Chapter Text
Lan Wangji has always been untouchable to Wen Ning. The sight of him from afar was enough for Wen Ning to admire the elegant figure of the music prodigy walking down the hall of Gusu University. He never fails to capture the peoples’ attention with his presence, their gazes secretly following his figure and sighing over how untouchable the man seems. Wen Ning was one of them; merely being able to watch Lan Wangji if he so happens to be in the same room as him or simply hear gossips about the reserve man.
Wen Ning does not understand know why he is interested in Lan Wangji. Is it because of the accident? Did the rejection from that short moment really planted itself deep into Wen Ning’s conscious to make him take notice of Lan Wangji, even if it meant shy, quick glances toward the man and secret smiles when he hears a small tidbit of him? Wen Ning hasn’t felt like this before except when it comes to Wei Ying…Could it be?
Nonsense, there is no such thing. Wen Ning barely knows anything about the guy to evoke any such emotions about him. Its just curiosity thats all, simply plain curiosity.
But then just his luck Nie Huaisang introduced them to the Musical Department’s golden boy. While Wei Ying took quickly to Lan Wangji, the same goes for Lan Wangji despite how he tries to hide it, Wen Ning’s introduction wasn’t quite pleasant. His greeting was terse and cold, a quick shake of hands that Wen Ning unfortunately saw how Lan Wangji had secretly wipe his hand with a handkerchief out of everyones’ sight afterwards. Honestly, that hurts even when he knew of Lan Wangji disliking being touch. And whenever Wen Ning does take the chance to converse with Lan Wangji, an icy, sharp glare was directed at him and only short or non-verbal replies were said between them.
Wen Ning felt like a fish out of water, completely unsure what he should do with his situation. He tried, he really did but it slowly chipped away the hope he had of getting to know Lan Wangji closely with every single rejection he received from this person. He wanted to get to know him, hope to become friends like how easily it goes for Wei Ying who includes himself in any situation effortlessly. If Wei Ying could do it, why not Wen Ning too? But Lan Wangji was quite adamant in his ways of ignoring Wen Ning and Wen Ning, rather than wagging his tail and waiting for a scrape of attention from Lan Wangji, pulled back and accepted the treatment he dreads to admit.
He knew from that first introduction, from that one sharp look from golden eyes, that he would never have had the chance to gain friendship from Lan Wangji. Lan Wangji made it very clear his presence around him was not appreciated.
Wen Ning came to accept the truth, Lan Wangji hates Wen Ning.
*****
Well, that’s what he thought. Here Lan Wangji sits before him, fidgeting in place and looking downwards, very much like a child who got themself in trouble. His blank expression does not hide the nervous tremors of his fingers and the strained look in his eyes, as if he is expecting a scolding or something similar from Wen Ning.
Wen Ning finds its absolutely adorable.
“You’re shaking, Lan Zhan,” Wen Ning takes both his hands and gently holds them close. His thumbs gently massage the palms of Lan Wangji’s hands, caring for them until the shakes subside. It gradually does and Wen Ning lets out a relief hum. “There, nothing to be nervous about. Its just me Lan Zhan,”
After taking a few deep breaths, Lan Wangji does finally turn to look at Wen Ning and Wen Ning very much wanted to bring the man into his arms and hug him tight. How could he not when he sees the longing yet conflicted gaze from those golden eyes. He wants so much to comfort Lan Wangji and to understand where this need of his to reject himself the things he desires. He also wants to knock some sense into this dummy.
“…Of course I am nervous, its you,” Lan Wangji exclaims, a bit of frustration can be heard from his tone of voice.
Wen Ning thought Lan Wangji would pull his hands away from Wen Ning’s hold but instead, he takes Wen Ning’s hands and presses a kiss to them, lips softly press at the back of his hands sending a spark of delight into his body. His body slightly shivers at the sudden action. Lan Wangji proceeds to take Wen Ning’s hand and presses his cheek to the warm palm while the other lays on Wen Ning’s lap, long fingers used to create music gently grasping Wen Ning’s wrist. This time, its Wen Ning’s turn to be comforted, his inner wrist gently stroke. It feels nice.
Wen Ning slightly tilts his head to the side. “Why so?” he can’t help but question, curious with the other person’s answer. What he got instead are wide eyes looking at him quickly moving to the side and sees the tip of Lan Wangji’s ear turning red.
Really adorable.
“Why are your turning shy around me now?” Wen Ning chuckles, gently turning Lan Wangji’s head to face him. He sees the pinched look of embarrassment colouring his (Lan Wangji) expression and you cannot expect Wen Ning to not poke fun at him a bit. “Lan Zhan, you are so cute,” Wen Ning pinches his cheek, brightly smiling at Lan Wangji who has turn absolutely red.
Lan Wangji tries to hide his reaction, but Wen Ning sees it all. Being this close to Lan Wangji, being able to see the expression he is showing to Wen Ning is all too sweet. Thus, he couldn’t help himself but give a small peck to the man’s cheek which shook said person’s whole world.
Lan Wangji’s eyes widen, letting out a small incredulous gasp at Wen Ning’s bold action.
“Wen Ning!’ he says in surprise. His face grows even redder when Wen Ning chuckles at the face Lan Wangji was making, this time cooing at such cuteness coming from the impassive man.
