Chapter Text
By the time Franky was released from medical, she had already completed two of Bridget’s books. The first of which was an easy one from Tennesee Williams, but dark; Eccentricities of a Nightingale. The second was truly one of the raunchiest and heart wrenching books she’d ever read. Franky typically steered away from historical romance novels considering they mostly centered around horny men desperately trying to get a glimpse of a lady’s ankles. But this one was nothing of the sort. Instead it portrayed a sordid love affair between two girls. How was it that Bridget, a ‘straight’ girl read more sapphic literature than Franky, herself? Franky knew that she should probably be resting her mind, but she couldn’t help but think there were ulterior motives in Bridget’s book selection. What was she trying to say? Both stories ended painfully for the protagonist, who was so mesmerized by their suitor, but ended up essentially descending alone into madness in the end. Why on earth would Bridget have selected these for Franky to read? Was she sending her messages through the texts? Was Franky going mad herself trying to decipher some type of invisible code? Or was it just the wack to the head that was making her see things that weren’t really there? Bridget had done a kind act, she had gotten Franky books. That was that…Right?
Once her headache had finally subsided and she had been cleared by the doctor, Franky was given strict orders to return directly to her dorm and rest… which she immediately disobeyed. She hadn’t even bothered to go to her room and change out of the gray physical education track suit she was given to sleep in. No, she needed to know the truth and couldn’t stand waiting another second without it. She held the two books in her hands and rapped on Bridget’s door incessantly until she finally answered.
“Franky, how are you feeling?” Bridget smiled, her face painted with the same concern as it was the previous day. She was dressed in a snug pair of jeans and the same sweatshirt that Franky had slid her hands underneath and…Focus, Franky. She shook her thoughts from her head. “Are you alright?” Bridget asked. Franky held up both books into Bridget’s line of sight.
“These? Absolutely terrible. Heart-wrenchingly terrible. I’m growing more and more concerned for you by the second, truly,” Franky stated dramatically causing Bridget to smile coyly.
“Seems you were intrigued enough to finish them though…”Bridget checked her watch “-in less than 24 hours, I might add. I’m impressed,” she hummed in amusement.
“Well, duh! I had some hope for these poor girls until these horrible people drove them mad!” The more distraught Franky became, the bigger Bridget’s smile grew. She liked the feeling of getting under Franky’s skin for a change instead of the reverse.
“All I’m hearing you say was you were entertained. Isn’t that what reading is all about? Entertainment?” Bridget crossed her arms and leaned against the doorway casually.
“You know… you can’t blame me thinking there is a connection between these… a through-line,” Franky’s irritated tone switched to one of intrigue. She placed the two books on top of one another, combining them physically and metaphorically.
“No, I just grabbed the first things I could think of,” Bridget shrugged and shook her head, prepared to launch head first into another lie.
“See, I don’t believe you. There is a reason you picked these,” Franky stated definitively. Nothing that the blonde could say would convince her otherwise. Bridget paused with her eyes on the mat outside her door. She glanced at the deserted hallway and moved to let Franky inside her dorm room and closed the door behind her. The blonde then walked towards her desk, leaning against it to put some space between the pair of them.
“Why these?” Franky asked from her spot in the doorway. Her curiosity would not be satiated by Bridget’s fibs.
“I dunno,” Bridget shook her head slightly, biting her bottom lip. Her mind swirled with incomprehensible thoughts once more. She had tried and struggled so many times to untangle the knots within to be able to fully explain what it was about Franky that rattled her so.
“Do you want to know what I think?” Franky whispered, taking a tiny step closer. “I think that it is easier,” Franky paused, reconsidering her words. “safer for you to use these books to say how you’re really feeling out loud. So I’m going to ask you once again, Miss Westfall. What is it that you are afraid of?”
