Chapter Text
Maybe I should ask him now? But…
A moment after Ash had offered to show him the perfect place for a sunset, an idea he loved, Eiji’s smile faded again when his gaze fell on the camera lying next to him. He wondered why Ash had been perfectly relaxed when he took photos at the beginning of their sightseeing tour but, later on, had suddenly tensed up, paralyzed, and unable to recognize him. He wondered what had triggered the change.
Eiji looked at Ash, still amazed at how easily he handled chopsticks while eating. Most Americans just embarrassed themselves while using chopsticks, holding them wholly wrong or taking hours to finish the food. Usually, the food fell on their plate again due to the poor technique when handling their chopsticks. Ash, however, handled them perfectly, as if he had grown up using them. His blonde strands fell into his face, dancing freely in the soft afternoon breeze while he bent forward a little to pick something from the bento boxes on the grass between them and confidently guided the chopsticks back to his mouth without dropping even a single grain of rice.
While eating himself, Eiji couldn’t take his eyes off him. At the moment, he looked like a regular college student who enjoyed a sunny day picnicking with a friend. His posture was relaxed, his free hand casually dangling from his knee while his eyes shone soft and bright, highlighted by the sun rays and turning them into a gorgeous emerald green. He wore a carefree and happy expression, and Eiji wished it would last forever. He loved how his eyes sparkled when he tried something new from the dishes he had prepared. Sometimes, his eyes widened in surprise when he tasted something he hadn’t known before.
That’s why he hesitated momentarily, wondering if he should ask Ash about his behavior around cameras and destroy this moment of happiness. Ash’s eyes suddenly met his, and he sent him a telepathic message since he was still eating.
‘Eiji, why are you staring at me like that?’
‘I just like what I see. You look happy and relaxed.’
‘I am. Thank you for the meal, Eiji. It’s delicious. But there’s more you want to say,’ Ash stated, his eyes holding his gaze. ‘I can feel the worry through the bond. It’s so intense that even I can sense it without any effort. Besides, you’re holding your chopsticks upside down. I might not know much about Japanese eating etiquette, but I’m pretty sure the chopsticks’ thinner part is supposed to be directed at the food.’ Ash gave him a half-amused, half-naughty smile.
Eiji looked at his right hand and saw with a start that Ash was right. His chopsticks were indeed upside down. While lost in thought, he had played with them absentmindedly. He felt slightly guilty about worrying Ash but kept looking into Ash’s eyes, determined to grasp this opportunity Ash had given him. Since this was a serious topic, he switched to normal speech again, taking a deep breath before asking his question.
“You’re right, Ash. I wanted to ask you something but didn’t know if this was the right moment. You looked so happy, and I didn’t want to ruin that moment.”
Ash just nodded, waiting for him to go on.
“It’s about your reaction to my camera earlier. I’d like to know why you reacted that way. You told me it’s fine to bring my camera, and when I took photos and we looked through the pictures together, you were fine. So, why…?”
Ash sighed, then placed his chopsticks on the empty bento box in front of him before facing him again.
“I wasn’t lying when I told you it was okay to bring your camera. As long as you take the photos, tell me upfront, and don’t sneak up behind me, it doesn’t bother me…”
“But?”
“It’s - it’s the clicking sound cameras make when taking photos. The camera of those monsters who took photos of me also had such a clicking sound, and I still can hear that sound sometimes in my nightmares. It still haunts me to this day…”
“Ash…” Eiji gently placed a hand on his knee to comfort him. Ash’s sad smile when he looked up at him, feeling his touch, seemed to say, ‘Feeling sorry for me again?’ And he did. No one deserved what Ash had gone through. If they had lived closer back then, he could have helped him, maybe even saved him… Sometimes, he wondered why fate had initially separated them. Maybe there was a bigger picture that he hadn’t grasped yet as a mere mortal… Or perhaps they had to meet in New York City at the exact moment they did… What if there was a deeper purpose to their encounter in NYC?
Ash’s voice pulled him back to reality. His voice was softer now, yet he still felt the guilt and sadness lingering in the bond.
“It was ok when you took the photos. I felt safe with you, even with that sound. I always feel safe when you take photos. But it got more crowded later, and I heard many other cameras with those clicking sounds. The huge amount of people didn’t make things any better…”
“Why didn’t you tell me, Ash?” Eiji scolded him softly.
“I didn’t want to spoil this perfect day with my personal baggage again. I’m sorry. I’m so used to suppressing my emotions that I do that automatically. I - I should have told you.”
“Yes, you should have. Then, I could have switched off the clicking sound for you,” he said, shaking his head in frustration. “And I would have gone somewhere quieter with you. With fewer people around.”
Ash remained silent and only gave a slight nod as a reaction. Eiji slowly moved closer so he could see it and put a hand on his shoulder. Ash finally looked at him, and their eyes met. Before Ash could look away again, still feeling bad about hiding things from him again, he cupped his chin and held his gaze. Ash stared at him, and then Eiji saw reflected in his eyes that he had understood his intention. Eiji wanted him to listen and to look into his eyes while doing so. Ash nodded and sent him a message.