Lan Wangji gently pushes Wen Ning back to give them some space, directing him a look that tells him to behave. Wen Ning obediently follows, not wanting to push more and risk scaring the guy. Still~ its quite difficult for Wen Ning to not tease Lan Wangji.
Seeing Wen Ning obediently waiting for Lan Wangji’s next move with those large, dark twinkling eyes of his lighten with mischief (since when had Wen Ning learn this trick from Wei Ying!) Lan Wangji is quite unsure how to start this specific conversation that has been going through his mind these last few days. Its not like he hasn’t built up a conversation in his head on how to approach this to Wen Ning but every time there is a chance for him to do so, he froze up. But Lan Wangji knows he should not continue delaying this as to avoid anymore misunderstanding and confusion between them. For the sake of their future and relationship, Lan Wangji has to be brave. He promised Wen Ning and Lan Wangji was not one to start breaking promises.
“You are being very…forward,” Lan Wangji stated, his blush lightens with a serious expression shown to Wen Ning. He needs to focus, he cannot get sidetrack from the cute facial expressions and light giggles even if Lan Wangji wants so much to just stare at Wen Ning and be fascinated with everything he does, even if its just smiling at him (Lan Wangji) and hearing Wen Ning call him a silly fool.
Wen Ning directs him an impish look. “Well, I did some thinking and I figured its better for me to be honest with my feelings, since this all happened because we weren’t being honest,” he entangles their fingers together. “Plus, someone promise me that they would stay by my side and make up for all the hurt they have given me. They even vowed that their heart is mine to take and do whatsoever. That is heavy, don’t you think so Lan Zhan,” Wen Ning lightly enquires, dark eyes inquiring Lan Zhan for a respond. Lan Zhan is slow to respond, his mind figuring out those words said to him the moment it was utter from those lips.
Heavy, was Lan Wangji’s love heavy? Did Wen Ning think he was too much? Oh god, did Lan Wangji lose his chance to win Wen Ning even before he started? Did he-
Soft laughter brings him back from his thoughts. The laughter coming from Wen Ning. “Gosh Lan Zhan, you don’t have to beat yourself up that much. I was just making conversation. I didn’t mean to make you doubt yourself…though, I don’t mind you know. It means you are very passionate,” Wen Ning shyly expresses, this time his cheeks colouring the same way as Lan Zhan’s and his gaze looking down avoiding Lan Zhan’s though seconds after he does look up beneath fluttery dark lashes. Lan Wangji’s throat suddenly feels dry.
For heaven’s sake, dear heart calm yourself!
Lan Wangji clears his throat, regaining his composure. “You, you do not mind?”
Wen Ning shook his head. “Being passionate just means you can be a bit intense, which isn’t a bad thing! If being friends with Wei Ying has taught me anything, a bit of passion is needed to get something through since I can be a bit blind to my surroundings and umm, I’m not making any sense am I?” Wen Ning chuckles, his fingers fidgeting, a nervous gesture Lan Wangji recognises whenever Wen Ning gets a bit skittish. Lan Wangji gently squeezes his hand, breaking Wen Ning from his internal rambling and self-doubt. That seems to ease Wen Ning back into the conversation as a grateful smile graces those lips of his. “I like it. Don’t change,” he stated in a serious tone, in which Lan Wangji does not hesitate to nod in agreement.
Wen Ning lets out a sigh of relief, looking at Lan Wangji with warmth in his gaze.
“We finally get the chance to talk,” he says. Lan Wangji agrees, he finally got the chance to be alone with Wen Ning, just the two of them without any interruption from the others.
There were many chances but something always seem to interrupt them when Lan Wangji was about to say something to Wen Ning. Even with Wei Ying’s encouragement and help to give him an opportunity, Lan Wangji would freeze and well, ends up chickening out. But right now, he is given a chance and Wen Ning is even the one approaching the much-needed conversation. Lan Wangji must not delay this any longer.
“Yes. I did not mean to stall. Its just, I did not know how to start,” Lan Wangji sighs dejectedly. Pathetic. Has he ever been this ineloquent?
Wen Ning noticing the mild distress Lan Wangji was experiencing, took pity on the man.
“I heard what you said,” Wen Ning quietly admits. “I…I didn’t know you felt that way about me Lan Zhan,”
“You…you heard?” Lan Wangji half-hoped that Wen Ning did not hear his rambling, in all honesty what he said was quite embarrassing. He admits that he was in an unfortunate state that caused him to be loose lip thus expressing his insecurities and with Wen Ning being unconscious, it would not hurt to confess what he felt when it comes to the timid and shy man. How wrong he is. He had shown a side of weakness that he has never showcase to anyone except for Wei Ying. What impression did Wen Ning have of him now? Lan Wangji fears the answer to that.
“The voices were unclear at first, words sounded gibberish but thankfully became clearer. Then, I heard your voice calling my name. Lan Zhan is very sweet,” Wen Ning feels shy admitting this. “I…like I said before, I always thought you hated me and I never knew why. So, to hear you say all that, it is overwhelming,”
Lan Wangji nods his head in understanding. He can be…a bit intense.
“I apologise if I have made you uncomfortable,”
“Oh no, don’t take it the wrong way. I do not mind, really. Actually, it helps make sense of some things. Umm, Lan Zhan, did you really hear me sing?”
“Yes. You have a beautiful voice Wen Ning,” Lan Wangji openly expresses, oblivious to Wen Ning’s embarrassment. Wen Ning pouts at Lan Wangji.
