Chapter Text
The silence was deafening.
Upon their arrival, Loki had expected a lot of things- screaming, fighting, perhaps Banner's Hulk making an appearance. In this timeline, there were very few redeeming qualities that the Avengers knew about Loki. Only Thor had any faith in them, despite the countless amount of times they had taken advantage of it, and even then, he knew what they were capable of.
But they had not quite been expecting… well, whatever this was.
Bruce was aggressively looking through the first aid kit Mobius kept in the house, shoving any useless items aside. It was clear he was frustrated, and the slight green of his neck wasn’t exactly subtle. Considering the last time Loki had seen him green, they weren't exactly begging to approach him first; instead, they kept to the edge of the bedside where Thor was resting.
Loki was not particularly worried for Thor’s health. Ultimately, he was a god, and it would take much more than a short fall to thoroughly damage him. Especially knowing the countless battles and pranks Thor had gone through throughout the years, Loki knew that head injuries were no stranger to him. (Many of those injuries were due to Loki’s pranks and mischief, too, and knowing the consequences of their actions, they had learned to care for those injuries far before they learned anything of more importance.)
What Loki was worried about were the Avengers- specifically Bruce- and their reactions to the cabin.
It wasn’t as though they were ashamed of the life they led now. The mundane domestic life they lead now was something that Loki had never regretted moving forward to. In fact, there was a certain pride that Loki felt when people other than B-15 and Sylvie could see the life they lead. After everything that had happened on the sacred timeline and beyond it, the sudden lack of chaos was… surprisingly refreshing. They finally felt like they could stop and breathe, rather than prove their assets to everyone around them. Besides, when all was said and done, they knew their own worth better than anyone else- and the most important people in their life knew it, too.
Having a life where they were content with themself was so much better than where they were before.
But Loki had always wondered what Thor would think of it. There were very few people they considered to be close to them, and on that very short list, his brother was included. Miraculously, the list had expanded, and more people were being let into his life every day. But Thor was one person that Loki knew they could never get back; Thor was someone they knew would never be a part of their life again.
And then suddenly, the Avengers crashed into their backyard, and Loki suddenly felt trapped by the past.
What were they supposed to do, now that their life had come back to haunt them? What was Loki supposed to do, now that their brother was actually here?
“Are you just going to sit there?”
Loki was startled out of their thoughts by the cutting edge of Bruce’s voice. They winced at his death glare and crossed arms, the few serviceable items in the first aid kit sitting next to him.
“No,” Loki began hesitantly. “Of course not. I’m sorry, I simply got lost in my thoughts. Will you hand me the fresh gauze?”
Bruce raised his eyebrows, his expression clearly stating, “You were lost in thought?” But he reached for the gauze anyway and walked over to Thor’s bedside. His guise softened into that of a worried friend as he stared at Thor.
Or, apparently, not a friend.
Loki was truly curious about that. In their timeline, they had few interactions with Banner (other than the embarrassing and traumatic ones that they would rather not think about in his presence). But they weren’t sure they ever noticed the budding romance between their brother and Bruce.
Desperate to cease looking uncaring in front of Banner, Loki focused on Thor.
They started simple by wrapping the fresh gauze around Thor’s head. The first step was always to prevent bleeding and put pressure on the wound. But Loki felt themself hesitate when it came to the actual healing magic.
It was simpler to do healing magic now than it was in their youth. But after years of not putting their healing to use, it was a little more difficult to remember the remedies to a head injury like this.
Loki seared their eyes shut in an attempt to focus. Putting their hand over Thor’s head, they let the magic pool into their hands and concentrate into their palm. This will work, they thought, and tried to-
“Wait, are you trying magic?” Bruce interrupted.
Loki groaned as they lost focus. Putting a hand to their forehead, they said (with subdued frustration), “Yes, Banner. I’m not exactly a master in medicine. Magic is the only safe way I know to heal this injury.”
Bruce scoffed. “So, what, am I just supposed to trust you?”
