Chapter Text
“Hey, Vessel. We were wondering if you–?” III trailed off when initially he couldn’t spot Vessel upon walking into his room, slowly pushing the door open where it was slightly ajar. The next moment his ears picked up on labored breaths and he realized that it wasn’t that the man left his bed unmade, blankets in a heap, but rather he was the heap. “Oh,” III walked closer to the bed to see Vessel wipe his face roughly, lying under his blanket curled up into an impressively small ball. “Hey, Ves, can I help?” Vessel didn’t look at him but made a small nodding movement, so III settled in front of him at the side of the bed and set a gentle hand on his arm that wasn’t covered by the blanket, making soothing motions with his fingers. “It’s okay, Ves, I’m not gonna ask you to speak, I’ll do it, okay?” Based on their previous experiences with Vessel’s panic attacks, he couldn’t will his throat to make sounds, so he was unable to name things he saw. III figured it would help if he did it instead, and described some things around them. “I see your blanket, it’s got a little heart embroidered into the corner that’s always on your left.” Vessel was rubbing that embroidery with his thumb over and over, breaths heavy, but kept quiet, staring off into space, “I see the picture you drew of the blackbird that came to our porch,” III flicked his eyes to Vessel’s table, still drawing lines onto his sweater.
“Ves, do y-” IV’s question died in his throat when he noticed the two in the room, and III heard Vessel draw in a sharp breath, tensing up further.
He had his eyes shut, so III went on, “There’s your hoodie on the chair, the one IV got for you when you lost your bags,” III looked over to the man hovering in the doorway and heard Vessel struggle to rein his breathing in, drawn out, long breaths interrupted by sharp inhales, “You’re okay, keep doing that. I see your journal. I always wonder why you leave it bare. I would cover it in stickers.” III let his finger mirror Vessel’s, tracing a heart shape onto his arm fondly, looking at Vessel to find him rubbing at his eyes, letting out a shaky exhale. It wasn’t working yet, but it usually took some more items for Vessel’s breathing to calm, so III didn’t stop. “There’s your guitar on the wall. Baby blue. Pretty color. Always liked that one.” He looked over to IV only to catch II walking to the open door with careful steps, a question clear on his face. II first looked at IV, then stepped inside and immediately understood.
He walked to the bed slowly, making eye contact with III, who was still drawing shapes onto Vessel’s sleeve, speaking softly to the trembling man, “II’s here. He’s gonna try and help, okay?”
II nodded, “Hey, Ves. I’m gonna touch your back, alright?” Vessel didn’t make a noise of protest, nor the hand gesture he sometimes did that meant ‘no touch’, just tensed a little more, as if he braced for impact. II sat at his legs, brought a gentle hand to the other’s back and started rubbing lines into it with firm pressure. He looked over to III, urging him to continue.
“Okay, so– there’s your bookshelf. And your crystals. Pressed flowers. Really gotta frame those. They would look nice on the wall.” IV hovered a bit closer and sat down at Vessel’s desk. “I see your plants. The bamboo is doing really well here.” II insisted Vessel put it on his windowsill because of the ideal sun exposure and he was proven right by how much the plant was growing. Vessel took a shaky breath through his nose, which sounded stuffy, and reached up to rub under his eye in frustration, “Vessel, we’re here, you’re alright. There’s your pillows, two of them, deep blue.” III was running out of items, and looked at II, whose soothing lines became curvy ones, then infinity loops, watching Vessel’s chest rise and fall in an irregular pattern.
It wasn’t working. Vessel wasn't calming down and II saw the worry written clear on III’s face. They hadn’t seen Vessel have such a hard time before, and by this time his tears usually would have stopped and he would have caught his breath and waved them away, assuring them that he was fine on his own. Although the three of them were sure plenty of unshed tears remained, they respected his wishes and would give him privacy. The important thing for them was to know he was through the worst of it and that they let him know that he could have their company if he wanted. The thought that Vessel would hesitate or even not believe them had been a constant nagging in the backs of their minds, but they didn’t want to intrude. Vessel was distant as is, it was unnecessary to push him further away by demanding too much of him.
