Chapter Text
Sometimes, Teru feels lucky he doesn't feel love like others.
He watched as people grew jealous of others, felt insecure, and felt heartbroken. He has seen numerous people weep their cracked hearts from a rejection or a break up, and it makes him think he's lucky.
He knows people can't control their feelings, especially when it came to others. Teru knows this is how normal people act when they face situations like this. It's normal to feel hurt when something you don't like happens.
He has felt it before, so he understands. But it didn't stop him from feeling relieved he won't have to experience heartbreak. He thinks it's a slightly terrifying idea. Teru knows he'll be terrified if his siblings would ever stop loving him. He doesn't want to lose his family.
Love is a terrifying thing he concluded.
To be hated by someone you hold dear.
‐‐‐
The young exorcist tapped his pen in the table, mind elsewhere once he finished his papers.
It was routine by now. Every time his last class ends and right before he heads to the school councils room, he gets stopped by confession.
He thinks about the two first years who confessed to him an hour prior, and he couldn't help but think of them as pitiful. It's not like he means to, he just think it's stupid to love someone that deeply even though they're aware he bore no feelings back.
We're they that desperate or delusional?
He could only sigh and shove the thought away. Feelings are confusing and annoying, he can't be annoyed when it's human nature.
He finds his gaze drifting towards the male beside him. Teru wonders how Aoi knew he was in love. How the feelings start and last that long. Was Akane-san kind? Cute? Sweet? Lovely? When they first met as kids. Did Aoi “fell at first sight”? Did he find her that pretty?
Questions after questions trickled in his mind as he continued to stare and wonder. His mind drifts from question to question, wondering and asking for answers about a feeling he never got to fully feel. He finds himself wondering if love was really that big of a deal.
“President? Why are you staring at me like that?“
Teru came back to his sense when the words hit him. His usual smile sports back on his face as he racked his brain for an excuse.
“it's nothing. I was just thinking about my little brother. He seems to be… active now a days.“
He answered half truthfully, a white lie. It's not like he couldn't said a better excuse for staring at the auburn haired boy for so long. Teru saw how Aoi raised an eyebrow and had a rather curious look on his face.
“Oh? How so?“ The younger male spoke, his curiosity peaking through a bit.
“Well,” he started, tapping his pen once more. “He recently had encountered no.7 and he was.. very, very buddy buddy with him.“
Teru could feel himself get ticked off. He hopes his brother wouldn't be too attached to supernatural. That would be a problem.
“Ah right, him and Yashiro-San.“ Akane mused as he turned away and went back to writing.
“Yeah… I think he has a crush on her, too..“ teru sighed, lips jutting out a bit. “He's growing so old already…”
The auburn male couldn't help but scrunch his nose. Older brothers are pain in the asses.
‐‐‐
11:23 pm
Teru was tried, very much so. He just wanted to be back on his bed, surrounded by the light fluffy blacket that always engulfed him at night. He wanted nothing more than to just drift away from reality and pray that this time he'd have a dream instead of a nightmare. He just wanted to rest.
He doesn't know why he pushes himself to be an exorcist or sorcerer when he finds himself questioning himself. The endless nights of bloodshed and screams.
He thinks he's a sadist, and the voice inside thinks so, too. He might also be a masochist. Maybe.
He also thinks his love for his siblings were the reason as well. Most likely.
It's not like he wants to quit or even regret it. He won't, and never will. Not when he has two lovely siblings, that he loves so so much, having the childhood he wished he had. And he likes it that way. He'd rather have the burden on him than to see his siblings lose the glint in their eyes. He's the oldest, the heir of the clan, the one who took care of them. He needs to be the one.
He was also there for the innocent and ignorant people. They didn't deserve to be cursed or to be subjected to being food for beings they couldn't even see.
He didn't want someone to die when he had the power to save them. He was savior. The people in his life told him so. So he'll believe it. He'll believe that working at night was for the greater good. To be a savior to everyone.
He loves humanity in a way.
He'll keep believing until the day he cracks.
3:48 am
Being disowned is one thing, but his ego was another. Maybe that's why he made himself turn out this way. Maybe it's the way he kept doing this to be praised for being strong. Maybe he wanted the love he always wanted.
Maybe that's why he kept believing.
He heavily sighed as he wiped the huge blood stain on his face. His kimono was dirty enough as it is, and it was starting to feel annoying. He resheathed his sword back in its scabbard and went on his way. Moving over the disintegrating mess, he left the bloody scene of an alleyway.
He didn't exactly know what time it is, but he'll just guess it's probably 3 am or something. If he's reading the stars correctly. Aoi would probably call him a nerd or something along those lines if he ever found out about his knowledge in that. It wasn't his fault he didn't wear a watch. It's too much of a distraction if he'll try to take his beads out, mistaking the watch as the bracelet. Plus, it'll probably break if he ever gets slammed by a spirit.
Blood dripped as he ruffled and tugged on his hair, trying to keep himself awake. Just a few more, and he'll be done. He'll walk around for a little more until he signs off. He'll be alright.
He always will.
He walks with the intention to get back home. Treat the scratches and take a warm shower. Removing the residuals that stained his body, to let himself dissociate as his body relaxes from the hard work he had done.
He wanted to at least get some rest before dawn comes. There was supposed to be a quiz for one of his subjects later on, and he didn't want to risk being tired.
The sound of his feet hitting the pavement was the only thing he hears in the isolated streets. Aside from the occasional crickets that would chirp or the sound of leaves ruffling. He found solace in it. The way the moon shined and illuminated the buildings, giving quite a beautiful scenery.
Then suddenly, his world turned upside down. His face suddenly near the pavement, and he blinked. Eh? Why was the path suddenly close to him? He didn't remember when he soundly felt dizzy.
His reflex caught him on a whim, and he steadied himself. Resting himself on his right knee. He took a deep breath and analyzed what had happened. Just now, he was walking, and he tripped. Maybe his foot caught on his kimono? But that wouldn't make sense. A crack in the pavement? No, the walkway was too flawless.
Then, what made him trip?
…
Surely, it couldn't gave been the injury he fucking forgot. Of course not, he's not a klutz. Son of a- Teru groaned as he placed a hand over his bleeding leg. That blood trail is gonna send people into a dilemma.
He can't go home like this. One, the blood trail would eventually lead to his house, two he'd probably pass out by then and he doesn't want that, and three, Kou was gonna get a heart attack if he saw the gouging hole on his leg.
…
He wondered if Aoi was awake at this time.
…
He'll be fun to annoy at this hour.
Teru found himself forcing his body to get up and start walking. He ignored his screaming leg and went to a nearby store. His limping figure walked in and thanked whoever there was that the employee was busy on their phone. He paid for the small first aid kit and went on his way once more. Apologising in his head about the blood trail he left.
The moment he comes home, he checks in his siblings. Falling asleep in his room reminding himself he's doing this for his love for his siblings.
.
.
.
.
The moment Teru woke up, he felt his leg screaming at him. It didn't help that it was raining outside, not that he had a problem with it, it just felt condescending.
After minutes of laying in bed, he manages to force himself out. Even when all he wanted to do was sleep the whole day. Though, he had a reputation to maintain and a perceptive younger brother.
(Though it wouldn't hurt to just let go for once.)
Teru still found himself going to school, albeit tired and limping. It wasn't that obvious, unless someone actually took the time to look at him properly. He greets every student that waves at him, a charming smile on his face.
On his way to first period he had three people on him already. Sigh.