“I suppose you will have to. Unless Mr. America is secretly a doctor?” They said, not being able to resist the comeback.
A voice suspiciously similar to Mobius told them that was a bad idea, but Loki already knew that.
They knew it wasn’t fair to say that. The last time Bruce had seen them, Loki had been trying to take over the world.
Under the influence of Thanos, who tortured them after being banished from Asgard by their own father.
Huh. Another voice, suspiciously sounding like both Mobius and Loki.
But even then, the Avengers hadn’t known that. Thor hadn’t known that, and he was Loki’s brother.
Before Loki could apologize, Bruce said, “Steve isn’t a doctor, but it’s not like he tried to dominate the city of New York, either.”
A flash of hot fury burned in their gut- they could hear the voices shouting curses in their head towards Bruce, began to feel the magic pool back into their hands. They didn’t let it take over, though, and took a deep, deep breath.
Loki sighed. “Look, I know that you don’t like me. I know that you have reason to hate me. I tried to take over New York, I murdered people of your kind- if you still trusted me after that, I would be worried for your sanity.”
Instantly, their own words reminded them of Mobius. The simple fact that, other than Thor, Mobius was able to see past their lies immediately was life changing. And for the first time, someone had seen past their lies and seen Loki, seen the desperately hurt and traumatized person that they were.
Norns, Loki would kill for him to be next to them for this conversation.
But Loki knew that Mobius was a one in a million shot for them. Mobius was a little insane for trusting them the way he did. He was always a little too trusting, in Loki’s eyes, but that was what had led them to each other, again and again. Now, Loki was at a place where they could admit: forgiving them would take time and effort. Loki was given a second change, and they knew that they weren’t going to fuck it up.
They trudged forward in their dialogue after clearing their throat. “But please, please know that I wasn’t in the right state of mind. Please know that I honestly wish that innocent people hadn’t got hurt. And I know that it doesn’t change the fact that I have done you harm, or that I’ve purposefully tried to hurt the people in my life- but know that I’m not that same person anymore. I haven’t been for a very, very long time, and I don’t ever intend on hurting anyone like that ever again. So please, let me heal Thor to prove it to you.”
Bruce continued to stare at them with suspicion. Clearly not convinced by their little speech, Loki sighed.
“If I try anything,” they started, “you know that I know you have the upper hand in all of this. If you can’t trust me, then trust that I would know better than to fight when I’m outnumbered.”
Bruce’s expression lightened a little. He opened his mouth before hesitating and closing it again. Then, he said, “Just know that I’m doing this because he’s in danger. The jury’s still out on whether or not to trust you with anything more than that.”
Loki grimaced, but knew that Bruce letting them help was the best they could take at the moment.
They closed their eyes, and summoned their magic to their hands yet again.
…
Tension still filled the air after their conversation.
For the moment, Loki was exhausted of magic. After a good thirty minutes of healing his wounds, they felt themself become drained of magic before they needed to take a break. In keeping up their illusion at the centerpiece of time, their magic was the level of a beginner. Making sure their illusion stayed where it was, upholding the multiverse, was difficult enough without having to heal their brother.
So for the moment, there was little that Loki could actually do to distract himself from the glaring stare of Banner.
It was a little eerie, how focused he could be. Loki felt sweat begin to form from his gaze and pretended like they were still tending to Thor’s wounds. Well- it was less of pretending and more of putting small bandages on miniscule cuts that hardly needed real attention. But it helped them avoid Bruce for a good few moments.
Finally, Bruce cut the tension in the air by speaking.
“Why did you…” he started. He quickly shut his mouth, looking unsure of what to say next.
Loki raised an eyebrow. “Why did I what?”
Trying to keep an open mind, they waited as Bruce got himself together.
He looked much more sure of himself when he looked Loki in the eyes next. “Why did you hurt him? Thor, I mean.”
Loki felt their eyes widen in shock. “Pardon- what?”
