Chapter Text
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Blitzø stood below Stolas' balcony, scared out of his mind. He wanted so badly to run away, to go home and try to forget his problems, but he knew that if he did that, nothing would change and things needed to change. He couldn't go on like this. Not if he wanted to be truly happy. Blitzø took a long, deep breath. 'You can do this,' he told himself. 'No matter how Stolas reacts…it'll be okay.' He stared up at the soft glow coming from inside the bedroom. The light looked so warm and inviting that the knot in his gut loosened slightly. 'Okay. Here goes nothing.' The imp launched himself at the wall and scurried up with practiced ease. Each time he did this, he thanked Satan he had been raised amongst acrobats. Otherwise he likely would have slipped and cracked his head on the pavement the first time he'd tried. He let out a sigh as he landed safely on the balcony and looked through the stained glass windows for the familiar shape of the prince, spotting him on the same couch they'd had their talk. 'Okay… Okay, deep breaths, Blitzø. You can do this.' Slowly, he raised his hand and knocked.
Stolas startled at the sound. It was soft; nervous. Were his hearing not so sensitive, he likely would have missed it. The prince placed the book he'd been attempting to read down on the couch next to him and stood, heart clenching anxiously. There was only one person who ever visited him this way… He opened the balcony door to find his former lover standing there. "Blitzø?" he asked, confused.
"Heeeey, Stolas," Blitzø said as casually as he could. "Can I, uh…" He coughed before continuing. "Can I come in?"
"Oh!" the avian exclaimed, heart pounding in his chest. "Oh, yes! Of course!" The prince stepped aside to allow the imp entrance. Once Blitzø was inside, Stolas closed the door behind him. The two stood there, awkwardly staring at one another for a long while before the prince finally plucked up the courage to ask, "What are you doing here?"
Blitzø breathed deeply, taking in the man before him. Stolas looked exhausted. His feathers stuck out at odd angles, as though he hadn't preened that day, and fresh tear tracks stained his face plate. Seeing him like this made the imp cringe with obvious guilt.
"N-not that I'm not happy to see you!" Stolas tittered nervously, clearly misinterpreting the reason for the other man's expression. "I am! I'm just…surprised," he finished quietly, suddenly feeling vulnerable.
'Fucking say something!' Blitzø's mind screamed at him. "I came," he began with the usual edge to his voice before stopping himself. Fuck, this was hard. "I came to say I'm sorry," he said, more gently.
Stolas stared at him in confusion. "But you already apologized-"
"That half-assed apology doesn't count!" he insisted, forcing his gaze up once again. Stolas titled his head to one side; a motion Blitzø always found incredibly cute. He felt his heartbeat speed up at the sight and pushed forward. "I fucked up, bad, and you deserve a real apology for everything I put you through."
"Alright," Stolas said, voice small.
Blitzø took another deep breath before saying, "All of this is my fault. I never should have slept with you in the first place." At the hurt look on Stolas' face, Blitzø quickly shouted, "No! I didn't mean-! Fuck!" He closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around himself in a desperate bid for comfort. "I'm no good at this…"
"It's alright," Stolas assured him. "Take your time. There's no rush."
Blitzø's heart ached with emotion. Even now, when the owl demon clearly felt like shit and Blitzø was fucking up so terribly, Stolas still found it in him to be kind and comforting.
'You don't deserve him,' the voice in his head reminded Blitzø cruelly.
And it was right. He didn't deserve someone as caring and patient as Stolas, but God damn it, he wanted to be worthy of the prince's affections and in order to do that, he needed to put in the work.
He tried again.
