostly nightmares leading up to his almost death. But this time, it was just nice. This time, it was just him and Diluc collecting shells by the beach, with Crepus watching them and Adelinde offering them a nice home cooked meal when they came back.

It ended with them falling asleep on the couch while Crepus was reading a story, and Kaeya could almost hear his voice: “We love you.”

- - -

It was still rather dark when Kaeya woke up. The sky was still dark and he could barely see his hand in front of his eyes. He yawned, pulling the blanket up higher. Archons, how he had missed the winery. The blankets here were the best, as was the view. Mondstadt just couldn’t beat grapes and nature. And of course everyone who worked here – having Adelinde and Elzar and all the others around just made life much more enjoyable.

Kaeya smiled to himself, enjoying the warmth for a few more minutes. He wouldn’t mind falling back asleep, but it seemed his body had had enough and didn’t want to do so. So instead, Kaeya blinked into the nothingness.

Outside of the window, the moon was shining. It was almost full, but not quite. Still, it let a significant amount of light into the room – enough for Kaeya to see the figure sitting on the chair in the corner. He sat up immediately. His first thought was a monster, which was admittable rather irrational, something he noticed just a moment later. How was a monster even supposed to come inside? And while the thought of an abyss herald or similar was rather scary, Kaeya seriously doubted he’d find them sleeping on an uncomfortable chair.

When he had caught himself again he realised who it actually was rather easily, there was just no way to mistake the bright red hair for anyone else.

Diluc was sleeping in his room.

Now, despite Kaeya rustling in shook, Diluc still seemed to be asleep, which gave him enough time to think about, well, this. He didn’t even know how many questions he had, it were simply to many. What was Diluc doing here? Why was he sleeping here? Why did he sleep in that position? If Adelinde saw, she wouldn’t be very happy and probably get worried about him hurting his back. Why did he sleep at all in Kaeya’s room?

Kaeya was aware that Diluc didn’t trust him, not after he had told him about his heritage, and so he didn’t want to blame Diluc for trying to protect his winery, but really, sleeping? That was not very safe. If Kaeya actually had malicious thoughts, he could’ve surely acted on them by now.

It didn’t make any sense. Though, if Kaeya thought about it more in depth, many things about yesterday and today didn’t make sense. Like him waking up, like the flower being gone, like him being in the winery and like Adelinde telling him that he was loved. And now, Diluc sleeping in the corner of his room.

He didn’t know what to say about it all.

And just like that, he didn’t say anything. Instead he sat up in his bed, blanket still wrapped around him. He listened to Diluc’s calm breath and watched the moon wander over the sky, as well as the first sun rays meeting his eye while the sky turned into a beautiful orange colour. Like this, when he pretended everything was okay, life was almost enjoyable.

But reality came back far too soon. Another few minutes later, the sun meet Diluc’s face, which immediately startled him awake. Diluc had always been easy to wake up, but today he seemed rather disoriented. His hair was unusually messy and his clothes wrinkled. In the sun, Kaeya could even make out dark eyes rings, easily noticeable on Diluc’s fair skin.

When Diluc noticed Kaeya watching him, he did nothing for a moment. He just stared, before twitching in what seemed to be a late reaction.

It took both of them a moment to get used to the situation. Diluc was the first to move. “Sorry”, he said, quietly, while moving to untangle his limbs. “I didn’t mean to bother you. I better get going, I’m sorry–”

“Wait”, Kaeya said.

Diluc stood still.

“Why did you bring me here”, Kaeya asked, “if you’re not even talking to me?” He was afraid of the answer, but he needed to know. He couldn’t go on just questioning anything and everything anymore.

“It’s my fault”, Diluc said, quietly while watching the ground. His hands were balled into tight fists. “I didn’t know that you were ill and when I noticed that you weren’t doing well, I just acted like I didn’t care. And I blamed you for father’s death and I called you a traitor and ruined us. As brothers, I mean. And when I found you ill in front of Mondstadt, I just… I didn’t know what to do. The idea of you dying, it felt like when father did. I needed to know that you’d be fine again, even if I know you probably never want to talk to me again.” He took a deep breath. “I can bring you back, if you want me too. Or I can give you free wine for the rest of your life, or whatever else you need, anything. Because I’m so, so sorry.”

Kaeya didn’t know what to answer to that.

“And that’s a terrible apology, I know, but whatever I can do to make it okay, or just better, please tell me.”

Kaeya could only look, mouth agape. What had he just heard?  He wanted to say something, but he didn’t know what. What had he expected? That Diluc felt guilty, maybe, or that it was just for Adelinde, but not this, never this. Not a real, heartfelt apology, that left Diluc standing in the middle of the room nervously, wiping tears out of the corner of his eye.

