Chapter Text
To my friends.
I’m sorry to leave you again, I seem to have made leaving a habit, but this time I won’t be coming back. For that I am truly sorry. And Marimo, sorry for stealing your weights,
Sanji sat on the deck as he tied the weights to his legs.
I needed them, sure, but it’s more than that, I want a piece of you with me. It’s selfish, I know, but I hope one day you can forgive me.
He laid down for a moment to stare at the stars, thinking back to the night him and Nami spent under them. Tonight was nothing like that, it was dark and frigid and he was alone.
Nami-San, tonight I’m gonna join the stars like I promised. I wonder what it will be like. I think my place among them will bring me peace as I watch over everyone’s journeys. Thank you for giving me so much peace during my last days, I will cherish that for all of eternity.
I wish I could write paragraphs upon paragraphs for each of you. But if I think about you all for too much longer I’ll end up backing out of this. So I will address all of you, as my heart is full of equal amounts of adoration for each of my crew members.
Sanji stood up and made his way to the edge of the boat.
Never in my life did I think I’d meet people as amazing as each and every one of you. But that’s why I have to go now. I can’t prolong your suffering, even more so, I cannot prolong my own suffering.
He looked down at the cold dark expanse of the water and shivered.
You have all made my life a happy one, and for that I am beyond grateful.
He stood on the edge of the ship, his gaze never leaving the water.
You’rs truly,
He looked up at the sky as he let himself fall forward.
Sanji.
“SANJI!?” Luffy's scream tore through the air. Rubbery arms wrapped around Sanji at a force that would have been bone breaking for others.
Sanji screamed, trying desperately to free himself from Luffy's grasp as he pulled him back onto the ship. The captain and his cook fell backwards, Sanji falling into Luffy’s lap.
Nami, awoken by the commotion, ran to him and crouched in front of him, holding his face in her hands. “You’re okay, Sanji. You’ll be okay, just breathe.”
“NO!” He wailed, trying to break free of Luffy's grip.
“Sanji please!” Nami begged, tears threatening to spill. “If you don’t calm down you’ll mutate.”
“GOOD! I JUST WANT TO DIE.”
That’s when he felt the hot tears that poured from Luffy’s face hit his back. His captain's grip did not waver, though he could feel the younger man trembling. Sanji went limp in Luffy's arms as Luffy pressed his face against his cook's shoulder.
Nami felt gutted as she began untying the weights from his ankles. “Let's get these off you. It can’t… it can’t be comfortable.” She took the weights and moved them to the side. “Don’t leave us, please.”
“It’s just hurting you more for me to stay. I should get it over with.” He sobbed, looking at his lap.
“No. You’re misunderstanding, Sanji. We cherish every moment we have left with you.” She cupped his cheeks once more, forcing him to look at her.
“But all I’ve given is bad moments.”
“Any moment with you is wonderful.” Tears began to fall down her face.
“You don’t mean that.”
“You have no clue how grateful I am to have you living and breathing in my arms right now.”
“You should just let me go.”
She wrapped her arms around him. “I’m too selfish for that, sorry.”
Robin placed a hand on his head. “Cook-san, why don’t you go back to bed, and please let me cook breakfast in the morning.”
“I already made overnight oats for everyone... A last meal from me.” He broke down sobbing.
She gently scratched his head before removing her hand. “That must have been difficult. You could use some rest.”
He nodded, crying even harder as he watched her guide Jimbei, Brook, Zoro, and Franky back to the boys dorm.
“N-nami?” Usopp stood nervously beside them. “Can we sleep in your room.”
She nodded.
Luffy, without saying a word, picked Sanji and Nami up and carried them to her room, laying them down on the bed. Luffy laid on Sanji’s chest, wrapping his arms around him ten times.
“Luffy you’re suffocating me,” Sanji wheezed.
Luffy just unraveled his arms and rolled off of him, landing in Nami’s arms. Sanji rolled onto his side as Usopp pulled him into his arms. They adjusted themselves so Nami’s back was pressed against Sanji and Luffy laid on the edge of the bed, stretching his arms to wrap around his three crewmates.
