Chapter Text
What am I even doing with my life? I don't eat enough. I'm not really sociable, I don't have any friends, what is my purpose? Where am I going? Is there anything worth my attention, or is everything just, just a haze of nothing? What is the meaning of everything?
I didn’t like people, I think. I don’t remember much, though, but from the bits and pieces and fragments of feelings I think I didn’t like people.
Now, it’s not that much of a problem.
Because there are no people around. And I’m dead.
I mean, sometimes they come. So I eat them.
I don’t remember my name. I don’t remember anything, to be honest.
I just know that sometimes I’m really hungry. But usually, it just feels lonely.
Well, what do you expect when everyone around is as dead as you are. Silence reigns, you may say even- dead silence, ha fucking ha. Oh my god, I fucking hate all these people around. Watch out. No sorry, not even a fuck you, they just bump into you and they ignore you. Everyone is just staring mindlessly and they don't think of anyone but themselves, they just go somewhere, keep on trying to get something. Where all of you are going, this is an abandoned aiport. Nothing much to achieve here, especially when your heart doesn't beat, you can't fully control your moves and it's only some power that keeps you going.
None knows how this happened, I mean, the change. Was it mutation, or aliens, or apes, or the Governent (I personally think it's all of the above. Kidding. I don't fucking care.). The thing is, it happened. And now we are all dead.
Oh, I forgot to introduce myself. Well, not really forgot, I wish I could, but I don't remember my name. I just know it had to do something with R. Anything you would like to know about me is that I like to eat flesh, that brains are everyone's favorite part, as thanks to them we absorb memories and feelings of eaten person, and come on, this is a catch for us, as we don't have any memories on our own, our hearts are dead, our souls(what, what souls, I don't believe in this crap), uh, forget it. Just, we don't dream and feel. So brains are our drug. We can feel again, even if it lasts only for the moment of consuming the brain.
I live on a plane. And by live, I meant that I sometimes hang out there and leave there various things I find. Mostly, it's vinyls and paper and pencils, weird things to draw, I think, and tons of bottles of the alcohol. I have no idea why, though. I can't drink nor eat human food. But everytime I see a bottle of alcohol, I have this urge to grab the bottle and stash it in a secret place. And this plane, I don't know why I come there. I don't need to sleep, I can't sleep. Sometimes I just sit there and listen to some old voices singing about problems that can't even start to compare to today world's problems. What is some singer's broken heart to someone like me, who lives, though has no heart. And, literally. Though if my heart was a living organ, I would still say about myself that I don't have a heart, I suppose.
When I get realy hungry (right now, yes, right now I can feel the overwhelming sense of starvation) I go to grab my best friend ( by the best friend I mean this guy by whom I stand from time to time and we almost have conversation, like, I grunt and him and he sometimes grunts back, wow, laugh all you want, this is the most you can get as the communication between the dead is concerned) and with a group of other hungry, dead mates we go to the City, to look for food.
=
The big, scary face on the screen looks at them gravely. General's voice echoes between the walls.
“This is what is demanded of you. This is what others were doing for months and years. Behind the Wall, there are supplies, cans, medicines that we need, and we need a lot of them. Remember, soldiers. The Corpses look like human, but hey are not. You may find your mothers or brothers out there, but these are just their bodies. They are dead. They can't feel love or remorse, they don't talk. So when you see a Corpse, you shoot them straight to the head. If you remember all your training, you will return. Just keep that in mind that it's better to die than get bitten.”
Jehan looks at Enjolras and Combeferre with a small smile. Combeferre squeezes his arm reassuringly, but Jehan shakes his head.
“I just wonder that if anyone really tried, and if our powers focused not on the army and guns, but more on medicine, maybe we would be able to find a cure?”
“Well, general Javert prefers shooting the Corpes than bothering to find somebody to work on a cure. He tries to turn everyone into his army rather than having anyone trained for doctors.” Enjolras snaps, his voice way too loud for a place where the General reigns. Combeferre sighs and nods his head, hinting the way, so Jehan and Enjolras go with him.
“We don't even need training. You know, Joly, if only had a place, and time, and chance, could do some experiments.”
