Chapter Text
Steve felt like absolute shit. Like, he wanted to lie down and never get up. His torso was on fire, his feet burned from walking and biking through an alternate dimension, his head hurt, his back stung like hell, his lungs felt sticky, which should be impossible because lungs are inside your body. Talking hurt, turning his head hurt. Keeping his eyes open hurt, and worst of all his hair felt like he’d dipped it in mud, then drove in a convertible with all the windows down, and then poured a gallon of day-old Kool-Aid over it and then blow dried it.
The War Zone had few clothing options to choose from, and a bathroom too busy to spend thirty minutes scrubbing grime from his face or bandaging his feet.
At least Steve was doing a decent job hiding his uncomfortableness. At the very least he thought he was, or the others just didn’t notice. Either way, he counted it a blessing. There was too much shit going on for anyone to focus on Steve wincing at every movement his body made.
Speaking of shit, the plan was shit. Steve didn’t care that it was smart, that they were using Vecna’s weaknesses against him, and he certainly didn’t care for the fact that Max, Dustin, and Eddie had to be bait. Steve wanted to scream at his friends for thinking up this horrific plan. Just because something is supposedly smart doesn’t mean things can’t go wrong. Max was fourteen! And everyone was just okay with her putting her life on the line? It wasn’t fair to her, to the people that cared about her. Seriously, Steve almost suggested Nancy do it instead of Max, at the very least, Nancy was older, and Steve hated himself for thinking that, so he had stayed silent. Vecna was focused on Max, apparently, so it would’ve been a stupid suggestion on Steve’s part. Maybe if Nancy had volunteered, the plan wouldn’t revolve around a fourteen year old almost dying, but she didn’t, so Steve stayed quiet. No way anybody was going to listen to him anyway.
And Dustin. Steve desperately wanted Dustin to stay far, far away from the Upside Down and those crazy bat creatures. He knew both Max and Dustin were brave and could handle themselves, but Steve really didn’t want them to. He trusted them, but he didn’t trust the plan. Not one bit.
Maybe he’d suggest to change it once he got back. Not that they’d listen to him, but maybe it was worth a try.
He really wished they’d listen to him sometimes. He knew his place in the group, he wasn’t the plan guy, the smart one, he just did what he could to help. But it wouldn’t hurt for them to maybe see it from his perspective; Steve had no future. He worked full-time minimum wage, had no plans of going to college, no career goals, no partner, besides maybe Robin, but she'd go to college next year along with Nancy and anyone his age, and the kids would do the same in three years, and Steve would hit 30 alone, paying rent to his parents who already were never home and had already cut him off financially and probably emotionally. He’d waste away in Hawkins, Indiana, but the kids? Robin? Nancy? They all had the brightest futures ahead of them, filled with goals and dreams and opportunities. Hell, he’s sure even Eddie was going to skip town too, maybe the second he finally graduated. And they deserved their dreams. Max deserved to enter that state skating competition, Dustin deserved another summer at his science camp, Lucas, his sports report on the Chicago airwaves, Erica, her own fantasy books, Robin, her language degree, Nancy and her own paper, and Eddie a gig or record deal. In such a short time of knowing them all, they all had something they wanted, something they aspired to be, or become.
Steve? Steve was a high-school-has-been. He didn’t know what he wanted. And honestly? He couldn’t see himself having much of a future. Hell, he could barely imagine having a tomorrow.
Steve tied up his new (ow) boots and tried very hard to ignore how much he wanted to saw his ankles right off his body. He looked around, taking account the kids ducking behind shelves as to not be seen by the basketball team. They needed to leave as soon as possible.
Turning his head towards the crowded ammunition section of the store, he stopped Nancy— Nancy trying to pull herself away from Jason fucking Carver.
“Get the kids,” Steve turned to Robin, “We’re leaving.”
“Now? Do we have everything?”
“It’s been long enough, I’m sure it’s fine,” he replied. Robin nodded, turning chaotically and spinning her head to find the others.
Steve made his way towards Nancy and Jason, who were practically playing tug-a-war with a shotgun. It would’ve been kind of funny if it weren’t for the current situation.
“Nance, let’s get going,” Steve blurted, breaking the dangerous tension that came between the two. Jason snapped his head towards Steve, breaking out into an easy smile that didn’t reach his eyes.
“Steve Harrington?! Wow, I haven’t seen you in a while! How’re you doing, man? Did you hear the Tigers won the championship?”
