Chapter Text
Squidbeak Splatoon
11:56 AM KaTC
BigMan: So how is the Sinnoh tour going Mon Chéri?
Marina: Great! Even better now I have someone for you two to meet!
Marie: Ash, we aren't going to add another of our celebrity crushes to this relationship.
Marina: What? No. I'm showing you my newest team member
Marina: Ta-da!!
Marina uploaded image lookather.jpeg
BigMan: A Piplup! She's so adorable!!!
Marie: Not to mention huge.
Marina: I know, right? :)
Marina uploaded image sizecomparisionlol.jpeg
BigMan: Dawn's Piplup is pissed lol.
Marie: SHES LIKE TRIPLE THE SIZE HOW?!
Marina: Something something Alpha gene? Called Cynthia about it, she said it's a remnant from the time Sinnoh was Hisui and giant Pokémon roamed the land?
BigMan: Only you, Ash, only you.
Marina: The fact you're so reserved about it says a lot, Serena.
Marie: Says a lot more about your luck. You've been travelling Sinnoh with Dawn and Brock, what, two weeks now, and already you've stumbled across and befriended a rare wild female starter who also happens to be an Alpha Pokémon.
Marina: Okay, yeah Clem, I see your point.
BigMan: If she was shiny I would have been more impressed tho.
Marie: SERE DO NOT ENCOURAGE HIM!
BigMan: >:3
Marie: Do not give me that face, its bad enough Bonnie is already up to shenanigans.
Marina: How is her journey going, by the way?
Marie: Great, she's had Dedenne transferred over as her starter and already caught a Flabébé
BigMan: Two fairy types huh, Valerie better watch her back.
Marina: Any news on if Squishy's going to join her?
Marie: Not yet, why?
Marina: No reason.
BigMan: You miss Greninja, don't you Ash?
Marina: I miss Greninja.
Marie: Oh, Ash.
BigMan: Oh, hun.
Marina: I saw him briefly during the PWC run but there were still vines and I had hoped they'd all be gone by now and I hate that it's all been forced upon him.
BigMan: Mon chéri, you can still feel him through the bond, right?
Marina: Yeah, but it's not the same, Sere.
BigMan: I know, hun, I know. Maybe have a conversation with him tonight or something, tell him about Piplup! You're one day closer to the vines being gone for good.
Marina: Thanks, mi amor, you're right.
Marie: Fuck Lysandre
BigMan: CLEMONT VÉTRA
Marina: Fuck Lysandre
BigMan: …
BigMan: Fuck Lysandre
Marie: There, was that so hard to say?
BigMan: You know I don't like swearing.
Marie: What, fuck?
BigMan: No, the L word.
Marina: I love you both so much right now
Marie: And we love you too, Ash.
BigMan: Oh Xerneas, I remember Clem and I confessing to you at the exact same time at that Airport.
Marie: Right, and you looked at us confused assuming We were dating.
Marina: But you were though.
BigMan: Well yeah we were but details.
Marie: I so thought you were going to reject one of us.
Marina: Why though? I have two hands.
BigMan: THATS EXACTLY WHAT YOU SAID THAT DAY TOO
Marina: Did I?
Marie: Can confirm, you did.
Marina: Huh, sweet.
BigMan: Bonnie was freaking out about it though
Marina: Yeah, I remember her saying “I'm going to get 3 times more presents!”
Marie: Gremlin spawn.
BigMan: Oi, that is your sister you're talking about and my future sister in law.
Marina: Sere, she faked not knowing Kaloçais just to mess with you both. There is a reason I call her a little Aipom.
BigMan: Okay, fair…
Marie: Oh, gtg, got a Challenger on the way up. Love you both!
BigMan: je t'aime aussi, Clem. Au revoir!
Marina: See you soon, Clem!
BigMan: I've gotta log off too, Slyveon is demanding she learn Moonblast to “Smite the unworthy”
Marina: Oh my Noctowl knows Moonblast, if you'd like I could send her over when I next reach a Pokémon Center.