‘Tell me what you want to say. I’ll listen.’
“I know I’ve told you that once before, but let me make that perfectly clear once again. The place I visit with you isn’t important. I’m happy as long as you are by my side, I can spend time with you and learn more about you. So, your company is meaningful to me, not the surroundings. And, above all else, this isn’t just about my happiness, Ash. It’s about us having fun together.”
“That means you should enjoy this day as much as I do. If you’re happy, so am I, and the other way around. Do you understand that?” He poked his chest with one finger repeatedly to emphasize his point.
Ash stared at him momentarily, his eyes widening in surprise as if such a thought had never occurred to him before. Eiji shook his head while watching his stunned expression. He had suspected he hadn’t gotten through to him the last time. Now, he saw that he was right.
“That’s not why - no, never mind. Forget it,” he interrupted himself, not saying another word.
“Aaash?” Eiji stretched his name endlessly to show him he wouldn’t accept such an ominous answer. It irritated him when Ash started to be honest, then stopped himself, anxious about his reaction. He usually needed some motivation to continue. “The truth, please.” Still, Ash remained silent, so Eiji chose to change the subject.
“Ok, then, tell me something else. With your calculating mind, you would have expected Central Park to be crowded on a weekend. So, why take me here? Did you only think about my wishes again? Didn’t you think about yourself at all when offering to take me here?”
Eiji had tried to ask those questions as calmly as possible, but even he could hear a little accusation lingering, and his voice had a scolding undertone. He wished that Ash would value his life more. He never thought about himself, and it made him sad that it was normal for him always to put others first and sacrifice his own life or well-being. It should have sounded less scolding, but he couldn’t change it. He couldn’t hide his genuine emotions, nor did he want to hide them from Ash. Ash liked his honesty, so he hoped it would be fine, and Ash wouldn’t distance himself again at the sound of his tone.
“It’s not like that, Eiji!”
Ash’s impulsive response woke him from his turmoil of emotions. His voice was fierce, and he had raised his voice while flinging those words at him. The bond revealed, however, that he was hiding something. Eiji hadn’t yet figured out what it was.
His intense glare shot daggers at him before he suddenly halted and lowered his gaze to the ground before him. Eiji felt regret through the bond. Ash confirmed this by saying quietly, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have raised my voice.”
Eiji nodded, then noticed that Ash couldn’t see that with his head hanging low, his eyes fixated on the ground. Since he had promised Ash not to touch him when he couldn’t see it coming and he saw that he was spaced out and probably overthinking things again, he withdrew his hand again. Instead, he sent him a picture of what he was about to do through their bond before reaching for him and touching his shoulder. Ash smiled at him gratefully, and Eiji returned the smile, so Ash knew he had accepted his apology.
“Then, what was the real reason? Please explain it to me.” Ash sighed, hesitating for a moment before reluctantly giving him an answer.
“I simply forgot that so many people would be here today,” he admitted, avoiding his eyes again.
“Ash, how could you forget something like that? You live here. And with that smart mind of yours…”
Then, with a start, the truth dawned on Eiji. He looked closer at Ash, his slumped shoulders and body language, and tried to remember his gestures and facial expressions during their conversation. Then, he giggled softly.
“No way, Ash. You were actually so nervous spending time with me you forgot everything else?”
Ash immediately looked up at him, his eyes widening in astonishment. “How did you – that’s impossible…” Ash stopped his mumbling. However, it was too late. He had just confirmed that he had hit the bull’s eye with his assumption. Eiji couldn’t stop grinning.
“That’s so adorable, Ash. And here I thought I was the only one totally nervous!”
Ash didn’t say anything, but that was enough of an answer. He couldn’t deny it because then, he’d be lying. And even if Ash often acted stubbornly, Ash was always sincere with him. It was true that he hid his honest feelings sometimes. Ash slowly learned to trust someone else again. He wanted to do so, yet he was still afraid that his trust would be betrayed eventually.
However, Eiji felt they had already grown much closer, and Ash had already started opening up to him. He had done the same and told him about some difficult times that he had never talked about with anyone else before. They would find a way to overcome all obstacles and look out for each other. Ash still hid some parts of his life from him. Ash did that to protect him from his world, so it was something Eiji could understand. Even if he hid some things from him, Ash had never lied to him.
“How did you know?” he asked quietly, a hint of curiosity resonating through the bond. “You used our bond?”
Eiji secretly loved how Ash said, ‘our bond’ now. Usually, he said ‘the bond’ as if distancing himself from something abstract he didn’t really believe in or wanted to be part of. Maybe his little practical lesson had convinced him a little. He didn’t believe in it fully and not in all aspects. At the same time, he couldn’t explain what he had seen, felt, and experienced with logic. Eiji saw in his gaze that he started to realize that as well.
