Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

“You should take better care of yourself, Hinata-kun.” Hinata hears Komaeda’s soft voice as he feels the latter’s smooth fingers gently pressing his skin at the same time. He was resting on his own bed, his torso on the soft mattress, and Komaeda was sitting by his side and helping him soothe his aching muscles.

He should have declined.

He really should have declined.

He knows he's enjoying the attention in ways that he shouldn’t—he won’t be able to deny that even if he recites in his head multiple times that he only agreed out of necessity—and he knows that if he keeps this up, he’ll just have more and more reasons to be guilty.

Especially when Komaeda’s hands seem to become even softer and softer with each second, and it’s becoming even difficult for Hinata to deny that he, in fact, wants this, and it just feels so right to be right here on this bed with Komaeda beside him, touching him, aiming to relieve him of the pain he's feeling—

He feels Komaeda’s hair lightly tickling the back of his neck, and he wonders why Komaeda is that close at the moment. For some reason, Komaeda seems to be dipping down, but Hinata can’t understand why he should. “Hinata-kun… I'm really worried about you.”

A pair of lips makes contact with his skin, and Hinata immediately jolts, turning around and sitting up in a matter of seconds. Komaeda was still sitting on his bed, massaging his own chin—Hinata must have inadvertently hit him when he moved.

“Hinata-kun, why did you move away?” Komaeda looks disappointed as he continues rubbing his chin. “What's wrong?”

“What do you mean ‘what's wrong’?” For some reason, none of Hinata’s body parts hurt anymore. “You… You just—”

“Oh, the kiss?” Komaeda blinks. “But last time, you even let me kiss you on the lips. I even straddled you. I don’t understand why a small peck on your nape will make you recoil now…”

So that’s it.

Hinata suddenly feels stupid.

He stopped having this kind of dream for a good while that he completely thought they'd stop for good. He can imagine what he looks like at the moment even without seeing a mirror. He probably looks stupid, back seemingly glued to the wall, his eyes wide with horror.

‘Komaeda’ looks offended, but he obviously tries to shake it off as he crawls towards Hinata. Hinata tries to move away again, but there was nowhere to go anymore. That’s why he does nothing but stare as ‘Komaeda’ straddles him just like he did in that other dream while wishing to wake up soon because he doesn’t want to accept that he's still having this kind of dream right now.

‘Komaeda’ still looks worried as he cups Hinata’s face, lightly pecking the latter’s lips afterwards. Hinata closes his eyes as ‘Komaeda’ kisses him again, longer this time—he doesn’t want to see this anymore because it’s too vivid, everything is too clear and believable, and he's so scared to believe that despite resolving in his waking life that he regrets these thoughts, he's still having them right now.

He feels ‘Komaeda’s’ tongue probing his mouth open and he doesn’t even resist anymore—can’t find the strength to resist—as his smooth hands caress Hinata’s torso, almost as if drawing invisible shapes on his skin. ‘Komaeda’s’ skin was warm, it’s scary how realistic the feeling of warmth is, and it becomes even warmer—burning—when ‘Komaeda’ slips a hand inside his pants.

That’s when Hinata finally pushes him away as firmly as he can.

No.

No, no, no.

He's not going to give in to this again.

He's going to fight this because he isn’t like that.

“Hinata-kun?” ‘Komaeda’ looks confused and hurt, mostly hurt, and it’s unbelievable how Hinata almost regretted his decision just because of that sight. “…Why are you rejecting me? Did I do anything wrong?”

“N-No, it’s not that, it’s just,” Goddamn his resolve for being too weak. “Look. We shouldn’t do this. We just shouldn’t.”

“Why not?” ‘Komaeda’ bites his lower lip. “Don’t you… want me anymore?”

“No, no, that’s not it,” Hinata closes his eyes again and ruffles his own hair. He doesn’t even stop himself from letting out an exasperated sigh. “I still do want you... okay? I don’t think I’ll stop anytime soon, but this is wrong. This is wrong.”

“Wrong?” ‘Komaeda’ repeats. He tries to inch closer again, but he stops when Hinata visibly tries to move back despite the futility of that action. “I see… You're disgusted with me now, aren’t you?”

“I already said no!” Hinata raises his voice. “Look… you're very important to me. You're all I could ever ask for… but you're not real. You're not real. I'm just making you up to comfort myself, and that’s not good. So just go away, please. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

There was the strong slap of guilt again when hurt shows up in ‘Komaeda’s’ face. “But Hinata-kun… you don’t understand.”

“Don’t understand what? I know that I'm just dreaming right now, and that’s all I need to know.” Hinata slowly shakes his head. “I'm not going to indulge in this anymore.”

“Hinata-kun,” ‘Komaeda’ says his name slowly. He moves closer again, this time, unaffected by Hinata’s apparent flinching. He places his hand on Hinata’s cheek as he speaks. “But I’ve been here, haven’t I? I’ve been here. I was the one with you, doing the things you want. You told me you loved me… and I loved you back. Tell me… what exactly is wrong with that?”

“Are you not listening?” Hinata pushes his hand away. “I said you're not real! That’s what makes this wrong! It doesn’t matter if you love me or if you do what I want because it’s not true!”

‘Komaeda’ frowns. He places his hand that was pushed away on his own chest as if Hinata’s mere pushing of him burned him. “So you prefer the other one over me, Hinata-kun? He doesn’t even notice you. He doesn’t even care. And if you ask me, I’d say that you're as good as separated… Why would you want someone like that?”

“Because at least he's true!” This is starting to get repetitive. This is just a dream, really, Hinata should know how to snap himself out of this and wake himself up, but for some reason, at the moment, he can’t. “He's true! You're not! That makes all the difference! Of course I’d choose him in a heartbeat!”

“But Hinata-kun,” Hinata hates how this ‘Komaeda’ sounds like the one tired with arguing. It’s almost as if it’s Hinata who's saying the ridiculous claims. “If you choose to be with me, if you choose me… I’ll be the real one for you. And isn’t that good enough?”

“W-What are you even suggesting?” Hinata doesn’t even need to look at a mirror to know that he looks horrified at the moment. “Are you saying that I should stay here forever? For obvious reasons, I won’t—”

“Yes.” ‘Komaeda’ cuts him off, smiling. The smile sends shivers down Hinata’s spine. “I am, in fact, telling you to stay here forever. Is there anything wrong with that, Hinata-kun?”

“What? Okay, I, I can’t even start—”

“I really think you're not fully grasping this, Hinata-kun.” ‘Komaeda’ sighs. “If reality sucks, then that’s unfortunate, isn’t it? But who's to say that you can’t make your own reality? Someone like you—yup, I'm sure that you're capable of that… This is the new reality that is being offered to you. Frankly, I don’t see a good reason to reject it.”

“I'm not going to listen to you whatever you say!”

“How disappointing.” ‘Komaeda’ crosses his arms. “You're being really unnecessarily stubborn, you know? What I'm suggesting is for your own happiness, after all.”

“You're wrong!”

“Hinata-kun, you're the one who's wrong.”

“No, I know I'm not wrong, and nothing you say will change my mind!”

‘Komaeda’ giggles. Hinata never knew that the time will come when he’d badly want to wake up while seeing Komaeda in a dream. Hinata never knew that the time will come when he’d rather not hear Komaeda’s laughter. “So that’s how you want to play…”

“You know, it’s such a shame, Hinata-kun.” He continues speaking. “I would have chosen you, you know. I would have fought for you. But it seems that you're giving up on me.”

“I'm not giving up—”

“Yes, you are!” ‘Komaeda’ exclaims, but despite what they're talking about, he sounds like he was declaring a really happy announcement. “You are giving up, Hinata-kun! You are rejecting me, your dream! Putting it that way, it sounds really pathetic, isn’t it? To have the time come when even you yourself are rejecting what you're aiming for—I think that’s nothing but silent acceptance that you are bound to fail.”

