Chapter Text
I don’t think I will be able to finish this fic but I do want to leave a summary of what I planned to write since I quite dislike not having answers myself lol.
So Fyodor’s and Nikolai’s relationship is not in the best spot right now and I planned to do the whole “it gets worse before it gets better” stick but for their case it gets really quite bad.
They travel to Japan as their next course of action. Fyodor pretty much learns japanese on the flight over and Nikolai is enough of a weeb to know enough japanese already because I thought that was a fun thing to include as an explanation for how they suddenly know japanese.
They make an old flowershop their base of operations in reference to their talk about romance which is a subtile way of Fyodor to show his still there affection but it shouldn’t make up for the way he's been treating Nikolai but he probably forgives him anyway.
They spend a few weeks/days just scouting out the area and looking into various organizations to figure out who might be linked to the page and maybe “rescue” Mushitaro during that time. Fyodor asks of Nikolai to kill some people along the way and Nikolai obliges after some reluctance and becomes Fyodors ace up his sleeve since his ability is perfect for infiltration and assassination missions.
After some fruitless efforts they sit together and deliberate and conclude that the person who has the book must have used it already since they probably wouldn’t know if it worked otherwise. They talk some back and forth about what they would want if they could pretty much have everything they wanted and Fyodor deduces that whoever has the book must have caused some ripples somehow and figures out that Fukuchi Ouchi has a relation to the page.
Nikolai gets into costume and gets Fyodor into Fukuichi’s base of operations. Probably gets halfway caught on the way for drama but manages to score an interview with the man himself. Fukuchi reveals that all his prestige and fame is due to the book and that there is only one page left since he used up the rest of it. (I am totally making this up, there is no confirmation in canon what happened to the rest of the book)
Fyodor is quite frankly disgusted with Fukichi with how he only is a cowardly drunk with too much power but he bites his tongue for the sake of cooperation and ropes Fukichi into a plan of his own, probably sweet talks him some of how not all of his life has to be wasted and that (if he only follows Fyodor’s plan) they can make an actual difference.
Fukichi doesn’t quite trust Fyodor since hes obviously too dangerous to be left to his own devices so Fyodor allows him to be the one to write on the page (but plans to scam him out of it further down the line. I think Fyodor has to ring with himself to deal with Fukichi since it’s similar to dealing with Fitzgerald but not as painful. I think Fyodor thinks unifying all nations to end conflict isn’t a bad idea but he completely disagrees with making Fukuzawa the leader since it’s way too much power concentrated on one person.)
Fyodor falls into his habit of scheming again and blocks Nikolai out of his life again and doesn’t communicate with him properly because he’s emotionally inept but this causes Nikolai to second guess and probably makes him manic but instead of coping properly, he embraces it as part of his showmanship as we can see in his fight with Atsushi in the tunnel for example.
They set the first phase of their plan in motion aka the part where they plan to frame the armed detective agency and this only puts continuous pressure on Nikolai. He feels quite emotionally unstable and is overwhelmed with guilt from everything he did for Fyodor and contemplates to let himself get sawn in half by the trap they prepared to fool the ada and well, the world. He only wanted to be an actor, an artist who brings joy to people but now he’s a murderer and assassin and a terrorist so he might as well become a martyr (dramatics, dramatics, woe is him) but then he remembers Fyodor wouldn’t him want to since Fyodor lowkey despises people who have nothing to live for since he was deeply in love with being alive himself.
I planned this as a reference to the original Fyodor who was quite big on christianity and thought that people needed something to give them the inner strength to keep living. Dunno if it was too obvious throughout the story but I’m not the biggest fan of christians and like to put some thought into whan i use capital G God and lowercase god since i think its a subtle way of telling what the characters (and well, probably the author as well) think about god.Somethings
Probably while he pretends to be dead during the commotion with the police, he thinks about how sickly codependent he has become with Fyodor and that he couldn’t even die because of him. He reflects on everything they’ve been through ever since he killed their landlady and comes to the (quite obvious) realization that the man who once gave him his freedom is the one who ties him down the most.
