Chapter Text
It had been a couple of days, and Ken still wasn't quite sure how they'd gotten out of that mess.
One moment, he was sure they were going to jail. Or whatever the kid version of jail was. The next, Bosco was on the floor of Bob's walk-in fridge, cradling lumps of mincemeat, and Bob was... fine with it?
Between the five of them shouting various explanations at him, he eventually just groaned and let it go, and he and Courtney took their leave of that mess. As far as he was aware, none of the Belcher kids had been grounded or whatever. Sure, he hadn't left the house in a couple days - there were video games to play, after all - but nothing seemed out of order.
It was a bit of a miracle, he had to be honest. If anything had gone differently that day, they probably wouldn't have gotten away with it.
But then there was the big question mark hanging over it. How were they going to get back to the Mist World?
Pixellated explosions flashed past Ken's glassy stare, but the question stubbornly remained. If Bob's batch had dried up, how were they going to cross over? Did they even need to any more? Maybe if they couldn't cross over, no one could, and that meant no more murdering?
It was a bittersweet fantasy, if he was completely honest with himself. Go back to being an ordinary kid? Have no more engagement with the Mist World, or the monsters within? If it was over, he supposed it had to be for the better, because no one else would get thrown in there and hurt.
But even if something happened, was there any way they could know? Courtney could sense people, but as far as he was aware, only when they were in the Mist World.
It wasn't satisfying in any way, like closing a book before you got to the big plot twist, but it did feel like a chapter in his life was over. No more Mist World, no more life or death combat, and no more trouble with Bosco. It wasn't his fault if they couldn't get back there... was it?
In any case, the whole town in general seemed to have quietened down since they brought Rudy back. Louise was busy heading back and forth to Rudy's so he could at least contribute to their monster project, while the other Belchers seemed wrapped up in their own things, and he'd seen Calvin all of twice in as many days since it all blew over. Until something happened, he supposed he had to just... roll with it.
It was far from ideal, but it at least meant he had some actual downtime until something did happen.
Even for a kid though, having nothing worthwhile to do eventually got boring. Video games eased the boredom a little, but it was the same explosions, the same race tracks, the same results...
It was all the same.
With a sigh, Ken got out of the gaming go-kart and stretched. It was time to do something else.
After a shower and a snack to freshen up, he pulled on his sneakers, muttered a goodbye to Calvin, and went for a wander around town. It was a little after lunch, and the sun was high in the sky, but thankfully, enough cloud coverage and wind to keep things comfortable as he journeyed the obligatory couple of miles to Bog Harbour. For the most part, nothing about the dingy little town had changed. He was starting to recognise a few more faces here and there, from other schoolkids, to a few of their parents, some of Calvin's tenants, and just various residents of the town. Their attitude towards him was generally middling at best, as he was either the weird new kid at school, or the weird kid their landlord was looking after, but no one in this town seemed to have anything against him. And that was a relief.
Aside from an argument between a woman in fishnets and the guy in speedos over what sounded like mowing the lawn, in the middle of the day, It seemed like it was just another day in Bog Harbour. But with every constant came change, and it looked like the store next door to Bob's had changed hands again;
"Prose and Cons...?" Ken frowned at it. The name was confusing enough, but with an ensemble of scary looking thugs just standing around outside it, he thought better of investigating. Maybe they'd clear off later, and he could see what all the fuss was about.
Sidestepping the thugs, he swallowed down something painful and entered into Bob's Burgers, where the place was even emptier than usual. Even Teddy wasn't on his usual stool, and Bob was looking especially harassed about it.
"Uh..." He gulped. "Hey there, Bob."
It took a few moments for him to respond. "Oh. Hey there Ken. Good to see you buddy. You here for one of the kids? I can shout them down if you want?"
"N-no thanks, I just thought I'd see how everyone was first. Including... you?" Ken said. "Seems pretty quiet today, huh?"
"You're telling me," Bob groaned. He ran his fingers through his hair, leaving it sticking up in odd places. "I think it's the place next door. It's attracting all sorts of criminal types, and that's keeping paying customers away."
