Chapter Text
After breakfast James went to air the bedroom and change the sheets as Alec took Q to the sofa in the living room. There the agent swiftly removed the old bandage from the boffin’s foot and gently rub some arnica oil on the injured area. His light touch, incredibly tender for a man with a license to kill, barely caused any pain and Q visibly relaxed on the couch.
By the time James came back, Alec was finishing medicating Q’s injury. The blue eyed man joined his lovers on the sofa, nudging Q till the boffin sat up so that he could take a seat behind him. He let the younger man lean back against his chest, one hand absentmindedly going to run through silky brown hair.
Q sighed contently at James’ ministrations. That simple act had always managed to soothe him. The boffin knew that it was time to discuss the fight they had the night he came home sick from the office but just thinking about that made him nervous. His lovers would have probably waited till he was fully healed to breach the subject, but he couldn’t wait any longer. He wanted to apologize for worrying them but at the same time he was anxious about explaining his reasons to them. He had told James and Alec very little about his past. Only sparse bits of information but he never talked fully about his childhood or the life he led before joining the MI6. It was something he didn’t like to reminiscent, but he knew that he would have to in order to make his lovers understand where his behaviour had originated from.
He watched distractedly as Alec put the medical kit he had used on the coffee table before settling back and brushing a gentle hand on the fresh bandaging on Q’s ankle. The contented silence that surrounded them pushed Q to speak.
“I think I own you an apology.”
Q’s eyes were fixed on his folded hand resting on his lap but he could feel his lovers’ gazes on him.
“I didn’t mean to worry you. I honestly thought that it was nothing a good night rest wouldn’t have cured. I know that’s not an excuse and that I should have taken better care of myself but I was so behind on my deadlines that I focused solely on getting the job done. I’ve never left a project incomplete before and I didn’t want to start then. This job is very important to me. It gave me you two and I can’t risk to be replaced. That’s why I put everything I have making sure that every mission has the best support, each agent the best equipment, each gadget the best technology and each project is completed in time. My work has to be spotless. After the Silva fiasco many of the higher-ups wanted to fire me. In their opinion I lacked the experience for such an important role, but Mallory fought against their judgement. Ever since I’ve pushed myself to work harder in order not to have to face something like that again. I can’t lose this job. I-I can’t fail.”
Q could feel himself starting to crack when a hand gently lifted his head and he was met by a pair of soulful green eyes.
“Lyubov, you’re the best Quartermaster that the MI6 has ever had. Nobody is foolish enough to fire you. Your work speaks for itself, so you have to relax a bit. You’re going to burn yourself out if you continue to push your body and your mind like this.”
James’ arms sneaked around his chest and locked him in a firm hug, the agent’s face came to rest on the boffin’s shoulder as he spoke.
“This was a warning that your body sent you. You need to take a rest, darling.”
Q shook his head “The deadlines...”
“The deadlines” interrupted James “can sometimes be overlooked. No one expect you to do the impossible. Emergencies has to take priority over everything else. Our missions are fundamental in the safety of our Country and they always come first over every other project. You had to deal with a number of these emergencies in the last couple of weeks, I’m sure M would have understood the need to put the projects aside to deal with matters of national security. What he wouldn’t tolerate is for you to neglect your health over something that’s not of top priority. M needs you, MI6 needs you and you must be in top form to continue protecting us and the entire United Kingdom from the shadows.”
James nuzzled Q’s neck, peppering the skin with kisses. Q thought about what his lovers had just told him and he understood their reasoning. It ashamed him that his insecurities got the better of him to that point.
“You’re both right. It’s just that...it’s something new for me to have someone caring for me again. Before coming to work for MI6 I was a total loner; I didn’t approached anybody and no one approached me for a friendship. I learned from an early age that people can be utterly cruel and I learned very fast to count only on myself. Now, though, I have you two in my life and I know you care for me like I care for you, but sometimes it’s hard breaking old habits. My past shaped me, not in the best way maybe, but this way I survived what the life threw at me. I know we don’t talk about our past very much, if never. We like best to focus only on our present and our future, but I have to explain. Maybe opening up will help me change my bad habits and it might help you understand me better.”
Q felt James’ arms tightened around him and Alec squeezed his tight reassuringly.
“You don’t have to talk, but since you seems so intent in sharing this with us just know that we’re here for you. Nothing you’ll say will ever change our feelings for you.”
Alec looked at him straight in the eyes as he said those words and Q nodded, his chest warm with the knowledge that his lovers would understand. He sagged a bit into James’ embrace as he gathered the strength to begin his story.
“When I was seven my parents died. We were coming home from a restaurant, it was raining heavily and a car speeding in the opposite direction lost control and hit us . My mother died on impact. My father survived the accident but he was in critical conditions. He lived for another week before his heart gave out. I never got to say goodbye. I had hit my head pretty badly in the crash and had fallen into a coma. Other than that I had only broken a leg and a couple of ribs. I was lucky I guess. I stayed unconscious for a month. When I woke up I was told that my parents had died and that someone would come by to pick me up when I was healed enough. I had missed the funeral.”
