Chapter Text
Someone was yelling.
He wasn't quite sure where he was, or where he stopped and everything else began. Everything was fuzzy, distant, and dark, and someone was yelling in his general direction.
Then there was a loud crack and white hot pain ran through his veins, shaping him and cutting him off from the endless darkness.
Kenny's eyes snapped open.
Chaos was holding him under the armpits, up near his face. Kenny's face burned.
“Did you…slap me?” Kenny squeaked, rubbing his very sore cheek, the Mysterion voice dropped in shock.
“Well yelling didn't work!" Chaos huffed, setting him back down on his feet “What happened, why were you unconscious?”
“Well I met someone who I thought was you-” Kenny sighed, slipping back into the growl of Mysterion,
“You know just cause we’ve worked together once doesn't mean I'm not a supervillain,” Chaos glared at him,
“Whatever, turns out they weren't you, we got in a skirmish and," Kenny kicked the mangled spray can, which rolled a few feet away, hissing and spitting with the motion, "apparently sleeping gas feels like dying,"
"oh." Chaos hummed, “That explains why you sound even more like a 40-year-old smoker whose been smoking for 50 years, Wait why do know what dying feels like?”
“Doesn't matter.” Kenny tapped his com, “Trice, ya there?”
The com was silent,
“Shit.”
“Mysterion!” Informatrice yelled, throwing the door open,
“A!” Kenny gasped, before coughing up his lungs. Chaos looked shocked for a moment,
“Oh, you must Informatrice! Wish I could say our dear Mysterion speaks of you fondly, but I believe all I've learned of you comes from the coffee shop on the college campus,” Chaos smiled as Kenny continued to cough, “Still it is a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance!”
"Pleasures all yours.” Informatrice growled as Kenny recovered, turning her attention to him, “Are you ok, you went dark for like, 10 minutes!”
“I'm fine, I'll fill you in after,” Kenny waved a hand, before noticing, "is that a new suit?"
she brightened, "It IS, my girlfriend made it for me, though it's still a work in progress!"
Informatrice gently spun, showing off her short, pleated pink skirt and its matching cropped hoodie, whose hood was pulled over her head. Most of her tech had haphazardly tied to her body with a white belt, each connected to each other with loose cables, all leading to a headphone and mic set poking out from under the hood. A dark pair of goggles covered her eyes, properly obscuring her identity.
"Looks nice," Chaos cheered,
"Agreed." Kenny nodded, admiring Informatrice's girlfriend's handiwork.
"She's offered to do you one if you need." She smirked at him, and Kenny blushed,
"I'll have to politely decline." Kenny blushed, gently rubbing the tattered hem of his sweater, "either way, Chaos where have you been? because clearly I've been followed by an impostor."
"Oh, it doesn't matter" Chaos looked embarrassed,
"He's been in the kids' room." Informatrice grinned,
"No I haven't!" Chaos blushed,
"He was picking up the mess." Informatrice continued,
"I don't know what you're talking about!" Chaos turned redder,
"It really was sweet."
"Aw hamburgers Informatrice, I've got a reputation to uphold!" Chaos smiled, rubbing the back of his head.
Kenny smirked despite himself.
"So, uh, Mysterion?" Chaos suddenly asked, "What we're we supposed to be looking for exactly?"
Kenny sighed, before kneeling under the self to retrieve the large Necronomicon, still stashed underneath. He pulled it out and held it up to his audience.
"These, I was looking to keep these out of the cults hands," Kenny sighed, "Fake chaos already seems to have a small one, and at least one Cult member knows their location, which means the rest are probably on their way."
"Ok that's probably bad but," chaos shrugged, "what's the hubbub about some old leather books?"
"They're Grimoires and Necronomicons," Kenny said, and both Chaos and Informatrice looked at him like he'd grown a second head. he sighed, "They're magic, Necronomicons contain information about elder beings, while Grimoires contain knowledge about practical magic. So a cult getting their hands on really old, really powerful ones..."
"Means bad news for everyone who doesn't want to be fed to Yogsothoth." Informatrice finished, "so what do we do? just stand here and punch their lights out when they get here?"
"That doesn't sound like a great plan," Chaos interjected, "they outnumber us 3 to 6, and my bots aren't exactly combat-ready."