No one slept that night, all four of them too strung out with adrenaline to even stand a chance at a good night's rest.
——————
Breakfast was painfully silent. Not a word was spoken until Nami asked Sanji if he would be joining them. He just lit a cigarette and chuckled nervously. “I didn’t make myself any.”
“Oh… yeah,” Nami choked out.
“That’s okay. Sanji can have some of mine.” Luffy offered Sanji a wavering smile.
“It’s okay… I can’t say I’m very hungry.”
“Sanji, please eat some.” Nami asked tearfully.
He sighed and took a seat next to Luffy. “I’ll make you a big lunch to make up for this.”
Luffy just nodded and didn’t speak another word until Sanji began to prepare lunch when he asked, “Why drowning?”
“I didn’t want anyone to find my body.”
“We would have searched everywhere for Sanji.”
Sanji pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes and sobbed, “All I’ve done is hurt you all.”
“Then make it up to us by living.”
Sanji tugged at his hair in frustration. “Luffy you know-“
“You should cook your favorite meal today.”
He thought for a moment before a smile tugged at his lips. “I’ll make onigiri.”
Luffy cocked his head to the side. “Huh? That’s not your favorite.”
“No. But seeing him happy is.”
Luffy laughed. “Sanji’s blushinggg.”
Was he? Sanji felt his face and sure enough his cheeks had a warmth to them.
“I like when Sanji blushes, it means he’s living.” Luffy took a seat on the kitchen island as Sanji started to prepare lunch.
“Not for much longer,” he mumbled, focusing his attention back on his cooking.
“I’ll make sure Sanji lives the rest of his life.”
“That is how that works, Captain.” He rolled his eyes fondly.
“No.” Luffy’s tone of voice nearly made Sanji jump. “He hasn’t been living.”
“What?”
“I haven’t seen Sanji actually happy in a long time. That isn’t living.”
Sanji starred at him in shock.
“I’ll make sure Sanji lives till he dies!” Luffy announced proudly.
Sanji turned back to his cooking, tears in his eyes. Luffy smiled, he liked that Sanji could still find solace in his cooking (and he was excited for the big lunch that was promised to him).
Once Sanji finished cooking an obscene amount of meat. The crew filed into the kitchen, except for Zoro.
Sanji frowned. “Did he get lost?”
“He’s on the deck.” Nami stared at the table, uncharacteristically nervous.
Sanji furrowed his brow and left to check on him, Nami and Luffy following behind him.
He found Zoro chucking his weights off the side of the ship.
Sanji’s heart sank. “What are you doing?”
“I don’t want them anymore.”
“Don’t be ridiculous-“
“I’m ridiculous!? Did you even think about how I’d feel?”
Tears immediately starting to fall down Sanji’s face. “Yes. That’s why I did it.”
“What!?”
“Of course you don’t understand.” Sanji laughed through his tears. “I did it because I can’t make you kill me.”
It took Zoro a moment to respond. “I made a promise.”
“That you already fufilled.”
“I failed.”
“No. You shouldn’t go through that again.”
“I want to! I want you to live as long as you can! Which means I have to kill you.”
Sanji turned around to get in Zoro’s face. “I don’t want you to!”
“What happened to wanting to die with love!? You were just gonna die alone in the cold!? That’s fucked up, Sanji! You deserve b-“
Sanji grabbed Zoro and slammed their lips together before pulling away. “There, you got your kiss. Now leave me alone.”
“It’s not about the kiss!” Tears welled up in Zoro’s eye. “I want to get the chance to love you. Even if it’s a few seconds.”
“Too bad.” Sanji pushed past him before rushing off to the dorms.
Zoro cleared his throat. “Someone should make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.”
Luffy ran after Sanji as Nami ran to Zoro and wrapped her arms around him.
Luffy found Sanji curled up in bed, his body shaking with sobs.
“I thought Sanji wanted to see Zoro happy,” he scolded.
“He was being an idiot.” Sanji rolled so he was face down on the mattress.
“No, Sanji’s being an idiot.”
“Leave me alone, Luffy.”
