Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

One week—one whole week Jake was constantly texting and calling Heeseung as he scratches out of the boredom of staying in the cashier of his aunt’s convenience store. 

Why?

All to organise the one and only—‘Bros On The Beach’ Trip!

Okay, that’s not the official name, of course. If it was, Jay would choke him to death because he deems it ‘too corny’ (he knows because he did try to appeal). Never mind that—all that he knows is it is going to be a blast.

All of them got together to plan a day when all of them have no plans to go to the beach. Just a day trip; Jay is the first to get a license while the rest of the have the learner’s permit still. By default, Jay will be the chauffeur. 

Sunoo also requested that his childhood friend, Riki tags along and everyone agrees. So, a mini-reunion for Sunoo, Riki and Jungwon as well.

It’s happening on two more days—Friday. They’ll gather in front of school in the morning, load up dad’s van and drive through the coast highway. 

Ahh, he missed the beach. Since he moved, he hasn’t gone to the beach—as he idly toys with the scanner on the counter, he reminisces the salty air of the beach, the sunny, bright blue sky with no clouds in sight. The cold breeze soothing the burn on their skin before the sea water hits their skin.

Right as he sighs, he hears the chime of a customer walking into the store, leading him to face the door. 

A familiar, fox-eyed boy walks in with an earphone stuck in one ear and his eyes scanning the store as he enters. Jake smiles, raising a hand up in the air.

“Sunny!”

He hollers, Sunoo responded with a gasp, his hand covering his mouth.

“Jake? Fancy seeing you here,” He chirps, going up to Jake who grins, propping his chin on his hand.

“My aunt and uncle owns this store,” He answered, Sunoo rightfully shows the shock on his face, “I go here quite often. This is news to me,”

Jake’s eyes attend to the boy, admiring the way he walks to the fridge to grab a can of Chilsung and a bottle of mineral water. Making a beeline back to the cashier before getting distracted by the freezer. 

Staring longingly at a mint chocolate ice cream bar, he pouted—he takes a moment to evaluate whether he needed the sweet treat. Of course he does. He pulls one out and lays everything on the counter.

“Wait—I think my dad told me to get some things,” Sunoo informs before he goes disappearing into the household aisle.

Chuckling, Jake starts scanning the items, thinking of how much he understands why Heeseung would adore him. There’s a charm around him; how he appeals like a delicate flower, ready to be coddled and cared for. 

A few minutes later, he comes back with a couple of more things and Jake rings them up. 

“We didn’t talk much during school, do we?”

Sunoo starts, making Jake glance at him as he scans the kitchen towels.

“Now that I think about it, yeah.”

Jake’s indifferent response makes Sunoo anxious, he remembers the whole ordeal in school. Now, being out of school makes him want to go back in time and do things differently.

“I guess I did transfer schools at an awkward timing—but you did a good job at making me feel welcomed,” Jake comments, his heart-shaped lips curl into a puppy-like smile, warm and cuddly. Makes Sunoo regret not spending more time with Jake before.

“Now that I know you’re here for the summer, then I could swing by often.”

Sunoo simpers when Jake gives him an enthusiastic exclamation followed by a fist bump. Counting the bills given by Sunoo in his hand, Jake giggled.

“Although, it feels like I know so much about you already.”

The vagueness intrigued Sunoo who tilts his head in questioning, “Oh, what do you mean?” 

“You come up in my conversations with Heeseung often. I would want to say all the time, but I’m okay with a little lie,”

Once Sunoo’s cheeks bloomed pink like the camellias outside, Jake knows that his hunch has always been on the spot. Unlike Heeseung who scratches his nape when he gets flustered, Sunoo looks away as he giggles.

“He’s going to come this Friday, right?”

Jake nods, “He was the reason I’m planning the Bros On The Beach—he should be the one to come too.” 

To his surprise, Sunoo burst into giggles, his hand covering his lips.

“I like that name.”

Jake’s lips shapes into an O.

“You and I would have clicked so well—Jay tried to murder me for it, but I just needed a cool name to complete this trip,”

Jake woefully explains, making Sunoo laugh breathily. His hand reaches out for the ears of the plastic bag, smiling.

“I just know that this trip is going to be a blast,”

He remarked, thanking Jake for the service and waved him goodbye as he left. Jake sighs in adoration, endeared by Sunoo’s overall character.

Sometimes, he wonders if Sunoo knows how much Heeseung likes him. And if he really does harbour feelings for Heeseung, why would he date Sunghoon instead?

♥︎

8 o’ clock sharp—Sunghoon sits on the bench outside of the school gate, playing games on his phone while waiting for others to arrive. Preferably Sunoo since he would love a little alone time with his boyfriend before the others arrive.

The sun was out and about—although it was still early, he’s already feeling a bit of the heat. He doesn’t really fancy summer and its hot weather; sweating involuntarily is not something he would do.

However, when Jake organised the trip, he wouldn’t miss it for the life of it. The best part of high school were his friends—a circle of people that were separately friends, but somehow came along into one big group.

Sunghoon’s known Jay casually since they were arranged next to each other according to the same surname. From that, he finds out that Jay is buddies with Heeseung.

Then, Jay started dating Jungwon who was best friends with Sunoo. Lastly, Jake came along and clicked with Heeseung in an instant.

The only person he knows but is yet to meet is Riki, Sunoo’s friend. From some of the anecdotes, he seems pretty cool too, so he’ll manage. 

The second to arrive was Heeseung, coming out from his driver’s car with a white snapback on. Sporting an awkward, lopsided smile to Sunghoon as he approached him.

“An early bird,”

Heeseung reaches his hand out for a dap. With a slight hesitation, Sunghoon looks into his face and a smile tugs, reciprocating his advance.

“Sent Yeji to her piano lesson first just now.”

“Oh, an illegal bird then,”

His rephrase made Sunghoon snort and chuckle. Not his fault his sister begged him to drive her this morning, but he understood how she didn’t want to be in the same car as their mother right after her piano recital yesterday.

One by one, they started arriving. Jay rolled up with the old van and everyone got in their seats.

Sunghoon opted for a seat next to Sunoo who today, to his absolute delight is looking extra pretty in the sun. Jake sat in the passenger seat while Jungwon couldn’t wait to catch up with Riki in the back seat. With no other option, Sunoo had to be sandwiched between Heeseung and Sunghoon.

Music from Jay (and Jake)’s playlist was playing on the radio and the constant bickering from the two about the directions on the GPS and the occasional snide remarks of Jay’s driving from Jake could be heard over California Girls and Party In The USA.

"Stop singing these songs, you American wannabe,"

"Shut your mouth up—I'll let you know that I'm a proud Aussie! If anything, you drive like an American!"

”What’s that supposed to mean, you nitwit?!”

Sudden bursts of laughter and guffaws from the back by Riki and Jungwon accompanies the journey once they cruised through the coast line.

The windows were down to feel the breeze, almost blowing off Heeseung’s cap. His panic causes Sunoo to accidentally snort and laugh, falling over to Sunghoon as they cracked up.

To ensure the safety of his cap, Heeseung secures the cap on Sunoo’s head. He’s sitting in the middle, Sunghoon thought, trying to ignore his unease. He still couldn’t formulate a way to keep his relationship with Sunoo without being wary of Heeseung like he was an arch nemesis.

But as he zones out, looking out of the window to see a sliver of the ocean beyond the highway, he lets the wind tousle his hair as he leans outside.

The cacophony of sounds—Jay and Jake bickering, the cliché summer pop songs playing, the laughter—he felt contented.

These people shaped him into who he is today. All of the fights, the horrible, criminally inappropriate jokes and the boisterous laughter shared together. The quiet, peaceful moments shared even in silence, or the security of knowing someone will have your back during your lowest.

These people; they accepted him for who he really is and made him a better man.

One day, they will part ways and he will be on his own—but he carries a piece of them wherever he goes; all of them becomes a part of him like a collage.

Something about that fact fills his chest with a sense of satisfaction—he will never look back and change a single thing about his experience.

“Oh my god—can you even park, Jay? You’re outside the damn box!”

“Maybe if you shut up then I could concentrate on parking this humongous vehicle, idiot!”

“Jeez, I was just singing so mind your business, you lonely old man,” 

"I'll let you know that I'm taken and proud, thank you very much."

Jay rolls his eyes, sighing as he repositions the van before switching the gear to park. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief, sliding the door open for the distant sound of seagulls excited them. 

Everyone brought out their personal items and their contributions. With their flip-flops, they started running around in the sand, searching for a good spot. They were already people coming in, but they managed to score a spot big enough for all of them.

Sunghoon lanced the umbrella deep enough in the sand for shade as Jungwon helped Sunoo lay the blanket down. 

Riki already started playing catch with Jake—Sunoo doesn’t know how that happened, but they are already getting along quite nicely. Jay brought a good spread of finger food, calling out for Riki and Jake back to their spot similar to a mother calling her children.