At first, Diluc had allowed him in the winery, even bought him back here himself, and now he even got an apology. The whole situation seemed like a dream. A hallucination.

“Can you come a bit closer?”, Kaeya asked, and Diluc did take a few steps closer to the bed, standing there a bit confused.

Kaeya reached out, pinching the skin on Diluc’s hand. “Ow”, Diluc said, flinching slightly, but not pulling away.

“You’re real”, Kaeya whispered, setting his hand back onto the warm blanket. The sheets felt the same way under his fingertips as they had when he was younger.

And Diluc nodded. “I am”, and then, “I mean it, Kaeya. I’m really sorry. I don’t know why I acted the way I did, but just like, if you want, you don’t have too, but you can be… you can be my brother. You’re my brother. If you’d like to be.”

Kaeya couldn’t answer, still. It felt like a dream, too good to be true. But Diluc was real, standing in front of him. He could see him, talk to him, touch him. And Kaeya wasn’t dead.

“We’re brothers?”, he asked, almost whispering.

“Yes”, Diluc answered. “Brothers. Family. Father always said we’re family, Kaeya, and I will never forgive myself for making you feel like you aren’t.” He looked confident, but the nervous twiddling with his fingers didn’t go unnoticed by Kaeya, though his focus was somewhere different.

Diluc had called them brothers, family, and he had apologized. He had told Kaeya he loved him – Diluc, the one he had yearned for so long, yearned to be in each other’s life again, loved him. He felt the tear leave his eye, but before he could do anything, Diluc had grabbed a handkerchief from the nightstand, wiping it away. Kaeya could only stare. He couldn’t remember the last time Diluc had shown him affection before today. It must’ve been long ago, but he once more realized how much he missed it. How much he had missed Diluc.

“Okay”, Kaeya said, trying a smile. “We’re brothers.”

Only a moment later, Kaeya felt a sensation he had long forgotten: Diluc’s arms around him. He held on tight, not ever wanting to let go. This was so much better than he’d imagined, and he’d imagined a lot. But he had never allowed himself to think of apologies and hugs. It was usually just a quiet evening in the tavern, with Diluc not kicking him out, or dinner with Adelinde, or Diluc ignoring him instead of making his usual snide comments.

But now, Diluc was hugging him, really, basically laying on top of him. Kaeya couldn’t hold back as he started laughing, crying happy tears for the first time in days, months, years. They were rolling down his face, probably wetting Diluc’s shirt, but the other didn’t seem to care. He held Kaeya tightly, like he never wanted to let go of him.

Kaeya thought about asking what had happened that day, how Diluc had found him, how and why he was alive, but he couldn’t bring himself to let go off Diluc, either. Instead, he pulled his brother tighter, unable to do anything but hold him.

It felt like perfection.

- - -

Over the time of the following days, Kaeya got better. In many ways. His fever was gone by the third day, and Adelinde finally stopped only feeding him soup. His throat still wasn’t feeling great, but it was significantly better.

His relationship with Diluc also improved. It was quiet, but it was something. Diluc still wasn’t great at talking, but Kaeya saw how he tried. And trying was enough for him. Because Diluc didn’t hate him. Sometimes those thoughts, that made him try to believe that he had just annoyed his way back into Diluc’s life came back, but whenever he had work to do, his brother now decided to do said work in Kaeya’s room, just so that Kaeya would have company. It was nice, while Kaeya read his way through the new books accumulated in the winery’s small library, Diluc said on the desk in the corner, looking through financial reports and summaries of exports. They had even started eating dinner together, though this was mostly due to Adelinde’s persuasion.

Life seemed enjoyable.

- - -

On the afternoon of the fourth day of Kaeya’s recovery, Adelinde seemed to have enough of the two holed up in Kaeya’s childhood bedroom, very adamantly talking to Diluc about them needing fresh air. And so, she sent them  outside to the balcony, with a cup of grape juice for Diluc and a some tea for Kaeya.

The weather was nice. It had rained the previous day, but now the sky was light blue and with very little clouds once more. In the sun, it was enjoyable even without a jacket, though one of the maids had given them blankets just in case.

It was nice. Sometimes, Kaeya would sneak looks at Diluc, just to make sure he was still there. He always was, but Kaeya didn’t find it in him to stop the staring. He couldn’t. What if he woke up and Diluc was gone and it just went back to the way it was before? What if the flower came back? He didn’t want to think of these things, but he also couldn’t seem to stop.