Even if saying that this isn’t real multiple times before, it still felt like a bullet to the chest to see Komaeda’s face, hear Komaeda’s voice, saying those words to him. ‘Komaeda’ giggles again, demurely covering his mouth as if they were just joking about everyday jokes. “Ahh, it’s really hopeless looking at you. It’s as if you’ve reached a new low! Oh, well… I guess this is it for a Reserve Course Student like you.”

Wake up, wake up, wake up, just fucking wake up, please, fucking wake up—

“Ahh, now that I think about it, even the other one acknowledges how pathetic the Reserve Course is, right?” ‘Komaeda’ hums. “Right, he said something like… ‘it’s not like they're important’, ‘don’t expect great things’, and that they're—what was it again—upsetting, disrespectful—”

“Stop! Just stop!” Hinata wants to punch him. He knows it’ll be okay because this person is not Komaeda, but the fact that he has Komaeda’s face is enough to make Hinata restrain himself. “What are you even trying to prove? I already know! I already know that the Reserve Course is revolting, that we just used money to get in—I know! I already know! So stop repeating it to me!”

“I see.” ‘Komaeda’ laughs again. “So what they say is true. Apparently, if you accept your faults, none of them can be used against you. But I have something to ask.”

The next thing Hinata knew, ‘Komaeda’ had him in a firm embrace, and every sound was drowned out except for his voice.

“Have you really accepted your faults?”

--

Hinata woke up the next day feeling even worse than he did last night. His headache that was already supposed to be gone has returned, but this time, he thinks that maybe he can tolerate it. He sincerely hopes that he's right with that feeling.

He feels himself shivering and he turns, pulling his blanket up to cover until at least below his chin. It’s suddenly so cold. He wonders how Komaeda is faring to this. Between the two of them, Hinata knows that he's the one with the better cold tolerance. He doesn’t need to wear overly thick clothing even during the cold season, so for him to be feeling cold right now…

It must be really cold.

“…K-Komaeda?” Hinata internally curses for shivering as he speaks. “Are you awake?” He realizes that this is a stupid question.

“Yes, Hinata-kun?” Komaeda calls out. Weird because he seems to not be shivering in the slightest. “I'm here. Do you need anything?”

“Not really, I just…” Hinata feels the need to pull the covers up even more, but if he does, he won’t be able to communicate properly. “I just wanted to ask… isn’t it kind of cold in here?”

“Cold?” Komaeda repeats. Even if Hinata can’t see him, he can imagine Komaeda looking confused at the moment. “I don’t think so… I mean, I think I’d notice right away if it is, but I'm not feeling that way at the moment… though it’s pretty impossible for Hinata-kun to feel cold without me feeling the same way, huh…”

“Right… yeah, now that I think about it, it’s not cold, after all.” Komaeda might just unnecessarily worry if Hinata admits that he is indeed feeling cold without the actual room temperature being so. “Maybe I was just imagining it earlier.”

“Are you sure…?” Damn it. Komaeda sounded worried anyway despite Hinata’s precaution. “You had a headache two days ago, and yesterday, you had muscle ache… maybe you have a fever right now, Hinata-kun?”

“No, I'm feeling okay.” Hinata grasps the blanket tighter as a way to block any cold air from going inside. “I just imagined it, probably.”

“Hinata-kun,” He hears Komaeda’s soft footsteps. Komaeda moves away from their bunk bed so that he can see Hinata resting on the top bunk. Hinata only had to turn on his side to see that Komaeda’s worry became even more visible when he sees Hinata covered with a blanket. “You really are feeling cold, aren’t you?”

“As I said, I'm okay.” As a way to prove his words, Hinata immediately gets up, and the moment he did, he sees flashes of black dots all over the place. He closes his eyes, he can already hear his own voice saying that he's an idiot for what he's doing at the moment, because really, what is he even trying to prove with this?

“You're obviously not okay, Hinata-kun.” Komaeda bites his lower lip. “You are feeling cold, after all. You must really have a fever… Do you want to borrow my jacket? Maybe you should stay here today…”

“No, no, this is nothing.” Hinata wants to shake his head too to punctuate his reply, but he knows now that if he does that, his head will just protest again. “I'm just gonna drink some of your medicine, and I'm sure, after that, I'm set.”

The mention of medicine distracts Komaeda, and he immediately goes towards the table at the end of his bed, telling Hinata to wait just a bit. While Komaeda is preoccupied, Hinata allows himself to pull up the blanket and cover himself. He knows that Komaeda is already worried despite his efforts to prevent so, but he's going to try to reduce the reasons for Komaeda to feel that way anyway.

Komaeda closes the drawer once he retrieves what he needs, and he looks up to face Hinata again. “This is what I take when I have a fever, Hinata-kun.” Komaeda waves the group of medicine that he's holding. “Here, this group is yours now… I’ll just get a glass of water.”

“No, no,” Hinata waves his hand as a substitute to him shaking his head. “I’ll climb down. Don’t worry too much.”

Komaeda just nods, but he positions himself near the ladder of the double deck, obviously ready to help out Hinata just in case something unexpected happens. There's a feeling of something whirring inside his head as he steps down the ladder, but he does his best to ignore the sensation.

Hinata’s feet touch the ground, luckily, without anything troublesome happening, and he forces a smile when he makes eye contact with Komaeda. Komaeda returns his smile, although his worry was still visible, as he hands Hinata the medicine.

“Thanks a lot.” Hinata nods at him before going outside to the dorm’s corridor to get a glass of water.

--

A fever isn’t something to fear for Hinata. Even back then as a child, he usually went to school and toughed the fever out until it disappears on its own. Headaches go away when he ignores them, and muscle aches only hurt when he's trying to sleep.

This whole day though, he can’t deny that he was tired all throughout, and he admittedly felt irritable at things that normally wouldn’t even affect him. Saionji’s usual manner of speaking isn’t something that he’d mind normally, but today, he found himself making a face as he listens to her talking to someone. He cringed too when Koizumi made another of those ‘be a man’ comments to one of their classmates. He also rolled his eyes when Hanamura started hitting on someone.

And he also knows he glared when Hanamura tried to flirt with Komaeda that day.

Everyone was so annoying—he had no idea that he was capable of being this full of hate just because he's feeling tired. He knows that he’ll regret being this hostile, even if it’s just in his head, once he comes to his usual mindset.

The only one who wasn’t annoying though was Komaeda even if he giggled at Hanamura’s words, even if he blushed and chuckled when teased about Naegi, even if he waved at Hinata so happily upon noticing that Hinata was listening in on the conversation.

Hinata knows that it isn’t annoying because the pain was too distracting.

Pain of the body because of his slight fever or pain because of something else entirely—he’s not in the mood to admit right now even just to himself.

--

The moment classes ended, Hinata gets the brief thought to just go home and rest instead of going to work that day. His prediction of the fever being gone with the wind if he just lets it be was terribly wrong. That doesn’t usually happen because he never gets sick—well, okay, to be fair, he did get sick one time and it was horrible, but that was more or less five years ago—and when he actually does, it’s nothing too major.

He hates, hates this feeling so much.

He hugs himself with his arms as he walks. If he has survived the whole day, he's sure that he can push through until his shift ends too. Just a bit longer, just a bit more, just a few more hours—he repeatedly chants that in his head because he really can’t afford to be absent in any of the shifts. The agreement was that he's going to work for only seven days with the best that he can, and their family friend will buy that necklace for Komaeda. Today will be his fourth day, and he can’t, shouldn’t, miss even at least one.

He just can’t risk it.

After all, it wouldn’t be pleasant if the agreement breaks just for the petty reason that he's too weak.