Q blinked away the tears that threatened to fall down. Remembering the incident that took his parents away from him was always a painful experience. He felt his lovers comforting him, not with words but with loving touches. Alec had started to lightly caress his ankle while James gently rubbed a thumb across his stomach. Q was thankful for the silent support his lovers were giving him and steeled himself to continue his tale.
Alec and James shared a sympathetic look over Q’s head. They both were familiar with the ache caused by the loss of a loved one. What made them feeling worse was the fact that their young lover was a sensitive person. One wouldn’t know that particular fact since the boffin always appeared to act aloof and distant at work and interacting with others, but the few people that managed to push past the barriers that the young genius had created around his heart could attest that he was quite emotional. The origin of a such reserved behaviour surely had to have its roots in the death of his parents and whatever had happened after that.
Their musings were interrupted when Q started to speak again.
“Two weeks later I was discharged and put in the care of Social Services. I didn’t have anyone to take me in. No relatives, no family friends. I was all alone. They put me in the foster care system. I wasn’t young enough to be adopted easily. I spent the next seven years being moved from foster family to foster family. I wasn’t a problematic child, but my intelligence was challenging. I was bullied for my scrawny appearance and for the fact that I liked books better than people. I spent the majority of my time alone. The other children liked to pick on me so I started developing my snarky side to deal with them. When no one of the foster families expressed an interest in keeping me and I reached thirteen years old I was sent to a children’s home. Life there was worse. There were only boys my age or older and I became a target pretty soon. My food would sometimes disappeared or be tossed to the floor before I could eat it. The few personal objects that I got to keep with me were often ruined. The people running that institute didn’t care what happened as long as we didn’t end up too badly hurt, which I never did thankfully.”
Q felt the tension and the rage radiate from both James and Alec as he recalled those years.
“If we could we would make all them pay for the way they treated you” growled Alec, looking straight at Q. The boffin saw the fire burning in those emerald eyes and he felt a rush of affection toward the Russian.
“No one is ever going to hurt you like that ever again, we’ll make sure of it!” added James, tightening his hold around the younger man. Q turned his head to look at James and bumped his nose on the blonde’s chin as a thank you.
“Thank God those days were nearing the end” Q continued “When I turned fifteen I was given the money that had belonged to my parents. It was a bit of a irregularity but since I had graduated from high school earlier than my peers and I was already enrolled into Cambridge University with a full scholarship I was considered able to sustain myself without the need to stay at the institute so I was given my money. I left the very same day. The first thing I did as soon as I was on my own was to buy a computer. I always loved to use them in school and owning one gave me the opportunity to learn more about them. Needless to say that I took to it like a fish takes to water.”
Q smiled remembering that old thing that had helped him create the basis for his current life.
He felt James chuckle.
“It must have been traumatic when you had to bin it. First love is always hard to forget!”
Q squawked indignantly.
“Who said that I have thrown it away? I still have that computer. At the moment I’m keeping it safely storaged in one of the safes at work. It will stay there till I figure where to put it in our flat.”
Alec looked at him incredulously before bursting into a heartfelt laugh.
“Only you, kotyonok, would keep a piece of dead technology as a keepsake”
Q kicked him with his uninjured leg, but the Russian kept chuckling. Q rolled his eyes as James joined his partner in crime in his mirth.
“Anyway, soon enough I became pretty handy with coding, encrypting and hacking and my name was one of the most known between hackers. I had started to lend my talent to companies wanting to strengthened their security; they paid well and I needed the money. At that point my life was spent between finishing my masters in Mechanical and Computer Systems Engineering and my hacker career. I had nor the time nor the need to socialize with others. All my time was dedicated to my work. That’s when I developed the habit of skipping meals and pushing my body to its limits. I often got so lost in what I was doing that I completely forgot that I had needs. Sometimes I would even pass out from exhaustion and dehydration and no one ever worried about me. I had many contacts but no friends and as long as my work was done on time there wasn’t a problem.”
Alec glared at him and he could feel James’ chiding glare on the back of his head. He shrugged guiltily and went on with his story.
“One day I received an offer from MI6. Apparently my work had managed to caught the eye of none other than M. She was interested in my skills and wanted to shape me into old Boothroyd’s successor. The idea of making a career in espionage was alluring and I accepted immediately. That decision changed my life. I started to actually talk to people though I still kept a safe distance from any sort of social relationship. I slowly started to climb the ladder and before I knew it I was promoted to R. Then there was the bombing orchestrated by Silva and I suddenly found myself as Head of Q Branch following the death of the late Quartermaster. Not a week later I met you James.”
Q shifted his head to look at James and smile at him. The blond man didn’t hesitate as he returned the gesture before kissing the boffin’s temple.
