Chapter Text
Husk looked up at the portal that opened in the lobby from the bar, where he was wiping down the counter. Out of it popped Charlie and Vaggie— as he expected —but the figure that followed them was definitely not Lucifer. It was a woman; as tall as Charlie, in a long dress, with gray skin that glowed, six fucking wings, and a literal halo.
“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Husk grumbled as he spun around to consider the bottles stood up on display behind him before the women’s heels even had time to make contact with the floor.
“Husk, we’re back!” Charlie chirped, arm waving so enthusiastically that he could actually hear it from across the lobby without having to turn around.
“I noticed; give me a sec to pour myself a drink before ya tell me what the fuck you have done now.” Should have known better. Should have started mixing a drink as soon as I heard the King say the words ‘meeting’, ‘Heaven’, and ‘Charlie’.
“Might I have one asss well, while you’re at it?”
“Yeah sure, Pen, why not,” Husk sighed as he reached for the snake’s usual. His paw— and the rest of him —paused just before he grabbed it.
...Hold up-
Snapping his head around so fast his hat nearly flew off, Husk stared wide eyed at the bashfully waving and very angelic looking snake.
“What the fuck?! Pentious?!”
“Yess, hello! Tiss I, old chum! The Great Ssir Pentiouss!” Pentious whipped his hat off in a flamboyant bow, but the cat only had eyes for the halo still floating above his head.
“That’s a halo. You- You have a halo. How- Are you fuckin’ blue?!”
“Yess! Well- honesstly I sstill have ssome mixed feelingss about that lassst part,” the snake muttered, frowning at the back of his hands. “I think I look more dassshing in black.”
“Husk!” Charlie squealed as she all but bounced into Husk’s face, startling him, “-Pentious went to Heaven after Adam killed him! He got redeemed! Isn’t that ah~mazing?!”
“...For real?” Husk muttered gobsmacked, as if the proof wasn’t right in front of his eyes. A grin slowly grew across his face and he couldn’t hold back a laugh.
“Holy shit, man, congrats!”
“Thanksss,” Pentious blushed with a smile. “Now, about that drink?”
“Huh- Oh, oh yeah! Comin’ right up!” the bartender spun around, working his trade, before a thought occurred to him that made him slow down his mixing a little.
“Hang on; should you be drinking? What with, this whole thing?” he asked, gesturing to the snake’s new...everything with a wing since both of his paws were full.
Pentious shrugged. “What’ss the worsst that can happen? I come back to Hell full time? Ha! Besidess, they drink up in Heaven.”
“Really?”
“Yess. You don’t get hangoverss either, which iss nice, but their alcohol jusst doessn’t have the ssame punch as Hellmade,” he pouted.
“You don’t get hangovers?!” Husk spluttered, setting Pentious’s drink on the counter before throwing his head back in a full bellied laugh. “For fuck’s sake, Pen, I don’t know whether you’ve got guts to come back down here with us ‘lowly Sinners’ or if you’re just dumb! No hangovers- Shit, I might actually have to give this whole thing a shot if that is part of the reward.”
“Not quite the reasoning I was looking for, but I’ll take it~!” Charlie grinned, before flapping her hands, going “Oh oh oh!” and dragging the new angel woman behind her closer to the bar. He saw Vaggie roll her eyes fondly at her girlfriend’s antics before taking the spot on Pentious’s other side.
“Husk, I’d like you to meet Emily! She’s the Seraphim I told you guys about? From the meeting? She’s the one who brought Pentious back here!”
“Hi there!” ‘Emily’ grinned, waving at him from the other side of the bar. “It is so nice to actually meet you!”
“Hey there,” Husk nodded amicably, “Since you brought Pen back does that mean we’re not in deep shit with Heaven again?”
“Yes- I mean, no, no there is not...trouble! No trouble at all. Actually I came down here to tell Charlie and King Lucifer that the Exterminations are being stopped indefinitely, since Sir Pentious has proven that Sinners can, in fact, be redeemed!”
“Holy shit, for real?!”
