Chapter Text
The chill of fear that went down Han Sooyoung’s spine, a re-evaluation of her plan to incorporate her avatars into her scheme, was changing. Probably not for the better, because it was being replaced with frustration.
Of course the party responsible could be no else but her avatars. They were unpredictable and chaotic, and they had a tendency to be especially treacherous to her.
Han Sooyoung should not have trusted them in the presence of Kim Dokja.
They were playing poker, they weren’t playing for money obviously. In Han Sooyoung’s quickly thought out plan they simply used improvised chips to bet and wager.
Despite not playing for money, despite there being pretty much no tangible reason for any of them to be invested, they certainly weren’t playing casually.
This was specifically true for a particularly animated author and her three extra copies. Han Sooyoung as well as her differentiated hair-coloured clones were wagering with pride.
That would not be where the lamentation of this error would end. Han Sooyoung was quickly reminded of another bothersome trait of those same avatars, they were copies of her. They had the very same competitive and combative spirit that she had.
Her avatars, well and truly, had a penchant for being annoying.
With every passing second that chill was growing into anger. They were just playing a friendly game, and even that was supposedly halfhearted, just something for Han Sooyoung to justify spending time with Kim Dokja.
The plan was working, Kim Dokja was clearly engaged in the game, and because of that Han Sooyoung felt that she was obligated to actually play too. Not that Han Sooyoung was certain that it would ever need to be a conscious effort to take a competitive environment, no matter how insignificant, seriously.
Her avatars, of course, also inherited this mindset.
At every chance they got they seemed to be picking the most combative option possible, and every single time it screwed her over.
It was at this moment Kim Dokja stopped and focused on the brunette: “What’s with the scowl? Is the game not going how you thought it might”
“Aw come on man, not you too” Han Sooyoung said, half of her performing, trying to get as much betrayal into her voice, and earning a smile from Kim Dojka for her efforts. There was another part of her though, a part of her that would much rather be winning.
“Sucks to suck” The golden haired avatar interrupted.
Kim Dokja seemed to see the acting half of Han Sooyoung here, but the avatars, they definitely saw the side of her that still screamed inside her head that she should be winning.
Han Sooyoung only gritted her teeth and growled at her avatar’s jibe. A response she instantly regretted, as all three, in unison parroted the action, which to her frustration even got a laugh from Kim Dojka.
That earned him a glare, and he jokingly put up his hands.
Han Sooyoung was probably not in the mindset to be playing well, nor was she ever that good at the game, but despite all that she was still taking the game seriously.
Han Sooyoung had never, and would never be content with losing.
—
Despite Han Sooyoung’s frustration with her performance in the game, and her (accurate) belief that the avatars had silently decided to target her, she could not turn the game around. It did not take long for Han Sooyoung to run out of chips.
When this happened Han Sooyoung’s frustration was evident. Her avatars, as her copies could of course understand her feelings, but that was entirely unneeded. It was clear to everyone, and that included Kim Dokja.
This whole time, Kim Dokja had been absorbed by the game. That was something that Han Sooyoung had always noticed about Kim Dokja, he had a weakness for becoming absorbed into the tiny worlds and the escapes they offered, be it reading, or simply a pointless game of cards.
Yet he had noticed Han Sooyoung’s early exit from the game. It was harder for Kim Dokja to give the game his time when Han Sooyoung wasn’t in it.
Han Sooyoung and her avatars all realized this at the same time, and it froze them in their steps, in their competitive spirit they lost sight of the initial point, of Han Sooyoung spending time with Kim Dokja. For the avatars this was just as compelling because in their minds they did not regard themselves as copies of Han Sooyoung, rather they saw themselves as Han Sooyoung.
In the past this phenomenon had caused a lot of problems for Han Sooyoung, and it would likely cause more still in the future, but right now it worked to her benefit.
With a spirit as tempestuous as Han Sooyoung’s even two exact copies were unlikely to agree on even the simplest debates, but if there was anything that could ever bring a consensus out of many Han Sooyoung’s it would be concern and care over their reader.
That and all the feelings they had towards him.
—--
Right now there was a lull in the game due to Han Sooyoung's irrelevance in the game and her sulking. She was responsible, but she could fix that too.
She was going to snap out of this weirdness that broke the game, and she was going to do it by doing what she did best, being chaotic.
The problem wasn’t that Kim Dokja wasn’t playing, it’s that he wasn’t entertained. Kim Dokja might try and deny it from time to time, but Han Sooyoung knew better, he liked her chaotic nature, and the stupid but funny things that it led her to do.
She was still pissed about how the game went, and how her avatars had managed to work collaboratively to target her. She didn’t want to let it just fly, and Han Sooyoung has an idea. She sees that there is an opportunity to do something chaotic, she even has an alibi.
Han Sooyoung was going to “crash out”. She had the perfect opportunity to do it too; the table on which the game of poker was being played, she was going to flip it.
Han Sooyoung gripped the table by the edge-closest to her, she wondered what everyone else was thinking, or more accurately who might know what she is doing.
