Chapter Text
The two fall into a routine. After practice or Toya’s library duty, they return to Akito’s room to hang out. Most of the time it’s Toya doing homework, while Akito opens his books and ignores them. Neither of them have told the girls yet- Akito’s still not sure if he’s ready to say anything.
Akito is laying on his bed after school one day- about two months after they initially get together- scrolling on his phone, when there’s a knock at the door.
“Come in.” Akito doesn’t look up until the door clicks open. Toya stands there awkwardly.
“You’re the only one who ever does any homework during these sessions, you know that?” he locks his phone.
“That's because you never do anything. you just open your books and stare at your phone.” Toya comments, but he doesn’t move.
“Half the time the assignments aren’t even graded anyways.” Akito says. “You want to watch a movie or something?”
Toya hesitates. “What about the English paper we were assigned?.”
“We can start it later.” Akito says.
“Alright.” Toya admits defeat and sits on the side of the bed. Akito notices that he sits like he’s sitting on a piano bench.
“Toya.” Akito nudges him gently with his foot. “My dad is out. He's at the bar or some shit.”
“What about Ena?”
“She doesn’t care. or she won’t. She’s not even home.”
Toya relaxes a little. “Okay.”
“Before you lay down, can you grab my laptop?” Akito asks, shuffling over in his bed. “It’s on the desk.”
Toya nods. He returns to Akito’s bed, handing his partner the laptop, and sitting beside him. As Akito opens the laptop, Toya lays down beside him. Akito shuffles in closer.
“Akito, if you wanted to cuddle, you could’ve said that.” Toya says, wrapping an arm around him.
“Shut up.” Akito says lightly. He twists to curl into Toya more, resting his head on his partner's chest. Toya adjusts his arm to place his hand on Akito’s hip and plants a kiss into his ginger curls.
The two of them fall asleep together, in the safety of each other’s arms.
When the two of them wake up, it’s to the sound of a fist on the door. Both of them jolt up, a sinking pit settling in Akito’s stomach. the door swings open before he can respond.
“Akito, are you going to do the fucking dishes? It’s your turn to-“ Ena has her hands on her hips, but the scowl on her face drops when she sees the two of them. Both of the boys are tense, like they’ve been frozen.
“Dad's not home.” she says softly. She enters the room, closing the door behind him.
“Don’t tell him.” Akito’s voice goes up two octaves. All his usual snark is gone. “Please.”
“I'm not a monster, Akito.” she says, sitting down at her brother's desk. “I know how he is. I won't just throw you to the wolves.”
Akito nods. His mouth feels like ash. Beside him, Toya is stock still, aside from the slight tremor in his hands. His eyes look like porcelain; glassy. It’s as if someone took as much as they could have out of him, yet left the wisps of his soul trapped in the skies of gray.
“I promise. You’re my brother. You’re a pain in the ass, but I love you.” Ena’s voice has lost any of her usual edge. “I'll keep you guys safe from him. Count on it.”
“Really?” Akito feels small; like he did in An’s bathroom. He gently intertwines his hand with Toya’s, squeezing it.
“I'm a lesbian, Akito. I'm not going to out you like that.” She says, nonchalantly. He's almost jealous of how easy she says it. “Is he okay?” she gestures to Toya.
Akito gently pokes Toya. “Hey.”
Toya flinches hard, like he’s been struck.
“She’s not going to tell. we’re okay.”
Toya swallows hard. “Okay.” His voice wavers.
“Let me know if you’re bringing him over. I'll tell you if Dad’s home or not.” Ena stands up. She gives both of them an incredibly awkward hug. Akito gives her half of a hug back, like the motion is foreign to him. Toya doesn’t react.
“Do the dishes, though. I did them for like, three days straight.” Ena says as she leaves.
Akito collapses back onto the bed. Toya deflates, curling into a ball and laying beside his partner. He covers his eyes with his hands.
“I'm sorry. I thought she was out.” Akito apologizes.