“I didn’t need the bond for that. All I did was watch you. I want to learn more about you, after all.” Ash stared at him in disbelief, suspicion evident in his gaze. The color of his eyes usually clouded over when he had a hard time believing him. Then, his eyes lit up again; he met his gaze and smiled knowingly at him.
“Of course. I can’t hide anything from you. I both admire and dislike your talent of looking through people.” Ash admitted stubbornly. Eiji just grinned.
“I’m good at reading people and feeling their emotions. But I’m even better at reading my stubborn soulmate. It’s just as Shorter told you. I don’t even need the bond to know what you feel. I just know you very well. You have tells that reveal your real intentions, you know?”
“I do?” Ash inquired, shaken by that statement. Eiji doubted anyone else had ever learned how to see through his stoic poker face. The reason being that probably no one dared to look directly into his eyes. However, he had one advantage—Ash’s poker face melted away in his company. Not that it had worked on him in the first place, but Eiji loved seeing how his face got softer and revealed more emotions over time. It meant that Ash felt comfortable around him.
“Sometimes, not answering reveals more about you than an answer in itself. You were embarrassed but couldn’t contradict my observation. If you had denied it, you’d have lied to me. You’d never do that.”
“Well, I guess that’s true. So, you can still read me even if I avoid your gaze? Amazing.”
“You have it backwards, Ash. It’s exactly because you avoided my gaze that I knew what was going on inside you. You always avoid my eyes and cast your eyes downward on the ground when you can’t contradict my findings but don’t want to admit them, either. Or when you’re anxious that I discovered your true feelings, you’d rather hide.”
“That’s… impressive.” Eiji was secretly proud because receiving praise from someone as smart as Ash was difficult. He beamed at him.
“I’m relieved. That you were nervous, too, I mean.”
“I’ve never been so nervous in my entire life,” he finally admitted. Then, his intense gaze returned when he looked up again. “But shouldn’t you have felt my nervousness? Back when we met at Bryant Park? You’re usually really skilled at reading my emotions. I’m surprised you haven’t detected them right at the beginning.”.
“Yes, I should have. You’re right about that. However, I was as nervous as you and, therefore, unaware of your emotions. I looked forward to meeting you the whole week, so I was a nervous wreck when I met you. I was so happy because meeting you in real life and finally spending a whole day with you had always been my greatest wish. But I was afraid of screwing up or destroying this opportunity.”
“Yes, I felt the same way. I’ve never dared to hope that I’d ever meet you. You’re exactly as I imagined you. Expect that I assumed you were American. I feared you wouldn’t spend a whole day with me if you learned more about me. I’m glad I was wrong, and Shorter was right this time. He told me you’d never give up on me.”
There it was again—Ash’s genuine and soft smile lit up his whole face. Even his blonde hair seemed to have a golden shimmer and shone in a brighter shade, if that was even possible. It was a breathtaking sight, so he could only stare at him in awe. He would never understand how anyone could ever see a monster in Ash. He looked much more like an angel with his golden blonde hair and mesmerizing emerald eyes. After admiring the soft expression on his pale features, he turned serious again.
“Ash, can you tell me why you panicked? What triggered it exactly? The crowd? The cameras? A smell? A sound?”
“The crowd and the cameras. I’m not good with huge crowds. Mainly because I fear touch and people attacking me in such a chaotic setting. Then, someone bumped into me out of nowhere, and raw fear shot through me, paralyzing me. The next thing I remember is you hugging me and telling me I was safe,“ he confessed honestly.
“I see. Thank you for telling me. I just wanted to know because I want to avoid such a situation when meeting you next time.”
“So, there will be a next time? That probably means I haven’t totally screwed up… I’m sorry, Eiji. I should have told you before coming here… I’m trying, Eiji. To be more open and honest, I mean. But it isn’t easy for me. I want to trust you, but…”
“Yes, I understand that, Ash. You learned the hard way only to rely on yourself. That’s an attitude you can’t change within a few hours or weeks. All I’m asking is to keep trying to confide in me more. I want to teach you that your life is precious and that your touch comforts me,” Eiji replied warmly. “So, we will see each other more often if you’d like. Eventually, I’ll earn your unconditional trust. I’ll wait for you. Always.”
“Eiji…Thank you.”
“Do you know why I showed you how to revive that wilted flower? Of course, I wanted you to see spiritual power with your own eyes. However, there was another reason why I told you to try it yourself. Can you figure out the other reason?”
