Chapter Text
Ok, Izuku heaves a labored breath, allowing the door to click shut behind him. It’s… It’s fine, it’s not as though he’s been waiting half his life for Katsuki to reciprocate his feelings or anything. It’s not as though he’d gotten overwhelmingly excited and nervous when he was asked up to his room without any explanation.
The air had absolutely hummed with anxiety, mostly from Izuku, he thinks, because Katsuki’s never been anxious about anything. Right? All that hesitating wasn’t because he was scared of… of something.
Of Izuku.
He’s not scary, right? He seems to be pretty open and honest and perhaps a little anxious but that’s never stopped the blond from insulting him before on his poor social skills. Maybe it's the dozens of notebooks. Maybe Katsuki actually thinks he’s a creep and was debating how to give it to him gently. Not like him, either, but it could be that he just didn’t want to deal with his endless tears. Yeah, yeah that’s probably it.
“Stupid.” He mutters to himself, closing his eyes and hitting his forehead lightly. He’s in his room now, leaned back against the door and feeling like an absolute disgrace. It’s a good thing he didn’t say anything, as much as he wanted to. What if Katsuki rejected him? What would there relationship be like then?
A knock resonates lightly on his door, and for a heartstopping moment he thinks it's the exact boy who’d been occupying his recent thoughts. It’s not, it’s Mina, a tender look to her face. She’s smiling sweetly, head tilted to the side as she requests permission to come in when Izuku just stands there all sad-like.
“Oh! Um, Yeah sorry, come in.” A he moves aside and rubs at his eyes, hoping there aren’t any tears that remain, breath shuddering in heartbreak. “Sorry- I was um, yeah.” His words are shaking and disordered, but he does his best to keep them from shattering.
“It’s alright.” She soothes, head shaking as she takes an idle seat on his bed, patting for him to join besides her. He does so reluctantly, limbs stiff and out of place on his body. “I heard you went up to Kats? How did that go?”
Kats… oh, right. Instantly, his cheeks are flaring up and his stomach is dropping with even more shame. That’s right, it was rumored that she and Katsuki were dating, with as much as the two hung out, it wouldn’t surprise anyone. Except Izuku, perhaps, who just didn’t see it. The two were more of siblings, or best friends, than anything. Of course he’d be wrong, what was he thinking? “Ah- We just studied! Honestly.”
Mina gives him a flat look for an entire minute, Izuku sweating buckets in the process, before she finally moves, humming an uh-huh yeah ok and leaving immediately. Izuku blanches when a moment later he hears heavy stomping on the floor above, soon fading further up into the building. Dang… He hopes he didn’t ruin anything between them.
Internally cursing himself for the hundredth time that day, he finally settles into his bed and tries not to cry.
…
Ochako is pulling him aside the next day as he’s struggling through his emotions. Last night, he’d tossed and turned and clung tightly to his blanket, pretending to be wrapped around by a warm body and no fluffy wool. Like the silent breathing was someone else’s and not his one.
Katsuki has been oddly avoidant of him, and all Izuku can think about that is that he’s done something wrong, again. Mina doesn’t look very happy, but shuts him down before he can ramble off a list of apologies, “It’s not you.” She had said sweetly, hissing “it’s him.” obviously directed at Katsuki. He flipped her off.
And he told Ochako of the incident, his best friend, someone he stil struggles to talk to because he isn’t used to having friends. She’s so, so kind and understanding, but he can’t help but feel like he hurt her when confessing what he thinks about the blond.
And now they’re here in the hallway and Ochako is holding his hand lovingly in her, running her finger over his knuckles, a sad look softened in her features. She likes him more that he likes her, cheeks tinted pink. Izuku’s going to splutter something, because, ok, sure that makes sense. Maybe he should stop focusing on Katsuki- he’d get over it eventually if he just-
“Don’t.” The girl stops him, letting their hands drop, disconnected. “You love him, and that isn’t going to go away if you go out with me. I… I understand that, now. You’re don’t and your not going to just magically develop romantic feelings for me out of the blue.” She looks him in the eyes, too understanding and warm.