““Yes~!”” she and Charlie both screamed at the same time, eyes wide and smiles beaming so brightly he almost had to squint. As they began gushing about how amazing it was and how good it would be for Hell and yadda yadda yadda, Husk found himself distracted by just how similar the two were; if not in looks, then in mannerisms.
When they simultaneously started bouncing up and down and squealing over something— he’d honestly stopped listening a good minute or two ago —a cold sense of dread began to slowly crawl up his spine. As Charlie dragged Emily away to give her a tour of the rest of the lobby— as if she couldn’t plainly see all of it from where they stood at the bar —he finally understood what his instincts were trying to tell him.
“Oh no...” he whispered, eyes wide and ears pinning themselves back.
“Oh yess,” Pentious nodded, taking a happy sip of his drink. Next to him Vaggie sighed, propping her head up with one hand on the bar and a resigned smile on her face.
“There’s two of them,” she grumbled halfheartedly.
“Lucky you,” Husk groused.
“Luck nothing!” Vaggie gasped, sitting up straight, “I had enough of a work out just keeping up with Charlie. I’m outnumbered now!”
“So what I’m hearing is: you would like a drink.”
“...Yes, please.”
Pentious chuckled quietly into his glass.
“Double?”
“Nooo, I need to be at least closer to sober than not,” she sighed, plunking her head directly onto the bartop.
“We apprecciate your valiant effortss,” Pentious nodded seriously even while he smiled, patting the angel’s head.
“And we appreciated yours, Pen,” Vaggie mumbled, pointing one arm behind her. Pentious followed the arm.
“What are you- ISS THAT A PORTRAIT OF ME?!”
Emily gleefully followed Charlie as the princess happily showed her every single square inch of the hotel’s lobby. So far she especially enjoyed seeing the painting done of Sir Pentious in his military garb, both her and the snake gushing over it; doubly so once Charlie revealed that Vaggie herself had painted it. The pair of them had immediately set to singing the shorter woman’s praises, making her blush and mumble that it was no big deal and she’d felt it was what Pentious had deserved for his sacrifice.
Emily did feel a little bad for drawing Vaggie into a less than appreciated hug— the former Exorcist quickly but gently extracting herself —but in her defense this was her first time being out of Heaven and to say she was excited about everything was an understatement.
Yes, she had technically already been in Hell just by being in Heaven’s Embassy; but Sera had portaled her there directly and had flat out refused to let Emily so much as poke her head outside! So Charlie’s hotel tour was the closest she’d ever gotten to experiencing Hell and she was not about to waste it. Heaven had so many wrongs to fix and what better way to start than by actually learning about the place they had wronged?
Even just being inside a non-Heaven owned building Emily could tell that Hell was different from Heaven; even if she had already known that. The colors were darker and bolder, and shadows seemed to cling to every corner as if they had a physical weight to them. But once Emily’s eyes adjusted to the relative darkness she found it somewhat easier on her eyes compared to the constant light of up above. There were shades of gold everywhere, like in Heaven, but these golds were warmed by deep reds, purples, and grays. The walls were decorated with she thought were Art Deco inspired walls sconces and wallpapered with motifs that, once Emily got a closer look, depicted artistically rendered wings, snakes, apples, and eyes.
Point of fact, there seemed to be eyes everywhere that the Seraphim looked; slipped subtly into designs, or flat out prominently on display. It honestly reminded Emily a little bit of Heaven, only multiplied by a hundred. Did Lucifer add them to remind him of where he’d come from? The home he’d left behind?
No. Not left- Emily chided herself -was thrown out of. All for making one mistake.
...A mistake that introduced sin to the world and thus lead to the creation of the Exterminations in the first place; but a mistake nonetheless.
“-And this is the wall that kept getting blown up in the old hotel!” Charlie chirped and gestured to a wall just to the right of the front doors, bringing Emily back into the room by the odd statement.
“Wait- Blown up?”
“Yeeaaahhh,” Charlie shrugged with a sheepish grin. “Never did figure out exactly why everyone would attack this specific wall, buuuut so far this one has managed to remain in one-”
Her words were cut off as the wall exploded, showering them in dust and small bits of debris.