Ash contemplated this for a moment. Eiji loved his facial expression when he thought hard about an answer to his question. A little frown always appeared between his eyes while his eyes tightened and turned blank as if he mediated or looked for the answer within himself. In such moments, he looked through him, not at him. His head rested on his hand, his elbow sitting on his knee. When he couldn’t find an answer, another more prominent frown dawned on his forehead while life returned to his eyes, even though the color wasn’t as bright as before. When he still didn’t reach an answer, he bit his lip and played with some strands of his blonde hair, curling it around his index finger instead of admitting he hadn’t found an answer. Stubborn idiot…
Eiji burst out laughing when seeing that, which took Ash off guard, and he stared at him in disbelief, utterly flustered while his cheeks turned a faint shade of rosy red.
“What’s so funny?” he finally asked, irritation resonating in his voice.
“You’re truly used to having all the answers,” Eiji replied, still laughing. “You look utterly lost when you can’t find one. That’s so adorable.”
“You did that on purpose. Stop teasing me and just spill it!” Ash countered impatiently, his eyes glowing with a hint of anger.
“Sorry. You’re right. I did it on purpose,” Eiji admitted, amused by Ash’s stubborn reaction. But you always look like a lost puppy when you don’t find an answer to my questions. I couldn’t resist.” Ash didn’t dignify that with an answer and instead glared at him.
“I usually have an answer to everything. The only one who remains a mystery to me is you. You never act rationally, and your emotions direct every move you make. It’s irritating as hell.”
Despite Ash’s stubborn reaction, Eiji still chuckled happily. “Sorry, but there is no user’s manual for me. You have to do it the usual way and get to know me better to solve the Eiji Okumura riddle.”
“So, what is the right answer?” Ash asked after a moment of silence. “Tell me.” Eiji waited a minute longer, teasing him a little. Ash hated it when he couldn’t answer a question or lacked knowledge. He needed to know the answer, or he would spend the next few days looking for it.
“I also taught you this skill because it was important for you to realize that you can create something beautiful with your own hands. That they can save and heal people. And even revive and recreate life. You always think that your hands can only destroy and kill, and I wanted to prove you wrong.”
“Eiji…” A single tear ran down his cheek, but Eiji saw the little smile on his lips. This time, he didn’t wipe it away or hide it from him, which he loved.
He took Ash’s hands in his and met his gaze. “Ash, your hands are like a weapon - “
Ash immediately flinched and withdrew his hands, then pulled back from him. “I know my hands are a weapon,” he countered stubbornly, eyes flashing.
“That’s not what I meant, Ash. Maybe I phrased it wrong. Let me try again.” He leaned forward and took his hands in his again.
“I meant that your hands are similar to a weapon. A weapon is not evil in itself. It depends on the wielder of said weapon. I’ve told you that once before. Do you remember?”
Ash looked at him blankly, not understanding where this was going, so he quickly continued.
“A weapon can be a means of mass destruction, torture, violence, and murder. But, at the same time, a weapon can be used to protect people, save lives, and give its wielder or people around him a feeling of safety.”
Ash gave a slight nod, signaling that he followed his line of thought until here.
“Your hands are the same. As their wielder, you decide if they are used for evil or good. I’m sure fighting can’t be avoided in your world. I know, however, that you kill people to protect and save, not because you enjoy it. You do it because it’s the only survival option, a necessary evil. So, it’s your way of holding a protective hand over the people you love. I’m sure that your actions give people a sense of safety.”
A little smile escaped Ash’s lips. “So, that’s what you meant.”
“When you revived that flower, I saw in your eyes that you were utterly surprised that you could revive the flower and create something beautiful. That’s why I asked you to try it yourself. I know I’m repeating myself. However, the last time when I told you that your hands could also be gentle, warm, soft, and comforting, my words didn’t reach you. That’s also why you can’t remember them. I’m sure that you rarely forget anything with your intellect.” Ash nodded at him.
“When you heard those words the first time, you couldn’t believe them yet. So, I tried to reveal the truth to you through a practical lesson. It’s usually much easier for you to accept something if you see it for yourself. With your own eyes. You would finally believe my words by creating something beautiful with your hands and your own effort.”
Ash stared at their joined hands as if seeing them in a different light. He felt through the bond that the true meaning of his words finally dawned on him. That he started to believe him. Ash looked up at him, and he saw a little half-smile.
“Yes, you’re right. I was stunned that my hands tainted with blood could create something so lovely, revive, and save something. Even if it was only a tiny flower.” Eiji tightened the grip around Ash’s hands, and his thumbs gently stroked the back of his hands.
“Ash, I felt safe and protected when I slept in your arms. Your hands radiate a warmth that feels comforting and soft. Your hands can also be gentle, heal, and save people. I’m here to remind you of that.”
Ash shook his head. However, he wasn’t rejecting his line of thought. He couldn’t believe that someone believed in him and saw potential invisible to anyone else. He felt it in the way Ash’s body relaxed and how he imitated his gesture and gently stroked the back of his hands. The touch was still full of hesitation and a little clumsy. Still, the mere fact that Ash initiated touch when he associated touch with terrifying memories brought tears to his eyes.
‘I can’t believe that you understand me so easily. You always see and accept who I really am.’