Steve nodded, not bothering to explain he was at the game. “I’m fine. What are— what brings you out here?”
Jason perked up. “You don’t know? I thought everyone was at the town meeting… we’re trying to catch this damn killer. What’re you here for then, if not to help?”
If there was one thing Steve was best at, it was playing dumb.
“Killer? What do you mean?”
Jason gaped at him. “The— that serial killer, the Munson freak, his cult, Hellfire? They— they killed— they killed Chrissy,” Jason gritted his teeth, “And Patrick. You remember Patrick, right?”
Steve did remember Patrick. He was a nice kid, talented. When Steve was on the basketball team, Patrick was this scrawny freshman, and he would always come to practice with bruises. It got so bad at one point, that Steve took extra time in the locker room to help him patch up. He regretted not doing more, but anytime he asked about it Patrick would shrug it off and get defensive. Around the same time Steve had to quit the team for the season due to his concussion (thanks, Billy), Patrick had started acting out more, drinking and partying often.
Steve remembered Chrissy too. Running in the jock circle meant knowing all the cheerleaders and their mothers. Chrissy was nice, they’d only spoken once or twice in parties, and Steve found her to be insanely insecure. Her head always down, hands clasped, and lips thin through her early years of high school. When he heard she became cheer captain, he was genuinely surprised.
“Yeah,” Steve said hoarsely, “Sorry, I haven’t really been keeping up with the news. I’m sorry, man.”
“It’s okay,” Jason said, “Just let someone know if you see anything. Stay safe, Harrington.”
Jason threw Nancy a suspicious glance before beginning to move away.
“Jason, wait,” Steve barked. A lightbulb sprung in his head. It was a dumb idea, but he really didn’t want Jason following them around because Nancy didn’t seem to comply with the whole “hunting the freak” show.
“I… you know where my house is, in Loch Nora? Well… ah, I don’t know, it’s dumb but, I’m all alone in that house so maybe it’s something to worry about.”
Jason raised an eyebrow. “Spit it out, man. Anything helps.”
Steve nodded, feigning a nervous look. “It’s just— I’ve been noticing things, in the woods behind my backyard. Like, food wrappers, dirty clothes… I mean, I found a shirt, I thought it was just dirt on it but… it could’ve been… I don’t know. Y’know, out in my shed? I swear on my life I saw light coming from it, and…” he trailed off.
“Do you think maybe Munson’s hiding out in Loch Nora?”
Steve shrugged. “He might be. Could you… Ah, this is embarrassing, but my dad took his shotgun with him on his last trip. I can’t really defend myself. Could you maybe just check my place tonight? The woods there too. Loch Nora’s big, has anyone thought to even look there yet?”
Jason had a dangerous sparkle in his eye. “No,” he said, “we’ve mostly been looking around the trailer park and lake. Harrington, you’re a great help. Really. You should join us! We’ve got plenty of arms, I’m sure—“
Steve cut him off with, “Nah, sorry but I’ve got work tonight. But thank you for doing this. It makes me feel a lot better knowing… there are people trying to keep other people safe.”
Jason nodded. “Of course. You try and protect your girl tonight, Harrington.”
Steve gestured to the shotgun Nancy held tightly in her grip. “She can do that herself, trust me.”
Jason laughed like that was the funniest joke he’d heard in a long while. He shook his head with a smile. “Whatever you say, man. Thank you for getting us a step closer to ending that freak once and for all, really, I appreciate it,” He turned abruptly, “ANDY! We have a lead!”
Steve’s battered spine shivered at Jason’s enthusiasm, and he gestured for Nancy to move. As they both rushed out of the shop, Nancy looked taken aback.
They stepped outside the crowded store, and Nancy inhaled sharply.
“Steve, that was—“
“Dumb, I know,” He sighed.
“Actually, I was going to say… smart. That was smart. Now we won’t have to worry about him.”
“I guess not. We have just a million other things to worry about instead,” he gave her a smile, though he’s sure it looked more like a grimace.
Nancy shook her head, determined. “Everything will be fine as long as we stick to the plan.”
“See, yeah, thats what I’m worried about, the plan. It’s dangerous.”
Nancy scoffed. “Haven’t all our plans been dangerous?”
“I’m not really a plan guy at all, Nance. But… I don’t like this one. I have a bad feeling about it, I mean, putting Max in that position? Bringing Dustin into that Vecna creep’s literal house? There’s got to be a way to keep those shitheads out of trouble.”
