Chapter Text
Jungkook had a lot of thinking time to himself before he decided to inform the others. The number of events that happened today was simply overwhelming. He looked at Yeonjun, who looked very weak. He was very slim, and in the slightest, a bit pale. Jungkook felt even more terrible and guilty the more he looked at Yeonjun. He still couldn’t get over the fact that Yeonjun had suffered alone for so long. He pushed those kinds of thoughts to the back of his head.
You’re here now, he reassured himself, it’s fine. Stop dwelling on the past and move forward.
Jungkook dialed Jimin’s number to inform him about the situation. Jimin didn’t answer—which wasn’t surprising, Jungkook thought he was resting—so Jungkook just left a voicemail message. He hoped Jimin would respond to it, preferably sooner than later. Again, he was not in control of what they did.
Jungkook sighed deeply as he leaned his head back. He tried to get at least some rest.
Just to have that resting time cut short.
Jungkook’s rest was interrupted with the sound of his text tone going off repeatedly. It was very annoying, but he should have expected this. He read over all the messages that Jimin and Jin had sent him.
“Why did you call? Is something wrong?”
“Is everything alright, Jungkook?”
“We’re on our way to the hospital.”
He smiled softly at his phone when he saw the amount of messages he received. It made him feel relieved when he saw just how much they had cared.
Jungkook was forced out of his thoughts when he heard knocking at the door. Thinking it was most sensible, he arose from his seat and opened the door. He was surprised to see the nurse.
“Is there something wrong?” Jungkook asked, more confused than anything else.
“No, no, sir, nothing is wrong,” the nurse reassured, with a soft and comforting voice, “you have visitors for Yeonjun. They claim to be close friends of you both.”
Jungkook smiled lightly, “did they give you any of their names?”
“It seemed one of them was in a panic,” the nurse informed, “he told the staff his name was Jimin. Does that name ring a bell?”
Jungkook nodded affirmatively, “yes, those are my friends,” he had confirmed, “they came to see Yeonjun.”
The nurse nodded and exited the room. Moments later, Jungkook was bombarded by many questions and shouting.
“Where is Yeonjun? Is he alright?”
“Why weren’t you answering your phone?”
“Is Yeonjun ready to be discharged?”
“Everyone, calm down,” Yoongi had silenced the entire room in an instant. He turned his head to Jungkook, who looked sleep deprived.
“Are you and Yeonjun alright?” the older asked.
Jungkook sighed and looked to TXT. Soobin returned the worried gaze that Jungkook sent him.
“I feel Yeonjun should speak to you four, alone,” Jungkook sighed, before looking back at his group. He hummed thoughtfully.
“And I think we should have a conversation ourselves.”
“About what? About Yeonjun?” Taehyung had enquired. Jungkook simply nodded.
“There’s a lot that needs to be said,” Jungkook informed quietly. Taehyung nodded and chose not to carry on with the conversation.
Amongst the conversations, Yeonjun had began to wake. He looked at the large group that was near the exit/entrance door. Yeonjun seemed to have caught Taehyun’s attention. He knew this because Taehyun went eerily silent and began to stare at Yeonjun. If Yeonjun were being honest, it looked like Taehyun was about to cry. Why would he? Was it because of Yeonjun’s current state? Or perhaps it was stress. That’s what Yeonjun made himself believe. Taehyun was simply stressed out.
Although the entire room had gone silent as well, as they all noticed what Taehyun was staring at.
Hoseok had spoken before anyone else, “we’ll give you all a moment. It seems like you really need it.”
And with that, BTS had exited the hospital room that was occupied by TXT.
None of them could believe it, not even Yeonjun himself. Somehow and someway, they all were able to be in the same room. There was no tension in the room, there were no awkward glances, and there was no one screaming or arguing.
How peaceful did this feel, after so long? For once in a hell of a long time, there was no one crying in a room.
“Yeonjun-hyung…” Soobin had managed to say, his voice started to break.
Yeonjun sat up in his bed and looked at the younger ones with soft eyes. He sighed and tried his best to smile, but he couldn’t. Tears sprang to the corners of his eyes.
“We… have a lot to talk about, don’t we…” was what he had said.
“You think?” Taehyun knew he had to hold his tears back. He didn’t want to cry; not now. Yeonjun should be the only one allowed to cry in this room. The only reason he was in the hospital is because of their carelessness. They shouldn’t be given the right to cry here.
“Yeonjun, you’re in the fucking hospital…” he couldn’t hold back his tears. They fell rather quickly from his eyes.
“Of course we have a lot to talk about!”
“Calm down, Taehyun,” Beomgyu had advised. He looked at Yeonjun and took note of how skinny he was. How could they go for so long without noticing this?
Taehyun tried to stop his tears, but they just fell down harder. Why couldn’t he control his tears? He hated this very much; it was quite annoying. Was he really holding back his emotions for so long?
Hueningkai had hugged Taehyun as a way to console him. Taehyun was shaking and was sobbing. Hueningkai felt so, so bad.