Bridget’s mouth hung open as Franky repeated those same damn words from the library that night she had felt herself come alive. There was no use hiding it anymore. Bridget had laid the trail of breadcrumbs and just as she had hoped, Franky had devoured every last one of them. She had interpreted everything Bridget had wanted to say, but couldn’t. Franky understood the secret language that she was trying to speak so implicitly it was like second nature, or perhaps even first. She inhaled a shaky breath to quell the ache in her lungs, summoning the courage to speak.
“I’m afraid that… even if something were to happen between us… you’d grow bored of me and whether intentional or not, you would break my heart…and maybe possibly drive me insane in the process.” Bridget cringed once the words hit the open air of her dorm room. She expected Franky to erupt in cackling laughter at Bridget’s deepest and darkest fears, but she didn’t. She didn’t make a sound. Fearful, Bridget cracked her eyes back open to see Franky standing there, staring right back at her with her face unwavering. The brunette reached out, capturing Bridget’s fingertips in her uninjured hand, holding them lightly in her palm.
“Bridget, there is absolutely no possible way that I would ever grow bored of you,” Franky whispered, taking care to enunciate each word slowly with complete sincerity, hoping that Bridget would finally believe her. She felt her own heart flutter in her chest at the confession. Despite her experience, this was all new to Franky. The truths poured from her like water down a stream, unable to be stopped even if she tried.
“Well, it seems you already have,” Bridget shrugged, clearing her throat and carefully extracting her fingers from Franky’s grasp. Her eyes flashed towards the shared wall between her and Kim’s rooms. It took Franky no more than a few beats to follow Bridget’s thoughts.
“What? Kim?” Franky’s brows raised upwards in shock. “Kim’s nothing like, it’s just…” Franky paused as she considered her words. “She’s a distraction,” she admitted honestly.
“And what am I?” Bridget inquired, fearful of the response. Everything, Franky wanted to say. She felt fucking terrified at the thought of risking it all only to be left shattered by Bridget once more. She didn’t think she could stand showing Bridget her soul again only to have it crushed and tossed away.
“I think we both already know the answer to that,” Franky remarked instead, knowing Bridget would understand the significance behind her words.
“It doesn’t even matter. I’m with Jake.” Bridget’s arms were back and crossed protectively over her chest, she shook her head as if trying to wake herself from another intoxicating dream. Why was she even entertaining such sinful thoughts?
Normally Franky would retreat away from pushing anymore, she knew Bridget was as sensitive as a newborn fawn. But it had truly enraged her that Bridget had given her these books full of hidden messages and then was going to do nothing. Instead Franky laughed and shook her head in utter confusion.
“We know,” Franky agreed sarcastically. “We all know you’re with Jake, but no one has a fucking clue why. He’s like a parasite latching onto you and dragging you down. You say that you’re happy, but you can’t lie to me.” Franky stepped forward again in an attempt to dare her into action. “I see you, Bridget. I see you for who you really are underneath this whole mask you wear for everyone else. And you know what?” Franky licked her lips preparing her next words. Franky’s own eyes narrowed in on her wide blue. “I think I might be the first person in your life who has, and it scares the fuck out of you. You might have them fooled, but you can’t hide from me,” Franky poked further than she ever had before.
“I know! Okay?! I know!” Bridget uncharacteristically raised her voice, her face slowly turning crimson in color. Normally she was the definition of poised and calm, but something about Franky stoked the embers inside her heart into raging flames. “I’m… fucking confused, Franky!” Bridget Westfall had finally broken open and spilled the truth. “Is that what you want to hear?!” Franky watched as tears poured from her crystal eyes in a torrent, she froze in shock. “I’m so fucking confused and nothing makes sense anymore.” Bridget paused to catch her breath, pulling her hands into the sleeves of her sweatshirt. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what you said that night and…” The words repeated once again in a dizzying haze.
Do you ever get tired of fighting that little voice in your head?
The one that’s telling you that this is wrong?
That what you’re feeling can’t be real?
But what if it is?
What if this is?