“Well,” Nancy sighed, “Do you have a better plan?”
Steve shook his head.
“Then this one will just have to work.”
“Y’know, I always had this vision of like, having a really big family,” Steve found himself saying to Nancy. The road stretched ahead of them and to Steve it looked endless. He wondered what would happen if he just kept driving. Maybe it wouldn’t be so hard to get all the people he cared about away from the danger of Hawkins. He could just keep pressing on the gas, and turn onto the interstate, and never see the dingy brown ‘Welcome to Hawkins!’ sign ever again.
“Really?”
“Yeah, I mean, maybe without all the impending doom crap, we could take a road trip, somewhere cool. Illinois, New York, wherever. Cross country? I wouldn’t mind going to New Orleans or something, crocodiles are cool.”
“Alligators, you mean.”
“Uh, yeah. Alligators.”
Nancy smiled, “Sounds like a hassle, driving all across the country.”
Steve shrugged. “I’ve never really been outside of Indiana. I think I went to New Jersey when I was really young, to visit an aunt or something, but I don’t really remember.”
“And you want to do it with a family?”
“Yeah.”
Nancy smiled like Steve was being ridiculous, which, maybe he was. “Sounds… chaotic.”
Again, Steve shrugged. “When is life not?”
Nancy frowned. “Maybe it’ll stop being that way if we just win this. We… this is it, I think. The end. And then after… maybe this’ll all be… back to normal.”
He squinted, the sun’s bright light pounding into his head like a solicitor on a hot summer’s day. He really wished he had a pair of sunglasses on him, but he rarely wore them anymore considering it apparently made him look like a douchebag.
“Yeah, well, I still have a bad feeling about this.”
“What? Why?”
“Jesus—“ Steve jumped a bit at Eddie’s voice, having forgotten the man was laying behind the driver’s seat, “Maybe because the Upside Down is full of weird monsters and Jason’s band of Sunday schoolers are out and about and oh, yeah, the whole plan revolves around—“ he lowered his voice, “—A child, a literal freshman. I don’t like the odds.”
“Steve, we talked about this, we don’t have a better plan,” Nancy said, strained, “And we don’t have to worry about Jason, he’ll be running around Loch Nora all night because of what you said.”
“We just— we don’t know that, okay? Plus, I still don’t want Dustin in the Upside Down,” his voice stayed low, knowing Dustin could be lightly offended by the sentiment, “He’s a smart kid but he’s still a kid. If something happens to him I— his mom would freak out,” Steve reasoned.
Eddie hummed. “What’d you tell Jason? You guys saw him in there?”
Steve scoffed, “You probably don’t want to hear half of what he said, but I may have implied that you where hiding out in my shed, so,” he finished, Eddie looking at him incredulously.
“I never would’ve thought to hide out around Loch Nora,” Eddie said, “I bet that threw him far off his trail,” the metalhead looked pensive from the corner of Steve’s eye, “I mean… it’d break Dustin’s baby metalhead heart but we can go two for two in the upside down. The ladies can go for Vecna, we can distract the bats together—“
Steve opened his mouth to protest, but Eddie was quicker.
“Which, by the way, would be much better considering we’ll just hide out in my super metal other dimension trailer and you need the break,” Eddie reached across the drivers seat and pointed at Steve’s abdomen, “You're bleeding, still.”
Nancy’s eyes widened. “Steve, should you even be driving right now?”
“Oh, uh, I’m fine. But I mean are you sure?” He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel nervously, “Vecna’s like, the big bad, will two people be enough?”
Eddie made a large sweeping motion with his neck, turning to Nancy. “He doesn’t think the ladies can handle himself, huh?”
“Eddie, fuck you,” Steve groaned, “That’s not what I—“
“I think it’s good,” Nancy stated with a curt nod. “Robin’s got a decent throwing arm, hopefully.”
Steve grimaced. “Maybe we should take a stop to prepare ourselves.”
Dustin hated the new plan, but was sedated with the promise of a private Right-Side Up concert from Eddie. Max was huffing and puffing because her teenage angst riddled mind thought that the older kids saw the younger ones as incapable, but after much convincing from Nancy that the Creel House mission was a lot more important and harder to execute, she quieted her protests. Lucas and Erica, who were probably turning out to be Steve’s favorite kids these days, gladly accepted the plan, no longer having to worry about Dustin, who they were both more close with than they’d want to admit.