BigMan: That would be fantastique! Thanks, Mon Chéri!!! Love you, bye!
Marina : Love you too, bye!
Arceus can Smite me for all I care
13:42 PM GMT
#general
ImGayeFiteMe: And update to the Sinnoh Squads trippppp
pwc.bloggr/piplup-is-not-amused/homepage.com
pipluppride: that is the biggest Piplup ive ever seen whose is it?!?!?
Username=comedy: umm according to the blog, Ash's.
CHIMCHARBESTSTARTER: WHAT, BOOO.
pipluppride: sucks to suck loser
CurryorBust: @CHIMCHARBESTSTARTER umm doesn't he already have an Infernape?
CHIMCHARBESTSTARTER: OH. YEAH YOURE RIGHT
nerdicusmaximus: Wait, isn't that the full Sinnoh starter trio now?
Thiccthighssavlives: Im sorry, WHAT?!
AlmightyLeader: Yeah, dude has 4 complete starter trios.
nerdicusmaximus: The Kanto trio of Squirtle, Charmander and Bulbasaur with Charizard the only evolved one. The Johto Trio of Totodile, Cyndaquil and Chikorita with Quilava and Bayleef at stage two. The Sinnoh Trio of Piplup, Chimchar and Turtwig with Infernape and Torterra fully evolved. And finally the Unova Trio of Oshawott, Tepig and Snivy with only Pignite at stage two.
JokerDucker: say shit about the unevolved starters and you'll get Gramps on your ass
nerdicusmaximus: no need, that Bulbasaur is fucking terrifying.
AlmightyLeader: I'm waiting for him to get a Popplio and that's the Alola Trio added to the mix.
Username=comedy: Alola bias much?
AlmightyLeader: mayhaps.
ScrewGravity: @nerdicusmaximus dude you need to update your list. He has a Serperior now
nerdicusmaximus: … excuse me?
ScrewGravity: Ketchum has a Serperior. His Snivy evolved twice.
ImGayeFiteMe: WHEN?!
ScrewGravity: about a couple of weeks before the Sinnoh Squad trip, why?
ImGayeFiteMe: Serperior is like my favourite Pokémon ever, send pics.
ScrewGravity: here
pwc.Chatter.com//Oak-Pallet-Ranch/status/689252001547
ImGayeFiteMe: THEYRE SO ADORABLE TOGETHER
ScrewGravity: I know right?!
AlmightyLeader: I think we may have to make a channel solely for conspiracy theories now
JokerDucker: sadly I think you're right.
ImGayeFiteMe: Please do, cos I'm not gonna stop sharing The Sinnoh Squad Roadtrip™
Username=Comedy: How the fuck did you do That?!
ImGayeFiteMe: A girl never reveals her secrets… unless it's to her sapphic roommate of course.
Pikapika: Oh my Arceus, they were roomates.
ImGayeFiteMe: GRAMPS?@?!?
CurryorBust: HOLY BLOODY SHIT OTDISRISTKZGKXG
nerdicusmaximus: did the old geezer… just meme?
Pikapika: :)
AlmightyLeader: Alright, who taught him that?
Pikapika: None of you lot, that is for sure.
Pikapika: Now please excuse me, I have a new Pokémon I need to spend time training up.
CurryorBust: Oh shit I forgot gramps was A trainer too.
nerdicusmaximus: aren't all of us trainers?
ImGayeFiteMe: sucks to suck dude, I'm a Coordinator
nerdicusmaximus: but you still have a trainers license. the term for a general user of Pokémon is a trainer.
ImGayeFiteMe: shuddup
ScrewGravity: oh fuck off nerd, only people like you care about that.
nerdicusmaximus: but it's Factually Correct.