Ken glanced out the window, and immediately met the glare of some six foot tall bearded guy. Wearing a lot of dark, spiky clothes, he definitely wasn't someone you'd want to mess with, even if you were the sort that messed with people.
"Yeahah, it's not great," Bob said. "One of them came in about an hour ago, and asked about the Burger of the Day, but then got all annoyed when I tried to explain it to him. He just kicked Teddy's favourite stool and walked out again."
"I'd noticed that," Ken took another look at it. It had come off its hinges on one side, with the obvious scuff mark cleanly printed onto the leather. It would've been funny, if it wasn't scary. "So uh, what is the Burger of the Day?"
"O-oh!" Bob visibly brightened up. "Well, as long as you promise me you won't kick my stools, or my restaurant, or uh, me?"
Ken just shook his head fondly, and Bob managed a laugh. "Don't worry Ken, I know you're better than that. Today's is the ''Nduja Really Want to Hurt Me?' Burger. It's got 'nduja sausage, which is basically a salami from Italy. You can spread it on bread and stuff. I didn't get that far before the last guy walked out though. Did you... want one?"
Ken tilted his head in thought. The offer sure was tempting. Spicy burger? What wasn't to like?
It would've been a relatively safe way to test, and see if he really couldn't go back to the Mist World any more. Bob said that the old batch had ran out, but maybe it was a fluke? Maybe he still could?
Or maybe he was just dreaming. Maybe he just needed to let it rest for a while. At least for a couple of weeks.
"I uh," He began, only for the doorbell to tinkle, and a loud aura to invade their conversation. Immediately, visibly in shambles, a middle aged woman barged into the restaurant, crying her eyes out onto the countertop.
"My life is over!" She bawled. "And everyone should pay attention to me!"
"Oh uh, hi there Gayle." Bob couldn't even pretend to be happy. "So nice to see that you weren't scared away by the terrifying men outside."
He glanced over to the window, where an enormous, denim-clad beast of a man stared back in. And then slowly licked the window, not breaking his gaze with Bob's.
He visibly whimpered in response.
"Scary men are still men, Bob. I don't mind the attention." The woman - Gayle, apparently? - fluffed up her hair, making sure the man outside got a good look. "What's more important is that my life is over!"
"Oh yeah, that. And you decided that we all had to know, huh?" Bob frowned. "Oh, by the way Ken, this is Gayle. She's Linda's sister, and we all love her very much, got that Gayle?"
Gayle turned to face Ken, squinting at him as if she hadn't even noticed him before. He'd be the first to admit, he didn't have much of a presence, but surely she wasn't this airheaded?
"...you sicko, Bob." Gayle glared. "Parading your lovechild around like this. Have you no shame?"
"But Ken isn't-" Bob stammered, backing away under her fury. "I-I'll go get Linda. You just... stay here a sec, okay?"
Gayle's glare followed after Bob as he ducked into the kitchen, and Ken could hear the awkward clapping of clogs down the back hall.
"LIN!" His voice was all strained as he yelled upstairs. "Your sister's here...!"
At least two screams echoed back downstairs, and Ken felt the need to break the awkwardness. "Uh, Bob isn't my dad, by the way. I'm a friend of Gene's...?"
"Oh. That makes a lot more sense!" Gayle brightened up at his words. "Still..." her eyes narrowed again. "I'll have to see what my cats say about you first."
“I am thou,
Thou art I,
Thou hast acquired a new vow,
It shall become the wings of rebellion that breaketh thy chains of uncertainty,
With the birth of the Star Persona, I have obtained the winds of blessing that shall lead to freedom and new power…”
Ken just groaned internally. It was actually getting annoying now. Another member of Bob's family? And one who obviously didn't trust him? Plus, a mad cat lady no less?
He was gonna have to have words with Igor. Just how many more of these could there be? Also, what possible benefits could there be, forging an alliance - was that the words he used? - with Gene, Louise and Tina's crazy aunt?