Then, Ash removed one of his hands from his and gently wiped his tears away. “You’re also the only one who sheds tears for my sake. Thank you.”
Eiji felt the mixture of relief and happiness through the bond. The bond wasn’t necessary, though, since Ash wore the softest expression in his eyes he had ever seen.
“I was shocked when the flower started blooming again. Thank you, Eiji. Creating something so pure and beautiful felt great. I’ve never felt that way before. I felt the energy flowing through me for the first time. It makes it easier to believe in it. Thank you for everything today.”
He moved closer, leaned his head on his shoulder, and Eiji ran a hand through his blonde hair. He loved to see that Ash initiated touch now. They had only spent one day together, but it felt like they had never been apart.
“Ash, you teach me many things as well. Please don’t forget that. You always give me the confidence to pursue my dream of becoming a photographer. You always have great ideas for my projects at college and tell me about some great photo spots. I lost all confidence after my accident and wondered if I could find something else I was good at. It helps me immensely that someone believes in me. Thank you for everything.”
“Can I look at the photos you took today?”
Eiji stared at him for a moment, utterly stupefied by that question.
“What’s with that reaction? Does that mean I can’t take a look?” Ash asked him quietly, his confidence crushed by his hesitation.
“Sorry, Ash. I hadn’t expected that question from you. Of course, you can see them.”
Eiji removed the camera from his camera bag and switched it on, showing him the photos on the screen.
“Photos also reflect the photographer’s intentions. Like the weapons you mentioned, a camera isn’t evil, either. It depends on the one looking through the camera. Your photos always remind me of that.”
“Yes, you’re right. I’m glad you noticed that.”
“Your photos are captivating, Eiji. I can’t tell you that enough. They reveal your beautiful and pure soul and the innocent way you see the world. They’re full of life and radiate a happiness and brightness that makes them stand out. You taught me that photos can freeze happy moments and keep the memory of them alive.”
“Good point. That reminds me of something. Can you take a photo with me now? We can create some new happy memories together. And overwrite our bad ones. I’ve taken some great photos of you, but we don’t have one of us together. I’ve switched off the clicking sound of my camera. Is it ok? I could also use my smartphone instead.”
“No, your camera is fine.” Eiji observed him for a moment longer before putting an arm around Ash and taking a photo of them. Then, he took one only of Ash and sighed in defeat.
“The world is so unfair. While I look like a kid, you look like a supermodel on a runway fashion show. Even with red-rimmed eyes, you’d turn ripped jeans and an ordinary hoodie into the latest fashion trend.”
“Can I take a photo of you, Eiji? How do you take a photo with your nerdy camera?” he asked with a smirk, his tone challenging him.
Eiji smacked the back of his head for provoking him, yet still grinned. Then, he showed him how to hold it and which buttons to press. Ash took some photos and then smiled.
“They turned out well. You might look like a grade schooler, but your warm eyes shine golden in the sunlight, and your honest smile always cheers me up. I think that it’s your pure and beautiful soul that outshines everything else in this photo. Your bright soul always captivated me, even resonating through the bond. Your warmth and your compassion spread through it. It’s what kept me sane when I had all those horrible experiences. I knew even if the whole world turned evil, I still had a soulmate who was genuinely good and selfless. That’s your innate talent, Eiji,” Ash replied honestly, his eyes lighting up with happiness.
Eiji could only stare at him momentarily, then beamed at him. Ash’s description was so beautiful it instantly cheered him up.
“I love that your features are always so open and honest, Eiji. You never hide your true emotions. That’s so refreshing and a new experience for me. And it helps me to be more open with you, too.”
Eiji moved closer and leaned on Ash’s shoulder, enjoying this moment.
“So, how’s your headache?” Eiji asked after a moment, casting a side glance at him.
“It’s gone. I feel fine. What about you? Have your powers returned? You looked exhausted before we started eating.”
“Don’t worry. I’ve recovered as well. So did my powers.”
“Eiji, can we practice some soulmate skills again? I’d still like to know how to locate you. Can I try? I’ve tried at home but have only seen snippets or fragments until now, but I couldn’t fixate on the moment long enough to figure out your exact location.”
Eiji was utterly astonished. He would have never expected that Ash would take the initiative and would ask him about practicing soulmate skills. He had a hard time believing in the concept, after all.
What?” Ash asked when he caught him staring.
“I was just stunned that you would be the one suggesting that. You seemed pretty suspicious about our skills.”
“Your practice with the flower changed that. And…” He hesitated for a moment.
“And?”
”I – “ he began, hesitating for an instant, “I want to become a more reliable soulmate. And I need to know how to protect you.”
Eiji wanted to tell him he didn’t need protection. The stubborn reply was already on the tip of his tongue. However, when he saw Ash’s determined look, he swallowed his answer. Sometimes, he forgot that Ash lived in a cruel world where danger and death were part of your life. Protecting the people he loved was natural for him. So, it was okay if he wanted to protect him, even if it wasn’t necessary. After all, he wanted to protect Ash as well. Soulmates always cared for each other and wished for each other’s well-being and safety. It was as natural as breathing for them. So, he decided to say something else instead.