Walking right now, outside the campus, Hinata finds that it’s even colder because of the soon-to-be-evening air. He remembers Komaeda offering his jacket to him earlier this morning, him turning it down, and he imagines how this situation would improve immensely if only he had Komaeda’s really thick jacket with him. It even has a hood with it too, after all…

Then again, not only should he not even think that he has a right to borrow Komaeda’s clothes, but there's also the fact that without the jacket, Komaeda will be the one who'll feel cold instead, and that is not an option that he should even begin considering.

Hinata makes sure to ignore that if he does agree and borrow it, Naegi has both a hoodie and a jacket that he can probably lend Komaeda anytime with no second thought.

--

Hinata steps inside the bookstore, and it was ridiculous how it was colder indoors compared to outdoors. He rubbed his hands together and blew hot air on them before placing them on both of his cheeks. His mother’s friend immediately sees him when he gets inside, and he forces a smile. She returns it, and she luckily didn’t seem to notice that Hinata was practically shivering.

He just wants to buy a coat or a jacket somewhere, but he’d feel really guilty spending money right now. From the kindness that he has seen from this lady so far, he can actually tell that she’ll be happy to help him out with buying that necklace… despite that, he won’t deny that merely thinking of not spending any of the money that he already has before his job for the necklace leaves a bad aftertaste in his mouth.

He can’t help but feel that he isn’t really working hard enough anyway. He's just carrying boxes, sorting books into categories, manning the register, and it feels unfair that he’ll receive an expensive diamond-covered (rhinestone-covered?) necklace in return for that half-assed service. Not to mention that while working, he still has the nerve to complain in his head about how tired he is—everything just feels beyond wrong.

“Hajime-kun, do you want anything?” For the past three days, this kind lady always asks him that question before he gets started on whatever job he should do that day. For the past three days too, he has been declining with a polite ‘no, thank you’, but now, he knows he wants something—anything, really—warm to drink.

He finds it really embarrassing to have to bother the lady, but he decides to suck it up because if he lets his worry take over, he might as well just skinny deep in ice water with how cold he's feeling at the moment. “Thanks… Uh, if it’s no bother then… I think I’d want a cup of coffee.”

Hinata hopes too that the coffee will help him because he feels like he’ll immediately fall asleep if he were to be left alone for a long time. Especially now that the bookstore doesn’t seem busy, there are no newly-arrived books too today, so he’ll have nothing to do but stay by the register.

Even if the store won’t be too eventful, he’d still feel really guilty to sleep on the job. He knew he’d look like he's working hard enough to be exhausted that way, but that just still doesn’t make him feel comfortable. He’d feel like he cheated somehow, and he doesn’t want that.

The store was usually quiet. Hinata can hear the light sound that the air-conditioning unit seems to always produce, and he’d be lying if he says that it doesn’t sound like something peacefully lulling him to sleep. His eyelids feel heavy and he tightens his hold around himself.

This isn’t good. He's being too comfortable.

He stands up from the chair behind the counter and decides to stand up. He just has to stay awake long enough and wait for his coffee to arrive. Seriously, it’s not even that hard… He firmly pinches his own arm, and even if it hurts, it doesn’t seem to do anything about the drowsiness that is threatening to overcome him.

Maybe it’s because he did it himself. Maybe it’s because he has expected it. Maybe it would work if the lady somehow stumbles despite her careful manner and throws hot coffee at him. He's pretty sure that that happening instead is way more effective than drinking the coffee.

He sighs. He’ll just wait for now. That’s something that he's good at, at least.

--

Hinata doesn’t know if it’s just him, but the cold just keeps on getting worse and worse with each hour that passes by. He felt lucky that he still managed to get back to the dorm—he seriously thought that he’d pass out in the subway earlier while forcing himself to stay standing up.

He would have hailed a cab in normal circumstances, but again, he’d feel like he’ll be wasting money that way.

This is just a small price to pay, he tells himself. Just a little bit more and he’ll get there. He repeats it in his head while walking up the stairs, his arms still firmly kept around himself. His eyes feel so hot, his body feels so hot—and he found that funny because why does his body feel hot when he's actually feeling cold?

Hinata leans his head against the door of their room, silently thanking whatever that he's finally here in his destination. He remembers doing the same that certain night—leaning his head against the wood, that is—but he immediately pushes away that memory from his mind.

He doesn’t fumble with his pockets for too long for the key, and he immediately pushes it inside the keyhole, turning it with the usual same promptness. Hinata sees Komaeda sitting up—the latter obviously was lying on his back before Hinata arrived—and he immediately felt guilty because he must have interrupted Komaeda’s rest.

“Hinata-kun, welcome home.” Komaeda greets him with a small smile.

Just that one smile was enough to distract Hinata for a while that he's tired, that his head is actually beginning to pound again, that his body hurts for no reason (or maybe there is a reason, after all. Was it standing in the subway? Forcing himself to stand all the while too during his shift earlier?)

“I'm home.” Hinata manages a small smile at least as he locks the door behind him. It’s starting to feel tempting to ask to borrow Komaeda’s jacket. Seeing it again right now, actual and not just in his thoughts, he realizes yet again how thick and probably comfortable it is.

He must have stared for too long because Komaeda’s smile immediately turns worried as he speaks. “I was thinking about Hinata-kun the entire time, you know. I kept on remembering the whole day that you have a fever… and that instead of resting, you insisted on going to school and work… If it’s okay to ask, how are you feeling right now?”

“Better than this morning.” Hinata makes sure to maintain his smile. “Sorry for making you worried, but you really shouldn’t have. Everything’s fine.”

“Are you sure…?” Komaeda doesn’t look convinced in the slightest. “Well, I'm sorry if you're already being annoyed by my nagging, but… I think you should still drink medicine tonight before you sleep. You look pretty pale than the usual if you ask me…”

“I know this might be pretty weird to say, but…” Hinata scratches the back of his head. He doesn’t think he’ll say this normally, but right now, it sounds like it’s okay. “Well… Thanks for worrying about me.”

Komaeda blinks. “Naturally, I’d get worried… You're always overworking yourself, Hinata-kun. And now, working right after we finish with school for the day—you're pushing yourself even harder than you already do. I wish you'd just… stop for at least a few minutes and allow yourself to fully relax.”

“Komaeda…”

“But ah,” Komaeda suddenly looks nervous. “It’s probably not my place to say something like that. I'm sorry again for being troublesome, Hinata-kun. I know you're tired, and it will just be contradictory of me to acknowledge that you need rest and start chatting with you at the same time.”

“No, it’s okay, really.” Hinata insists. He just realizes that his arms were still around himself, and that must have been the dead giveaway. He immediately corrects that mistake, feeling a little embarrassed, before continuing to speak. “But I’ll drink your medicine to be safe. Thanks again.”

“Oh, okay. Stay here. I’ll get the water.” Komaeda must have predicted that Hinata would protest because he exits the room as fast as he can. Hinata allows himself to let out a deep sigh since Komaeda is gone, and he heads towards his side of the closet to get the only jacket that he has.

Hinata already knows, but he looks over the jacket anyway. His jacket is nowhere as thick as Komaeda’s, and he doesn’t think it will help alleviate his discomfort very much. It’s better than nothing though. He places the jacket over his shoulder and returns the hanger to the closet, promptly closing it after.

He dusts the jacket off, hitting it with his free hand twice, before putting it on. It helps at least, just a bit, and he slowly climbs up to his bed. He makes sure to be careful, to hold on firmly, because it would just be more trouble than it’s worth if he falls off and injures himself or something. Not only will that be a bother to himself, but it will also be a bother to Komaeda.

Despite wearing the jacket and it actually helping a little, he still finds the need to cover himself with his blanket. Now lying down and with absolutely no task to distract him this time, his head and back start to hurt, and he wants nothing more than to sleep the pain off.

