Chapter Text
A clear sky as far as sight could see, cool breeze flowing past, the sound of chatters and laughter filling the space, the fragrance of spices mixed with other scents, the hubbub of an idle town surrounding his senses, and Shen Jiuzhi hummed.
He looked down at the beginning of the letter he was writing toward his shizun and wondered.
‘Should I change my address toward Shizun? I mean… I have already addressed myself as his son and I did call him ‘Baba’ that one time… he’s practically… my… fa-’
Shen Jiuzhi’s face rapidly reddened at the direction of his thought and he shook his head to clear his mind. No, he couldn’t do it just yet. He wasn’t ready to use that term full-time yet.
Still, Shen Jiuzhi looked down at his letter and smiled. ‘ Perhaps….’
“Greeting Shizun,
The current location I am in is a good place for retirement I believe. The weather all around is very pleasant. As far as I know, there are little conflicts here. According to the citizens, even if there are conflicts, it won’t reach the level of life and death duels. Instead, there is a custom of resolving their conflicts or differences through some sort of competition.
The competition isn’t a singular competition either. It is a variety of competitions decided by a certain artifact, which I believe is bound to this town for some reason, and everyone in this town abides by it religiously. According to them, the artifact will choose the competition that both sides are good at, so no one could complain when they lose, so the competition could be anything.
It is a very interesting event, one that I wish to witness personally. Alas, despite the fact that there are many people with various personalities in this town, there are unexpectedly few conflicts abound. Hence, it is rather hard to see the competition.
How disappointing. I have wanted to see it for research purposes… oh well, I suppose I could stay in this town longer or maybe settle in it at a later time… hmm, a thought for another day then.
As always, I do hope that Shizun is well and everything is going smoothly for him and the sect. This son… misses seeing Shizun.
Shen Jiuzhi”
Shen Jiuzhi quickly sent the letter before his mind could come up with a myriad of reasons to rewrite the letter.
Xu Anxia read the letters over and over again, pure happiness exuding from his very being. His son, his Jiuzhi, said he misses him! His son missed him!
When Xu Anxia’s mind truly registered the words his son had written to him, he stood up and began to check his schedule. As unfortunate as it was, he was still Qing Jing Peak Lord after all. He had many duties to his name, especially since he had banned the other peaks’ succeeding disciples from his peak.
Still, he would find a time or if he couldn’t find one, then he would make time to meet his son.
His son missed him!
His adorable baby son missed him!
At this moment, a sudden knock on the door broke Xu Anxia out from his delightful mood, and he scowled.
“Enter.”
“Xu-Shidi, how are you doing?”
“Is there anything that requires this one’s presence, Zhangmen-Shixiong?” Xu Anxia asked, choosing to ignore the other’s query about his well-being.
To be honest, normally, he wouldn’t be this rude to Gu Anping. However, he was disappointed with the other.
Even up until now, the others still had not done anything to improve those pampered spoiled brats’ behaviors nor taught them how to treat everyone with basic common decency. The sect leader was simply coming to his place over and over again, trying to change his mind and to pick another succeeding disciple.
Hah. No chance he would ever do that. He had already chosen his successor, and that person was his Jiuzhi, his ever-bright son.
Well, even though his Jiuzhi had chosen to back off and no longer kept his position, it was still his. No one else could replace him, and if the others wanted to force him to change his mind, then they better capitulate to his demands.
“Xu-Shidi, please, can’t we talk about this? If we don’t, then Cang Qiong will fall apart at its seams. Do you forget our shizuns’ wish? They ask us to protect Cang Qiong and lead it forward. They will not wish to see its current situation.”
“And whose fault do you think this situation came to be? Besides, our shizuns wishes are for us and we have done what they ask for. Right now, the reason why Cang Qiong is on the threshold of falling apart at its seams isn’t because of us. It is because of the Qing generation.”
“It is not only because of them, but because of you too, and you know it, Xu-Shidi. If you do not decide on what you did, then we won’t be having the problem we are now.” Gu Anping looked at Xu Anxia gravely. “I understand Shen-shizi’s situation and what led to it, but your reaction to that is way overboard. That is not the way Qing Jing Peak Lord I know acts.”
“… Overboard you say?” Xu Anxia’s eyelashes shadowed his eyes. “Perhaps, yes, in terms of my position as Qing Jing peak lord, my decision is currently overboard. However, I do not lightly make that decision just because of the harm done to my successor. That verdict is made for the sake of the future generation past the Qing generation. I am making such a decision to make the Qing generation an example for the generation after it.”
“Example?”
