Chapter Text
"Mizuki! Mizuki!!!"
She didnt want to hear it. All Mizuki wanted to do was run. Ena would never be as fast as her, but Mizuki's legs betrayed her. They got weak when Mizuki thought about losing all the friendships she just made, losing Nightcord, losing Ena... Just as she ran to the end of the hallway she stumbled over and fell, giving Ena the rest of the time she needed to reach her.
Ena grabbed Mizuki by her arm, not harshly but still tightly. They both caught their breaths and Mizuki quickly stood up again, breaking free of her grip and taking a step back. Ena however could only yell.
"Mizuki?! What's wrong, why did you run?!"
"... You heard... my secret."
Ena stands speechless. Her eyes widen a bit but she takes a look around at all the students still roaming the school which now look at them, making the both of them the center of attention. The girl keeps silent before grabbing Mizuki by her hand now and quickly rushin up the stairs while dragging her along.
"Hey! Ena, wait!"
Ena didnt listen. She walked further and further until they arrived at the door to the rooftop. Before Mizuki could complain more, she got gently shoved before Ena onto the rooftop as Ena closed the door behind her again and walked forth to Mizuki.
"Mizuki."
Mizuki amlost trembles at that one word and all she wishes she could do right now is disappear into nothing. But... Ena continues in a more stern tone.
"Im not entirely sure what you and your classmate talked about. I heard someone yell, yes I did but when I hid around the corner I instantly looked and saw it was you. I didnt hear the context of what you were saying."
Mizuki's eyes widen at that when Ena makes a pause. She didnt hear?! So Mizuki made a fuss about nothing?! The blonde sigh heavily and turns her back towards Ena, walking up to the middle of the school rooftop. Ena follows.
"But!", she continues "It was about your secret. And you ran from me as soon as you thought I heard? You… really want me to stay out of this so badly?"
Ena looks down on the floor with a bit of a sad look in her eyes. Mizuki bites her lip and keeps quiet. Just then there rings the tune of the bell in the background. Still, Mizuki shakes her head and puts a hand on Ena's shoulder to get her to look up.
"I get what you mean. Im sorry it seemed that way to you."
She speaks in a soft tone with an even softer look.
"Well... we only ever come here when things get real, huh?"
Mizuki chuckles softly, takes her hand back to herself and looks off to the side, off the rooftop of the school. The sun is already setting, just like back then… They should‘ve been out in their usual café by now but just because of this tiny mistake from Mizuki her whole day might get changed. Ena looks back up as soon as Mizuki talked with her and follows her gaze off the rooftop onto the other roofs and the sun.
"This is different." She then gently holds Mizuki by her shoulders and looks straight at her like this is the most important thing in the world to her. "… Look at me okay?"
The girl raises her eyebrows a bit but looks over at Ena like she requested. She makes a slight unsure chuckle.
"Ahah... Ena... You're making me nervous now."
"Sorry… I-Its just…", Ena then clears her throat "… Your secret… I cant wait anymore. I’m ready. I want to know it all. You dont need to be anxious anymore."
Mizuki bites her lip and shakes her head shortly after. She throws Ena a pained smile, unlike anything she ever gives off with her usual playful persona.
"I cant do it, Ena... Even if you say you're here I cant be sure anymore. And once I do tell, there will be no turning back. I cant."
Ena looks at her and she talks in amlost half a whisper.
"… I know how serious this is… Even if it‘s not good news or something that hurts me, I promise to listen. I promise to help. I will stand by your side no matter what. I know how much this secret hurts you, I‘ve seen that pained look on your face more than once, you always bear it in secret. So whatever it is, I want to know it. And I wont leave you. I want to be someone to you you know you can trust, Mizuki."
Ena tries to give Mizuki a reassuring smile. Despite that, she is worried. She just has to know the secret. The thing that she kept hidden for so long. But despite all that, Mizuki just breaks into a very weak laugh. Not a happy laugh at all.
"Hah... hahah... You wont leave me? You can never be sure of that."
Mizuki's hands tremble as she balls them. Still, she breathes out heavy trying to think about Ena's words but not taking a point in the end.