"The first time I slept with you, it was out of pity," he admitted, not looking at Stolas out of fear that he wouldn't be able to keep going if he did. "I was gonna just grab the book and go, but your choice of words, the way you said them…they tugged at my heartstrings, ya know?" The corners of his mouth lifted in a tiny smile before quickly fading. "Still, it wasn't right and I knew it wasn't right at the time and I still…did it." Satan, saying it out loud made him feel like a piece of shit. "And I won't lie, you constantly pestering me for sex afterwards really fucking annoyed me, but my business depended on us having access to the book, so I bit the bullet and took the deal. I put up with your constant sexual harassment and you talking down to me." He heard a slight intake of breath from Stolas and quickly continued before he could interrupt. "Whether or not it was playful! It still…it still stung, okay?" Blitzø sighed "Look…I know I'm below you in this stupid fucking heirarchy. I don't need constant reminders of that." He shook his head slowly. "The sex was always good, though. I lie to myself about a lotta shit every Goddamn day, but I couldn't lie about that. You're fucking gorgeous and while you're inexperienced, you're an extremely responsive lover. I found myself getting excited, despite my doubts about everything and, 'This is only for the book,' turned into, 'It's just sex. Only sex.' And I convinced myself that was true for a long time, until…" Looking back on everything, Blitzø knew the exact moment things changed. "Until the Harvest Moon Festival."
"I thought," Stolas interjected, voice barely above a whisper. "At least, it seemed like my behavior at the Festival annoyed you…in hindsight."
"It did," Blitzø confirmed. "It made me uncomfortable as fuck, but that's not what I'm talking about." When Stolas remained silent, he continued. "After the Pain Games, I went back to Millie's parents' house and found Striker aiming a sniper rifle at you." His voice shook slightly as he finally looked back up at Stolas. "An angelic sniper rifle."
Stolas' eyes widened at this. There had been a serious attempt on his life? A spark of emotion lit in his chest; a combination of hurt and anger. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I-..." Blitzø gulped, recognizing the emotion in Stolas' voice and feeling scared shitless. "I thought we could take care of it. The gang and I have been keeping an eye out for him since the Festival ended."
"That was months ago, Blitzø!"
The imp flinched at the anger in Stolas' voice.
"What if you don't capture or kill him in time and he breaks into the palace?! What if he hurts Via?!"
"Fuck...Stolas, I…" He hadn't thought about that. Blitzø lowered his head and tail in shame.
"This is highly irresponsible, even for you!"
A wave of the old familiar anger rose in Blitzø's chest and he finally snapped. "Fuck, I know, alright?! Just add it to my long list of fuck ups!"
Whatever response Stolas had lodged in his throat at the sight of tears in the imp's eyes.
"I'm sorry, okay?!" he said, voice trembling as he fought hard not to let his tears fall. "But the point I'm trying to make is…seeing that rifle aimed at you, it…it fucking terrified me. At the time, I thought the anger I felt towards Striker was betrayal. After all, I'd just offered him a fucking job and there he was, about to kill my easiest ticket to the living world. Anger made sense. But after he ran off, I started having nightmares. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw you lying on that stupid stage with a bullet in your head and I'd wake up screaming. I just keep thinking, if I'd gotten there a second later than I did, you'd be…" Blitzø's claws pinched through his coat sleeves. "I still have that nightmare sometimes…" he whispered.
"Oh, Blitzø…" Stolas breathed out gently, anger ebbing away. "I wish you'd told me sooner. We could have solved this problem together."
Together.
That word lifted Blitzø's spirit before reality set in, bringing it crashing right back down. He let out a low huff. "There's no way in Heaven or Hell I would've told you back then," he stated bluntly. "I didn't even tell Loona at first, but she was so sick of waking up to my screams every night that she forced me to talk about it. Even after I said what was bothering me out loud, though, I'd always make the same fucking excuse. That the dream scared me because your death would mean the end of I.M.P.; of everything we had worked so hard for. I told that lie so often, I almost believed it. But then the humans who caught me and Mox drugged us and I-"
"They what?!" Stolas went stiff with anger and a hint of that formidable power Blitzø had seen that day flared to life in the prince's eyes.
"It's okay!" Blitzø said quickly, hands held up in an attempt to pacify the clearly upset Goetia. "The drug didn't hurt us! Well…not physically, at least." The look in Stolas' eyes took on a curious edge and Blitzø took a very long, very deep breath. He had hoped to take this information with him to the grave, but he wanted to be honest with Stolas, and that meant telling him everything. Even… "It made us hallucinate. Moxxie saw some weird Phantom of the Opera shit and I…" Blitzø felt panic rise in his chest. 'Fuck,' he thought. 'Okay…okay, one step at a time.' He sighed. "I'm…honestly not ready to talk about it yet, but what I saw played over and over again in my mind afterwards and I think I finally know what it means."
