Chapter Text
2. Torso
There is a naked baby on the table. It looks like a boy but Bruce can’t be sure, all babies look the same at first glance. It looked to be less than a year old, have big green eyes, milky white skin and… is that green hair? The baby got some fine green curly hair, the only normal skin color are its plump pink cheeks and pinkish red lips.
The baby turned around to stare at him, curious green eyes wide like a little puppy. Why is this big guy just stood around with his mouth hanging open like an idiot?
Bruce can see that it’s a boy.
The baby boy clapped his hands and giggled happily, as if reading his mind. Bruce is not sure how he should react. Being Batman usually prepared him for something unexpected from his enemy, not from a baby. He just stood there dumbfounded, unsure of what to do in this situation.
The infant got bored and decided to crawl toward the edge of the desk, seeing that there is nothing more to be dropped.
Bruce snapped back to reality when he saw the baby looked down the edge of the table. He got to the table in two quick strides and prevented what will be a baby fruit punch. The infant giggled happily again and make grabby hands in the air.
“Master Bruce, is something the matter…” Alfred trails off when he see a baby in his master’s hold, struggling to keep the wiggling infant from getting out of his big hands. The butler corrected his employer’s hold so the baby ends up sitting in the crook of Bruce’s arm while his other hand hovered uncertainly behind the baby. They just stared at each other for a moment.
Alfred coughs politely while Bruce looks down at the little surprise in his arms, the baby sucked his own thumb innocently, staring up at them.
“It’s not mine…” Bruce muttered.
“I’m not saying he is, sir” Alfred said, looking at the baby and notices something. “Master Bruce! I think the little one might got injured before” the butler takes the infant from Bruce and inspected his back; there is a red spot in a shape of a J on his right shoulder blade, on the baby’s white complexion, it looked like fresh blood.
Baby J squirmed and outstretched his little hands to Bruce making grabby hands at him.
“Blurbsbr! Ahihhh!” he said.
“Oh? Someone is getting attached to you sir. It’s quite rare” Alfred chuckled and handed baby J to the little tyke’s savior.
“So I can assume that he is not mine or yours because none of us got green hair” Bruce said, taking the baby into his arms again.
“Or any other normal person, sir”
“Then we got no clue where this baby come from or who put him here naked. And how did they even get in in the first place?” Bruce regret not installing security cameras first.
“Should we take this baby to the police or you want to search the parent yourself?”
“I think we should just leave this to the police. For now I’m looking after this kid” at this, Alfred raised an eyebrow.
“Pardon me, Master Bruce”
“Yes, Alfred?”
“Do you even happen to have any knowledge in caring for a baby?”
Bruce hesitated, “You just have to feed them?” Alfred sighed again. The baby falls asleep sucking his thumb, “we should call him J”
Alfred nodded, “it fits, sir”
HAHAHA
They tried to feed J after he woke up at 3 a.m. laughing and screaming like a banshee. Alfred made some blended apple and J tossed the bowlful of it into the kitchen counter, splattering himself and his caretakers, laughed the whole time he messed all up.
They checked his makeshift diaper made of face towel and Bruce blanched and threw up in his mouth a little.
They also tried to bath him in the tub at first. J tried to drink the soap, which was prevented, but he successfully squirted it in Bruce’s eyes.
When the baby was bundled in warm blanket and rocked vigorously he did finally sleep. Bruce even played some music, for god sake! It’s a struggle to make him sleep again.
“Well that’s an understatement of the century, sir” Alfred, calm as ever, only cleaned the kitchen counter or wherever the apple juice landed.
Now here is Bruce with demon baby in his arms, in some mall with the latter still swaddled in blanket, gaining many stares from anybody passing by and happen to see them.
He goes to the clothing section first. Oh J also made choosing a clothes for him hell. The baby wanted to pick them himself. So Bruce holds him on the edge of the clothes’. Baby J throws every piece around, colorful onesies from pink to black flung aside until he found a purple onesie that he liked, cooing happily. It has grinning fishes motif and floppy fin ears.
The staffs were giving them stinky eyes but can’t complain at the cuteness after the father put it on his baby. It somehow suit the baby’s green hair and his smile was blinding. The way his pink chubby cheeks bunched up to his eyes was adorable af.
Bruce is feeling self-conscious. He is technically a celebrity and a bachelor but walking with a baby no more than months old.
