Chapter Text
Kindaichi and Kunimi - who had finally emerged from the bottle he'd been hiding in - picked their way carefully over the layer of shimmering air that lay just above the floor in the hallway, all the way to the doorway of the Guildmaster's office. Yahaba and Kyoutani, already in the room, wore matching grins when they noticed how carefully the other pair was walking. Kyoutani was holding Patch, because the puppy had been too interested in the traps that were being set up.
"Don't worry, Kyoutani has better control over his protection spells than that," Yahaba assured them. "You two won't get caught in anything, as long as you don't have mud on your shoes." Kunimi didn't seem affected by this, but Kindaichi relaxed slightly. "Did you two take care of your end?"
"Of course we did," Kindaichi replied. "Kiyoko and Yachi should be here any minute, too," he added. "But they don't know."
"Don't know what?" Kiyoko asked, slipping past Kindaichi and Kunimi into the room.
"How much paperwork we had to do after the magic carpet thing," Yahaba replied smoothly. Kindaichi shot the earth mage a glare, because Yahaba hadn't done any of the paperwork, citing Kyoutani's injured shoulder as a reason to go off and hide. "But the Guildmaster will be back any minute, and then it'll all be his headache again."
"Not quite," a familiar voice countered. Everyone turned toward the desk and found Oikawa grinning at them from his chair, Iwaizumi standing beside him. "We're back!" Oikawa sang cheerfully. "I hope you all didn't get into too much trouble while we were gone!"
"Kyoutani killed a group of bandits and then accidentally scared Yachi," Yahaba replied.
"Yahaba and Kyoutani got lost in the woods," Kindaichi added.
"Yachi tried a new sleeping spell and it went horribly," Kunimi piped up. "I was the only one awake and it was terrible."
"Koganegawa trapped his familiar in frog shape," Kyoutani put in.
"An angry glacier spirit froze the castle, then took Futakuchi off to defrost some stuff for him, and we haven't heard from them since," Yahaba said.
"Kyoutani brought an unholy number of puppies home, and Yahaba let him keep one," Kindaichi said, pointing to Patch, who helpfully yipped and wagged his tail.
"Yahaba got poisoned, and we're not sure what exactly happened to the guy, because Kindaichi and Watari and the others left him unattended with the poisoner while yachi and I were gathering herbs," Kiyoko sighed.
"Kiyoko got trapped in a crumbling tower!" Yachi wailed.
"Yachi got possessed by an ocean spirit siren hybrid and turned into a mermaid," Yahaba put in.
"Koganegawa sort of enchanted our cooks so they can't move, and a magical rat has been cooking all of the food, because we couldn't get anyone to undo his enchantment," Kindaichi admitted.
"And Kuguri brought in a flying carpet and nearly squashed Kyoutani," Yahaba finished. Oikawa, whose expression had been growing more and more incredulous and downright horrified, just stared at them for a very, very long moment. Next to him, Iwaizumi was hiding his face with his hands, possibly amused, dismayed, or a combination thereof.
"So that was our week. How was yours?" Kindaichi asked tentatively.
"Well, I got kidnapped," Oikawa started. Iwaizumi lifted his head to glare at the enchanter, who just grinned at him, although the expression seemed a little strained after hearing everything that had happened in his absence. "And I spent the whole week thoroughly enjoying Iwa-chan's company and rather forceful caretaking methods."
"Yeah, we knew that part," Kindaichi grumbled. "Watari asked me to pass on a complaint about Iwaizumi's priorities." Oikawa frowned and glanced at Iwaizumi in confusion, who met his gaze steadily, with not one hint of remorse.
"Now that you're so refreshed," Yahaba began, "Do you think you could go and get the cooks out of Koganegawa's enchantment? As much as Suzumeda likes cooking, I think she would be happy to have the cooks back."
"Suzumeda?" Oikawa repeated blankly.
"The rat who's been cooking for the whole Guild," Kindaichi explained. Oikawa groaned and leaned forward, intending to let his head thump onto his desk. Instead of wood, however, he was met with a layer of damp earth that coated the surface. The Guildmaster lifted his head, frowning at the sensation of...was that mud he felt on his face? Kiyoko's eyes widened, and she glanced questioningly at Yahaba, who simply smiled serenely. Oikawa's eyes narrowed as he reached up to wipe the dirt off, but his fingers met only shimmering air as the protection spell hidden in the dirt activated. Kyoutani hid his grin in Patch's fur. Iwaizumi couldn't see Oikawa's face from where he was standing, so he didn't notice right away.