II had an idea, "Vessel?” His tone was gentle and he tried to be quiet, but III was right there and the room was otherwise silent, so he couldn’t avoid the others hearing, “Where is it? Can I get it for you?" II looked around but knew he wouldn’t find the shark on his own, as he hadn’t seen it since that one morning.
"Where is what?" IV asked softly, confused. III had a frown as well, but II only looked at Vessel’s face. The man opened his eyes with slow blinks and pointed at his closet silently, still clutching his blanket with his other hand.
II opened the door and peeked inside, then turned back with brows furrowed, eyes still fixed on the other’s face, ignoring III and IV’s curious gazes. Vessel pointed to the upper shelf and gestured, something close to 'further back', and whispered croakily, "Blanket," II pushed some hoodies aside and found the fuzzy bundle. He got it out carefully and rolled the plush from the blanket, revealing a blue shark, belly a soft white, round teeth lining a light pink, open mouth.
III and IV watched as II set the blanket down on the foot of the bed and sat back to his previous spot, holding the plush gently. Suddenly, Vessel’s shark was held out in front of him and he looked up, eyes sad and glossy, before all but snatching the shark from II. He quickly tucked it to his chest, covering it with his blanket, averting his gaze, glancing up after a moment to look at all three of them before turning back to stare in front of himself again, chest heaving with heavy breaths.
“Okay,” II whispered, hand returning to the other’s back to lightly trace a few lines. Vessel seemed tense in his entire body, trying to become smaller by curling into himself under his blanket, drawing his long limbs impossibly close to his body, “You’re okay, Ves.” Vessel pushed his mouth to the plush’s nose, muffling his breathing. He trembled a little and II was afraid he would just work himself up more.
III, who had since drawn his hand back now reached out to arrange the blanket around Vessel’s arms now cradling his shark, “Do you want us to go?”
Vessel nodded against his plush, still not meeting their eyes. New tears were forming in his eyes and he squeezed them shut to get them to roll down his face, but that just made his eyelashes wet and his expression even more nervous. The others got up silently and left the room, making sure to close the door behind themselves softly.
A bit later, IV knocked and peeked into Vessel’s room, only to find him asleep. His shark was covering half of his face, and his expression was worried, but his breathing was even, so once IV made sure his back was covered in his blanket, he closed the door again and let the man rest.
Vessel and II were in the practice room, taking a small break. II scrolled on his phone with one hand, fiddling and spinning a drumstick in his other. Vessel was his usual quiet self all day and sipped on some tea at his piano, writing in his notebook. When he got a notification, II set his drumstick down and opened the message. It was a picture of a turtle plush, its shell consisting of different textured materials in various colors. It was cute, the ideal size to cuddle as II gauged based on III’s hand for scale in the photo. Under it was a text bubble with a singular question mark. II responded with a thumbs up, set down his phone, and looked up at Vessel who just finished scribbling down some lyrics. They continued playing even after IV peeked into the studio to announce they were back from the store.
Later, the two of them emerged to the kitchen to the smell of something cheesy from the oven and found III in front of it, pushing a tray back inside after looking at its contents. It turned out III decided to make cheese sticks, but shooed them away, saying they needed another five minutes. Vessel offered II a bottle of water and they sat down to watch IV finish putting away groceries and listened to him talk about the album they listened to in the car. II nodded along and Vessel jotted down the title to check it out later. Soon, the sticks were out of the oven and set aside to cool, so Vessel went upstairs to get a hoodie and put away his notebook.
He walked into his room to find a wobbly-shaped thing wrapped up in gift wrap on his bed. IV stopped at his door, giving soft knocks on the frame, as III approached with a barely concealed grin, followed by II, a small smile on his face.
“What’s this?” Vessel turned around towards them a bit, looking between the package on his right and the others on his left with a frown.
“A present,” IV said, smile audible in his voice. Vessel looked at his tender eyes and shrunk into himself a little, fingers fidgeting with his sleeves pulled over his hands.
III added, “For you.” That much was obvious, even to Vessel, but he didn’t understand. He’d been having a couple of bad brain days, and he barely left his room. Practice that day was the first time in a while that he spent more than half an hour in their company. Besides, they haven’t talked about his panic attack the other day. His shark was safely tucked back into his closet, now in a different place, just to be safe.
