Chapter Text
He needed to get out of there. Regulus had already been on the fence about attending this party but he hadn’t missed any of Slughorn’s other events this year and he wasn’t about to start now. He wouldn’t have come if he had known about the fountain.
In theory, he thought it was a nice touch. It was cheesy of course but the whole holiday was a bit over-the-top so it was fitting. In practice, he hated it. He hated it because even before it hit him he knew exactly what it was that he would be smelling. Or rather who .
Lily Evans smelled like flowers in the spring. She smelled like autumn leaves and worn jumpers. She smelled like the wind in winter. She smelled like wax candles and she felt like firelight. She smelled like a field of grass. She smelled like a waterfall streaming into a pond. She smelled like a forest and she smelled like sugar cookies. As soon as the potion hit him, so did the memories. They crashed into him like waves against a cliff.
The problem with Lily Evans was that she was addictive. Once, Regulus had been given a small piece of her. From then on, he never seemed to be able to get enough of her. Everytime he laid eyes on her he wanted more . But no, he wasn’t allowed to have her. She deserved everything but all that he had to offer her was nothing.
He shouldn’t have looked over to her when he smelled the Amortentia. He shouldn’t have known where to look at all but he had a habit of keeping track of her. It made him feel better to know where she was, that she was safe. He looked over to her and watched as a series of expressions overtook her face. She was so expressive, she didn’t try to hide her emotions, she just felt . Regulus both loved and envied that about her.
He looked away as quickly as he could bring himself to and distracted himself by listening to Evan. Regulus wasn’t entirely sure what he was talking about but he was complaining about something. He replied when he needed to but focused the majority of his attention on listening in hopes of distracting himself from Lily Evans.
But the smell of Amortentia still wafted throughout the room and it was considerably difficult not to think of her when being assaulted by an onslaught of reminds of her. He had no choice but to excuse himself from Evan and leave the room as quickly as possible.
He pulled on his tie and quickened his pace as he left the party behind and walked as quickly as he could outside. Only once he was outside did he allow himself to breathe. Something felt off though. He looked over his shoulder and closed his eyes with a sharp intake of breath when he saw who was standing behind him.
He didn’t say anything, hoping that he was just imagining her there or if he was quiet she would go away. Neither of those hopes ended up working out for him.
“Regulus,” the sound of her voice made him want to shiver but he refused to move a muscle, afraid that the slightest thing would be too much.
“Regulus,” she repeated. He could hear her take a step closer to him. Then another, and another. He still didn’t move.
“Regulus,” she whispered. He could feel her breath tickling the skin of his neck
Despite his better judgment, he spoke, “You should go,” he said.
He could hear the frown in her voice, “Why?”
“You know why.”
She huffed, “I won’t.”
Regulus didn’t have anything to say to that. Lily Evans was nothing if not steadfast. She walked around to gave him but before he could get a glimpse of her he closed his eyes.
“Look at me,” she said. Regulus didn’t respond. “Regulus, look at me.”
“I shouldn’t.”
“And why’s that?” she questioned.
“Because I want to,” he answered truthfully.
She paused, “Why didn’t you answer my letters?”
“Because I wanted to.”
She laughed. It wasn't how she usually laughed though. This laugh was sharp and choked. “Why did you break up with me?”
Regulus didn’t answer that.
“The Amortentia,” she took a breath, “It was you.”
Regulus opened his eyes to find tears in her’s.
“It’ll always be you Regulus.”
He couldn’t help himself, he pulled her to his chest and rested his head on the top of hers. He felt her body shake as she gasped out a sob.
“I’m sorry,” he said, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” With each apology he brushed a soft kiss to her hair.
“Why?” she asked again, still shaking.
Regulus couldn’t stand to hurt her but he would hurt her no matter how he answered that question. He figured if he was going to hurt her anyway he might as well tell the truth.
“I can’t Lily. My family would never let me be with you,” he said. “They would kill you.”
She sniffed, “Why does that matter?”
“Because I don’t want you to die.”
“I feel like I am .”
He held her tighter and pressed another kiss to her head, “It was you. For me it was you too, the Amortentia.”
This only greatened her sadness and another sob racked its way through her body. A muffled, “Leave,” came from her.
“I can’t,” he said.
“Why not?” she asked.
The truth to that was something he promised never to tell anyone so he didn’t bother answering that question. “I’m sorry,” he said instead. He never would be able to tell her quite how sorry he was.