CHIMCHARBESTSTARTER: WHO GIVES A SHIT
Thiccthighssavlives: For once in my life, i agree with Chimchar. Who fucking cares
nerdicusmaximus: I DO
ImGayeFiteMe: OH NO FUCKING SHIT SHERLOCK
AlmightyLeader: ffs Gramps leaves for ten seconds and this server goes to shit.
pipluppride: im just sitting back and enjoying the show
JokerDucker: …
JokerDucker: @pipluppride got any popcorn, mate?
pipluppride: hell yeah
AlmightyLeader: Arceus fucking smite me already
“We just spoke earlier, Sere, did you really need to call?” Clemont’s sigh almost pushed his phone speaker to its limits.
“Oui! Of course we do Clem,” she huffed haughtily. “You haven't forgotten what day it is, right?” At her boyfriends’ blank faces she too sighed, only hers was deeper and far more dramatic than Clemont's. “You both have? Seriously? I assumed Ash would have but you too, Clem?” Ash heard belly laughter from behind him, knowing full well Dawn was enjoying this immensely.
“I have been really busy with challengers and my inventions…” Clemont's face turned bright red all of a sudden. “... Plus with Bonnie and you not here to remind me…”
“And you both call me hopeless?” Ash teased, feeling Pikachu's claws dig into his jacket to keep himself from falling off laughing. Clemont's even redder face made both of his partners laugh. After she had finished laughing, Serena began typing away at her laptop, hitting enter a millisecond before Clemonts computer dinged with a notification. He squinted reading at it only to gasp in shock and slap his head.
“I am an idiot.”
“I'm not going to argue with you there,” Serena giggled. “We've been working on that for months now. Trust you to forget on the big day.”
“Could the two of you enlighten me as to why I'm not being told about this secret?” Ash asked, leaning in closer to the camera on Brock's tablet, resting his arms folded on the camp table.
“You'll find out in a minute,” she grinned, winking cheekily. “Speaking of… Pikachu… If you'd please.”
“Pi ka chu.” His buddy answered, before turning around on his perch so that his tail could be used to completely block Ash's vision.
“Really?” Ash found himself sighing, he expected better from them. “You do remember I have Aura, right? I didn't spend my PWC run with Lucario for the fun of it, you know. I can see without my eyes.”
“You do that, Ash Ketchum Ortega, and the moment you step foot on Kalos you're in the Furfrou house.” Serena scolded. For some reason, a well founded one probably, Ash felt more terrified than the image of his mama scolding him with la chancla in hand.
“OK, I promise I'm not going to, promise!” He quickly reassured her, fearing for his life if he didn't.
“Good.” Was her simple reply. Clemont was snorting to himself until he suddenly stopped. Ash guessed Serena had sent a stern glare his way too on the video call. At least both the boys knew who wore the pants in their relationship. Without his eyesight, he picked up on the hushed giggles from Dawn and the rustling footsteps coming up from behind him. He found it hard not to move, not trusting that Dawn wouldn't dump whipped cream in his hair or something. The worry quickly turned to confusion when he felt something be placed on his lap, something with a tail that moved. He still didn't dare move until Serena gave Pikachu the go ahead to remove his tail.
Ash opened his eyes to find a silver Eevee perched adorably on his lap, blinking up at him with huge black eyes.
“... What?” He began to question when suddenly two different language versions of “Happy Birthday to you” both from the screen in front of him and from behind him began. The Kaloçais version was both sung beautifully and incredibly off-key, no questions to whom which voice belonged to. The Tojohensin version with its two different dialects also had a good and a bad. The Kantonian rendition was sung well but not with the best musical talent meanwhile the Sinnohnian version was purposefully bad. Even Pikachu and the new Eevee in his lap sang along in their own Pokemon language, swaying happily to the mixed melody.
Oh right, today was his birthday.
Once the song was over, all the trainers began clapping as Ash found himself tearing up. Eevee leapt at his chest, covering his face with continuous licks and slobber.
“How did you… I mean… how?” He could barely speak, laughing at the ticklishness of the Eevee's shows of affection.
“Surprise!” Serena and Clemont exclaimed in tandem, both pulling party poppers that covered their screens with confetti.
“I get that… Eevee, that tickles… but how on earth…?”
