Chapter Text
“Has anybody updated Dad recently?” Mikey reached for the package of hot dogs in the fridge before slamming the door shut.
“I believe Raph did after we got out of the lake.” Donnie commented, not looking up from his phone.
“Okay, good,” Mikey set the package down on the counter and went back to cutting up the watermelon sitting on the island, “Where’s Leo?”
“He’s showering,” Raph walked in, pulling the rest of his gray sleeveless hoodie over his plastron, “I just got out.”
“Also good,” Mikey chopped a couple of cubes out of the rows of watermelon, “He needed one.”
“Agreed.” Donnie chimed in again.
“Guys-” Raph hissed.
“We were just kidding Raph, calm down.” Mikey giggled at his own joke, “I figured we could use this time to talk about what we wanna do tomorrow anyways.”
“Good idea,” Donnie finally put his phone down and became present in the conversation.
“What do you guys have in mind?” Raph asked and crossed his arms over his plastron.
————————————
Leo let the warm water run over him as he stood in the shower. After getting out of the colder lake water a couple of hours ago, this shower was exactly what he needed.
It was probably the best shower Leo had ever taken considering the sewer water wasn’t the most sanitary, but hey, Donnie tried his best with the filtering system.
He let out a content sigh, wrapping his arms around himself and turning to let the water run over his shell. He closed his eyes.
Today had been a good day.
It started out a little rough this morning, but other than that, it had been… fun.
He had gotten to walk around outside, swim in the lake, and most importantly, hang out with his brothers. That’s all he’d really wanted this trip, but his brothers went above and beyond for him, which he greatly appreciated.
So… Why was he still thinking about the nightmare?
Leo suddenly opened his eyes again, not moving them from the spot he had fixated on.
It just felt so… vivid.
Like he was reliving it again when it happened.
There was a part of him that felt stupid for feeling this way. For still being upset. For still thinking about it even on vacation.
It was like a shadow constantly following him, waiting to catch him off guard and-
“Hey Leo?”
The muffled voice he assumed belonged to Mikey followed a knock on the door.
Leo blinked a couple of times before shaking his head lightly, whipping his head in the direction of the bathroom door.
“Uh, y-yeah?”
“Dinner’s ready! Come join us after you’re done!”
“Oh, uh, okay! Thanks, Mike!” Leo uncrossed his arms and grabbed for the soap. He didn’t want to keep his brothers waiting, especially if Mikey was cooking again.
He quickly grabbed his washcloth and rubbed the bar of soap onto it until suds formed.
Leo quietly thanked Mikey for saving him from his own thoughts. He hated feeling like this.
After he had finished washing up, Leo shut the water off and dried himself. He felt so clean compared to when he would finish showering back at the lair.
He threw the towel over his shoulder and attempted to look at his reflection in the mirror that was covered in fog. Silently, he was kind of glad he didn’t have to see what he looked like right now, it would most likely make him feel worse anyway.
The mirror immediately began to defog once Leo opened the bathroom door, the wall of cooler air outside of the bathroom hitting him.
He walked down the hall to his and Donnie’s room, swiftly tossing the towel he used into the laundry room before walking through the doorway. His hoodie was neatly folded on the bottom bunk bed and was still a bit warm from being taken out of the dryer. Probably Raph’s doing.
He tossed the hoodie over his shell and sighed when the warmth of the fabric hit his skin.
After fumbling with the hem, Leo shook himself out and walked around the bunk bed to grab his phone from the charger. He checked the time before shoving it in his front pocket and heading to the kitchen to meet his brothers for dinner.
He was surprised the cabin wasn’t louder at this hour. He would have thought his brothers would be laughing up a storm.
He was even more surprised to see his brothers nowhere to be found when he rounded the corner.
Where were they?
Leo stood puzzled for a moment, the millions of negative possibilities flooding into his brain before Mikey’s muffled voice lead him to peer through the sliding door.
