Chapter Text
~present: 4 months since ground zero~
(August 15th)
Dan arrived at the train station near the convention center an hour early, his stomach felt like it was continuously twisting itself into knots. He sat on a bench and waited, consistently going between the emotions of excitement and wanting to throwing up into the nearest bin. Then he waited some more, trying to focus on something other than his body’s sudden need to eject every organ inside itself. Dan passed the time by practicing what he was going to say when he came face to face with-
Oh Christ I don’t think I can do this
Suddenly over the intercom he heard the announcement of the train’s arrival and he stood up as the train pull into the station, anxiety pounding in his chest. He watched as the doors opened and his eyes steadily drifted over the multitudes of bustling people, scanning for the familiar raven hair.
Then he saw him, stepping out of the train. It was Phil - standing only a 20 feet away. His fringe hung a little longer than the last time he’d seen him and he seemed to be a little thinner, but it was still Phil .
He watched as his blue eyes searched through the masses and Dan’s voice got caught in his throat as he tried to call his name. He raised his hand to wave when suddenly their eyes met and he felt like he had been struck by lightning.
A huge grin split across Phil’s face, and suddenly Dan remembered how to move again, hardly even noticing the people he pushed through.
They meet each other in some where in the middle and Dan wasted no time in wrapping his arms around Phil and burying him in his chest. He took a deep breath, breathing him in because it’s Phil he’s here it’s Phil.
“I missed you,” Phil said against his chest and it only made Dan’s arms constrict around him tighter.
“I missed you too,” he echoed, closing his eyes trying to take it all in. He let out a choked laugh, “I missed you so much.”
They hold on to each other probably longer than appropriate, but neither of the two seemed to care. Dan, to overcome with joy, could never imagine letting Phil go. He never wants to let go again. Then, as if on cue, that dark little voice in that back of his head whispered in his ear.
That’s not your decision, he can leave again whenever he wants and you can’t stop him.
Swallowing hard, Dan silenced the terrible thought trying to focus on the moment - on Phil’s body against his.
He’s here now and that’s all that matters.
After clinging to him for several more moments Dan reluctantly pulled away from the embrace, smiling down at him. Phil’s previous grin had shrunk into a smaller purely content smile; the private smile that even Dan had only gotten to see on rare occasions.
Unable to help himself, his hand found itself caressing the side of Phil face gently. “Hey,” Dan whispered, thumb stroking the other’s cheek.
Phil ducked his head smiling, a small blush appearing on his cheeks. “Hey,” Phil whispered back, slightly leaning into Dan’s hand.
Like a cold bucket of water thrown at him, he suddenly remembered that they were in public and Dan let his hand drop to Phil’s shoulder. “Ready to go?”
Phil nodded his head. “Yeah, let’s go.”
Dan reached down and picked up Phil’s luggage, despite the other’s protests, and led the way out of the station, rambling on about god-knows-what. His nervousness causing him to stutter and pause awkwardly.
But as the conversation progressed, they fell back into their old pattern. Dan was quickly reminded what it was about them that made them work - their chemistry - the way they just clicked back into place, like two puzzle pieces. Fit just for each other.
They hugged like nothing bad had happened between them. They talked like Phil hadn’t left for months. They laughed like Dan hadn’t spent days and weeks trying to pull himself back together because he couldn’t fix things he had failed-
They smiled like they hadn’t been apart for more than a moment.
It felt good.
~~~
The convention days went by quickly - in a whirlwind of meet-and-greets, panels, hugs, and more selfies than he could ever imagine counting - and Dan was beginning to feel all the commotion weighing down on him.
Phil had been the sole driving force to keep him going on the past days - going to most of Dan’s events, but just staying behind the scenes. The first two day weren’t as exhausting as he’d thought, but by the last day he was completely drained. However, having no obligations that day besides the final ‘goodbye’ stage event at the end of the day, he had every reason to just sleep the day away - and that’s what he had planned to do. Until he heard a knock on his hotel door.
Groaning into his pillow he rolled over, hoping whoever it was would just go away. Then there was another knock. Dan let out another loud sound of annoyance, reaching for a pillow to cover his ears so he could just fucking sleep-
“Dan? Are you in there?” Phil’s muffled voice filtered through the door.
Dan’s eyes flew open at the sound of his voice, sitting straight up. He stumbled out of bed clumsily, calling out, “Yeah, I’m here! Just a second!”
He hurried to the door, quickly stopping by the mirror in an abysmal attempt to fix the nest of hair on his head before opening the it for Phil.
“Hey,” Dan greeted, really hoping that he didn’t look like he’d just woken up ten seconds ago.
“Good morning, Dan! I hope I didn’t wake you…” Phil said, uncertainty creeping into his tone.
“No, no. Of course not,” Dan lied, “You look nice,” He quickly changed the subject, gesturing to Phil’s clothes - who was wearing his long sleeved blue button-up with the black hearts with the sleeves rolled up and a pair of black skinny jeans.
“Thank you! I’ve got a meet-and-greet today, so I figured I’d try to look presentable.” Phil smiled at him and Dan noticed a twinge of nervousness in his eyes. He stood there in the awkwardly in the hallway for a moment. “Um… Can I come in?”
