Chapter Text
Chuuya wonders what his friends would think.
Albatross, Lippmann, Piano man, Doc and Iceman
What would they think of him?
He's going to visit them.
He's brought five roses. One for each, it's convenient that they were buried side by side... If Chuuya closes his eyes, he can pretend they're still there, alive, sitting in their usual spot, but he doesn't do that. He's learned that it hurts more.
Instead he talks to them, or only goes there to be silent when the god inside him becomes unbearable and all he wants is silence, for those emotions that he doesn't know if they're his or not, to be silent.
He visits them a lot, sometimes he doesn't have time or sometimes the guilt is too much, but he always makes a point of visiting.
The graves are clean, with a few flowers around them, not as many as at the beginning. Chuuya realized that in the mafia it was best to forget and move on. That's what most people did... Chuuya didn't.
It's not like he cries every day or anything, he moves on... in part, he goes out with other people, has other friends but he doesn't forget, he doesn't move on completely
He takes it to heart, a loyal dog Dazai would say
That's why it feels like betrayal
Chuuya is standing by the door of the Mafia gate, he intercepted Gin when he knew it was her standard time to go and see Paul
Gin tried, but he saw that she got nervous when he said he could go in her place, which made him want to snort. It's not like he was going to try to kill Paul or anything
Well, he hopes not
He finally knocks on the door, he's not a coward
- Come in - A cold voice echoes from the door.
Paul looks weak, that's the first thing Chuuya thinks when he sees him. He's wearing an impeccable light suit, his hair hasn't grown so much, unlike Chuuya, he's sitting behind a desk with several papers, he seemed inexpressive but when he saw Chuuya his gaze seemed surprised and a spark of happiness shone in them, so small that Chuuya didn't notice.
- Chuuya... What a pleasant surprise - His voice is gentle, with none of the previous coldness - What have you come here for?
- Reports - my voice is reluctant - The boss asked me to - I lie shamelessly, we both know that Mori wouldn't send you here without a good reason.
- I see - Paul says without missing a beat - Why don't you sit down?
Chuuya hesitates a little but then sits down. Paul's table isn't that long so Chuuya can see his face even more closely. Ever since Chuuya saw Paul his eyes were .... Lonely? Now his eyes look sad in a different way... like mourning.
- How are you? - It's a simple question asked by the least simple man Chuuya knows, it's a normal question. Chuuya didn't quite know what to expect but-
- Well... I mean, I'm an executive now - Chuuya doesn't know why he said that, if Paul is really in the mafia then he must already know - It's more work, but I'm good at it.
Paul hums interestedly - I'm sure you are - He says it as if it's something simple, something expected - But I meant How are you?
Ah
Chuuya remains silent, it seems like a lie to say she's fine.
- I'm getting used to it - with the mafia, with your new partnership with Dazai, with the monster you've always felt, with the losses
Paul doesn't seem satisfied with the answer, but he accepts it
- What about you? - I return his question, and Chuuya admits he's curious
Paul's face goes white for a moment, but then he gives a sideways smile - Now that you're here. I'm fine
I'm surprised by this answer, but then my face falls when I realize - So you're only going to be okay now?
Paul doesn't answer, he just looks at him, Chuuya isn't sure if he wants him to answer
- I hear you're working a lot with Dazai... How's it going? - Paul changes the subject not so subtly
Chuuya smiles for the first time since he joined, complaining about Dazai is the easiest thing to do
After that it's easier to talk to his brother, Chuuya's complaints seem to lighten the mood, also the fact that Paul seems interested, absorbing everything Chuuya says like a sponge. Of course, Chuuya has talked to people interested in him before, but it's different
Chuuya realized this after a few days of visiting, Paul always seems to want more. From knowing the smallest things about Chuuya "what's your favorite movie?" "is Mori giving you too much trouble? I can sort it out if you like." "If you're interested, I can teach you French."
The last question intrigued him, he'd always had a weird obsession with France, when he joined the Mafia he'd been taught the basics of several languages but had never delved into any other than English
He always had this desire. But with everything that's happened he's put it aside.... This would be a good way to spend time with Paul, so Chuuya agreed.
After that they started "classes". They don't have a stable schedule since his visits aren't planned was riding his motorcycle past a place where Detective Murase "arrested" him and took him out to eat, trying to convince him to "go back to school" and telling him stories about his life
This memory made Chuuya not go to see Paul for a month. When he eventually went, his brother didn't touch the subject, didn't even mention his absence. Just looking at him with understanding
In addition to French lessons, Paul tells him stories about his life as a spy when he was still in France. Chuuya enjoys these stories, Paul always speaks in a nostalgic and elegant way. It's inevitable not to be charmed
Paul once offered to train Chuuya, which made him freeze. He remembered when Paul opened the Arahabaki gate, he remembered the lack of control, the pain, the idea of Paul training him made his stomach churn
Paul noticed his reaction, of course, and his face contorted as if he had swallowed a lemon. Chuuya did his best to keep his voice from shaking when he said no. He couldn't. Paul looked regretful
After some thought, he shyly asked if Paul could give him some tips, even though Paul's skills were unstable, he was more experienced than Chuuya.
Paul's happiness when Chuuya asked made him look away with a smile on his face. As well as tips on how to use his gravity, Paul also told him spy tips: how to infiltrate, track people etc. Although interesting, he's not Chuuya's type.
Chuuya likes battle, delegating, knowing that his enemy knows he's going to be destroyed
But he still paid attention. To everything. He's a fast learner from the street, he relishes it when Paul compliments him, he's never forced. He's always sincere and assertive
Apart from the tensions that sometimes arise, Chuuya enjoys spending time with Paul, he's patient, elegant and has a dry wit. Chuuya is always surprised when she talks to him
A few months later came Chuuya's 18th birthday.
