Chapter Text
At the early morning Faculty Meeting...
“And so, that’s the current plan to deal with Himiko Toga!” Nedzu says, clicking his clicker one last time to retract the presentation screen back into the ceiling. “Any questions?” he asks, dropping back into his seat from his standing position and steepling his fingers as he surveys the teachers present for the staff meeting- the usual faculty members, of course, minus Thirteen, who had a “urgent errand to run”.
Hizashi Yamada looks nervously at the rest of his colleagues. Sure, he had English class with the listeners yesterday so he already got the full picture of the Toga-situation, but some of his colleagues were make it or break it with this kind of thing. And he already was familiar with how most of them were going to react, but All Might? With the star power and famous incorruptibility behind that man, if he wasn’t on board, the ship was sunk before it made it out of port…
All Might- in his skinny form, of course- takes the sheaf of paper in his hands that made up the meeting agenda and taps it against the surface of the table. “I see.”
There’s a beat of silence, before All Might, Nemuri, and Sekijiro all whip paper out of their bags simultaneously and slam it against the desk. Another moment before they all start yelling.
“Plucky blonde!” All Might shouts, pointing at the other two. “That means I get her!”
“Ah-ah-ah!” Sekijiro yells, pointing right back. “Blood quirk! Quirk status takes priority!”
“Eat my entire ass, Kan!” Nemuri yells back, slamming both palms on the table. “You got the last ward of U.A., and we all know she’s got physical intimacy issues! That means she’s mine!”
Hizashi coughs. “Actually, since she’s got a dangerous quirk, that means-”
“STAY THE FUCK OUT OF THIS, MIC!” all three yell at him.
Hizashi makes the wise decision to not get involved any further.
Nedzu coughs. “Gentlemen? Gentlewoman? Perhaps we should actually bring Toga to the side of good before we divvy up which one of you gets to adopt her?”
The three adults sheepishly sit back down in their chairs.
“And besides,” the principal says, chortling, “I saw her first. That means I get dibs.”
“I will punt you out of the building,” All Might says. “Don’t think I wouldn’t.”
Nedzu waves the matter of. “It’s a moot point,” he decides. “For now, our first priority should be to convince Toga that actually being a hero is, in the words of today’s youth, ‘very bussing’.”
“Please never say that again,” Thirteen says as she enters the room. “I think I actually died a little just now.”
“Is my vernacular not ‘hip’ and ‘cool’ enough for you?”
“Boss I am literally having a stroke over here.”
Nedzu chuckles. “Anyways, did you complete the errand I gave you?”
“Oh, Midoriya!” Thirteen says, having noticed the teen carrying zero notebooks and also caressing a large kitchen knife with a slightly terrifying smile on his face. “Do you have a moment?”
“Yep!” Midoriya says, beaming. “What’s up, Ms. Thirteen?”
“I have this key to an empty room on the second floor that was supposed to be used for an extra student but ultimately went unused,” Thirteen says, handing the student the key. “D’you mind passing it onto Yaoyorozu?”
“Sure thing, sensei!” Midoriya says. “I definitely won’t keep this for myself and use it!”
“Either Midoriya ran out of space in his room again because someone keeps giving him free All Might merch,” All Might starts whistling and looking away, “or yeah, my mission was done successfully.”
“Great!” Nedzu beams. “Now that Toga has a safe and secure place to sleep, the last thing to do for now is set up a nutritional regimen for her. We can’t add noticeable quantities of blood to her meals- certainly not enough to match her dietary requirements- but I believe our students have already begun a program to account for that on their own?”
Ryo Inui, better known as Hound Dog, speaks up. “They’ve been giving her blood for, as she puts it, ‘entirely non-suspicious purposes’,” he explains, signing the air quotes with his fingers. “We don’t have fully accurate data, but Higari and I think it looks like she’s consuming all of the blood and saving next to none of it for in the future.”
“That’s good,” Hizashi comments. “Right? I mean, we don’t have to worry about that blood coming back to bite us, yeah?”
“From a pro-hero perspective, I’d agree with you,” Inui says. “But speaking as a psychiatrist, something about Toga is tripping alarm bells in my head…”
“Perhaps a formal investigation into Toga’s homelife is in order!” Nedzu says. “Aizawa, Yagi, I shall put the two of you on that, since Inui is busy giving most of U.A. all of the therapy.”