“No thanks.”
“I’m serious, I just want to be alone.”
“We can’t leave Sanji alone after last night, he knows that.”
Sanji groaned, shoving his face into his pillow.
“Can I stay if I’m quiet?”
“Fine.”
“Can I hug Sanji?”
“No.”
Luffy laid on the floor next to Sanji’s cot. He stretched his arm to open Staggy’s cage so he could play with the beetle while his friend rested. Slowly but surely Sanji’s sniffles turned into steady breathing as the cook drifted off to sleep.
When Sanji woke up it was already dark and, of course, Luffy was curled up with him. “Didn’t I tell you not to hug me?” He grumbled, but was in a much better mood than before.
Luffy just nuzzled against him and laughed, “Shishishi.”
Sanji sighed. “I should let Zoro kill me, shouldn’t I?”
“It would make him happy,” Luffy paused, “Not too happy though!”
“I’d hope not.” Sanji sat up and stretched. “I should go find him before he decides to hate me forever.”
“He won’t.”
Sanji sighed and got up to search for Zoro.
When he found Zoro the swordsman looked anxious to see him.
Sanji took a deep breath and sighed, “Zoro… you can kill me.”
The tension eased from Zoro’s shoulders.
“And… I can’t believe I’m saying this… I want you to get to love me… not just for a few seconds.” Before Zoro could speak, Sanji cut him off. “Not during the day, just at night.”
“Are you serious?”
Sanji’s eyes widened. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to!”
“No. No, I want to.”
Sanji relaxed. “Then come to bed with me.”
Zoro followed him into the dorms and they laid down.
“I want you to kiss me.”
Zoro's eye went wide. “Seriously? Are you sure?”
Sanji nodded. “Please.”
Zoro wrapped his arms around Sanji and held him close as he pressed his lips against Sanji’s. Sanji returned the embrace and melted into Zoro’s touch. The swordsman wrapped a leg around Sanji’s, pulling him in closer. “I decided I’m gonna settle down in the All Blue.”
Sanji frowned. “Why?”
“I think it’s the closest I can get to being with you.”
“Don’t live your life around me. I’m letting you have this so you won’t get hung up on what you could have had. I want you to move on, I-“
Zoro kissed him. “Shut up.”
“Zoro.” Sanji complained.
“I’m serious.”
Sanji shut up when he saw the tears brimming in Zoro’s eye.
“Look,” Zoro sighed and glanced at Wado propped up by the bedside. “I’ve never been good at moving on. So just accept it’s not gonna happen.”
Sanji closed his eyes. “Okay.”
Zoro kissed his forehead. “I’ll move to the All Blue, I’ll bring your kitchen stuff with me. It’s the thing I have that’s most you. Hell, I’ll probably be crazy enough to bring your clothes too. I just don’t wanna be away from you…” he thought for a moment. “teach me how to cook.”
“You’re useless in the kitchen.”
“Please teach me. I want to cook the fish there. You deserve someone to fufil your dream. I can’t go opening a restaurant, but I can feed myself.”
Sanji nodded before burrying his head in Zoro’s chest. It only took a few seconds before he could feel Sanji’s tears against his skin.
Zoro eye blew wide. “Did I say something wrong?”
“You said everything right,” he cried.
Zoro closed his eyes and held Sanji close till they both fell into the best sleep of their lives.
——————
Their nightly routine lasted about a week before everything changed forever.
It started off just like every other morning. Sanji woke up alone, Zoro always left before dawn. But Sanji was still in a good mood. Spending the nights with Zoro made his heart so much lighter, it truly eased the burden of his demise. He stretched and got up to feed his beetle before heading to the kitchen to start breakfast.
Luffy trailed behind Sanji, talking his ear off about what he wants for breakfast. Sanji just smiled fondly, he was gonna miss his idiot captain but he was doing better about enjoying the moments he has left with the crew.
Once breakfast was prepared he watched happily as the crew enjoyed their meal. “Wait, where’s Chopper?”
Robin smiled softly. “He’s in his office.”
