Chapter Text
Dr. Jiminy: So, Pinocchio, did you know Alison wasn't your daughter?
*shocked gasping from the crowd*
Pinocchio *raises eyebrow*
Alice *giving Jiminy the 'are you kidding me look'*
Lampwick *from the cro wd* Yes, he knew! We all knew ! You knew!
Dr. Jiminy *flustered* SECURITY!
Lampwick *running from security* I REGRET NOTHING, YOU OVERSIZED GRASSHOPPER!
Dr. Jiminy: FOR THE LAST TIME, I'M A CRICKET!
Alice *to the crowd* for the record, my daughter is adopted. I didn't even marry Pinocchio until She was 6 months old— something that, as her godfather pointed out, Jiminy was aware of—
*The screen briefly goes black*
Dr. Jiminy: The people wanna know Alice. Pinocchio. Is Pin adopted—
Alice and Pinocchio *annoyed* NO! YOU KNEW THIS ALREADY!
Dr Jiminy: So, Lampwick was it—
Lampwick: Don't act like you don't know who I am. You've known me for years!
Dr Jiminy *ignores him as he pulls up an audio-less video of Lampwick punching a guy* Is it true that you can be jealous?
Lampwick *raises a brow* Why? Are you interested Beetle?
Lampwick: Well that's what it sounds like. Sorry Beetle, you aren't my type.
Dr Jiminy: For your information, I am a CRICKET not a beetle—
Lampwick, waving him off: Tomayto, tomahto.
Dr Jiminy: It is not the same thing—
Tiger Lily *bored* Why are you arguing with him? You know you're only making it worse.
Dr Jiminy: It's the principle of the matter!
Tiger Lily: Well good luck with that. I'm gonna go pick my daughters up from school and get a slushie.
Dr Jiminy: You can't just—
Tiger Lily *leaves*
Dr. Jiminy: So. You three.
Coach Jenkins *sitting on a couch next to Taran and Eilonwy, softly* Don't.
Dr. Jiminy *continues anyway* What do you have to say about the rumor that Eilonwy is cheating on her husband, Alexander, with you two?
Eilonwy *glaring darkly at Jiminy*
Taran *embarrassed* It's not true.
Coach Jenkins: Which you know and anyone with common sense should know.
Dr. Jiminy: And what does Alexander have to say, Eilonwy? Why isn't he here?
Eilonwy: Because he's in rehab again because of you. You should be ashamed of yourself—
*Screen goes black again*
Narrator: Next time, on Dr. Jiminy—