He also comes to the realization that although some parts must be love, the reason why Nikolai feels so sick whenever he isn’t with Fyodor is because Fyodor has been using his ability on him the whole time. Fyodor is able to manipulate guilt so he isn’t able to just amplify guilt to the point of death but also to take it away which lead him to enable Nikolai to kill the way he did. He also notices parts about the subtle ways in conversations he used to manipulate Nikolai, not unlike his mother once did so long ago but concludes that he must have provoked it somehow and turned Fyodor into what he is today.
(He didn’t. Fyodor is just a freak of nature that jumped at the first chance to become a revolutionary/terrorist)
Nikolai thinks that the only way to fix this is to kill Fyodor which causes him laugh because he finds the situation painfully ironic and he doesn’t want to cry. Not yet.
(After writing this just now i think it sounds like he would turn it into a murder suicide since even though he would be truly free according to his definition of freedom, I don’t think he would be happy and he would only further see suicide as an expression of true freedom a bit further down the line, probably after the ghost of Fyodor would continue to haunt him. This got dark rather quickly :/)
Nikolai gets up after a few hours of pretending to be a corpse and as he is on his way out of the house, he runs into Atsushi and Kyoka who are also in hiding there. Kyoka threatens him with a knife and they press him for answers but Nikolai quite frankly doesn’t know what Fyodor’s further plans are.
Atsushi notices that Nikolai is super on edge and is probably still quite erratic but after the initial interrogation he asks him personal questions if he is doing alright and Nikolai gets a very much needed unofficial, unlicensed therapy session and maybe a hug.
He probably helps the two ADA members escape and perhaps tells them some some stuff idk, its not that important but he comes to see atsushi as a good person, someone he might even trust. I think its a really interesting interaction since they are quite alike and Nikolai never had any genuinely caring and kind people in his life (even though Atsushi takes it to quite an unhealthy extreme but im not gonna open that can of worms here)
Usually the ADA would have taken him into custity but they really don’t have the means right now and another fight might prove to be detremental to either of them and besides, neither of them want to fight the other anymore (Meaning Nikolai and Atsushi, Kyoka just kind of does whatever Atsushi thinks is best since she has zero agency).
Oh and Nikolai totally keeps calling Atsushi Tiger boy the whole time.
After saying their goodbyes, Nikolai goes back to their hideout to see if he can find any information on Fyodor’s further plans, probably hacks into his computer by guessing the password idk exactly but he finds some information about Fyodor probably now being held in Mersault. He looks through their shared living space which causes him to reminisce and also causes his resolve to falter but quickly steels himself to move on.
Nikolai finds a copy of what they planned to write on the page and learns about Sigma being meant to fall of the Sky Casino. He thinks it’s quite a waste and since he was or wasn’t meant to die himself in the plan (Fyodor wasn’t exactly clear on that part) Nikolai decides to save Sigma too because he feels a sense of sympathy for someone in a similar situation but also decides to drag him along because he needs someone to keep him sane. Nikolai’s sane just looks very different from that of the average person at this point lol. And maybe, just mayne, they have some insightful, self-reflective conversations on their way to Mersault.
(Lmao, this is kind of like kidnapping a therapist because you needed someone to talk but Sigma is just some guy)
They break into Mersault, get Dazai and Fyodor out of their cells but instead of the death game part happening between Fyodor and Dazai, Nikolai decides he needs to kill Fyodor himself to have catharsis and then they are forced to talk about their feelings in the middle of trying to kill each other. Nikolai fights because he thinks he is doing this to save the world from the monster he created and to prove his idea of freedom or whatever; Fyodor fights to survive but also for his vision to live through him since he is about to change the world and all.
Dazai and Sigma aren’t exactly sure what they should do so they decide to let them fight it out since it feels like they are third- and fourth-wheeling, ever since Nikolai and Fyodor saw each other again.