"You... Why would you be so insistant of all people? It only brought pain to me in the past and I dont want you to be another part of that story of mine..."
"Mizuki. I dont know what happend that you say it only brought you pain in the past but I will reassure you this wont happen again. All I want for you is to stop suffering in silence and I mean it. I would never not support you on anything you want or do!"
Mizuki raises her hands before her chest and shakes free from Ena‘s hands on her shoulders. Her eyes spell out desperation in really trying not to make a certain mistake again.
"You dont get it, Ena! You talk about wanting to help, about me suffering in silence, but I’ve always been so happy, right?! Yet you're so insistant... your words amlost make me rethink it but in the end I cant! I cant say it... especially not to you... You just dont understand! It will change everything, not only between us but the whole group! We've been together for 3 years now and I really feel alive in our group. It's a place to belong and I dont want to lose it... I dont want to lose you..."
The girl's voice trembles as she reaches her hands up now to bury her face in it, amlost like she would cry out any second. Ena sees her about to cry and she sighs. She looks down amlost ashamed of how insistant she is but all she really wants is the best for Mizuki. Ena breathes out shakily and hugs her, pulling her into her warm arms. Her grip is quite tight, to assure her that she‘s not leaving anytime soon.
"I wont leave you. I promise you that. I dont want to see you in pain either, even if that secret really hurts you. Whatever it is it really seems to be a big deal for you. I cannot know how to draw myself a picture of it just yet so I wouldnt know my reaction either… But I would never just leave you, okay?"
"That's basically equal to nothing, Ena... How could I ever tell you when we wouldnt ever be friends anymore..?"
Mizuki sobs a bit but returns the hug, still trembling as she buries her head in Ena's shoulder.
"I dont want to lose you or your friendship… so… I lied to you."
Ena pauses. She lied? When? How? Taking a moment to think about it, Ena still has her softer tone because she couldnt really get mad at Mizuki or anything… She only pretends to get mad at her most of the times when Mizuki acts playful but this is different.
"You lied to me?"
"I did... Back when we were here, when we made the promise I'll tell you my secret someday... I lied. I never intended to tell you, I never intended to tell anyone anymore."
Mizuki breathes out more quickly, nervous at that detail she just gave. The silent sobs of her dont really leave.
"Im sorry, Ena."
Ena’s eyes widen. She stares at her for a few moments, her grip loosens bit by bit and she lets go of her. Her eyes are filled with sadness and disappointment.
"… You lied to me… Why? Is it really so bad that you’d go that far to hide it?"
Mizuki stutters while looking back at Ena, scared of Ena's disappointment. She grabs her own arm tightly.
"You just... I-I... Im so sorry... Back then we only knew each other for half a year... I didnt consider you a friend. I thought this group of ours would be a quick thing. But now... Now I just cant bear to lose you... I cant bear to tell any of you, seeing you turn against me potentially. Back then... You told me you think of us as friends. Back then you just made me too happy with how stupidly insistant you were... So I promised you in that moment of happiness... But after you were gone...", Mizuki takes a deep breath. "After you were gone... I remembered too much from the past mistakes I've made in reaching around that secret... so my conclusion was to never tell you. I ended up lying... with just how dense I am."
Ena lets out a short sigh and she runs a hand through her hair, trying to grasp what just happened. She looks off to the side.
"… Fine. You still think I might think badly of you… After all we‘ve been through…?"
"We've spent so much time together in these 3 years... Still... a-all Im hoping is that you would let me live like that, keep by my side so nothing really changes... All I hope for in in the end is no change.", Mizuki looks a bit more troubled as she takes another deep breath. "Just why would you be most reasonable now of all times..."
Ena closes her eyes and is silent for a bit, seemingly thinking deeply about something.
"… Why are you so worried that things would change? I understand how important it is to keep it a secret, but how do you know it will turn for the worse? What if I tell you now that I will accept you just the way you are, without thinking differently about you…?"
"… And I am the way I am because I love you, and I think I know you enough to say I wont think of you differently."
Mizuki sighs, her look somehow changing of one to adoration, still drawing a tear from her eye though. She tilts her head, looking at Ena like that.
