Chapter Text
(Bakugo’s POV)
Have you ever felt the need to cry rip through you? That’s the feeling that abruptly tore a hole in Bakugo’s chest, looking up at Kirishimas soft, caring smile, somehow knowing he had someone in his corner was more difficult than weathering the storm. He held it together, forcing every shred of those sickeningly heavy emotions away from the forefront of his mind, trying to ignore the cold tightness of his chest as he stared into his best friends’ eyes with a blank expression. Looking at the redhaired boy was probably the most painful part of it all, seeing him tilt his head and make the same face as that of a kicked puppy when all Bakugo gave him was a silent glare.
Kirishima was the most energetically caring person in their class, he was even more goddamned annoying about it than Deku was, except in this case it worked on him far more than he would like it to. Deku’s pitying care filled him with red hot rage, whilst the redhead and his shark-toothed grin made him want to stop building that wall between him and every other weakling he was training to protect. If he didn’t know it would only destroy his reputation, put others in danger and ruin his future career, he might’ve seriously considered talking to Kirishima about all of this shit, but he couldn’t ever afford to lower his shield.
Bakugo wouldn’t give in to the feeling. He was never going to surrender to this pathetic streak of weakness, no matter how much the rest of his being was screaming at him to stop this unnecessary resistance. He watched wearily as Kirishima walked over to his table, quietly pulling up a chair and sitting in front of his desk. He would’ve been pissed off at the redhead wasting his time had he not appreciated the small gesture so much, to others it may look like Kirishima was trying to pressure him into talking, but Bakugo knew better. The silence between them had always felt comfortable, a quiet assurance that they would be there for each other even if the other didn’t want help, it was as comforting as silence could be, and it lacked the suffocating, eerie, cotton-ball-in-the-mouth feeling.
*
(Kirishima’s POV)
He sat there watching the blonde, closely eyeing each miniscule expression that washed through him, he doubted this would be the time and place that Bakugo decides to share his thoughts with him, but that wasn’t going to be enough to make him leave. Sleepless nights weren’t healthy for either of them, and whilst it rendered Kirishima a little more grumpy than he would normally let himself be he still tried to hold that unwavering smile, the least he could do was try to cheer Bakugo up. Before the silence could turn stale, Kirishima cleared his throat and gently nudged bakugo’s arm, “I’ve never seen you fall asleep in class before, blasty. Finally ready to admit that that class is boring as hell?” He jested lightly, receiving a slight snarl from the blonde sitting across from him.
At first he thought he wasn’t going to get any other response from Bakugo, and that his shield of irritation wasn’t going to let the blonde react to any of the jokes Kirishima was going to crack, but to his surprise he received a small and surprisingly light-hearted “Shut up, idiot” from Bakugo, something that definitely sounded a lot closer to the normal Katsuki. If his best bro was willing to give him at least something, then that was plenty more than what he was expecting, which made him agree with himself that he wasn’t going to pry or do anything that would cause him to shut down again, for now he was just going to try and give the blonde a break from the storm in his head. Of course, that also brought him out of his own whirlwind running ramped through his mind, if he was focused on helping someone else he couldn’t focus on the problems that he harboured within himself. Besides, Bakugo needed him right now, the helpful him, and not the weak him.
The muzzled silence had returned as quickly as it was broken, but this time it didn’t stay that way, this time he had made it clear to Bakugo that he wasn’t going to push him in such a vulnerable spot, he wasn’t that kind of guy. Pulling him out of his hushed thoughts was something he wasn’t expecting whatsoever, Bakugo trying to start up a small semblance of conversation. “You better have done your math assignment. It’s due today.” Bakugo muttered in a mildly agitated tone, looking at Kirishima with the first genuine expression he had made all day which caused him to smile way harder than he should’ve, he knew that Bakugo would understand that he wasn’t smiling about math homework, but right now it didn’t matter.
“Don’t worry dude, I’ve got it under control, all thanks to you,” He said honestly, Bakugo’s tutoring had brought his grades and knowledge up an enormous amount, now he grasped the concepts he was learning and although the still had to work hard he was in a lot better of a spot than he had been, and then, in a movement so subtle you would’ve missed it if you blinked, Bakugo smiled. It was no beaming smirk by any means, but the slight grin was a relief to see, hell he might’ve even given a solace sigh under his breath at the gesture.