“Charlie!” Vaggie yelled, darting over to both of their sides immediately, Husk and Pentious only a step behind.
“I’m- koff -okay. Emily, are you?!”
“Koff- Yes, I’m-I’m alright,” Emily coughed, dusting herself off.
“Damn it, Cherri!” a male voice yelled outside.
“Oh, fuck off, Ange!” a woman’s voice shot back, “You lobbed that fucker clear over my head!”
“ANGEL! CHERRI!” Vaggie screamed, sticking half of her body out of the gaping hole that now existed where the wall used to be. “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE YOU TWO DOING?!”
“Uh, playing bombminton,” said a surprisingly familiar looking, tall, white and pink furred spider-esque gentleman as he came into Emily’s view.
“Duh,” snarked a female cyclops with long bushy hair that popped up beside him.
“And the reason you’re doing it right in front of the hotel is because?!”
“Yeah guys,” Charlie jumped in, “We literally have a lawn the size of a football field! Couldn’t you play just, a little farther away?”
“Eh, but then we’d be farther from the bar,” the man shrugged and Emily gasped as she finally recognized him.
“Oh my gosh!” she squeed as she flew through the hole, hands up by her face as she landed with a bounce in front of the man. “You’re Mr. Dust!”
“Pft- ‘Mr. Dust’,” the cyclops snorted.
“I am so pleased to get to meet you!” Emily carried on, sticking a hand out that one of the spider’s lower hands automatically reached out to shake. “I’m Emily; I got to bear witness to how much progress you’ve made towards redemption at the meeting with Charlie in Heaven!”
“Oh, you’re that angel chick!” he grinned, shaking her hand with a little more vigor now. “Yeah, Charlie mentions you every time she brings up the meeting; along with an apology for spying on our night out and also how proud of me she is.”
“I am proud of you, Angel!” Charlie gushed, popping up right next to Emily. “And I just know you’re going to be the next soul that gets sent to Heaven!”
“Thanks, Char. ...Wait, what do you mean ‘next’-”
“Heh, hello, Misss Cherri,” Sir Pentious called shyly from the hole, his fingers wiggling towards the cyclops when Emily turned around to look.
“Holy fuck!” Mr. Dust breathed, “Is that-”
“...Oh you motherfucking WANKER!” the cyclops screeched— Cherri, Emily finally remembered; the Sinner Sir Pentious had told her he had a crush on —dropping her racket and literally launching herself towards the hole.
“Oh sshit-” Pentious hissed as he ducked back inside. Emily and the rest of the assembled group watched as the pair ran rambunctiously around the lobby, knocking several pieces of furniture over in the process.
“Misss Cherri if thiss iss about the kisss I do apologize for touching you without your conssent! But in my defensse I THOUGHT I WASS GOING TO DIE!”
“Oh you’re gonna die when I get my fuckin’ hands on you, you DOUBLE DICKED BASTARD!”
“Wha- WHO TOLD YOU?!”
“Should-Should we stop her? Them?” Emily asked, eyeing the pair nervously. A glance at Charlie turned into a double-take as she realized the Hellborn had literal hearts floating around her head.
“Nah, it’s fine~” Charlie grinned, waving off her concern.
“Yeah,” Mr. Dust chimed in with a shrug from her other side, “This is jus’ how Cherri processes shit.”
Emily winced as a lamp smashed into the ground after the pair had barreled past it.
“It is gettin’ old though,” the winged-catman— Mr. Husk? she thought —grumbled before cupping one paw around his mouth. “Pen, the longer you run the worse she’s gonna hit ya! Just stop and get it over with already!”
Sir Pentious threw them all a pained look, but still slid to a stop in the center of lobby, spinning around to face the enraged cyclops with a gulp Emily could hear from clear across the room.
“Mi-Misss Cherri, I-Boof!” he exclaimed with a painful sounding gasp as Miss Cherri finally caught up with him and drove a punch into his stomach, hard.