“Yes. An example. Of what price one paid for one’s arrogance and decision. Of the impact it caused when people in positions of power and succeeding those powers become blinded and thought themselves to be infallible and above others.” Xu Anxia raised his eyes and looked toward Gu Anping straight in the eyes.
“If you and everyone else want to turn a blind eye toward what happened in the Qing generation and wave it off as youths’ folly, then I’ll have to disappoint you. I’ll make sure the lesson is painfully etched in the mind of everyone and the future generation to come.”
Xu Anxia tapped the low table with his forefinger and smiled grimly. “United we stand, divided we fall. That is the tenet our ancestors handed down to us, and now that the Qing generation has failed our core principle, then this shall be their punishment.”
The atmosphere in the room stiffened and no one spoke. In the end, Gu Anping sighed as he stood up, preparing to leave. “Very well, I understand. I shall inform the others of what we spoke this day. I doubt you’d want to see Chen-shimei just yet.”
“Please. Oh, before I forget, it’s not me who caused this to happen. Or rather, it’s not only me, it’s all of us. Everyone's decision to turn a blind eye toward what was happening in our chosen successors’ generation causes this. My own lack of action until it is too late causes this. However, unlike everyone who is content to let things be, I finally decided to step up and act .”
“They’re kids!”
“They’re no longer kids, Zhangmen-Shixiong. True, compared to us, they are still children. However, they are also full-fledged adults with the mind to think on their own. Yet, what they did… what they had done… Zhangmen-Shixiong, they are people who are supposed to succeed us. Their actions have consequences far deeper and farther than just themselves.”
Gu Anping fell silent and did not deny this. As much as he’d like to say there was still time for them to grow up, to mature, he also knew that it was far too late. Not with the consequences of their actions and lack of actions in front of their face with the distinct lack of green robes among the Qing generation successor’s midst.
“I… understand.”
Xu Anxia did not speak further, silently closing the conversation.
Shen Jiuzhi looked around the market, trying to find local specialties he could use to prepare food for his shizun. However, all the market’s wares were common wares that he didn’t think were suitable to be used in meals for his shizun.
“I suppose I have to go hunt for some suitable meat and fruits, huh…,” Shen Jiuzhi mused to himself out loud as he proceeded to walk away from the market.
At that moment, a whisper caught his ears, and he turned around.
“Shen Qingqiu….” Liu Qingge breathed out, standing transfixed not far from him.
And, for a moment, Shen Jiuzhi didn’t know what to feel or think. The sound of the market’s hubbub seemed to fade away to nothingness in his perspective. However, soon, he snapped out of it and nodded toward Liu Qingge lightly before turning around to leave.
“WAIT! SHEN QINGQIU, WAIT!” Liu Qingge shouted as he barreled through the throng of people, hands stretched out toward the disappearing back.
“Ouch, you brute! What are you planning to do to me, huh?!” Shen Jiuzhi snapped out as he rebalanced himself on the ground.
“I’m… you’re planning to go away, so…,” Liu Qingge stammered, yet the grasp he had on Shen Jiuzhi’s arm remained firm and unyielding.
“Fine. Let go, then we’ll talk.”
Liu Qingge let go as demanded, yet his eyes remained locked onto Shen Jiuzhi’s form.
“I’m not going to run away. Anyway, that’s futile action when you’ll definitely be on my trail like a hound on blood. Come, we’ll talk in a more secluded location.”
“So,” Shen Jiuzhi started, looking right at Liu Qingge from his seat, and waited. Alas, Liu Qingge didn’t speak. Instead, the other just silently looked at him without saying anything.
“Well? Tell me what you want and stop sitting there looking as if you’re drinking in the sight of me before you. That’s creepy, you know?”
“I! I never meant to come out as creepy! And. And I do have something to tell you. It’s just…” Liu Qingge stopped talking at that point. The other hesitated . Something that Shen Jiuzhi never thought he’d ever see from him.
“Just speak. It’s not like you to consider the words that come out of your mouth.”
“Argh! I’m trying to be considerate here!”
“That’s why I said: Just speak. It’s legitimately disturbing to know you’re trying to be considerate with your words. You have never been considerate on that aspect, give it up and just be your usual brutish self.”
“Shen Qingqiu! You!” Liu Qingge stood up, outraged. However, soon he deflated back to his seat and grumbled, “This is why we don’t get along. You’re such a difficult person to talk to. Can’t you be honest for once without trying to divert the conversation?”
“What conversation? I recall you never actually said what you wanted to say. It’s your fault for letting yourself be waylaid, you know?”