Bruce shook his head. “I don’t mean- look. Thor loves to talk about you. He adores you. He talks absolute shit about you, but you can tell that he loves the absolute shit out of you, too. Even when you were out slaughtering people, he defended you. So why in the world would you take your shit out on him?”
The flash of rage came back to Loki, trickling through like water through a breaking dam.
Bruce kept talking and stood up from the seat he had taken on the floor; his voice got louder with each word he said. “It wasn’t his fault that your dad was a total dick. He was comparing you all the time, he was constantly putting Thor above you, I get that. But I’ve heard so many stories of you stabbing him, tricking him, making him feel horrible-,”
“Look, Bruce,” Loki snapped, “I’ve been through enough of these talks to know how they end. If you’d like to get to your point, I’d appreciate it.”
His jaw tightened. But Bruce let out a deep breath and looked at Loki again.
They felt their nerves ease a little. Bruce was calming himself down willingly for Loki’s comfort. Despite having been through these conversations a million times before, it was difficult to go through them now when they knew that they couldn’t avoid the responsibility.
Bruce looked them dead in the eye.
“I… well. Thor has told me so much about you,” He started. “I know a lot about your history. What I want to know is that- Thor has believed in you your whole life. He stole your spotlight a lot, I understand that, and he was the favorite, which isn’t fair. But even if your father didn’t love you right, Thor did. He believed in you. So if Thor, your brother, one of the few people who was loyal to you to a fault, wasn’t enough to change you… what was?”
The silence returned. Bruce waited with bated breath for Loki’s response, not daring to speak.
In all fairness, Loki wasn’t sure of the answer.
Some part of them got angry at the accusations. When they were children, everyone, even their own father, had always preferred Thor over them. In their youngest years, they had been best friends. But over time- over decades of their father comparing the two of them, over decades of people beginning to disregard Loki as an heir to the throne- they began to grow apart. The worst part was that Thor never really seemed to understand why Loki felt the way they did.
But the other part knew of patience and understanding. Somewhere along the way, Loki had learned an emotional tolerance and patience they had never experienced before the TVA.
They understood that, through their anger, they had hurt people. Loki had hurt his brother. They knew that Bruce didn’t know anything about them; only that they had tortured their brother in their youth and took all their rage out on New York City. Bruce didn’t know this other version of them. He didn’t know of their sacrifice to save the multiverse.
In the wave of emotion Bruce’s speech brought, Loki felt the answer come to them, slowly but surely.
They began slowly in order to get the story right.
“I had to face a lot of the difficult choices I had made when I was at the TVA. Well, you wouldn’t know the Time Variance Authority… I’ll explain another time. But in an attempt to get me to cooperate while in captivity, the man you saw in the hallway- Mobius- showed me my decisions in life. I had to face that. I had to face the decisions I made, the ones I had made based on grief, and anger, and envy, and frustration. In your timeline, Thor does eventually get through to me. I may not have been perfect, but in the end, I accepted the love he was trying to give me. But I think that it was all a matter of… well. It was all a matter of time.”
They inhaled deeply before continuing.
“Thor was the symbol of everything I couldn’t get in my family: attention, love, the throne. Everyone always prefered him over me. And you didn’t know Thor before he was sent down to Earth- he was a cocky bastard. So in my eyes, no matter how brilliant I was, he would always outshine me. He was what stood between me and the love I seeked. I don’t think I was ready to accept that Thor wasn’t doing it on purpose. I don’t think I was ready to accept that he loved me, truly, unlike my father. I don’t think I was ready to change, period. But after the Battle of New York- my Battle of New York- Mobius… he asked me if I enjoyed hurting people. He asked me questions no one had ever thought to ask me. You ask why Thor couldn’t change me- it was because his love wasn’t the only thing I needed. I needed to confront myself and my actions before I was able to- to change. Mobius asked the questions I was too angry to ask myself. Then, after betraying him, fighting with him and… eventually falling in love with him,” Loki said hesitantly, noticing the way Bruce’s eyes widened slightly, “as well as finally meeting people who enjoyed being around me, I- I opened myself up for change. I met people who were able to see my scars, my flaws. That’s one thing Thor could never do- admit that, deep down, I wasn’t doing these things for fun. I was doing them because it was my hurtful way of lashing out. So… I do suppose what really changed me was someone finally forcing me to confront my actions, and people finally understanding and loving who I am.”