“That was a private moment, Lan Zhan. You should have made your presence known,” Wen Ning scolded in which Lan Wangji quickly again apologises, no matter how cute a pouting Wen Ning is.
“I do not regret stumbling into that room. You might not know this but Wen Ning, that first encounter albeit an unofficial introduction between us, left a mark in me. I was not just mesmerised by your singing but your smile and open expression, I could not look away. It seems you and Wei Ying have that effect. I knew I could not stay away after meeting the both of you,” Lan Wangji says, lost in his memories as he remembers that moment Nie Huaisang introduced them.
Lan Wangji was not easy to make friends with, that is true in the present day though slightly better now (he is bettering himself to be more approachable). He even admits this to himself, aware how difficult he can be and how his demeanour can be off-putting and regarded as arrogant. Lan Wangji, as any young adult, dismisses other peoples’ view about him, simply wanting to go through university and live his life without any trouble as he goes through the path laid out for him. Back then, befriending people was an obstacle he wished to avoid, believing them to be burdensome and slowing him down on the way to achievement. Though, that is not the only reason.
Lan Wangji considers himself a child who is well-love by their parents. Him and his brother do not lack in parental love and care and Lan Wangji was a happy child despite the circumstances of their parents’ marriage. There have always been rumours about his parents specifically his mother who came from a lower standing. His late grandfather made his disproval known but his father insisted on marrying mother so they did without grandfather’s blessing. Even so, mother faced lots of prejudice and people spoke ill behind her back, though it lessen. Still, words came around and a young Lan Wangji knew more than he should. He ignored it all, even when the kids who were pushed to befriend him by their parents said a lot of mean and hurtful things, especially after his parents passed away. Children are honest and tactless, they are unaware of how hurtful their words are and some of the words spoken can only be said from hearing an adult speak about it. Lan Wangji lost trust on people.
He did not trust anyone except family and those he considers (and choose) to be friends with. Nie Huaisang, who he had known since childhood with their older brothers being friends, had to painstakingly earn his trust and friendship which Lan Wangj is internally grateful for his friend for not giving up on him.
With that said, Lan Wangji had very few people he considers friends (you can count it with one hand) and he was content with that. So imagine his displeasure when Nie Huaisang decided to force him into making new friends. A begrudging Lan Wangji was force to attend a group hangout after weeks of successfully avoiding Nie Huaisang after his luck ran out when his friend finally cornered him, threatening to tell Lan Xichen. Lan Wangji had promised his brother he would try to make friends and Lan Wangji did not want to face his brother’s disappointed face. So, he had himself dragged by Nie Huaisang, hoping this would not take long and maybe slipped away without being notice. Who would have thought the friends Nie Huaisang mentioned would include Wei Ying and Wen Ning.
Maybe it was a sign to one of his wishes being granted, to be able to get close to the enchanting young man who had stolen his heart that night with the tune of their flute and playful encounter. Their interaction was short but Lan Wangji had held that memory and wished to meet Wei Ying again, yearning for something he could not comprehend. Yet, his pride held him back from doing so. Easy to say, Lan Wangji’s head was filled with Wei Ying and made him miserable. So to have this opportunity, of course Lan Wangji would gladly grab onto it. The thing is, he only then found out that the person who had been occupying his thoughts since that day was childhood friends with the mesmerising stranger he came across in the music room whose voice made his mind go blank and stop.
Lan Wangji, quoted by Nie Huaisang, is an emotionally stunted person who comes short when it comes to himself. Harsh but Lan Wangji cannot seem disagree. So, you see, he panicked. Lan Wangji did not know where this attraction towards those men was coming from. He had never been interested in anyone in a romantic setting or anything related to it, he wasn’t even interested in physically being with someone even if its out of curiosity. The idea to be in a romantic or sexual relationship had never been thought before. So yes, Lan Wangji panicked because he was both romantically and sexually interested in two men and he did not even knew it. He was doom from the start.
So what does he do? Well, because he was still comprehending the mess going in his brain and having an existential crises in his sexuality plus being attracted towards not one but two men, Lan Wangji made the dumb decision to focus on one, Wei Ying.
He thought it was a mistake, a miscalculation in his part for falling for Wen Ning. He was probably captivated by his voice for a moment, a short fancy that was forgettable (and how wrong he was. Wen Ning is someone he could never forget).
Did he regret it? No, absolutely not. He got together with Wei Ying in the end and he was damn happy to be with Wei Ying and ended up raising a child together. Was he an idiot for neglecting probably one of the best friendship he could have gain? Yes, he was because he lost the opportunity to establish a connection with Wen Ning due to his misplace jealousy (in the first place, was he jealous of Wen Ning being close to Wei Ying or the opposite for that or both?) and only regretted it the more time passed and how difficult it got for them to converse or just being in the same room together. Civil acquaintances is what they were (could they even be called that when they barely spoke to one another?) and Lan Wangji curse himself for being such a damn bastard to a sweet and kind person like Wen Ning. How could the man tolerate Lan Wangji when he had acted so childish, even Lan Wangji himself cannot accept it.
In the end, after Wen Ning disappeared, Lan Wangji realizes why he acted that way. Attraction disguise as jealousy, ego pushing back the adoration he had towards the sweet, shy young man and and denial blanking the truth of it all, love. He was in love with Wen Qionglin and he destroyed any chance he had from that first, official meeting because he could not figure out himself. He set himself out to fail and Lan Wangji can only blame himself for that.
