Chapter Text
AG: Ok ok
AG: Ahem
AG: So you're pro8a8ly wondering why I gathered you in this memo
AG: I have a 8it of a pro8lem >::::0
EB: what is it vriska?
AG: Recently I've 8een fighting with terezi and they won't talk to me anymore!!!!!!!!
AG: Which is horri8le 8ecause this is totally interrupting my flarp streak....
EB: what happened between you two!?
EB: i thought you were best friends!
AG: The flighty 8road refused to give me my share of the gold after a successful campaign >::::(
AG: What a greedy 8itch! That's what I get for talking to the dragon kid
EB: aw that sucks!
AG: Thought they were all a8out justice.... ugh whatever!!!!
EB: she sucks!
AG: At this point I'll just make her gouge out her eyes!!!!!!!!
EB: she's so annoying to me!
AG: She's already 8lind, so that's off the ta8le..
AG: And I'm glad you share my thoughts egg kid >::::)
AG: Possi8ly may8e POSSI8LY.. we could get 8ack at them...
AG: Your mind is fee8le and useful anyways
AG: Perfect to 8end and mold to my will!
AG: I mean.. ignore that.
AG: >::::D
EB: hmmm i wonder what we could do to get revenge...
AG: We could always sell her arms and legs to the 8utcher
EB: preferably not a violent one. you already blinded her.
AG: Oh darn!!!!!!!!
AG: Now where's the fun in that??
AG: Well.. may8e I could mess around with her head..
EB: what if we... stole her scalemates...?
AG: I don't know.. sounds reasona8le enough. She's pro8a8ly hiding tresure in there!
AG: Wait, egg 8oy. You're close with her, aren't you?
EB: kind of? she mocks me sometimes.
AG: Hahahahahhahahahhahahaha...
AG: I could use YOU to 8reak her 8lood pumper!
AG: In the emotional sense........
EB: what do you mean???
AG: I have a feeling she would 8e particularly enraged once she sees me messing with you >:::)
AG: 8esides, youre fun to poke.
EB: do you want me to... like... pretend i'm in love with her???
EB: then break her heart????
AG: 8lagh!!!! The idea sounds a8solutely sickening. That just might 8e what we need though.
AG: Then again, that scalemate idea is good....
AG: I'm so conflicted a8out all this UGH.
AG: I wish I could 8lind her again. That worked pretty well last time.
EB: ewwww!!!! dating her sounds gross.
AG: I'm not particularly fond of the idea either.
AG: For reasons I will not share.
EB: but what would we do with the scalemates?
AG: HEY WAIT I GOT A COOL IDEA
EB: what?
AG: HOSTAGE SITUATION!!!!!!!!
AG: Kidnap those scale thingsduct tape them or something...
AG: Ask for the money 8ack!
EB: oh sweet!!!
EB: that sounds perfect!
AG: You happen to have any fake 8lood on you?
EB: uhhhh i think i had in my chest here in my room...
EB: here, found it!
AG: Perfect. Oh, and if we happen to not have enough? Get more, any means nessecary.
EB: i'll get all of it.
AG: This is going to 8e SICK.
AG: ALL THE 8LOOD
AG: ALL OF IT MWAHAHAHAHAHHHA
EB: wow! you sound like a cartoon villian haha!!
AG: Yeah I have a ha8it of sounding like that.
AG: Which is SILLY 8ecause I want to sound like a SERIOUS PIRATE!!!!!!!!
AG: You think mindfang sounded like doctor doofenshmirtz?!
AG: A8solutely not!
AG: May8e next on my list will 8e mending my voca8ulary.
EB: haha i hope she didn't!
AG: I really really hope so...
AG: I just can't stan someone so...
AG: Eugh.
AG: Incompetent.
EB: real, doofenshmirtz sucks.
AG: ::::p
EB: bill cipher is a way better villian.
AG: Eh.
AG: I like that guy...
AG: What's his name hold on
AG: That voodoo guy from princess and the frog!!!
AG: One of your human movies.
EB: oh yes!!!!
AG: I got friends on the other siiiiiiiide ::::)
AG: How fun!
EB: he's awesome too!
AG: 8ut like
AG: Human movies suck 8tw
AG: So don't get too cocky
AG: ..... egg 8oy
EB: btw you want the fake blood codes?
AG: Yeah yeah sure make it quick.
EB: alright here
AG: Thanks- hold on let me set it up.
EB: f8k8l0od
EB: captchalogue that.
AG: Huh, how on the nose.
*2 minutes later*
AG: EG8ERT
AG: THE CAPSULES
AG: MY CLOTHES
EB: what???
EB: OH MY GOD DON'T TELL ME YOU...
EB: shit.
AG: UUUURRRRGGGGHHHH
AG: I look like a tomato SOUP.
AG: And distur8ingly smell like chocolate.
AG: UGH.
AG: Fine fine I'll just copy some more!!!!!!!!
EB: that sucks.
AG: I'll 8e scru88ing fake 8lood out of my carpet for days!!!!!!!!
AG: My mom is going to think I'm killing people!
AG: Which isn't too off...
EB: i mean, don't you?
AG: ....you a cop?
EB: no.
AG: Whatever whatever, next I need some duct tape. I'm sure I got some around here.
AG: (insert like 5 minutes pass lols)
AG: Ok ummmmm... got some. WE'RE GOOD.