“Fine, you stop talking. I will be the one who is talking from this point on.”
Liu Qingge stood up and began to pace.
“First thing first, I’m not here to drag you back to the sect. I know that it must have taken a lot of consideration for you to take that step. It’s just, I think there’s a lot of things we have left unsaid between us.” Liu Qingge stopped pacing and looked straight at the sitting Shen Jiuzhi with a frown.
“I don’t understand why you never denied my accusation against you. Why you never told me you didn’t go to the brothel for its intended purposes; why you never told me you didn’t try to kill me at that Well mission; why you were always acting as if our spars are a life and death fight you have to win if not you’d die.”
Liu Qingge then fell silent for a moment at that point and he looked hurt when he spoke the next words.
“I don’t know the reasons and you have never told me anything .”
Liu Qingge’s hurt expression almost caused Shen Jiuzhi to respond, but the Bai Zhan succeeding disciple held his hand up and continued speaking, “No. I didn’t understand, but I now do, somewhat. We have never given you a reason to open up, to believe that we will trust your words, to believe that we will never hurt you. We have never acted, have never tried , as your martial siblings. We failed.”
The youth, no, man who’d be known as Bai Zhan’s War God in the future then proceeded to pace once again. “I failed. I’m the one who’s closest to you in the sect, and I know you. Yet, I still made snap judgments on you due to the rumors. I failed and let hubris fill my head.”
At that, Shen Jiuzhi stopped the other from talking. “It isn’t wholly your and the others’ fault that we couldn’t become martial siblings. Some part of the blame also lay with me. You’re right that you have never given me a reason, but neither have I given you one.”
Shen Jiuzhi let his words sink into Liu Qingge’s mind before he continued, “The fault on your side is your unwillingness to believe that you’re wrong with your initial judgment. Everyone is used to always being told they’re right and have no fault that you all couldn’t handle my existence. Someone who would contradict you, whose existence was contrary to your expectations and experience. Your failure is your reluctance to cross-check your belief, to know that you could be wrong.”
Shen Jiuzhi fell silent and shook his head. “But I also failed. I had never given you and the others reasons to question your judgment. I had let you be comfortable in the little bubble you enclosed yourself in. I failed to give you and everyone else a chance to be more than who I thought you to be. A bunch of blind, spoiled, and pampered young masters and mistresses. I failed to give you and the rest a chance to prove me wrong. I never tried to give that chance in the first place.”
Shen Jiuzhi turned his gaze down the window, where everyone was living their life the best they could, and smiled lightly. “The failure comes from both sides, Liu Qingge. You may have let hubris fill your head, but I also let my prejudice and apprehension hold me back from reaching out to the hands you held toward me.”
Liu Qingge opened his mouth and looked like he was planning to object, but Shen Jiuzhi stopped him. “Don’t tell me you didn’t do that. You did. However unknowingly, you did do that. You held out your hand and waited for me to reach back. I didn’t take that chance, and that’s on me.”
Both of them gazed into each other’s eyes, silently asking the other something both were too afraid to voice out loud.
‘If so, then will you take my hand this time? Will you tell me the truth in your eyes?’
‘If I do, will you keep holding on? Will you listen?’
Yet, something within the other’s eyes seemed to tell the answer, and they smiled.
‘Ok, I will take it and tell you the truth as I know it.’
‘I won’t ever let go, and I will listen this time. No matter how impatient I become, I will listen, and I won’t ever let you go.’
The exchange lasted for a brief moment, yet it somehow felt like an eternity. Then…
“Right, now that the talk is over, will you accompany me to hunt? I need ingredients to cook for my shizun.”
“You can cook?”
“Of course I can, brute.”
“Oh, and you’re meeting with Xu-shibo? When?”
“Yes, I’m meeting shizun next week. You aren’t invited.”
“It’s unfair that you’ll only cook for him. When I also help out with the hunt.”
“Well, it’s fine if you don’t want to help out. I can hunt by myself just fine.”
Liu Qingge rolled his eyes. “No need to be prissy, I’ll help with the hunt. I want you to cook for me too though. After your meal with Xu-shibo that is.”
“Fine.”
Xu Anxia swept in and looked around to find a veritable feast presented on the dining table. However, there was no Shen Jiuzhi.
He could not even sense his son’s spiritual power that would let him find where his son was.
“A’Zhi? Son?” Xu Anxia called out.
“Eh? Shizun, you arrive early.”
Shen Jiuzhi’s voice came from behind Xu Anxia, and Xu Anxia turned around, only to find Shen Jiuzhi and Liu Qingge standing together side by side.