"Don't you have something to tell them, Oikawa?" Iwaizumi prompted. Oikawa huffed.
"Kindaichi, you're second in command now, and Yahaba is third. Now get this off me!" Oikawa wailed. Iwaizumi blinked, then leaned forward to see what was on Oikawa's face.
"You know, you really should've expected that," Iwaizumi sighed. "Matsukawa and Hanamaki always pulled stuff like this if you left them in charge." Kindaichi tensed, and Yahaba's calm expression wavered. Then Oikawa groaned dramatically.
"I thought Kindaichi and Yahaba at least respected me!" he whined. Kindaichi relaxed; it seemed like Oikawa was back to his old self.
"Oh, we respect you, Guildmaster," Yahaba assured him. "We just also want you to know how very, very long our week has been."
"The cooks?" Kindaichi prompted. Oikawa nodded and stood. He and Iwaizumi made their way to the door, pausing just inside the doorway, beside Kiyoko. Neither of them noticed that there was a suspicious layer of dirt on the floor around Oikawa's desk, or that the dirt clung to their shoes as they walked.
"Welcome back, Guildmaster," Kiyoko murmured. Oikawa grinned.
"It's good to be back," he replied. Then he stepped through the doorway, Iwaizumi on his heels, and the protection spell on the floor repelled the dirt on their shoes, sending them both sprawling on the floor in the hallway. For a long minute, there was silence.
"I thought you were only going to make the dirt stick to Oikawa's shoes," Kyoutani grumbled in Yahaba's ear. The earth mage turned to his familiar, expression open and innocent.
"Oops," he said. "My mistake." Kyoutani frowned at him.
"The cooks," Kindaichi reminded them. Oikawa got to his feet carefully, only to slip again, because Kyoutani's spell against dirt still covered the hallway. Oikawa yelped and went down. Iwaizumi managed to stand, leaning against the wall and glaring over his shoulder at the mages and familiars still inside Oikawa's office. The war god took a small step, and was sent careening down the hallway, letting out some of the most undignified yelping noises any of the others had ever heard. Oikawa snickered as he managed to stand as well, but after seeing what happened to Iwaizumi, the enchanter tried to step back into the office, onto unwarded floor. A short puff of air pushed him off balance, and Oikawa twisted as he fell to properly glare indignantly at Kindaichi.
"We're going to get you back for this," Oikawa announced. Yahaba smiled sweetly. Kyoutani was staring after Iwaizumi, a look of mingled horror and regret on his features.
"I'm sure you are," Yahaba replied. "But first, you have some cooks to save. And then you have to go over the week's reports and sign them, and then..."
"Iwa-chan is going to help me get you back," Oikawa grumbled. Kyoutani took a step back. Kindaichi paled.
"He never got involved after Matsukawa and Hanamaki's pranks," Kunimi murmured.
"Makki and Mattsun never sent Iwa-chan skidding down the hallway, squealing like a scared child," Oikawa countered. Kunimi looked around, probably for the bottle he'd been hiding in earlier.
"He's the one who kidnapped you, even if it was for your own good, so this time Iwaizumi is at least partially to blame," Yahaba stated calmly. "Surely a war god will understand that."
"He'll also understand my need to calm down by getting revenge," Oikawa said haughtily.
"Iwaizumi's the responsible one. He won't let this get out of hand," Kindaichi said tentatively.
"Yachi and I had nothing to do with this," Kiyoko announced. "We'll meet you in the kitchen in case the cooks need healing after being stuck in the same place for so long." The healer pair made their way carefully passed Oikawa, then down the hall. They paused beside Iwaizumi, who had ended up in a heap at the end of the hallway, noted that he didn't seem to be injured, and then continued towards the kitchen. Oikawa grumbled and started pulling off his shoes. If his shoes had the dirt on them, and the floor was repelling dirt, then taking off his shoes would solve the problem, he reasoned. It seemed he was correct, because he made it down the hall to where Iwaizumi was without falling again. Once he was out of earshot, Yahaba turned to Kindaichi.
"You said you got your part set up. Did you really manage it?" Yahaba asked.
"I told you we did. I flew that stupid carpet through the smelliest parts of the castle and village, then parked it under their bed, and altered the air currents in that part of the castle so the smell won't bother anyone else. Just them," Kindaichi replied. Yahaba grinned. Kunimi yawned. Kyoutani sighed and hid his face in Patch's fur again.
So at the end of a week filled with weird magic, their Guildmaster was back, the gaps in the command structure had been filled, and the four of them may or may not have just started a magical prank war with said Guildmaster and his war god familiar.