“It really is alright, Vessel. I told you. It’s fine.” II gestured for him to go ahead. Vessel sat down at the foot of his bed and placed the present in his lap to carefully peel away the hastily done wrapping. The others stepped into his room, still giving him some space, now standing just inside.
“It’s a turtle!” III sounded so excited, but Vessel suddenly looked devastated. “You– you don’t like turtles?” They knew Vessel liked sea-themed stuff, but III was starting to think maybe turtles were an exception.
“No, yeah, I do. Thank you for the gift.” Vessel still just stared at the plush, seemingly almost afraid to touch it, hands hovering over it in hesitation. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head a little. Not going back to that thought again.
“You can say if you don’t like it, we won’t be mad, I promise.” IV added, “III spotted it in the store and said it reminded him of you,” III flushed a little, still smiling, now looking at his socks.
“It’s really nice, and very kind of you.” Vessel said quietly, “I used to have a similar turtle. She was all green,” Vessel let his fingers graze the textures of the shell, returning to one he found soothing, fighting the lump that was forming in his throat, “Had her for a really long time before–“ He swallowed, pressed his lips together into half a grimace, then muttered mostly to himself, “Yeah, a long time,” The others were silent, waiting for him to get out anything he wanted to say, “Thank you,” He concluded softly, looking up at the others with a shy smile. There was confusion and something close to recognition in their eyes, but they didn’t ask. He was grateful for that.
II gestured downstairs, “I’ll make some tea.”
“Yeah, the sticks should be good to eat now.” III drummed on the doorframe, looking at Vessel for another moment before going after II.
IV stood leaning against the doorframe, waiting for Vessel as he carefully lifted the turtle, looking at it like it would vanish any moment. “Are you coming, Ves?” The other flinched slightly, surprised, but stood up and set down the plush on his bed, making a concerned, pointing gesture at it before drawing his hand back and turning around to follow IV downstairs. It was probably fine.
II stood at Vessel’s door as they continued talking on their way upstairs after they ate. II followed Vessel’s movements with his eyes and tried to figure out what felt off, "Are you gonna wash it?" It seemed like Vessel was afraid to leave the plush in one place. He took it to his desk to get the scissors to cut off the tag, then took it to his bed where he folded the wrapping paper.
"Hm? Yeah, yeah." Vessel sounded unsure, but II decided to leave it and walked off to his room, nodding to Vessel.
He couldn’t find him later as he walked around the manor, so he asked the others if they knew where he was. The door to his room was open, but his bed was empty. IV said he didn’t hear Vessel go outside as he sat in the living room, so II peeked inside the upstairs bathroom, pushing open the door that was mostly shut. He picked up the faint sound of the washing machine from the corridor and as he walked closer he could hear familiar humming. Stepping inside, II found Vessel sitting on the floor across the washing machine, typing on his laptop, listening to music with his headphones on. II frowned and looked at him curiously, but Vessel didn’t notice him, so he let his eyes wander and spotted a green and a blue blur spinning in the washing machine and instantly understood. Or at least he thought he did, but still couldn’t figure out why Vessel was guarding the wash cycle. He left the room, pulling the door almost closed, the way it was before he entered. Some time later he heard the jingle of the washing machine, then the sound of the drier. Vessel emerged for dinner a few hours later, just after the three of them had finished, but II still thought it strange that Vessel’s bed was empty when he went to his own room and passed his open door.
A few days later Vessel walked downstairs in the morning, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, when he stopped in his tracks on the bottom step. He was still holding his turtle to his side with one arm. Freezing, he looked up to catch III’s gaze as he munched on some cereal.
“Good morning, Ves,” He lifted another spoonful to his mouth, eyes returning to his bowl, then to the screen of his phone.
IV turned around from the table to greet Vessel, who still stood in place, “Did you sleep well?” He realized that he was drawing more attention to himself if he made a big deal out of it, so he walked into the kitchen and said his good mornings, nodding to IV who followed him with his eyes for an answer.
