Chapter Text
Ever since the cruise rescue went viral and was played on the national news I've been getting texts from my parents. I thought we were supposed to be working on our relationship, instead they've just been harping on me and threatening to take Christopher. There are threats of outright kidnapping and more legal ways.
You're to busy playing hero to properly take care of Christopher
Move back here to Texas so we can see our grandson
You better stop hanging out with this Buck fellow
How are you ever going to meet a nice Latina women to marry if you're always with that man?
Christopher needs a mother. You need to stop being so selfish
We will come get Christopher if he keeps talking about you spending so much time with that man
You will move back here at the end of the school year or else we will be coming to bring Christopher back home with us
Stop ignoring us. We are your parents. We know what is best for Christopher.
We will get a lawyer involved if necessary. You know we're right. Christopher belongs with us.
So, I never responded. I searched and searched for new places to live. If they don't know where Chris and I are staying they can't come take my son away from me.
They also mentioned Buck and how much time Christopher and I spend with him. Maybe I do need some new friends. Tommy seemed pretty cool helping us with the rescue. Maybe I could hang out with him tomorrow? So, I gave him a call.
"Hello?" Tommy asked when he answered.
"Hey Tommy. It's Eddie...Diaz, from the 118?" I answered.
"I know who you are Eddie. What's up? Need me to break the rules again?" He joked.
"Nah, nothing like that man. I was actually wondering if maybe you'd like to hang out tomorrow, with me?" Why was I so bad at this. It almost sounds like I'm asking him on a date, which is ridiculous really.
"Shouldn't you be with your boyfriend?" I was floored at that question.
"I don't have a boyfriend. I actually just recently broke up with my ex-girlfriend because she was a homophobic bitch and I have a lesbian couple as best friends. But I'm straight so when I ask you to hang out I mean it as friends." I blurt out.
"Alright, well as a gay man you aren't very straight. I'm also pretty sure you're in love with Buckley. However, I don't mind helping you figure out your sexuality and spend time with you. Buckley is visiting the hangar tomorrow but you could drop by around 3pm and I could fly you to Vegas for the fight? I have two tickets and no one to go with." That sounded great. Better than having to pay to watch it on TV.
"Yeah, that sounds great actually. I was just going to watch it on TV but being there is so much better. Thank you." I answer.
"No worries. It's always nice to make new friends. Just make sure I don't come between you and Buckley. You guys have an amazing friendship and your teamwork in the field is very well known throughout the whole LAFD. I'll see you tomorrow." Tommy said before he hung up.
I don't want to hurt Buck but I have to protect my son, he comes first, always. My parents don't want me around him, I will avoid him. Just for a little while. Just long enough for me to set some things up to protect us from them. Maybe I should go to Athena? Nah. They're only threatening me that's not enough for a restraining order, is it? Maybe I could ask her some hypotheticals and ask her to keep it to herself for now. Tomorrow, tonight I'm going to bed.
The following weeks:
Showing up while Buck is still standing right there is hard. I just want to go and talk to him, tell him everything that's going on and ask for his help but I don't. I greet Tommy with a bro hug and say hello to Buck and then Tommy and I leave.
The following day at work I avoid Buck by talking on the phone with Tommy. He even called my name to get my attention but I just walked away.
What surprised me the most was the basketball game. Buck would never come with me because he hates the sport. Him showing up threw me for a loop. Partnering with Tommy was fantastic. He's great, at a lot of things. Buck pushing into me and spraining my ankle is not something I ever expected from him. He's acting out like a kid having a tantrum and I don't know why. Maybe it's because you're ignoring and avoiding him and he thinks you're leaving him for someone better, which you are and have been, a voice, that sounds suspiciously like Carla and his Abuela, says in the back of his mind. He needs to ignore it to keep his son safe from his parents.
The following weeks were rough. Christopher kept asking about Buck coming over and each time I told him he wasn't he threw an epic tantrum for a preteen. I realized maybe avoiding Buck wasn't the answer. I finally had to sit Christopher down and talk to him.
"Chris, we need to talk." I started seriously.
"There's nothing to talk about. Buck promised me I would always have him and he left. He broke his promise. I don't need him anyway." Christopher said as he was pouting.
"Buddy, Buck isn't the one that left. I promised you I would always tell you the truth but I also said I would never talk bad about certain people in front of you." Eddie started before Christopher cut him off.
"I don't care if you talk bad about people. I just want the honest truth. Buck hasn't been over in a couple months. I miss him." Christopher's eyes looked tear filled.
