Chapter Text
Only a month ago Soren - an older, wiser, more battle hardened Soren - joined Askr castle. At this point, keeping the different versions of her son in order is becoming far too difficult. Apparently Summoner has faced such a problem before and asserted that they should go by their titles rather than their names. But it’s still hard for the woman to wrap her mind around. She only just learned her true son’s name a short time before arriving here in this strange world. Now she’s just expected not to use it?
She huffs at the idea but she can’t help but admit to herself, at least, that it does make things easier.
Radiant. A suitable name for my son. She smiles to herself as she catches the way Ren chases after the older boy- the young man . Radiant rolls his eyes with a barely visible smile before he lifts the child up and carries him in his arms. Ren clings to him, kicking his feet and hugging his older self.
At first the young man didn’t seem to want anything to do with the child but like a bolt of lightning, things changed. Suddenly, when Ren scraped his knee he ran to Radiant instead of Almedha. When Ren was sleepy but wanted a bedtime story, he made his way to Radiant and Vanguard’s room instead of Almedha’s. When Ren struggled to cut his dinner into smaller pieces, he pushed his plate towards Radiant instead of his mother .
She can’t help the jealous pit that sits in her chest like a ball made of lead. But she also can’t help the shame she feels when she recognizes the jealousy. She should be overjoyed by the way Ren races to more and more people with a smile. She should be full of pride by the way Radiant smiles back at the child when he at first scowled. She should be happy for her son, in all his forms.
Her nails bite into her arm where she hadn’t realized she was gripping so tight.
“Mmmah-mm!” Ren giggles as he runs up to her. He meets her where she sits in the shade of a giant oak.
“Yes my sweet?” Her hands lazily make the shapes she’s been taught. As Ren speaks more and more, she finds herself signing less and less. Though she makes sure she always knows the basics. It only took finding Ren in tears and hyperventilating in a corner once to remind her of the importance of these lessons.
“Pp-ah pp nnn dddah gg-oo.” His hands move rapidly, only slowing down to let his words catch up <<Papa and Dad going>> “mmm.”
He taps his pinched fingers to his chin <<eat>>.
“Okay.” She nods along, glancing over the child’s shoulder to catch the way Radiant and Vanguard watch her. Radiant’s eyes read the same way her own do when she watches a stranger talk to her baby. Ren is her child - but how do you hold claim over someone else’s childhood? “You go have fun, okay?”
He twiddles his thumbs while he chews at his lip, bouncing from his heels to his toes and back to his heels.
<<Want you go with.>> He turns his big eyes to her, pleading for acceptance. Almedha isn’t sure why he seems so desperate for it but who is she to deny her baby anything in the world, much less her time?
“You do?” Excitement fills her lungs as she smiles brightly at him. “Are you sure?”
“Y-yy-yy.” The boy nods before scowling at himself, his tiny fist clenched. “Yy-yyee!”
“It’s okay my love.” She reaches out and rubs the boy’s arm. “Sometimes words we know are still hard to say. Take your time.”
Ren blushes with a smile and a nod before he presses his body into hers for a hug. She holds him tightly, soaking up all the love he’s willing to give her. When she opens her eyes to steal a peek at the two men, she catches the grimace engrained on Radiant’s face.
“Should we get going then my love?” Almedha pulls her face back but still holds the boy close.
He nods with a big toothy smile while pulling her up from her spot under the tree.
She follows dutifully, bowing her head to Radiant and Vanguard as she nears them. Radiant gives her a bow back but it’s sharp, cagey, polite yet unkind. Vanguard on the other hand, offers her a small smile that he often reserves for his family and Soren.
“Glad you’re able to join us, Lady Almedha.” Vanguard’s hands are swift as he signs along with his speech. He waves crossed fingers at Ren, his eyebrows raised into his headband. <<Ready?>>
Ren nods excitedly as he slips a hand into Radiant’s and his other into Almedha’s.
The adults walk in silence as Ren leads them forward to his favorite spot in the garden. As Vanguard and Radiant work to set up the blanket and food, Ren runs around the space showing Almedha all his favorite flowers.
<<This my favorite! Reason remind me Ike. He has same on bracelet.>> Ren bounces in place, his hands moving rapidly, so fast that Almedha can barely keep up. It doesn’t help that he keeps signing as he turns away to point at something new.