Loki watched Bruce process the information. They could see the information all trickling in, paving its path to understanding.
Loki smiled- perhaps the first time they had done so in his presence.
“For you, it’s been months, maybe a few weeks, since you last saw me. For me, it’s been actual, literal centuries. So trust me when I say that I have changed for the better. I understand that I have caused people pain- I understand that I had to lean on other people. So… I do apologize for snapping at you. But for me, these are assumptions based on things that happened long, long ago, and I have tried to put that past where it belongs- behind me. I do hope you understand.”
They bit their lip while waiting for Bruce’s response.
An awkward shrug replaced the unsure gaze Bruce was giving them.
“I’m happy here, by the way,” Loki said. “I wouldn’t think of sabotaging your happiness, either.”
Bruce nodded. “I get that. I mean, it’ll still be difficult to trust you and all. But yeah. I get it now.”
Loki’s smile grew wider at him. Bruce looked hesitant, but smiled back.
“Alright- now that this is all sorted out, can you hand me more gauze? The bleeding may have stopped, but it’s not a bad idea to apply pressure,” Loki said.
The next few moments were spent cleaning up Thor again, this time with less staring from Bruce. Instead, his attention was clearly directed at Thor, where his expression shifted into one of concern.
Loki felt another smile creep onto their lips. “Really?”
Bruce’s head whipped around to look at Loki, clearly not expecting the words. “What?”
They tilted their head towards their brother with a laugh. It turned out that they didn’t need to say anything, because Bruce seemed to get the hint quickly enough. He blushed and looked back at Thor, before remembering the conversation was about him and fiddled with the loose threads of his blanket.
“Is it that obvious?” He asked quietly.
“You are the only one of the Avengers who made sure that Thor was okay. You’ve been defending him for the few hours that you’ve been here, confronting his sibling about something oh so very few people know about. Mobius wouldn’t have known for ages about my history if he hadn’t looked through my files.”
“I’m sorry, your what?”
“Doesn’t matter,” Loki dismissed. “What matters is that you are close to my brother in a way very few actually are. It’s not difficult to see that you care for him- that he’s more to you than a friend.”
“I… yeah,” Bruce said softly with a smile. “Guess there’s no point denying it. I’m just used to hiding it.”
Loki furrowed their eyebrows. “Wait. You’re- hiding it? Oh, do not tell me you’re ashamed of my brother, because I swear to all the Norns, you would be an idiot-,”
“What are you talking about? I’m not ashamed of him!” Bruce quickly defended. “You’ve got the totally wrong idea.”
Their anger dissipated swiftly and Loki let out a sigh of relief. “Good. It wouldn’t be fair to him.” Then, they frowned. “Wait, if you’re not ashamed of him, why are you both hiding your relationship? I thought that, er, what do you Midgardians call it… I thought that the queer community had better rights than before.”
Bruce stared at them with a look of confusion. “I- relationship? We’re not- I mean, he’s not- we aren’t-,” He cleared his throat as a blush spread through his face. “We aren’t dating.”
Now they were even more baffled. “I’m sorry, are you saying that you know all this information- very personal information, by the way- about him, that you were the only Avenger who pushed to be in here with him, that you do have feelings for him- and you aren’t together?”
Bruce winced. “No. He doesn’t feel the same way.”
Loki frowned at him.
Vaguely, they were reminded of the way they felt back at the TVA. They hid behind the madness of all the multiverse just to get away from their feelings.