Impending doom settled over the meadow that Steve had parked the RV on, but there was hopefulness slowly rippling through. Steve smiled softly watching Eddie play-tackle Dustin, at Lucas and Erica smiling at each other.
“Hey, so like does throwing things have anything to do with like, which hand you write with? Right? Do they teach you that in Gym class—“
“Uh,” Steve turned to Robin, who was very haphazardly aiming her empty glass bottle at the mark Steve made on a nearby tree, “Yeah, you throw with your dominant hand— don’t hold it like that, that's where its going to be on fire, Rob.”
“Sorry, not all of us can be Babe Ruth!”
“I literally never played baseball.”
Robin snorted, fixing her form and only missing the target by a few inches. She then plopped herself on the ground and beckoned for Steve to join her. He held back a groan that probably would’ve come out sounding like a ninety-seven year old man sitting in an equally old recliner and sat, criss-cross crisis-sauce.
He called it that because he tended to end up on his ass like this during any sort of crisis.
“You know, I totally had a gut feeling that things weren’t going to turn out alright this time, and I was so relieved when you said something. It still doesn’t feel right, though.”
“Tell me about it,” Steve pursed his lips, "We're still missing El, Little Byers, hell even Hopper-" he inhaled sharply, "I'd be jumping for joy if any of them showed up. It's weird going up against this without the big hitters. It feels like-"
"Like we're a bunch of kids trying to stop an interdimensional wizard monster?"
"Yeah, that. Plus, you'd think the government would show up by now. I mean, if we even make it out of this alive, Eddie's still being accused of murder. No one's going to buy the interdimensional wizard monster thing, obviously, but... I don't know... what if they make him take the fall for this one? Wouldn't that be shitty?"
Robin scoffed. "Sounds government level shitty, yeah. You're worried about him, aren't you?"
"Duh," Steve admitted, easier than he expected himself to, "He doesn't deserve this shit."
Steve let his eyes slide to Eddie, who seemed to be in deep conversation with Dustin. Though, knowing the two of them they could just be talking about something geeky, like whatever a shire is...
"Do you ever think," Robin paused, startling Steve into looking at her, "... of me... differently, because of..." She trailed off, looking towards Eddie the same way Steve had just been.
"Because of...?" Steve encouraged.
She shook her head. "Eddie. He's like me. I know he is, because I just... I know. Does that make you think differently of him?"
Steve was quiet for a moment. Mostly because he had no idea was Robin was getting at.
"He likes girls?"
Robin chuckled and let her head fall between her interlocked hands.
"Steve..."
Oh.
He's heard that "Steve..." before.
Steve snorted. "He likes guys, you think?"
"I think I know," She said, "And I think... you shouldn't think differently of him because of that-"
Steve interrupted her, "Why would I? It didn't make me think differently about you. Except of course that I had no chance with the coolest chick on the planet, but in retrospect I may have dodged a bullet."
Robin elbowed him lightly, aware of his injuries.
"I'm just saying," She said, slowly, "That you and him... could be close. He needs a friend. I know you like... his company. Don't let yourself get in the way."
Steve blinked.
"I-" He let out a slightly manic laugh, "If... we're going to die, I might as well tell you... I don't think you need to worry about it. I... I've been thinking for a while-"
"Uh oh."
He rolled his eyes. "I just want to say that I'm sick of pretending like I only look at girls or care what girls think of me. I'm tired of everyone acting like Nancy and I have any chemistry or that any part of that relationship can just be... mended, back to how it was junior year. And I'm..."
Robin's lips parted in realization. Steve looked at the grass like it was the most interesting thing in the world.
"I'm just... me," Steve exhaled, "And I'm not sure what that means yet, but I sure as shit won't judge anyone else for being something that I'm not even sure I'm... not."
Suddenly Steve understands the look in Robin's eyes in the bathroom stall last summer. He understands her fear of silence, of judgement.
A warm but unsteady hand laid itself over his. His eyes darted up to meet the girl next to him. He was greeted with a shaky smile.
"We're gonna make it out of this alive. And then..." Robin stated, scooting closer to Steve and laying her head on his shoulder once she was close enough, "We're gonna have all the time in the world to figure out who we are."
Steve let his shoulders sag, releasing tension he didn't know he had.
"You bet your ass we will."