Chapter Text
Nikola walks into the kitchen of the apartment she shares with Jane. "Hello My Wormy Wifey, I Am Home!!! From A Long Day Of Stealing Skin!!!!"
Jane is eating something. It looks like spaghetti. "Oh Delicious!!!" Nikola exclaims. "Noodles!!!"
"Not exactly," Jane responds. And...hold on a second—is that pasta...wriggling?
"What The Fuck!!!" Nikola says. "That Is Worms!!!"
"Yup," says Jane, taking a big bite.
"If I Was Not Plastic I Would Be Throwing Up!!!" Nikola says in response to this.
"Fuck off, Nik, they're fuckin tasty," Jane says through a large wormy mouthful. Nikola wishes her eyes were real so she could rip them out. Then a thought strikes her, which is rare.
"Hang On," she says. "I Thought That Harm To The Worms Harms You As Well!!!"
"Nah," Jane replies, "not these bitches. Earthy fuckers, these are. They can go fuck themselves."
Jane takes another bite, and then grabs a jar of spaghetti sauce and puts a big scoop of the sauce into her mouth. "Yummy," she says.
"Okay!!!" Nikola says. "What The Actual Fuck Bro!!!! I Might Be An Eldritch Monster But That Is Unacceptable!!!"
Jane picks up the jar and chugs the chunky tomato sauce straight from the jar like it's a delicious fucking beverage.
This is all too much for Nikola. She picks up a bottle of wine and drinks directly from the bottle, except being plastic she technically doesn't have a mouth, so it kind of just splashes all over her face. Oops.
"Oh dear," Jane says. "Let me help clean that up!" She wiggles her wormy fingers and advances towards Nikola.
"Nope!!!" Nikola yelps. "Nope Nope Nope No Thank You Please Stay Away From Me You Sinner!!!!"
"You literally steal skin and you're calling me the sinner?"
Nikola pauses.
"Fair Point!!! But That Does Not Change The Fact That You Are Eating Fucking Worms!!!"
"Hehe :3" says Jane. Nikola screams so loud that birds fly away across the street.
Suddenly a brick flies through the window. "Hang On!!!! What Does This Have To Do With The Story So Far???" Nikola asks, breaking the fourth wall, but it's fine because this is a crackfic. Anyway, I was literally about to get to how the brick is relevant, so maybe Nikola should shut the fuck up and be patient.
Jane gets up and looks at the brick. There's a message on it.
Fuck you ♡ Love, the Archives team
While they are staring at the brick, something else flies through the window. They look at it and see it's a grenade because I couldn't figure out how to end this story so I figured I might as well just make shit explode.
"AAAAAAAAA OH FUCK" they both scream. Then the grenade explodes, instantly killing everyone in the vicinity.
The end.