What if some paparazzis took photos of him and baby J? He never care for the articles and speculations. Even many women with babies that come up to him don’t faze the billionaire that easy. He can just admit that it’s not his child. But the media can get so crazy with stories and that’s only a nuisance to him.
J pulled him out of his reverie by pulling on his cheek, his other hand closing on his lower lip. Bruce looked down to his charge, see baby J smiling brightly, and his heart swell. He give a little smile of his own, adjusting J on his arms until he is satisfied.
Bruce can hear many voices cooing other than baby J and looked around. There are women and teenage girls giggling and waving at them some even take a photo with their cellphone. Bruce feels himself blushing then and walked quickly to the baby and kids’ section of the mall.
This place is full of assorted and colorful kids clothes, cribs, toys, supplies, and accessories. Anything to make everybaby happy and cutesy.
J looks around the colorful displays on the window shops, eyes quickly darting towards a store full of toys. He wiggled, but the big man just keep walking by it, passing the shop completely. “Ba! Ngghyaaaa!” Baby J shakes his little arms, trying to get Bruce’s attention by hitting his dark head furiously.
“J! Calm down!” Bruce panicked when his little charge started screaming. His harpy voice an octave higher. People are staring at them, some in concern or pity, some look at him in suspicion, there is even someone covering his ears. Bruce isn’t so lucky. He tries to rock baby J but only succeeding in making him slip further down. He feels like J is trying to tell him something if his baby babbling is something that he could understand.
Bruce put J down to the floor. He stops screaming. Bruce want to praise the lord at that time, but then the spawn of satan starts crawling in a speed no baby should have. It’s like he is a speed crawler or something; not in Spiderman way but baby crawl way, on his little hands and knees. He slips inside the toy store.
Bruce tried not to curse aloud while he make his way inside the store, trying to find a baby among stuffed dolls and toys. A clerk woman come to greet him loudly, approaching the tailored suits man over a parent with their child that came in first.
“Hello, sir! Welcome to Happy Smiles! We provides you with good to high quality of toys for your kiddies!” Bruce decides he doesn’t like this woman but he stayed with his Bruce Wayne persona. He flashed his playboy smile.
“I’m sorry I seemed to lose my baby in here. Did you see him?” the clerk keep on chattering her teeth. Her wide smile scaring him a little.
“Oh no! I’m sorry I don’t see a kid except for the one girl with her parent over there. She pointed to little girl with blonde pigtails in black and red dress.
“No, not a kid, a baby. Did you saw a baby? He wear purple and have green hair” at the clerk’s blank look, he shook his head “I will search for him myself”
Meanwhile, a certain baby is crawling further into the shop, green eyes wide with wonder. A giggle passes his lips as he looks around curiously at all the toys and stuffed animals. He found a teddy bear to play with before something else catches his eyes. A shiny toy gun on a display small table. Snow globes in many shapes surrounded it. He speed crawled to it.
The toy sits on a table, not too high and low enough to reach if he stands up. Baby J failed to stand the first time, fell on his bum, then he tries again, this time using the table as support.
He let out a triumphant “uh!” as he managed to grab the plastic toy.
That’s when his legs gave out, and the table along with all the toys on it toppled down when he brought the table covering down with him.
Everybody in the store turned at the sounds of glass breaking and clattering. Bruce raced towards the sound. He called little J when he heard a shrill laughter at the back of the shop. The clerk woman walk pass him and Bruce followed. Even the parent and their girl.
They all gasps. Broken glasses of what used to be snow globes surrounded a little baby in slowly soaked purple babygro playing with a toy gun, laughing happily. The clerk almost fainted, the parent looks horrified, the girl looks curious and Bruce quickly dashed to his little trouble. He could see blood coming out sluggishly on baby J’s cheek, when he checked for other injuries, there are also smaller cuts on his left eyebrow, frighteningly close to his eye, and a little one above the previous one. But it was the baby’s right cheek that worries him, it is deep; a straight line from the edge of his mouth almost to his ear. Fortunately not deep enough to need stitches. He also noticed a blue swelling on the forehead. The baby keeps touching the bumps, it is obviously bothering him.
Baby J keeps playing with his toy gun, chewing on the barrel and slamming it to the ground a few times, still giggling.
The parent urged Bruce to take his baby to the hospital to check for internal injuries. He thanked them, writes a check to the clerk to cover up everything that’s broken and rushed to nearest hospital with baby J’s laughs left behind.
End of chapter 2