Chapter Text
Fuck.
Fuck!
There’s blood everywhere and there’s far too much of it for Buck’s liking.
What the hell had just happened? How – fuck – why did this happen? Why had Eddie been the one who was shot? Had he been targeted? Was the shooter actually aiming for someone else, for him, but ended up shooting Eddie instead?
Fuck!
Buck was having a hard time breathing. Here, in the back of an ambulance, Eddie bleeding out; this wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Maybe them sitting together on the bench, but it was never supposed to end up being Eddie laying on a gurney unconscious and Buck half standing, half kneeling over his body, pressing down on Eddie’s bleeding wound like Buck’s life also depended on it. And damn it, maybe it very well did. Because Buck couldn’t see very far past the point of life without Eddie, so maybe both of their lives were at stake.
Shit. No. He couldn’t think like that. Definitely not when Eddie still had a chance. And not when he had Chris to worry about if worse came to worse. Chris might not be his son by blood, but it sure felt that way after all these years of knowing the kid.
“You’re going to be okay, Eddie.” Buck whispered in a choked sob. “You’re going to be okay.
At this point, Buck wasn’t sure if he was just reassuring himself by saying those words or hoping Eddie could hear what he was saying and took it as a sign to fight. Maybe it was both, because to Buck, it seemed like they both needed it.
If anything, though, his own words weren’t very reassuring to himself. In fact, tears had started to fall from Buck’s eyes, tears dropping on to Eddie’s cheeks and mixing with Eddie’s own faux bloody ones.
It was a horrible sight looking down, but Buck was scared that if he closed his eyes or looked away for even a second, that he would lose Eddie and never get him back. So, he kept his eyes on his best friend, his boyfriend, the man he loved more than anything, and let the tears fall faster, his breath hitching.
He’s okay. He’s okay…
Between hyperventilating and trying to maintain adequate pressure on Eddie’s open wound, Buck’s mind was still reeling. Everything had happened so fast, and it was hard to process it all even though it had probably been five minutes and the slick, red wetness of Eddie’s blood pooling across his fingers and staining his sleeves and chest
The bullet hit Eddie, blood splatted and pooled, another shot sounded, he was tackled to the ground, he hid under a firetruck while Eddie laid motionless, he reached for Eddie and brought him to safety, all before loading him in the ambulance and having paramedics frenzy around Eddie in hopes of keeping him alive long enough to reach the hospital.
This shouldn’t have happened. This wasn’t supposed to happen. It was all wrong.
This wasn’t like the first time they were in the back of an ambulance together. Even though in that instance they weren’t one-hundred percent sure that they were going to make it out alive either, but at least he and Eddie had been on the same playing field. Now it was only a matter of life or death for Eddie and only Eddie, and Buck couldn’t do anything about that, and he hated himself because of it. They were supposed to have each other’s backs, like with the grenade. It was supposed to be fifty-fifty. It wasn’t supposed to be Eddie pulling most of the weight in that department. They were a team and Buck couldn’t help but feel like he had just let his partner down.
“Eddie. I’m sorry,” Buck cried, leaning his head down to rest on Eddie’s chest, ignoring the blood completely. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
The sound of Eddie’s faint heartbeat did nearly nothing to calm his nerves. Yes, he could hear it. He could still hear Eddie’s heart, but with how slow and unsteady it sounded, Buck couldn’t help but feel like each beat was counting down towards something, and he didn’t know if that was good or bad.
“Hang in there, Eddie. I’ve got you.”
Buck lifted his head off of Eddie’s chest, one hand still pressing down on the gunshot wound, and raised his free hand to push a loose strand of bloodied hair out of Eddie’s face.
It hurt to look at Eddie like this. And for more reason than one. The paling of his skin was downright terrifying because it made Eddie look like a corpse, and that was something Buck never wanted to see. Looking at Eddie as he was also made Buck feel like a failure. Realistically he couldn’t protect Eddie 24/7, but he wanted to be able to. To make sure something like this never happens again. Though, with them being firefighters, that was a tough thing to do. There would always be some kind of danger looming over them, the threat of being hurt again. Buck knew that that was true more deeply than he wished too.
Buck looked away from Eddie for just a second, calling out to the driver. “How much longer? Are we almost there?”
“Just around the corner. Pulling up in less than ten.”
And that was good. That relieved Buck if only in the slightest. Because Eddie would be okay. They were at the hospital and Eddie was still alive. He was breathing. He was also bleeding, but he was still breathing. And that was good. The breathing, not the bleeding. But Eddie was okay. He was. He had to be, or Buck most certainly wouldn’t be.
He focused back on Eddie again, taking in the beautifully horrific mess that his boyfriend was currently.
Alive.
“You’re okay, Eddie.” Buck whispered. “I’ve got you. You’re stuck with me. I’ve got you.”
Bucked leaned down and kissed Eddie’s forehead just as the ambulance pulled up to the hospital.