When her hands gripped the edge of the table she stood and using that strength from her lower body she flipped the table, in one smooth, sudden, and surprising moment. Only to be met with a creak.
The table was bolted to the floor.
There was a second of silence following the chaotic tide of events. Then that silence broke.
Rancorous laughter broke out, with the avatars being particularly pointed, while Kim Dokja genuinely just taken out by what he had just seen. Even as Han Sooyoung was valiantly defending herself from the mocking taunts of her avatars, she was watching Kim Dokja out of the corner of her eye.
Han Sooyoung was absolutely certain that he would be teasing her about this later, but she was looking forward to it.
—
Han Sooyoung’s scheme had worked, Kim Dokja no longer had the air of reconsideration and estrangement he seemed to have before.
Yet the whole table had pretty much moved on from the lazily put together game of poker. (Tends to happen after someone tries to flip the table.).
Now it was just a very animated scene, one that would be pretty normal at your average party, except of course for the three extra copies of Han Sooyoung all teasing the original.
____
It would continue like this for a while longer, but despite Han Sooyoung’s efforts it was ending. This rare opportunity to have time with Kim Dokja without the rest of the company was never going to last long.
When Han Sooyoung was talking to Kim Dokja, without the rest of the avatars really included, much to their frustration, she heard it. A threat, from one of her Avatars to spill some of the memories they had been created from and the thoughts that came with it.
“You know of Yoo Sagnah’s rivalry with Han Sooyoung?” The white-haired Han Sooyoung asked Kim Dojka, her eyes gleaming with mischievous intent.
That got Kim Dokja's attention, but Han Sooyoung reacted faster. Instantly springing to her feet and closing the distance to her avatar.
“All right time to die, any last words?” Han Sooyoung asked her traitorous avatar who grinned defiantly back, clearly knowing what was to follow.
“I’ll be back” Han Sooyoung grimaced at the thought as she re-absorbed her avatar.
The avatars thankfully did not fear or protest their reabsorption, and Kim Dokja was familiar with it, still it was strange to see.
“Damn did we just witness a murder” The golden-haired Han Sooyoung quiped, noticing the atmosphere
“The first of three, any last words.”
“I won the game of poker.” The golden-haired Han Sooyoung said as she was absorbed, a smirk on her face, and making an L with her hand in front of Han Sooyoung’s face.
The last avatar, the red-haired one, approached Han Sooyoung.
She whispered: “You’ve got this, be brave” shifting her eyes towards a confused Kim Dokja.
Han Sooyoung was taken back, visibly so. Her avatar recognized that and pulled back, laughing.
“I got you, you got shook!” The red-haired avatar proclaimed loudly and proudly.
Han Sooyoung absorbed the red-haired avatar, and it decided to throw her one more twist, giving her a thumbs up.
Han Sooyoung shook her head.
“What is WRONG with my avatars?” Han Sooyoung asked no one in particular.
“They are entertaining, you have to give them that.”
“That is easier to say when they don’t have this innate desire to be your problem” Han Sooyoung said with a huff.
“That sounds like a you problem” Kim Dokja said smugly, getting an eye-roll from Han Sooyoung, as well as a smile because she always liked it when their usual dynamic was reversed.
“They just always find a way to get on my nerves.”
“Something about that face huh?” Kim Dokja deadpanned and then smiled at the glare that followed from Han Sooyoung
“You are just full of jokes today”
“That’s what happens when I spend too much time with you.” Kim Dokja said as they walked off.
As the two of them walked, Han Sooyoung was quiet. Trying to build up the courage to say what really wanted to say, while she still had some time with him.
—
“I think that you are karma for the pest of a life I have lived.” Han Sooyoung suddenly spoke, breaking the silence.
“Damn? What makes you say that?” Kim Dokja replied in what sounded like a deadpan voice, but Han Sooyoung could tell that there was intrigue lining the words.
Han Sooyoung paused for a second, once more talking herself into admitting it.
“You know how in stories gods, destiny, things like that, have a penchant for giving ironic curses. I think that I got cursed with my chaotic, annoying nature. It was a constant throughout my whole life, then all of a sudden it got repurposed, when I met you.”
When Han Sooyoung finished Kim Dokja was about to speak, but upon looking at her face he stopped himself, Han Sooyoung had not said all she wanted to.
“It has transformed, it has taken on an entirely different purpose. It is the way that I communicate with you.” Han Sooyoung blushed furiously, before continuing again. “It’s my love language with you… but I can only ever know that from my side. I need to know how you feel, I think I know, but that isn’t enough. I need to know that this isn’t just my imagination.”
It was now Kim Dokja's turn to blush.
Kim Dokja had to think about it, it wasn’t something he had any familiarity with. He thought of his mother, and the dysfunction that existed in their relationship, and how much of it stemmed from communication failures. Even when she did things out of love and sacrifice, Kim Dokja failed to see it.