When he was in the sheepfolds it was never that important, Yuan would give him a hug and Shirase a beer and that was it. There was one time when they had money and were going to buy him a cake, but Chuuya felt guilty about them spending so much money on him and didn't allow it.
On his 16th birthday Albatroz took him to an illegal car race, Chuuya loved the screaming, the cars, the chaotic atmosphere and afterwards they went to play pool and drink with the rest of the Flags, they bought an exaggerated cake, it was Chuuya's favorite flavor, he still doesn't know how they found out.
On his 17th birthday he didn't have the sheep or the Flags. His subordinates congratulated him and Kouyou gave him a more expensive tailored suit than he was wearing, Adam sent him a birthday card with the message: Congratulations on being one year closer to death Chuuya-san! Along with a box full of sweets (especially chewing gum).
He went home ready to drink himself to sleep but before he could Dazai showed up and kidnapped him to go to an arcade that had just opened and they hadn't had time to go yet
It was fun, strangely enough he beat Dazai more than usual. He refuses to think that Dazai let him win, then they went to Chuuya's house to watch a movie while drinking, at one point Dazai took out a small box wrapped in gift paper with drawings of dogs on it.
- Open it Chuuya~ - Dazai throws the box at me
I take it a little suspiciously, being Dazai it could be a normal present or a bomb, you never know.
When I open it, it's a silver bracelet with obviously expensive red details. It's pretty, Chuuya looks at Dazai, then at the bracelet and then at Dazai again.
- Is it for me? - I ask suspiciously - Are you serious?
- Is there anyone else here, Chuchu? - Dazai says smiling, and that's when I notice that he also has a bracelet, the only difference is that his has blue details
When I realize this, I laugh - What's that? Friendship bracelet? - I say mockingly but I put the bracelet on, I usually wear gloves so few people will notice.
Dazai grimaces and ignores my question - Not even a thank you? -Dazai gets up and brings over two bottles of wine -I bet you'll appreciate these gifts!
They were two bottles of Château Pétrus'89.
An extremely expensive wine
Holding up the bottles, I can't help but smile - did you buy this yourself? - I take a sip, it's delicious
I'll leave the other bottle for a special celebration
- Have you forgotten that I get the same as you? - Dazai teases, sipping his glass
- You live in a container and only eat canned crab, yes I forget - I speak directly, Dazai refuses to buy basic things even though he has money. Chuuya has given up on understanding Dazai completely.
Dazai smiles and then leans towards Chuuya - I've got another present for Chuuya~ but he has to promise not to hurt me - His tone is defiant, and Chuuya may already be drunk because he thinks Dazai is a bit.... Nervous
Chuuya frowns, that difficulty would be good, but Chuuya rarely refuses a challenge so he nods
Chuuya was expecting a prank or something. He didn't expect Dazai to kiss him
Dazai's lips are cold, but not as dry as Chuuya expected
It's a simple touch of the lips. Chuuya is unresponsive for a few moments before grabbing the back of Dazai's neck and deepening the kiss
He'd never done that before, and neither had Dazai from the looks of it. It was sloppy, nervous and left Chuuya feeling hot inside.
They stayed like that for a while, a long while. Before Chuuya knew it, he fell asleep, right there on the sofa
When he woke up, he instantly realized that Dazai was still there, with half his body on top of him. This surprised Chuuya more than their kiss. Dazai has made it clear to many that he hates being touched.
It made his face heat up, and the warm, comfortable feeling returned. It's similar to what he feels when he returns from a mission without losing any limbs, when Paul compliments him, when Kouyou looks at him with pride
Chuuya likes that feeling
After that, they carry on as normal: fighting, gambling, being the most feared duo in the underworld. All normal. Except now they're doing this. Kiss. Not as much as on Chuuya's birthday, usually it's when Chuuya finishes using the corruption, Dazai kisses him gently before he passes out. Or when they're bored in Chuuya's apartment
When Chuuya asked Dazai why he did it, Dazai just said that he didn't want his dog to die BV. This of course made Chuuya kick him in the ribs
Chuuya hates him... But he likes kissing that bastard
It's no big deal. It's just one more thing in his dynamic with Dazai
He hasn't told Paul, but his brother looks at him strangely when he complains about Dazai afterwards
Anyway, it's Chuuya's 18th birthday. And unlike other years, he no longer feels disconnected... He has Paul, Kouyou, the mafia, his friends... Dazai
He allows himself to enjoy his birthday.
His subordinates congratulated him, Kouyou gave him a set of crystal goblets, Adam sent another card and more sweets. Before he goes out with his mafia friends to a bar they insisted on going to, he goes to see Paul
He taps on the door twice in succession. It's a sign that Paul knows it's Chuuya. When Chuuya enters, Paul is as elegant as ever. Paul looks at him affectionately
- Happy birthday Chuuya - Paul says and approaches Chuuya. He hesitates before hugging Chuuya. Giving Chuuya time to pull away if he wants to
Chuuya doesn't want to move away
He wants Paul in his life. He likes his brother, maybe he'll love him over time.
Chuuya has realized that family is something he chooses
He chose the mafia as his family.
- You don't know how much I appreciate you giving me a chance - Paul says calmly as he hugs him, the hug is a little awkward since Paul is much taller than him, but it's no less comfortable - I know I've hurt you in many ways... I promise to make it up to you as much as I can, little brother.
At that moment, Chuuya decided to choose Paul as well.