Both heroes nod.
“Wonderful!” Nedzu says, clapping his hands together. “Next on our agenda: Lunch Rush has been requesting a budget addition…”
During Homeroom that day...
“Today, class, we’ll be doing an ice-breaker exercise,” Shota Aizawa says, walking into the room. “I’ve become concerned recently about possible infiltrators in the school,” he explains, eyeing one of the two Izuku Midoriyas- the one that starts whistling, in particular- “So I’ve decided to test your memories on your time at U.A. so far.”
“Sounds fun!” Ashido says, just too late for her neighbors to gag her.
“ Have you learned nothing in this class? ” Kaminari hisses. “ If you say the f-word in front of Mr. Aizawa, bad things happen! ”
“Fun?” Aizawa says, grinning. “The person with the worst answer in the class is getting expelled. How’s that for fun?”
Tenya Iida raises his hand. “Sir, by what criteria will you be grading the answers? Is this a classic case of quality over quantity, or something more? What happens if certain students are unable to answer within the remaining time in homeroom?”
Aizawa pauses for a moment, considering. “Fine. If anyone can’t give an answer, they’ll get expelled.”
The whistling Midoriya suddenly panics. Good. Aizawa isn’t sure how Himiko Toga managed to charm the faculty members into letting her stay, but he for one wasn’t going to let a mass-murderer into his classroom around his kids. Especially the ones with ridiculously poor impulse control, which was all of them except maybe Shoji. And even Shoji he was still on the fence about.
But with Nedzu saying that he couldn't use Erasure to expose the girl, he was stuck playing mind games to try and catch her out in a lie.
God dammit.
“My favorite time was when we ate du fromage at the Training Camp!” Aoyama says, as sparkly as ever. “C'était très bon!”
A chair scrapes across the classroom, dragging everyone’s attention to it.
Izuku Midoriya #2, somehow ten feet away from where they last were (but still seated in their chair), whistles innocently.
“I loved getting to dance with all the girls that night at the camp! It was super fun!” Ashido says, miming some of the dance moves with her arms.
Another horrible scraping noise echoes out.
Izuku Midoriya #2 whistles somehow even less innocently, another ten feet from her starting position.
“I think I enjoyed visiting the pool with everyone before the Training Camp, ribbit,” Asui says, touching her chin in thought. “It was nice to swim with the other girls.”
Another, even worse scratching as the chair is dragged right next to Ochako Uraraka.
“I enjoyed our internships, when I definitely did not abandon my mentor to go fight the notorious mass-murderer Stain in a misguided attempt to avenge my brother!” Iida says, chopping his hands.
“I enjoyed the internships too!” Uraraka says, punching the air. “Training with Gunhead was super cool!”
“I enjoyed… um…” the Izuku Midoriya next to Uraraka begins before the brown-haired girl begins whispering to them. “I enjoyed the Sports Festival!” Midoriya decides. “It was fun to fight Todoroki!”
“Didn’t you break essentially all your fingers during that fight, only to end up losing?” Aizawa asks, raising an eyebrow.
Midoriya shrugs. “They healed, thanks to…”
Ochako whispers something to Midoriya.
“Recovery Grill!”
Ochako whispers something else.
“Girl Grill!”
Aizawa pinches his brow.
Todoroki raises his hand. “Can we skip ahead to me so I can also say that I enjoyed fighting the mass-murderer Stain with Iida and Midoriya over the internships?”
Iida chops his hands. “Todoroki! I said that the three of us definitely did not fight Stain!”
“Wait, you guys fought Stain?” Hanta Sero asks, eyes open in surprise. “That’s crazy!”
“Super manly though!” Kirishima interjects.
“I said that we did not fight Stain!” Iida shouts. “That never happened, and those of us that say otherwise should think very hard on NDA’s that they may or may not have signed!”
Jiro turns to Midoriya. “Midoriya?” she asks, quirking an eyebrow as she stares him down.
Midoriya begins whistling innocently as he sweats, looking away shakily.
Aizawa pinches his brow even harder.
Later that day...
“So, mind telling us what this is all about, Todoroki?” Tsuyu Asui asks from her position cross legged on the ground in Shoto Todoroki’s room. “Classes are out for the day, ribbit, but I still have homework I need to finish up.”