"Your abuela and abuelo. They have been texting me since we saved Bobby and Athena from the cruise ship. They want us back in Texas after your school year ends, or just for me to send you to live with them. They even threatened to come take you if they heard about us spending time with Buck. So, I've put some space between us and him while I get some things in place to keep us safe from them." I blurt out honestly to my son.
"That's not a good reason dad. Buck could help. Hurting him and us just to please them is stupid. We've spent time with Tommy why is that different?" Christopher sassed.
"I don't know right now. I'm trying to find a new place to live so they can't just break in here to take you. I was thinking about talking to Athena to see if she has any advice. I think our friendship with Buck is strong enough to withstand a little distance for a couple weeks." I try to reassure him.
"Dad it's been more than a few weeks. It's been two months." I was informed and where in the hell did the time go? I didn't think it's been that long.
"I'll talk to him in a couple days after I get help from Athena, alright?" I question him. He just gives me a look and kicks me out of his room because he has homework.
The day after my talk with Chris was stressful. I had the day off, same as everyone from shift. I got Christopher to school on time and then invited Tommy over. He's helped me realize that I'm not as straight as I thought I was. Kissing another man is intoxicating, I've never felt anything like it. We haven't gone all the way yet but the things we have done have been incredible.
I left my phone in my bedroom because I don't really get texts or calls that are that important on my days off, and Christopher was going to Abuelas after school so it was just going to be the two of us. I was nervous because I couldn't stop thinking about how I was raised.
Growing up catholic you're told that being gay is a sin. You must love the opposite gender. Kids need both fathers and mothers. The one time I kissed a boy as a teenager I got caught and got the beating of a lifetime. I was told to never do it again or I would go to hell. After Christopher was born it was always 'don't drag him down with you' and 'he needs a mother, Edmundo.' I've had enough therapy to know that hearing my parents voices in my head is normal but also wrong. The way I was raised was neglectful at best, and abusive at worst. All the 'be a man Edmundo' and 'real men don't cry, Edmundo' then the 'we don't need therapy, be a man and suck it up, Edmundo'.
Experimenting with Tommy has been an eye opening experience for sure. I mean it's been a few weeks and I haven't been shot down dead. I think maybe my parents were full of crap. Maybe the whole religion thing is a hoax or something to control people and kids? Tommy understands because he was raised religious too, that's why it's nice talking to him about it. He gets where my hesitance comes from.
I'm drawn out of my spiral by a knock at the door. I should probably just give Tommy a key to let himself in. I go answer the door with a smile.
"Hey." I say as I open the door and smile as he walks in.
"Hey yourself." He smirks as he leans down to kiss me. It's an exhilarating feeling being smaller than the person kissing me.
"Are you ready to watch the fight on TV?" I ask as I lead him to the couch.
"Definitely. I'm also ready for other things to." He smirked as he waggled his eyebrows. I just laughed at him as I went to the kitchen to grab us a couple beers.
We sat side by side touching shoulders to hips to knees to ankles. It's almost like how close I sit with Buck. I honestly miss him.
"Hey, so I know Athena is gonna be at the station tomorrow morning for breakfast. I figured I could talk to her then. Maybe after I could talk to Buck about the last few weeks? Let him in a bit more than what I have been?" I hesitantly bring up during the break.
"What exactly do you mean let him in a bit more than you have been?" He questions me. I know this isn't gonna go over well because he told me not to let anything come between us but I needed the space to put things in place to keep my son safe.
"I've been avoiding him for the past few weeks. I know you said not to let anything come between us but he's part of the problem my parents are having. They're threatening to come take Christopher if I don't stop hanging out with Buck. I've been trying to put some things in place to protect him from them. I figured a small distance between us now would be able to be fixed once their threats were done. Once I can get them out of mine and Chris's lives everything will be just fine." I say honestly. I'm sure this will be fine, until I hear a key in the lock and the front door open.
"Hello? Eddie? Chris? Are you guys home? I got some news." I heard Buck yell so I got up and walked to the doorway.
"Buck? What are you doing here?" I ask confused. I can't avoid him if he's letting himself in whenever he wants.
The following conversation is awful. Asking him to knock from now on is the worst thing I've ever said. It took years for him to feel welcome here. I'm blowing years of work in one conversation. I'm angry at myself until he says, "I'm leaving the 118. Whether it's permanent or temporary, I'm not sure, but it's looking more likely permanent," then my anger shifts. I know I need help figuring out better ways to control my anger but words are what comes out.
"You're just walking away, again? You are a piece of work, you know that? You're still that exhausting, selfish guy you used to be. You haven't changed a bit." Once my mind caught up with my words I cringed internally. I don't think I'm going to be able to come back from this. I don't think he'll forgive me for this, and truthfully I don't think I deserve it.