Emily shrieked and tried to fly to him— to stop this —but an arm materialized right in front of her, halting her in her tracks.
“Wait,” Vaggie ordered, not taking her own eye off the scene.
“But-”
“Just wait.”
Emily whined, gnawing at her lip— Cherri was hurting Pentious! —but did her best to obey. Vaggie had been down here longer than her; surely that had to mean something?
“-That was for fucking kissing me and then having the fucking gall to DIE AFTERWARDS!”Miss Cherri yelled, teeth bared in a snarl.
“Koff-I-I’m sssorr-yipe!”
Cherri grabbed him by his lapels with both hands, dragging Pentious up from where he’d been bowed over by her punch. Before the snake could utter so much as another syllable, the cyclops smashed their mouths together, causing Pentious’s body to straighten out like he had an electric current going through him.
“Whoa...” Emily quietly exclaimed; her wings no longer posed to take her into the fray, but now with half a mind to cover her eyes.
Especially once one of them started to moan into the kiss.
“Annnd there it is,” Vaggie deadpanned, dropping her arm once more.
“Ha ha- Get it, Cher!” Mr. Dust cheered, chuckling when the cyclops deigned to shoot a thumbs up his way without bothering to stop kissing.
Cherri kept the kiss going for several long moments before finally taking pity on the Sinner-Turned-Winner and released him with a loud pop. Sir Pentious made what Emily decided was a “happy” sound— to go with the absolutely dopey look on his face —before he all but melted into the carpet like the kiss had relieved him of all of his bones. Only the cyclops’ remaining grip on his jacket kept him from fulling falling to the ground.
“And that-” Miss Cherri grinned, letting go and watching as the snake fully splayed out on the carpet, “-is for coming back from the dead.”
As Sir Pentious gurgled something, Miss Cherri stepped past him; bending down far enough to nab the end of his tail and hoist it over her shoulder. Without another word she began to drag his entire body towards the staircase leading further into the hotel.
“Where ya goin’, Cher~” Mr. Dust asked in a sing-songy voice that sounded an awful lot like he already knew.
“To find the nearest bed so Pen and I can ‘do a sex’!” Miss Cherri called back without turning around. Pentious perked up as they started climbing the stairs.
“Huh- We are?! Yay~!” He exclaimed, raising both arms in pure excitement even as his body bounced against every step.
Emily’s jaw dropped— Did-Did she just say- —before a loud squeal beside her jerked her out of her thoughts.
“This is the best day ever~!” Charlie sang as she began bouncing up and down. “First, the Extermination get canceled indefinitely, then we found out that Pentious got redeemed, and then Cherrisnake got together~!”
“Cherri-whatnow?” Mr. Husk grumbled.
“Cherrisnake,” Vaggie drawled, “It’s the ‘ship name’ she came up with for Cherri Bomb and Sir Pentious. Back before the battle and all. She’s very fond of it.”
“Ten bucks says I can convince Cherri to tattoo that on herself!” Mr. Dust declared as he and Mr. Husk began moseying back to the bar.
“Sucker’s bet; I already know damn well Cherri gets new tattoos every time she accidentally blows off a limb. She’s shown me pictures. Multiple times.”
“Damn it.”
“So...” Vaggie drawled, smirking up at Charlie as they began to follow the other pair, “Best day ever, huh?”
“Well- I mean, second best, after meeting you and all,” Charlie chuckled. “ Actually, no, it’s third! Second was the day you proposed! Ooh wait! Then there was the day you first asked me out! And when you asked to be my girlfriend! And then there was the time you-”
“Sweetie, I was just kidding!” Vaggie chuckled, smiling so warmly at Charlie’s antics that Emily couldn’t help but smile along with her.
With a flap of her wings, Emily reentered the hotel proper, bouncing over to join the others as they called to her. Hell was...definitely something if the past few minutes were any indication; but she would be lying if she said she wasn’t at least a little excited in learning more.
Though, she could do with a little less punching. Or explosions. Hopefully neither of those happened too often.
...in Hell.
...
This may be harder than I thought.