Chapter Text
Karnak :
" Alas, if only you hadn't burned off those three questions right at the top... "
"He sounds soo sorry.," Ocean huffed sarcastically under her breath, frowning as she glared at the screen. Constance patted her gently on the back, but she only gave her a short glance before looking back.
Ocean:
" It's just... when you tie the room together, Constance is going to seem like the natural choice for that slot! "
Ocean giggled nervously as she grabbed Constance by the shoulders, as if she was offering a prize to the machine.
"You're using Constance as your scape goat?" Penny huffed, a slightly annoyed look on her face as she looked towards Ocean. Not even her brother gets on her nerves this much, and he's constantly selling his ADHD medicine to college kids.
Constance:
" You want me to go first? "
Ocean:
" Oh! If you insist. Mr. Whatever, Constance and I are going to tradesies! "
Ocean hurriedly pushed Constance to the machine, ignoring her "friend's" protests and smiling proudly as she put her hands behind her back.
"I- what?" Noel squinted at the screen, trying to make since of how Constance ended up offering to go up.
"The hell is she on?"
"Constance totally did not agree to that but okay..."
"Bitch, she's smiling like she's Swiper from Dora."
"No, she is actually the damn fox, give her an opportunity and she'll snatch shit up."
Karnak:
" No tradesies. "
Constance quickly pointed at Karnak as if to say, 'he said it, not me.'
People laughed out loud.
"Noo... Imagine that!"
"Ocean not getting what she wants for the first time in forever, not clickbait!"
"Suddenly, Karnak isn't that bad!"
"Karnak not taking Ocean's shit is such a memorable moment," Ricky's AAC device rang out, making everyone laugh harder. Even Constance giggled behind her hand at the jokes but immediately stopped when the red head in question turned to her angrily.
Ocean:
" I'm happy about that actually! Sure, I'll go first. I just wanna say two things. I don't know how it is in your culture? "
"In his culture, huh?" Mischa hummed, scoffing to himself. "You do know he's a robot, yes?"
"Of course, I know that I'm not an idiot! I just don't know if he relates with Christian nature or one of the many other beliefs like Buddhism! I'm not being stereotypical here." Ocean defended herself, looking towards Constance for help. "C'mon Connie, back me up here!"
Constance stuttered, looking between Ocean and Mischa, "I-I, uh..." She looked at the ground.
" But in ours, playing games where people's lives are on the table... super illegal. Second, I really love your turban! It really brings out your eyes. "
Funky music starts to play as Ocean walks up to the platform besides Karnak, a spotlight shining on her as she smirked, bouncing side to side with her hands behind her back.
Karnak:
" Ocean O'Connell Rosenburg, born December twenty-second. Capricorn, the ambitious nature. "
Ocean pushed down the lever, baby pictures of her showing up behind her.
" Favorite ride? The bumper cars. Ocean was born into a family of far left of center humanists, who moved to Northern Saskatchewan to live a carbon free lifestyle. The hemp needle point sign above the household's toilet read, 'if it's yellow let it mellow. If it's brown, scoop out up with your hand and put it into the compost.' "
Ocean scrunched her face in disgust before running over to Mischa and Jane, who are "playing" as her parents.
"Disgusting..."
"The way I would genuinely sob if I saw that."
"Is that why she's so weird? Because she fucking lives like that?"
Ocean wanted to speak up, say that she wasn't weird, but couldn't bring herself to do so. She sufficed with turning around and glaring at everyone.
" Yet, in between all the drum circles, Marxist parables, and cheese sandwiches made from human breast milk-"
"BREAST MILK?"
"I'm... I'm actually speechless. Just- why?" Noel, cringed, covering his face with his hands.
" Ocean could never shake the feeling she was the white sheep of the family. "
Ocean ran around her parents, failing her arms and jumping to get their attention. When they finally acknowledged her, they offered her pot, which she refused.