“But he doesn't have time for this as general Javert sends him to patrols every day.” Jehan chuckles and Enjolras shoots him a sharp look.
“Sorry, I'm not laughing at Joly, just, do you realise it's like, you speak in italics when you talk about the General?” and at that, Combeferre laughs, too. Enjolras frowns, but there's a small smile wandering on his lips.
“Will you believe me if I said it was on purpose?”
=
It takes us some time before we reach the city. If we were more coordinated, it will be probably quicker, but as with every move each of us feels like one or another limb is to fall off- it's rather uncomfortable, you know. So we just like to take things slow.
It was easier before they built the Wall. There was a lot of people out there, who had thought that maybe they stood a chance. Right now, almost all of them(the ones that survived, that is, which is, I presume, not many) are hidden behind a huge Wall, and only from time to time they are let out, to look for food and supplies. When we're lucky, we get to them first.
But usually, it's the Soldiers.
Um, I think this is only me calling them Soldiers, though. They are more like Skeletons. They are the dead, just like us. But they are not like us at all. They are only bones and quick moves and holes in their eyes; they are really lean and tall, with no flesh, and sometimes I think they live on darkness. I have this feeling that if it ever comes to the point where all the living will die, the Soldiers will feast upon us, upon those the more “alive” dead(what am I even saying?).
I could be almost sorry for the Soldiers, because, you know- they were humans once, and before becoming the royality od the dead, they were simple peasants like me or my group. I mean, the Soldiers are simply those of us who gave up. You know, I'm not exalting, but I have my little hobbies and habits, ha, I even have a best friend with whom I can grunt endlessly; and the Skeletors are simply reduced to their need to devour. Which makes them better predators, too.
As we pass by the buildings and blocks we hear a slurping noise. A liver flies into the air and ends up under our feet. We look up, and the dark holes of eyes stare at us, so we quickly move on. We are dead, but I think that whatever Skeletons have to offer, it can't be nice, even for someone like me, who can't feel a thing.
=
The backpacks are ready, everyone ties their shoes and checks each other, whether everything is perfect. It is.
It always is, Enjolras thinks, and still, they always come back with at least one person less. Sometimes, he wants to scream and just set Javert on fire. Who picked such a man as their leader? That oldman has no common sense. He just wants to keep them here forever, and sends them on suicidal missions. This plague came from somewhere. Enjolras knew it had to be something that happened because of humans, so the humans were to cure it. But Javert was too stubborn.
So Enjolras had a plan. A stupid one, but how long is he supposed to live and do nothing? He will become like the living dead, the only difference will be his beating heart.
Combeferre will help him with the plan, which is good. Few days ago, they talked to Joly and it turned out that all he needs to start conducting the experiments is a living dead, so they can keep him somewhere and experiment on him.
The Corpses don't feel, so it won't be unhumanitarian.
Though, he still doesn't want to tell Jehan, and that's why one part of him whispers you know this isn't right.
=
We hear some noises and my friend looks up. There are people in the building, we can smell them. If we were more alive, we would nod and give each other encouraging and approving looks, but as we're dead, we just slowly and quietly grunt and climb the building's stairs.
=
“Lots of medicine.” Jehan murmurs. Enjolras just silently packs everything to his bag and looks around from time to time. It's getting darker, and it's not a good sign, as their visions aren't getting better and it will be harder to spot the dead or to find the way home(not that he doesn't know it by heart). Combeferre nudges Montparnasse, who sits on the floor with his back on the desk and does something on his DS.
“Parnasse, come on” Jehan smiles at him, but the boy doesn't change his position and keeps playing Legends of Zelda.
“Seriously. How is Javert expecting we survive this thing with soldiers like this one?” Combeferre mouths to Enjolras who would smile, but unfortunately Javert's name gives him cramps so he just walks by to Montparnasse with a serious face, which makes the younger boy stand up(though, when after a moment Enjolras turns around to pick more medicine, Montparnasse turns his DS on again). Combeferre rolls his eyes and stands next to Jehan.