Sanji’s heart ached, part of him wished the small doctor would give up on trying to save him, it was just a waste. But another part of him was so greatful he wasn’t being given up on.
Before he could dwell on it much longer, Chopper ran into the kitchen, turned into his human form and hugged Sanji as tight as he could.
Sanji returned his hug. “You okay?”
Chopper returned to his normal size. “I’m amazing! Guess why!”
“Why?” He asked teasingly, crouching down to Choppers level.
Chopper jumped into his arms again, knocking Sanji off balance. “I figured out how to save you!”
All that could be heard was silverware clatter.
“Chopper.” Sanji's voice cracked. “Don’t… dont fuck with me right now. Are you serious?”
The little doctor nodded, tears pouring down his face. “I found what hormone will trigger the mutation! It’s a specific stress hormone. I want to give you a daily prescription to lower your anxiety levels and another to calm you instantly incase you ever feel intense levels of stress.”
Tears welled up in Sanjis eyes. “Chopper are you sure?”
The little doctor nodded. “Positive.”
Before he could even think about crying, he was knocked to the floor. When he regained his bearings, Luffy, Nami and Usopp were all on top of him, pulling him into their arms. He stared at the ceiling in shock before wrapping his arms around them and burying his face in Luffy's hair to hide his tears. Luffy looked up at Sanji, his nose pressed against the cook's chin, a huge grin on his face. “I told you I wouldn’t need a new cook.”
Sanji sighed. “Guess you were right.”
Luffy grinned. “Shishishi!”
“Luffy,” Nami tugged on his arm, “Get off him.”
Luffy frowned but did as she said. Usopp Nami and Luffy stood to the side as Zoro walked over.
He reached his hand out. “No more pretending.”
Sanji took Zoro’s hand and stood up. “No more pretending.”
The two of them stood awkwardly, unsure if they should kiss or not.
“Ugh, get a room,” Nami groaned.
“Okay.” Zoro started walking towards the door.
“Ow!” Franky interrupted, walking over to intercept them. “Let the rest of us celebrate!”
“And Sanji needs to take his medicine!” Chopper ran over and handed Sanji a pill.
Sanji stared blankly at the pill. “Let me talk to Marimo first, please.”
“Come on, just take it.” Luffy urged him.
“Let me and the cook talk. We’ll be back soon.”
“You better not be blowing us off to make out.”
Zoro looked at Sanji’s now trembling form. “We aren’t.”
The two of them walked outside.
“You still wanna die?” Zoro asked.
“I don’t know.”
“Will you live?”
Sanji looked at the floor. “I don’t know.”
“Come on, cook. We can finally put this behind us, let’s have a good life.” He took Sanji’s hand in his.
Sanji looked at him through watery eyes. “It’s just so much. I’m happy, I swear. It’s just… everything’s going so fast.”
“But it’s good. This is what we wanted. We don’t have to pretend anymore.”
The hope in Zoro’s eye brought Sanji to tears. “What if it’s all for nothing?”
“What if it’s for something. We can have the life we’ve been dreaming of. I can love you in the daylight.”
Sanji looked hesitant but ultimately a smile tugged at his lips. “I’d like that.”
Zoro just grinned. “Me too.”
Sanji wrapped his arms around Zoro and kissed him.
Zoro’s cheeks were bright red. “It’s weird doing this in the daytime.”
“Get used to it.”
“Gladly.”
Sanji took Zoro’s hand once more. “Lets go inside.”
“Hey curls?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m happy for you.”
Sanji smiled sheepishly. “I’m happy for me too.”
Chopper was waiting for them by the door and immediately held out to pull. “Go on, take it.”
Sanji sighed and took the pill.
Nami clasped her hand over her mouth and Zoro’s face lit up. “The yellow suits you.”
“It’s blonde, not yellow.” Sanji paused before gasping. “It’s blonde?”
Nami nodded, tears pouring down her face.
Sanji’s eyes lit up for the first time in a long time as he stared at his reflection in the window. “I have to tell Zeff. I… I can’t… I can’t believe it!”
Sanji practically scrambled to get the phone and call the Baratie.
“We’re closed till next week,” a voice, Patty, grumbled.