" It was only at the age of eight when she found amongst her parents record collection, an album called Up with People. "
The stage curtain opens up to Constance, Ricky, and Noel dancing while Ocean hugs the record to her chest.
" The cloying positivity of this pro-capitalist gaggle of teen pruners brought tears to her eyes. Perhaps the peppiest thing Holberton has ever produced. High School president, straight A student, Ocean O'Connell Rosenburg, the most successful girl in town. "
Ocean:
" Judges, student body, colleagues, friends, ominous novelty machine. I had a speech prepared for this very occasion, but I simply cannot read it! "
Ocean tears up the paper she was reading from as she walked to the center of the stage.
Mischa:
" How can she have speech for this? "
Noel put his hands up in defeat, seemingly done with Ocean's antics.
"Nah, Mischa's asking the real questions here."
"Maybe she's just autistic..."
Ocean:
" I am just going to speak from my heart. I've known most of these folks since pre-K, I love them all. "
Ocean ran off to quickly grab Constance, who was sitting next to Jane Doe while she stared at her.
" Constance Blackwood, my best friend forever, My BFF! "
Constance:
" Ocean she's looking at- "
Ocean:
" Don't interrupt, sweetie! "
"Oh hell no."
"The way I would've swung so fast..."
"Constance needs to speak up dude."
Constance cringed at the clammer around her. Ocean really wasn't all that bad. She was just... specially creative!
" Constance is the salt of the earth, our Mary Mainstreet looking for her Joe sixpack.!"
Ocean guides her away from the center.
" Sure, she has some serious self-esteem issues, why wouldn't she? "
"Why WOULDN'T she?"
"Constance needs some new friends cause what the fuck."
"Constance is so much better than me bro I would've started swinging after the first ten minutes."
" Look, I've seen enough reality TV to get what you want us to do here. Who's the best? Sure. Grades, humanitarian efforts, extracurricular activities, spiritual mastery of both Judaism and Catholicism, nailed my confirmation at Ba Mitzva in the same week, and I am not even bragging about that because it is against my Buddhist beliefs! "
"Huh?"
"Is... Is that even how it works?"
"She's trying so hard to not let cancel culture get to her."
"She is talking so goddamn much."
" I am the best, by any metric of society, I get that. But if that is how worth is measured, I want no part in it! Look, some of us are leftwing, some of us are rightwing, but the last time I checked it takes two wings to fly! "
Ocean puts her left arm out, then her right and flaps her arms like a bird.
" We are community, we are family, we are the world! "
A wrong buzzer sound and defeat music played after that dramatically long speech.
Karnak:
" Ocean O'Connell Rosenburg heroically concedes. "
"Oh?"
"Karnak said he wasn't dealing with her no more."
Ocean:
" She does what? "
Ocean quickly looked at the machine with fear in her eyes.
Karnak:
" I respect you taking the moral high ground! Next. "
Ocean:
" But I was just trying to prove to you that I'm a good person! "
Karnak:
" Dually noted, next. "
Ocean:
Nuh-no!
"Oh my gosh..."
"Is she actually breaking into song right now?"
"No shot she's gonna have some foul lyrics."
" I am urging you to make the responsible choice here. For the betterment of humanity. "
Ocean:
What the world needs is people like me, to keep it all spinnin' around. I'm the mover, I'm the shaker, I'm the headline-maker. Mmm, I get up, I get up... And no one's gonna keep me down.
She spins around in a circle as she points her fingers from her eyes to her face, like she's trying to threaten everyone else that she's watching them.
Okay it's clear, I'm the top of this class! These folks here? Well, they pump the gas!
Ocean makes a motion similar to starting up a chainsaw before laying her and out.
Fetch me a coffee, shine my shoes, some of us are winners some are born to lose! Y ou've got the sandwich artist-
She points to Noel and a light shines on him as he is pulled up from the spot he was sitting in to stand.
The security guard-
She raises her hand to the other side and a light shines on Ricky, who poses with his fists on his hips.