The fight is unfair from the start since Nikolai has a ranged ability and a knife and best Fyodor can to is close the distance to try and use his ability. Nikolai manages to get a few cuts on Fyodor but despite his sickly frame, Fyodor is quite adept at doging.
As their fight is about to draw to a close, Nikolai has Fyodor pinned to the Floor and is about to strike down his knife but through having closed the distance, Fyodor is able to touch Nikolai and use his ability on him but for reasons unbeknownst to him at the time, it doesn’t work anymore. This causes both of them to halt in their actions.
Fyodor thinks that he underestemated Nikolai. That Nikolai became twisted enough to rid himself of all guilt without Fyodors ability by embracing the madness that came with it. Fyodor relents and lies there, allowing Nikolai to finish what he started, as a way of atoning for what he did to Nikolai. (Even though dying takes very little effort and you should rather keep living and try to earn forgiveness instead of taking the easy way out, ya bum!)
Nikolai halts because he is kind of confused and thought he would die right then and there when Fyodor’s cold hand met his chest (Fyodor’s hands are cold because he has bad circulation, felt like I needed to add that lol). Anyway, Nikolai assumes the same thing Fyodor did, that he must have numbed up to the guilt without Fyodor by his side since there is only so much one can take. He does believe he is doing the right thing by killing Fyodor but as he thinks about what he is about to do, tears start falling from his eyes and onto Fyodor and he stabs the ground right next to Fyodors face. (It’s cinematic, leave me alone)
The reason why Fyodor’s ability doesn’t work on Nikolai anymore is somewhat because he feels less guilty for what he did in the past but also because of how often it was used on Nikolai, he developed a sort of resistence to it. Plus Nikolai does think that killing Fyodor is the rights thing to do but he still loves him deeply and both of these thoughts can coincide within Nikolai and kind of cancel each other out in the face of Fyodors ability.
This sounds quite messed up but one of the reasons why Nikolai wants to kill Fyodor is because he loves him and that it would be for Fyodor’s own good.
Both of them kind of stay there for a few moments, just trying to catch their breath. Fyodor is kind of humbled by actually coming close to death and being utterly powerless with his life in Nikolai’s hands, his partner who he held in the palm of his and for the longest time in their relationship. (Picture the look on Fyodor’s face when Dazai found him in the Café at the end of season 3)
“Why?” Nikolai asks “Why did you have to become this?”
Fyodor isn’t sure how to respond but the question is rethorical.
“It’s not like I forced you to do anything. You could have- No, you should have turned me in that day. You could have stopped any time you wanted and yet you kept on going and going to burn everything around you so that it may somehow thaw your ice cold heart.” Nikolai took a few breaths.
“You know, we actually could have had a fucking life together! I would have given you anything you would have asked of me -An-And I did! You used your fucking ability on me this whole time. I can’t even say when you started to do it. Do you know how fucked up that is?”
“I thought I was helping.”
“You should have fucking asked me, Fyodor! I would kill for you. I did kill for you and I would do it again but fuck, you should treat me as a goddamn person and not just as another pawn on your chessboard. You are a sly, scheming bastard and your IQ is probabaly the room temperature in Kelvin but I deserve to be treated as your equal after everything I did for you!”
“You are a naive fool. Did you really expect no one to exploit you?”
“Yes. Yes I am a fool but you knew that from the start and I knew that you knew! I trusted you with that. I trust you and I don’t know why I still do. You are a manipulative psychopath that will sacrifice everything to get your way. I should know, after all you sacrifieced me already, didn’t you?”
Fyodor stayed silent.
“I should kill you right now for everything you did.”
“Then why don’t you?”
“Because I love you, goddamnit!”
More angry tears fell from Nikolai’s face and he pounded his fists on Fyodor’s chest until the energy to fight left his body.
“And I still love you, even after everything you did to me.”