That is why he is grateful for this chance. The moment they met again had restore faith in Lan Wangji. A miracle for him to be able to explain and gain forgiveness from Wen Ning, a prayer granted after years of guilt and regret. He hoped for a chance and he finally got it. Lan Wangji will not let this end like before. Like with Wei Ying, he won’t let go.
“You did not deserve how I treated you. If I could change the past, I would do it differently,” Lan Wangji laments, guilt-stricken from remembering the past.
Disliking the expression he (Lan Wangji) is showing, Wen Ning smoothen the frowns on Lan Wangji with gentle touches to his face. This only made Lan Wangji remorseful of his past actions towards the man. Such kindness should not be given to a person like him.
“Lan Zhan, you should not be too hard on yourself. We were young and we make mistakes,”
“The folly of youth,” Lan Wangji bitterly murmurs. “I still cannot believe you’ve forgiven me,”
Wen Ning’s mood sours, a deep frown etches itself on his face, very displease with Lan Wangji’s self-loathing. He quickly takes his hands back, surprising Lan Wangji at the lost of Wen Ning’s touch, and crosses his arms. He narrowed his eyes at the confuse man.
“So, what you said before, all of that were lies then?” Wen Ning pointed out to Lan Wangji confusion. “Its not like you to backpedal, Lan Wangji. Never thought of you as a liar,”
It took a moment for Lan Wangji to comprehend what Wen Ning meant and when he realises, he panics.
“No! What I said that day before you were conscious, came from the heart with all the sincerity I could muster up for you to hear. Please Wen Ning, believe me,” he begs, scare to have lost Wen Ning’s trust. He wants the sour expression from his beloved to disappear and bring back the smile to his lips, wanting him to smile at Lan Wangji like seconds ago. Why does he keep messing things up with Wen Ning? Why can’t he just be honest?
Wen Ning looks doubtful, watching Lan Wangji who grows nervous the longer the silence grows before letting out a tired sigh. At least now, to Lan Wangji’s relief, Wen Ning’s gaze has soften.
“Lan Zhan, maybe you don’t want to believe this but I have already forgiven you and might I remind you, I have express my forgiveness of our past many times now. I would like not to have to repeat myself or I might end up angry at you for the continuous cycle of guilt you have going on here. Its not cute,” Wen Ning expresses, having lost patience with Lan Wangji doubting himself. Is this how Nie Huaisang feels whenever Wen Ning laments about his own self-doubt? Nie Huaisang, thank you. You really are a good and patient friend.
“Where is the Lan Zhan who prides himself in self-control? The one who has the confidence in everything he does and prides himself in the perfection he strives to achieve? Where is the guy who does not care if his honesty sounds mean but actually he meant well? Where is the man who acts all cold and distant but has the kindness heart, secretly helping others without them knowing and lending them an ear and shoulder whenever one of us have something to vent about? This isn’t the Lan Zhan I came to know and love!” Wen Ning says, breathing heavily as his chest heaves after bursting out the words. He could not stay quiet. As much as he loves Lan Wangji, even Wen Ning can’t handle the man precariousness. After the heartfelt confession he received (the one Lan Wangji expressed when he was still unconscious), Wen Ning isn’t about to let this man easily backtrack. If he thinks Wen Ning is that easily deterred, then this man has one thing coming to him!
“Lan Zhan is a liar!” Wen Ning exclaims to Lan Wangji’s surprise. The man’s eyes goes wide at Wen Ning’s outburst but his gaze narrowed, a fiery distinct fire in those golden eyes Wen Ning instantly recognises from their days of youth. Those eyes that Wen Ning have love.
“I did not lie,” he growls, controlling himself but Wen Ning wasn’t making it easy for Lan Wangji.
“Then what? Were you trying to appease me with sweet words before kindly rejecting me, making me feel like an idiot? Did you easily give in again because Wei Ying made you? Everything Wei Ying wants, Wei Ying gets huh and Lan Wangji has to share his husband with a pathetic man like Wen Qionglin,”
“Wen Ning,” Lan Wangji warns, his voice laced with frustration the more Wen Ning speaks. But Wen Ning too was frustrated and since he was already at it, why not just add more oil to the fire.
“You must have had a laugh behind my back, finding me so easily compliant and I just couldn’t see because I was too blind with the both of you. Stupid, little Wen Qionglin, so easy to use, so desperate for affection that he would stoop so low into breaking off his own friend’s marriage thinking he could be happy by taking other people’s happiness. And you laugh and resent me don’t you Wangji? That’s why we keep playing this game of push and pull because I’m just-,”
“Wen Qionglin!”
Wen Ning instantly goes still and his mouth snaps shut at Lan Wangji shout of his name.
Lan Wangji stands before him, his expression one of intense anger. He has his trembling hands to the side in a tight fists, his stature towering over Wen Ning as gold eyes intensely glare at him, as if looking down on a hunted prey. Wen Ning had to stop himself from showing an obvious gulp to how frightening Lan Wangji is. Lan Wangji has always been a frightening man but Wen Ning had never had the pleasure (thank god!) to be on the other side of the receiving end to Lan Wangji’s scary side…but maybe he has push his luck. Lan Wangji, right now, does not look too happy with him.