“S’okay.” all of the usual smooth, politeness is gone. His voice is monotonous now, as if someone has sanded it down and left only the raw, unmasked voice behind. Akito pulls him closer and plants a kiss on his forehead. Toya trembles in his boyfriend's arms, digging his fingernails into his face, his breathing uneven.
“You’re gonna hurt yourself.” Akito mutters as he pulls Toya’s arms down. He tries to be gentle, but Toya’s arms are petrified like wood. his hands are shaking. When they’re freed from his face, Toya digs his nails into Akito’s arms, like it's the only thing keeping him alive. Above his eyebrows are crescent shaped dents; a few of them are pricked with blood.
Akito kisses the spots above his eyebrows. The fingernails digging into his arm don’t phase him; he’s been Ena's scratching post more than enough times for it to even really hurt. Beside him, Toya’s eyes are still glassy, like he’s living through something again. Akito doesn’t say anything else; he can’t think of anything else to say.
Some time passes before the grip on his arm loosens. Toya’s breath eventually steadies. He blinks, like he’s re-entered his body. He relaxes when he sees Akito.
“Hey.” Akito says gently. “You alright?”
Toya nods. He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.
“If you can’t talk, that’s alright.” Akito brushes the hair out of his partner's eyes. “…depending on how bad my panic attacks get, I can’t always talk after.”
“…You’ve had panic attacks before?” Toya’s voice is still flat and rough.
“Mostly when I was younger. Before my parents split up, they’d fight all the time. I'd hide in Ena's room.” Akito says quietly. “She made me feel safe.”
Toya nods slightly. “That was before she-“
“-Went off the rails, yeah.”
Another silence falls over the room, this one a lot calmer than the frenzied air that had settled before.
“I don't know if they’re actually panic attacks.” Toya says.
“What are they, then?” Akito asks.
His partner shrugs. “I don't know. I've had them my whole life. I'd get them after piano recitals, when I was backstage.”
“How'd your dad take that?” Akito is only half joking.
“Ah, well, scratching your face raw and being unable to talk because your suit makes your skin crawl isn’t a look befitting for the son of a world class piano player.”
“Not well, then?”
“No. Usually it resulted in more practice.” Toya has removed his hands from Akito’s arms. “I'm sorry about your arms. I can get up and get something to clean them up.”
He moves to get up, but Akito pulls him back. “No fucking way, man. Besides, Ena does worse to me when she gets in one of her moods. Seriously, I think she gets her nails done specifically so that she can scratch the shit out of me.”
“You’re bleeding, though.” Toya’s voice has a hint of guilt to it, one Akito suspects no one else would be able to hear.
“I am?” Akito looks down at his arms. There’s the smallest hint of blood in the dents Toya left behind. “Dude. It’s not that bad. Ena leaves me looking like I stuck my arms in a shredder.”
“Akito…”
“What?” Akito rolls his eyes and snuggles into Toya. “It's not a big deal. Shit happens.”
“I wouldn't consider that ‘shit happens’, Akito.”
“Please don’t make me talk more about my shitty home life.” Akito grumbles. “Makes me feel all gross. Or like a baby, or some stupid shit. ‘Sides, we’re talking about you.”
“You’d rather hear about my shitty home life?”
“Yeah. Every night I plan out intricate rituals to murder your dad. The more you tell me, the more creative I get.”
Toya clicks his tongue. “It seems more like you’re coming up with intricate rituals to curl up next to me.”
“I can stop.” Akito’s face heats up.
“I don't think you want to.”
Akito doesn’t get a chance to answer before his phone buzzes in his pocket. He fishes it out, and clicks it on. He's got two texts, one from Ena that just came through, and one from An from an hour ago.
“Who is it?”
“Ena and An.” Akito replies as he unlocks the phone.
>Ena: dads shoes and keys are gone. hes probably going to be out for the night.
>Ena: im having Mizuki and the others over though
>Akito: okay
>Akito: …
>Ena: what
>Akito: thanks.
>Ena: smh i told you already.