“It’s so sunny,” Jungwon commented as they scarfed down the sandwiches and fruits like their life depended on it. Sunoo agrees, nodding his head.

“Remind me to reapply my sunscreen later.”

“But you’re wearing a cap though.”

Sunoo glances up to realise that he forgot Heeseung gave him his cap in the car earlier.

“This is Heeseung’s, I’m just wearing it for a while,”

“Keep it, Sun.”

Sunoo and Jungwon looked at him, incredulous. Heeseung returns an assuring smile, “It looks better on you anyway,”

As Jungwon observes their interaction, he notices the faint blush Heeseung is trying to play cool about. On the other hand, Sunoo gives him a grin so wide, his eyes disappeared in his aegyosal.

Jungwon’s eyes ran to Sunghoon to see him immersed in talking to Jay and Jake to notice. He was a bit worried if Sunghoon was going to take it the wrong way. But he shouldn’t worry anymore—Jungwon believes Sunoo and Heeseung has put their story past them.

Though it was hard to believe that they weren’t the ones that got together, all that he cares is Sunoo is happy with his choice, and Heeseung respects their boundaries.

He still remembers the times when Sunoo fawned over him, stressing about how he looked and wanted to be presentable around him at all times. It was hilarious—he would be lying if he said he wasn’t rooting for them both—but people aren’t going to stay the same for four years. 

That’s just life. His gaze rests on Jay’s face, unknowingly a smile etches on his lips. He hopes the only thing that doesn’t change is their feelings for each other.

Riki stands up, dusting off the crumbs off his shirt and taking off his shades to place on the blanket. Suddenly, he shouts:

“Last to the sea treats everyone to ice-cream!”

Everyone starts hurriedly getting up, playfully cursing out Riki, telling him that it was unfair that he got a headstart—regardless, they booked it to the shore as quickly as they could with their insouciant guffaws ringing in the air.

Leaving Heeseung who stands with a fond grin, watching them running in the distance—and Sunghoon who lathers sunscreen all over his arms.

“You’re going in?” Heeseung asks, pulling out his shades from the pocket of his shorts. Sunghoon furrows his eyebrows and scrunches his nose.

“No—sea water is sticky, I hate the feeling.”

Heeseung chuckles, but doesn’t escape Sunghoon’s look on him.

“Aren’t you going in?”

Sunghoon questions, skeptical. To his surprise, Heeseung looks at the distance, shaking his head. Nothing entails to elaborate his reason—Sunghoon only nods and looks ahead.

The water is sparkling, glittering from the sun on top of their heads. Blue aqua, calm waves and a breeze fan on their skin.

“Sunghoon,”

Heeseung’s voice makes him face him, even though his gaze on the ocean stays.

“I’m sorry, for everything.”

Sunghoon stares, trying to process his words, face contorting before he nods in understanding—he was referring to their petty little feud over Sunoo. Sunghoon shakes his head, chuckling.

“Me too, Hee. I was pretty petty back then,” He admits, pressing his lips together into a thin line. 

It was absurd now that he thought of it; everything is so new and exciting for him, but he shouldn’t be acting childish.

He notices a buzz coming from Heeseung’s pocket, someone was calling him. Before he pointed it out, Heeseung whips his phone out and declines the call—it was enough time for Sunghoon to catch a glimpse of the caller ID—his father.

“Hoon, take care of him, okay?”

Heeseung finally spares a look at him, a smile on his face—but something felt off. It felt as if he was struggling to smile, like he wasn’t happy. 

“I will, hopefully.” Sunghoon gave him a reassuring pat on his shoulder. 

“I know you’re the right person for him. If it’s anyone I’ll willingly give up Sunoo to, it’ll only be you.”

His words made Sunghoon’s heart swell with relief and elation, making him grin. If he could say anything, he’d say that if it weren't for Heeseung, he wouldn’t have met Sunoo. 

Before he could speak his mind, they hear a honk nearby, their heads turn to see Heeseung’s driver waiting at the side of the road. Sunghoon turns his head sharply, facing Heeseung with confusion.

“You’re not going back that soon, right?”

He clarifies, but to his dismay, Heeseung could only muster a faint, tired smile.

“There’s some family matters I have to attend to, but you guys have fun,”

Sunghoon’s face says everything about his reluctance, but he notices something on Heeseung’s face before he pulls Sunghoon in for a side-hug. 

“Promise you’ll tell them I said goodbye—I trust you.”

Before he could question any further about how peculiar he was talking, he lets go and waves Sunghoon good bye before he runs into the car without looking back.

Even though Sunghoon felt troubled, weirded-out, he waved back. Curiosity brewing in his mind as he watches the car go, going further and further away until he realizes he was too far away.

His heart felt unquiet about the situation, but by the time the others came back soaked and wet like a dog, he felt as if he was burdened.

Jay looks around, his hand patting his body dry from the sea water, his hair dripping wet like the rest.

“Where did Heeseung go?”

“He went back a little early—family matters—but he said bye to everyone,”

Everyone groaned in disappointment, now they’re down to just six. It’s going to be less fun. 

In amidst of the boys drying themselves, Sunghoon catches a glimpse of Jake exchanging a look with him—a knowing stare, like he knows something of the situation, but is keeping quiet. 

“Excuse me,”

Everyone turned to see a woman in her thirties carrying a styrofoam box, setting it down.

“Someone bought these for you—he says he’s your friend.”

Everyone looked at each other, faces lit up before chorusing a thank you to the lady. Without missing a beat, everyone jumps to the box—almost rolling on the floor before someone opens the lid to reveal a box filled with ice—and a variety of ice-cream, multiple flavors to choose from.

“Must be Heeseung!”

Sunoo exclaims, followed by a loud, gleeful year as the ruckus of fighting over all of the flavors ensues. Jay and Riki were at heads with each other over chocolate and Sunghoon was complaining of the absence of coffee ice-cream anywhere.

There’s never a dull moment with these guys—though times like this, Sunoo prefers to wait out all of the tugging and shoving because he is not going to fight over ice-cream

“Ew, mint chocolate?”

Jungwon picks out, holding it by the corner of the packaging like it was hazardous material and grimacing. Sunoo perks up, surprised at the mention of his favorite flavor.

Everyone stares at him, all disgusted as Sunoo gladly snatches it from Jungwon.

His heart fills with joy upon ripping the plastic open, taking a bite of the cold concoction. Heeseung still remembers, he thought to himself, can’t help but to smile. It was thoughtful of him to pick it out for Sunoo.

I should thank him, he opens his phone, snapping a pick of the ice-cream in hand and scrolls to his name in his messages to say thanks. Scrolling, he finds it difficult to find his name. He just texted me a day ago, no way is he at the bottom?

He continues to scroll, giving up and searching his name when his face twisted in confusion.

There were no matches found for “Lee Heeseung”.

“No way. Jay, what’s Heeseung’s number?”

Jay swallows his ice-cream, giving a moment to recall before he recites it to him by heart, Sunoo dials the number and gives it a call.

The number you have dialled is not in service.

His pallor pales almost immediately, his brows knitted. He lifts his face up from his screen, looking at everyone who was now staring at him with concern, not a word uttered.

“Check your phones for Heeseung’s number—now.”

One by one, everyone checked their contacts and messages to find no trace of him left. Every time they dialed his number, it will always end with the same thing.

The number you have dialed is not in service.

His blood ran cold, just like how his ice-cream melts on the paper plate, now long forgotten as everyone tries again, in denial that Heeseung would suddenly cease to exist in everyone’s device all at once.

It could only mean that Heeseung deactivated his number altogether.

“Why would he do that?”

Sunghoon breathed out as everyone stood in silence, trying to figure out this problem. They exchanged looks, each of them with their own worried expression permeating through their shiny happy faces. 

“There’s probably a reason for this, right? Maybe he changed his number but forgot to give us the new one.”

Jay reasons, carding his hair back. His own blank face staring in disbelief counters his confidence. His words only uttered to lighten the situation.

“Yeah, must be a brain fog.” Jake added, nodding as he bit his lip, gnawing from anticipation. 

♥︎

The ride back home fell short of the initial sparks of joy earlier. 

It seems that everyone is making conversations, still laughing and bickering. The radio is playing their songs, just at a lower, less discernible volume just to fill up the void of silence.

No one is trying to acknowledge the restlessness in their chest, yet, everyone chose to not bring it up.

Speculations could only lead to slander, Sunoo thought, trying to be optimistic. Leaning on Sunghoon’s shoulder as he lets him idly play with his hair while he sits in silence.

It seems like he was the only one refusing to deny the situation.

Grim thoughts were circulating in his head no matter how hard he tries to ignore it—especially when Sunghoon mentions how the last person that called Heeseung was his father. 

The others might have a gist of the situation in his family—but Sunoo had an in-depth view of how it works. He knew it must’ve taken a lot in Heeseung to finally convince him to let him accept the scholarship, and he doesn’t know what type of agreement was finalized upon. 