“You were the most cocky person I’ve ever met but I found myself incredibly drawn to you. I found myself trusting you implicitly. Never before I had felt that way with someone, let alone someone I’d just met. Your peculiarity intrigued me and I started to think about you more and more as the days passed. You quickly became an assiduous visitor in my branch whenever you were grounded in between missions. I actually came to look forward to your visits. But you weren’t the only one wanting to spend time with me. Bill and Eve started to come down to keep me company; they wanted to chat or eat lunch together. They were sincerely interesting in knowing me. I guess Skyfall created a bond between us. Even Mallory sometimes called me to ask mundane things like how I was doing or if I wanted to drink a cup of tea with him. It was during those months that I started to remember what it feels like to have people genuinely caring for you and I could say that I cared for them too. I started to see them as family, albeit a really dysfunctional one at that. Bill and Eve were like the older siblings I had never had and M like an uncle, but you James, you were something more. I realized that I had started to fall in love with you. Fast and hard. When I was in your presence it was difficult to maintain my professional persona especially when you started to flirt with me. I was gathering up my courage to talk to you when Alec returned from his undercover mission.”
At this Q gazed at the man sitting in front of him. Alec grinned wolfly, winking at him and the boffin rolled his eyes even though a smile graced his lips.
“I was crestfallen when Bill told me that you two were lovers and my heart nearly broke at the thought that you James had flirted with me just to pass the time. But when you didn’t stop with your advances I became confused. Only after Alec started to flirt too I let my hopes rise. It didn’t take much to fall for you Alec, you’re simply irresistible when you put your mind into it. I guess my starved heart clang to every bit of affection that was thrown my way, but nonetheless I was overjoyed when you asked me to became part of your life. I feel incredibly lucky to have you two in my life and I’m sorry for the way I shouted at you the other night. It seems that the stress made me regress to my old habits and that’s entirely my fault. I should have known better than that. I-”
“Stop right there, love”
James tightened his hold on Q, causing the younger man to look a him.
“You may have overreacted but so did we so you don’t need to take all the blame. We are all responsible for the fight. Learning about your past changed my or I should say our perspective on your habits and helped us understand you better. Just listening to how you grew up made me think about my past. I know you have probably read it in my file so me being an orphan is nothing new. Same thing for Alec. You, me and Alec we have suffered in a similar way in the past. That’s something that not everyone can understand. It’s like we were fated to be together. Like some sort of gift for the misery we’ve been put through. We are sort of like a puzzle that can be completed only by linking the three of us. With you we finally feel whole.”
Alec chose that moment to jump into the conversation. He looked sincerely at his boffin.
“You scared us. I know it’s stupid but knowing that you won’t hesitated to push your body and your mind beyond their limits worry us. We don’t want to lose you. I was not angry because you got caught in the rain or because you got sick. I was angry because you didn’t deem your health important. I know neither me nor James are the best when it comes to take care of ourselves, but our job is risky and we’ve accepted it. Getting shot, being knifed or caught in an explosion, it’s all part of the deal. I know you yell at us everytime we do something that results in an injury, but we know how it works out there in the field and we know when we can risk it and when it’s best to retreat. What we won’t accept is you getting hurt unnecessarily. You can’t understand how relieve I am on missions knowing that you’re here, safe.”
Alec looked down as his hands clenched into fists.
“You have to take better care, kotyonok. The mere idea of losing yo-“
Gentle hands on his face interrupted him. He let those warm palms turn his head till he met Q’s misty-eyed gaze. The boffin was kneeling in front of him, shoulders shuddering and injured ankle momentarily forgotten at his lover’s distress. He blinked and the tears that were held captive in his beautiful eyes started to slowly slide down his cheeks. Q let go of Alec’s face and linked his arms behind the Russian’s neck, burying his face in the crook of his neck. Alec automatically twisted his body to wrap his arms around the lithe body of his younger lover.
“I’m sorry. God I’m so sorry.”
Q took a hitching breath.
“I promise this won’t happen again. I don’t want to worry you, either of you. The mere idea of you getting hurt for not being alert in the field because you’re worried about me kills me. I-” he exhaled shakily, raising his head to look at Alec. “I won’t have that.” A hand brushing through his hair alerted him that James had moved closer. He unlocked one arm from around Alec and turned to James. He grasped a fistful of the blonde’s T-shirt as his head was guided to rest on the blonde’s firm chest, fingers gently massaging his scalp.
“That’s what we ask, darling. You have Alec and I and I’m sure Moneypenny and Tanner will keep an eye on you when we’re not around.”
“I think even M would be glad to kick you out of your branch if you start to overwork again.” Alec added, a smile back on his face. The two agents coaxed Q back into a sitting position when they caught the boffin grimacing; his sore ankle still bent uncomfortably on the sofa.
James resumed his previous position, cradling Q to his chest, but there was still a thing that was troubling him.