He wants to sleep already, hoping that tomorrow this will finally be gone, but he has to wait one last time for today. Komaeda will come back soon with a glass of water, Hinata will just drink medicine—short and simple—and it shouldn’t be this difficult to keep his eyes open—

So he thinks of Komaeda.

He remembers, back then (or maybe until the present time), Komaeda was the reason why he couldn’t go to sleep so easily at night. Be it because Komaeda is there to chat with him until late hours, or be it because he's thinking of Komaeda and some possible situations that he thinks are possible—the bottom line is that Komaeda is almost always involved.

He remembers the times when they went to school together and actually left it together, when they always eat all meals together, when they're always together no matter what happens, when any topic is somehow fun and interesting when it’s the two of them talking.

He thinks of the time when they first met, how Komaeda immediately grabbed his interest without even trying, how Hinata felt instantly connected with him as if all their lives they were just meant to meet each other—

It’s been a while since he just stopped and thought of the past.

He has been so absorbed in the present, after all. So many things are happening, so many things have changed—

Ahh, wait, why is he suddenly thinking about this again?

He shakes his head even just to himself and pulls the blanket upward to cover him better. His head feels like it hurt even more because of his thoughts. Maybe it was wrong for him to reminisce about the old times again.

The door opens, and Hinata chants in his head thousands of words of thanks. There was Komaeda, holding a glass of water and lightly pushing the door with a foot. He looks up to the top bunk and he makes eye contact with Hinata. As he expected, Komaeda’s worry immediately shows in his face, and he starts to wonder if practically hiding under his blankets like this was the wrong choice, after all.

“Hinata-kun, are you feeling cold?” He can tell that Komaeda wasn’t really expecting an answer, but he nods anyway. “Are you using your jacket? Like I asked earlier this morning, it’s okay if you use mine… Mine is thicker, after all, and I think it’d be really helpful to you.”

Komaeda reaches up to him, in his hand the glass of water that he took outside. Hinata forces himself to sit up—even if he did it slowly, his head still protested, and he briefly sees black dots in his vision again—and take the glass. He gets the medicine with his free hand and pops them into his mouth, downing the water after.

He wants to delude himself into thinking that the medicine already took effect right away, seconds after drinking it, but he knows that that’s pretty stupid.

“…It’s okay.” Hinata says. He doesn’t accompany his words with a nod even if he wants to because his head already hurts plenty enough for him to do that. “Just one jacket is enough for me. Thank you.”

Komaeda bites his lower lip and takes off the jacket anyway, lightly tossing it at his bed. “Sorry if I'm being too forceful, but… please just take it. If you don’t use it, then just leave it there. It’s better to be sure just in case you feel colder later…”

Hinata doesn’t argue anymore. He knows that Komaeda won’t take no for an answer now that the jacket is already on Hinata’s bed. “Thank you, Komaeda. I really appreciate you taking care of me, but… I kinda want to sleep now. Let’s just talk again tomorrow.”

“Oh,” Komaeda immediately nods. “Of course, Hinata-kun. Sorry for keeping you. Don’t worry about turning off the lights—I’ll do it.”

Hinata whispers another word of thanks before returning on his lying position. When the lights turn off, he gets Komaeda’s jacket and wraps his arms around it instead of wearing it.

Despite that being an impractical choice, Hinata knows that that must be his most comfortable sleep in a while.

--

“I'm so sorry for calling you here, it’s just that I didn’t know what to do.” Hinata hears a soothing voice. “I think I told you that I myself get sick pretty often, but it’s just that Hinata-kun is nothing like me. He said that he doesn’t usually get sick, so I'm just… really alarmed right now. I just kind of woke up right now, and his temperature seems to have increased from last night when I checked it… I don’t understand what I'm doing wrong.”

“I see.” Hinata hears another person. He doesn’t know why he's not recognizing them at the moment. “I think I already told you that we’re similar. About getting sick pretty fast, I mean. But I usually just wait it out until it’s gone… Sometimes I don’t even drink medicine… but I do understand why you're alarmed. It is indeed worrying…”

“I'm really so sorry for bothering you… I should be knowledgeable enough to at least know what to do in a situation as simple as this, yet I just had to be incompetent—”

“Now, now, Komaeda-kun… Don’t say that about yourself. It’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong. I won’t mind helping you out. Though I admit maybe it was a better choice contacting your classmate… the Super High School Level Nurse, right? Not because I think you're bothering me, but because I think she’d be more knowledgeable…”

“You're right… Ah, I didn’t think this through... I'm so sorry. It’s just that when I need something, you're the first person to come to mind. Someone like me really shouldn’t be allowed—”

“Komaeda-kun, it’s really okay. Please don’t be so hard on yourself, alright? You're doing what you can, and you just wanted to help out Hinata-kun… it’s okay. Everything’s okay.”

“Thank you…”

Hinata opens his eyes. He had to stare for a while before his surroundings start to make sense. He had to wait for a while before the sounds that he has heard start to make sense. He doesn’t know what has gotten over to him, but for some reason, he didn’t identify right away the voices that he has heard.

He's being stupid.

Of course it was Komaeda and Naegi.

Hinata closes his eyes again. He doesn’t quite understand why, but he doesn’t want them to see him awake.

“I don’t want him to attend classes today… I think that may be part of the reason why he's not recovering quite fast.” Komaeda sighs. “I'm really worried… He even has a part-time job that he has started recently.”

“He does?” Naegi replies. “Hinata-kun really is admirable.”

“I agree with that. But of course, even he got tired…” Hinata can almost hear the frown in Komaeda’s voice. “I don’t think the rest that Hinata-kun gets is adequate… To make up for the time that he lost for studying because of work, he has decided to study whenever he wakes up in the morning before we go to school.”

“Oh… That really does sound so tiring… May I ask the reason why Hinata-kun decided to get a part-time job?”

“Ah, sorry, I didn’t really ask…”

“Oh, it’s okay, don’t worry. Anyway, I think Komaeda-kun should place that wet cloth on Hinata-kun’s forehead now. What I'm worried about though is that there would be no one to keep him company later when the two of us leave for school.”

“You're right… I was thinking about that too…” Komaeda pauses for a while before he speaks again. “Do you think it’d be a good idea if I… skip school today?”

Hinata suddenly wants to interrupt, but he can’t because he's supposed to be asleep. Of course he wouldn’t want Komaeda to skip school today just because of him. Ahh, damn this fever. It’s just causing trouble for everyone around him.

“I don’t think so… I mean, I don’t think Hinata-kun would want you to do that.” Hinata mentally thanks Naegi. “I know that the two of you are closer than Hinata-kun and me, but one thing that I know for sure is that he values academic excellence, and he might feel like he pulled you down if you skip today.”

“Right… but we can’t just leave him alone… not to mention that he has fever.”

Naegi hums in contemplation. “Let’s see… Does Komaeda-kun think it’d be okay if we leave Hinata-kun in the infirmary?”

No, no. Anything but the infirmary. Just the thought of resting there the whole day already worsened his headache. He holds Komaeda’s jacket closer to his chest, but somehow, he feels a little embarrassed having it with Naegi in the same room.

“I guess, in this situation, the infirmary is the best choice…” Komaeda’s voice becomes closer. Hinata can feel that he has climbed maybe a couple of steps of the ladder so that he could reach Hinata. Hinata makes sure to stay still and keep his eyes firmly closed.