Could it be that Heeseung is being restricted of his free will to go out and have fun? Perhaps that was a condition to let him have the future he wanted.

But Sunoo doesn’t know, and he could only do so much. Before he knows it, they were right back at where they left off. 

As everyone gets off, they take their things out with them, thanking everyone for the abundance of memories and joy they experienced today.

A promise for another meet-up later for some more fun, and then Sunoo waved everyone goodbye.

“Want me to walk you home?”

Sunghoon offered, playing with Sunoo’s fingers. Sunoo gives him a tired smile, shaking his head.

“It’s alright, Hoonie. You must be worn out too after today,”

Sunghoon nods, understanding that the answer was only reflecting Sunoo’s inner thoughts. After the ordeal of Heeseung’s number, Sunoo might have been shaken up by the terror.

Sunghoon couldn’t shake the feeling off too—there’s something that the must have overlooked when he last talked to Heeseung.

Instead of their usual wave and bye, Sunghoon pulls him by his forearm—and wraps him in his embrace. Sunoo was caught off-guard by his action, but instead of resisting, he savors in the warmth accompanied by the assurance that Sunghoon is there for him.

“Thanks, Hoonie.”

They part ways, walking in different directions to their respective homes. 

Something was bothering Sunghoon; a gut feeling.

Walking off, Sunoo makes his way to his place, followed by the strange cold air around him. Everything seems wrong somehow—like every thing is placed an inch askew from its place. 

People passing by, walking their dog, having their afternoon jog, chatting with friends, sightseeing; his heart starts racing without a reason.

He changes his plans.

After texting his sister he’ll be at home a little late, he stops at the side of the sidewalk and tries to remember where it was. 

He doesn’t think about anything else. He couldn’t think of anything else—of anyone else. All that was in his head were about him—Heeseung. 

Each turn, each time he crosses the road, all of the faces passing by blurs into one drab hue as his mind clears up and fogs again. 

The closer he feels he is to his house, the worse his anxiety gets, restricting his breathing but his mind gets more and more crowded like a carnival.

He wants to cry; he doesn’t know why. But as he hastens his steps, he feels everything in this world was getting distorted. It was spinning without him. 

And as he arrives, standing at the guardhouse of the residence, his hands starts shaking. 

Answers—all he needed was answers.

“Excuse me, I’m visiting Mr. Lee—his son, actually.” 

He recites the house address as he remembers to the guards to have him be approved entry to the neighborhood.

“Sir, I think you might have the wrong address.”

Sunoo’s heart drops, but he thinks a tear slid out of his eye before he could do anything about it.

“W-what do you mean?”

He stutters out, but his heart was thumping so hard it felt like it could burst. 

Sunoo breathed out, blinking away his tears as he feels someone hold his shoulder.

Turning to the body, he finds Sunghoon panting, out of breath as he looked at Sunoo with utter concern.

“The family just moved out of the country this morning.”

Sunghoon turns to Sunoo sharply, too shocked to hear what he had just heard.

“The Lee’s? Moved to where?”

“The States. There will be no other information I could disclose,”

Sunoo breathed out a shaky breath, as if all wind had knocked out of him with a punch in the chest. He almost broke into a sob, making Sunghoon hug him. Shielding him away as they walk further away from the napalm trees. Strolling down the neighborhood until their common road, Sunghoon held onto his hand—he could feel his heart beating in his palms.

“Heeseung moved away,”

Sunoo echoes out of disbelief, voice cracking as he chokes on another sob. He could feel his heart breaking apart, bleeding inside as he lets Sunghoon wipe a tear away with his fingers—he could see his distraught face, making him realize that he wasn’t going insane and hearing things.

What he heard was true—Heeseung left.

Erased himself from the group, from his socials, from the country altogether.

But he was just here, a few hours ago, laughing along and making his silly jokes as usual. There is no other explanation; no foreshadowing, no hints or discreet telltale signs. He left without even telling him.

Sunghoon could only hug Sunoo tightly, stroking the back of his head as he lets Sunoo weep in his neck, his hands gripping his sleeves from the heartache. 

“Why would he do that?”

Sunoo sobs out, sniffling. The worst pain Sunghoon could feel is not having an answer to give Sunoo—and the pain of betrayal for a person he trusts so much had basically disappeared into a phantom of their memories.

He’s sure Sunoo was feeling the same way—and when the others know, they will grieve the same way. And the worst part was the unexplained reason behind all of this. How could he leave them in the dark?

As the crying subsides, Sunghoon places a chaste kiss on the crown of his head, the pang in his chest remains unsheathed and vulnerable. When his eyes met Sunoo’s teary ones, he felt as if the world was about to end. 

“I hate him.”

Sunoo breathed out, and he lets his tears escape. Sunghoon tries to not let his face show his hurt by the discovery of Heeseung’s actions, but to hear Sunoo declare such a strong distaste felt wrong.

“Sunoo, I’m sure he has his reasons—”

”—and we’re not even taken into consideration?” Sunoo questioned him back, his eyebrows knitted and his eyes crystallised. 

“I hate him so much, Sunghoon.”

I hate Heeseung, Sunoo echoes in his mind, letting the cave in his mind reverberated into the innermost core of his body.

”He always runs away,”

More like he always slips away from Sunoo’s reach, even after his promise to Sunoo.

“Promise me you’ll always be there for me, even if things aren’t the same anymore?”

“I could do more than that, Sun.”

Liar, his heart tears—he wept into Sunghoon’s embrace, wishing he could feel just like Heeseung for just a short moment. The stab in his heart remains, he could feel the sting all the way to his body as his mind came to a realization that there's no seeing him anyone anytime soon.

Lee Heeseung is a liar.

But he knows, whatever devastation he feels now couldn’t make him hate Heeseung.

"Heeseung..." He softly moans, and he felt like he was slowly piercing his knife into Sunghoon's heart, mutilating it as the blade turned and twists.

I still love you.

♥︎

Summer had just started two weeks ago; a long-awaited vacation for all of the students that fought for their life for Cert, sacrificed their life and fun for make the best of their result.

But after the news about Heeseung spread in their circle, Sunoo finds himself wanting to receive his results and go to Russia already. This place is only an eye-sore for him; everywhere he goes, he keeps being reminded of Heeseung.

Maybe the universe just wants to bully him.

In spite of the loss of his excitement for anything during this summer, he kept his chin up and spends most of his time searching for scholarships he could potentially apply once he gets his results. 

With warm chrysanthemum tea on the table and his sister’s laptop he borrowed, he browses the Internet. Web after web, article on articles researching about experiences working in the medical field and such. 

It’s interesting to say the least—it’s not much like the overdramatized medical shows, but you get all types of experiences. He was interested in the satisfaction after helping someone with an injury, like times he had to tend to Heeseung for his foot.

Ah, he sighs, tousling his hair erratically. It’s hard not to be occupied with his memories with Heeseung now that he knows that there only a slim chance he’ll ever meet him again. 

A part of him loathed how much time and energy he spent caring for Heeseung just for him to leave his life without even telling him in advance. 

Another part, however, still is hanging on the small hope that one day, he walks down the street to see him again.

Sighing, he takes his eyes off the screen, trailing to his opened window, curtains tied to the side to let the breeze and sunlight in. He could hear people laughing from outside, children playing near the playground he used to play at when he was younger.

Just for old times’ sake, he’ll just go out for a bit.

Jake scans the items of a foreigner and his kids who got themselves a stash of sweets and chocolate to snack on despite their dad’s protest. Sighing at his stubborn children, he shook his head.

“Okay, but we’ll play basketball after this—okay?”

Basketball, he thought, calculating the change he should give the man and returning the small change back to his palm. As he waves demurely at the kids, he exhales. He missed playing basketball so much. It used to be almost everyday training for the Nationals, and it was funny to him how he only started playing competitively after moving here.

What used to just be a hobby now becomes something he believes he is meant for—all thanks to Heeseung.

There’s a bitter feeling he recognizes behind his throat; he reminded himself that Heeseung isn’t here anymore so he couldn’t just hit him up and run to a random court for a game.

The chime rings, making Jake stand up tall because he should have good posture and good service—a direct quote from his aunt.

What he didn’t expect to see is a fox boy, the usual sunshine is a sullen, dark thundercloud:

“Sunoo?”

He calls out, and he sees a small, tired smile from Sunoo before he walks up to the refrigerator, picking out a can of ice peach tea—nothing else. Then he walks up to the counter and places it. 

Jake notices the gloomy face, and knows all about behind his unhappiness. 

It’s his too, and to see Sunoo this lethargic, he thought about Heeseung and how much he prioritizes Sunoo’s smile over anything else in the world.

“It’s…on the house,”

Sunoo looks up, eyes rounded. Shaking his head, he refuses to take something without paying—but Jake insists, giving a firm smile and slides it to him. Leading him to defeatedly take it, a soft thank you followed.

He thought he was just going to leave, however, he sees Sunoo looking at him a little longer before he clams his lips together.