“Alright Ren, lunch is ready!” Radiant seats himself at a corner of the blanket and draws a plate to himself. He fills it with fruits and veggies and sandwich squares before setting it aside to grab another plate. Ren nestles into Radiant’s side, pulling the set aside plate into his lap and digging in.
“Here’s some water kiddo.” Vanguard passes over a cup, waiting for Ren to take it with both hands before he lets go of it.
Radiant shifts his gaze to watch Almedha like a hawk. He waits patiently for Almedha to make a move, clicking his tongue when she only places a few pieces of food on a plate for herself.
“You can take as much as you’d like, Lady Almedha.” Vanguard nods his head at her plate as he fills his own. “We made sure to bring plenty just in case you agreed to come.”
“Oh- I…I assumed it was a last minute decision to invite me.” She blushes, hesitantly reaching for a bit more food.
“Ren asked if he could invite you when we asked if he wanted a picnic.” Radiant corrects her, his tone and face flat. Ren looks up to smile at her with his cheeks puffed out from all the food he shoved in his mouth. Even after all this time here in Askr, he still eats as if someone will come along to steal his plate.
“Oh. I’m honored.” She tries to smile at them but it feels awkward, as if she can’t make her face let go of the jealousy as she watches the way Ren leans his head into Radiant’s arm.
The rest of their lunch is spent in silence. Birds sing and chatter in the tree above them, the sound of training in the yard past the garden reaches them, and the bustle of the castle can just be heard over the breeze. After getting his fill, Ren rubs at his eyes with a whine before he works his way into Radiant’s lap.
“Don’t fall asleep. You’ll have trouble settling in bed tonight.” Radiant clicks his tongue at the child but easily wraps his arms around him to create a cozier space for the boy.
<<I sleep not.>> He yawns as his hand moves slower and slower.
“Yeah yeah.” Vanguard chuckles while he shakes his head gently. Within minutes, the boy is fast asleep, purring and snoring softly.
Almedha bites at her lip as she moves to stand.
“I should…probably go.” She whispers as to not disturb the child.
“Why does he cling to you?” Radiant stares openly, not in a glare but rage still sits heavy in his eyes.
“I…I’m sure you’re aware by now that I’m your mother.” At this point, she’s openly spoken to every other iteration of her son about what they are and every iteration except for Ren has sneered before walking away without another word.
“Yes but that’s not what I’m asking.” Now his eyes sharpen as his lips curl up in disgust. “I never needed you back then, I won’t ever need you in the future, and neither has or will he. So what have you done to make him come running to you?”
Almedha flinches at his words, closing her eyes to the hatred in his face.
“You’re wrong.” She whispers as she kneels on the blanket, her heavy dress piling up around her. “You did need your mother. But I failed you. I failed him. I failed each and every one of you time and time again.”
She bows to him low enough that her brow rests on the blanket. This apology has been a long time coming. It should have been given when she first discovered the boy in her world. It should have been given the second she met him again here.
Each and every iteration of her son has pushed her away. All but the one she apologized to. He deserves her sincerest apology, whether he wants it or not.
“I am sorry you suffered because of my choices.” She keeps her face to the ground and forces herself to keep her tears to herself. Her pain is not his. He shouldn't be burdened by her hurts. “You were just a child and you were thrown to the wolves. And when we met again, when I knew who you were, I made another choice. I asked your name and then left you again. I thought that you didn’t need me. That I had missed my chance.”
Radiant tightens his arms around Ren, not enough to wake him but to simply hold him closer.
“But then I arrived here and I met him .” Almedha grimaces to herself and takes the painful tingle of blood flow to her head as divine punishment. “And he told me what he had been put through. Then I met Shrewd. His heart was little more than a frozen locked case of pain and hurt. When I spoke to him, it was clear that he hadn’t come into his own yet like the boy I met at the end of the Goddess war. And then I met Tradition. He’s older than all of you. Older than Ashnard when he was slain. Old enough that…that he has grieved the loss of his heart. He still hurts, he still grieves. He isolates himself because he believes he is alone in this world. I…I made another mistake. I shouldn’t have decided you didn’t need me back then outside of the Tower of Guidance.”
Vanguard reaches a hand out to Radiant, rubbing a soothing thumb into his arm as the dam breaks and Almedha's voice wobbles.
“I have made so many mistakes.” Almedha’s shoulders shake as she loses her grip on her agony. “I have no right to call you my son. But I’m trying now. I’m trying to listen to him and you and each iteration I meet of the boy I failed. I may never atone for my sins and my mistakes. But please, allow me to try to make up for some of the pain I have caused.”