"Ah, Ena... Why... Just why do you give me such great hope? Your words amlost bring me back to the same situation 2.5 years ago... I was so close... You always insisted on making me feel better... You remembered that secret and took it with you for those 2.5 years... And you never even knew anything remotely close to what it might be..."
Mizuki grips the fabric above her chest tightly as if she was gripping her heart directly. Thinking about it all, she just now realized how bad Ena is at waiting, but Ena always remembered to wait for Mizuki, for her secret. They both have been through a lot together… So much that Mizuki could proudly call herself Ena‘s friend. Still… Mizuki‘s feelings are a little all over the place at the moment and somehow this feels different than what happend those few years ago.
"And Im so sorry, Ena... You're a great person..."
Ena takes a look at Mizuki and her eyes switch to a soft look. This girl in front of her has been suffering a great deal. Of course Ena understands her concern and she doesnt want to make it even harder for Mizuki. She just prays that Mizuki trusts her and lets her into her heart since Ena already feels so warm with her around… It‘s an indescribable feeling she couldnt even tell anyone.
"… You’re a great person, too… And I wont treat you any differently… I wont think about you any differently. Im sure it wont go wrong. I will be there for you, no matter what happens, alright? All I need is for you to think back to our stories and choose to trust me or keep it buried. I wont force you, Im sorry for being so insistent."
The other girl‘s lips tremble at this. Is this really the moment now? Will she finally be accepted for just telling someone who she is? Ena might actually be the most trustworthy person in this. Hells, Mizuki cant believe how dense she‘s been to not see the angel who stood before her the entire time. The one who always got mad at her for doing stupid things. The one who was just so insistent to relieve Mizuki of her fears.
"Nothing will change, yeah? You wont look at me differently? You'll always stay by my side?"
She really looks desperate now, amlost like she'll actually tell Ena. Ena herself nods with a gentle smile. A smile which she very, very, very rarely gives from herself, especially in front of Mizuki most of the time.
"I promise to you I will always stand by your side. I wont ever turn against you and it wont change anything between us or how I think of you.", She whispers calmly and confidently. Though shes still a little nervous when she asks the next question. "Do you think you could tell me now…?"
Is this really it? Mizuki couldnt belive it. That gentle, smiling girl in front of her will be her savior. Back then, all she could think about was that Ena would perceive her as "wierd" and "attention seeking". But no! Mizuki proudly belives in her, belives in herself. Ena would never be like those people back then and if… Mizuki might aswell just disappear. Mizuki opens her mouth a bit amlost like wanting to say something but she keeps silent and makes a single nod.
"I... never expected to tell you... I... I know there would be no going back... b-but I have enough faith in you... You'll be different than those people..."
Ena looks out of the corner of her eye to her again. She crosses her arms and takes on a more angry tone.
"Are all those people who you've told the secret to, like those who insulted and criticized you? Because those people are assholes. If anyone would be like „that was a weird secret!“, then I‘ll just ask them, „so what?“ because I dont care. As long as you‘re confident about it and wont stop being who you are, I wont stop supporting and believing in you."
"Hehe... You're so stupid, Ena..."
Mizuki smiles a bit. She actually meant it in a rather affectionate way for no offense.
"Defending me like that... you always get so angry and defensive so quickly."
Ena clears her throat and looks down, crossing her arms tighter.
"I have a reason to get angry at them! You‘ll always be a close person to me and I‘ll make sure it stays that way."
Mizuki chuckles softly and nods. „Yeah, yeah~" She just cant belive how kind of a person Ena really is. Even if she constantly acts mad it‘s only a sign of her expressing herself towards Mizuki. It‘s what Mizuki always takes advantage of when she wants to tease Ena. Ah, how it warms her heart to think about how much Ena really cares behind all that. When they‘re both genuine they always change a bit… but right now that‘s not the theme at hand. As they both stand in silence, Mizuki looks off the rooftop again to say something in between.
"Ahhh, winter. Only half past five and yet it's amlost dark... You really picked me up after school and dragged me to the rooftop no problem..."
Mizuki smiles again before she takes another breath. The air around them both gets colder every passing moment.
"So... This rooftop means a lot to us both. And... This would honestly be it..."
