Chapter Text
“Just admit it that you can’t do it Jjongsaeng.” Jay rolls his eyes at the taunt, trudging at the front of the group between Sunghoon and Jungwon. “I can do it,” he argues. “I just don’t want to.” He smacks his lips with annoyance and looks off to the side.
Sunghoon smirks. “Seems like you can’t,” he singsongs, eyes sparkling with mirth. He had been trying to convince Jay to race him to the top of the mountain where the overlook is as soon as they started walking the trail.
“C’mon,” Sunghoon insists again but with a low whine, nudging Jay’s shoulder playfully to get his attention. Jay turns to look at him, eyebrows raised with question. He doesn’t understand why Sunghoon is being so adamant about this.
They had all slept late last night, playing games to win snacks and had been woken up early to hike when no one even liked to hike. Except Jungwon, but he preferred to walk on flat land rather than the undulating trail they are on.
But Jay can already visualize the pouting and whining after they finish filming, upset that he never does anything for him. So with a short sigh, his lips for a small smirk as he playfully pushes Sunghoon with his shoulder and runs ahead, disappearing around a dense thicket.
Sunghoon’s mouth drops at the blatant cheating, scoffing with annoyance and quickly follows, shouting, “That’s not fair!”
“Wait the camera!” Jungwon shouts after them, but it’s of no use. They have already gone too ahead to hear him clearly. He turns the camera in his hand to show the empty path ahead and then back at his face, shaking his head at their ridiculous antics, providing footage for the editors to explain why Jay and Sunghoon were missing for the majority of the hike.
Sunghoon quickly catches up to Jay, who had slowed down, too tired to run all the way up the hill and not in the mood to trip over the rocks or branches. Jay’s amused by how red Sunghoon’s face has gotten, grinning.
“I don’t know why you wanted to do this,” Jay huffs, stepping over a fallen tree trunk. “There’s nothing wrong with a little competition,” Sunghoon explains, breathing heavy. Jay chortles, muttering under his breath, “Competition.”
It isn’t even a competition at this point as it seems like both Jay and Sunghoon had given up, choosing to stroll side by side rather than run. It’s much quieter now that they are way ahead of the group, able to hear the sounds of nature surrounding them.
Jay hums under his his breath, the side of his body occasionally knocking against Sunghoon’s as they climb higher and higher. Before Jay knows it, he sees a wide opening at the end of the trail.
And suddenly Sunghoon whizzes past him, running ahead with a boisterous laugh, leaving Jay behind. “Ya!” Jay screams, following quickly. “Aish,” he hisses. He had thought the race was over and rolls his eyes at the obnoxious giggles he can hear from Sunghoon who has reached the edge of the clearing.
Sunghoon looks over his shoulder, eyes sparkling, “I won!”
“Now who's cheating?” Jay complains, walking up to stand behind Sunghoon. He finally takes his attention off of Sunghoon to look at the view and it is magnificent. You can see lust greenery and the mountains in the distance.
But suddenly the ground beneath Jay’s feet tilts, head spinning as his heart begins to race. The edge of his vision gets hazy as he takes a step back, stumbling like something had hit him in the stomach. In all the craze of reaching the top, Jay had completely forgotten about his dislike of heights.
And now he is more than 100 feet above the ground and one misstep can lead to the plummet of his death.
Jay’s breath hitches as his head begins to swirl with a fury of thoughts. He can’t breath and his lungs are burning from the lack of air. Jay clenches the front of his shirt, trying to command his body to open his airway and breath, but he can’t. His mouth is dropped open, small gasps forming with every inhale.
Through the panic, he must have made a noise to alert Sunghoon, who spins around quickly with his eyebrows knitted with worry. “Jay-ah?” His voice shakes when he takes note of the distress Jay's face. Skin pale. Hand twisting the shirt in his grasp, wrinkling it. Eyes wide and unfocused. And chest heaving.
“W-what?” Sunghoon takes a step forward, shocked at the turn of events. But Jay recoils away from the sudden movement, beginning to choke. “Jay-ah?” Sunghoon’s voice becomes high-pitched. He doesn’t know what is happening and there is no one to help either. They are all alone in the clearing and he has no idea how far the members or managers are.
“Jongseong?” He asks again, reaching out to place his hand on Jay’s shoulder. Jay immediately latches onto the arm like an anchor, nails digging into the jacket as his wide, crazed eyes meet Sunghoon’s.
“I-I-,” Jay attempts to speak. He shakes his head with frustration, unable to explain and stop Sunghoon from worrying. But the words can’t form. His mind his running with thoughts but he can’t decipher them. All he knows is that he can’t breath and everything is becoming fuzzy.
A whimper forms as he silently pleads for help. Sunghoon’s eyes sweep over Jay’s appearance, trying to figure out the cause of Jay’s state. But everything looks normal, physically. His eyebrows scrunch with worry, pulling Jay closer to him for comfort.