“You’re staring at me”, Diluc said, which made Kaeya look up. Diluc had put the cup aside, and was instead watching Kaeya as well.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean too.”

“It’s fine”, Diluc said. He opened his mouth again, but didn’t say anything, before he looked away.

Kaeya waited a moment before asking: “What’s wrong?”

Another moment, before Diluc finally started speaking. “There was a messenger from the knights that came by early this morning, who said that Lisa and Jean would visit later.” That was rather nice of them, Kaeya thought. Especially Jean, who was usually so stuck up in her work that she was the first to come in the morning and last to leave in the evening. Even worse than himself. So to hear that she’d leave her desk to come see how he was felt like an honour. “Lisa also send something along”, Diluc continued. “She said that she was pretty sure she figured out the illness you were having, and sent me a book to read about it.”

Oh, no. That shouldn’t be. That wasn’t planned. Kaeya didn’t want that. Nobody was supposed to know, especially not Diluc. They had just gotten better, and now, this would ruin it all. Diluc would know that Kaeya was annoying and bothersome and got attached way too easily, and he’d be scared off and the flower would come back and this time he’d really die, and it’d be so much worse because now, he knew what it felt like to have a brother again.

“Did you have Hanahaki, Kaeya?”

There was no use in denying it, as much as Kaeya would like to do so. What would that even do? Best to just get it over with. “Yes.”

“Is it my fault?”

“How would it be your fault?”, Kaeya asked, honestly a bit confused. It wasn’t Diluc’s fault. He had been hung up on the past so bad, that he had gotten an illness out of it. That would never be his brother’s fault. “Of course not!”

“But I never made you feel like I cared”, Diluc said. “I was an idiot, as I already told you, and now that I know this, that you could’ve died because of me, I just… I wanted to apologize again. Just so you know that I mean it. And because I’m not sure you heard it the first time I told, because you were hallucinating and choking and almost dead… I love you.”

“You love me?”, Kaeya asked. It seemed impossible, but he wanted to believe it more than anything. 

“I do. You’re the best brother anyone could ask for. You’re great and you’re strong and you’re ambitious and smart and kind. I could go on and on if you wanted me too”, Diluc said very surely, though his cheeks were bright red, almost like his hair. Kaeya would laugh if he didn’t feel like crying.

“I love you too, idiot”, he said, pulling Diluc out of his chair and into a tight hug. The blanket that had been placed over his knees fell to the ground into the dirt, but it made it possible to pull Diluc closer, so it needed to be okay.

“And you don’t need to apologize for making me sick. You saved my life, after all. I really believed it was some kind of miracle, because there wasn’t supposed to be a cure and then…”

“You’re both idiots”, someone else said. Kaeya looked up, only to see Lisa and Jean standing at the stairs leading up to the terrace they had been seated on. “I told you to never trust only one source, Kaeya. Reading one article, isn’t enough, dear, but it seems you both aren’t best when confronted with facts and feelings”, Lisa said. “Hanahaki might not be common, but there is more than small article in a really old book about it. It is not uncurable. You just needed the person you believed to not love you show you an act of love.”

Lisa really always found it in her to find him in the most annoying moments. It was bothering, there was no other way to say that. Though she was probably right – if the sneaky librarian was good with something, it surely would be knowledge and research.

“I think that’s enough”, Jean luckily put an end to Lisa’s monologue. “We’re glad that you’re feeling better, Kaeya, and that you two have made up.”

“Thank you”, Kaeya mumbled, taking a step away from Diluc, whose face was even more red now, and picking up the blanket. “I appreciate your visit.”

“Everything for our dear friend”, Lisa smiled, sitting down in the other chairs. “We bought you something sweet as well. And a bit of wine.” She winked at him, ignoring Jean’s horrified look at that. “And now, tell, how did you two make up?”

- - -

The afternoon went well, despite Lisa’s continuous comments about him and Diluc being bad at emotions. He didn’t mind though. It was bit like childhood, when they had been in school and they had all had lunch together in the school’s small backyard. He had missed all of it greatly.

They had even given him multiple letters wishing him a quick recover: one from Albedo with Klee’s messy signature scribbled under it as well as a picture of the three of them all together by the beach, one from Bennett and Razor and a very orderly one from Noelle, with the signatures from as many knights as she could fit on the paper. It made Kaeya smile, and he had placed them all on his nighstand. It was nice to feel liked. Appreciated. 

Loved, even.

Being loved felt closer. Adelinde said he was loved, Diluc had said it and so… there must be some truth behind it, right? Even if he himself still had a hard time grasping this. 