“Jake, did you…do you know?”

He asks, hesitant on how to word it properly, deciding that it was best to keep it short and simple. His throat was closing up just like how his chest starts growing heavier.

“Sunghoon told me. Though actually, I think Heeseung hinted it to me not long ago,”

Sunoo’s eyes look at him intently, interested. 

“He asked me how it was like to move to a foreign country, how I adapted—all out of the blue too, but I answered—didn’t ask him why, but that’s answered now.”

He lets out an empty chuckle, a bitter one if he is frank. Recalling how he should have seen the signs earlier—now the wistful eyes and solemn mood while he asked made much more sense.

He’s been beating himself about it—what if he could somehow persuade, maybe convince him to stay. Undoubtedly, Heeseung made him feel comfortable in a foreign place; he was his best buddy, and he didn’t think it would be ended so prematurely.

“He told you,”

Sunoo murmurs, eyes growing woefully watery as he blinks it away. As a tear falls down, Jake froze, unable to properly react to seeing such a cheerful person cry. He walks out of the counter and without hesitation, he pulls Sunoo in for a hug.

His shoulders start to shake as he chokes on a sob, fighting with his inner turmoil, to pull himself together and not break in public—but it’s too hard, because Jake was warm—just like Heeseung.

“H-he didn’t tell me crap, Jake,”

He chokes out, relishing in how Jake has such a comforting aura, making him feel comfortable. Jake pats his back, trying his best to be as attending as he could without getting emotional himself.

“He didn’t want to, I bet. I know the last thing he wants to see was you being sad he’d leave,”

“He’s so cruel, Jake,”

Jake feels the pain in his voice—no matter how hard Sunoo tries to conceal, his raw emotions was evident. There was no resentment in his sobbing—only hurt. 

He couldn’t understand either—why would Heeseung cut ties with all of them so abruptly?

“Hey, Sunny—please cheer up,”

Jake comforts, patting his head gingerly. How Sunoo looked at him after the gesture only twists his heart, he forgot how affectionate Heeseung is around Sunoo. Giving him an assuring smile, he wipes his tears away.

“You know I’m accepting the same scholarship—so when I meet him there, I swear I’ll let him know,”

Jake bargains, knowing he knows he did something right when the crying subsided. Sunoo collects himself, breathing in deep before exhaling. 

“No.”

Caught off guard by his unexpected answer, Jake looks at him to see his irises looking to the side as he sniffles away. 

"I can't get hooked to Heeseung anymore."

He could feel Jake patting his head softly, almost like he was hesitant. It makes sense he would be since they’re not the closest, but the thought of him trying to comfort him warms his heart.

”I think, if he thought of leaving without a proper farewell, then I’m not going to meet him. It's for the best; for me, for him,”  

He adds, making Jake nod.

And for Sunghoon too, he notes as an afterthought, still mad at himself for getting Sunghoon into this mess. Nothing he could do will make Sunoo change his mind on Heeseung despite his own efforts. Sunoo hugs Jake back briefly before pulling away, giving him a smile.

“Thank you Jake—I like your hug,”

Jake shows a faint, sympathetic smile, “Nah, it’s all I could do for you,”

If Jake could hug me, why couldn’t you, Heeseung? Maybe I wasn’t so significant for you as I thought I was. It’s for the best, Sunoo figured, he couldn’t live hanging on to Heeseung forever.

Nodding, Sunoo flashes a small smile before he leaves the store, telling Jake that he’ll come more often. Jake laughs at that, encouraging him to do so for he could get a raise.

As Sunoo leaves, his void returns, dreading him again with the thought of Heeseung’s action.

Heeseung, I might not understand you the way Sunoo does—but if you heard him, you'd be coming back here.

A tear rolled off his cheek but he quickly wipes it away as if he could get caught with a crime. He was a little shy to cry in public, but he'll let this be since this was the first time he thinks he found a linking point between him and Sunoo; a connection between them two and Heeseung might've kept them apart—but this could be the only way he could break through the wall of air between them and start talking.

♥︎

A few months flew by just like that. 

The last time Sunoo saw everyone all at the same time and place, it was D-Day; when their results are ready to be taken at the school hall. Their batch mates, from near and far all gathered with faces tight from anxiety.

Results aren’t what determines your success, but after all the work they have to be put through—extra extra homework, additional tutoring, additional classes, a ton of mock exams and pop quizzes—they better be handed their grades on a silver platter.

Sunoo waits with his parents, the anticipation was killing him. His face was pale and blank, eyes scared of looking at anyone’s faces. As it was his turn, they got up and sat at the counter, watching as his class teacher skims through the papers of their printed results to pull one with his details on the top.

He couldn’t even look—his mother had to retrieve it for him, showing it to her husband to light up with utter happiness.

“Darling, open your eyes—you’ll be surprised,”

She coerced, but Sunoo is thinking of the worst. All of his hopes and dreams of going to med school is so going in the dumpster. He knew he flunked Chemistry, and don’t get him started on Maths—it was tragic!

His eyes fluttered open slowly, his vision focusing on the paper in front of him as he scans it from top to bottom with caution—and he gasps.

“I got…straight A’s?”

He couldn’t believe it—he’s no brainiac. He knows he always had potential to be on top on grades, but there’s always minor setbacks.

Struggling with all of subjects with calculations, careless mistakes on his best subjects—to be staring at his flawless results didn’t feel real.

For him, it was all a blur in the moment; he sees his mother and father’s shiny smiling faces, his teacher congratulating him for his hard work and dedication throughout classes, his friends queuing up running up to him and crowding around for a cheer and hurrah.

All of those sleepless nights, the days he tutored and was tutored by friends and teachers, days he felt utterly useless.

Out of all in the crowd, he awaited a figure—the only person absent from this important day—but he gives a smile to everyone, his heart bursting with gratitude.

Heeseung, if only you were here.

Applying to the scholarships and his carefully-researched school was the least part of his worries now—it was saying goodbye.

Saying goodbye to high school; to your familiar parks and roads; to your favorite place to eat in town; to your friends that inevitably made high school a far more enjoyable experience than he ever thought it would be and of course, saying goodbye to childhood.

As he stares at the passport and boarding pass in hand, he felt a nudge from his sister who gave him a big grin, brimming with proud tears for her baby brother.

“Don’t forget to call Mom and Dad everyday there. But I do have to say—I can finally steal your spot as their spoiled brat now.”

“Hey! I’m not a spoiled brat,” He chastised, pouting before his mother scolded her and goes on to give him a big hug, joined by his father and sister. He’s cried in the car, so he doesn’t think he’s capable of bawling his eyes out now—but he still got teary-eyed.

His father patted his shoulder as a silent exchange of words of affirmation. On the other hand, his mother kissed his cheek and reminds him to eat well and take care of his health there.

He nods, spotting a group of friends he knows too well running up to the scene.

His mother smiles, “Go up to them,”

He nods, saying his last goodbye before going off to his friends.

Jay has already registered into his university a few days ago, Riki went to Japan a week ago—leaving the small group of Jungwon, Jake and Sunghoon there to physically say their farewells.

“Sunoo, safe travels, okay? Text me when you get there, or when you’re on the plane,” 

Jungwon says as he holds both of Sunoo’s cold hands together, Jake momentarily takes off Sunoo’s white cap and ruffles his hair up, chuckling. 

“You might want to use the time on the plane to brush up on your English instead,”

Jake teased, poking his sides and making him flinch. All of his summer vacation, he has become a private tutor of Sunoo who is ambitious to talk in English like a native would. 

After a while, they too moulded together into a friendship they both never thought they’d have. It’s like having a brother he never had.

“Hey, I studied really hard, okay? I had enough!”

Sunoo grumbled, hitting Jake’s arm only to have all of them guffawing in the middle of the airport, earning a few side glances.

As the laughter died down, Sunghoon turns to Sunghoon who looks at him with warm eyes, his hands sneaking on to his shoulders.

“Take care. I’ll see you there,”

Sunoo beams, nodding as he lets Sunghoon hug him and give a habitual kiss on the head. As he pulls away, Sunoo gives him a peck on the cheek.

“I’ll see you there.”

With one last bye, Sunoo turns around and takes a breath as he starts walking away, going down the escalator to go through the customs. Passport and boarding pass in hand. Everything else is in his bag.

Russia is so far away, but does this mean he’s closer to Heeseung…or further?

He could only entertain that thought like a fleeting butterfly in a garden. This has become a habit to have Heeseung intervene in his usual train of thoughts. He bets the other isn’t thinking of him anymore, he bitterly chuckles.

He bets he doesn’t care if Sunoo is off to Russia right now. And he wouldn’t bat an eye if he said that he got his dream results because of him. Maybe he’s out there, enjoying himself in the States without a care in the world.

Yes, Sunoo is still sore from Heeseung leaving. So sore in fact, that he still gets hung up on the memories of them together.

