Chapter Text
The sand was warm beneath Sae’s feet— a stark contrast to the coldness that had taken shelter inside him.
He felt disgusting; Sae hated himself more than anything as the guilt built up at his very core. There was so much to think about, yet it felt like he had such little time to spare.
His mind clouded with the possible conversations he could have with Ryusei.
What if the tanned boy refused to talk to him? What if he’d moved on and found someone to love him properly. Sae wouldn’t be able to live with himself if something like that happened.
Was Ryusei moving on truly a possibility? The redhead didn’t think so, he’d assumed that if anything Ryusei would probably wait on his hands and knees for Sae to return but what if that isn’t the case.
Ryusei was an idiot; but at the very least he knew what he deserved. It wasn’t as if he’d been oblivious to Sae’s erratic behavior, the poor boy was just strong willed after all.
But someone like him could only fathom so much neglect from the person he loved. Ryusei was hoping that Sae would come to his senses before he decided to leave him.
He thought that at the very least— the itoshi boy deserved to be heard out. That was if he’d ever come to speak to him directly.
As his tanned feet stumbled over piles of sand, Ryusei couldn’t help but think of him. He wondered what the boy had been up to for these past few days.
Did he sit and suffer like Ryusei did? Was he trapped in his room crying about everything that had come undone right before them?
Ryusei wondered if Sae felt sorrowful for him, if he had even the slightest bit of guilt sitting in a crevice of his heart. A piece of him felt like Sae loved him enough to someone feel bad about breaking his heart.
Because even thought Ryusei hardly did any damage to the smaller boy. He harbored his own guilt, which he thought was insanity.
This was the same boy who could care less about the people around him. He loved having fun and playing soccer with his so called friends, but he never acknowledged much else in the world. Besides his past lover, of course.
When Ryusei met Sae, he felt alive. He felt as if he’d just been saved from the most disgusting lifestyle. The boy fell in love at first sight, the way Sae ignored his advances or just brushed him off before he could even speak. It excited him more than anything, it made him want to know the stoic boy.
Though, the last thing he pictured for them was this. And that’s why he felt so guilty, that’s why his face had been soaking in a river of tears as he walked along the shore.
He missed his boyfriend, Ryusei hoped Sae missed him too.
Maybe it was pure coincidence that the two boys ended up on the same beach— and just maybe it was fate that cause the both of them to collide with one another.
Two completely different reactions; Sae angry as usual and ready to release a snarky remark. Then we have Ryusei on the other hand who stood back up immediately and was ready to fight whoever ran into him.
That was— until his pink irises locked with a familiar set of teal ones. They were as beautiful as always, but they dulled in comparison to how they shined before.
Ryusei could tell the male had been crying just as much as he had.
It broke his heart to see Sae in such a mess but what more could he do. After all, it was merely a coincidence that brought them here.
“Were you about to punch me, idiot.” Sae spat out, snapping Ryusei from his disheartening thoughts.
It’s not that he wanted to cause him any harm, but it had been a force of habit that he had; a bad one too.
“I didn’t know it was you, boy genius.”
Sae’s face contorted in a displeased way, not because he was unhappy but he didn’t want Ryusei to catch sight of him crying.
“I’m glad we ran into each other; i have things to say.” The pale boy clasped his hands together, waiting for Ryusei’s denial.
But what he didn’t know was that he was about to spew those same words. He’d been waiting for this moment to come, the day Sae would approach him first— the moment they’d see each other once more.
“I’m sorry, for the things i said back then. I didn’t mean them, i was being stupid and downright selfish.” His words came out as shallow whispers.
Sae didn’t have the resolve that people assumed he had, due to his tough exterior.
He was soft when it came to Ryusei, it couldn’t be helped.
“I don’t deserve you, i hate that you let me do such idiotic things to you. How could you have possibly been happy with me?”
Ryusei had never seen this side of him, a weakened state were instead of blaming his lover; he blamed himself.
“I loved you so much that i didn’t care how you treated me. You had your moments when i could feel your love from miles away, you weren’t always bad.”
He wanted so badly to reach out— he wanted to hold the poor boy between his arms. Ryusei wanted to wipe the tears that poured from his beautifully colored eyes.
Sae didn’t deserve to be in such misery, not when Ryusei understood that he’d always been trying his best. Even when it felt like Sae didn’t know how to love, he somehow made sure Ryusei felt whatever he had left to give.
“Don’t be so kind, Ryusei. I didn’t say those things so you can act like i’m the victim.”
It was true, Sae didn’t want to be treated like a victim. He wanted to make things right with Ryusei and that could only happen once he’s taken accountability.
“I need to make things right, i miss you. i was so stupid.” Sae mumbled.
He couldn’t bare to sit still and not touch the man across from him. He wanted to feel the comfort that came along with the embrace of his estranged lover.
“Hold me?” His voice was hardly a whisper but Ryusei heard him loud and clear.
He wrapped his arms around the shorter male— embracing him tightly and taking in that signature scent of his.
“We can fix it together, i’ve missed you too.”