In his mind's eye, he saw himself crawling up a gilded staircase towards his then lover. A strange longing had filled his heart at the beautiful vision of Stolas on his throne.
"A part of me, deep deep down, wanted to get closer to you."
Manacles encased his wrists and neck. He felt a tug on a gold chain as the prince brought him closer; a slave before his Master.
"But…I never felt like we were on equal ground. I felt like I was just a toy that you'd toss away when you got bored of me, and when you saved us, what you said to those humans confirmed it." He expected Stolas to protest, but when Blitzø looked up, he saw the prince's head lowered in shame and a sick feeling filled his heart. "You didn't mean what you said…did you?"
"I…" Stolas sighed, taking a moment before continuing. "When that part of me comes out, certain primal aspects tend to take over, one of them being an intense possessiveness. Deep down, I saw you as mine and thus when you were threatened, it reacted accordingly. It isn't something I'm proud of, but I won't deny it."
Blitzø subconsciously bared his fangs.
"But please know, Blitzø," Stolas stated desperately, "I do not see you as an object."
"What am I then?" he asked, his tone an odd combination of anger and fear.
"You're someone I care for very much," came the prince's immediate response, soft and almost scared.
Blitzø felt something twist deep within his heart. Immediately his mind began sorting through his memories, looking for anything that might contradict the prince's words, but instead he realized something he hadn't before. Every time Stolas had been with him, the man had seemed genuinely happy. Memories flashed by of countless smiles and tittering laughter, followed by ever more gentle caresses and attempts to be closer to him; not just physically, but emotionally as well. Movie nights, trips to the coffee shop, late nights spent talking while passing a cigarette between them. Not to mention, the man was constantly showering him with gifts. No… There wasn't a doubt in his mind that Stolas cared for him and this knowledge made his heart soar. That is until another, far worse memory tainted his happiness. "Then why…?" He swallowed the lump in his throat and looked up at the prince, all his fears and doubts showing clearly in his eyes. "Why did you hide your face?"
Finally it had come to this. After weeks of ignoring the problem, they were going to confront what had happened at Ozzie's.
Stolas hugged himself, as Blitzø had, in an attempt at inner calm and comfort. That night was one of the worst of his life and now he had to face it. "When Asmodeus showed me that vision, I…" His grip tightened and he looked away. "I saw my worst fear realized. That by chasing my own happiness, I was inadvertently pushing Octavia away." He looked back at the imp, tears welling in his eyes. "Before you came back into my life, she was the only reason I had for living. She's my light, my world. If I lose her, I-…I don't know what I'd do." The tears began falling outside of his control and he curled in on himself, the pain in his heart too much for him to bear.
"Whoa! Hey!" Blitzø cried, rushing forward with arms held out to steady him.
"I couldn't stand the look in her eyes," Stolas whispered, covering his face with his hands. "I was so ashamed, I hid."
"Wait…" Blitzø said, confused. "You weren't hiding because you were ashamed to be seen with me?"
Stolas looked up at him, shocked. "What?! Of course not! I hid because I was ashamed of myself and how my actions may have affected my daughter."
Blitzø wanted with all of his heart to believe him, but the fucked up voice in the back of his mind wouldn't stop insisting Stolas was lying. He just had to be. It didn't make sense, otherwise.
Stolas lowered himself to his knees and gently placed his hands on the smaller man's shoulders. "Blitzø…think back. Has there ever been a time when we've gone out in public and I've acted ashamed to be seen with you?"
He already knew the answer, but Blitzø couldn't help pushing the issue. "You should be," he said, looking down. "Everything Fizz and Verosika said about me is true." It was hard for him to admit, but he couldn't lie to himself any longer. "I'm a terrible person and…" He sighed. "And you deserve better." Blitzø felt the prince's grip on him tighten along with his heart. There. He'd said it. And now Stolas would abandon him, just like everyone else in his life.