“I-,” “Quiet,” Lan Wangji orders, causing an involuntary squeak to come out from Wen Ning. “So-sorry,” Wen Ning stutters out an apology, looking down to his lap as his fingers shakily twist and rub one another, a nervous gesture caught by Lan Wangji’s sharp eye.
Lan Wangji’s anger dims at the sight of that, knowing how it comforted Wen Ning whenever he gets tense and skittish. And it saddens Lan Wangji to have been the cause for Wen Ning to react that way.
Lan Wangji pushes his hair back, irritation drawing between his brow as he collects his thoughts and calm the surge of frustration threatening to make an appearance again. Really, Wen Qionglin always knows when to push his buttons and he cannot help but smile at the thought. One of Wen Ning’s admirable traits.
“You are so…vexing,” Lan Wangji expresses with a sigh. He finally turns to look at Wen Ning, a look of determination in his eyes. “Do you know how frustrated I am with you? Do you know how hard it is for me to control myself around you?” Lan Wangji closes his face to Wen Ning, a tense silent between them that Wen Ning does not dare to cut as his heart thumps like a wild rabbit. He can smell the sandalwood from Lan Wangji, the scent intoxicating him. “Do you know how much I adore you, Wen Qionglin?” his voice sends shivers down his spine. Wen Ning lets out a trembling breath, one that he has been holding in.
“How would I know all that when you have never shown me,” Wen Ning challenges, his voice trembling at the end. A dominant Lan Wangji…surprisingly, it was doing things to Wen Ning. No, none of that now! Its not the time to admire Lan Wangji. “Like now, you’re taking back your words, your promises to me. I may have been unconscious but I heard it all and, and you can’t take it back!” Wen Ning shouted at Lan Wangji, his frustration clear despite him unable to form a proper neat sentence. He is just that angry, so excuse his unrefined words. He is damn pissed at Lan Zhan!
Lan Wangji wasn’t doing a good job in explaining himself and the more Wen Ning express himself, angrily and passionately, the more Lan Wangji wanted to shut him up, preferably with a kiss.
And he does so to the shock of the both of them.
Lan Wangji has his hands on a Wen Ning’s face who was in mid-berate when he pulls him into a kiss. The moment their lips touch everything stop for them. Shock, definitely, speechless, you betcha, anticipation…for what?!
Wen Ning was stunned in place, unable to move as his brain started going hay-wired from having Lan Wangji’s lips on him. All be could register was how soft and gentle they were press to his.
Lan Wangji was the first to break the kiss and Wen Ning nearly let out a pitiful whine from having them remove so quickly. Truly, he is shameless! Where is his brain at right now; they were arguing and ended up kissing? Shameless!
He felt the man’s forehead press against his and Lan Wangji’s breath tickling his skin. Lan Wangji’s eyes were close, giving a slight calmness to his expression and with that Wen Ning could see how long his lashes are, how sharp his nose is and how attractive his facial features are, especially those lips, those lips that just kissed him.
Wen Ning felt flustered by their close proximity (and by his imagination) and begins stuttering a bit to fill in the awkward silence, though his words were incoherent. Lan Wangji begins to chuckle, his laughter light and easy as if a weight has been lifted from his shoulders.
“Give…give me a minute,” he softly tells Wen Ning, his voice a source of comfort to him as his thumbs (his hands still on his Wen Ning’s face) caress his cheeks gently. Wen Ning gulps, finding this surprisingly…calming. At least, Wen Ning isn’t a stuttering mess right now.
Lan Wangji finally opens his eyes, golden irises looking straight at Wen Ning’s dark ones. He pulls away to give some space between them and the hands on his face are remove but instead change to holding his hands. Wen Ning couldn’t look away from Lan Wangji, waiting with bated breath at his next move.
“You are…frustrating,” Lan Wangji starts, contemplating his next words. He is not much of a talker preferring actions to words so he finds it difficult to arrange his next sentence. But Wen Ning needs words, he needs reassurance, he needs…
“Why can’t this be easy?” he releases a sigh. Lan Wangji is stalling, Wen Ning knows he is stalling and for that, he pokes the man’s chest. Lan Wangji gives him a look of disbelieve because really, is this how someone is supposed to act after you kiss them. Nooooo. But Wen Ning is feeling bratty and confuse and slightly hysterical because he can’t think straight and he can’t think without imagining those lips of Lan Wangji again on his. Andddd, he is blabbering. Stop him, just stop him.
“You are so difficult,” Lan Wangji interrupts his musing, letting out a huff of tired amusement at him. Hmph! “Wen Ning, you like to put words into my mouth, you keep assuming things about me, about us and, and I cannot blame you for doing so. I have not proven worthy of your trust and Wei Ying and I, we have been selfish, utterly selfish and our lack of seeing straight when it comes to you is alarming,” he laments, as if he just realizes how dishonorable they have been or maybe not saying out the words and finally hearing yourself say it makes you knock back some sense into your head.
“Y-you have,” Wen Ning retorts, voice shaky but gaze unwavering as he says this to Lan Wangji. “You, no, the both of you have been so, so selfish that did it never occur to you two what I wanted, what I need. And I don’t like how you assume this or that is better for me Lan Zhan!” he grips Lan Wangji’s hands tightly. If it causes pain to the man, Lan Wangji wasn’t showing. “And how could you! How…how could you…don’t you love me Lan Zhan?” a tear drops on Lan Wangji’s hand. Wen Ning inhales a shaky breath as slowly more tears make an appearance. “Was all that, everything you said a lie?”