>Ena: you’re a pain in my ass but you’re still my brother
>Ena: you two are cute btw <3
>Akito: ew
>Ena: fuck you then
>Akito: fuck you too
“What did they want,” Toya asks, as if he hadn’t been attempting to read the texts over Akito’s shoulder.
“Ena said dads out, but she’s having her friends over.” Akito replies, checking his messages from an
>An: Akito
>An: Akitooooooooooo
>An: Akito shinonome answer your fucking phone
>An: are you two bailing on practice
>An: fine but you are making Kohane sad.
>An: we’re practicing with the twins in the sekai if u guys are done making out
>An: or whatever it is you guys do
>An: cause i know you aren’t doing any homework.
“We missed practice.” Akito sighs.
“…We had practice?” Toya asks.
>Akito: what the fuck
>Akito: you know you can send one text right
>Akito: also we had practice?
An responds surprisingly fast.
>An: omg he lives
>An: and yes did you forget?
>An: cringe of you
>Akito: you never said we had practice?
>An: we agreed last week man
>Akito: why didn’t you mention that earlier today
>An: i did
>An: while u and Toya were in the hall
>An: before i had to go stop kamishiro and tenma from setting off explosives
“Do you remember that?” Akito asks, showing Toya his phone.
“A little.” Toya admits. “I remember her having to rush off. that’s it.”
>An: ok we’re leaving the SEKAI anyways. do you guys want dinner.
>An: Kohane misses u
>An: also because we have to go over practice
>An: since you missed it
“Are you hungry?” Akito asks. Toya shrugs.
>An: dude
>Akito: hold your fucking horses
>An: i live in the suburbs i don’t have any
>Akito: fuck off
>An: you skip practice and now you’re bullying me?
>An: you’re being homophobic rn man
“Dude, if you’re not feeling it, we don’t have to go.” Akito says. “I'm fine here. You’re comfortable.”
“Didn’t Ena ask you to do something?” Toya asks him.
“Yeah, dishes. I'll do ‘em later.” Akito’s phone buzzes again.
>An: radio silence on the homophobe part i see?
>Akito: i’m not a homophobe
>An: and yet…..
>An: you left us hanging
>An: sounds pretty suspicious
“If you avoid dishes, will you get in trouble?” Toya asks, reading over Akito’s shoulder.
“I dunno.” Akito shrugs. “Does it matter?”
Toya hums. He drops the subject. “What's An asking about?”
“She's calling me a homophobe for not replying.” Akito sighs. “What do you want to do?”
“Sleep.” Toya says.
“Do you want me to say no then?”
“We'll have to explain why we missed practice.” Toya points out. “It's going to either be today or tomorrow.”
“Do we have to?” Akito groans. his phone buzzes again.
>An: ok we’re actually coming over now
>Akito: no
>Akito: don’t
>An: so are u guys going to meet us then?
>Akito: also no
“She’s going to call if you don’t say something.” Toya points out.
“Yeah, I know.” Akito sighs.
>An: dude i’ve been joking but is everything okay
>Akito: yeah
>Akito: can we discuss this tomorrow after school
>Akito: in the sekai
>An: yeah
>An: ur sure every things okay?
>An: cause we haven’t gotten a reply from Toya either
>Akito: he’s fine
>An: so you are together then?
>Akito: we’re doing homework
“I don't think she believes you,” Toya says.
“I don't really care.”
>An: okay well Kohane and i are going to go ‘do homework’
>Akito: gross
>An: says you
Akito rolls his eyes and locks his phone. He shuffles to lay his head on Toya’s chest.
“Akito.”
He can feel Toya’s voice rumble in his chest when he speaks. It's soothing. “What?”
“What about the dishes?”
Akito groans. “Can we do them tomorrow?”
“How did this become ‘we’?”
“…You want to go back to your house?”
“Not particularly, no.” Toya says. “Am I allowed to stay over though?”
“Let me ask Ena.”