He shouldn’t mind by now, but these memories and imagined scenarios, his residual feelings are the only way he gets to keep him in his life. He has to go through medical school, thinking about him until one day, he doesn’t anymore.

Eventually, he’ll slither out of his mind, and lets Heeseung be just another part of him.

♥︎

The bustling city and smoke and haze. The distant honking and the view of the colors moving on the road often entertains him when the electronic devices fails to. 

This has became a part of him after ten years. 

His wistful eyes staring in the distance as the sun shies behind the cloudy skies, its rays penetrating through just enough for everyone to know it's morning.

Ouch.

Heeseung winces as he tries to distribute his weight equally on both feet again. Sweat was dripping down his body. Practice has been going well up until recently when his foot is acting up again.

Fortunately, they’ve been in a short break from matches after the end of this seasons’ games. But it’s been a concern of Heeseung who could feel a decline in his performance due to his restricting mobility in his foot.

He can persevere while playing—but the pain can get overwhelming overtime. Though, he brushes it off as just a sprain because to be frank, he doesn’t like hospitals. Or doctors. They scare them a lot.

That’s before during practice, his coach pulls him aside from his other members. Heeseung could suspect that he was going to say something about his ankle. Sure enough, he did.

”Starting today, don’t think about coming here or any other court, Lee. We’ve decided that you will be exempted from this season.”

His coach informs, although in a diplomatic manner, he was stern enough to emphasise his concern and prohibition. Heeseung sighs, ruffling his hair out of distress. It’s not even starting and he’s already restless.

“But Coach—three months? That’s too much, I need continuous training to stay focused,”

The man with the honey tan slaps his shoulders firm, dead serious. 

“Heeseung, you are an asset. Your asset is your health, and you should do whatever it takes to get it feeling better,”

He explains, concerned about one of his precious players in the team. One of the youngest too, meaning that it’s his responsibility to make him grow to his fullest potential. 

“Don’t fret about it. We’re bringing you to the best clinic in town—they’ll fix you in no time, boy,”

No matter what it took him, Heeseung didn’t manage to crack Coach’s spirit. From whatever point he looked at it, it feels like a jail sentence for him. 

All of the other team mates bids him farewell on his short term ‘holiday’, though it is never an excuse to slack off. No, Lee Heeseung should always be at the top of his game at all times.

♥︎

On this very mundane Wednesday, this clinic is surprisingly packed with clients. Sitting at the waiting lounge, reading a pamphlet on their acclaimed expertises.

While reading, his eyes get caught on some of the patients coming out of the consultation room; a kid with a broken arm in a cast. Five minutes later, a pregnant lady waddling out of the clinic with her husband fondly holding her like a queen. 

Ah, it’s been a while since he has taken a rest day. Dread still lingering as this is only a day of his three month rest given. Even though it is supposed to be relaxing, he can’t seem to shake the anxiety off. 

With all the time he’s spent waiting, he could have been practicing. Or taking a run. Not that he could do anything with this injured foot, but he should never let his guard down. Worse yet, he fears that if the diagnosis turns out to be a severe injury, he is forbidden to play again.

That’ll be the end of his career. 

His heart starts racing only at the thought of it being an end. When one day, it really does happen to be the stop to his passion, then he would have to live ‘normal’.

Go back to school, and get a job, and find a partner and have kids and succumb to the pressures of society once and for all. 

He hates that thought—shivers went down his spine just from thinking about a journey to find a life partner—because the problem with Lee Heeseung is he feels like he has an emotional attachment problem—or, emotional detachment, actually.

He went to the States, got nice friends. Cool, but he feels stupidly lonely with them. 

Gets advice that he should get a partner—okay, so he tries dating.

No. He tries dating another person, and it doesn’t work out. Someone cheated on him but he doesn’t even feel anything. A pattern of relationships that don’t last longer than two months starts.

It seems that everywhere and everyone he goes to is nothing but just a decoy. For him, it was only a way to kill time—that is until he graduated and got recruited, then all of the search was redundant.

Now, being 28 years old is something that doesn’t even sound young anymore in this world. He was closer to thirty than to eighteen. He has to live in constant fear that his current pursuit could end just in a wrong twist or turn. 

By then, is he going to be destined for a lonely, miserable existence?

“Mr. Lee, to the consultation room!”

A nurse calls out from the open door, wearing an all-white nurse uniform. Heeseung takes a look at his number and he was indeed 917. Making his way to the room, he noticed that the room is separated into two sides by a curtain.

The nurse with silky black hair put in a slicked bun guided him to the left side, pulling the curtain to the side to see a table but with no doctor in sight, though he was insisted to sit anyway because of his limp.

“Mrs. Il just went out for an emergency, so we had to call Mr. Kim in to replace her,” 

She explains, standing next to the curtains leaning on the wall. Making Heeseung nod and patiently looked down on the tiles, even though he already spent an eternity waiting.

Suddenly, the curtains pulled to the side, and Heeseung sees the doctor’s shoes as he walks in along with another nurse behind him. When he looked up, he was surprised to see a man close to his age, blond hair donning a surgical mask, covering half of his face.

But Heeseung’s face dropped as soon as he recognised those eyes.

Those pretty, amber fox eyes.

“Hello, good morning,” 

He greeted, a mechanical bow and a straight face as he sits down on his chair. His white coat, embroidered in blue with his name Kim Sunoo is on his chest like a proud emblem.

“…Sun,”

He squeaked from the sheer amazement at how unlikely that he bumped into Sunoo again after all of those years. He watches as Sunoo pulls the mask down his chin with his finger, realising that Sunoo was keeping a straight face before he smiles economically to Heeseung.

“Alright, Mr. Lee—I’m Dr. Kim, and today, I’m be the general practitioner on your case.”

Heeseung looks and blinks, in disbelief that he was seeing Sunoo with his own eyes. It's not uncommon for him to have reoccurring flashes of their memories together, but it was not in Heeseung to hope for them to meet again, deeming that he was going to give false hope.

Kim Sunoo; cheery smile, warm hugs and sunshine. And Kim Sunoo is a doctor now?

“Uh, uhm, wow, Sun, it’s so good—”

Looking back at him after scanning his patient card, Sunoo cuts him off deliberately.

“It says here that you are complaining of sharp pain and discomfort on your left ankle, is that so?”

His acute tone had Heeseung taken aback, dumbfounded as he tries to explain his situation. 

“Oh—I, haha, yeah…”

His face falls, only left with an stiff smile. A pang hits his chest—he should really shut up. 

Sunoo nods before looking to the side, thinking, and giving Heeseung a hiccup of time to speak.

“How are you doing, Sun?”

He was just about to continue his sentence the he felt chills run down his spine when he catches Sunoo’s hard glare. 

“Can you take off your shoe and sock for me? I have to examine the injury,”

O-oh, Heeseung blushes out of embarrassment, removing his sneakers and socks in terror and putting them aside. Letting Sunoo examine his foot in silence as he watches over him. 

Heeseung was still in a state of shock; out of all of the things he thought would happen today, he didn’t think he’d meet an old friend. The shocking part, however, was Sunoo was giving him the cold shoulder, acting as if he doesn’t know him.

Okay, maybe this is not the best place for catching up.

“I’m going to palpate some places so let me know where it hurts, okay?”

Heeseung nodded, keeping quiet as he felt two fingers pressing around the ankle, getting him to utter a few ouch here and there involuntarily. All as he can’t help but but get deja vu—it seems like they have done this so many times before. 

Only now, they were ten years older than their teenage self. Sunoo’s blonde now, and he’s gotten a little quiet and serious than he remembered. And less warm like before.

But, as the aforementioned person peeked at Heeseung through his eyelashes—and Heeseung had gone stupidly lost.

Sunoo is getting outrageously gorgeous. Even more than he remembered. Even prettier than he imagined.

“This might look like a sprain—but what is worrying is how it travels near your fibula right here,” 

Explaining with precision while pointing out the mentioned areas, Sunoo tries to make it clear of his prognosis to get further details from Heeseung.

The problem is that—Heeseung was far from listening to him. 

All Heeseung could think of was the disturbing feeling of butterflies in his stomach as he is chronically blushing from many thoughts of his resurfacing. 

Fascinating, he’s looking at an adult Sunoo. The same youthful glow, the glimmer of his rosy cheeks and soft lips a new edition to the loss of the boyish look—and a welcome to a more matured pretty.

It got him thinking about their loose ends—more like, severed end.

Does Sunoo still think of them too?

“—and order an x-ray for Mr. Lee.”

Huh, x-ray? Heeseung snaps out of his daydreaming to the nurse nodding, reaching out his hand to help the clueless man out of his seat. Escorting him to walk through the curtains heading for the x-ray room.

Panicking, Heeseung looked over his shoulder to peer over to Sunoo—despite his efforts, all he sees is the doctor writing and reading a clipboard.

He’s like a stranger in Sunoo’s body. 

He looked at the nurse, not being able to hide the disappointment on his face as he asked him in a hushed tone.

“I’m going back there, right?”