“Slyveon and Diggersby paired up,” Clemont explained, pushing his glasses up so that the glare of the computer screen hid his eyes behind a lens flare. “Had a litter of eggs that they didn't want to keep. Once all the Eevee hatched we started finding homes for them…”
“You took one, Clem.” Serena interrupted giggling, which made Clemont’s ego deflate slightly. “He's a Jolteon now right?”
“That little Mankey couldn't wait to get his hands on a Thunder Stone,” Clemont groaned. “He's been destroying inventions left right and centre with an electrified Headbutt, please help.”
“You have a ground type, suffer,” Serena responded, sticking her tongue out. “However there was one egg that had not hatched yet, and out popped this little rascal. We knew it was your birthday coming up and knew you've always secretly wanted an Eevee so asked Slyveon and Diggersby if this little guy could go to you. Of course, you're the only person worthy enough for their best offspring so they both instantly agreed.”
“You guys…” Ash didn't even care that he was full-on crying right now. He loved Serena and Clemont so much, they were the best girlfriend and boyfriend ever.
“Don't worry, he's already had the basic post hatch training from me,” Clemont continued, a beaming smile sketched onto his face. “Bonnie was actually in on it too, before she left for her journey she wanted to teach Eevee the most Ash-like move she knows.”
“She didn't!”
“Yep!” Serena grinned. “Eevee knows Thunderbolt! Of course whatever he evolves into or even if he evolves is up to him. I've seen what you've done with first stage Pokémon, that Piplup of yours is gonna be a menace.”
“Like she isn't already,” Dawn butted in with her eyes mid roll. She had leant into the call on his left side, mostly just to give Pikachu chin scratches for his role in the surprise. “Ash had her training by headbutting trees to help her prepare for Iron Head in the future. I can't tell you how many times Torterra had to fix them with an Ingrain and Synthesis duo.”
“Don't get me started on your Piplup, Dawn,” Ash snarked back, holding his new Eevee tightly as the fox Pokémon continued to nuzzle into his neck. “He's a menace to society.”
“And proud of it!” Dawn posed, hands on her hips with her chest puffed outwards. it was the exact same pose he had seen Piplup make during their original Sinnoh journey.
“Speaking of, thank you two for helping us out,” Clemont said sincerely. “We couldn't have pulled this off without you.”
“We're happy to help,” Brock replied, having taken his place to the right side, fussing Eevee by scratching his head. “It's not everyday our Ash turns eighteen.”
“Legally an adult in most regions… except the URA.” Dawn added, causing all five of them to groan.
“Eighteen to legally drive, etc but twenty one to drink?!” Serena sulked into her arms, her bob-cut hairstyle making a mini mushroom shape as she did so. “Wait till those Puritans find out we've been legally drinking with family since we were kids.”
“A glass of wine with dinner is not going to be an all night slosh fest,” Clemont frowned at her. “Back me up on this Ash.”
“Why me?” He asked, giving Pikachu and Eevee chin scratches with the biggest smile on his face.
“You were raised Paldeól, don't they have wine with dinner?”
“Yeah but not for kids.” He laughed. “Although I do remember Abuela giving me a tiny cup during the Navidad celebrations the year before I started my journey. My Tía and Tío got so drunk that night. Mama was not impressed.”
“Aren't you in Unova right now, Serena?” Brock inquired, seemingly trying to divert the conversation from childhood drinking.
“Yeah, they're trying to set up a Contest circuit here,” Serena sat upright, happy to be talking about anything but the URA. “Palmero agreed for me to represent Kalos instead of Aria for some reason. Champion Iris is being a huge help but there's a loud minority that is being very vocal about not letting “pansies prance around on stage” in their region.”
“Lemme guess, the same type of idiots who ogle at the female performers in the Pokémon Musical and call it art?” Dawn asked with a smirk.
“You got it!” Serena snapped her fingers. “Anyway, enough complaining about the URA. Joyeux anniversaire, mon chéri! Sorry we could not be there in person but we'll throw a huge party when we next get to meet up in person.”
