Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

'..Little bread-and-butterflies kiss the tulips, and the sun is like a toy balloon ~

Seven hours ago, at exactly eight-thirty.

...Momoi Satsuki has a big secret.

A secret that she can't risk to leak out. There were no survivors who had accidentally discovered her big and dark secret. The fate of those unfortunate ones suffered a mysterious internal hemorrhage and permanent memory loss. Others, well, others, I am sad to say this, but, others directly went to the afterlife, and were dead to tell the tale of the pink head, Momoi Satsuki.

However, there was one who discovered her big secret.

...It was a small bird.

But that endothermic, vertebrate was an unfortunate cute, little fowl who, one day, after seeing the pink head's big secret immediately flew away after acquiring sty on both of its eyes. Yes. Even birds suffer sty. Not a single creature, even aliens, and worse, birds, can survive the wrath of Momoi Satsuki.

I am sad to tell you this, but, that pretty, little fowl, since it suffered a mysterious sty on both eyes, they grew up to be the size of rice balls! Due to this malignant illness that originated from such unknown circumstance, couldn't fly high enough, since the size of its sties were just two times the fowl's weight! And you might don't want to imagine what happened to the innocent, cute little birdie.

The little birdie had indeed survived the pink head's wrath, however, he was such an unfortunate fowl to suffer the malicious discrimination of his fellow birdies. Every single day, that birdie would tend to fly away from his fellow, since his sties were an eyesore. He became an eyesore eventually. Imagine those dreadful taunting and nightmarish words being thrown into you.

How could life be so cruel for this cute, little birdie?

Anyway, to make the short story shorter. The little birdie, since he couldn't take such an embarrassment decided to execute harakiri.

HARAKIRI

- a ritual of which a person kills himself by disembowelment using a sword. This is considered honorable by the samurais in Japan as an alternative to execution or disgrace.

How did the little birdie done it? Well, I guess you can ask the sky and hopefully, they will answer your question. Please don't bother me with this question, I don't want to share his suffering. (I really don't want to have sties the size of a rice ball.)

....

Momoi Satsuki has a secret that she couldn't tell her fellow teammates.

They will kill her if they discovered just what kind of a person she is.

However, if you will know her, I don't know if you will consider her lucky or otherwise.

"...Kyaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!! Omeeeegosssshhhh! It's You're My Love Prize In Viewfinder! And I didn't know they could sell a lot of doujinshis here! Oh! I'm in heaven!" Happily, she scoops a mountain of Yaoi mangas and doujinshis to her arms, as if they were her lifeline.

Yes, folks. Momoi Satsuki is the biggest *******. She had been living this kind of life for as long as she could remember. (However, I can't seem to remember when did she even start this kind of practice.)

'That's right! I am a certified fujoshi! So what?! I don't care what others would think about me, however, I am just praying that no one will discover this!' The pink head blissfully thought, unaware that there were a lot who already suffered from her curse.

'...Gosh, what am I thinking now?! Well, I just started this sinful desire of reading such nefarious article when I accidentally stray away from searching cool shounen mangas! I thought I was still in my hotties section of shounen manga when I saw - I saw - "

Warning! Warning! Nosebleed alert! Nosebleed alert!

'I thought it was some perverts who, accidentally put some virus in my computer, however, it wasn't the case. I can still remember that day when I checked for the updates of my favorite shounen manga, The New Prince of Tennis online,' the pink head continues to her monologue, while wiping a gallon of blood from her nose using her white hanky. (But it wasn't enough.)

The pink head closes her eyes, suddenly, her voice sounded distant, as if she is slowly pulled into the vortex of her old memories. Around her, the vivid morning colors grow in the shade of sepia.

....

'...I was happily scrolling down, hoping against hope that the next chapter will be released, however, my dreams were crushed when I couldn't find anything. And then, I just saw some hot guys, and it was entitled, You're My Love Prize in the Viewfinder and surprisingly, I also found Kuroshitsuji, but, they look kind of funny? I don't know! However, I was deeply intrigued that I couldn't helped it! My curiosity got the better of me! And so, I told myself, just click it! Click it, bitch!'

The pink head, with the pink laptop on her lap while happily browsing shounen mangas on MangoGo, soon navigates the cute, little, white arrow cursor towards the mysterious cool anime and soon finds herself enamored by the visual graphics.

'Hmmm... Not bad! The mangaka is pretty awesome! I didn't know there are cool guys like Asami Ryuichi. He's so handsome and hot, but how come they are not popular like the Prince of Tennis?' she blissfully thought as she was reading the first chapter until...

"OH MY GOD!!? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE EARTH'S MORAL VALUES??????!!!! WHERE IS HUMANITY?????!!!!!" the pink head quickly covers her eyes with both of her palms. She was trembling - trembling of utter fear and -

excitement ?

"NOOOOOOO!!!! KYAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!! BRING BACK MY VISUAL VIRGINITY!!!!!!!!!"

Suddenly, the whole house quaked under her, followed by the ear-splitting thud across her room.

"Satsuki?! What happened here?! Who stole your VISUAL VIRGINITY???!!!!" his childhood friend, Aomine Daiki, suddenly barges in, his face was drawn of concern. The pink head, upon seeing a male specie inside her room, couldn't process what exactly should she properly accomplish after seeing such a vulgar scene.

"KYAAAAAAAH!!!! You PERVERT!" the pink head, out of her shattered visual chastity, throws her beloved pink lappy top towards her childhood best friend.

"O-Oi! S-Satsuki!?!!!! What the hell are you - "

However, it was already too late.

That was how the pink head started indulging herself to such erotic things. It eventually became her disease.

"...Ahm... It was such a wonderful experience..." the pink head chirps, her baby pink eyes sparkling of excitement and bliss as she recalls those memories.

"...Oh! I would like Asami Ryuichi, my prince, to take 3D form! Oh! I hope there will be someone so cool, brave, and gentleman as him in real life! However, it can't be helped! I am surrounded by jerks," the pink head sighs. "Dai-chan is a pervert! Sneakily watching at the boobs of other girls and then reading some dirty magazines! Hmph! And I had to suffer that black smoke of burning his tower of gravure magazines! Geez! And I DEFINITELY don't want black children in the family!"

The pink head pouts, remembering her hardships for the sake of her Managerial position in the basketball team. (W-Why you racist!)

"Ki-chan is handsome, hmm, yes, he's definitely handsome, however - however, arghhh..." the pink head soon slumps on her bed, burying her face on the soft, white mattress. "...I don't want to suffer from nervous break down because of too much stupidity. And he's so stupid he doesn't realize it. Really, nobody is perfect," the pink head sighs in utter depression.

"Ahm... Midorin is fine. Yep! He's fine! I love smart people! And Akashi-kun - he's perfect even though he's a squirt, but he already has a fiancee so, definitely NO!" the pink head giggles in her monologue, eventually hugging the white pillowcase to her chest.

What a choosy girl! Can't blame her! She's a fujoshi! Whew! (I can't believe I am reading this stuff! I wanna resign here!)

...to be continued.