Oh, there they are.
He breathed a heavy sigh of relief. He was glad his brothers didn’t just up and leave him stranded at this log cabin like one of his invasive thoughts led him to believe.
Ok Leo, gotta flip your mood. Your brothers are doing all of this for you. You might wanna show them you actually appreciate it.
He gently pulled open the door and watched as all three of his brothers’ heads craned in his direction.
“There he is! We’re cooking some hot dogs, you want one?” Mikey excitedly stabbed a hot dog onto a roasting stick and held it out for Leo to take. Leo walked down the steps of the deck with a slight smile.
A cookout? Leo couldn’t even remember the last time they did one of these, or if they ever did one at all.
“That sounds great, little brother. Thank you.” Leo approached Mikey and grabbed the stick from him, wrapping his other arm around him and giving his forehead a quick peck. Mikey giggled and embraced Leo’s affection.
“Hey, why don’t I ever get one of those?” Raph fake whined, already halfway through his first hot dog.
“What?” Leo smirked and let Mikey go, “You want a kiss from me too, Big Raphie?” He made his way over to the chair Raph was sitting in and placed a dramatic kiss on his forehead.
“Much better,” Raph grinned before shoving the rest of his hot dog into his mouth. Leo chuckled and looked to Donnie, whose eyes were glued to his phone, as usual.
“Does Don-Don want a kiss too?” Leo teased in a baby voice, laughing when Donnie’s face lit up in disgust.
“I’m actually okay, thanks.” He spat out, “I don’t want your ugly lips anywhere near me.”
Leo scoffed and held his arms out for a hug, “You don’t mean that Dee! C’mere! Give your favorite brother a kiss!” He slowly stomped his way over to Donnie’s chair.
“Leo! Get away from me!” Donnie jumped out of his chair, ready to run if Leo decided to pursue him further. Leo’s smile turned into a smug grin as he advanced towards Donnie, who backed away the closer he got. Leo stopped moving once he stood in front of Donnie’s chair, going back and forth between eyeing the chair and Donnie.
Donnie furrowed his brows, fully expecting his brother to leap over the chair. He knew how Leo was, and he had calculated every move Leo could make. Leo would never-
“-Why thank you, Donnie! That was so sweet of you to give up your seat for me!” Leo spun on his heel and plopped himself down in the chair.
Donnie’s jaw dropped slightly at the twist he wasn’t expecting. Mikey’s amused giggles rang out over the crackling fire. Raph almost chocked on his hot dog.
Okay, Donnie might have made a miscalculation.
“Ooh, so comfy too!” Leo rubbed salt in the wound, settling into the chair further for dramatic effect.
“You- I- uh… how did I not see that coming?” Donnie stood there baffled, his shoulders slumping in defeat.
Leo shrugged and giggled to himself, he thought he was quite amusing if you asked him.
“You suck, Nardo.” Donnie flicked the back Leo’s head. Leo yelped at the sudden touch and brought one arm up to rub his so-called injury.
“Can’t get mad at me for outsmarting you, Don-Don.” Leo tilted his head over the back of the chair and grinned at his twin before rolling his eyes dramatically, “I guess I’ll be a good brother and give you your seat back though.” Leo almost gave himself whiplash from hopping off the chair. He didn’t want to genuinely piss Donnie off.
“I appreciate that.” Donnie grumbled, quickly replacing Leo in the chair and whipping out his phone.
“So dramatic, this one.” Leo playfully rolled his eyes to Mikey and Raph before moving around the fire to the empty seat across from Donnie’s chair.
Leo watched the fire dancing in front of him as he stuck his roasting stick over the flame. There was something so mesmerizing about the faint reds and brilliant oranges that grabbed his attention immediately.
His slight smile fell gradually. He didn’t know how long he had been blankly staring into the fire, but he had this eerie feeling of deja vu that wouldn’t go away.
He closed his eyes.