“No!” Lan Wangji quickly refutes. He wipes away the tears that seem to never stop from Wen Ning. “Never, I would never lie about that,”
“Then why do you keep doing this Lan Zhan?! Why do you keep trying to push me away?” Wen Ning sobs. He looks away from Lan Wangji, lips trembling as his teary expression morphs into disappointment. “You know what. Maybe I didn’t hear that heartfelt confession of yours. Maybe I was imagining it, so it doesn’t count!” Wen Ning did hear it, and he was touches and wanted to cry and very much wanted to confess his own feelings to Lan Wangji but Dumb-ji was being a dummy and Wen Ning isn’t going to roll over and show him his belly. No, that would be too easy. Lan Wangji needs to earn it!
Despite Wen Ning’s solid argument (even he knows he is being a brat), Lan Wangji patiently listens and does not interrupt, taking in the words and accusations in stride. Noticing Wen Ning’s silence, he finally, finally expresses himself.
“I am…scared, Wen Ning,” he conveys softly. “Honestly, this scares me, how my feelings towards you overwhelms me in a way that only Wei Ying has done. While Wei Ying can be honest and sure with what he wants and in tune with his feelings and emotions…I am not,” Lan Wangji takes in a deep breath. “Guilt in the way I have treated you and guilt in wanting you is stopping me from furthering this when it should have been enough with you finally accepting me as a friend, the one thing I have always regretted not gaining. And when i have that, it still was not enough,”. Wen Ning is about to start a new argument again but suddenly he felt gentle touches to his cheek that gradually move to his chin, held in a firm yet kind grasp. He almost lets out a small gasp seeing the fieriness in Lan Wangji’s eyes staring right back at him. “But you are right, I have been nothing but avoiding the inevitable, a coward who shuns away from what he desires from the moment I heard your singing voice back then,” he breaths in deep. “No more,”.
Again, Lan Wangji presses his lips to Wen Ning, and this time he takes his time savouring those lips he has been desiring since he locked these feelings up in his heart, ever since he promised his heart would belong to Wei Ning and only Wei Ning. Even with his husband’s consent and encouragement, even when they discussed this carefully and meticulously, its eating him in the inside betraying the vows he written and memorised to this day. Its guilt for loving a man who isn’t his husband, for wanting a man who so happens to be his husband’s childhood friend. His desires for these two different men who had evoke such strong feelings from Lan Wangji, so different yet the most loveable of all to Lan Wangji. It’s funny how he tries so hard to avoid this yet with his lips press to Wen Ning’s, it’s a wonder how long he survived without the feeling of these lips. Soft, shy and passionate, everything embodying Wen Qionglin. His perfect, adorable Wen Ning.
Lan Wangji disconnects their lips slowly breathing in, relishing the euphoria he felt in the moment, regretting to be apart from pink lips so soon. He watches Wen Ning, watches his reaction, and as expected, fluttering lashes of dark grey eyes and red flush cheeks. Adorable, absolutely adorable.
“Wen Ning, I know I do not deserve you. I have not given you a strong enough cause for you to accept me after what we...I have made you feel but what I know, what I believe is I could give you the affection and care you deserve because you deserve it all Wen Ning. You deserve to be surrounded by warmth and comfort, to come home to comfortable quiet nights after a long day of work, to be surrounded by love and to be treated like a pampered prince. I want you to be able to relax, laugh and be yourself, the man who is kind and gentle but can be stern when he wants to and does not back down from a fight. I want that for you, I want to be that for you,” Lan Wangji confesses, his gaze not drifting away as he spoke these words that come from the heart.
Wen Ning is looking at Lan Wangji with disbelieve; he isn't sure if this is the same man who barely talks when it comes to matters of the heart. He is utterly surprise.
“I do not want to be a coward anymore Wen Ning. So let me say these words I said to you before. It's only fair since you were unconscious to hear it,” a small playful smile appears on Lan Wangji which causes Wen Ning to turn a bit red seeing this side from Lan Wangji. A devious man indeed.
“Wen Ning...I am a selfish man, a greedy man. I might not be good for you and this relationship, between Wei Ying, you and me might be inconvenient and we are sure to get into a few bumps and troubles on our way, with misunderstandings and miscommunication difficult to avoid...but I do not think I can avoid this anymore. I want you Wen Ning, I want to be with you,” fingers gently caress his cheek. Wen Ning unconsciously closes his eyes at the gentleness of Lan Wangji’s action. “Wei Ying had said his piece, I have been told by that husband of mine,” Lan Wangji chuckles at the thought of his husband, the man who always has to have the first say.
Honestly, when his husband told him his intention to invite Wen Ning into their marriage, shock was the only expression he could muster. Was he not enough, had he not treated Wei Ying right? And they talked, long and meticulous and voices raise in hushed tone not to wake up Lan Yuan. Tears, frustrations, and words express in a way that could be understood from both sides until Wei Ying pushed his buttons, intentionally making him this close to confessing those hidden feelings he kept locked and Lan Wangji, Lan Wangji in a burst of exasperation accidentally blurts it out, his true feelings towards Wen Qionglin. That was an awkward conversation but let's just say, both of them were honest and hashed it all out. Now, here he is, his turn to be a fool in front of Wen Qionglin.