Almedha holds her position as she waits for his verdict, as she was taught in Goldoa from a young age.
“I can’t forgive you.” Radiant says through a shaky voice. “Not yet at least. I don’t know if I ever will.”
“I do not expect your forgiveness.” Almedha nods as she sniffles, setting a fire in her nose. “I simply wish to be given a chance to make amends for some of the pain I have caused you.”
“...Fine.” Radiant shifts as he moves to stand with Ren in his arms. “It’s not as if I can tell him to stay away from you anyways, even if I wanted to.”
Almedha raises her head to look up at her son.The sun peeks through the leaves of the tree they’re under and shines brilliantly against the boys’ hair, making the green pop like emeralds.
“Thank you…Soren.” Almedha bows her head to hide the tears that build in her eyes. She picks herself up and curtsies to the men before walking back to Askr castle.
---
Ikey and Ren run around each other, giggling and signing as they tumble in the grass and wildflowers. Mimi chases after them on stubby legs, narrating their game. Greil, in his festive clothes, chuckles at the children from behind Almedha.
“You know, Lady Almedha, I remember seeing you around the castle while I was one of Daein's Four Riders.” Greil scratches at his chin as he swaggers over to sit next to her in the grass. “When Soren first came to my mercenary fort asking for work, I swore he looked familiar somehow. But I never did figure out why . I tried to get him to open up to me, but whatever his life was like before my company made him cagey and skittish.”
Almedha glances at the man from the corner of her eye but otherwise keeps her attention on the children. Ren lays on his back in the grass, giggling up at Ike who hovers over him signing about heroes and knights and castles.
“I don’t know how your son came to my doorstep,” Greil sighs, tapping his fingers together while he watches Mimi dance around Ren to ‘cast a spell’, “but I thank fate that he did. He made sure my business stayed afloat without abandoning our morals. He encouraged Mist and Rolf to actually pay attention to their studies. He somehow convinced Rhys to actually take care of his own health. But the true miracle? He brought light back into my son’s eyes.”
“I won’t tell you his story.” Almedha grinds the words through her teeth.
“I wouldn’t ask you to.” Greil shakes his head with a groan. “I just…I don’t know. When…we lost Elena, the kids’ mother, I was terrified that I’d never see my boy smile again. I thought you might like to know that no matter the circumstances, there’s always hope. For them. For us .”
Ikey falls to the ground dramatically beside Soren, waving a hand up at him with a toothy grin, <<I love you.>>
Soren rolls onto his stomach to look the other boy in the face as he waves the same sign at him with his own beaming smile.
“...Thank you…Sir Gawain.” Almedha whispers as she finally looks at the man. “You were always one of the best men within Daein’s borders. Ashnard was a fool who never deserved your loyalty.”
Greil scratches at the back of his head with an awkward grin.
---
Almedha gently knocks on a simple door, waiting with bated breath. As the door opens, it reveals Vanguard wearing loose sleeping pants and a barely existing night shirt. Behind him, Radiant is settled in a plush chair in his own sleeping pants and undershirt, with Ren curled into his lap. The man doesn’t skip a beat as he continues reading a children’s book to Ren who’s eyes seem to be getting heavier and heavier.
“Lady Almedha, how can I help you?” Vanguard steps aside to welcome her in but she hesitates at the threshold.
“I was hoping I could give Ren goodnight kisses? I noticed that his room had been moved next to yours.” She clears her throat as she finally takes a small step in.
“Oh yeah, of course. He was actually asking about you.” Vanguard waves for her to come further in so that he could shut the door behind her. He steps over to Radiant and Ren to gently tap the boy’s shoulder. “Hey kiddo, look who’s here.”
His sleepy eyes squint up at the man before landing on Almedha and lighting up.
“Mm-ahm!” He squirms out of Radiant’s lap and runs into her arms to be lifted into the air.
“Hi baby!” She returns his bright smile, hugging him close to her. “I just came by to say goodnight and I love you.”
“‘Ood nn-ht.” He rubs his nose against her’s before pressing a sloppy kiss to her cheek. “Ahh-vve eww eww.”
Radiant watches with a raised brow as Almedha slowly lets the boy slip out of her hug and back to the floor.
“Good night Radiant. Good night Vanguard.” Almedha nods to both of them, restraining the ‘I love you’ she wants to say to the young man in his chair.
“Good night.” Radiant nods back before lifting Ren back into his lap. “Sleep well.”