>Akito: hey
>Ena: what
>Akito: you’re sure dad’s not going to be home tonight
>Ena: no we got into an argument earlier and he took his bag when he left
>Ena: why
>Akito: you’re sure
>Akito: like 100%
>Ena: yeah
>Ena: is your friend staying over
>Akito: …boyfriend
>Akito: and yeah.
>Ena: aw
>Ena: well if he shows up
>Ena: which he won’t
>Ena: i’ll let you know
>Akito: thank you
>Akito: btw i’m doing the dishes tomorrow
>Ena: fine.
“Ena said we’re fine.” Akito says. “And I told her I'm doing dishes tomorrow.”
“Okay.” Toya yawns.
“D’you want pajamas or something?” Akito asks, not moving. “I've got some that are too big, but they’d fit you.”
“You’ve got to take that… chest thing off too.” Toya points out. “Sorry, I don't remember what it’s called.”
“Oh. I guess.” Akito groans. “I'm not going to die if I sleep in it.”
“And you’ll go without one tomorrow then?”
“Fuck that.”
Toya sits up. “Then take it off."
“Fine.” Akito sits up as well, running a hand through his hair. “Can we watch another movie after?”
“Yes.” Toya gets up to leave the room.
“You don’t have to leave.” Akito blurts. “I mean, just, turn around. Please.”
Toya stops. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” Akito swallows.
Toya turns to face the door. Akito turns and wrestles out of his clothes, throwing his usual sleep sweater on.
“You can turn around now. I don't really give a shit if you see me change pants.” Akito says, throwing his clothes on the floor.
Toya turns back around. He stands there awkwardly again.
“The pants you can borrow are in the bottom drawer. They’re red and on the top.”
Toya pulls out the aforementioned pants and shuts the drawer. Akito closes his eyes when Toya begins changing. He opens them when he hears Toya chuckle.
“Shut up.” Akito says, ears turning red. “Can you throw me the pair of orange pants that are under my desk?”
Toya obliges, and Akito kicks his joggers off, before shuffling into his pajamas.
“Are there syrup bottles on your boxers?“ Toya chuckles.
“Shut up.” Akito says. “They were a Christmas gift.”
“From who?” Toya sits back down on the bed.
“Ena. Who else?” Akito fishes his laptop back out from the covers. “Can you plug my phone in?”
Toya nods. He plugs Akito’s phone in, and lays down. Beside him, Akito has put on a movie. He curls into Toya, resting his head on his chest, setting the laptop on the two of them. Toya plants a kiss onto Akito’s temple. Akito wraps one of his arms around his partner's waist. Eventually, the two of them drift off to sleep.
———
School the next day is uneventful. An just about jumps them when they’re let out for the day.
“Come on! We’ve got to go get Kohane." She grabs Akito by the shoulders.
“You know she can meet us there, right?” he points out. Toya is a few feet behind, eyebrows raised in amusement.
“I haven't seen her all day!” An says. she marches ahead of both of them, letting go of Akito.
“You saw her yesterday,” he points out, stopping and waiting for Toya.
An, who has just noticed the two of them are several feet behind them, whirls around and waits. she responds when the boys have caught up. “What, are you saying you don’t miss Toya when you don’t see him?”
Akito turns red. “Fuck off.”
She laughs. Beside him, Toya doesn’t respond, but he smiles gently, and slings his arm around Akito’s shoulders. An drops the subject, and instead goes into a rant about Kamishiro's exploits of the day.
When they arrive at Miyamasuzaka, Kohane is already waiting at the entrance. She brightens when spots the rest of her group. An descends upon her, peppering her girlfriend's face with kisses. Kohane’s face goes pink.
“Oi, An, let her breathe.” Akito says.
An obliges.
“Hello, Shinonome, Aoyagi!” she greets them, smiling.
Akito nods, and Toya gives a polite wave from the hand not wrapped around Akito.
“Are you guys okay? You missed practice yesterday.” she asks.
“We’re alright, Asuzawa.” Toya says. “We’re about to go discuss this in the SEKAI.”