Still, it could've been worse. Fate had clearly tied the two of them together, so he supposed he just had to ride this out and see what happened. He couldn't go to the Mist World any more anyway, so maybe the benefits of being 'friends' with a middle aged mad cat lady was simply having more friends.
His internal monologue burst like a balloon when Gene thundered into the restaurant, followed by his two sisters: Tina, in her ever-professional politeness; and a clearly begrudging Louise, only coming down at all because Linda had asked her, most likely.
"Ken!" Gene cried, bursting through the kitchen door and into the restaurant itself! "You're not Aunt Gayle!"
"That's because Aunt Gayle's Aunt Gayle, and she's over there." Tina pointed her out.
"Agh!" Gene screamed. "I mean, Agh....lo, Aunt Gayle! Wot's all this then?!" He recovered, in what Ken could only assume was a bad attempt at a British accent.
"Kids! You've come down to see me!" She cried obliviously, scooping Gene and Tina into a reluctant hug.
Louise remained conveniently just out of arm's reach.
"No hug, Louise?" Gayle simpered.
"I'm... all hugged out today, thanks Aunt Gayle," Louise averted her gaze.
"Yeahh! Watch!" Gene took his chance, and swooped, wrapping both arms around Louise's skinny body. She was effortlessly lifted from the ground, and he was subjected to a solid thirty seconds of kicking, screaming and punching before learning his lesson and putting her down again.
Ken just blinked. As always, life with the Belchers was anything but dull. Louise recoiled like a cat and hid behind Ken, while Gene, all battered and bruised, still seemed up for another round. He darted left as Louise dodged to the right, and Ken felt more like a roadblock than a family friend, but at least Gayle seemed amused by their antics. Maybe this would inspire her trust in him, he shrugged.
With the surrounding green and yellow tornado making him feel a little ill, and Tina still putting up with Gayle's hug despite herself, things were quickly becoming just a bit too much for Ken. He just wanted to say hello, maybe goof off with the Belcher kids for a few hours before dinner, but now he'd been sucked into... whatever this was.
"Gayle...!" Linda burst through the restaurant door, a flurry of worry. "What's wrong, honey? Was there somethin' you - oh hi, Kenny Benny!" She immediately changed tack upon noticing Ken. "Wow, we got lotsa guests today."
"Yeah, all two of them, mom!" Louise cried, ducking underneath Gene's lunge and escaping the hug attempt at last, then disappearing behind Linda and hissing at him like a cat. It was Ken who immediately suffered, receiving Gene's redirected hug in the form of a spear tackle.
"...hey there Gene." He gasped, the air in his lungs sent packing as both of them crashed to the floor.
"I missed... you...!" Gene cried, squeezing ever tighter, and Ken could've sworn he felt something snap in his midriff.
"It's only been a couple of days," Ken wrestled himself out of the hug, getting back up and filling his lungs with precious air.
"Yeah! And every day without Ken is like peanut butter without jelly, and I want everyone in the world to know that!" Gene cried. "Especially him!"
The guy outside the window rippled in response to Gene pointing at him, his eyes bulging ever wider.
"Gene, no," Bob shut it down, grabbing Gene by the scruff of his shirt. "Bad idea, buddy."
"But how will the world know?" He demanded.
"I'm sure they won't care," Bob deadpanned. "And to prove it, I'm gonna shut the store for a few hours, maybe 'til the dinner rush. Who wants to stay and watch a movie? Ken? Gayle?"
Ken just shrugged, but Gayle didn't seem too impressed. "Oh, I dunno Bob, movies are kinda boring. How am I supposed to panic if I'm watching a movie?"
"I can panic while watching a movie." Tina put her hand up
"And we've got movies with cats in them...?" Bob's voice rose tantalisingly, and Louise groaned audibly in the background.
"Well that's not very sensitive of you Bob, it would just make me miss my cats more." Gayle put her hands on her hips. "But sure!"
"Looks like we're watching a cat movie." Bob put a lazy fist into the air. "It limits our options, but there's a few!"