The Walmart greeter with an overdrawn credit card!
Ocean "pulls in" Jane by an invisible rope and she slowly stands up with each "pull" of the rope.
He smokes Ganja ooh it's so groovy to stay at home and watch another Will Smith movie.
The light lands on Mischa and he does the smoldering dance for reference before he's back to normal.
"The way she acts like her parents aren't ACTUAL drug addicts are beyond me." A girl scoffed, already tired of this.
"Uhm? That was a little too far, yeah?"
"Nope. Besides she needs a reality check."
Ocean felt her eyes water, maybe from embarrassment or maybe from disappointment, but she quickly wiped them away. Instead, trying to focus on her song. It was about her after all.
She serves me coke and a medium fries, and no thanks, I don't want it supersized.
Constance skipped around her, handing her a plastic cup.
'Cause that's low-class! Diabetes in a cup!
Ocean threw the cup behind her, and everyone got into places behind Ocean in a format of a pyramid, holding up fans with her face on it.
Keep your head down and things will look up!
Choir:
What the world needs is people like me to keep it all spinning around! I'm the mover, I'm the shaker, I'm the headline-maker,
Ocean:
Mmh, I get up,
Constance:
She gets up!
Constance sang in the middle of the background choreo from besides her fan.
Ocean:
I get up! And no one's gonna keep me down.
They all run into a line, Mischa and Ocean at the front.
Seriously?
She skips up to Mischa, putting her arm on his shoulder while he stands with his hands in front of him.
This one here he's raring to fail! He'll rob a seven-eleven and go straight to jail! Maybe steal hubcaps, maybe steal booze? Expressing himself with his homemade tattoos!
Mischa rolled his eyes but didn't say anything. He was clearly done with this and just wanted to get this shit over with. He tried to check his phone but for some reason it wouldn't turn on.
"That is such a stereotype..."
"Yeah... but can we really assume Mischa wouldn't do that?"
"To not rob a liquor store? He's most likely to go for weed than drinks..."
"He stole communion wine; you really think he likes weed more?"
"It was for my cousin's birthday." Mischa grumbled, crossing his arms as he leaned back into his seat.
Ocean went over to Constance, who was happily bouncing along to the song, much like she is now.'
Soccer mom, minivan. Four little brats, no steady man! Do we really need another organ donor? Maybe that was a little harsh... Love you!
"BITCH?"
"No way she just said that..."
"To Constance? Fucking really Ocean?" Noel snapped, turning to Ocean with a heated glare. She didn't do anything but shrug her shoulders.
"I mean, it's not like I'm wrong!"
"Wait what? What weren't you wrong about Ocean?" Constance asked, not hearing most of the conversation.
Noel started to speak, but Ocean quickly cut him off. "Oh, nothing Connie!"
Ocean quickly ran up to Ricky, putting a hand on his chest as he looked at her in confusion.
Ricky frowned. He had a feeling he knew how bad this was going to end up.
Oh! Angry birds? Candy Crush? He's a real sweet kid but his brains are mushed! And what's he gonna do solve a Rubik's cube?
Ocean put her hands around her mouth as she stepped away from Ricky.
How long's he got if we feed him through a tube?
The whole room erupted into gasps and shouts.
"OH MY FUCKING GOD?"
"That has to be ableist."
"That shit is not okay."
"What did I say? I new she was controversial!"
"This is why we hit gingers guys!"
"What the actual hell!?" Penny gasped, quickly covering her mouth with her hands. She took a glance at Ricky, who's mouth was agape as he stared at the screen.
Even Constance looked shocked as she looked at Ocean.
Ocean, very obviously did not look or feel sorry at all, but when she looked at Constance... She did feel a tiny bit of guilt, but that was only because it was Constance. You have to feel sorry for her whenever she's uncomfortable!
Choir:
What the world needs is people like me to keep it all spinning around! I'm the mover, I'm the shaker, I'm the headline-maker,
Ocean:
Mmh, I get up,
Choir (-Ocean):
She gets up!