“Happy birthday,” Clemont was smiling too, a light blush dusting his cheeks and nose. “I'm so glad you liked your present, treat him well, okay?”
“Do you expect so little of me?” Ash snarked back jokingly, only to burst out laughing as Eevee decided to perch atop his head. “Of course I will, I love him so much already. You two are the best! And I'll deal with you two later…” he sent glares towards Dawn and Brock who simply burst into snorting smirks. “... and you, mister. I thought you were my best bud.” Pikachu had the decency to at least pretend to look somewhat guilty at his deception. “I'm kidding, Pikachu, thank you so much buddy.” Pikachu cheered and leapt from his perch into Ash's arms, enjoying a full bodied hug full of love and warmth. The other humans cooed at such a heartfelt image.
“Well I'm sorry I have to cut this short, but I really need to get going. The taxi will be here to pick me up in ten minutes,” Serena leant forward in her chair. “But lots of hugs and kisses, enjoy your dinner and we'll talk soon. Love you!!” With that she ended the call followed by many goodbyes from the other participants.
“I'd better get going too,” Clemont sighed, obviously hoping to have stuck around longer. “My afternoon challenges start in an hour and I haven't eaten yet.”
“Yes, go and eat! And eat properly!” Ash gently scolded his boyfriend, doing the best impression of his mother that he could. “I will call Mama to take a plane to Lumiose to make sure you are fed if you don't.”
“I know, I know!” Clemont groaned. “You're just as bad as Sere sometimes. You're worse than Papa too! I'm going to eat, Clembot has probably got something nice on the stove. Happy Birthday Ash and love you!” He too left the call, ending it and leaving a blank screen behind.
“Happy Birthday you dumbass!” Dawn grinned as Brock took his tablet back. “You have no idea how hard it was hiding this little rascal from you since the last Pokémon Center stop. He's been dying to meet you.”
“Like trainer, like Pokémon.” Brock joked, watching as Eevee jumped down from Ash's hatless head and started chasing his tail around in a circle. “Full of energy…”
“... and absolutely insane!” Dawn finished, dodging a harmless swipe from her friend. Brock found himself rolling his eyes at his friends’ shenanigans. Sometimes Ash and Dawn's bickering was worse than Ash and Misty's. “But damn, it's shiny too. That's some luck right there.”
“There's always a chance,” Brock shrugged, pulling up long unused knowledge as a Pokémon Breeder. “Even if the Pokémon are from the same region. Serena's Slyveon and Clemont's Diggersby got lucky for a first litter.”
“Boyfriend privileges, lucky for some.” Dawn groaned, taking her place at the table. “And with two hot Kalosians.”
“Dawn, you have a girlfriend,” Ash stated, having picked Eevee up into his arms and already started to play lift the normal type. “And didn't Zoey give you a Shellos egg for your sixteenth?”
“So, my Gastrodon is helping my mother out right now. Though Zoey and I make an amazing dual Gastrodon appeal in Tag Contests.” She blinked for a second before glaring at Ash accusingly. “Stop changing the subject, you slut!”
“Dawn I can assure you my relationship with Serena and Clemont is mutual and we haven't gotten past kisses,” he gave her a smug grin. “But yes Dawn, thank you for calling me a slut. On my birthday no less.”
“Don't tell me you haven't noticed the looks you've gotten in that outfit,” Dawn smirked right back. “But then again you only have eyes for two tall, blonde Kalosians so that makes sense.”
“Clothes are clothes,” Ash huffed, Eevee copying his annoyed expression. “They're comfy and easy to wear whilst travelling.”
“Uh huh…” Dawn muttered, seemingly unconvinced.
“Enough of all this,” Brock scolded, putting down two streaming bowls of his finest ramen. “We are celebrating tonight so there will be no more bickering. Now eat.” The two trainers looked at each other before bursting into laughter and digging into their meal. The laughter didn't stop until the late hours of the night, with the stars shining brighter than ever as they finally fell asleep.
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Happy random day in May to everyone but Professor Gary Motherfucking Oak because that man is a Bitchass Motherfucker!!
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