Chapter Text
It has gotten worse.
Worse to the point that you need to take a week's break from classes this time and tell your other best friend, Gaeul about this.
It worried Wonyoung, of course, but she noticed how distant you have been lately so she let you be after confirming with you that you are just tired and need a break from the world although she was pretty hurt that the world includes her too.
You open your eyes and sigh deeply as you feel the same pain you felt every single morning before today. You went to the hospital already but the only solution they have are the same as what you found on the internet. It’s either you confess to Wonyoung—which is not very favourable on your side—or, to remove all those petals—heck, you are sure there are even flowers now in your lungs—surgically which also means that your feelings toward her will be removed and the mere idea of that has already made you grimace in pain. As much as the love you have towards her is hurting you, it hurts more to imagine you living without loving her, the only person you think deserves your love.
But you are too much of a coward to drop even small hints toward the girl, afraid that she can read you too well and too fast. You know she will be so mad after knowing the truth but you are not ready for the rejection part yet.
Knocks on your front door startle you from your thoughts.
You stand up and reach to open it before it unlocks itself and you know just who is standing on the other side of the door.
“Jinnie.”
You lift your head, putting on a small smile that you hope can assure Wonyoung that you are alright.
“Are you alright?”
“Yeah, I’m all fine, Wony.”
Despite the growing pain of the flower thorns inside your throat, you also feel the warmth seeping through your body as she intertwines both of your hands together.
“Are you sure, Jinnie?”
You let her touch your forehead with the back of her hand, secretly yearning for more.
And more Wonyoung gives you.
She pulls you into a hug, caressing the back of yours. You feel like crying from how much her hug heals and pains you so much at the same time.
So you snuck your face into the crook of her neck, lips shut tight as you feel tears start brimming at the corner of your eyes.
“J-just hug me please.”
“I will, Jinnie.”
.
_
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From standing in front of your house door, you found both you and Wonyoung hugging—more like cuddling, you must say—on your bed under your warm comforter.
“Jinnie.”
A soft call of your name pulls you from driving into the dreamland.
“Yeah?”
“I have a question but you don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to.”
“Shoot.”
“Was the world you are tired of, include me?”
You notice the wavers in her voice as she shoots you the question. Was it? But again, it was because of your love towards her that you feel tired of hurting your lung every single second of the day. You take a deep breath, closing your eyes to think of what suitable answer to give to Wonyoung.
“It was, right?”
Shit, you were thinking too long.
“N-no!”
You lift your body off the bed, too quickly that you see black dots.
“W-wait…”
Afraid that she will feel hurt, you quickly utter that, so she won’t think you are ignoring her.
Feeling her hand wraps around your shoulder, you pull her close.
“You aren’t included in that nasty world, Wony. Not before, not now, not ever.”
You rub the back of her as she nestles her nose into the crook of your neck.
You always understand why people think that you and Wony are in a romantic relationship. The intimacy both of you have is something only two people whose harbour strong feelings toward each other will have. But do both of you? You are strongly sure that Wonyoung does not have that kind of feelings toward you.
No matter how much she cares for you, no matter how many small details about you she notices or remembers and no matter how many times she chooses you over everyone else, you believe that it is only because you are her childhood best friend, someone who has been with her since she can remember.
Why?
This is a bit foolish to admit, but it’s because of how she has dated lots of people in the past and see! She told you a few weeks before that she still likes that asshole named Jaeyeon! So, there is no way that she likes you back.
Never in this lifetime, you suppose.
—
.
—
You didn’t notice when you fell asleep earlier but waking up to having Wonyoung in your arms makes you feel warm.
You wish you can have her like this every day, every minute, every second.
And you can only hope as the flowers threaten to come out again.
You stretch your arm to take your phone after the notification sound alerted you.
Gaeul
Yujin.
I’m truly sorry but I was the one who told Wonyoung.
I’m sincerely sorry but I can’t lose you, kid.
What…
What did she tell Wonyoung?
Wait…
There’s no way Gaeul told about your hanahaki to her, right?!
Not realizing that your trembling body wakes the girl in your arm awake, you continue being anxious over what the hell should you do when the said girl confronts you about this.
“Jinnie?”
You jumped out of your bed, falling to the hard tiles as you feel your breath getting uneven.
“W-Wony…”
You push yourself back as she nears you. You have zero clue why you did that but perhaps your anxiety summons it.
“Jinnie, what’s wrong?”
“Y-you…”
Words get stuck in your throat, ironically.
Flowers are threatening to climb out of your throat so you run to the bathroom, not minding what Wonyoung would think of you.
“J-Jinnie, where are you going?!”
As soon as you reach the bathroom, you spew out all the flowers you think are in your body into the sink. You noticed that she has arrived by the darkening silhouette behind you.