A wet and cold cloth lightly dabs at his forehead. Komaeda pulls the blanket a little lower, just enough to show his neck, and Hinata feels the cold cloth on there too. Even with this fever, he's starting to find it embarrassing that Komaeda is the one taking care of him right now…

Hinata wonders if this is a good time to ‘wake up’ or if he should just wait for Komaeda to finish what he's doing… but doing the latter would be a little too opportune, isn’t it? It might get obvious that he was awake all along. Not to mention that both Komaeda and Naegi are pretty perceptive in their own ways…

Komaeda pulls the blanket lower again. Hinata tries to suppress the shiver but he fails. Even without opening his eyes, he can tell that Komaeda must have looked apologetic because of that. Komaeda’s already gentle actions become even gentler as he wipes Hinata’s arms too with the cloth.

If Hinata decides to not mind how much he's being a bother at the moment, he’d say that it’s pretty good to be taken care of Komaeda like this. Komaeda’s hands are so smooth and soft, the cloth is comfortably cold—if he keeps his thoughts this peaceful, maybe he’d actually fall back to sleep.

--

Hinata didn’t even know that he did fall asleep again. He only realized what happened when he wakes up in an unfamiliar room that smells so much like antiseptics. He almost panics—he doesn’t know why the first thought that he had was that he was abducted—and he was thankful that his thoughts immediately fix themselves right away.

Right, he overheard earlier.

He must be in the infirmary.

He feels a little better than he did this morning even if Komaeda’s comforting jacket is nowhere to be found—he noticed that his throat feels pretty dry at the moment though—and he knows that he can stand up without seeing dots again. He makes sure to carefully sit up anyway, and he was glad that his head didn’t protest against his action anymore.

He doesn’t like the infirmary. The school doctor strikes him as creepy, and he feels like he’ll just become even sicker if he stays here. He sets his feet on the ground, slowly standing up with the same care that he has earlier, and he pushes to the side the curtain that is covering the bed he used.

Like he expected, there was the school doctor looking creepy as usual, and he's talking to Tsumiki. They both turn to Hinata the moment he reveals himself, and Tsumiki immediately breaks into a smile. “H-Hinata-san! Finally, you're awake! E-Everyone was so worried about you…” She pauses. “A-Ah! I'm so sorry for smiling! I'm just… s-so happy… that Hinata-san is up now… I'm sorry! Please f-forgive me!”

“It’s alright, Tsumiki.” Hinata forces a smile. His headache is starting to say hello to him again. “I can tell you that you were really worried, so I'm sorry about that… Can I ask what time it is?”

“I-It’s half past five PM… half past the dismissal time…”

Crap. He can’t believe that he missed school for the day. This is his first absence for years. “Why are you still here then?”

“I-I'm sorry…” Tsumiki bites her lower lip, slight tears evident on the sides of her eyes. Hinata can’t believe that the doctor is back to inspecting whatever documents have been placed on his desk instead of saying at least some comforting words to Tsumiki who's beside him. “K-Komaeda-san asked me a favor… I'm really sorry…”

“No, it’s okay, Tsumiki, I swear.” Why can’t Hinata just force a smile believable enough? “Sorry, alright? I didn’t mean to sound like I was upset that you stayed. If anything, I appreciate it, really.”

Tsumiki starts to calm down a bit.

“But you mentioned a favor? What did Komaeda ask you to do?”

“W-Well, he said… K-Komaeda-san said that you might go to work when y-you wake up… H-He wanted me to make sure that you'll go s-straight to the d-dorm so that you can r-rest… I-I was worried about H-Hinata-san too, s-so I decided to agree…”

“He did that?”

Tsumiki nods.

“…Where is he then?”

“I-I think I saw him leave with N-Naegi-san… I-I'm sorry I can’t be more useful!”

Figures. Of course he did. What did Hinata even expect?

“No, you did okay.” Hinata nods at her. He’d feel guilty to go straight to work especially since Tsumiki had to stay after school with this creepy doctor just waiting for him, but he really can’t afford to miss at least one shift… “Thank you. I’ll go back now.”

“U-Um…” Tsumiki fidgets. “K-Komaeda-san told me to a-accompany you b-back to your dorm room… H-He wanted to be as sure as possible… that you'll go back…”

Damn. Hinata won’t be comfortable being deceitful at that level. They both exit the infirmary, and he knows that he should do something quickly because if he doesn’t, he’ll be forced to miss work. Of course, he can easily cooperate and go to their room, stay there for maybe five minutes or so, then leave afterwards. His conscience won’t let him rest, however, if he does dupe Tsumiki of all people that way…

“Tsumiki, um…” “How is Hinata-san feeling?”

“Ah? Oh… I'm okay.” “I'm sorry for speaking the same time as you!”

“No, it’s okay.” “I'm really sorry!”

Ahh, he's not going to go anywhere with this. He takes a deep breath. Tsumiki looks like she's already thinking of five thousand ways to apologize. He places a hand on her shoulder, pats her back twice, and he takes a sigh of relief when she calms down.

“Look…” Hinata clears his throat. “I just have something to say. Is that okay?”

“O-Of course… A-Again, I'm so s-sorry for speaking the same time as you… I-I didn’t know…”

“It’s really okay, promise. Don’t be too hard on yourself.” Sometimes, just sometimes, Tsumiki reminds him of Komaeda. They're still pretty different though. “Look, I don’t want to be a liar, so… I want to tell you something.”

“…Y-Yes?”

“Alright.” Hinata takes another deep breath. “See… I really, really have to go to my job.”

“A-Ah.” Tsumiki looks alarmed. “B-But Komaeda-san… he told me that H-Hinata-san would probably try to insist… but no matter what happens, I-I shouldn’t agree…”

“Okay, okay, I understand that you guys are worried about me, but please hear me out here.” Hinata sighs. “I'm, uh… saving for something really important, and I only have to work for seven days. Today is supposed to be my fifth day already, so just a bit more, and I’ll regain my normal routine. Please, Tsumiki… You have to let me go…”

Tsumiki starts to look conflicted already. “But Hinata-san… W-Whatever important thing that is… I-I'm sure your health is still more i-important…”

“Please…? Seven days is only a short time… It would be really unfair to my employer—she's a family friend, so I’ll feel even guiltier if I let her down—if I miss even just a day, right?”

“I-I understand, but…” Tsumiki looks like she's really going to cry any moment soon. “C-Can’t H-Hinata-san just… still work for seven days…? L-Like, if you miss t-today… y-you can just not count this day… b-but you'll make sure you complete seven… o-or is that a stupid suggestion…?”

That actually stumped Hinata for a moment. “No, it’s a good suggestion, but… okay. Listen to me, alright? The seventh day supposedly, if I don’t miss any shifts, is the day before Hope’s Peak’s Foundation Day… The thing that I mentioned, the one I was saving for, is a gift that I plan to give for the tradition… I can’t push my shifts for another day because then, I won’t have a gift for the gift-giving. All my efforts will be wasted… and of course, I won’t want that.”

“Hinata-san…” She bites her lower lip again. “S-Since you said she's a family f-friend… can’t she just g-give you the money you need in a-advance… t-then you'll just continue working even p-past the foundation day? I-I'm just really worried… I-If you continue pushing yourself… y-your recovery process will be r-really slow…”

“That suggestion is good too, but see… the agreement was already made. Wouldn’t it be really rude of me if I change it halfway?” Hinata frowns. “Besides… I'm really okay now, I swear. I'm not even feeling dizzy anymore, and that’s really an improvement compared to my condition this morning.”

“I-I don’t want to d-disappoint K-Komaeda-san…”

“Look, you did your part. You tried to convince me, but I was too stubborn. It’s not your fault, so you can tell Komaeda that.” Hinata assures her. “I’ll even back you up when I get home later… Okay?”

“H-Hinata-san…”

“I got this, alright? Don’t worry.”

Tsumiki sniffs, and she nods. Hinata feels really guilty because she looked so defeated, but he decides to show her a smile. “Thanks. I owe you one, Tsumiki.”

--

‘Hinata-kun? Where are you? Are you at work?’