"Dad!" An annoyed sounding Louise grabbed at his arm and physically dragged him down to her level. Hushed angry whispers bubbled between the two of them while Gayle just blinked obliviously, Linda sighed, and the other two siblings looked just as clueless as Ken felt.
"Look Louise, I don't like it either. Just loophole your way through like you normally do." Bob hissed, and seemingly didn't care who heard him any more. "...yay, cat movie!"
"Cat movie!" Louise parroted, marching out of the restaurant and up the stairs. Others followed, with Linda and Gayle followed by Gene and Tina, then Ken took up the rear while Bob locked the restaurant, taking a moment to exchange a glance with the scary thug in the window.
"Please don't break my windows." His voice quivered up the stairs, and suddenly the restaurant was just an ordinary house for a few hours. No burger grease wafting through the apartment, however tempting. No stressed out Bob cursing over the stove. No Teddy, rambling about anything and everything as he barrelled through Bob's entire stock of burgers. It was... almost bizarre.
Of course, Teddy had only been replaced with Gayle, so it was no quieter as she sniffled to Linda about romance and love or something, but it was at least a different topic to tune out instead of what size wrench should be used to tighten which nut, or how carmine was the superior toolbox colour.
Belchers and guests shuffled into the living room, positioning themselves around the saggy old couch, with the kids on the floor and Ken flanked by Belchers at every angle, meanwhile Louise returned a few minutes later, armed with an ancient looking video tape and a devious smile.
"The uh, 'Goblin-Cat'," Bob frowned at the peeling cover. "Oh yeah, I love this one."
"A Goblin-Cat? What's that?" Gayle frowned.
"It's like one of those cats that's real scrungly, so they thought it was a goblin," Louise dismissed, feeding the tape into the VCR. "It's kinda cute, in an ugly way."
"Like me!" Gene threw both hands into the air.
"Y-yeah, like Gene." Louise didn't miss a beat. "Cautionary tale, y'know? Don't get it wet, don't play rap music in front of it, don't feed it salami after midnight, you know the drill..."
"But do do all of those things to me!" Gene tacked on.
"But Gene, you're always wet and covered in salami." Tina added.
"I am not!" He started, before itching his back. "Oh hey, maybe I am!" He cried, as something fell loose. Ken made sure to look away at that point. Gene was disgusting at the best of times, but eating old food that he'd just found? That fell off of him, no less? Hard pass.
Thankfully, Linda had supplied them with a bowl full of 'snacks'. Ranging from pretzels to popcorn to chocolate dots, gummi worms, and one suspicious looking blob in the centre, it nevertheless kept the hands busy every few moments as their movie warmed up. Aged through streaks of silvery distortion flitting across the screen, it had clearly been watched hundreds of times, and Louise's relief was palpable and obvious as the film's actual title was obscured by more distortions.
In any case, it seemed like an ordinary low budget horror, where a young girl finds her 'cat' in a shady looking pet store. The most wizardy looking guy ever spoke in depth about the warnings and guidelines, hammering in the 'don't feed it salami after midnight'. Apparently any other meat was fine?
Ken frowned. Why was salami the only bad meat? And why only after midnight? It was a crappy horror movie, he got that, but that sounded a little too specific.
Maybe that was a security thing, be shrugged. Having a really specific trigger would make it so much harder for someone else to accidentally stumble across it, and-
"I had a cat like that once, his name was Bojangles." Gayle blurted out, and Ken's thoughts dissolved into nothing, replaced with the grainy image of Gayle getting clawed at by some scaly creature.
"Oh yeah, I remember Bojangles!" Linda chimed in. "He used to eat pickles huh?"
"That's the one," Gayle said. "He screamed when I hugged him too. Had to convince the police I wasn't murdering anyone! But then they stopped visiting..."
"Wait," Louise tipped her head back, resting it against Linda's thigh. "Aunt Gayle had a weird cat, and I wasn't informed?"