“Just give the phone to Zeff.”
“Zeff’s not taking any c- … who is this?”
“It’s Sanji.”
“Prove it!”
“Onetime when I was eleven you tried telling me what to do so I threw all your underwear overboard.”
“ZEFF!?” Patty called, his voice cracking. “GET OVER HERE!” When there was no response he sighed. “The old man’s been off the past few days, kid. I’ll go get him.”
Sanji held his breath to keep from crying.
A few minutes later he could hear Zeff rush towards the phone. “Eggplant!? I thought you-“
“I did.”
“Why aren’t you dead?”
“Can I talk to everyone? There’s something I need to say”
Zeff called the cooks over.
Sanji took a deep breath. “Chopper found a cure.”
All hell broke loose and tears poured from the den den mushi’s eyes.
“Bastards, you’re gonna make me cry too!” Sanji hiccuped.
“You better come visit us soon.” One of the cooks cried
“Yeah, we totally thought you were a goner!” Carne exclaimed and Sanji could hear someone smack him upside the head.
“Alright, now scram.” Zeff shooed off the cooks after letting them cry for a few more minutes before turning his attention back to Sanji. “Never scare me like that again. It was bad for my heart.”
“You’re at the age where everything’s bad for your heart.”
“Can it, eggplant.”
Sanji rolled his eyes fondly. “You love hearing me speak.”
“Whatever.” Zeff huffed. “Go celebrate with your friends and call me back when you get the chance. Got it?”
“Got it.”
———————
Nearly a year passed and Sanji and Zoro’s relationship was the strongest it had ever been. But Zoro had one quirk that bothered Sanji more than anything. Sometimes the swordsman would look at him and cringe.
One morning they were lying together when Zoro suddenly tensed up.
Sanji raised his brow. “Why do you do that?”
Zoro weighed his options for a moment, ultimately deciding to let his boyfriend in. “I never told you because I don’t want you to blame yourself. So don’t go blaming yourself… But sometimes all I can see is my sword through your chest,” his voice cracked.
Sanji shot up. “It took you a year to tell me this!?”
“Don’t be mad.”
“Of course I’m mad!” Tears were brimming in his eyes.
“I’m fine, I swear.”
Sanji just shook his head. “You’ve been hiding something so huge from me.”
“Yeah but you’ve done the same. And I’m telling you now, aren’t I?”
“That’s different. I hid stuff before we were dating. You kept this from me for a whole year. And you expect me to come to you with my problems.”
“Lay back down.” Zoro held Sanji’s wrist.
Sanji shook his head and pulled away. “I need a cigarette.”
Zoro’s brow twitched. “Come on curly.”
“Don’t curly me.”
“You’re being hypocritical.”
“Clearly you don’t know what a big word like that means because I’ve shared everything with you!”
“You’re not sharing with me now.”
Sanji glared at him and stormed off. “I’ll be back in a bit.”
Zoro groaned and rolled on his back to stare at the ceiling.
When Sanji came back he sat on the edge of the bed. “Why didn’t you tell me.”
Zoro sat up. “You didn’t need more on your plate.”
“I can’t believe I didn’t say anything before.” Sanji's voice cracked.
“I’m good at hiding it.”
“That doesn’t make me feel better.”
The swordsman placed his hand on his lover’s back. “I was scared you’d blame yourself.”
“I’m not some weakling you need to protect.”
“Of course I know that. But I love you and I wanted to save you this pain.”
Sanji laughed bitterly. “It hurts more that you hid it.”
“You hide too.”
“What?”
“You never take your shirt off around me unless it’s dark.”
Sanji looked at the floor. “I was scared it’d bother you.”
“I know. That’s why I didn’t tell you my thing either..”
Sanji stayed silent.
“Let me see.”
“What?”
“Let me see the scar.”
Sanji sighed and slowly took his shirt off.
Zoros fingers traced the scar on Sanji’s back, it was a horizontal line, the exact width of Wado. “Does Chopper have any clue why it scarred?”
“The damage to my heart was almost more than my advanced healing could handle, it let my normal body take care of the rest, leaving a scar.”