‘I kind of expected this… though I still didn’t think that you'd be able to resist Tsumiki-san. Should I have sent Nanami-san instead?’

‘Hinata-kun, you shouldn’t overwork yourself. I don’t know how many times I have said that already.’

‘I'm sorry for being annoying, but I'm just really worried about you. I don’t like seeing you sick and suffering like that. I get fever quite usually, so I know how uncomfortable it must feel…’

Hinata makes a face and locks his phone, immediately shoving it back to his pocket before he does something as stupid as to reply that Komaeda stopping Hinata himself would have been the most effective choice.

--

Hinata starts to regret his life choices.

Okay, maybe that was exaggerating, but he starts to regret going to work today. He had to sort newly-arrived books into five categories this time, causing his head to have that incessant buzzing feeling. Maybe he should have listened to Komaeda and Tsumiki, after all…

He silently thanks that he's here at the dorms already. He silently thanks that at least it’s just a slight headache and that his temperature isn’t burning anymore. He silently thanks that his back and arms don’t hurt anymore like they did last night.

Still, he finds the need to pause in front of the door again.

Komaeda is already inside, Hinata knows. After all, if he weren’t, he wouldn’t know that Hinata wasn’t around. He takes a deep sigh. He hopes that his little decision of stubbornness didn’t upset Komaeda too much. Really, he was so defiant earlier, and it’s pretty late that he's just thinking of this right now when it’s already done.

Hinata places a hand on the knob, and that’s when he realizes that he's actually more nervous than he thinks. His heart is beating fast, his stomach feels a bit upset, but he decides to just push through it, turning the knob and pushing the door open. Please don’t be too upset, please don’t be too upset, please don’t be too upset…

Hinata didn’t know what to feel when he sees Komaeda on the bottom bunk, his back leaning against the wall, asleep. He has a closed book placed on his lap, his hands placed on them almost as if someone fixed him to seem picture perfect. Komaeda was wearing the thick jacket again, it suits Komaeda so much better compared to him, and he feels suddenly guilty because Komaeda obviously tried to stay up for him.

He wonders which would be ruder—to wake Komaeda or not?

He closes the door behind him before he resumes thinking. The reason for him to wake Komaeda is because he wants to apologize for being stubborn earlier. The reason not to is because… well, Komaeda is already resting, and Hinata can wait for tomorrow.

The decision was stolen from him when Komaeda suddenly stirs, the book sliding off his lap, and he blinks, his hazy eyes immediately meeting Hinata’s. Hinata suddenly starts feeling sheepish—not only because of his previous defiant actions, but also because he was creepily staring at Komaeda who was sleeping. He hopes Komaeda doesn’t address that.

“…Ah, I fell asleep.” Komaeda blinks, rubbing the sleep off his eyes. “Hinata-kun… you're back.”

“Yeah.” Hinata nods. “I'm, uh… sorry for not replying to your texts. And sorry for… well… still going even if you told me not to.”

“It’s okay…” Komaeda manages a groggy smile. “I should be the one sorry for being annoying…”

“No, you're not annoying or anything, I swear.” Hinata bites his lower lip. “I just really can’t miss work, okay? Sorry for being an asshole.”

Komaeda chuckles. He still looks so sleepy, it’s kind of endearing. “I didn’t think you were an asshole, don’t worry. I was just really worried, that’s all.”

“Thanks for understanding…”

“Anyway… Hinata-kun must be tired right now. It’s okay if you want to sleep right away…” Komaeda pauses. “Unless you have something you want to talk about?”

“Ah, no, everything’s fine.” Hinata forces a smile. “Well, good night. Sorry for interrupting your sleep.”

--

The sixth day, luckily, he didn’t have a fever anymore, but his head still hurt so much whenever he moved too fast.

The last day, he was thoroughly cured.

--

“Hajime-kun, thank you so much for helping out.” Today is Hinata’s last day working here. He gave his all since it’s the last day, and he was actually at his peak condition currently. If anything, he thinks he's actually starting to like working…

Or maybe that’s just because he's happy that he's cured now.

Besides, he can already feel it—the smooth material of the box that will house the necklace that he’ll buy—he’ll just have to finish his shift, and buy tomorrow after school the necklace because he isn’t sure if the shop is still opened by the time his shift ends.

“Thank you!” He says as he places the two books in a paper bag and hands it to a woman. “Please come again!”

As if to go well with his already good mood, the night isn’t too busy. He only had to sit behind the counter—he allowed himself to sit now because he isn’t drowsy anymore to accidentally sleep anyway—and he briefly thinks that maybe it is true that positive thinking attracts positive energy, after all…

“Hajime-kun,” Their family friend calls out. She was warmly smiling, so Hinata returns the smile. “It’s refreshing to see you energetic! These days you seem pretty down, and I was worried since that wasn’t how I remembered you at all as a little kid…”

“Haha, right… Well, to be honest, I actually had, uh… a fever. Recently.”

“A fever?” She covers her mouth. “You should have told me!”

“Oh, don’t worry. I'm actually okay now.”

“Still, I feel bad now for making you work…” She sighs. “I'm so sorry I didn’t notice at all… I thought you might have just been in a foul mood or something…”

“It’s alright, ma’am. I really wanted to work.”

“Oh, right.” She nods. “Your mom did mention to me that you wanted to buy something and that’s why you worked… She also said that you planned to buy a gift, but I don’t know anything else aside from that. May I ask what gift you were planning to get in particular?”

“Ah, oh,” Hinata’s feeling embarrassed all of a sudden. “Um… It’s a necklace.”

“A necklace?” The lady curiously repeats. “So Hajime-kun has a girlfriend?”

“Oh, no, it’s nothing like that.” Hinata forces a laugh. “It’s for my best friend…”

“Oh? But she's a girl, right?”

“Um, no…” This is starting to get awkward. “He's a guy.”

“Oh…” She furrows her eyebrows. “He's into necklaces?”

“Uh, there's nothing wrong with giving a guy a necklace, right” Hinata forces a smile to maintain his politeness. “Anyway, he doesn’t know what I was going to give him, so… it’s my choice. And I think he’d like it.”

“Oh, alright.” She nods. “Well, good luck to you, Hajime-kun. If he's your best friend, I'm sure he’d like something that you worked for.”

--

The next day, Hinata just proceeded with the usual exchange that he has with Komaeda every morning. He makes sure not to mention anything about the gift because he wants to be as surprising as possible. Hinata doesn’t know why he's feeling so excited—in fact, overly excited, almost—and throughout the whole day, he's only thinking about nothing but going to the city and finally buying that perfect necklace.

A perfect necklace for a perfect person—perfect.

It’s almost funny because he's being too giddy for someone who will give the gift. Isn’t it more usual for people to feel excited about receiving one? Maybe his mother was right, after all. Having to work for it, having to exert effort for it—that just makes the necklace even more special.

He’ll just think of Komaeda’s smile when he sees the necklace, and Hinata’s pretty sure that all the exhaustion that he felt will instantly be forgotten, never to be remembered again. He’ll just imagine how Komaeda will tell him those sincere words of thanks, holding the necklace close to his heart and saying that he’ll treasure it, and Hinata just knows that he’ll never even remember getting a fever because of having to work too hard.

He hopes that making Komaeda so happy is enough to make himself feel redeemed.

…If he were to be honest though, he knows that he’ll never feel that way again, but he does hope that this is a good start.

--

The chimes make a sound again like they did during Hinata’s first visit. It’s pretty relaxing to go to the city today and not having to work. He's actually just there to buy something and that’s pretty relaxing to think about. No more lifting heavy boxes of books, no more sorting of books into categories…

Just like the last time, there's a couple shopping inside again. Just like last time too, a feeling of embarrassment makes itself known, and he starts to get second thoughts about his choice of gift. Was it really okay for him to buy something like that for Komaeda? Even if it wasn’t a heart, it still seems like something a lover should rightfully give. What if, even by going out of his way to make sure that he won’t choose an overly romantic design, he was actually doomed to make Komaeda feel uncomfortable just by choosing this store?