EB: yes!!!
AG: All that's left is to get those scalemates. Terezi shouldn't 8e inside right now, hopefully.
EB: good luck out there!
AG: Eh... you too egg 8oy. You know you're dead if she catches you, right?
EB: oh shit...
EB: hope she doesn't.
AG: I'll pretend I've never met you, for your sake.
AG: Not that I care if you live or anything
AG: I totally h8 you
AG: Totally
EB: :(
AG: Wait hold on I just heard my window 8reak 8r8
*5 minutes 8r8k*
EB: oh my god....
AG: Ok so um. There's this 8rick
EB: oh.
AG: And it is covered in what I suspect is... teal 8lood.
AG: I am throughly disgusted.
AG: Hold on there's a note
EB: so someone did your job?
EB: read it
AG: I kinda hope no8ody did wanted to kill the 8road myself
AG: Hold on hold in
AG: Check this out - "no matter what the system entails, justice prevails. I deserve my cut." without a typing quick and everything.
AG: How edgy!!!!!!!!
EB: damn!!!
EB: she's rlly trying to creep you out.
AG: Gr8, now she's on my tail.
AG: Might have to actually kill this 8itch.
EB: wait don't!!
AG: Psssssssh... whatever man.
AG: Stay on lookout for any weird stuff in your place. Don't know how much she knows.
AG: I think I'm gonna have to make something to 8etter defend myself.
AG: I think I have spare die somewhere.
EB: you will fake your death?
AG: No you idiot!!!!!!!!
AG: I'm gonna make a new weapon with my dice!!!!
EB: oh wow!!!!
AG: *vriska then mixes her 8 dice and rocket 8oots to make - explosive dice. Depending on the roll, the impact will 8e just as severe.*
AG: Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!! Knew the 8om8s would come in handy.
EB: woah!!!!
AG: May8e if I use one of those old clunky doomsday devices to really fuck shit up. Nah, don't wanna destroy alternia.
AG: 8e on guard man!!!!!!!!
AG: She could 8e anywhere!!!!!!!!
EB: ok!!!
AG: .......dude I think I just heard like... rats or something..
AG: Like, scurrying.
EB: oh fuck
AG: 8r8.
AG: *vriska then proceeds to get up from his chair and look around the corner...*
AG: *it's scalemates. 2 or 3. They couldn't have possi8ly walked on their own. Terezi is mocking him. He runs 8ack to the computer in a panic, 8ody running cold.*
AG: Dude dude dude SHES INSIDE
EB: OH MY GOD.
EB: WHAT DO YOU MEAN???
AG: SHES INSIDE MY HIVE
AG: DUDE I THINK IM GONNA DIE TONIGHT
EB: OH FUCK!!!!
EB: THE DICES!
EB: ROLL 'EM!!
EB: ROLL THE DICES!!!
AG: *vriska hyperventilates as he turns around in his chair and cluches the dice. He doesn't know how many turns he has - he can't roll until they're face to face.*
AG: *he turns 8ack.* man I'm- I'm so sorry a8out all this
AG: This is all so petty and ridiculous and now I might die. I put you in danger and everything over gold.
AG: Over fucking flarp.
EB: oh my god.....
AG: I'm sorry john. I'm sorry for everything. I...
AG: I never hated you as much as you thought.
EB: vriska...
AG: *he hears the sharp 8lade 8ehind him, and he turns around in a 8lind panic to run. Terezi has arrived.*
EB: the dices!!!!!
EB: please!!!!
AG: *he is cornered in one part of his room, and with sweaty shaky hands he rolls the dice. It clatter right 8efore her feet. He doesn't know if he's gonna make it.*
EB: vriska, don't die!!!!
AG: *and then....... 8OOOOOOOMMMMMM*
EB: vriska????????
AG: *all he hears is crum8ling. Metal 8reaks and an earthquake tum8led 8elow his feet. The last thing he sees is the light of his moniter in the dust 8efore it all goes 8lack.*
EB: VRISKA!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
AG: *8UM 8UM 8UMMMMMMMMM*
AG: *sirens. He wakes up to sirens. And fog. And smoke. He feels his ri8s crushes under what is left of his hive, and he just wants to cry. He tries to move his arms, to push, 8ut it's just not enough. Everything hurts and the sky is a sickly green.* "h-hello? An-any8ody-" *he starts to deliriously panic.*
AG: *he should've let terezi keep the riches, in all honesty. The sky isn't usually this color. He's set off something 8ig.*
EB: VRISKA PLEASE!!!!!!!
EB: PLEASE DON'T DIE!!!!
AG: *he's 8rought 8ack to reality with the sound of a voice calling out from the chaos.* "h-huh??" *he grunts as he tries to squirm out from the ru88le.*
EB: ARE... are you still here...?
EB: oh my god. he's probably dead.
AG: *he reaches out his hands - to touch something, anything, to prove he hasn't gone to hell - and he makes contact with skin. His hands ache. Something is 8roken.*
AG: "hhhh- j-john? J-juh.. ugh..."
EB: i... i shouldn't have told him to roll the dice.
AG: *the sirens hurt his head. Everything feels like it's 8urning with chlorine.*
AG: "w-what's.. what's going.."
EB: now... he's dead.
EB: it's all my fault.
AG: *dies very sadly and epicly*