The sight caused Xu Anxia’s expression to shift minutely, but it was so slight that the pair did not notice anything.
“A’Zhi, you were with Liu-shizi just now?”
“Yes, he is helping me with the final touch of this meal, Shizun.”
“Greetings, Xu-Shibo.” Although Xu Anxia ignored him, Liu Qingge simply nodded his head and turned toward Shen Jiuzhi, “I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah, see you later.”
“Don’t forget.”
“Yeah, yeah. I won’t. Now, go already. I want my shizun to taste the food I make already.”
Xu Anxia watched the interaction between the two with thoughtful eyes, choosing to observe instead of interjecting. Alas, what he could observe was little since the little Bai Zhan soon left. Still, those brief interactions between them were enough for him to hazard some guesses.
After Liu Qingge left, Xu Anxia raised his eyebrow and comment idly, “A’Zhi’s relationship with Liu-shizi seems to be have changed for the better.”
“Shizun….” Shen Jiuzhi let out a wry smile. “There’s no need for Shizun to probe like that, this son will tell Shizun the truth he asked for. And, it is true, this son’s relationship with Liu Qingge has changed for the better.”
“Is that so…? But what about those things you told me before?”
Shen Jiuzhi fell silent for a moment before he sighed. “This son has let it go, Shizun. Each and every single one of us contributed to what happened, not even I am exempt from fault. That’s why I simply left. It’s just tiring. Besides, isn’t it better to travel and see the world that has born me thrice?”
A fleeting smile crossed Shen Jiuzhi’s lips as he uttered, “For it to have let me live three times, even if the life given is not good, means that I’m needed here, don’t you think so, Shizun?”
“It is good that you can think that way.”
“Come, Shizun. This son has personally cooked every meal here for you to taste.” Shen Jiuzhi directed the topic toward the prepared meal.
“Very well, this father will taste the meal his son personally cooks.” Xu Anxia said with a smile in his eyes and watched as Shen Jiuzhi slowly registered the words he had spoken.
When it did, Shen Jiuzhi’s face reddened like a flourishing blossom. Yet, he did not speak nor reject the way Xu Anxia refers to him. In all the ways that matter, Xu Anxia was and is his father.
Once the meal was over, Shen Jiuzhi served the tea he brewed to Xu Anxia, and they both sipped it carefully.
“A’Zhi, let us talk.”
When he heard this, Shen Jiuzhi’s eyelashes fluttered and shadowed his eyes, concealing his thoughts. However, he did not react any other way and simply waited for the other’s words.
“This father knows his son is smart, so he must have some guesses on what this father wants to talk about.”
“Please tell me, Baba.”
“Aish, you’re no fun, Son.” Xu Anxia grumbled playfully before he turned serious. “You know that I’m Qing Jing Peak Lord. Sometimes, even if I do not want to do something, I still have to do it nonetheless.”
“I understand, Baba.”
Xu Anxia closed his eyes briefly before he opened them again and looked at Shen Jiuzhi’s calm visage. “Due to various reasons, even though I had agreed to release you from the succeeding disciple of Qing Jing Peak’s position, I still require you to teach the next generation.”
Hearing this, Shen Jiuzhi let out a weary sigh. “What about Qing Jing Peak’s Qing generation’s successor then? Shouldn’t that be their duty?”
“I have decided not to pick a replacement. The name Shen Qingqiu belongs to you as is Qing Jing Peak Lord’s position in the Qing generation.”
“Baba?”
“This is the collective punishment for the Qing generation, Son. Their generation shall have no help from Qing Jing Peak, be it collective knowledge, innovation, strategy, or wisdom. Let them carry on, stumbling if need be, without Qing Jing to light up the road for them. You, meanwhile, shall not have the power that is accorded to Qing Jing Peak Lord but you shall shoulder on Qing Jing Peak Lord’s duty of grooming a successor.”
Xu Anxia stopped talking and fell silent briefly before he continued on. “As you said, none of you are exempt from fault. Each of you is to blame for what happened. Thus, this is the punishment I could give without compromising your wish for freedom, A’Zhi. Despite everything, I am after all…”
“Qing Jing Peak Lord.” Shen Jiuzhi and Xu Anxia’s voice overlapped together.
“I understand, Baba. I was, after all, a Qing Jing Peak Lord as well once upon a time,” Shen Jiuzhi said, no hint of blame in his tone.
Indeed, Shen Jiuzhi understood all too well what the position entailed, and the reasoning behind Xu Anxia’s choice and decision. The fact that Xu Anxia could even let him go when he had no intention of choosing another successor showed how much he favored Shen Jiuzhi.