There are a lot of other possible gifts too now that he thinks about it. He doesn’t know why these ideas suddenly come pouring in his head one by one like drops of smooth-flowing water. He could have given Komaeda jars of brand new Go pieces or maybe that hundred year potpourri that he remembers seeing somewhere in this city…

Actually, now that he thinks about it, Komaeda will probably appreciate those instead of—

“Sir?” The lady by the counter greets. She smiles, nodding. She seems to have recognized him. “You came back! Are you going to buy that four leaf clover necklace now?”

“Um…” Hinata’s here now. He knows that whatever lies he feed his own brain, he’ll still want to give Komaeda that necklace. He worked so hard, having that piece of jewelry in his head, and even if the potpourri is a good idea too, he knows that he’ll be filled with unbelievably immense regret if he decides to go with that choice. And so he nods. This is it. “…Yeah. May I look at the actual thing?”

“Of course. Please wait for a moment.”

The excitement becomes even more difficult to handle. He's sure that the necklace will look even prettier in real life. He has been looking at nothing but photos so far and he has already liked it. What more if he sees the actual thing?

He didn’t have to wait for too long, or maybe his thoughts were just good distractions, because the lady returns quickly with a white box. She places it on the counter just in front of Hinata and smiles. “You can inspect it all you want.”

“Oh? Thanks.” Hinata returns the friendly smile and takes the small box into his hand. He carefully removes the white cover, as if damaging the box will damage the precious necklace already, and he finds himself gaping then and there.

It’s true.

The necklace really was more beautiful than it was in the sample pictures. Hinata still isn’t sure if these gems are diamonds or rhinestones, but right now, they really do look like actual diamonds. That’s kind of funny—because he thinks that they're good enough to be diamonds, he’ll start treating them as real diamonds, and—

If you choose to be with me, if you choose me… I’ll be the real one for you. And isn’t that good enough?

He remembers that dream.

He adamantly refuses to let his good mood be ruined so he keeps the smile plastered on his face, though he himself is noticing that it’s starting to feel faker with each second. He doesn’t want to admit that he was caught off guard by his thoughts—he never thought about that recent dream again after it happened, being too distracted by his hellish fever, yet here was the memory.

Who's to say that you can’t make your own reality?

Fucking shut up.

“…Excuse me?” The lady’s voice snaps him out of his thoughts. She looks pretty surprised, and it takes a while before Hinata understands what happened. His face immediately feels hot the moment he realizes that he said that out loud, and he apologizes as fast as he can.

“I-I wasn’t talking to you… sorry, I… guess I spaced out.” Hinata clears his throat. His save isn’t smooth at all. “So, uh… I’d like to pay now… I’ll take the necklace.”

The lady blinks at him again, still looking a little doubtful, before she nods, taking the box again. “Would you prefer a white or black box, sir?”

Hinata thinks of Komaeda’s hair. “The white one, please.”

When he receives the box, Hinata’s almost overwhelmed because everything about his gift is perfect. The white box reminds him of Komaeda’s hair color, the silver necklace reminds him of Komaeda’s color scheme, the diamonds symbolize hope, and the four leaf clover symbolizes luck.

His gift is perfect.

The only step left is to give it.

--

Hinata’s excitement starts to get accompanied by nervousness the moment he reaches the dorm. His heart is pounding madly against his chest, and if he allows himself to be foolish enough, he’d say that it’s threatening to break through his flesh.

He has ran his hand a lot of times on the pocket of his bag already to make sure that the white box is still there. He’ll never ever forgive himself, after all, if he ends up losing it somewhere… Thinking about this, he feels the need to run his hand on the pocket again, and his blood immediately runs cold when he can’t feel it.

He stops in the middle of walking, zipping open the pocket as fast as he can, and he blinks repeatedly, only to see that the box is still inside. He's being really too stupid about this whole deal. It’s still there, it’s still there, of course it is. He repeatedly chants in his head.

He makes sure that it is indeed inside before zipping the pocket closed again. His gift is too perfect, and he shouldn’t let his idiocy ruin anything for him tonight. He has to be as perfect as the gift because it just won’t be right if he isn’t.

His feet automatically stopped when he reached their door. He takes a lot of deep breaths. He has to compose himself. If he plunges in with his reason clouded with nervousness, he’ll end up making a big fool out of himself. He might say things that he’ll regret, so he has to be as calm as possible.

When the shaking of his hands ceased (or at least minimized—they really won’t stop shaking at the moment), he turns the knob, and with that action comes a cold sensation flowing down his spine. Unbelievable. He's literally just going to give a gift, he doesn’t know why he's making such a big deal—

Oh.

Hinata blinks. Everything that he was feeling immediately halted.

Komaeda isn’t inside the room.

He blinks again. Maybe he's imagining things. Maybe he's too nervous that his mind is making him think that the situation isn’t here for him to seize yet. He continues blinking, but nothing changes. The room was still empty, the room was still ridiculously silent, and so he sighs, closing the door behind him.

At least, he has more time to compose himself now.

Though he isn’t entirely sure because the thought of having to wait, not knowing when exactly Komaeda will come home, is making him feel even more anxious. He doesn’t like this. The feeling of not knowing when his anticipation will grace him with its presence.

He runs his hand on the pocket one last time. The feeling of the box encourages him at least, and so he sits by the study table for now, back to his usual routine before that part-time job business as he waits for Komaeda to go home.

--

 It’s been a while since Hinata has studied properly, he thinks. As weird as it may sound, it’s actually pretty relaxing studying again like he always does. It’s a routine that he's familiar with, and despite hating the fact that he's average, despite wanting to live an extraordinary life, he’d be lying if he says that familiarity doesn’t have a certain comforting allure to it.

He's currently reading about complex numbers. Complex numbers are numbers with both real and imaginary parts. Each of them has a corresponding complex number that will be called their conjugate, and if multiplied to each other—

Hinata finishes his computation and boxes his final answer.

—If multiplied to each other, the imaginary part will be gone, leaving nothing but the real part behind.

It’s almost as if to say that… if you do it right, something imaginary can infallibly become real. He scratches his head and sighs. He can’t believe that he's about to let his mood be ruined by this... He stands up, stretches, and walks around the room.

He wonders what time will Komaeda go home…

It was almost unbelievable how the door opened exactly after that thought crossed his mind. He feels his eyes widen when Komaeda finally arrives. He gets stuck in his position—luckily, he was just standing and not doing anything weird… but then again, standing alone for no reason is pretty weird too, isn’t it?

Komaeda doesn’t seem to notice the sheer unnaturalness of the situation as he immediately runs towards his Hinata after closing the door, wrapping the latter in a tight embrace. Hinata immediately feels warm all over that he almost thinks his fever might have returned, and it takes a while before he returns the hug.

What is this?

Did he fall asleep while studying?

Komaeda immediately pulls away, a happy expression on his face. It’s been a while since he has seen Komaeda this happy. Even during the time they were under that tree, playing that game of shiritori, his happiness wasn’t this over the top.

There was something about his smile that was contagious. Hinata wouldn’t even realize that he himself has broken into a smile if Komaeda didn’t giggle at him. This is pretty weird—Komaeda suddenly hugging him as soon as he got home, but he's not complaining seeing as Komaeda seems so… full of joy?

Komaeda looks a little different.

Not the bad kind of different, of course. If anything, it’s a really pleasant kind. He seems… a little more attractive than he usually is. Hinata didn’t even know that that’s still possible. Was it his genuinely happy smile? Komaeda usually smiles, but his expression is more usually friendly instead of happy. At first glance, they might seem similar, but instances like this remind him of the difference.