“Yes, of course. It’s a great idea! I tried the same but could only limit it to a bigger radius. It was too rough to find your exact location.”
“Can you please tell me how to do that? I tried it several times, but I couldn’t find you.”
“It’s easiest when you close your eyes and try to listen to the bond. Try to sense my emotions because they are the easiest to sense. Then, starting with my emotions, try to narrow it down and find the source of those emotions, meaning my presence. If you can find it, focus on it. Try to pinpoint it by blending out background noises like voices or traffic. The bond directs you to me if you believe in its power. Try to listen to its melody. You can also turn the red thread visible, and it will guide you towards me. The red thread should only be used as a last resort in a case of emergency, though, because it requires much more energy and effort.”
“Ok, thank you. I’ll give it a try.”
Eiji hid behind some trees, bushes, and anything he could think of beyond Ash’s field of vision. The last time, he went farther away and hid behind a building out of Ash’s sight. Still, Ash always found him without getting up from where they had been sitting for a while. He could tell him where he was down to the last inch. Ash described the location where he was standing in so much detail that it felt to Eiji like he was standing next to him. He could have given him the latitude and longitude if he had owned a compass. It was incredible. He, indeed, was a genius. He had tried locating Ash at college or home, but it had taken him much longer.
“Ash, you’re a natural talent. You have to focus on using less of your powers, and then you’ll be fine. Now, it’s my try. I need to improve my skills to locate you. I tried before, but I could only limit your location to a radius of several hundred feet. That’s too rough. I want to limit it to a more exact spot.”
He tried the same by practicing locating him through the bond. He couldn’t limit it as precisely as Ash could with his skill, but he had seriously improved after some attempts. Now, with some practice, he narrowed it down to ten feet, which he was pretty proud of. If they ever were in danger, this skill was a great asset.
After their little practice session, they grabbed their bags and walked towards Belvedere Castle. Before reaching it, Eiji took photos of the Loeb Boathouse, the restaurant Ash originally wanted to invite him to since it offered a great lake view. He took some pictures while they walked along the lake. When he felt Ash tense up again because it got more crowded, he took his hand in his and led him away to a quieter path.
He felt Ash’s surprise but didn’t let go of his hand and relaxed instantly. He didn’t say anything but smiled gratefully at him. Eiji felt his genuine feelings rushing through the bond.
They walked some quieter paths towards Belvedere Castle, which was easy because many ways led there. Ash told him about the castle's history, and they took some photos in front of it.
After passing Turtle Pond, they reached the part where many sports clubs were situated, some belonging to colleges or universities, some private.
Eiji suddenly stopped in his tracks and looked at the sports area. One of the softball fields had been separated and set up for pole vaulting training.
Stunned, he watched how people practiced the sport he would never practice again. He would never lift off the ground again, never feel the soft breeze around him when he jumped, never feel invincible, as if time was standing still for a moment as he soared weightlessly through the air, even if it was only for a few seconds. The harsh reality slammed into him like a punch in the gut, taking his breath away, and his vision started blurring. He felt his knees shaking before they finally gave in. The last thing Eiji heard was Ash’s panicked voice, shouting his name.
After a moment, Eiji felt Ash’s arms around him, hugging him, one arm supporting him and one stroking the back of his head.
“I’m sorry, Eiji. I didn’t know that they have an area for pole vaulting here. It was a softball field the last time I was here. I wouldn’t have led you here otherwise. I assumed you’d appreciate the sports area here as a former athlete,” Ash explained. Even through his pain, he felt Ash’s worry and regret through the bond. Eiji wanted to tell him he was fine, but he would never lie to Ash. Still, if he broke down now, Ash would feel bad and blame himself. He’d also be scared if he saw him in such a pathetic state. He couldn’t do that to Ash…
Ash’s soft voice pulled him back to reality. “I can feel that you hold back your pain, Eiji. It’s fine; let your pain and your tears run freely. Remember your words from earlier? You told me I don’t have to pretend in front of you. That I can just be myself. I’m returning those words to you now. You’ll feel better if you let go of your pain. I’m always here for you.”
Hearing Ash’s encouraging words in such a soft voice and feeling the warmth of Ash’s comforting hug, Eiji couldn’t hold back his tears any longer. He had never really talked to anyone about his pole-vaulting injury, so the pain, tears, and frustration flowed out freely now. He began crying uncontrollably, feeling how his whole body trembled and gripped Ash’s back so hard it probably left traces on his skin.
Ash just held him and sent him some soothing emotions, waiting patiently until he had calmed down. When his trembling finally slowed down, and his tears turned into sobs, Ash slowly let go of him and did something that took Eiji entirely by surprise. He gently wiped his tears away, then placed a small kiss on his forehead.
