Chapter Text
"Hello Dean"
This couldn't be happening.... no.... this must be a dream....
Dean was frozed, again, he could turn around, what if it wasn't true? what if he wasn't actually there? He was too scared of getting his hopes up again.
"Dean?" He heared him say again. It was him, his voice.
Dean finally turned around only to see him again, standing there, smiling at him. It was really him.
Before he could realized he was walking fast towards him, he stopped when he was too close to him, afraid he would dissapear again. Dean huged him, burrying his face into the man's neck, he was crying again, he didn't mean to but he was. Cas huged him back holding him from his waist, and they just stayed there, in silence. Dean didn't need more, this was all he ever wanted.
Dean broke the hug but didn't separated too much from the person in front of him, keeping his hands on the man's shoulders, Cas didn't move either.
"Is it really you? how? when? I-" Dean didn't really know what to say, his heart was beating fast and he could really think straight "Holy fuck you have taken too long." He just said, and then he huged him again.
"I'm happy to see you too Dean" Cas said, and then they stayed there, for what seemed to be an eternity. Until Dean broke the hug again, this time, taking some steps back to look better at him.
"Do you want a beer or something? come here, we'll talk" He said. He didn't know what he meant by "We'll talk" he just knows that there is some type of conversation thay had to have. Dean doesn't thinks he's ready for that just yet. He still doesn't know what Cas meant when he said what he said... And of course Dean loved him too, but he still doesn't know what that means.
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They've been sitting on the kitchen table in silence for longer than they would like to admit, so Cas decides to break the silence.
"What have tou been up to? this last month?"
Nothing, Dean has done nothing, apart from crying because of him but he wasn't going to tell him that.
"I don't know, went on a hunt a couple of weeks ago, and since there I've just been here." Dean says, trying to not make it look so sad.
Cas did't even answer, just looked at him. Dean continued "Hey, I was thinking about getting out tomorrow, i don't know just go for a ride and stuff, do you wanna come?"
"That'd be great" He answers, Dean just keeps looking ag him, trying to convince himself that it was real, that he was here again, like if he looked away he would just leave again.
He also thought that having him back would fix everything, but here they are, sitting at the kitchen table being unable to look into eachother's eyes. Dean doesn't really underestand why it is so uncomfortable bettwen them, it has never been like that, but it felt as if Cas didn't wanted to be with him...
Just thinking that makes Dean's heart ache, 'he can't think like that right?' 'why is this so hard? is not the first time he comes back from the dead, what has changed?'
Dean is feeling anxious, he wants to run away, but he doesn't want to leave his best friend's side, not yet at least, not until Dean convinces himself that he isn't going to leave again.
But what if he actually doesn't want to be here? with him? Did Cas not miss them as much as he missed him? Why is he acting so weird?
Cas must had been reading his mind cause his next words were "Of course I've missed you Dean"
That made the hunter look at him in the eyes "It's just-" Cas continues "I'm still trying to figure out things. Feelings. This is hard for me."
"I underestand, feelings can be really shitty. What kind of feelings are you struggling with?"
Cas just kept looking at him, as if he was conufused, as if Dean was suppoused to know something he didn't. Instead Cas just anwered "I'm sorry about what I said, before I left, I wouldn't have told you if I knew I would come back."
Dean doesn't know why, but that last comment hurted him. "Is this because the 'I love you' thing?" Dean asks, Cas just nods "You don't have to worry about that. You know I feel that too, you're like my brother."
After that Cas oppened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but ended up regreting it and just said "yeah, sure" with a small smile that clearly looked fake.
Dean was confused, did he say something wrong? He looks even more uncomfortable than before. He decided to change the subject.
"Hey, do you wanna come to the Dean cave? we could watch a movie or something." Dean asked him.
"Yeah sure, let's go." Cas answered with a little smile getting up of the table and starting his way towards the Dean cave.
Dean was stressed, what was happening? this is not the Cas he remembered, has he done something wrong? has something happened that he's not aware of? This was supposed to be easy.....
When they arrived to the Dean cave they sitted down at the couch, each one at one extreme of it, as if they were trying to get away from eachother, Dean wasn't even moving, it was Cas that was trying to separate from Dean as much as possible, when Dean realized this he felt a strange feeling in his chest, like the one you get when you're about to cry.
"Everything okay?" Dean asked moving himself a little bit towards Cas, just a couple of inches.
"Yeah it's fine" Cas said, without even looking at him, just watching the TV "Anything in particular you wanna watch?" Cas asked, still looking into the TV.
"Put whatever you want, it's okay" He said, looking firmly into the man sitting right next to him. He was so close and to far at the same time, Dean just know that he wanted, needed to be closer to him. But as Cas was behaving, he decided that it would be better if he didn't do anything.
It's been probably an hour since they sit down on the couch, and Dean has fallen asleep a while ago, but he woke up due to the pain in his neck, he was sitting uncomfortably so he tried to move, only to realized that there was a weight pulling him down.
It was Cas.
He was resting his head on the hunter's shoulder with one arm wrapped around his chest. When did he move so close to him? What happened?
wait...
Since when does Cas sleep? Cause he was sleeping right now, not resting, sleeping.
Cas moved a little bit tightening his grip aroud Dean's waist, Dean just went along with it, at least he was here now, with him, they'll talk about it tomorrow, but now, Dean just got himself into a better position trying not to wake up Cas, and went back to sleep, putring one arm around the man and the other slithly rubbing against the arm that Cas had around his waist.
He can finally rest.