I'm caught up in my guilt again when he drops the baby bomb. "What do you mean when your kid is born?" I focus back on the conversation finally. The fact that he's considering moving out of LA and California in general is a slap in the face. He always said he's finally found his family here. I mean Maddie is here with his niece and soon-to-be brother-in-law, Bobby, Athena, Hen, Karen and all the kids. But especially me and Christopher.
Seeing his eyes shining like he wants to cry but not in front of me is another slap in the face. He's always showing his emotions to me and Chris trying to teach us that it's alright to have big emotions, they're nothing to be ashamed of. As he walks away out the door I try to get him to stop. Calling his name doesn't work. Maybe I should call him? But I was the one that wanted the space in the first place. Maybe letting him go is for the best?
I shut the door and lay my head against it when I hear a throat clearing. I turn to see Tommy standing there with a somber look in his face. I know exactly what's going to happen. He's going to end this friends with benefits thing we have going on because of everything that just went down with Buck. I mean I promised nothing would come between us and stuff did. The way I just spoke to Buck was unacceptable and awful and the worst thing I could have ever said to him. I'm pretty sure I'm in love with him and that's not how you speak to or treat the one you're in love with. I've made a mess of everything and I don't know how to fix it.
"Well, that was... something." Tommy says.
"Yeah. Not my finest moment." I say somberly.
"Is that really how you feel about him?"
"No. During the first few months after my graduation from my probationary year he sued Bobby and the department for wrongful termination because Bobby abused his power and wouldn't let him come back to work after being cleared medically to do so, it's a long story, anyway during the proceedings we weren't allowed to communicate with each other. He showed up at the grocery store we were shopping at and I yelled at him and told him he was exhausting and that we all have our own problems but we just suck it up, why can't he. My wife had asked for a divorce and then dies weeks before the firetruck bombing and I didn't handle my emotions well. Buck was my rock. He was my only support. After the bombing he was healing well. Then the physical therapy and the recertification. During his welcome back party he threw a pulmonary embolism but was fine. That's when Bobby told him he couldn't come back and said it was the higher ups holding him back. Then a week later he hadn't left his apartment once, so I dropped Chris off with him to stop him from spiraling and get out of his head. That day they went to the Santa Monica Pier and were caught in the tsunami. He blames himself for it and no amount of reassurance has helped him realize it wasn't his fault. He internalizes everything and blames himself for anything and everything that goes wrong. He's got severe abandonment issues. Not a very good self esteem. But he's beautiful and handsome at the same time. He's dedicated and loyal. He would give you the shirt off his back if you were in need. He's loving and caring. He'd take you under his wing if you asked for help with anything. He's talented and doesn't like to show people all the things he can do. He loves learning at his own pace and googling something and falling into a research binge. He loves spending time with kids and treating them as his equals instead of talking down to them. Hen once called him a golden retriever and I'd say that's accurate but he's also more special than that." I can't stop once I start talking about him. Shit. It sounds like he's the love of my life. I just ruined my chances with the love of my life. How am I ever supposed to move on from him? He's literally everything to me and my son. Maybe once I talk to Athena she and Bobby can help open a line of communication between us again and I can grovel for his forgiveness. I don't know if we'll ever be able to be more than friends after this but as long as he's in my life in some way, maybe that could be enough?
"You finally figure it out yet?" Tommy asked cheekily. I just nod my head. "Good. You're in love with Buckley and he loves you too. That's why what you said made him so upset. He internalizes what you say to him because it means more than something from other people." He says without pulling any punches.
"I'm in love with Buck. Holy shit, I'm in love with Buck." I keep repeating to myself.
"Look, it's been fun helping you figure yourself out but I think you need to fix whatever it is you can with Buck. I don't mind just being friends but I think the benefits need to end. Keep yourself and your son safe from your parents and if you ever need a place to hide away from them give me a call but Buck is more important right now. His whole life seems to be changing and he could use some friends. Especially his best friend." With that Tommy gave Eddie the key, that Buck handed to him, back and left for the day.
A couple hours later Eddie lay in bed and tried to process the day. Buck showed up after having texted him that morning. He finally saw the message after Tommy had left. He yelled harsh words to Buck and then he'd finally realized he was in love with him. That's why he was so angry over the lawsuit. That's why he couldn't look at him in the hospital after the lightning strike. That's why he put him in his will as Christopher's guardian, he was already his second dad. It's also why none of his relationships have lasted, because he kept comparing them to Buck, not Shannon. 'I'm an idiot' he thought as he dozed off for the night.