"Oh, this was years ago, before you were even born, Louise!" Linda chuckled. "In fact, I think I got a picture of him somewhere. Remind me later and I'll dig it out, alright?"
"Interesting..." Louise muttered, and her attention wavered back to the movie, where of course the heroine of the story had just fed her cat salami at three in the morning. Foaming at the mouth, her cat scattered around the apartment, knocking some things other while tearing through others, all the while growing slowly larger and more evil looking. The girl, in all her stupidity, just stood there as it tore the place up, managing nothing more than a scream as it lunged at her. But as the beast leered over her, drool slobbering about everywhere, there was a flicker of recognition in its eyes, and instead it dashed away, crashing through the window of her apartment. There was roaring, shrieking, and slashing about as it inevitably fell three storeys to the ground, and an off screen car swerve said it all.
The girl just laid there, unresponsive. Wiping drool from her face, she got back up and found all of her acting ability, staring wistfully out the shattered window.
'THE END... OR IS IT?' bled into the screen, and slowly floated upwards, followed by ending credits.
"Uh huh. That's how Bojangles went too." Gayle didn't sound the least bit surprised, and Ken wasn't the only one to shoot her a confused look. Met with several baffled stares, she just shrugged, "Well how was I supposed to know he didn't like dresses? He scratched it to bits and jumped out the window."
"But importantly didn't get run over by a car, right?" Tina quivered.
"How am I supposed to know? I'm not a psychic, Tina." Gayle scoffed.
"But couldn't you just look out the window?" Gene said.
"Oh yeah, I guess I could've, huh?" Gayle tilted her head.
"Anyway...!" Bob sighed, lurching up from the couch. "It's almost time for the dinner rush. Who wants to help out?"
Shockingly, none of his three kids volunteered, meanwhile Linda was three glasses deep, and Gayle obviously had no reason to help. So Ken supposed he did.
"I'll give it a shot I guess."
"Atta boy, Ken!" Bob visibly brightened at his words. "See? At least someone here likes me!"
"Wow, sucks to be someone." Louise scoffed, "No offence, Ken."
"Oh, we like you Bobby," Linda slurred. "But sometimes opening the restaurant is like a boring can of farts."
"Speaking of which..." Gene grinned, and suddenly it was time to vacate the sitting room.
Between Tina's mumblings of how she could really relate to the movie's protagonist, Linda cackling between glasses of wine, and Louise finding a way to make things fun, it at least felt like a day well spent, even if it was just watching a silly film with company.
The thugs outside had finally taken their leave by the time he and Bob had gone downstairs, and instead it was Teddy pressed against the window looking harassed. Bob could barely unlock the door before he burst through and took his usual seat, not even complaining about it being on the lean now.
Burger meat sizzled on the grill, and suddenly things felt normal once again. Taking orders as they came in, making sure his writing was legible, and learning just how disgusting 'nduja sausage looked, a reddish brown paste that was smeared all over the burgers, it sure was good to feel useful again, even if it didn't involve combat in the Mist World. Doing waiter stuff and getting free burgers for it was definitely a way to spend his year.
Louise stormed downstairs after ten minutes or so and started bussing tables ('Gene farted again.'), and while business in the restaurant chugged ahead, Ken's reward showed him the good side of 'nduja, namely the taste. Pretty much salami, but in spreadable form. What's not to like, he shrugged approvingly.
Salami... he muttered internally. Something about that 'cat' movie resonated with him. He couldn't quite grasp at what that was, but there was definitely something there, just out of his reach.
"I might wanna watch that movie again sometime," he muttered to no one in particular.
"That's the spirit!" Louise slapped him on the back, having conveniently overheard him. "Sure, it's awful, but kinda good at the same time? Is there a word for that?"
"My ex-wife Denise." Teddy muffled through a mouthful of burger, and Louise rolled her eyes. "Sure Teddy. Sounds about right."
The restaurant was clearing out after an hour or so, and the skies were slowly darkening, so Ken bid his goodbyes. With dusk on the horizon and Fischoeder mansion slowly encroaching, Ken had a lot to mull over.