Fyodor took Nikolai’s face in his Hand and wiped a tear away with his thumb. “I don’t deserve your love.”
“Yes, you do. I will make sure my love becomes your shackle. For as long as I am alive I will stick to you like a shadow so you can never treat anyone like you treated me. I may have created you but you have created me in turn. You are a demon but I am as much of a monster as you are and I will show just how terrible I can be.”
Fyodor blinked dumbfoundedly, “Is that a marriage proposal?”
Nikolai let out a broken laugh. "I suppose it sounds that way, doesn't it?"
And then they make out, drop the curtains, fade to black x)
(Damn, I have no idea how this keeps happening but this is the second time in this fic I wrote incredibly extra sentences that sound like confessions/marriage proposals lmao)
Take the last scene I wrote with a grain of salt. If this would be the actual final chapter i would probably rewrite it 10 times over just so i could fit more stuff but their fight is supposed to be the climax of the story.
For the their sake, let’s say Dazai and Sigma left the room and are now waltzing through some corridor or whatever they are up to lol. Fyodor and Nikolai managed to sort out their homicidal urges and are actually willing to give their mundane lifes a shot because both of them suppose that that was the happiest they had ever been.
Afterwards we get a little bit of epilogue, maybe it's a year later, I don’t know. Nikolai and Fyodor have moved to a nice little cottage where they are sustaining on the rest of Fitzgerald’s money. Nikolai probably helps out at a local theater and might have gotten into acting again but he probably needs to keep a low profile since his face might have gotten out during their little terrorism spree. Perhaps he only shows up at sets and productions in disguise and refuses to let anyone do his make up so he doesnt get caught but that is for you to decide.
Nikolai reminds Fyodor that he doesn’t need to be a grandiose scheming mastermind that changes the world (even though he would very much like to be) for Nikolai, he is willing to let it rest and become a stay-at-home hacker that only occasionally messes with governments when they do something he doesn’t like.
Nikolai is painfully aware how entangled his life has become with Fyodor, to the point that he doesn’t wish to separate it anymore. This relationship is so far away from the freedom he once so desperately desired and he still desires freedom but he figures out that perhaps the freedom he defined for himself just isn’t humanly possible and he does feel comfortable living the way he does, you know *gestures to the title of the fic* you know what I mean.
Nikolai gets a pet canary, one of those yellow ones. There is no reason why, I just think it would suit him. He tries to give the bird as much time outside of the cage because he doesn't want to raise a bird in a cage and names them something freedom related. Fyodor maybe gets pet rats.
The reason why they aren’t rotting away in prison is because they made a deal with Dazai/the Ada because after their fight, Nikolai and Fyodor would have been able to escape and Dazai knew that finding them again would be a real pain because of Fyodor. Instead he proposed a deal that they keep in contact, Fyodor helps out with information on cases sometimes and maybe even Nikolai with infiltration missions. Meanwhile Sigma has become a fully fledged member of the Ada for those of you who care x)
And yeah, that’s it. Thank you so much for giving me your time of day. I am really sorry that I wasn’t able to finish this story since i would have loved to have seen it finished but I’ve fallen out of the fandom and I’ve also fallen short of my promise to upload a summary shortly after new years but it is here now!
If you like this idea I had, feel free to write your own version of it but please do tag me so i can read it too :D
Let me know what you thought in the comments, thank you to anyone that left kudos and commented so far, it really made my day! Perhaps we shall meet again in another story but until then, I hope you have a nice life and please take care of yourselves!
(Also, it’s been a while since I last watched the show but could it be that his ability doesn’t work on ability users? Like I cant remember him killing any ability users and that time he killed Ace, he used everything but. Same goes for all the times he fought with any other ability user. Isn’t really important to the story though, just wanted to mention it.)
Nikolai: *Breaks into Mersault to kill Fyodor*
Fyodor: Well, well, well. If it isn’t the consequences of my own actions.