Soobin couldn’t do anything more than stare. He couldn’t find his words in this situation. Yeonjun was in the hospital and Taehyun was sobbing. It wasn’t everyday you would find something like this. He was the leader of TXT for God’s sake; he shouldn’t have let this happen. How disappointing of him, for letting down his members. He caused so much grief and pain amongst his members. How could he not feel so terrible? This was all his fault. If only he had told Yeonjun he couldn’t stay over.
If only he hadn’t told Yeonjun that, then this would have never happened. He didn’t give a shit about what anyone told him. This was his fault entirely.
“I’m so sorry,” Yeonjun had said suddenly, “this is all my fault.”
“What’s your fault, Yeonjun?” Beomgyu had asked, “what did you do wrong? Nothing, right? So why are you apologizing? We should be the ones apologizing for getting you into this situation!”
“No, I should be apologizing for that. I got everyone involved in my problems.”
“We’re the ones who wanted to help you!” Hueningkai protested, “so stop apologizing! Please, hyung, don’t apologize for something that isn’t your fault. Don’t put yourself under more stress than you are now.”
“Yeonjun,” Soobin had spoken, silencing the room, “please, just stop saying sorry. You know good and well you did absolutely nothing wrong. Could you please tell us what really happened while you stayed for extra practice? What has been going on with you lately? Please, hyung, tell us the truth, please…” Soobin had started crying as well.
Yeonjun wanted to start crying as well, but he hid his tears. He had become a master at hiding his emotions. He believed that hiding your emotions was the key to becoming perfect. No one would think anything wrong of you and they would be unsuspecting.
Taehyun had silenced his cries and looked at Yeonjun. Taehyun knew what Yeonjun was doing; he knew his members very well. Yeonjun was trying not to cry. Taehyun knew how much Yeonjun loved to hide his emotions. He could read Yeonjun like an open book. Taehyun wasn’t fooled by Yeonjun’s act.
“I was trying to perfect our choreography, and I continuously screwed up so many times,” Yeonjun had begun, staring at the bedsheets, “until eventually, our dance instructor wanted to talk with me. That was when he called our break, and I tried to convince him otherwise.”
The other four listened to Yeonjun with their full attention.
So, my theory was correct, Taehyun had thought, I knew it.
“I thought you all would be disappointed about the news, but I was proven the opposite. I still couldn’t get over how badly I screwed up, so I didn’t want to talk with anyone. I was so upset, because I’m “BigHit’s legendary trainee”, aren’t I? Why couldn’t I do better? Of course, I would be pissed off at myself. I don’t believe in mistakes.” Yeonjun sighed, before looking up at his members.
“And I am so sorry for that day, Soobin,” he began crying right then and there, “I am so sorry for yelling at you. I should have never done that.”
Soobin was taken aback by the sudden apology. He was surprised that Yeonjun still remembered that.
“Yeonjun-hyung, it’s okay,” Soobin reassured immediately, “it’s okay. We all have our moments.”
Yeonjun shook his head, “no. I’m so sorry to all of you. I treated you all terribly.” Yeonjun began to cry, “I don’t know why I’m still here. I should have died, so none of you would have to be bothered with me.”
The room went silent, with the exception of Yeonjun’s cries. Had Yeonjun really said that? Had Yeonjun really thought he was being a bother?
“Oh, hyung,” Beomgyu was the first to stand. He walked to Yeonjun and wrapped his arms around him.
“We’re so sorry you had to go through this. You are never a bother to us. You’re such an amazing person, it’s okay to have bad days. No one is perfect, hyung.”
Yeonjun shook his head. Why was Beomgyu saying this? Why was he trying to assure him, after everything he had done to them? Yeonjun didn’t deserve this. He deserved none of this.
“I know what you’re thinking, hyung,” Hueningkai smiled softly, trying to reassure the older, “and it’s alright. That was in the past. Let’s look at the present, alright? You needed support that we didn’t give. Let us give it to you now.”
With what Hueningkai had told him, Yeonjun had begun to cry. He choked up a sob. He felt so safe in Beomgyu’s arms. He was shaking so much.
He seemed to cry more when he felt more arms wrapped around him.
“Hyung, I don’t know if you know this, but…” Taehyun sighed, “we suffer together. We are not going to let you go into such a dark state of mind again. I promise.”
“Taehyun’s right, hyung,” Soobin added, “we are a team. We promise you that we always be there for you.”
“…the doctor also told me that Yeonjun shouldn’t be discharged for at least two weeks.” Jungkook sighed. He hoped he didn’t have to repeat anything. That was a lot of information, even for himself.
“Oh my God, poor Yeonjun…” Hoseok pouted, “that’s so much he’s gone through.”
“Exactly my point,” Jungkook sighed, “he has depression. I didn’t know he was going through so much. Hell, I didn’t even know he had an eating disorder. That’s my fault, too. I should have been more attentive.”
“Stop blaming yourself, Jungkook,” Jin frowned, “not every bad occurrence is because of you.”