"And I'm still a little...woozy," Kenny added, gently swaying on his feet, before smirking, "so I suggest we do a little...redecorating, for the librarians."
Chaos gasped excitedly, "Are we gonna repaint the kid's room and finally get rid of that Shrek mural?"
"What?"
"Wha-Chaos no were gonna move the magic books- What Shrek mural?" Kenny asked,
"You know, the Shrek mural, behind the magic tree house books?"
"Chaos?" Informatrice asked, confused,
"For fucks sake, Whatever, Come on let's go" Kenny groaned, waving the pair back into the room with the Books, the others on the hem of his cloak.
Kenny picked up a handful of the books, tucking them close to him to keep them stable, "You guys grab the rest?"
"Absolutely." Informatrice picked up a pair of books for herself,
The pair watched as Professor Chaos's cloak shifted oddly as a clicking device crawled down his back.
"Chaos...is that...one of the crab things?" Kenny asked, flinching away,
"Yeah, but I modified it a bit." Chaos smiled as the crab clicked and shifted, its legs getting taller, before Chaos gently plopped the rest of the books on the body of the robot, before looking back at the pair with pride as the robot extended an extra pair of limbs to gently hold the books ontop.
"Chaos that is....something..." Informatrice winced
"Let's just go." Kenny sighed, resigning himself to the fact that he was never going to escape the blight of the world's most unnerving robots as he pushed open the door,
The unlikely trio got two more rooms before hell broke loose.
"Kyle I cannot believe you got us lost!" Stan said, pushing open the door before freezing,
The trio froze as well, Kenny stiffening, Informatrice shrinking under her pile of books, and Chaos merely staring in shock,
"Well I'm not the one who said we should go-" Kyle ducked under Stan's outstretched arm, before freezing in turn.
Kenny looked at his stack of books and back at his friends,
"I swear this I have a good reason for this," he growled, ignoring the shake in his voice,
"Do you?" Kyle asked confusion visibly rising in his face.
"I brainwashed him." Professor chaos purred through a grin, gently pushing Kenny over.
"Ignore him." Kenny's face dropped as he steadied himself.
"He's so evil now."
"I don't know why he's still here"
"We're giving these books to just the evilest cult."
"We are doing the literal opposite."
Before he could speak again, Informatrice smacked Chaos upside the head.
"Oww." Chaos whined, "that was uncalled for!"
"You are literally a supervillain!" she chirped
"Yeah but still!" Chaos
Kenny sighed and opened his mouth to speak before someone kicked a different door open.
The five in the room stared at the crowd of figures in masks on the other side of the door, before Chaos yelled,
"BOOK IT! ha puns." Chaos smiled to himself as everyone else took off, as the cult suddenly lept upon him.
-----
Kenny gasped for air as he steadied himself against the desk. The library had apparently closed in the time he was out since most of the lights had been turned off, and the handful of lights that were on cast eerie shadows throughout the room. He had ended up in the main hall of the Library, just under the skylight where he had started his night. The darkness seemed to shift and warp a little, like the shadows were alive.
"you..." Kyle gasped, appearing from the darkness with a vengeance, "what...the fuck...is...fuck I need to sit down."
Kenny got the gist.
"Basically the same cult that tried to blow up a ball last week," Kenny rubbed his eyes, "they're trying to get these books, since they're grimoires and Necronomicons, and they're a cult serving something old and beyond mortal understanding, so them having these things-"
"Bad, very bad." Kyle nodded, "makes sense."
"Yeah." Kenny sighed, straightening up again, "very bad."
"HEY!" a voice echoed from the darkness, as one of the cult members ran up towards them,
"Did they literally send just one guy?" Kyle asked,
"I think so," Kenny sighed, "Keep the books safe."
"Wait what?"
Kenny ran towards the cult member as Kyle watched on, slowly ducking behind the desk and pulling the books along with him.
The cultist reared their arm back, ready to sock Kenny in the face, before Kenny ducked down, dropping into a baseball slide, rolling back to his feet, and slipping his staff open, before whirling behind them and smacking them as hard as he could.
------
Stan was about thirty seconds from leaping out the window. He was stuck in some random room with a supervillain, and that was the least distressing thing going on.