“Anything there?” he asks. Jehan shrugs and grabs everythings in the reach of his hand. Combeferre sighs. This, this is why they should let on patrols Joly. He's one of these who knows what to take. They just grab everything. And Javert keeps Joly around the base in case anything happens to soldiers. For God's sake.
Suddenly, Jehan startles. He looks at Combeferre with widen eyes and puts his index finger to his mouth, and looks around, alarmed. Combeferre looks at him with raised eyebrows, and Jehan waves his hand at Enjolras.
“I think I heard something.”
Enjolras wrinkles his eyebrows and nods, pulling out a gun. And Combeferre says:
“This is our chance. We should seize one.” Jehan looks at them, confused, and after a moment he realises.
“Oh, no, no, no, you're not going to-” but he is interrupted as the doors open with a loud bang and everything drowns in the noises of gunshots and ripped bodies and-
=
-we burst in, and I feel hunger and my instincts scream flesh and brains(as there are people) and danger (as the people carry guns and knives).
And suddenly I’m blinded by sun, shining so brightly as he shoots few of the dead behind me. I fell, but my eyes follow his movements; he is fierce and fast and sure. He never misses, and I would say that I held my breath for a moment, if not for the fact that I wasn’t breathing at all. Dead people don’t.
I want to watch him forever, because watching him makes me feel almost alive and I don’t want to stop staring and tracing his movements with my eyes but-
the guy stands too close and seems so tasty and is too slow and I’m too hungry, so for a moment I forget about the golden sun with a machine gun and just taste the promise of the brains and he slips and then i feel his flesh under my fingers and hungerhungerhunger and then his brain so delicious, many memories, many memories that are
about the golden Sun, and I almost choke as I realise I ate the Sun’s best friend.
But I learn the name of this determined goldhaired God- Enjolras.
And I look around, and see him losing his gun, crouching behind a table, and the dead in front of us still too lost in the process of eating, but soon they will stop and will feel the flesh that is still breathing so I walk( no, not really, it’s more of a stumble) to him;
his eyes are wide and he looks around for a gun that isn’t there, and he reaches for a knife, for anything that will be useless but will make him feel safer.
“Enjol..ras..” I mumble and my voice feels even more dead than I am. He looks shocked and I stare at him, but now we both see the dead start losing their interest in the prey; I try making a shhh noise but I don’t think I suceed so I just take some of the blood covering me (blood of his best friend) and I smear it all over his left cheek. His eyes widen even more, and he would cry, if he wasn’t so proud;
I repeat his name, and then say something he won’t believe for many, many days.
“You….safe”
I=
Enjolras breathes heavily, but he refuses to blink or let his sight slip from the body in front of him, the dead body that just-
didn't eat him, which is a surprising turn of events; a dead body that just talked; a dead body that just said his name.
“You...safe... nuuurgh...” the Corpse grunts, and Enjolras suddenly understands. He smells more like the dead now, so they won't notice him. And then, that dead body pulls on his arm and he is being dragged in the middle of the Corpses' group and he catches the sight of Jehan's terrified eyes from under another table and he sees a question written on his face, what are you doing, and Enjolras feels same horror spreading in his eyes because he honestly doesn't know.
=
We walk on, and we walk on. And Enjolras, the sun, the God, walks beside me. I don't know what I feel, but this feels better than anything I've felt my entire dead life. It's not better than eating brains, but I guess there's nothing that can top that. I just know.. that I'm even more confused than that last time I got lost at the unknown part of the airport.
I'm dragging a human into the nest of the dead. Where the Soldiers lurk around. And it's the first human that I don't want to eat. Okay, a part of me wants to get his brain. But I control it, and with every minute I taste the faint smell of his skin I know I'm getting less and less hungry(well, Enjolras' friend's brain is still in my pocket, or rather what's left of it, and I'm leaving it for later, so I'm 99% sure I won't attack him on a whim and crack his gold head to get the brains- I have a brain supply so I won't get hungry soon.
But wow, the mere idea of Enjolras dead body makes me slightly sick. Figuratively speaking. Because I'm dead. I don't get sick. But I just know I don't want this human to die.)
And this really surprises me.
Man, what am I doing?