“Wen Ning...my heart is yours. I have been denying these feelings far too long and it has reach to a point where I am not able to keep it in any longer. With every kind smile of yours, it takes my every breath away. With every comforting touch you place, it leaves a hot trail on my skin. With every word utter by those lips, I cannot help but think how beautiful it sounds saying my name. You’re the person I would love to wake up to every morning together with Wei Ying and the last every night. You and Wei Ying, the both of you have a permanent place in my heart,” Lan Wangji takes Wen Ning’s hands and place a kiss to his knuckles, eyes never straying away from Wen Ning’s teary ones. “Please let me stay by your side, please let me show you how much I adore you...I love you Wen Qionglin, please let me love you,”
The room seems to be shrouded in silence, only the sound of their breathing and the loud thumping of their hearts. A pin could drop and it would echo the entire room, that's how quiet it is. Lan Wangji’s heart is beating fast almost painful as he waits for Wen Ning to say something, anything at this point. Rejection from him would be a relief for Lan Wangji if his beloved just said something.
Lan Wangji snaps out of his stupor when he sees Wen Ning starts crying, silent tears running down his cheeks. He is trying to hold them in but fails, his hands still held by Lan Wangji held tightly, his expression a mix of frustration...and something Lan Wangji does not dare to assume.
Wen Ning looks at him with a deep frown, narrowed gaze focussing on Lan Wangji.
“You’re so...god, you are frustrating,” and Wen Ning proceeds to pull Lan Wangji to him thus surprising him until Lan Wangji’s upper body was falling into the bed. He feels the tight, warm embrace coming from Wen Ning and is stun in place by the sudden action. Lan Wangji, like a deer caught in headlights, stayed in that position, not moving except for maybe his arms slowly returning the hug.
Lan Wangji cannot see Wen Ning’s expression but he can feel the man trembling. He does not say anything, allowing Wen Ning to express himself.
“Why do you and Wei Ying have to be so difficult? I can’t stand how you two won’t just give up on me,” Wen Ning chokes up, he buries his face to Lan Wangji’s shoulder. Lan Wangji felt his shirt getting wet from Wen Ning’s tears.
“Wen Ning-,” “Quiet,” Lan Wangji instantly shuts his mouth. Grumpy Wen Ning mix with tears is a dangerous combination.
Wen Ning takes in a deep breath, tired of constantly having his tears shed by both Lan Wangji and Wei Ying. Who the fuck does these two men think they are?! So damn infuriating and constantly making Wen Ning doubt himself, thinking he could escape from their clutches but then Wei Ying confession at the art gallery during their search for A-Yuan and now Lan Wangji’s turn, this absolute fool of a man who shares the same tenacity as his husband…so fucking frustrating. What was the point of him disappearing for seven years then?! Is god laughing at him now? Urgh!!!!
“I wish I could quit you two…,” Wen Ning confesses with a groan as tears continuous fall from his eyes. “I wish I could hate you and Wei Ying and say no. I want to say no so bad…,” his fingers grip Lan Wangji’s tight to the point of pain but Lan Wangji holds it in, the physical pain is nothing compare to hearing the pain in Wen Ning’s voice.
Lan Wangji simply takes it in, both his words and the pain.
Wen Ning continues to speak, his voice cracking with every revelation of truth he kept in for all these years. “I hated you for taking my Wei Ying and I fallen for you at the same time. I didn’t understand why I wasn’t enough for Wei Ying, why I couldn’t be enough for him back then…but the more I stayed, the more I saw, I understood why. Lan Wangji, you are Wei Ying’s as Wei Ying is yours. And, and I couldn’t fathom it I guess until I saw you two saying your vows and…well we know where that lead me,” his voice lower to something akin to guilt.
Seven years in France trying to forget two men who engulf the entirety of his mind. Now that Wen Ning looks back, he realized that was too much but he wouldn’t claim to regret the decision he made. He never regretted those seven years in France except for leaving everyone behind without a word.
But now…god, he’s never gotten out of the rabbit hole has he?
“Fine…,” Wen Ning whispers, his voice like the calmness of the ocean after a storm. Lan Wangji is confuse with what he meant.
“Wen Ning?” Lan Wangji gives them a bit of space as he gently holds Wen Ning’s shoulders. He leans close to see the expression on Wen Ning’s face. Red eyes, red cheeks and red nose, but that calming smile, that smile of his was Lan Wangji’s demise to the one call Wen Ning. Sweet, vulnerable Wen Ning, ever since he first met Wen Ning, that smile has became the very reason why Lan Wangji could never stay away.
“You can have me, Lan Wangji. I want you to have me…you and Wei Ying,” Wen Ning confesses as he faces Lan Wangji, his gaze soft yet determined despite new tears starting to fall. “I can’t deny it anymore. I’m in love with you,” and with those words finally spoken after so long of keeping it in, Wen Ning felt lighter than ever. His heart becomes a bit lighter. “I love you, Lan Zhan,”
Lan Wangji stares into Wen Ning, sitting there still while he takes in those words spoken by this person who has taken his whole attention. Did he hear it right? Was Wen Ning really…
“Wen Ning…are you, you are not toying with me, right?” Lan Wangji thinks a slap to his face is deserve because Wen Ning hasn’t made sense and is confusing to Lan Wangji now. He just admitted to hating Lan Wangji during their uni days but also taken an interest on him and now confess his feelings to Lan Wangji. Well to be fair Lan Wangji also did he same thing and even kissed Wen Ning, KISSED. Wait, is Lan Wangji in the wrong and confusing himself or-
Wen Ning takes Lan Wangji’s face in his hands and makes him look at Wen Ning.