He could feel chaos studying him as he tried to jimmy open the next door, did his damnest to ignore it. Whether it had been locked or was just stuck was beyond him, but there were like, four cultists on their tails and they needed to get through the door.
"You know, you look really familiar," Chaos suddenly said, still fiddling with something in his hands, "Have we met before? Maybe held you hostage once?"
"Maybe while I was drunk?" Stan growled, before ramming the door with his shoulder. It rattled uselessly.
"Probably," Chaos shrugged, "also the door opens inwards."
Stan looked at the hinges of the door, finding that it was, in fact, a pull door.
"God," Stan pinched his nose, "dammit."
Chaos gently pushed to the door and placed a strange device on the knob. a moment later the door clicked open.
"How did you?"
"if you can't pick locks yourself," Chaos lifted the device off the doorknob and pulled open the door, "store-bought is fine, let's go hostage!"
"Ok, look I am not your hostage"
-----
Wendy was having a weird night. Not a bad night, but not a good one either. Sure, getting chased by a pair of cultists wasn't fun, but she was having a shit ton of fun fucking with them.
"Over here!" one of her phones echoed, and both cult members lunged at the empty closet.
Wendy herself was up in the rafters, with the books, watching the pair scramble around the room.
"Gods damn TELEPORTERS!" one of the figures growled, and Wendy smiled, slipping her escrima sticks from her belt, she waited.
Slowly the pair stalked back to the center of the room, and Wendy perked up, leaning forward. For a moment she waited, before she lept down, aiming towards the members.
------------
Kenny glared down at the cultist in dissatisfaction.
"That was fucking stupid," he growled returning to Kyle, who was still under the desk. He rapped is knuckles against the top. The desk rattled and Kyle soon after appeared, gently rubbing his head, glaring at him.
"That...was uncalled for."
Kenny shrugged.
Kyle dropped the books on the desk. "Now what?"
"Genuinely no clue." Kenny rubbed his eyes, "I need a nap, and like, whisky on the rocks."
"Alright then." Kyle picked up the books again and walked off.
"Where are you going?"
"This way." Kyle growled, "You don't know where were going, so were going," Kyle turned around and jammed his thumb in the direction he was headed, "This way."
"Fucking hell." Kenny rubbed his face and followed him.
The pair ended up in the kids' room.
"Who arranged these books?" Kyle asked,
"Chaos." Kenny placed his hands on a lower shelf, trying to steady himself,
"ah."
"well what do you know," Kenny glared up at the wall, where the world's shittiest mural of Shrek stood, "shitty Shrek Mural"
"Mysterion can you focus?" Kyle asked, dropping the books in Kenny's arms, "what are we supposed to be doing with these books again?"
"Just keeping them out of the hands of the cult." Kenny sighed, "We should-"
"BOOK IT!" Stan suddenly ran through them,
"WHY ARE FOUR?" Professor chaos screamed, forgetting grammar, his robot on his tail.
The pair looked at each other, before looking down the corridor the pair appeared. Four of the cultists were desperately running at them.
"OH SHIT!" Kyle screamed, quickly turning on his heel and following Stan and Kyle.
"Fuck" Kenny followed, before pressing his com,
----
"Informatrice are you there?" Mysterion's voice growled over the coms, and Wendy pressed her com in turn, gently kicking the unconscious cultists.
"Right here!" Wendy said,
"We've got four on our asses, headed toward the main hall, some help would be appreciated!" Mysterion growled,
"On it!" Wendy smirked, turning on her heel and running toward the main hall.
Wendy burst into the main hall, behind the cultist crowd. One of the cultists was already knocked out, lying prone on the floor, pushed off to the side haphazardly.
"Ok motherfuckers," she growled and the four whirled around, "We've already knocked out three of you guys-"
"Wait...three?" one of the cultists asked, visibly doing a head count.
"Yeah cause one is right there," Wendy pointed a stick at the body, "and I've handled two."
"weren't there," Mysterion perked up, "6 of you?"
"6?"
"yeah 6." the Cultist suddenly seemed giddy, "oh what dreams eternally have you visited in the veneer of our guise, assisting us in our-"
"ok fuck this," one of the cultists jumped back and pulled out a small leather-bound book.
"FAKE CHAOS!" Mysterion yelled, pointing at the cultist who began flipping through the book.