“Y-Yujin…”
Your heart breaks when she calls you Yujin, every single time, as if you hate the name when you actually don’t. And it breaks more when you see how blood covered the flowers you just threw up.
Noticing the trembling breath behind you, you wipe away the blood or whatever liquid there is at the side of your lips before turning around to face her.
“I’m sorry for not telling you, Wony…”
Your frail voice resonates around the bathroom and is greeted with nothing but Wonyoung’s loudening sobs.
“I’m sorry that I fall for you, Wonyoung.”
Your heart hurts upon calling her that but you want to show her how serious you are with your apology.
“Are you stupid, An Yujin?!”
She hits your chest repeatedly while her sobs continue.
“You choose to leave me rather than confess to me! How dare you…”
The tears you held fall down your pale face as you let her hit you. You deserve this. You really do.
But not the hug you are greeted with after.
“Yujin, please don’t die. Please don’t.”
You bite your lip when a sob is threatening to come out of your mouth.
“I’m sorry, Won but I love you so much. There’s no way I can not die at this point.”
Wonyoung grip on your shirt tightens as you can feel the front of your shirt getting wet with her tears.
“But I love you, Jinnie. Isn’t that enough?”
You weakly chuckle.
“Yes, you do. But our love is different, Wonyoung.”
“No. they aren’t.”
What…
You can feel the soreness in your throat lessening as the words Wonyoung just omitted dawn on you.
“I love you, An Yujin.”
You stiffen up upon the unfamiliar feeling in your body, especially in your throat.
You aren’t sure but it is as if the flowers terrorizing your throat are starting to disappear.
“Y-you what…”
Your voice sounds so small you aren’t even sure if Wony catches that.
But she’s your Wony and catch she did.
“I love you too, you idiot!”
You let Wonyoung hugs you tightly while you are fighting with your mind.
Jang Wonyoung loves you back, she does!
As if understanding your silence, Wonyoung pulls away from the hug, staring at you intensely.
“Please, Jinnie. Say the words.”
You gulp—noticing how easier it has been since so long—while looking at her anticipating eyes.
“I—”
You sigh and let your head down. It is not that easy to say that phrase out loud, especially when you have been suppressing it for so long. You are sure your knuckles are getting pale as you clench them tighter.
But she waits, you noticed. You see how she’s waiting for you patiently, especially when you can feel her encouraging you with soft rubs along your arm.
“I—”
You bite your bottom lip, frustrated with yourself.
“It’s okay, Jinnie. One by one.”
“I love you, Jang Wonyoung.”
There you go. You fall to the floor, hugging your knees. Holding back the disappeared flower was such a pain in the ass that it exhausts you so much.
“And I love you too, my Jinnie.”
Hearing her confess with your nickname at the end of it was the breaking point.
You are now sobbing in her embrace, feeling a huge rush of relief crash over your entire body.
With the help of Wonyoung, you walk back to your bed, sitting on one of its sides.
.
_
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“But you said that you still like Jaeyeon! How am I supposed to confess if I know you were not feeling the same, Wony?!”
You argue with her jokingly, chuckling upon seeing the pout forming on her face.
“I didn’t know too, okay! It was when you need a break from the world, from me, that I realize you mean much more than I thought you are to me.”
You realize how she quietens down the phrase “from me”, probably not wanting you to hear. But you are her Jinnie, of course, you heard her very crystal clear.
“I’m sorry for hiding this from you, Wony. I really do.”
You caress her hands that you have been holding since forever.
“I understand why. I would—”
“No. Please don’t do that. It gonna hurts so bad, Wony.”
You shake your head in a grimace, remembering the pain you went through the past few months.
“I don’t want to see you getting hurt, Wony.”
“Neither do I, Jinnie.”
It dawns on you that Wonyoung must have been worried sick about you, especially in the past few weeks. You have hurt yourself and Wonyoung so badly.
“So…”
You break away from your deep thought when Wonyoung grabs your hand.
“So?”
You ask her back.
“What are we?”
You grin and you are sure that Wonyoung knows you’re going to tease her.
“Best friends?”
You guess with a sly smirk plastered on your face.
“Jinnie!”
Your stifled waves of laughter erupt when she starts tickling you.
“Wony! Wony, stop! It tickles!”
Attempting to escape from Wonyoung’s tickles, you climb down the bed, running out of the bedroom.
Being the volleyball athlete she is, Wonyoung easily catches on you—not that you are not an athlete yourself, but that damn hanahaki has depleted your stamina greatly.
“You are not going to escape this time, Jinnie!”
Oh, you can only pray to God to give you the strength to withstand Wonyoung’s antics.