A flash of New York plagues his mind. The memory of a building in the distance up in flames. His view shifts to the sky, the colors of brilliant orange littered with faint reds. Standing out against them, the Technodrome.
The Kraang.
Leo doesn’t even realize his jaw is clenched. The lines from his furrowed brow ridge look sculpted into his face. His lips are pressed into a thin line. His breathing is thrown off.
“Nardo?”
Leo’s eyes snap open, and he flicks them upwards to Donnie before darting around to his other brothers. Mikey and Ralph are also staring at him with concerned looks.
“You alright there, bud? You just zoned out for like five minutes.” Donnie was still sitting in his lounged position, but wasn’t staring at his propped up phone for once.
That was five minutes? There was no way.
“Yeah? Why wouldn’t I be?” He put on a smile, hoping it would put his brothers at ease. Also possibly to get them off his back a little bit, he wasn’t helpless.
“I think your hot dog might be done.” Mikey commented. Leo turned his head to look at his hot dog, which is charred everywhere except for the side that was facing away from the fire.
“I suppose it is.” Leo chuckled, raising it into the air and spinning it to see the black skin burnt to a crisp.
“Do you want another one?” Mikey offered, reaching over to the table and grabbing the package of hot dogs.
“That would be great,” Leo took them awkwardly, carefully sliding the burnt one off into the fire with his finger.
“Anyways…” Raph interjected the awkward silence, “Did you guys have fun today?”
Mikey’s eyes immediately lit up upon hearing Raph’s question, his mouth going a mile a minute as he vividly explained his favorite parts of the day. Leo smiled, making sure not to burn his hot dog this time.
————————————
Leo slid the sliding door shut as he walked back inside the cabin, the dying fire being the only visible light other than the moonlight peeking through the trees.
“You were sitting out there alone for a while, you okay?” Raph commented from across the kitchen, currently filling up a glass with water from the fridge. He had on a tight, white tank top, some deep red sweatpants, and his headgear, giving him a slight lisp as he spoke.
“Oh, yeah,” Leo brushed it off, “Just trying to enjoy the rest of the day before bed.” He smiled softly.
Raph had a feeling it had to do with whatever was on his mind earlier that night, but he didn’t want to pry.
“Well, if you need anything, you know I’m here.” He offered as Leo approached him, reaching his free arm out for a goodnight hug, which Leo took, “Night, bud, see you in the morning.”
“Sounds good!” Leo pulled away, watching Raph disappear down the hall and into the dimly lit master bedroom.
His smile fell as he turned around. The roasting sticks had been taken inside and washed by Mikey when he and Donnie turned in, but Mikey was probably the only one who actually went to bed when he said he would. He did like to be up early making breakfast for everyone after all.
Leo thought back to about an hour ago when Mikey had surprised them with s’mores. The taste of toasted marshmallow and chocolate lingered in his mouth, but there was a bitter pit in his stomach that he had to get out.
As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he needed to talk to Donnie.
Leo sighed deeply as he tiptoed down the hall towards his and Donnie’s bedroom, surprised to see the door wide open.
Leo popped his head into the room. Donnie had his goggles down over his eyes and was tinkering away at his portable lab. He looked so focused that Leo almost felt bad for even wanting to ask him. He knew it was a long shot anyways.
“Hey, uh Donnie?” Leo’s timid voice echoed lightly around the room. It was so odd not having everything echo so loudly like it did at home.
Donnie let out a a hum of acknowledgment, but didn’t move from his position of being slouched over the desk parallel to his queen bed.
“So, I know we were like, just outside, but, do you wanna go out on the lake with me?”
Donnie set his tools down, lifting up his goggles and turning to look at Leo, “Why?”
“I dunno, I just kinda felt like it.” Leo fumbled with his hands nervously, advancing closer to his bunk bed that he had neglected the night before. Donnie’s bed really was more comfortable, although he might have just been telling himself that because he wanted to be closer to someone else.