Mysterion lunged at the fake chaos, who looked like a cultist, only for them to lift their hand and read something from the book.
Mysterion was suddenly stopped in mid-air, his hands suddenly to his neck, desperately pulling at nothing.
"Mysterion!" Stan suddenly yelled (of all times, of all places of all people-)
Wendy ran up to the figure and moved to swing her escrima sticks into their face, only for the figure to swing their hand around. For a moment, Wendy felt a tightness around her chest, before she suddenly went flying back, crashing into the wall. for a moment everything spun and stars danced across her eyes,
Shegroaned, standing up, before everything started floating.
Mysterion made a noise of pain, while Chaos squeaked and the cultists yelled, as the desks and tables in the room suddenly formed a shifting mess in the air.
The fake cultist shifted, their skin and clothing changing and melting, forming a young woman, with bright pink skin and hair red enough to match.
"Well this has been fun gentleman, lady, and," she gestured at cultists, "you...lot, but I've got a business to run so I'll be-" she stopped as the spell book suddenly tried to leap from her hands, "SHIT!"
She grabbed it and held on desperately as whatever spell she had used seemed to turn on the book. Wendy watched as Mysterion shuffled oddly and pulled out of his cloak. He fidgeted for a moment before tossing something toward the shapeshifter.
For a moment, nothing happened save a faint hissy-rattling noise, before the fireworks erupted into light and sound.
The shapeshifter screamed, letting go of the book to slam her hands over her ears, and everything dropped.
Wendy hit the ground first, rolling to catch herself and grab her sticks. She slammed them into the shapeshifter's face before she could recover, throwing her back. She looked up, before suddenly disappearing.
"Shit!" Wendy looked around. The room almost seemed to reset itself, the tables and desks gently returned to their spots, though it seemed that the people around were not treated so gently, Stan and Kyle were in a pile with Professor chaos and his bot. Mysterion was a heap on the floor, gasping for air, while the few remaining cult members laid prone, "Where'd she go?"
Mysterion staggered to his knees, rubbing his neck as he listed to the side a little,
"Book," he gagged, "where's the book?"
The book had been tossed across the hall, and Wendy dove for it, snatching it up and waving it.
"Thank god!" Chaos sighed, before scooping up his bot, dropping the books miraculously still attached, "oh sweetie, I'm so sorry, I never wanted you to get involved with this,"
"Are you talking to the robot?" Wendy asked,
"Is there something WRONG with that?"
"It's a little weird dude."
----
Kenny really needed a drink. He listened to Informatrice and Chaos argue about speaking to robots as he stalked toward the still unconscious cultists, pulling out the zip ties he stashed in his cloak, and quickly tying the hands and legs of the cultists, keeping the four in place.
He relaxed, before turning around,
"what happened to the rest of the books?" he asked, struggling to stay fully upright still,
Kyle lifted his stack of books above his head, while Chaos pointed down at the pile of books at his side.
"I left my pile in the rafters in some random room," Informatrice shrugged, not looking up from her phone, "police are on their way, we should hurry, I'll go grab the books, Mysterion you go bring the others to the front desk and you two," She pointed at Stan and Kyle, "should be going now."
"With pleasure, Ma'am," Kyle stood, grabbing Stan's arm and walking off.
"Alright then," she turned back to Kenny, "Mysterion I'll meet you by the front desk, chaos I recommend you go too, consider letting you go, your thanks."
"And for me, that works!" Chaos smiled, passing Kenny his books, "see ya fella's later!"
Chaos disappeared, following Stan and Kyle out, not noticing the small wave Kenny gave,
-----
Kenny watched the cult members being led out in proper handcuffs from his vantage point crouched on the roof of a nearby building, Informatrice at his back.
"I wasn't kidding you know."
"What?"
"My girlfriend really wants to give you a new suit," Informatrice smiled down at him,
"Why?"
"A weird mix of curiosity and her fashion-forward nature." she snickered,
"Curiosity?"
"She's only ever seen your cloak." She laughed, "I think she wants to know if you have style or not."
Kenny looked down at the frayed white pants and old, pilled sweater that made his costume.
"I have a great sense of style." He smiled, before sighing, as the cop cars pulled away, "wanna call it for tonight?"
"Absolutely."