So, from the moment Xu Anxia began, Shen Jiuzhi never had any intention to refute or reject the duty he was given regardless of his own personal feelings on the matter. Xu Anxia had given him enough, and Shen Jiuzhi was not an ungrateful person.
“This son heard and heed his Father’s direction,” Shen Jiuzhi said, bright eyes staring straight at Xu Anxia’s sorrowful ones. “Come, Father. Let us savor the tea while it is still warm.”
Wordlessly, the two passed times together like this, in gentle understanding and warm silence.
“X-xiao Jiu?” A tremulous voice called out, causing both Liu Qingge and Shen Jiuzhi to turn around and frown simultaneously.
Liu Qingge shot a look at Yue Qingyuan and turned toward Shen Jiuzhi, but Shen Jiuzhi shook his head and tilted it toward a nearby tea house.
“I’ll wait for you there.”
“Okay.” Liu Qingge agreed simply and moved toward Yue Qingyuan.
Shen Jiuzhi, meanwhile, simply went to the tea house and asked for a private room. He then ensured that the room would be secure and no one would be able to eavesdrop before he settled down to wait.
He did not need to wait for long because soon Liu Qingge and Yue Qingyuan appeared. “Come, sit down.”
“Xiao Jiu, Qi-Ge is sorry. Come back, please.” Yue Qingyuan ignored Shen Jiuzhi’s invitation and immediately spoke, ignoring Shen Jiuzhi’s invitation to sit. At this moment, all he wanted was for Shen Jiuzhi to be back with him.
“Qi-Ge will protect Xiao Jiu this time, he won’t let the others attack and isolate Xiao Jiu like before. He will make sure they apologize, so come back, Xiao Jiu. You promise Xiao Jiu, you promise…”
“I promise loyalty to you and to be your sworn brother when you’re still Yue Qi, Yue Qingyuan.” Shen Jiuzhi interrupted. “That doesn’t mean that I have to stay by your side and be forever bound to you.”
“No, Xiao Jiu!”
“Stop. Stop it, Yue Qingyuan. If there’s still some part of you, of Yue Qi who loves me, then stop. Please, if you ever treasure our relationship as brothers, please…”
At this moment, Yue Qingyuan looked ugly, wanting to cry but did not dare to; wanting to speak but having no words to utter. His struggle was obvious to all looking, yet Shen Jiuzhi no longer had any heart to ease the other’s suffering.
When all was said and done, they could no longer return to those innocent times when two people depended on one another with pure trust.
“Yue Qingyuan, look at me.” Shen Jiuzhi ordered, causing Yue Qingyuan to look at him with bright eyes, hoping that Shen Jiuzhi would change his decision. “I’ll just say this once. The Xiao Jiu you are searching for is dead, Yue Qingyuan, just like the Yue Qi Xiao Jiu waited for is gone. I am no longer your Xiao Jiu, and you’re no longer my Yue Qi.”
“NO! You’re Xiao Jiu and I’m your Qi-Ge!” Yue Qingyuan roared before he deflated into himself. “If you’re not Xiao Jiu and I’m not your Qi-Ge, then who am I supposed to be?”
“Be yourself Yue Qingyuan. Don’t tie yourself to others to live. You’ve already built a new life without me, continue that life.” Shen Jiuzhi said as he stood up. “I wish you to have a good life, Yue Qingyuan, that never changed back then and even now. It’s just now I will build my own life, one separate from yours.”
“But!”
“Yue Qingyuan, no, Yue Qi. This is what I want. I want to build my own life. I don’t want to wrap my sense of worth around you anymore. I don’t want to constantly try to prove myself worthy only to be found wanting for whatever reason again. If you ever think of yourself as my brother, if you ever think of us as family, then you won’t stop me.”
Shen Jiuzhi looked deeply into Yue Qingyuan’s eyes, engraving the sight of his living brother into his mind, and smiled. “I wish you well, Qi-Ge. May your happiness be abundant and prosperity be within grasp.”
Without waiting for Yue Qingyuan to react, Shen Jiuzhi left. Liu Qingge followed close behind even as he looked at Yue Qingyuan worriedly.
“Are you… sure about this?”
“I am.”
Farewell, Yue Qi. May we never cross paths in this life and the next.
Life spun on
Whirling on and on without stopping
Meeting and separation
Are but a notch in the tapestry of life
Stride forward and spread your hands out
Grasp for a life that is yours
A journey always starts with a first step
Yet without an end in sight
Weaving an exciting palette of threads