Eiji looked at him, completely stunned, then smiled through his remaining tears.
Embarrassment rushed through the bond as Ash’s cheeks flushed bright red while Ash looked for the right words.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. That was stupid and …”
“Ash, stop. It was a sweet idea, and it helped me. Thank you.”
“Oh… I just remembered that you did that when I wasn’t feeling well, and it helped me, so… I’ll stop talking now before I embarrass myself further.”
Another faint blush danced across his cheeks, and Eiji grinned happily. This side of Ash was so adorable, and he wanted to see more of it. Of the teenager Ash, who smiled, blushed, got embarrassed, and was nervous. Seeing this side of him immediately cheered him up.
“Thank you. I’m the one who should be embarrassed, but in your presence, I feel comfortable enough to show you my vulnerable side.” Ash smiled softly at him, then put an arm around his shoulder while they still looked at the pole-vaulting practice.
“I’ve never talked to anyone about my pole-vaulting injury. I’ve always played it down or suppressed it. You’re the only one I have told.”
“So, can you never pole vault again?” Ash asked carefully, his voice cracking at the end as if he wasn‘t sure if it was a good idea to ask that. Ash still felt his pain and sadness resonating through the bond. He saw the confirmation in his eyes, the way his eye color had dulled a little when he had asked that, his voice lacking the confident tone it usually carried.
“No. At least not on a professional level. I miss the feeling of soaring through the air weightlessly and the soft breeze on my skin and hair. It feels like pure freedom, even if it lasts only a few seconds. Like you’re invincible and can achieve anything.”
Eiji smiled sadly. The memory of flying through the air still made him smile, even if the pain of the abrupt and involuntary end always accompanied it.
Ash looked at him, and for the first time when speaking about the topic, he didn’t see what he had always seen: pity, disinterest, or incomprehension. Or, worst of all, utter indifference. After all, it was just a sport, right? That’s what everyone had always told him. ‘It’s a sport; just find another one.’ Still, for him, it had been so much more than that. It had been an escape, a way of life, a reason to live. When he had started pole-vaulting, he had learned what pure freedom and happiness felt like. And how the world looked like from a different perspective.
“Yes, I can understand that you would miss that. I’m sorry about that, Eiji. But you have many great talents you haven’t realized yet—your photos, for example. And maybe, with some distance from your injury, you could become a pole-vaulting coach and train the next generation. I bet you’d be a great coach. You’re patient, great at teaching, and have much experience. I looked up your pole-vaulting results, and you were amazing. An ace or a star.”
Usually, when people talked about his achievements, he was only reminded of his painful memories, the sound of his shattered ankle, the pain echoing non-stop through his ears. And he remembered his desperation afterwards, followed by a darkness that swallowed him, leaving just an empty shell of his previous self behind.
However, he was thrilled that Ash had researched his career, and when he had praised him, it had felt good and had healed his soul for the first time. Maybe it was because he was his soulmate and because Eiji felt Ash’s pride, encouragement, and endless support through the bond.
This was the first time he realized he wasn’t alone anymore. There was always someone by his side. And maybe Ash was right, and being a coach would help him come to terms with his pole-vaulting career. The thought had never occurred to him.
When Ash praised him, Eiji felt his cheeks heat up, but he was happy that Ash felt that way. It cheered him up instantly, mainly because Ash's words came from the heart, unlike all those shallow words of pity back in Izumo. He didn’t pity him but wished for his well-being and wanted to imply that he didn’t live in the past and had enough potential to turn his fate around. That pole vaulting wasn’t his only career path and wasn’t the only thing defining him.
And for the first time, a thought struck him. Without his pole-vaulting injury, he would never have ended up in New York and would never have met Ash. So, maybe all of this, including his accident, was fate, ultimately uniting him with his soulmate? He looked from Ash to the pole-vaulting practice again and watched the training for a few minutes from a new perspective. He looked at a pole vaulting practice without crying for the first time.
He grabbed Ash’s upper arm and leaned on Ash, thinking that fate had mysterious ways to work that mere mortals like them would probably never understand.
“Thank you, Ash. For being there for me.”
“Eiji, I’m always by your side if you need me. But are you fine? Do you need a break? You still look a little pale.”
He shook his head. “No, I’m fine, thanks to you. So, where is the photo spot with the perfect sunset you mentioned?” he asked, grinning at him.
“In another state.”
_____________________
After they had exited Central Park, Ash took Eiji across the Hudson River to Jersey City. They took the PATH subway from One World Trade Center to Exchange Place in Jersey City. You had a fantastic view of Manhattan and the most famous skyscrapers, Ash had explained to him.
Eiji had been utterly shocked when he had told him they would leave the state of New York. His face had been hilarious, his eyes widening in surprise and gaping at him, his jaw practically hitting the floor.