To his relief, he nodded, “Just a few x-rays, sir,”

Just as promised, once the x-rays were done and printed, the nurse helped him back to the room and immediately handed the brown envelope to Sunoo to review on the light-box.

Clipping on the x-ray of his foot and illuminating the box, Sunoo examines the picture and stares at it for a moment before being enlightened. While Heeseung was boring into the black and white image. Waiting for Sunoo to say something. Well, something else than his injury.

“If you can see here,” Sunoo points at the fine line on the smaller bone of his leg, circling the area, “There is a stress line on the base of your fibula,”

As he explains, he looks at Heeseung to make sure if he understood. There was still uncertainty as Heeseung deadpanned on the x-ray.

“A…fracture? I’m lost.”

Sunoo shows an iffy gesture with his hand, shrugging. “More or less. As the name suggests, you’ve been putting excessive pressure on it, so it has taken a toll over your performance,”

Information was churning Heeseung’s gears, translating into what it seems to be him being overtraining, or maybe he was running the wrong way.

Coming to an understanding, he nodded, afraid to add anything to Sunoo’s consulting. Just silently watching him jotting something down on the piece of paper before passing to the nurse. 

“This is perfectly reversible, but it takes some time. I’m going to ring up a sports physiotherapist just a few blocks and refer your case there.”

Heeseung’s shy doe eyes stares into Sunoo’s serious face, nodding obediently. Referred at another place? What about them? Is this the moment he's been silently hoping for in all these years of being apart? He’s not really asking for much—he was just caught up with the hope that Sunoo would acknowledge that they are friends still, right?

“Don’t worry. With proper rest and nutrition, you’ll heal up real quick—so I’m prescribing you some painkillers and I want you to ice the area when it starts to swell,”

Are they?

What were they?

“Sun, I just want to ask—”

“Sleep early and keep your training to the bare minimum for optimal recovery.”

Being shut down, Heeseung closes his mouth and gives a tight-lipped smile, like he was getting a scolding from a teacher. 

“O…kay,”

His head hung low, waiting to be dismissed as he hears the sound of the ballpoint pen scratching the paper on his clipboard. Fiddling with his fingers before he was helped up by the nurse.

Does Sunoo hate him for what he’s done?

As he stands up, he hears the jarring sound of paper being ripped, making him turn to Sunoo—the doctor was holding up a piece of ripped paper, his aggressive hand waving the paper urges him to take it.

“Since we are in a rush, you can keep this prescription.”

Then, he sees Sunoo signalling the other nurse to call upon the next patient. 

Heeseung looks at the paper, reading the chicken scratch handwriting, his face changes.

xxx-xxxxxxxx —sorry cant talk very busy shift ends at 6.

Without missing a beat, Heeseung smiles and clasps his fingers over the piece of paper as he walked away, passing by the other patient as he spares a glance at Sunoo for the last time.

♥︎

In bed, 6 in the evening, Heeseung stares at his phone screen at the newly saved contact number, bearing a sun emoji next to his full name.

Kim Sunoo ☀️ 

He couldn’t stop thinking about him. From the way he talked, to the way he looked—Heeseung still couldn’t believe he was looking at the same Kim Sunoo. 

And he is nervous about this. Like, his shift ends at 6, so should he immediately text at 6? It will totally make him look desperate and give away that he was waiting for it to turn 6 the whole day. 

Anyway, he had a lot of time to spend on thinking about useless stuff. So, he wasted it on thinking about Sunoo, more on what would the outcome be if he were to have Sunoo to grab dinner and catch up.

Is it weird? No, he doesn’t think so. And it’s just a friendly thing. At least for Sunoo. 

Oh god, he takes a pillow and smothers himself with it while kicking his feet.

He can’t believe he is still hooked on his first love like a stupid kid; this is wildly embarrassing. He can’t live like this. Why is he like this? For a start, Sunoo could still be committed to Sunghoon.

It’s not like he knows, because Heeseung himself cut all contact with everyone after moving to the States. He doesn’t know anything about them because he didn’t want to; he knows his nature of meddling with their relationship. Therefore, he stops it from ever happening.

Okay, Sunghoon, please calm down. Sunoo is a friend, not a scary monster.

Kim Sunoo ☀️ 

hello Sun

are you off?

wondering if you are free 

i’d love to catch up

if you aren’t tired that is

I’d love to catch up? Damn, why did I use love? At this point, he was overthinking everything, and when he sees Sunoo’s status online, he wanted to gnaw on his bed frame like a beaver.

Sure Seungie 

Is 8 okay?

Pick a place and lmk

Im still new here

He had to blink his eyes hard enough to see stars in the afterimage to actually believe that Sunoo texted back. A few texts in and he has a dinner at 8? 

♥︎

Heeseung has no idea what to wear.

Heeseung also has no idea where to eat.

Naturally, he booked a table at one of those bougie restaurants and as a courteous gesture, he texted Sunoo a “dress your best” even though he knew Sunoo would make anything look nice.

There was a lot of pressure for himself for no reason. No one, including Sunoo, forced him to be the best—but Heeseung is just overthinking everything. 

Under the crystal chandelier and plaster-engraved walls, in his best dress shirt and jacket, he was still overthinking everything. Is this a little too much? Might be, Heeseung sighs inwardly, staring at his watch on his wrist as he nervously anticipated Sunoo’s arrival.

It’s five more minutes to 8, but Heeseung is too nervous. Sunoo is not late, but he is too early by getting there twenty minutes early. Maybe Sunoo wouldn’t want this, it’s probably better to book a more simple place.

Just as he was about to stand up, his head tilts just enough to notice the man strutting up to him—it was enough to sit him back down and close his jaw tight.

Sunoo was wearing a satin shirt, tailored to fit his beautiful curvy figure and tucked to accentuate his waist. Pearl earrings and pressed dress pants, polished leather shoes—and Heeseung was staring for way too long.

“Sorry, did I make you wait?”

Sunoo asked, holding on the top rail of the chair. Standing up a little too hastily, Heeseung accidentally hit his knee on the table, causing him to groan. 

“Woah there—that foot still needs healing, Mr. Lee—no funny business.”

Sunoo reminded, lighthearted—but still stubborn, Heeseung walked to Sunoo’s chair to pull it out for him.

Sunoo sits down, adjusting himself as he looked around at the decadence of the gold interiors and crystals. Other people were all wearing designer as well. When he looked at Heeseung, well, he blended in with the rest.

Well, awkwardly.

After the waiter comes and takes their order, Sunoo fixes his bangs as he leans into the table, looking at Heeseung with his hands on his lap like a little kid out of place.

“I’m really, really sorry about how brash I was this morning, Heeseung.”

Heeseung shook his head, it was fine for him. Shocking, but he knew better not to interfere personal space and his work space.

“It’s no problem. I understand, you must be really busy,”

“Busy is an understatement; one doctor sees around fifty patients a day there. I’m not allowed to breathe,”

He added a sigh, resting his chin on his hand propped on the table by his elbow, making Heeseung much endeared of his expression. Now that’s the Kim Sunoo he knows.

“That’s… concerning. Is that clinic a permanent place for you?”

“Oh, great heavens no. It’s my second posting—assigned at random—hence why I’m not familiar with this area at all,”

A smile rests on Sunoo’s lips as he looks around. Heeseung hopes he’s liking the selection, because he doesn’t know this place either.

Sunoo’s top buttons aren’t fastened, revealing a bit more skin than he has ever seen him and the delicate gold pendant in between his clavicles. The blond brings out more warmth to his face, and Heeseung thinks he looks like a doll more than anything now.

They’re out of school now. Ten years is a long time; not one person could be the exact same. Heeseung has figured that the longer he thought of what others would think of him, the more it hinders his full potential.

After ten years, he also figured out that while they are both different individuals now, Heeseung still thinks Sunoo is the only person he is ever emotionally invested in. 

Is he still holding on to an outdated fact?

“I know this is long overdue, but I’m really sorry for, you know, moving away all of the sudden.”

He opens, a very fitting topic for the uncomfortable atmosphere between them. If he didn’t get this out this soon, he feels that this whole dinner is going to stay this awkward.

To his relief, Sunoo kept a resting smile, shaking his head.

“I’m sure you had your reasons—I hope. I was furious when I found out though. You ought to know that I absolutely hated you then,”

He confesses, giggles slipping through his elaboration that felt like a threat disguised in rainbows to Heeseung. Nevertheless, he laughs along, rubbing his nape.

“I didn’t want to say goodbye. Couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone—all that I knew was I wanted you to feel as if I wasn’t that significant so you wouldn’t feel like you lost me,”

Heeseung explains, noticing the frown on Sunoo’s face.

“You failed at that. Even when I was mad, I couldn’t really forget about you.”

Blush crept on Heeseung’s face as he looks away, shrinking from the thought of his concerns answered. Sunoo thought of me. He didn’t forget about me, even though I hoped he did.