Bruce was exactly Thor’s type. It was easy to notice all the clever brunettes that caught Thor’s eye, considering most of Asgard would try to mimic whatever person he publicly courted. Loki had always been jealous of the way people were obsessed with him, but it was especially bruising to watch people change their entire personalities to fit his standards.
“Besides, I don’t even know if he’s gay.” Bruce’s words interrupted Loki’s train of thought. He shrugged, as if it were already a lost cause.
Loki scoffed. “Asgard is very different from Midgard. We don’t have the terms you all use when it comes to sexuality, nor do we have gay people as the minority. Asgardians also date different species that don’t have the same standards of gender that Midgard does. Thor has been quite interested in men in the past, alongside people who weren’t men or women, and alongside people who didn’t fit into the gender spectrum whatsoever. I have researched the terms you all use, and I think you’ll understand when I say that the term “gender fluid” comes the closest to describing my gender.”
Bruce blinked. “Oh. I’m sorry, I just assumed.”
“It’s fine. I didn’t tell you,” Loki said. “Again, we don’t have the same standards in Asgard. However, we do have the theme you Midgardians have of asking for pronouns. Mine are he/him, as of right now. Earlier, my pronouns were they/them.”
He nodded, and Loki switched subjects as fast as he could.
“Let me give you a bit of advice,” Loki said slowly. It’ll get through his thick head if I say it slowly. “Don’t be so quick to dismiss him potentially returning your feelings. Being open to the idea makes it much, much easier in the future to communicate. I never would have thought Mobius felt the same way if I hadn’t taken the shot that I did.”
“He’s a god, Loki.” Bruce looked down at his hands.
Loki shook his head. “Do not degrade yourself, or think you aren’t good enough, because Bruce Whatever-Your-Last-Name-Is-,”
“Banner,” He interrupted with a small smile.
“-Banner, you are a superhero. You are a scientist. You are one of the smartest, most successful people on Midgard. I’ve been around Midgard for many centuries, so trust me when I say you are a marvel of your generation. You are part of an elite team of superheroes that are practically unstoppable. You were chosen, Bruce. And even if you weren’t, I’ll say it again- you spent the last few hours protecting and defending your friend. You’re loyal and clearly insightful, if the comments you made about my father are anything to go on. My brother is lucky that he has someone like you that adores him so fiercely. He deserves it.”
I used to degrade myself like that. Think that I wasn’t what Mobius wanted. But then I talked to him and found out he felt the same insecurities about himself- which is quite mad, because he’s brilliant. And he is in my life now, as my husband,” Loki said with a little too much pride, “because I stopped trying to convince myself he deserved better.”
Talking about their love life was a vulnerability Loki wasn’t used to yet. They weren’t used to having a partner to show off, someone that wouldn’t be there for a simple party or a short night. It was new, for them, to have other people see such a private part of their life.
Getting a bit off track, he thought to himself.
Loki shrugged. “It’s not like I can say he cares for you in the same way. Truly, I have little knowledge of your interactions with him. But at the very least, don’t degrade yourself for his sake. No matter how Thor feels about you, he would never want someone close to him to feel like that.”
After his little speech, Loki felt a small bit of pride bloom in his chest. It wasn’t easy to get to the place he was in now. But words like these were words that truly gave him something to reflect on. These were the words he wished he could have heard when he was still pining for Mobius. These were the words he wished he had heard in his youth, when few of the gods and goddesses he fancied would ever return his feelings. Of course, projecting was probably not what Bruce needed, but- it was nice to think the words soothed him.
So the contentment lay in his chest as he awaited Bruce’s response.
But after moments of Bruce just staring at him blankly, Loki bristled.
Shit.
Loki stepped back slightly. “I apologize. I seem to have overstepped. I was…”
He trailed off. But to his shock, Bruce simply shook his head and grinned.
“You’re definitely not the Loki I knew.” His smile was sheepish and shy. Then, Bruce paused, looking slightly apprehensive.
“I’m happy for you.”
Another feeling nestled in his chest. Except this time, it was closer to happiness than anything else.