“Of course,” the heterochromatic boy says, grabbing a corkboard and wheeling it out. “Let me start from the beginning,” he starts.
“Make it snappy, Fire Guy,” Mei Hatsume says, shaking in her position on the ground. “I’m missing out on valuable baby time!”
“And I function as like 90% of Mirio, Nejire, and Tamaki’s impulse control, so I better get back to them soon too,” Yuyu Haya adds, sitting between the other two.
“Hey, guys, check this out!” Nejire Hado says, running into the lounge area of Class 3-A’s dorms holding aloft a flaming torch, three more unlit clutched in her other hand. “I betcha I can do some fire-swallowing! I saw a video about it on HeroTube!”
“Nah, that’s nothing!” Mirio Toogata says, standing up. “Sir showed me how to juggle last time I was over there- I bet it’s not too hard with lit torches!”
Tamaki Amajiki holds up a hand. “I-I heard that sharks are fire retardant. And Lunch Rush made shark fin soup for me today.”
“Ooh, ooh! We should try it!”
“Wait, then why are you here, ribbit?”
“He said it was an emergency,” Yuyu says, pointing at Todoroki.
“I’m just happy to actually be included in something!” Minoru Mineta adds, a noticeable gap between him and the three women.
“Don’t worry, this is very important,” Todoroki says. “I have evidence that Himiko Toga…”
There’s a beat.
“...is actually my dead brother, Touya Todoroki.”
“Alright, that’s it, I’d better go make sure that Nejire hasn’t convinced the guys to play with fire yet,” Yuyu says, getting to her feet.
“I missed out on baby time for this?” Hatsume moans, disappointed, as she hops to her feet.
“Wait!” Todoroki says, holding his hands up. “It’s very important that the five of us, in particular, investigate!”
Yuyu stops climbing to her feet. “Why, exactly, is it important?” she asks, raising an eyebrow.
“When I decided to start investigating, I began researching sources to draw from, and I discovered a pre-quirk group of mystery investigators known as,” Todoroki hastily explains, tacking a picture onto the board, “ Mystery Incorporated ,” he says, reverently, as the rest of the room looks on at the picture of the cartoon gang.
“Yep, that’s it,” Yuyu says, walking towards the exit. “I’m done.”
“No, but the five of us fit perfectly!” Todoroki says. “I resemble Fred, because I am good at making traps. With my ice. And my fire. Hatsume is very smart, like Velma. Haya-senpai, you are good at managing people. Like Daphne. Asui-”
“If you say that I’m like the dog I will attack you for being quirkist.”
“-you are like Shaggy, because you both wear green.”
“Acceptable, ribbit.”
“And I’m like Scooby because I’m a dog? Y’know, like a player with the women?” Mineta asks, raising his eyebrow in a manner that was supposed to be suggestive but instead made him look mildly constipated.
“No, it is because Bakugo called you a scurvy dog that one day after you tried to peep on the girls before he beat you so bad in training that you had to visit Recovery Girl.”
“That was a very weird day, ribbit.”
Todoroki pauses. “Bakugo lost a bet with Kirishima, I believe, and it was National Talk Like A Pirate Day. Regardless, this is the best team to discover the truth behind who really is Himiko Toga! That being my dead brother, Touya.”
In the direction of the 3-A dorms in the distance, fire alarms begin to sound. “Shit!” Yuyu curses, sprinting for the door. “I knew I shouldn’t have left them alone without setting up a proper watch and supervision!” she grouses, trailing off as sprints down the hallway.
“That did not sound like a no to working with us,” Todoroki says.
Hatsume begins walking towards the door. “I have babies to work on-”
“I will give you unlimited access to Endeavor’s credit card if you stay.”
Hatsume abruptly turns and sits back down. “-y’know what, I can just work on babies here in my head with the budget of the Number One pro hero.”
“Are either of you leaving?” Todoroki asks.
“I’m still just happy to actually be invited to something!” Mineta says, tearing up a little.
“You would be invited to more events if you weren’t such a pervert, ribbit,” Asui says.
“I’m a what?”
“Anyways, I’ll stay,” Asui says, making herself comfortable on the floor. “I’m morbidly curious about where it goes from here, ribbit,” she says.
“Great!” Todoroki says. “Now, the first investigation will require a snare trap and a tuna sandwich…”