Vessel wanted to set down his plush in his seat to grab a plate, but II called to him from the stove where he was making scrambled eggs, “Got a plate for you already,” Vessel was a bit more self-conscious as he stood beside the other, adjusting his hold on his turtle as he waited for II to scoop the eggs onto his plate. The man simply smiled at him, then joined them at the table where after a bit of hesitation Vessel settled, hugging his plush to his stomach and carefully protecting it from any morsels. None of them looked at him that much, and if they did, only at his face as they chatted lightly. Vessel went upstairs after and put his plush under his blanket, leaving only its head peeking out. His shark was still in the closet.
One night when he was feeling particularly snuggly, Vessel brought his shark downstairs for movie night. He was sitting in the corner of the couch and kept his plush close to his chest, unconsciously trying to shield it with his legs pulled up. The others didn’t comment on it, didn’t even glance at the shark twice. After some time, he lay down on the couch beside II, the man shuffling a bit so Vessel could be comfortable. They continued watching the movie, but soon II let his fingers find their way into Vessel’s hair, carding through his locks, and Vessel felt his eyelids grow heavier. He woke up to IV brushing his knuckles against his arm, the movie’s closing credits rolling on the TV behind him. He didn’t say anything, just booped his shark’s nose with a soft smile and wished Vessel good night, going upstairs.
A few weeks later, when Vessel told them about his first turtle, III had to leave the living room.
"Bloody hell. I'm sorry, Ves, I'm gonna be right back." Vessel looked after him, confused, but II put a hand on his arm.
"I promise nothing like that will ever happen here." He looked at him with a soft frown, and Vessel nodded. He knew. It was only a bad memory.
IV sat closer to Vessel to pull him into a hug, squeezing him once before letting him go. It was a promise and an expression of his sympathy. Vessel smiled at him, just as III stepped into the living room with a worn-looking pillow, small in his hands. He sat cross-legged in front of the three and held the pillow in his hands, looking into Vessel’s eyes.
“What’s that, Three?” IV asked, but Vessel had a hunch. The pillow was a soft beige, and there was a pair of eyes and a bear snout on it, and two round ears at the top, sticking out from the rectangle. It looked soft and had been obviously well-loved by III. The material seemed to be thinning, but there were no tears.
“It’s my baby pillow,” He turned it in his hands, squeezing the material as he did, “I slept with it every night for weeks when I arrived here.” III looked up at them to see II smile at him sadly, IV give him a fond look and Vessel look absolutely heartbroken, brows slightly furrowed and soft eyes a bit glassy.
Vessel's voice was almost a whisper, “Thank you,” It was fine. He would be alright.
IV came home one morning with a wide smile on his face, rushing to the kitchen to put down some shopping bags, and unzipping his backpack excitedly.
III turned to the other from the couch, “What’ve you got there, Ivy?” Vessel got up to start putting away groceries, but he stopped when IV presented them a plush otter. His eyes crinkled and he was practically beaming as he held it out for them to see.
“Look! He’s so cute!” Vessel felt his lips curl up at seeing the other so giddy. It really was cute.
“Gods, IV, of course, it’s an otter.” III rolled his eyes fondly, an easy smile on his face.
“What?” IV frowned lightly, “You don’t think it’s cute?”
III smiled brighter now, happy to see IV’s forehead smooth out at that, “I do, but you’re such an otter. All cuddly and soft.” Vessel chuckled, reaching into one of the shopping bags and placing its contents on the counter.
“Ves?” He glanced up to see IV look at him expectantly, “What do you think?” The other tilted the otter slightly towards him, waiting for his opinion.
“It looks really kind. And soft.” Vessel offered a genuine smile, or at least he hoped that it looked like one because he was glad IV was so delighted by his plush. “And III’s right, you’re kind of like an otter.”
Vessel looked between the man and the plush, smile growing wider at IV’s face flushing lightly at his words and III’s snicker as he added from the couch, “See?”
IV rolled his eyes at them and put his otter beside III to help Vessel with the groceries, while III checked the tag and the plushie’s fur, letting out a small ‘ooh’ as his fingers grazed the material. It really was soft. And Vessel thought it really was fine as IV handed him some cans to put into the upper cupboard with a smile. It was alright.