Jungkook did no more than sigh, “alright, I guess. I’m just so tired…”
“We can tell,” Namjoon sent a worried glance to the younger, “have you been sleeping?”
“Of course I have,” Jungkook responded, “I guess it’s because of all the crying. I don’t know.”
“Jungkook, tell us the truth,” Yoongi frowned, “what really happened? You know you’re a terrible liar.”
Jungkook frowned as well, before sighing again, “okay. When I arrived at the dorms, I couldn’t find Yeonjun at first. I thought he might have been upstairs, so I searched everywhere. But he wasn’t in his room. So, I ran as fast as I could to the kitchen. I was so scared when I saw Yeonjun with that damned knife so close to his neck…”
Jungkook wasn’t all too surprised when he heard gasps erupt from BTS.
“Oh my God, that sounds terrible!” Jimin exclaimed, “you didn’t tell TXT, did you?”
“Oh, no, I didn’t,” Jungkook quickly assured, “I don’t think they need to know that part. They would be too overwhelmed. They’ve already got enough on their plate; they don’t need any more.”
“That means Beomgyu’s dream was a sign,” Taehyung hummed, “except Beomgyu was too late, apparently.”
“Beomgyu’s dream? The one about Yeonjun’s suicide?” Jungkook asked.
“Yes, that dream,” Jin clarified, “the situation is very similar. Only the results are different. Yeonjun had died in the dream, but you rescued Yeonjun before that could happen.”
Jungkook nodded as he processed the words spoken, “I’m glad I came in time…”
“Aren’t we all?” Taehyung sent a smile at Jungkook, trying to relieve him after all the hell that had occurred.
“So that was why you took Yeonjun to the hospital…” Jimin sighed.
“Yep,” Jungkook nodded once again, “and I’m sorry I forgot to call like I promised. I went to sleep with Yeonjun.”
“Oh, no, it’s fine,” Namjoon quickly responded, “we understand.”
Jungkook smiled and nodded. He was so glad he was surrounded by such understanding people.
“Let’s… go and check on TXT, shall we?” Taehyung was the first to speak after an awkward silence.
The others had nodded as they arose from the chairs. They walked to Yeonjun’s hospital room and saw that the five boys were having a moment.
“Well, we’ll be on our way, then,” Jin smiled softly. He found the scene adorable.
It would pain him if they were to be separated like this again.
Yeonjun didn’t want to separate himself from this group hug. He would not separate himself from TXT again.
No, no he would not. He knew the consequences of that. He will make sure to never separate himself from his beloved dongsaengs again. He missed their touch so, so much. He missed their love, the way they would always support him.
Why would he turn away from them to begin with? What did they do that was so wrong? He hated himself for making such a rash action. He wanted to make everything right.
Taehyun was the one who pulled away from the hug. He felt so very tired. He knew that the world was not all sunshine and rainbows. Although, he did wish everyone would be happy. And he does know that he cannot make everyone happy. But that won’t stop him from trying. How would he begin that?
He would begin by not telling the members what Yeonjun had been thinking of himself. The same goes for him. Everyone has been telling him that it wasn’t his fault. Everyone had told him things like this just happen in life. And yes, he has told other people these things before. Never had he ever thought he would be told this back.
He knew deep down it was his fault. He shouldn’t have let Yeonjun always say those things about himself. He should have denied those things. He should have told Yeonjun that he was anything but those bad things. Yeonjun was not fat, he was not a bad person, and he most definitely was not hideous.
“Do you feel any better?” he asked. He felt terrible once he realized how rude of a question that was. He hoped Yeonjun didn’t feel attacked by that.
“Yes, a lot, actually,” Yeonjun responded. This time, Yeonjun wasn’t lying. He did feel a lot better than he has been recently.
“Thank you all very much. I cannot thank you enough.”
“Then don’t thank us at all,” Beomgyu responded, “you don’t need to thank us. This is what you deserve, this is what you were supposed to receive but didn’t.”
Yeonjun felt a tear fall from his eyes. Since when did the younger ones become so wise? Wasn’t that only Yeonjun’s job? They were the ones who were supposed to enjoy themselves.
He pushed those thoughts to the back of his head. Those thoughts were unnecessary. They did this for Yeonjun because they cared. How rude of Yeonjun to think otherwise. Once Yeonjun gets out of this hospital, he promises to shower TXT with love. Something he should have done sooner but didn’t.
As Hueningkai told him, he should stop dwelling on the past. The past can’t be changed. Only the future can be.
It took him time to understand, but Yeonjun got it eventually.
There were people always there for him. They were always ready to support him, love him, and care for him.
“Yeonjun,” Soobin began, his soft eyes catching Yeonjun’s gaze, “let me promise you something.”
“What’s that?” Yeonjun was more curious than anything. How many promises had Soobin made? He promised many things, how was he not stressed out by it? Yeonjun felt very proud of the younger. He was an amazing role model.
“Don’t fight your battles alone anymore,” Soobin smiled softly, hugging the older one tighter, “because we all will be there by your side.”
“We will not turn our backs when you need our support.”