Donnie studied Leo’s nervousness as he grabbed his guitar case from the bottom bunk, his eyebrows furrowing upon seeing his brother’s hands slightly shake.
“What’s wrong, Leo?” Donnie took his goggles off of his head completely, setting them on the desk and swiveling the chair around to face his brother. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back in his seat, “I know something is bothering you.”
“What?” Leo whipped his head around, “Nothing is wrong! Why would anything be wrong? I’m completely fine!” He turned back and attempted to unzip his guitar case calmly, but his hands had gotten so shaky he couldn’t even try to play it off as such anymore.
Donnie sighed and bent over to stand up, using his hands to push off of his knees in the process, “Leo, I’m not kidding.” He walked closer to his twin, “You requested to sleep next to me this morning, you’ve been having random waves of depression ever since the lake earlier, and right now you’re shaking. Tell me what’s wrong.”
A beat of silence passed over them before Leo sighed and let out a pathetic chuckle, “I didn’t think you would even remember letting me crash in your bed this morning, honestly. You were like, half asleep.”
“You’d be surprised how much I remember, Nardo.” Donnie had no hint of sarcasm in his tone.
Leo bit his bottom lip and sighed again, “Well, I… Um… I dunno, I-“
“-I’ll go out on the lake if you tell me.” Donnie bribed.
Damn it. Well played Don-Ton.
“Okayyy fine.” Leo dragged the first word, wiping the corners of his eyes with his fingertips, “This morning I woke up from a… nightmare, I guess? It was more-so just a flashback to the day when Dad… um, y’know, put me in jail, I guess? Anyways, I dunno, it just got me overthinking about the Kraang, and the prison dimension, and being stuck underground for like a month, and I didn’t want to make you guys feel like this trip wasn’t helping because it really is, and-“
“-Woah, woah, Leo.” Donnie placed a hand on his shoulder, immediately getting his brother to shut his mouth, “I figured as such. We really need to introduce you to some coping mechanisms.”
Leo opened his mouth to say something before Donnie immediately shut him down, “Other- coping mechanisms. Not jokes.”
Leo slowly closed his jaw in defeat.
Donnie placed his other hand on Leo’s other shoulder and sighed, “Look, Leo, I understand that this is all very hard for you to deal with, believe me, it was hard on all of us, but the only way you’ll start to move on is with time. It’s not going to happen overnight, and that’s okay. But you also know that we are here to help you. You are not bothering us by asking for help, you dingus. That’s what we’re here for. That’s why we’re here.” Donnie unconsciously squeezed Leo’s shoulders tighter and tighter as he comforted him.
Leo stared at his brother for a moment, allowing himself to process what Donnie just threw at him.
“Wow, that was… definitely not something I’m used to hearing from you.” Leo blinked his eyes a couple of times, “Have you been talking to Dr. Feelings lately?”
“No, that was my own wisd- of course I’ve been talking to Dr. Feelings.” Donnie cut himself off mid-sentence, pushing himself backwards using Leo’s shoulders, “You know I’m not good at the whole feelings thing.”
“I know, it was just unexpected, and it kinda hit harder hearing it from you honestly.” Leo kept eye contact with Donnie for a couple more seconds before dropping his gaze and staring at a random spot on the rug below his feet.
Donnie sighed and crossed his arms over his plastron, letting the silence take over the room. He pouted his lips in thought before letting out a huff and rolling his eyes.
“Okay, bozo, grab your guitar. We’re going out on the lake.”
————————————
Leo reached over the side of the boat and grabbed his guitar from the dock, pushing them away from the shore with his free hand.
“Anything else you’ve learned to play on that?” Donnie asked, dragging an oar through the water and propelling them further into the middle of the lake.
Leo positioned his guitar on his lap, thinking about Donnie’s question. He started plucking a couple of strings.