He fixes his already perfect tie, trying to look busy as he felt his body was getting hot all over.

“Blond is nice on you.”

As if they were still 18, the compliment draws pink to Sunoo’s cheeks as he laughs it off with an airy, sheepish chuckle. 

“Oh, shut up. I wanted to switch it up, you know—and please, enough about me—I wanna know how this national basketball treasure is doing,”

He gestures towards Heeseung himself, and Heeseung responds with a smile.

“Nothing much this season, I’m afraid. I just got put on a three month vacation because of my foot,”

“See—I knew that foot was going to be trouble for you. I called it ten years ago, I knew it,”

“And I knew you were going to be a doctor, so it’s even,”

That starter sparked Heeseung to start talking about the beginnings of his education. Flew out of the country with Jake, finishing college—then getting recruited, Jake then returned to Australia to be with family, getting picked up quickly by a well-known team over there.

Hopping from one team to the other, Heeseung can’t help but to go anywhere the wind blows to see where it will lead him—eventually, picked up by where he is now.

He’s a household name for the team after a few viral shots and videos—then a commercial shoot or two, quite embarrassing, even worse that Sunoo recited the tagline even before he mentions what he was doing. 

“Ah, I know—Aquadine, water you waiting for?”

”Sun, don’t, please, I’m embarrassed.”

All as Sunoo listens intently, nodding along to every single minuscule detail. 

It feels great to have someone he could talk to without the sense of being judged. In a way, he forgot that they were adults in the moment, eating steak while exchanging anecdotes about their adult life. 

There was a buzz in Heeseung’s body; a feeling of fulfilling joy he hasn’t felt in a while. And while listening to Sunoo’s experience studying overseas, it was clear that they could relate with each other more than they expected.

All of this, and Heeseung could feel the exciting flutters in the stomach he failed to discipline a long time ago; when he notices the soft, slow motion Sunoo’s eyelashes fluttered; or the way his lips were in the same pout like back then. 

Red wine swirls in the glasses before their clinking, and as they sipped, time was running out for Heeseung to feel happy. 

Sunoo was absolutely addicting; Heeseung has to remind himself so many times that this was a friendly dinner. Every time they erupted into laughter, getting some glances here and there, Heeseung just begs for five more minutes with Sunoo.

The table was a distance too far away from Sunoo—things were getting better and all he wants is a place far away from these other people. 

“I’ll get the check—yeah, thank you,”

Heeseung opens his wallet to put the cash on the check—when Sunoo tries to chip in, he flatly refuses, and there was a small playful brawl between them with stupid giggles and snorts until Sunoo finally gave in, even though he felt bad.

They stood up together, walking in between the other tables to get to the outside when Sunoo feels Heeseung take his wrist, flashing one of his notorious brazen grins.

“Let’s take a stroll to wind down,”

He suggested, which if Sunoo were to translate actually means he wants to walk around and spend more time. It’s half past ten, there was nothing to see but Sunoo complied just because it’s been so long since they were seen each other. 

After a few streets crossed and a short walk up the side of the busy main street—Sunoo told him no walking but since Heeseung is being a child and is refusing to listen, they finally found a quieter place to talk. A park, not many people but many stairs to make up for it. 

The wine and dine, the exhilaration slowly wearing off made them calmer—but still chattering away. But something about the dark, tranquil surroundings makes it feel more personal.

“You know, I was just thinking about how boring my life was getting,”

Heeseung mentions, hands in his pockets. Sunoo seconds to that, agreeing.

“Yeah, mine too,”

“Fifty patients a day is boring for Kim Sunoo now?”

Sunoo giggled at his witty remark, retaliating. “Numbing. Try it for a day,”

Some dried leaves on the ground crackles under their leisurely footsteps, enjoying the atmosphere. 

“Couldn’t be a dull day for you, I reckon—you’re a doctor, and you have people to commit to,”

Like Sunghoon. He says, pulling out a defeated sigh, Sunoo glances towards Heeseung who was looking at his own feet as they walked. 

“Unlike me at least, for some odd reason. I like my career, but no one told me growing up would feel so lonely,”

There was a hint of bitterness, or maybe envy in his words even, only that Sunoo couldn’t understand why.

Sunoo smiles, tight and unripe.

“No, I understand. I just come home to an empty place and the next day suddenly arrives with an annoying alarm,”

The wind tickles their necks, Heeseung looks at him as if to ask something, but Sunoo understood what he was going to question.

“I broke up with Sunghoon after I graduated.”

Heeseung could feel a pang in his chest as the statement sinks in. Sunghoon and him, weren’t together anymore?

In a split second, he captures the slight remorse in Sunoo’s eyes when the moonlight lightened their faces.

Tilting his head back, Sunoo sighs, but smiles as if he was accepting his fate.

“I felt bad being with him, making him wait for hours on end. 

Wait for me to finish my rounds, wait for me to come to his shows, wait for me to graduate,”

It made Heeseung feel bad for Sunoo, and moreover, he could see Sunghoon in those situations, patiently waiting for Sunoo. 

He still remember the way Sunghoon looked at Sunoo. It was indescribable; though truly, Heeseung couldn't bring himself to stare any longer than a second.

“He was so nice—and all I ever do is make his poor soul wait for me.”

As he talks, Heeseung notices how Sunoo was walking closer to him. Was he getting cold from the wind?

There was a pregnant pause, Heeseung takes it as a chance to move closer to share some warmth with him.

“I guess we’re in the same boat, Sun.”

Heeseung steals a glance at Sunoo to see him anticipating for Heeseung to tell his part of his story.

“No one could make me happy. I really tried, but it’s kind of like a curse.”

Sunoo chortles at him.

“A curse, huh?”

“Like my foot. We both know it’s going to cause some trouble, but I just, uh, ignored it.”

Sunoo nodded, looking straight as they approach another flight of stairs—and it seems to be the last ones that lead to a lookout area. Without hesitation, they continued their way up.

He can’t help but feel bad for Heeseung as well. 

Heeseung could feel his heart beat in the tip of his fingers, like some kind of sign to do something with it. It must be the wine that turns him shameless. Despite how nervous he was at the start of the evening, he has no problem to hold Sunoo’s hand to string him up the steps.

“I think you cursed me or something, Sunoo.”

Hearing such accusations, Sunoo playfully slapped his arm and caused Heeseung to laugh.

“Idiot.” He scoffed, blushing regardless of how inappropriately timed this is. An accusation of Sunoo casting black magic? So out of place, so random—so... Heeseung.

“First, the foot—now my heart—it’s terrible, Sunoo.” 

Suddenly, a drunk couple stumbles behind Sunoo—Heeseung pulled him to the side, causing him to lose balance and lean on him as a couple behind them passes by. Being all over Heeseung, Sunoo straightened himself back up. 

“Well, at least I can help with the foot,” Sunoo adds, but Heeseung gave him a solemn look, defeated.

“But my heart needs a fixer-upper too, ya know? I really don’t like myself right now.”

Heeseung guided his hand to his heart, letting it rest on his chest as Sunoo looked into his eyes with his sparkly, docile eyes.

"Was hoping you could put your stethoscope and figure me out," 

His remark, though teases his heart's stamina, still pulls Sunoo into second-guessing his actions.

“Surely you’ve met a lot of people, Seungie.”

Heeseung nodded.

“But I think, every time I meet someone, I wished I connected to them like we did,”

“But when you didn’t bother to reach out for me after school, I thought that you didn’t care about me anymore. It still hurt,”

Heeseung looks away, gripping Sunoo’s hand as he looks into his eyes that were just as doleful.

“I’m sorry, Sunoo. It’s long overdue, but I’m sorry that I tried to forget about you,”

He lets go of his hand, and goes in for a hug. Engulfing Sunoo in his big embrace and Sunoo settles in, hugging him back.

It’s been ten years since he last felt warmth like this, it makes him feel small again, like a kid.

“I’m sorry too, Seungie.”

He breathed out. Heeseung chuckles, it sends vibrations to Sunoo’s cheek against his chest, 

“You have nothing to apologise about, Sun,”

“I do,”

Sunoo looks up, a bittersweet smile arises as Heeseung feels him slowly reach out to cup his jaw.

“Because sometimes when I look at him, I wish he was you.”

Heeseung’s face slowly grew pink, like a drunken stupor after a heavy drink. 

After the terrible attempt of confessing, Sunoo silently sank his head on his shoulder, opting for a quiet moment to savour the long-awaited hug.

“I know that he knows—but he kept quiet for so long, Heeseung. I can’t keep on breaking his heart forever,”

Sunoo was talking about Sunghoon, Heeseung realised. 

Shame was leaving Sunoo shy to say anything anymore because he admitted to one of his worst crimes he has ever committed; he was a pretender.

To this day, he still felt guilty for using Sunghoon just for emotional support, yet he never once complained. Up until Sunoo had enough of feeling guilty, he saw how far along they were in the relationship, he was scared Sunghoon was going to make another commitment to him.