Dan wanted to smack himself in the face. “Oh, of course!” He shook his head beratingly, moving to Phil inside. “I’m sorry, I should have just-”
“It’s fine, Dan,” Phil interjected, laughing softly. He walked inside and Dan shut the door behind him.
“So what do you have going on today?” Phil asked as he sat down on the foot of Dan’s bed, fiddling with the ends of the sheets.
“Well,” Dan said, “I don’t have anything till the ‘closing ceremony’. Plus, we have that party tonight so we can hang out with everybody before they leave.” He watched as Phil picked more at the sheets.
“Phil…” Dan gently prompted, causing Phil to look up at him. “Are you okay? You kind of seem a little” - he gestured to the sheets - “distracted.”
Phil swallowed, looking down at his hands. “Sorry, I guess I’m just nervous. I have my meet-and-greet today and…” he trailed off, closing his eyes.
Dan walked over and sat next to him. “Hey, listen to me,” he said softly, and Phil glanced up at him. “You’ve got nothing to be nervous about. Everyone here loves you! You’ll do great, I’m sure of it.”
“It’s just-” Phil bit his lip, blue eyes turning into seas of anxiety. “What if people start to ask questions? I mean, I’ve been gone for so long they all probably want to know and-” he buried his face in his hands, breathing harshly. “I’m sorry,” he choked out.
“Hey, it’s okay,” Dan comforted and hesitantly laid a hand over his shoulders, not sure if he’d want to be touched. Relieved when Phil leaned into his touch, Dan pulled him into a hug. “Everything will be okay, just breathe,” he whispered into his ear. “You’ll be okay.”
Once Phil had calmed down he pulled away from the embrace, wiping his eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think I was going to be this bad today,” he sniffed.
Dan signed, putting a hand on Phil’s knee. “Phil, you know you never have to apologize for having anxiety. It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”
Phil didn’t say anything, searching Dan’s eyes and looking away. Dan cleared his throat and asked, “So what time’s your thing at?”
“In about two hours.” Phil replied, looking grateful for the change of subject. He smiled nervously. “It’s kinda strange doing this when having been away for so long.”
Dan nodded. He paused a moment before hesitantly asking, “Do you… want me to come with you?”
O-Oh, Dan… You- You don’t have to…” Phil stuttered. “I mean- I know that you were looking forward to doing nothing today and-”
“Phil,” Dan said softly as he grabbed his hand. “I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t want to do it. If you want me to be there I will.”
Phil smiled at him, squeezing his hand back. “Then yes, Dan. I’d love it if you came.”
~~~
@phanielhowell
SITC UPDATE: DAN WAS AT PHIL’S MEET AND GREET. I REPEAT: DAN WAS AT PHIL’S MEET AND GREET. PHAN HAS BEEN REUNITED. SOMEONE HOLD ME
@phxnislove
does anyone have pics of dan at phils m&g bc im dying to see
@lesterlove
psa: remember to still respect phil’s boundaries. just bc he’s at sitc doesn’t mean you should ask him with questions about why he was gone
@sleepyphil
LIKE I CAN’T EVEN MY OTP IS BACK PEOPLE #phanatsitc @amazingphil @danisnotonfire
~~~
Just as Dan had assured, Phil’s meet and greet had gone perfectly well. All of the people there to see Phil were nothing but friendly, never being invasive or doing anything that would make him uncomfortable. The rest of the day flew by and suddenly the convention was over.
Now Dan stood talking to Louise as everyone departed.
“Will you two be okay?” Louise asked, her eyes gazing pointedly at Phil.
Dan looked over to where he was, standing with the other remaining youtubers. He watched as Phil said goodbye to their friends, openly accepting their hugs and good wishes. He watched as the one who used to flinch from touch didn’t flinch as Tyler bear hugged him. He watched as the joy glimmered in the once empty eyes.
The smile wasn’t fake now.
Dan felt a burn in his throat and he smiled at Louise. “Yeah,” he said as he watched Phil wave goodbye to the others and start to walk over. “I think that we’re gonna be okay.”
Louise smiled back and pulled him into a hug. “I’m happy for you two, Dan,” she whispered in his eyes. She pulled away, smile a little smaller now. “You both deserve to be happy together.”
Dan rested a hand on her shoulder. “Thank you, Louise. For everything.”
She brushed it off, “That’s what amazing friends like me are for, aren’t they?” Dan laughed and nodded. “I’ll hear from you soon, yeah?” she asked as she started to walk away. “You too, Phil?” she added as Phil walked over.
Phil laughed. “Of course, Louise.” Louise gave them both a final hug and waved goodbye. They both watched as she walked away and then Phil turned towards Dan. His blue eyes shone brightly and Dan felt his insides twist a little at the sight, just for now letting himself think we’re going to be okay.
“Ready to go home?” Phil asked, holding out his hand.
Dan stared at the hand, eyes burning slightly. He reached out and grabbed it. “Yeah…” he choked out, squeezing his hand tightly. “Let’s go home.”