“And I can’t even talk to anyone because no one understands except you! But you…you want nothing to do with me!” Bridget shook her head relentlessly as she continued bearing the depths of her soul. “And what’s even more confusing is that being around you makes it even worse, but I still… miss you,” Bridget cried as the weight of the truth was finally lifted from her shaking shoulders and into the shared air between them.
Franky was stunned. She wordlessly pulled Bridget into her arms and held her closely as tears consumed her, soaking through Franky’s sweatshirt. She ran her good arm along the length of Bridget’s back hoping to ease her pain. Gradually she melted into the comforting embrace, letting the soothing lull of Franky’s touch bring her back down to earth. When her tears slowed, Franky broke away to see her reddened tear-stained face. Franky sat on the edge of Bridget’s bed, motioning her to sit alongside her. Bridget listened, wiping her sore eyes on the edge of her sleeves. Franky inhaled deeply through her nose, placing a hand on Bridget’s knee.
“I’m sorry for pushing you away. Believe me, it was nothing to do with not wanting to be your friend or wanting to spend time with you. It’s because I was really hurt…I like you, and I was starting to think that you liked me too. I know that what you’re feeling can feel really fucking lonely, especially when you feel like you can’t talk to anyone. Bridget, if that’s what you need… Just someone to talk to, that’s okay,” Franky nodded reassuringly. She could put aside her feelings if Bridget needed a confidant. After experiencing what life was like with Bridget’s so-called friends, she knew that the blonde needed some type of lifeline.
“I just feel like…everything in my life has already been planned for me whether or not I like it. It’s like I wake up and they throw the script at me and I’m just…doing and saying what they tell me to or what I think that I should,” Bridget sighed, her voice sounded strained from the effort of her tormented cries.
“Have you heard about compulsory heterosexuality?” Franky figured it wasn’t a new topic considering how well-read Bridget had proven herself to be. The girl was smart as a fucking whip. Surprisingly to Franky, Bridget shook her head as her gaze fell back down to the floor.
“I can’t look up stuff like that, my parents would freak out. That’s why I read books. Who can get mad at someone for reading a book?” Franky couldn’t help the quick sudden surge in her heart. She also sought to escape into literature. It was hard to find people who felt the same way anymore. Franky understood Bridget’s urge to dive deeply into books because they were safe.
“Well, it talks a lot about what you just said to me. You feel like you have to behave a certain way because that’s the way it always is,” Franky knew that her definition was rather basic, but she hoped she had captured it clearly enough to toss Bridget the rope in her cave of darkness.
“That’s exactly what it feels like,” Bridget nodded appreciatively.
““A lot of people feel that way. I felt that way for a long time. Just know that you’re not alone, okay? You’ve got me. How long have you felt this way?”
“This is embarrassing,” Bridget shook her head, her face cringing.
“No it’s not. Would it help you if I went first? Laura Dern. Jurassic Park. 1993,” Franky opened up instantly. She remembered it like it was yesterday. The warm feeling that penetrated her heart when she saw the actress’ face lit up on the big screen.
“What?” Bridget tilted her head, perplexed at the sudden change of conversation.
“I cannot tell you how many times I rewatched that movie to see her in those khaki shorts fighting raptors. I thought I wanted to be a paleo-botanist because of her. Turns out I just wanted to get in her pants,” Franky blushed and she hoped she didn’t just humiliate herself. Bridget giggled, unable to hide the slight smile from her tearstained face.
“Have you ever seen the movie Matilda?” Bridget whispered after a moment of quiet reflection.
“Duh,” Franky rolled her eyes. “Let me guess, Miss-”
“Miss Honey,” Bridget confirmed sheepishly before Franky had a chance to finish.
“That absolutely tracks,” Franky smiled broadly. She saw Bridget’s shoulders relax a bit as they laughed.
“I once purposefully failed an eye exam so I could get glasses like hers,” Bridget blushed and Franky couldn’t resist the laughter bubbling up from her chest.
“Of course, you did. I bet you looked really fucking cute, Gidge,” Franky bumped her side against Bridget’s playfully.
“Thank you. It feels good to talk about this,” Bridget felt the load on her shoulders had decreased significantly now that she had someone to share it with.