And Jay follows easily, head landing onto Sunghoon’s chest and hands grasping onto his biceps, pinching his jacket between his fingers. Sunghoon flinches at the sudden contact but quickly takes action when he feels Jay’s body shuddering against him and hear the short gasps.
He brings his hands to Jay’s back and rubs large circles, whispering at the top of Jay’s head, breath ruffling his hair.
“Shh. It’s okay. Shh Jay-ah.” But Jay continues to gasp and hiccup, trying to stop the panic from paralyzing his body and breath. His fingers are so pale from how tight he is holding onto Sunghoon. “Jay. Breath. Breath.”
Sunghoon stills his hands at Jay’s lower back and tries to guide him. “Just follow my breathing okay. Just follow me.” Sunghoon begins to emphasize his breathing, allowing Jay to feel the motion against his head. And it helps.
He inhales every time he feels Sunghoon’s chest move up and exhales when it moves down. The heavy, warm weight on his back grounds him. And the soft words holds his attention, allowing him to focus on Sunghoon and not his fear.
Jay bites his lower lip tightly as he follows Sunghoon’s breathing. It takes a few moments, but soon the loud gasps become short hiccups and then soft hitches. His lungs ache but they don't burn and his head is no longer dizzy.
Jay’s body is overcome with a wave of exhaustion, the almost panic attack tiring him out. Sunghoon continues to caress Jay’s back, whispering soft words. Jay takes one final, deep breath before he reluctantly unclenches his hands and steps away from Sunghoon’s comforting embrace.
Sunghoon’s hands drag down Jay’s body before falling away as Jay steps back. Sunghoon watches with wide eyes, alert, needing to make sure that Jay is okay. He frowns at how pale Jay looks, lips bitten raw.
Now that Jay isn’t frozen with fear, embarrassment settles in. He can’t believe Sunghoon had to see him like that. His lips pull up into a grimace as he finally makes eye contact with Sunghoon.
“Sorry about all that,” he apologizes, waving his hand around, the awkward tension stifling. “No no,” Sunghoon shakes his head, taking a step forward to comfort Jay and tell him that it's okay. But he stops when Jay steps away from him.
Hurt flashes across his eyes but he doesn’t make any further movement. “Are you okay?” He asks quietly, voice heavy with concern. Jay nibbles at his lips nervously, pulling a string of flesh and reopening the wound in the middle. He nods jerkily.
“Y-yeah,” Jay’s voice shakes. “I actually have a fear of heights and that…,” his eyes flick to the scenery behind Sunghoon and a full body shudder takes over. Sunghoon swiftly moves his body to the side, blocking the view as he hums in understanding.
“Mm hmm. Okay. That’s okay Jay-ah,” Sunghoon says softly. “I just-“ Jay sighs with frustration, running his hand through his hair. “I’m usually so good at not putting myself into these situations and I don’t know what happened.”
Jay always takes extra measures to never encounter his fear. Opting out of amusement rides when filming. Trading seats with a member so he doesn’t get the window seat in an airplane. Staying away from balconies or windows in high buildings.
Jay licks his lips and mumbles, “Thank you.” If it weren’t for Sunghoon’s quick thinking, he would have probably gone into a full panic attack with tears and snot. He wouldn’t know how he would explain that to the rest of the group when they joined them.
Sunghoon smiles fondly at the embarrassed flush on Jay’s cheeks, accepting Jay's words. He frowns when he glances down and notices that Jay is pinching the skin at the back of his hand and twisting his fingers. He’s anxious.
“Hey hey,” Sunghoon says softly, grabbing onto Jay’s hands and stopping the frantic movements. “You’re okay,” he soothes. Jay’s body relaxes at the contact and he looks at Sunghoon, eyes wide and glistening. “Is it?” He asks in a small voice.
Sunghoon’s taken back at how young Jay looks right now, seeking for comfort like a child would from a parent in a scary situation. Sunghoon smiles and nods, reassuring him. Before he can say anything more, they hear the voices of the members and let go, scrambling away from each other and trying to act nonchalant.
The words I’ve got you are left unsaid.
Soon the clearing is filled with expressions of awe as the members film the scenery and take a bunch of photos. Jay makes sure to stay behind, nails digging into his palm as he tries to stop the panic from building again and taking a hold of him.
Sunghoon glances at him multiple times, making sure he is okay. When no one is looking, Sunghoon steps beside him and discreetly squeezes his hand before letting go to stand directly in front of him, successfully blocking the view.
Jay’s eyes widen with surprise as his vision is filled with the colour of Sunghoon’s jacket and the back of his dark hair. He unconsciously relaxes, the fear subsiding. For the rest of the time, he doesn’t look away from Sunghoon, a grateful smile painting his lips.
And as they walk back down the trail, Sunghoon makes sure to be right by Jay, shoulders bumping and hands brushing against each others lightly.