“We are?” she asks.
Akito snorts. “Geez, An. Did you tell her anything?”
“I told her some things!” An says defensively.
Akito rolls his eyes. “Whatever. Let's get going.”
The four of them make their way to a secluded alleyway, listening as Kohane talks about her school day. Toya takes one last glance, before nodding to An, who hits play on Ready Steady .
The trip over to the SEKAI leaves the familiar fuzzy feeling behind in Akito’s head. Usually it dissipates right away, but it lingers a little longer today. He decides to ignore it. The girls drift a little farther ahead.
“Are you sure you’re okay doing this?” Toya asks quietly.
“Gonna have to do it eventually.” Akito shrugs, trying to downplay his anxiety. “Are you okay with this?”
“I am,” Toya says. He pushes the door open- An and Kohane had abandoned them, already sitting at their usual spot.
The two of them slide into the other side, and Meiko comes around the corner.
“The whole group is here today, I see!” she greets. “What can I get you today?”
Akito gives his order, but he doesn’t remember saying it. The conversation around him becomes muffled; all he can hear is the too fast thumping of his heart. He only gives a half reply when Meiko drops his coffee off.
He is snapped back to reality by Toya gently placing a hand on his. “Akito?”
Akito blinks. His eyes are dry. On the other side of the table, An and Kohane are staring at him concerned.
“Hi,” he says.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Kohane’s eyes are larger than normal as she stares at him.
“I'm good.” Akito takes a sip of his coffee, but it doesn’t help the dryness coating the inside of his mouth.
An raises an eyebrow at him, like she doesn’t believe him. “Are you still good to talk about why you missed practice?”
“Yeah.”
“Whenever you’re ready, then.” An takes a sip from her cup.
Akito looks at Toya. Toya just squeezes his hand. “We didn't actually mean to miss practice.” Akito offers half heartedly, looking down at the table.
“We forgot.” Toya takes over, lacing their fingers together. “And we went back to Akito’s to work on homework…”
Toya’s melodic voice becomes background noise as he explains what happened the night before. All Akito can really hear is the blood rushing in his ears. He stares at the wood grains in the table. He doesn’t know what Toya says, but he knows when he’s done by the sound of his voice stopping in the background.
Akito forces himself to look up, tearing his eyes from the patterns in the waxed table. Both An and Kohane are smiling.
“So you two are together then?” An asks. all of the teasing overtones are gone; Her voice is fully sincere.
“Yeah.” Akito says. Toya nods.
An almost leaps across the table, but instead she gets up and pulls both of them in for a bone crushing hug. On the other side of the table, Kohane is happily shaking her hands.
An pulls away and returns to her side. She kisses Kohane on the head. “I'm sorry you guys had to explain before you were ready, though.”
Kohane looks up. “Wait, we didn’t make you guys tell us before you were ready, did we?”
“We figured we’d have to tell you guys eventually.” Akito shrugs. The sound of his heartbeat has dulled.
“If you guys want to skip practice to be gay or whatever, just tell us next time.” An is back to teasing.
“Wait.” Akito blurts. “I have something else to tell you.”
“Okay.” Kohane says, taking a bite out of the whipped cream on her drink.
“I'm transgender.” Beside him, Toya squeezes Akito’s hand. “I'm a guy. just, like…”
“Akito, it's alright.” An is giving him another sincere smile. “Thank you for telling us.”
Kohane just gives him another grin, whipped cream on the tip of her nose.
“Hey, can we change our group name to ‘Vivid gay squad’?” An asks. “Can we go on double dates?”
“No.” Akito snaps.
“I think a double date would be fun, actually.” Toya says.
“What about the name?” Kohane asks. She’s eaten all the whipped cream off her drink.
“I'm also on the side of no.” Toya says.
An boos. “Boooooring.”
Akito rolls his eyes, but there’s no real malice in it anymore. An launches into telling them what they did over practice yesterday, and he thinks that there’s nowhere he’d rather be, than surrounded by his friends in a cafe.