“Hey…” Hinata greets. He feels like his breath has been taken away. “What's up? You seem really happy. What happened?”

“Look!” He feels Komaeda’s hand on his. His heart skips a beat, and his nervousness accelerates when Komaeda places it near his neck. Everything he's feeling stops that moment, like a car that was going at the fastest speed forced to halt in fear of hitting someone.  His hand meets something firm, and he looks down from Komaeda’s happy face to what's in his hand at the moment.

No.

He suddenly felt numb.

No, no, this must be another nightmare.

Come to think of it, the ‘Komaeda’ from last time insulted him, and the dream generally hurt that it wasn’t even fitting to call it a dream anymore. Maybe this one is like that too. Maybe this nightmare exists just to make fun of him again, to spite him again, and tell him that his hard work is all for nothing.

“Does it suit me?” Komaeda eagerly asks, that genuine smile still not leaving his face. “I-I mean… sorry, that was an impertinent question, wasn’t it? It’s just that… I'm really happy. It’s Naegi-kun’s gift for me for today’s tradition… I gave him a box full of strips of papers containing my messages for him because w-well… I think it’s better to keep things customized, don’t you agree?”

Hinata’s attention was still trained on the… thing around Komaeda’s neck. It was a necklace. And the funniest thing here is it’s a familiar one.

It’s that necklace from the jewelry shop. The one with a pair. The one that also shows a four leaf clover. The one that also has a diamond.

Hinata doesn’t understand what's happening. None of this is fully registering in his head. He doesn’t even know where to start.

Komaeda is wearing a necklace.

What's wrong with Komaeda wearing a necklace?

Why is Komaeda wearing a necklace?

Ahh, Hinata’s hands are shaking again, it’s so embarrassing. He quickly retracts them as fast as he can. It’ll be bad if Komaeda notices.

He's not feeling anything if he were to be honest, but his body seems to be reacting. His hands are shaking, he can hear a light ringing in his ears, and he doesn’t understand, cannot understand, why they'd be reacting that way because this isn’t even real. This isn’t real, this is just another nightmare made to hurt him, and he knows that if he waits long enough, he’ll wake up pretty soon.

“Hinata-kun?” Komaeda must be confused. Hinata is, too. “Are you okay…?”

Hinata should respond soon. Even if this is a dream, he should respond—

A dream?

Is this a dream?

A nightmare.

It’s a nightmare, not a dream.

Haha, Hinata should really learn how to get things right. He keeps on doing so many wrong things, he keeps on fucking up every single day, he can’t do properly even the simplest of things. Is this because he doesn’t have a talent? Is this because he's a Reserve Course Student?

Must be.

If only he had a talent, even just the simplest one, this wouldn’t have to happen to him, would it? He wouldn’t even be in this situation if he had a talent. He’d never know for sure, but if he had one, maybe he’d be more confident than he is. He’d be more comfortable with himself, and maybe, just maybe… Maybe he’ll be the one with Komaeda right now?

Maybe.

Maybe?

He's confused.

Wait, why does Komaeda have that necklace again? It’s from Naegi? Oh, right. It’s from Naegi. Of course it’s from Naegi. Ah, that’s right, Naegi. Naegi told him that the jewelry shop was a good place to shop. That’s because Naegi was happy finding a gift too there.

Hinata’s really stupid. Naegi wasn’t suggesting. He was simply sharing his experience. Hinata was stupid for not asking, stupid for heading straight to the shop without thinking of anything too hardly, stupid for not having a backup plan in case something goes awry.

Right, everything was too perfect earlier.

Too perfect.

It’s not realistic.

Nothing ever goes perfect for him, after all. Not for him. Never. He should have known that something like this would happen. Right, right, this is his fault. He practically asked for this because he's such an idiot who doesn’t know how to plan things.

Wait, why is he so mad at himself? This isn’t even real.

“Hinata-kun…” There was Komaeda’s voice again. His wide smile was completely gone from his face. It’s as if he never smiled at all. In its place stood a worried expression, and despite this being a dream, Hinata still felt guilty. “…Why are you crying?”

Crying?

Huh?

Who's crying?

Hinata?

Hinata’s crying?

Why is Hinata crying?

He's so confused.

He feels Komaeda slowly pulling him into an embrace, and Hinata doesn’t even resist. He rests his head on Komaeda’s shoulder because he still doesn’t understand anything. He's crying? He's really crying for real? When was the last time he cried?

“Hinata-kun…” He feels Komaeda’s hand running on his back. “…What happened?”

“…I-I'm sorry, Komaeda. Sorry.” It’s as if all of Hinata’s senses stopped earlier and decided to return all at the same time right now. He can clearly feel the tears flowing from his eyes as he grabs Komaeda’s coat. Ahh, he can’t believe this. He can’t even remember the last time that he cried, and he's crying. Right now? “I'm so sorry…”

“Why…?”

“…I didn’t… get you anything this year. I'm sorry.”

“Oh.” He feels Komaeda nodding, and the soft hands on his back continue its ministrations. “That’s okay, Hinata-kun. I don’t really mind… I know that you're really busy recently and you must have had so much to think of…”

“No, I…” Hinata grits his teeth. “…I promised last year, didn’t I? I promised I’d give you one every year. Yet here I am… I broke our promise.”

“Ah… I swear it’s really okay, Hinata-kun. You don’t have to think of that…” Komaeda’s voice sounds so soothing, but Hinata can’t seem to calm himself down anyway. “This hug is a gift enough for me, okay? You don’t always have to give me material things… it’s alright.”

“…No, you deserve something better. Something perfect for you.” Hinata closes his eyes. He should stop crying. He shouldn’t even be crying. “…That necklace is perfect for you.”

“Oh… this one?”

Hinata doesn’t answer that question.

He realizes that he wasn’t dreaming.

--

Hinata can’t really believe that he has no money now. The next day, he was contemplating all the while what gift he should buy for Komaeda instead. Because the moment he got his proper thinking back, he realizes that maybe he should get at least a simple one. Even if it’s simple and late, it’s better than nothing at least, right?

He also realized that it was stupid that he cried. He shouldn’t have cried. He regrets crying.

He threw the white box and the necklace away too because he won’t really have anything to do with it anymore.

…Or at least he tried to.

He really tried to, but he couldn’t. Just the mere thought made his knees shake, and he doesn’t understand why he’d react that way. The box still was sitting comfortably inside his bag’s pocket, untouchable, because frankly, Hinata doesn’t even want to look at it anymore.

 He decides he’ll just hold on to it for a little longer until he finds the courage to throw it away.

Giving it to Komaeda isn’t an option anymore now, after all. He wouldn’t want to compete with Naegi because he knows that there's no contest.

He was pretty spacey the whole day, almost as if just drifting through the air, and for the first time that afternoon, something catches his attention when he arrives at their dorm room. His eyes widen, and he blinks repeatedly because he might be imagining things, and when the thing that he saw didn’t disappear, he grabs it, looking it over.

It was an envelope pinned on the wooden door. His name was written on it in clean cursive, and the crest of Hope’s Peak Academy was embossed in it. He couldn’t believe his eyes.

Receiving a letter from the Hope’s Peak’s Staff—is it a good or a bad thing?

He hurriedly enters the dorm room and wastes no time, practically tearing the envelope apart.

He feels like his heart stopped.

"Dear Hinata Hajime-kun: We, at Hope's Peak Academy, have heard of your unyielding dedication to be reconsidered from the Reserve Course Department to the main course. You have worked hard and have proven yourself worthy of being accepted as a talent. We wish to discuss with you the proper protocol that you must take as soon as possible.

PS: We apologize for the rather risky manner we have left this letter on your door."