Later, when Lisa and Jean had already left and Adelinde had sent them to sleep after a fulfilling dinner, Kaeya thought of the conversation that had been cut short earlier. He was walking to their respective rooms, Diluc in front of him.

“I meant what I said earlier, you know. About it not being your fault. I don’t want it to be your fault”, Kaeya said, quiet enough for it to be barely understandable. 

“You’ll blame yourself, then”, Diluc said, and it was the truth. Kaeya had been blaming himself for weeks. And long before that, probably, for everything else as well. “I bet you blame yourself for father’s death and our falling out as well.”

Kaeya swallowed. “It is my fault, though. If I hadn’t told you…”

“If I hadn’t reacted the way I had, it would’ve ended differently as well.” Diluc’s hand was laying on the doorknob to Kaeya’s guest room/childhood bedroom. “It’s… I don’t care about it, anymore. About you being from Khaenria. You can be a dragon, for all I care – as long as you’re Kaeya, you’ll stay my brother.”

“Thank you”, Kaeya answered, voice quiet.

“And I wanted to ask you”, Diluc continued, taking a deep breath. Whatever he wanted to say, it seemed to be big. “If you’d go to father’s grave with me.”

Oh. 

It made him stop. He had never visited their father’s grave. He had never felt like he deserved it. He was from Khaenria, a spy, a traitor, but now Diluc was asking him. Called them brothers. Apologised. It felt like finally, everything fit together again. Like it could be fine. Like life could be good sometimes.

So Kaeya nodded. “I will.”

Diluc smiled.

- - -

It took him about two more weeks to get back to work. Noelle seemed excited, engulfing him in a tight hug the moment he stepped through the door, before imminently getting worried about being too forward. Kaeya could just laugh, and remember how much he had missed this. While he had done some light training again with Diluc, it just wasn’t the same as the being back at headquarters, with all of his friends and coworkers.

The day went by unusually quickly. He was supposed to do paperwork, as Barbara had ordered him to take it slow before going back out, but every few minutes, someone knocked on his office door, to tell him how glad they were to have their cavalry captain back. He spent the whole day doing more talking than getting actual work done.

After work, he walked through the town, back to the angel’s share. It was still rather early and the tavern hadn’t filled up yet, with only two adventures sitting at the back and a well-known bard by the bar.

“Come on, Diluc. Give you old pal another glass of wine. I’ll bring in way more than I drink with my singing this evening!”, Venti said, loudly. Diluc just rolled his eyes, but poured him a glass anyways. “Ah, Kaeya”, Venti greeted him as the door fell closed behind him. “I take it you recovered?”

“I did”, he answered.

“How was work?”, asked Diluc, wiping down the counter.

“Good”, Kaeya answered. “Everyone seemed rather happy to see me.”

“Well, why wouldn’t they?”, Venti asked, sipping on his wine glass and watching Kaeya with a slight grin. “You’re a great honour to Mondstadt.”

“What?”, Kaeya asked.

“What?”, asked Venti.

“Let’s just get going”, Diluc said. “I’ll already have to get through the evening with that bard bothering me.” He went to the back of the tavern to get Charles to take over working by the counter for him, before following Kaeya outside.

“Venti is so weird sometimes”, Kaeya mumbled. “Sometimes I fell like he knows much more than he should.”

Diluc shrugged. “He’s rather bothersome when he isn’t singing.” Kaeya laughed.

- - -

The walk to the graveyard wasn’t very far. Crepus’ grave was rather simple, with his sword adorning it, as well as the words: Here lies Crepus Ragnvindr. Beloved father and brave knight. Kaeya placed the flowers he had bought on it. Calla lilies and lamp grass. They had collected many of these back when they were small and Crepus had always placed them in the vase in his office.

For a moment, it was quiet between the two of them. The only thing Kaeya could hear was the slight wind going and the birds chirping in the trees.

“I miss him”, he admitted.

“I miss him as well”, Diluc said. “Sometimes I wonder if it’s all real, you know? If he’s really gone. It’s hard to wrap my mind around it.”

Kaeya nodded. Reality was hard to comprehend and accept, he knew the feeling all to well. It was somehow relaxing him that Diluc felt the same way sometimes.

“At least we have each other”, Kaeya said. He didn’t think he’d speak words like this ever again, but he was standing by his brothers side now. Reality really was… weird sometimes. 

“We do”, Diluc answered. “Brother.”

And it didn’t feel perfect, or amazing, because Kaeya had tears stinging in his eyes and the wind was slightly too cold so he shivered all over, and he could Diluc once again nervously massaging his fingers, but it was real, and it was better.

He had his brother back, and that was enough.