When Kim Dokja thought of Han Sooyoung and her antics, he realized that he always noticed them, and that he often felt that his reaction was being watched. As if sometimes she did it for his sake.
It was clear now that he thought about it, at least the communication aspect went both ways.
“I… I see it, and I appreciate it, you aren’t just talking to a wall, I am picking up the messages.” Kim Dokja stumbled out the words.
Han Sooyoung cringed at the words, and how they felt like they were a world away from anything resembling a confession, but she knew Kim Dokja well. She paid attention to the emotion in his voice as well as the emotion on his face. They were more likely to break through in truth than his tongue.
Even at seeing the trembling words and tinted face, Han Sooyoung was still discouraged. Even though Kim Dokja just told her that speaking to him was not like talking to a wall, he failed to realize that he was stonewalling her.
Or maybe that was just her seeing the situation through an optimistic lens, instead of a practical one. Maybe it wasn’t an oversight at all, maybe it was intentional.
She truly did not think it was, but when she was so emotionally invested Han Sooyoung had grown to understand the danger of biased interpretations, you will see what you are looking for, regardless of what is in front of you.
Han Sooyoung hadn’t realized it immediately, but her eyes had begun to water, and she was filled with remorse. She thought scornfully that she should have been content, she should have never tried to find something more, and most of all she mourned the loss of Kim Dokja in her life, even as he still stood in front of her.
Kim Dokja was not as quick to pick up on the feelings of others as Han Sooyoung, especially through unspoken cues. That was to be expected, for much of her life Han Sooyoung had eagerly watched all aspects of life around her, trying to capture as much as she could so that she might be able to recreate it in her writing, and of course that included people. Kim Dokja had spent so much of his time staring at the ground, terrified of meeting anyones eyes.
But even Kim Dokja could see that Han Sooyoung was upset, and knew that he had a part in it. His first instinct was to reach out and ask “are you ok”, but he could not trust his words to accurately portray how he felt, nor did he have any idea what to say. Kim Dokja hugged Han Sooyoung and mumbled: “Sorry”.
Han Sooyoung did not fight Kim Dokja's embrace, but upon hearing the sorry she did. She shoved her arms out and once free quickly wiped the tears pooling, to her the sorry was finally a definite answer, but not the one she was hoping for or expecting.
The shock had done one good thing, it had knocked Han Sooyoung out of her internal thoughts and when saw Kim Dokja's face, she analysed it, it wasn’t one that fit an apologetic good-bye.
With her hands pressed against and covering her face, eye peeking through her fingers, she realized that she was just as confused and uncertain about whatever existed between them as she was at the beginning.
“Damn it, Whyy?” Han Sooyoung whined at the circumstances and a Kim Dokja who looked like a deer frozen in headlights.
She needed an answer.
Taking a deep breath she spoke to Kim Dokja in a fierce and stubborn tone. She would have loved it if it didn’t always have to be her, but she had decided that she would rather endure that then torment herself with forever wondering what if.
“I need to know, you aren’t giving me an answer, and worse I think that you don’t trust your words. So I have to go with the only reliable option with you; Kim Dokja, being painfully blunt. I have feelings towards you, are they reciprocated?’ Han Sooyoung said loudly, while pointing at Kim Dokja.
And then what seemed like an eternity of silence stretched.
Han Sooyoung did not care, she was not saying another word. Not until she got the answer.
As brutish Han Sooyoung’s method here should be, for Kim Dokja it was really smart. Any answer would be world-changing, so there was no way for him to run. If all options were equally terrifying why would he not just say how he felt.
Staring at the floor, Kim Dokja finally spoke: “yes… Yes I have feelings for you too, while I had never thought of it this way before, all the times when it felt like we were speaking our own language, only for us, I think that love-language is suiting.
It took everything that Han Sooyoung had to stay still and let Kim Dokja finish what he had to say. The second he was done she closed the distance she had made between them, gently with one hand she lifted his chin so that he might meet her eyes.
Kim Dokja saw the teary eyes, and the smile that stretched across her entire face.
Han Sooyoung saw Kim Dokja recover from the stress and embarrassment that had finally come with his answer and confession, while the blush remained there was now a shy smile as well.
Slowly, as to not startle the flight risk that called itself Kim Dokja, she brought up her other hand and slowly leaned forward to kiss him. It seemed slow to her, like lethargically slow, but Han Sooyoung wanted to make sure that Kim Dokja could see what she wanted to do, and if he wanted to stop her or protest he could.
Han Sooyoung watched as it took so long for Kim Dokja to realize what was happening, and when he did he stiffened, and she stopped. Kim Dokja would move, but not away from her, towards the kiss, and at that sign, Han Sooyoung threw away the lethargic pace she started with. She threw herself into the kiss.
It was Han Sooyoung who broke it, smiling, not the same one she had after hearing her confession, but the one that was uniquely hers. The crazy one, the one Kim Dokja said reminded him of a demon.
Smiling, lips pressed against his, Han Sooyoung whispered:
“Fucking finally.”