“Well, I learned how to play the Jupiter Jim theme a little while back.” Leo shrugged, the tune hitting Donnie’s ears with familiarity. Donnie nodded, confirming that he recognized the theme.
Leo stopped abruptly and hesitated before getting his fingers in position again, plucking another tune that Donnie couldn’t quite make out. It still sounded nice though.
Donnie went back to paddling, listening to Leo’s guitar and slight humming overshadow the cicadas and crickets.
Leo had been absentmindedly playing this song after about a minute, shifting his focus to the ripples created by Donnie’s oar.
The light of the almost full moon shone brightly down on the lake, illuminating them in a pale blue light. The warm glow of a couple of fireflies flickered every so often. But it still too dark for Leo. Especially when he looked into the thick wooded areas surrounding the lake where the moonlight couldn’t touch. He turned to look at Donnie again.
“Hey, Don, did you happen to bring any kind of lantern?”
Donnie scrunched his face in uncertainty, “I unfortunately didn’t think to grab one, but segue… I do have this neat little party trick I’ve been working on.” He placed the oar on his lap.
Leo grabbed the neck of his guitar and placed it in between his legs as Donnie closed his eyes and scrunched his face in concentration.
“Um… what’re you doing?” Leo tilted his head to the side, “You look like you’re trying to shit yourself.”
Donnie’s eyes flicked open halfway and pierced into Leo’s, who muttered out a string of giggly apologies upon receiving Donnie’s glare. Donnie sighed and closed his eyes once again.
He tried to look less constipated this time.
Leo sat patiently as he waited for Donnie’s so called “party trick” to take place. He rested his elbow on his knee and cupped his face in his hand, letting out a small huff of impatience.
Slowly but surely, Donnie’s marks started to glow, the purple hue emanating from his shoulders through his hoodie and the markings on his upper thighs. Leo sat up a little straighter.
The markings looked as if they were peeling from his skin, his signature purple ninpō beginning to swirl around the boat as more of it appeared from his markings. Each piece broke into little square and rectangle fragments as they circled them.
Donnie opened his eyes and gave a satisfied smile. The ninpō slowed to almost a halt, occasionally drifting in the air as they pleased.
“So… whatcha think? Pretty spectacular am I right?” Donnie gloated, clearly entertained by his own abilities.
Leo’s mouth had been slightly hanging open due to the shock, “Actually… yeah. That was pretty spectacular I have to admit.” He reached up to touch a fragment, which only passed through his hand upon swiping at it.
“How’d you do that?” Leo whipped his head in Donnie’s direction. “I wanna know!”
“Well, I dunno if you possess the same abilities that I do, but we can certainly attempt it.” Donnie shrugged. “Okay, so do you remember that feeling we got when we gained our mystic abilities back?” Donnie placed a hand in the center of his plastron.
Leo nodded, sitting up straight and mimicking what Donnie was doing. His eyes watched patiently as Donnie gathered his thoughts.
“You wanna try to draw from that same area, but essentially release it from your markings to get the desired result.” Donnie explained.
“I think I get what you mean.” Leo recalled the feeling of getting his ninpō back, closing his eyes breathing deeply to activate that area.
He could feel it, but the next part was gonna be harder.
Okay, release it from the markings.
Leo subconsciously pushed the energy through his body, feeling it settle in his upper arms, upper thighs, and face. He squinted his eyes harder and released the energy, his skin turning cold when it left his skin. Upon opening his eyes, the familiar glow of his own ninpō joined Donnie’s in the air.
“I’m annoyed you got that so quickly.” Donnie huffed, but his face didn’t match his tone. He smiled at the cool glow of their shapes, his eyes reflecting the colors in awe.
The two sat in silence, something Leo felt they did a lot now that he thought about it, but he supposed they didn’t need to talk to communicate sometimes.
“Right, back to business, tell me more about what’s happening with you.” Donnie’s eyes flicked in Leo’s direction suddenly, settling on him.