Like countless tourists, he didn’t know how close New Jersey was to New York. In movies, people drove 48 hours by car to reach another state. Here in the Northeast, however, the states were smaller, closer to each other, and easier to reach.
He burst out laughing when he saw his astonished expression. Eiji glared at him, partly embarrassed by his lack of knowledge and partly annoyed by his reaction. He gave him that death glare that Ash secretly called cute aggression. Eiji’s death glare only made him look more adorable and even younger. That’s why he only started laughing harder.
After a moment, Eiji shut him up by saying, “I’ve never seen you laugh so carefree. I like that side of you. Even if it’s at my expense.”
Eiji was right, of course. He felt more at ease and carefree in Eiji’s company. Eiji always found a reason to smile and found joy in the simplest things. Strolling through Central Park and enjoying the surroundings, without any purpose but just for fun, was a new experience for him. Eiji’s cheerful side and excitement were contagious, so it surprised him that his smile turned genuine, and he caught himself laughing more often. He realized he had never seen New York from a tourist’s perspective. Eiji had teased him when he didn’t know what the Circle Line was, a sightseeing cruise that every tourist knew but that he had never heard of.
“Come on. After all, I promised you a photo spot for a perfect sunset.” He led him along the wooden planks until they reached the waterfront.
Eiji stared at the view in awe. This location offered them a spectacular and panoramic view of Manhattan, just as he had promised Eiji. And tonight, they’d get a perfect sunset without even one tiny cloud in the sky. Eiji stared at the skyline while stunned and speechless, so his mission to cheer him up had succeeded.
“So, have I promised you too much?” he asked, putting an arm around his shoulder. I like to come here if I feel like seeing what the place I live in looks like.”
“Ash, this is amazing! Thanks for taking me here. This place is breathtaking and a perfect photo spot. You’re the best!” Eiji just hugged him out of nowhere. Yet, he didn’t flinch or get scared for the first time. Instead, he felt at ease and instantly returned the hug. It was impressive how Eiji always soothed him with his presence alone.
After that, Eiji took photos of the skyscrapers, the river, and Manhattan with several lenses and different perspectives, zooming in and out and trying various camera features. It took forever, yet he loved watching Eiji being so focused.
“You’re such a nerd,” Ash teased, but he was happy. They took some photos together with Manhattan in the background.
They had to wait another 15 minutes to see the perfect sunset together. Eiji took the opportunity to ask him about today.
“Ash, did you enjoy today? You’re always so focused on my happiness that I worry that you sacrifice your own for my sake.”
Ash looked at him, speechless for a second. It always surprised him that Eiji always worried about him. That was a concept that was new to him. Aside from Shorter, only Eiji worried and cared for him. A small smile escaped him while he looked at Eiji’s eyes, drowning in concern for his well-being.
“Don’t worry, Eiji. It was one of the best days of my life. With you, I can just be myself. I don’t have to hide anything, so I greatly enjoy your company. I’ve never walked through Central Park just for fun. I enjoyed this day with you. The moments I spend with you remind me that humanity can also be beautiful. That there are still genuinely good people in this world who make it worth living. And worth fighting for. You’re living proof of that.”
“Ash…” Eiji looked at him with compassion, overwhelming his soft, brown eyes, and then the precious, radiant smile he so loved danced across his features. The last rays of the sunset were reflected in his eyes, changing them to a dazzling golden color. Ash loved those warm, cheerful eyes that always looked at him in a way that made him feel special and treasured. Eiji awoke sides in him that he had forgotten about a long time ago. Usually, that revelation would scare him to death. However, he felt safe with Eiji, who had already witnessed his worst memories, felt his immense suffering and pain, experienced his darkest moments, and comforted him through his worst nightmares. And despite that, Eiji was still here, by his side.
“Thank you for teaching me about our soulmate skills. I’ll practice and hope to become a more reliable soulmate,” Ash added honestly.
“I enjoyed this day, too. And I feel the same around you. I can just be myself, and you’re always there for me. I’m so glad I came to New York, especially because I met you. You're the best soulmate I could wish for. I feel like I finally belong. I hope we can spend more days like this together.”
Ash just nodded and leaned his head on his while they enjoyed the last rays of the sun. Of course, when the sunset’s peak revealed its most dazzling side, the sun shining in a golden orange color accompanied by a sky in all shades of red, yellow, and pink, Eiji got up to take more photos. When he was finished, Eiji dragged him along, and they took some pictures together with the sunset, highlighting the skyscrapers of Manhattan in the background.
At the end, they just watched the last moments of the sunset, whose light reflected on the skyscrapers’ surface, making it sparkle like a bright star before its light sank and was eventually swallowed by the city line.
At the end of this day, Ash knew two things. He would protect Eiji with everything he had. And no matter what happened, he would never forget this day for as long as he lived.
He had always wondered what happiness felt like. He had never realized, however, that happiness wasn’t just an emotion.
Sometimes, it was a person.