"Yeah… It‘s our special spot."
Ena replies and smiles into the sky, feeling the cold wind run through her hair. She sighs and lets out her breath. This should be the final moment. Ena looks back at Mizuki, keeping her smile to reassure Mizuki everything will be alright
"… So you‘re gonna tell me something right…?"
Mizuki clears her throat and grips onto her chest tightly. She‘s never been this nervous in her entire life.
"W-Well... m-my secret..."
She still trembles a bit... maybe she is overexaggerating a bit but she wouldnt really know.
"I... I..."
Ena sees that she‘s trembling a bit, and is a little bit curious. She wants her to be confident, so she stays silent and waits patiently. She gives her time. Mizuki on the other side exhales sharply, her heart feeling like it‘s beating a million times a second. Her nervousness makes her legs tremble and her hands shiver. This… This has to be done. It‘s either now or never and Mizuki knows it. She takes a deep, deep breath, looking over at Ena with heavy breath.
"I… am transgender… A transwoman to be exact…"
Mizuki holds her breath. She know's theres no going back and she just prays for Ena to just shrug it off at this point. Ena pauses, but only for a few seconds. In an instant, time almost seemed to freeze while that single moment felt like forever… she stares at her, but she‘s not shocked. She processes this for a second, thinking about everything she can connect with Mizuki for those silent moments. In the next moment Mizuki sees how Ena buries her hands in her face, breathing in deeply and then… chuckles? Before Mizuki gets time to react, Ena quickly jumps into Mizuki‘s arms and hugs her tighter than ever before.
"Mizuki, you goddamn idiot! This was what you were so worried about for me to hear?"
Mizuki seems confused. She doesnt know whether to hold her breath or release. Her eyes are basically drawing stuck gears as she even forgets to hug Ena back.
"Wh- Huh? What??"
Ena doesnt let go of her and her grip gets a bit tighter. She sniffs a little due to the feeling of finally being told such long kept secret, the cold, but also of happiness.
"You‘re an idiot, Mizuki! How could you ever think I would leave you because of this?!"
Mizuki‘s gears start working by now. It worked. It really worked. This may as well be the happiest moment of her life. She amlost starts to cry as she wraps her arms tight around Ena‘s chest, not ever wanting to let go. This feeling was so warm and welcoming she completely forgot about the cold and the sun amlost completely being down by now. The feeling is mutual too. Mizuki seems to speak in a trembling voice when she does.
"Ena… Im so happy right now… I never expected this day to come."
Ena smiles as she leans more into Mizuki.
"I just hoped… And just so you know, of course nothing will change, you‘re still the Mizuki I know and love. You will always be the same to me."
Mizuki just nods in response. They keep like this, in eachother‘s arms for a long while after, after Mizuki calms down from her sobbing of happiness. When that happens, both of them let go and Mizuki wipes her tears from her face with her sleeve as she looks over at Ena with a smile.
"Thank you, Ena… You truly are the best person I could‘ve wished for."
Ena smiles back at her. Seeing how Mizuki has calmed down now and they have settled their greatest problem together just couldnt make Ena happier herself. Still, she cant help but sneeze now after realizing how cold it got.
"Ah… The sun is already down… Talk about a winter."
Mizuki chuckles, a bit of her usual playful demeanor coming back to her.
"Hehe, are you cold? Well this uniform just keeps me warm~ But we should go back by now…"
Ena huffs and stems her hands on her hip.
"Well you would‘ve been back to your normal clothes by now if I didnt go here. Maybe you‘d have to wear a big winter jacket or you would‘ve been cold too!"
Mizuki chuckles and tilts her head with an amused grin.
"Oh, but I do look much cuter in this uniform than in some big winter jackets, dont you think~?"
Ena stares daggers back at her before she breaks into a smile.
"You look cute in anything, Mizuki."
She keeps it at that and starts quickly making her way to the door down the stairs again. Did Mizuki just hear that right? Ena sounded so genuine, even a bit embarassed… For some reason it makes Mizuki’s heart beat a bit faster. Huh… She looks after Ena speechless to think before running after her.
"Hey, wait! What did you just say?!"