That’s when he knew better than to keep Sunghoon waiting for more.

A single tear rolled out of Sunoo’s eye, making Heeseung stroke his hair softly as to comfort him. 

“I told him to take care of you. He loved you a lot,” 

His question made Sunoo look up again, realising that Heeseung too was holding back his tears. His doe eyes watery, dolefully staring into him. If anything, it makes Sunoo just as hurt as he is.

“I know, Seungie. But I can’t call it love if I’m thinking of someone else when I’m with him.”

Sunoo is scared of the truth he has spoken. He’s a horrible person for denying someone’s heart of purest intentions, worse that he used his best for his personal benefit—just to fill the void in his body. 

His hands gripped Heeseung’s jacket, eyes flickering to his eyes and watching Heeseung’s lips as it curved into a soft smile.

“I could say the same,” 

Heeseung remarked, his hands tightening around Sunoo to draw him closer, watching him get more demure as the distance closes, breaking the eye contact from Heeseung.

“It’s all your fault.”

Sunoo mumbled, looking away. His blond locks swaying from the wind, the cold air tickling their faces. It felt like home was a thousand miles away up until he’s in Heeseung’s arms.

When Heeseung lowered his head, Sunoo could feel him leave a chaste kiss on his forehead, making him blush.

“I know I already confessed years ago with my medal, Sun—but would you accept me this time? Or should I win another one?”

Heeseung asks with a little breathy chuckle at the end, making Sunoo smile to hold in his laugh.

Cocky bastard, Sunoo thought as he playfully rolled his eyes, endeared to say the least. To Heeseung’s surprise, Sunoo nods.

“Well then. I think we should start everything over.”

Heeseung suggests, suddenly springing into action, straightening himself and fixing his clothes, combing his hair back as he smiles, just like cute teenager Heeseung back then.

“Hi, I’m Lee Heeseung—I think I’ve liked you ever since I’ve known you,”

This time, Sunoo actually laughed, his shoulder shaking from the goofy nature of Heeseung that he still found attractive.

His heart was fluttering, but it felt replenished, rejuvenated by his presence. While he’s at it being stupid, Sunoo might as well go along with his act and copies his dorky smile like he used to have back then.

“Hello Lee Heeseung! I’m Kim Sunoo, and I’ve liked you since I first sat next to you in class,”

Heeseung looks at him in shock.

“The first day of school of our first year in the first period?”

“Maaaaaaybe?”

Heeseung hugs him impossibly tighter as if to squeeze the living out of him because he just couldn’t contain himself from hearing Sunoo confess to him.

It felt surreal. There’s no way this is happening. 

Sunoo giggles, his cheeks pink and soft, his eyes curled into his signature eye smile.

“You are too adorable—god, I’m so weak for you,” Heeseung breathed out, forgetting that Sunoo could hear his thoughts.

They looked at each other before laughing. It has always been like this since the very start of them. Only that they were too young and too scared to try and cross the line.

Present time, they were so much older. The past was them as President and Vice, prefect partners, lab partners—it seems that fate really wanted them to be together. 

Back then, it wasn’t the right time for them, Sunoo thought as he realises the moon was right next to Heeseung’s head from this angle. It casts a shadow over them, making it feel as if it was only him, Heeseung and the moon to watch over them.

“We have never met each other at night before,” 

Heeseung pointed out, moving Sunoo’s bangs away. Upon realisation, Sunoo giggles, holding on to Heeseung’s shoulder.

Fate is so funny, Heeseung thinks. He wouldn’t even think to ever cross paths with Sunoo after school.

When he moved, he thought it was over for them. There was nothing else to add to their story: Sunoo ends up with another person and Heeseung was destined for a path of solitude.

But now, he realised that their paths both merge into one. If they were to start dating in school, would they even be around each other right now? 

Sitting under a tree, on the stairs at a park at night, miles away from where they met. Holding each other so close, yet that never was foreign to them. Heeseung could feel Sunoo peck his cheek before leaning his head into his neck, savouring the moment.

Never did anyone make Heeseung feel such intimacy like Sunoo does. 

“You know what?”

“What?”

“When this stupid three month probation ends for me, I’ll give you a seat at the courtside for my game.”

Sunoo laughs, “For old times’ sake?”

Heeseung shook his head.

“Don’t joke around, Doctor Kim. You have to be there to make sure I’m not abusing my ankles,” That rather odd remark made Sunoo realise that Heeseung was mocking him—he hit his arm as an ungodly snort came out of him.

“You’re so stupid!”

They burst into laughter, letting the night echo their reunion.

♥︎

As promised, Sunoo made time for his first game after his hiatus. Rushing from the clinic right into the bustling court where he was granted a seat at the side of the court. It was so scarily close to the game, but for Sunoo, it was way different than he remembered back then.

Of course, he is not a medical personnel at this game. Besides that, this was a professional match—a real game. Not just inter-school matches. The vibe was totally different, but it only makes Sunoo more proud to see how far Heeseung has come along.

As the players came out on the court, he spots Heeseung in his jersey, eyes already set on the hoop with determination, his mind already set to win.

He missed that look, Sunoo smiled. 

The whistle blows, and not a second wasted for the ball to be thrown around to their opponent. The ball flew high only to be caught by Heeseung, passed to a fellow teammate.

Looks like he’s even better than he was before. That’s Lee Heeseung for you, he thought, never will he settle down and be satisfied with himself. The passion he has for basketball was something else, anyone could see it.

But what makes him admire him more was as they caught up, he told the story behind them moving abroad was one of the conditions he had to agree in order for his father to allow him to accept the scholarship.

Unwillingly, he took it, dreading every day he has to think about leaving everyone behind to fight his fight all alone. Though, he thought of how much everyone has supported him up until the Nationals and he felt if he was to pass up the opportunity, he’ll let everyone down.

So, he persevered. It was far from easy; sometimes, he contemplates whether this was really what he wanted. For him to have doubts wasn’t an option—he said—because if he quit, then he’ll let everyone’s effort in vain. 

Before he knows it, he’s right here, competing, still humble even after earning the title of an ace, a rising star, an idol for many young one who look up to his talent.

With the clock running up, Sunoo sees another man passing Heeseung the ball to let him dribble to toss to another person. After the pass, his aforementioned teammate was ambushed—therefore he runs up closer to the hoop and calls for the ball.

Like magic, the ball was thrown as fast as a bullet only to be received by him like it was nothing. Wasting no time, he makes the shoot and before the guard could block, the ball enters the hoop in one smooth motion.

The crowd goes wild again, cheering his team’s name again.

And right as the whistle blows again, everyone stood up with their placards and banners, shouting victory and jumping in their seat because yet again, another win for the team!

His team mates gathered around, congratulating each other, cheering with the crowd. Heeseung radiates joy on his glowing visage, sweat dripping and chest still heaving—but he was grinning with pride. Sunoo stands up like the rest, cheering Heeseung’s name like his life depended on it, grabbing his attention.

When he turns around, he met eyes with Sunoo who waves at him with a cute smile on his lips. He was just as happy as Heeseung for now he understands that everything happens for a reason. 

When he runs up to him, he remembers how hard it was to accept fate—now, he understands that accepting fate wasn’t only accepting the present, but the future that lies ahead.

He’s glad he waited, endured all of the pain and headaches throughout his life—because when Heeseung grabs him by the waist, he was pulled to crash into his lips for a kiss.

The fans cheered from their seats and he could hear the commentators mentioning Heeseung’s name on the mic. Cameras were turned right on them, showing how they both grinned at each other as Sunoo wraps his arms around his shoulders.

“They’re watching us,” 

Sunoo informs, smile not faltering as he dabs Heeseung’s face towel on his face to wipe the sweat off, the action taped on the screen for everyone to see. Heeseung chuckles, pecking him on the lips again.

“Yeah, but I don’t give a fuck though,” Sunoo dramatically gasped, hitting him on his arm.

“Seungie!” 

He scolds, shaking his head in disappointment. Heeseung couldn’t suppress the dumb, goofy grin on his face when Sunoo says that.

“What, we’re adults now! We can curse,” 

Heeseung shrugs, making Sunoo smile. They both have grown up so well, and here they are, saying things they never thought they’d say to each other.

“Okay, the camera’s off—now kiss me again.” 

Heeseung says, pulling Sunoo closer to him and as much as Sunoo wants to call him an idiot—he tiptoes to meet with his lips, pulling him into a slow, gentle kiss.

Lee Heeseung and Kim Sunoo—maybe they’ll make the headlines. 

But for now, they’re just two teens stuck in the past, but promising to live and grow up in present time now that they have found their missing half.

They’ve passed the push and pull. Instead, once they’ve acknowledged that they had to resolve their own issues, the clocks and gears aligned for them to meet again.

Now, they’re older. They found that those fingertips of theirs still felt the same and the lines on their palms aligns better than before. Without knowing, they’ve became the best versions of themselves purely from the strength given to each other.

After all, who could they have been if not for each other?