Ocean:
I get up! And no one's gonna keep me down!
Ocean skips over to the side while the other all dance in a corner.
Ocean (Others):
And as we move through lines to find our place in the crowd! (Ooh, ooh ooh...)
Choir (-Ocean):
Some don't make the cut that's crystal clear!
Ocean dances in her spot pumping her arms to her chest and swinging them in a circle.
"What the hell is she doing..."
"Is this the "acceptable" form of dancing?"
Ocean (Others):
Oh yes, oh yes! Isn't someone keeping score? I've gotta say this out loud? I mean, do we really need another zero?! (Do we really need another zero?)
The choir all run into a line behind Ocean.
Choir:
Or zero?
Ocean points at Ricky and he lifts his arms up to make a zero as she moves down the line.
Or zero?
She points at Noel as she goes down, and he does the same as Ricky.
Or zero?
Ocean points at Mischa, and he does the same as Ricky.
Or zero?
She points at Jane and Constance at the same time as she jumps onto the platform next to Karnak.
Ocean:
Add 'em all up and you'll still get zero! What you really need is a fother muckin' hero!
Ocean hits her chest and kicks her leg in the air as the others all line up.
"Please just curse it's not that hard."
"That's what she said-"
"Shut up."
Choir (-Ocean):
Oh, oh !
Ocean:
He'll never learn to read!
She points at Ricky, who dances before skipping out of line.
"When will she stop..."
"He obviously knows how to read though. I mean it's not like we actually have a learning thing for special needs."
"Hell. We live in such a dead town that barely anyone has any learning difficulties."
"Isn't that like... a good thing?"
"Maybe if we weren't stuck in the middle of fucking nowhere. I need some diversity."
Choir (-Ocean) :
And oh, oh!
Ocean:
He's never gonna breed!
She points at Noel who is next in line. He smirks and poses before leaving the line, giving Ocean a glare.
"But he's like... gay."
"That's the point idiot."
Choir (-Ocean):
And oh, oh!
Ocean:
Going to jail guaranteed!
Mischa throws up a peace sign as he moves out the line.
Choir (-Jane):
And she's a freaky monster!
They all point at Jane, who stands in the middle of the stage before they all gather back up into the pyramid formation they've been doing the whole song.
Choir (-Ocean):
Yes, there's a problem-
Ocean:
I'm the solution! Darwin had a theory called?
"Solution? You're the cause of the problem..."
"Leave Darwin out of this man."
"The problem is that she hasn't been put in her place yet."
Choir (-Ocean):
Evolution!
Ocean:
He put it into words but it's plain to see, you need a little less of them a little more of me!
Ocean, (Ricky & Mischa) [Noel, Jane, & Constance]:
Me! Mee! Me, me, me! Ohh-oh! A little more me! I get up, I get up! (What the world needs is people like me, to keep it all spinning around! I'm the mover, I'm the shaker, I'm the headline maker mmm, she gets up! She gets up!) [We can't all be heroes- No! Most of us? Zero-ohs. Some fly high! She gets up, she gets up!]
They all sing as Mischa and Noel carry Ocean by her feet and spin in a circle while the rest of the choir dances around them.
"I hope I drop her." Mischa commented, smirking at the thought of Ocean falling in front of the whole school. Noel chuckled at his comment, and it made his smile grow for some reason.
They put Ocean down on the floor as they made it around into two circles, the guys lining up and kneeling on the ground. Jane and Constance climb on top of them while Ocean skips behind them all to hop onto a box.
"Is that a goddamn human pyramid?"
"What the hell."
"No fucking way."
Ocean, (others):
And no one's gonna keep me down! (Some stay down!) Down!
Ocean stands on top of them, pumping her fist into the air as a large spotlight lands on her while the song ends.
"I hated every second of that," Noel huffed, flipping the screen off as it was paused on Ocean on top of them all, looking so proud of herself.