“But he doesn’t…”
“He does.” She tells him, and he knows that it hurts for her to say, and yet she stresses it, urging him to believe it. She touches him arm in a form of comfort, but there’s tears in her eyes and she’s so obviously heartbroken that it hurts him too. “Just,, tell him. Please. Even if he doesn’t return your feelings, it might make it easier to… to move on.”
Izuku doesn’t believe that, but he nods morosely anyway. “I’m sorry.” He says and she doesn’t respond, gently pushing him back to the cafeteria. On instinct, he tries to pick Katsuki out of the crowd, and what he finds has his breath full on halting.
Katsuki… looks devastated, utterly destroyed and beyond stressed. Mina is meeting Ochaco’s eyes, and there’s a conversation that passes between them that has the pink girl relaxing minutely. Izuku loks down at where Ochaco is still touching him, and she seems to realize that as well, flustered as she pulls away and shotting a not-so-subtle thumbs up.
She retreats to the table where Iida is waiting, the tall boy casting Izuku a gentle, but stern look. He’s not mad, just feeling bad for his friend and he pulls her away, somewhere more private to where they can talk it out.
Izuku turns back around to where Katsuki is glaring harshly down at the floor, eyebrows drawn together as he makes a pointed effort to not acknowledge Izuku where he stands. Izuku wishes he would. He wishes he would and that he’d realize that Izuku is fucking in love with him that it hurts so, so much.
“Kacchan.” He whispers, striding over and stopping in front of the teen.
“Deku.” Katsuki responds, voice strained as he finally looks back up, ruby eyes meeting teary green ones. He seems uncomfortable, wiping his hands across any sort of fabric that’s built to resist his quirk. He does that when he’s feeling anxious, Izuku knows, having observed the teen for a long, long time.
“Can we, um, can we talk.” He keeps his voice down, but Katsuki’s squad is watching them intently. Belatedly, he adds, “In private?”
The blond meets his gaze and holds it, searching for something. Mina shoves his arm slightly, glaring right into him until he’s stumbling out of the chair, turning away and down the hall. He glances back only once to make sure that Izuku is following him.
They go all the way to the dorms, missing whatever classes they’ll have later. Izuku knows it’s just Katsuki buying time, but doesn’t make any moves to stop him. He was trying to calm his nerves in the process, chewing anxiously at his lower lip.
Finally, they’re back in Katsuki’s room and gravitating towards the bed, sitting so close that he can feel the other’s body heat. Which is a lot. Probably a side effect to his quirk. Izuku just wants to curl up against it like a cat, letting the cold melt away and be forgotten in the presence of such warmth.
Now that they're actually here, neither know how to start.
Eventually, though, Katsuki finally lets a few words out. “So… you and Round’cheeks, huh?” His voice is a rumbling timber, settling on Izuku’s very bones.
Izuku’s face darkens, eyes growing a little wide. Is… is that why he didn’t say anything last night? Because he thought that he and Ochako would be getting together? Why? Did he not understand how deeply Izuku loved him? “No, we um. We’re friends, and I couldn’t…”
Someone needs to say it.
“I couldn’t hide from, um, my feelings by jumping into a-another relationship whe-where I don’t even, ah, reciprocate.” He fidgets with his thumbs, looks down and Katsuki’s head snaps over, a sense of horror and awe rolling off his body.
“You don’t like her.” Katsuki says bluntly, so still that Izuku doesn’t even think he’s breathing. Izuku’s cheeks flush a dark red and he nods. “You like someone else.”
“Um. Yes.”
Katsuki looks at him, and suddenly there’s a shy hand on his and the teen is leaning in, not just meeting Izuku’s eyes but digging into them. “You like me?”
Izuku considers lying, but It’s far, far too late. “Yes.” He admits past the lump in his throat. He looks away, “and you and Mina…?”
“…just friends.” Katsuki breathes, looking at him for a long, drawn out moment, then, “you… love me?”
There’s… he’s not angry. He’s not disgusted. He’s hopeful?
Izuku nods again, and then Katsuki is invading his space and pressing his lips against his and their colliding into the mattress and fuck- they’re both crying.
“This was so stupid.” Katsuki sniffs and Izuku laughs wetly in agreement.