It’s like Donnie could read his mind and was trying to prove him wrong.
Leo’s lips pressed into a thin line and he sighed, “I… don’t know how to describe it other than… it’s like a shadow constantly following me. I can’t get rid of it.” He slowly but surely spilled it out.
Donnie’s eyes squinted a little, breaking his gaze on Leo as he stared at the ripples in the water. Leo did the same as he waited for Donnie’s response, occasionally darting his eyes back to his brother.
It took seemingly forever for Donnie’s response, but finally, he pursed his lips and let out a deep breath.
“I’m not gonna sugar coat it. You’re right, it’s like a shadow. You always have one, and it’s essentially a part of you.” Donnie commented, sitting in deep thought for a moment before speaking again, “What we go through in our lives will always be a part of us. But the way I see it, we can either let it take over our lives, or we can keep it a shadow: A part of us that we cast away and give no second thoughts to until we remember it exists. But you need light to have a shadow. You can’t have one without the other. They exist together, but ultimately, it’s up to you to choose which one to concentrate on.”
Leo blinked a couple of times as he stared in shock at his twin for the second time in twenty minutes.
Was he looking at the right person right now? Where did Donnie pull that from?
“I- uh… Woah-“ Leo dropped his jaw in shock, “Okay, seriously, since when did you become Dr. Philosophy?”
“Hey, some people say Philosophy is a science. I’m the science guy, remember?” Donnie shrugged as if what he said wasn’t earth-shattering for Leo’s mental state.
“Mikey says it’s an art form, y’know, with all of the Renaissance guys being all Philosophical and stuff?” Leo countered.
“Not everyone from the Renaissance was an artist, Leo. In fact, Leonardo Da Vinci, the guy you’re named after, was not only an artist, but also a scientist and an inventor.” Donnie scowled back.
“But wasn’t Donatello just an artist?”
Leo knew that one hit a nerve.
Donnie deadpanned, “Why are we talking about this? We’re supposed to be talking about your mental health.” He grumbled.
“Hey man, you brought out the philosophy stuff.” Leo held his hands up in defense, “But seriously, thank you for doing this. I know I’m not always the easiest to get along with, but I genuinely do love you guys. I’m just sorry I haven’t been better about showing my appreciation.” Leo almost looked ashamed.
“You don’t have to apologize, Nardo. We all show our appreciation in different ways. I mean, you’re talking to the king of low empathy here.” Donnie shrugged and gestured to himself.
“Give yourself some credit though, you’ve been getting better with it, I can tell. I mean, a year ago you definitely wouldn’t have been able to spout out the philosophical genius that you just did.” Leo praised him, giving him a genuine smile.
“Thanks, Leo.” Donnie smiled back, “I… I appreciate you.”
“I love you too, Don-Don.”
————————————
Leo and Donnie crept down the hall past Mikey’s room, parting ways as Leo slipped into the bathroom to get ready for bed. He figured he should probably brush his teeth considering he had forgotten to do so the previous night due to their sugar crash.
Leo pulled his hoodie off and left the bathroom, he could smell the campfire smoke that had clung to the fabric, it was oddly comforting.
He shut the door as Donnie turned the lamp on his desk off, leaving the room in darkness. Leo pulled his phone out and trekked over the the bunk bed, placing his guitar gently on the bed and throwing his hoodie on top of the case before plugging his phone in, leaving it on the dresser.
He climbed to the top bunk and allowed the coolness of the sheets to rest on his skin. He turned on his side and listened as Donnie got situated in his own bed.
Leo began thinking back to Donnie’s Philosophy speech, grinning to himself when thinking about their whole Renaissance debate.
He hadn’t really let Donnie’s words sink in until now.
“…But you need light to have a shadow. You can’t have one without the other. They exist together, but ultimately, it’s up to you to choose which one to concentrate on.”
It’s up to me.
It’s up to me.