“You’re thinking too much,” Wen Ning huffs out, his eyes still tinged with red from crying but there is a soft fondness in them that never fails to take Lan Wangji’s breath away.
“I am…confuse,” Lan Wangji admits and Wen Ning lets out a sigh, but the fondness is still there.
“And I am not going to repeat myself again like a broken record,” he stated. “I am giving in, I am taking this chance of a love I have been hoping for years and I am giving you and Wei Ying a chance to show me if you deserve me,” a slight smirk appears on Wen Ning that causes Lan Wangji’s heart to flutter. “But you know…this doesn’t seem fair,”
Lan Wangji’s eyes blink, again he is confuse. Wen Ning just giggles and its music to Lan Wangji’s ears.
“Your other half, he isn’t here…or is he,” Wen Ning looks to the door and seconds later, as if he knew all this time, the hospital door to his room opens and a sheepish Wei Ying makes an appearance. Lan Wangji turns to see his husband and instantly blush as red as a tomato, knowing his husband had heard everything from the confession to probably seeing him kiss Wen Ning.
Wei Ying enters the room and skips inside until he reaches them. He shares a knowing look with Wen Ning and Lan Wangji…Lan Wangji thinks he is missing something here. Or maybe he is thinking too much.
“I wanted to give you two some space to talk but I couldn’t help myself. Got curious,” Wei Ying admits with a sheepish grin as he sits at the side of the hospital bed. He gently holds Wen Ning’s hand and his thumb caresses the soft skin. “But I think you two got your points across?”
“Yes…,” Wen Ning gives a thoughtful look to both Lan Wangji and Wei Ying and after seconds of silence, he speaks. “I’m giving you two a chance to redeem yourselves and pursue me, properly this time,” the tone of his voice is serious. A no-nonsense expression as he gives the two men a look that somehow looks stern enough to get the men’s attention despite Wen Ning being the one in bed after just recently having his head knocked unconscious. “No more mixed signals, no more trying to subtly seduce me into a relationship without a full explanation, no more guilt, no more regrets, no more of these damn misunderstandings, no more hiding…I want the full honest and real versions of yourselves loving me. I want us to communicate, to be honest with our insecurities, and that includes me being honest too. But you two get one more chance, just one. If you do this to me again, if I see nowhere this relationship is going in the future…I’m gone. Got it?” and the threat was therein his voice despite the calmness he was exuding. Judging from the expressions currently on Wei Ying and Lan Wangji, they got the message alright.
“I got it,” Wei Ying answers firmly before he turns to look at Lan Wangji, them sharing a look that only partners who have been together seem to excel in. He smiles brightly at Lan Wangji who has that rare small smile of his before both turn to me. “We promise. We’ll make it up to you. We’re going to show you all our effort to win you over and spoil you rotten with our love,” Wei Ying answers, with absolute, for them. Wen Ning cant help but fondly roll his eyes at them. Gosh, the things he does for theses two.
Well, Wen Ning is not going to make it easy for them. This time, he wants to be chase.
“Say it,” he demands because he deserves to be listen to especially by these two dummies.
And like the two swooning dummies they are, Wei Ying and Lan Wangji did just that. Both took one each of Wen Ning’s hands and grasp it gently, their gazes bright and resolute as they say the words.
“A-Ning, Wen Ning, will you be ours sweetheart?” Wei Ying speaks in a determined tone, but Wen Ning can hear the vulnerability in his voice despite the confident grin directed at him.
Lan Wangji softly kiss Wen Ning’s knuckles, his eyes boring into Wen Ning’s gray ones. “Wen Ning, will you allow us to pursue you, to love you with all our hearts, beloved?”
It will be difficult. Navigating a relationship between two people is already difficult, three, that’s just asking for trouble. They’re will be fights, misunderstandings, miscommunication, feelings will get hurt, wrong hurtful things will be said and Wen Ning is sure tears will be shed. But, theres also warmth, laughter, comfort, the feeling of being safe and at home, the feeling that you are cherish, that you are valued…love. Sometimes, all it takes is a big leap of faith.
Wen Ning pulls them into a hug, holding them close and tight. Their arms wrap around him, forming a circle of three. He can feel them, their warmth seeping into his skin and their heartbeats against his body. Its enough, right now its enough for Wen Ning to feel alive.
He wants this.
“Yes, I will be yours,” he admits in a breathless whisper, never wanting to let this go.
This chance, this one future he finally gives in, he’ll make it worth it.
***
“A-Ning ~ its not fair. Lan Zhan gets a lot more kisses compare to me,” Wei Ying whimpers as he nuzzles his head against my face. Childish, yet I can’t seem to complain.
“Dummy,” a simple exchange of lips between them quickly appeases his childhood friend and as Wen Ning glances at Lan Wangji, he (Wen Ning) can see the love in his eyes as he looks at us. Wen Ning knew, at that moment, they would be alright.
Along the way, more kisses will be exchange between the three…and maybe more.