Unfortunately, time was not on their side right now as their break was short, and to the redheads dismay he had to go meet up with the others before their next class, an activity that he was sure Bakugo wouldn’t want to take part in. “Sorry man, I gotta go catch up with the rest of the group.. but I’ll see you in class, yeah?” He said as he slowly rose out of his seat, looking down at Bakugo with a soft smile, most days he would try and drag the antisocial blonde with him, but he knew that this was not the right time to invite him.
What made him feel more guilty was the lack of response that Bakugo gave him, looking at him with a rather unreadable gaze that to Kirishima screamed ‘don’t go’. He didn’t want to leave him either, especially not in the defeated state he was in, but if the redhead didn’t go then the others would come back here looking for him which would end up adding more stress to Bakugo. Honestly he struggled to deal with or at least play nice to the group on the best of days, let alone when he was in a mood like this, so he swallowed his guilty lump in his throat and walked out of the classroom.
*
(Bakugo’s POV)
Bakugo was never one for enjoying other people’s company, but in this moment watching Kirishima leave just about tore a hole in him. It wasn’t that he wanted to go with the redhaired boy, because he knew that the rest of the idiot brigade would make things more unpleasant than what he was willing to deal with right now. It was the surprise that got to him, and without the redhead’s presence, the fuzzy silence returned to the deafening stampede of his thoughts.
Sometimes the worst thing you can do is sit and think, space can quickly become someone’s breaking point; even for those like Katsuki can only hold back the storm for so long, even dam walls erode if they aren’t taken care of, and it wasn’t like Bakugo was a prime example of selfcare. The only way the blonde knew how to get through things was by blasting his way until there was nothing standing in his way, but that takes insight and admitting that there is something standing in his way, something he has to go through.
Sitting in the empty classroom with the soft lighting from the windows casting lonely shadows, left to chase the spiral of his mind until he eventually hit the bottom of the well. These feelings came from everything that he was not, so what the hell does he do with this? Bakugo knows he can’t just follow this road blindly until its too late to turn back, he knew that this wasn’t just going to fix itself now, not with the rotting feeling in his stomach or the craving of someone to care for him, feelings that had never surfaced before. There was a growing hole within him, left from the years of neglecting the ‘weak’ pieces of him.
The pain of needing something you don’t want is unbearable, the feeling that it might be the thing that prevents your dreams from ever coming true is somehow worse. He doesn’t want help, he doesn’t want someone to share problems with and he sure as hell never asked for these stupid nightmares to start chipping away at every slice of independence he has, causing a twinge that he had never experienced; perhaps this was just too much for him. That was a sickening, disgusting thought, the point in your life where you go from being unstoppable and unafraid to where you realise you aren’t invincible, and you can’t do it alone. Knowing they have a reason to look down on you, knowing you’re weak.
It was at the end of that trail that the bell went and snapped him out of his head, back to a world where colours were too bright and noises too loud, his sight was blurry and his face wet. When had he started crying over something so absurd? Blinking tears away as he scared off the idea of needing anything from anyone, he could do this, he could do it alone, and he would become the greatest force that the world had ever seen, achieving these goals required him to leave his shitty feelings behind, burry them beneath his bed and face the day with the same murderous glare he had always brought with him.
He was ridiculously late to class by the time he had washed the tear tracks off his face and collected his textbooks, today was a day packed full of firsts as he even considered ditching for the safety of his dorm room. Dragging his feet, the blonde made his way to the classroom and took his seat, his palms sweating and crackling as he felt the eyes of his peers watching him, turning to give each one of the nosey assholes a stare so blankly challenging that anyone who was looking immediately turned away to stare at their books, knowing if they hadn’t that their bodies wouldn’t be found.
*
(General POV)
Whispers had been traveling far when Bakugo hadn’t shown up to class, this wasn’t the first time he had been late this week, but this week was the first time he had been late since starting at UA. Some, like Iida, were more concerned about the punctuality side of the story, where this was a sign of insubordination and that it shouldn’t be tolerated from anyone, and that this was an act that if gone unpunished would tarnish the reputation the course had gained. Others, such as Midoriya, were worried about the blonde’s well-being, the mentions of Bakugo’s self-isolation and emotional state would be enough to turn the explosive boy rabid.
No one had an easy time with the events that just kept on coming, that’s why people had friends to talk to, therapists, hobbies, something other than working themselves into the ground. Even their teachers, namely Aizawa, had been working extra hours to help their students recover and move through these issues in a healthy manner, or at the minimum build up a support system so that when things inevitably fell apart for these more stubborn students, at least they wouldn’t keep falling into the abyss they had carved out for themselves.