"It's true, I don't know much about you outside of our short time together," Stolas admitted. "But the Blitzø I know and the Blitzø they spoke of are two very different people in my mind." Slowly, tentatively the prince moved his hands up Blitzø's neck to his face. The imp's eyes snapped up to look at him, full of disbelief and fear. "The Blitzø I know is brave and passionate and fiercely, fiercely loyal. There's a fire inside you that burns brighter than any star." He stroked the scarred half of Blitzø's face gently with the edge of his talons, causing the smaller man to blush. "That fire is what attracts me to you. You're so wild and free, and you refuse to be tamed. I admire you for that."
Blitzø pulled away from the affection. "But…" he stated lamely, shaking his head, "I'm not any of those things."
Stolas moved closer and continued stroking his beloved imp's face. Blitzø, despite everything, couldn't help but lean into the touch. "Oh, darling…" he sighed. "I wish you could see yourself the way I do."
Blitzø looked up at him, pain shining in his eyes. It was clear he'd been hurt many times throughout his life and desperately wanted to avoid getting hurt again. Without a second thought, Stolas leaned forward and lightly rubbed his cheek against the imp's in a clear sign of comfort and affection. Blitzø froze. His first instinct was to push the owl away and call him a liar, but the deepest part of him could tell that the man was being genuine. 'He loves me…' Blitzø realized, tears springing to his eyes. "Y-you love me," he croaked out loud. Speaking those words opened the dam in his heart and he collapsed, sobbing, into the prince's arms.
Stolas caught the imp, pulling him into a tight embrace. "Yes, Blitzy," he whispered, tears filling his own eyes once again. "I do. I love you very much."
Blitzø wailed, years of sorrow escaping him in a single massive sound. All the emotions he had pushed down over the past three decades crashed through him, tearing down the walls he'd built around his heart in the process. He cried. He cried and cried until he could barely breathe. All the while, Stolas rocked him, the motion slow and soothing.
"There, there, Blitzø. You'll be okay," he assured him.
The imp let out a final shuddering breath before darkness took him.
X
Blitzø woke to the feeling of sunlight hitting his face. He covered his eyes with a hand to protect them from the glare before sitting up with a groan. There was a small weight in his chest, but other than that, he felt lighter than he had in years. 'Well, whaddya know? My therapist was right. Crying does help.' He stretched his back before casually looking down at Stolas, who was lying next to him, fast asleep. Slowly, he reached a hand out and ran his claws through the prince's head feathers. He still couldn't believe that this gorgeous, amazing, wonderful man loved him. It just didn't feel real. And yet there he was, by Blitzø's side, as he had been for the past year. There was no denying it now, and there was no denying how he felt, either. Somehow, some way, this rough and tumble imp assassin had fallen for the soft, kindhearted Goetia prince. He smiled softly down at the man as he began to stir. Four red eyes slowly opened, looking up at him.
The prince returned his smile. "Hello, love," he whispered.
Blitzø felt his face go hot at the endearment. Normally such a word would cause him to run away, but instead, he stayed. He was done running away from his happiness. It was time to run towards it. He continued stroking those soft-as-sin feathers as he replied, "Hey."
"How are you feeling?"
"Better," Blitzø replied. "Way better, actually. Thanks to you."
Stolas shook his head. "I can't take all the credit. You're the one who came to talk to me, after all."
Blitzø startled at this revelation. He was so used to doing the wrong thing that when he did the right thing, he barely noticed. "Huh… I-...I guess you're right."
The prince wrapped his arms around his beloved, holding him close. "Thank you."
"For what?" Blitzø asked, glancing up at the man through a face-full of feathers.
"For putting in the effort. It means the world to me. You mean the world to me, Blitzø."
Blitzø had a feeling the white side of his face was now just as red as the rest of it. He buried his face in the prince's chest floof before mumbling, "Same."
"What was that, Blitzy?"
He hated how quickly his heart sped up at that stupid nickname. Taking a deep breath, Blitzø looked into Stolas' eyes. "I said, same. You…mean the world to me, too." Seeing a blush appear on the prince's face, his confidence grew and he pushed forward. "I don't know if I'm ready to say…those words yet, but…I wanna make this, make us, work."
Stolas' heart swelled with happiness. He leaned down, kissing Blitzø softly. Blitzø, who cared about him; Blitzø, whom he loved. He had waited nearly two decades for this man. He supposed he could wait a little longer. For now, this was enough.
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