“That makes sense… does it hurt?”
“It used to… but not much anymore.”
“That’s good.” He placed a kiss on the scar.
Sanji shivered.
Zoro grabbed Sanji’s waist to tickle him, causing the other to burst out laughing.
“You’re not off the hook.”
“I’m about to be.” He kissed Sanji’s jawline.
Sanji tilted his head back, allowing him access. “Don’t be too sure of yourself.”
“Oh, I’m sure of myself.” He smirked, snaking his arms around Sanji’s waist.
——————
Three years later Zoro stood infront of Sanji. “Do you still want to die?”
“Some days.”
“But you’re still here.”
“I am.”
“Do you think it’ll stay that way?”
“I think so.”
Zoro took a deep breath. “That means I can do this.” He knelt down on one knee and pulled out a small box with a ring in it.
Sanji’s eyes nearly shot out of his head. “Zoro.”
“Just. Let me speak.” Zoro cleared his throat. “You know I’m not good at all of this. But the past three years have been the best of my life. I know it’s been hard, and I know it’ll be hard. But I love you, and I want to be with you forever. You’re still the same idiot I’ve always known. You just don’t see it, but everyone else does. I see it. You’re still you, even after everything you’ve been through. And I love that about you. So, will you marry me?”
“If something happens… if the meds stop working… will you be able to kill your husband.”
“Nothing could stop me.”
“You swear?” Sanji’s eyes filled with tears.
“Swear.”
“Then yeah, of course I’ll marry you.” Tears poured down his face Sanji held out his hand for Zoro to put the ring on it. Afterwards, Zoro stood up and Sanji threw his arms around him and pulled him in close, smashing their lips together. One of Zoro’s hands found their way to Sanji’s waist as the other laced his fingers through his hair. Sanji then buried his head in the crook of Zoro's neck.
Zoro held him tightly, lacing his fingers in Sanji’s hair. “You okay, curls?”
“Sorry, I don’t know why I’m so emotional.” Sanji clung to Zoro and laughed. “I can’t wait to tell everyone.”
“We can go now-“
Sanji hummed and nuzzled up closer. “I can wait a little bit.”
“Someone’s clingy.”
“We’re getting married, get used to it.” He sniffled.
“You sure you’re okay, swirly?”
Sanji pressed himself even closer. “Yeah. I just love you a lot.”
“I love you too.”
“I never thought this would happen.”
“After three years you never thought I’d marry you?”
Sanji rolled his eyes. “I mean I never thought I’d live long enough.”
“Yeah well, you’re gonna be alive a lot longer than this.”
“Don’t jinx it.”
“I’m not jinxing anything.” Zoro grumbled.
“I know.” Sanji squeezed Zoro before letting go. “Okay let’s go tell everyone.” Zoro watched lovingly as Sanji practically bounced with excitement. Before they went to the deck, Sanji stopped. “You better pay Nami-San back for that ring because I know you can’t afford it.”
Zoro rolled his eyes. “She’ll add it to my debt.”
“She’s never seeing that money again, is she?”
“Nope.”
Sanji pursed his lips. “I’ll have to thank her for the ring then.”
“I guess you will.”
Sanji laughed and took Zoro's hand in his.
The two of them walked out onto the deck and held eachothers hands up like a boxer after winning a match.
“We’re getting married!” Sanji grinned.
Cheers erupted from their crewmates except for Brook, who just stared at them inquisitively. “If I may ask, which of you will be wearing the dress?”
Nami cringed. “Oh… that’s not…”
“The cook.” Zoro interrupted.
Sanji’s brow twitched. “If you think it’s so funny why don’t you wear the dress.”
“But you’d look so good in it, curls.” He teased, holding onto Sanji’s waist.
Sanji quickly kicked Zoro off of him and to the crew’s amusement, a fight broke out. “I’m never wearing a dress again!”
Zoro drew his sword. “Again!?”
“Shut up!” Sanji blocked it with his leg.
“Don’t fight!” Luffy whined. “You can both wear the dress!”
“NO!” They barked.