“Anytime,” Franky patted her knee. “Can I ask about Jake? … What is it then?”
“We grew up together, our families have always been close. It just seemed like the obvious thing to do… His father just merged his business with mine.” Bingo, Franky thought.
“Oh. So it’s not a match of love, more of convenience,” she nodded understandingly.
“More like penance,” Bridget corrected. Franky whistled at the shocking candor of Bridget’s words.
“Pretend I didn’t say that,” the blonde cringed and rubbed her eyes.
“All your secrets are safe with me, Westfall,” Franky promised as mimed locking her lips and tossing the key over her shoulder. She would do anything to make Bridget smile.
“What about Kim?” Bridget dared to ask.
“What about her?” Franky shrugged.
“Why are you dating her?” Bridget’s eyes flickered downward again, insecure in Franky’s upcoming response.
“We aren’t dating,” Franky corrected. Kim and Franky hadn’t had that conversation yet. Granted Kim had tried, but Franky was a master in the art of distraction.
“What would you call it then?” Bridget’s brow creased, trying to understand Franky’s logic. Clearly there was something between the two. Bridget had seen and more appropriately heard evidence of the fact.
“We just… have fun,” Franky exhaled, unsure of how to explain the true nature of her situation-ship to Bridget.
“You mean you have sex,” Bridget corrected.
“Yes.” Franky nodded once, hoping that by her lack of response Bridget would take the hint that she didn’t really care to discuss the more fine details of her encounters.
“And is that all it is?” Bridget tried once more to pull any bit of information from her.
“I mean, we study together sometimes. But yeah, mostly it’s just that,” Franky nodded.
“And you like that? Just…sex?”
“What are you on about?” Franky nodded her chin towards Bridget, trying to decipher where her current line of questioning was leading them.
“Well first you hooked up with Erica and then now it’s Kim,” Bridget explained her observations. Franky had built a bit of a reputation for herself in her short time at Lawrenceville. Bridget had the unfortunate pleasure of not only hearing Kim but also Erica’s incredibly vivid explanations of what Franky was capable of.
“I’ve never really dated dated before,” Franky confessed, somehow feeling slightly timid to voice the truth out loud to Bridget.
“Why not? Haven’t you been with a lot of girls?”
“Not a lot… I mean, you heard what Erica said at the dance. I’m not exactly some kind of prize you take home to the parents,” Franky rolled her eyes. She saw the slight falter on Bridget’s face as she spoke. “Or maybe you just think I’m a fuck boy,” Franky smirked.
“A what?” Bridget’s brow creased, perplexed by her words.
“Someone who just fucks around,” Franky defined the term for her.
“Well, aren’t you kind of?” the blonde raised a perfectly sculpted brow in question.
“I mean… I guess in theory. It’s not because I don’t want to date anyone.”
“So what is it then?” Franky took a deep breath in through her nose debating her next move. She could play it safe and respond with a basic yet passable answer or she could tell the truth. Either way the idea of being vulnerable with Bridget after everything scared the fuck out of her. She knew what it felt like to be cast to the side and she didn’t think she’d be able to stand it if it happened again. But at the same time…it just felt different with her. Franky took a deep breath in filling her lungs with confidence.
“The physical stuff is easier for me than the emotional stuff… I don’t like to talk a lot about my past. I haven’t found anyone that I feel like I want to open up that way too.” The way I do with you.
“You fascinate me, Franky Doyle,” Bridget laughed through her nose and shook her head at the complexities of the girl beside her.
“Likewise,” Franky hummed in agreement.
“It seems like we’re pretty much on our own this week. Most of the upperclassmen have all gone. There’s some freshman staying to do extra courses, but that’s about it. If you want to hang out, I mean,” Bridget’s blue eyes were back at her feet self-consciously as she awaited Franky’s response. The thought of spending uninterrupted time with Bridget was truly so thrilling that Franky had to try her best to contain her smile from beaming across her face.
“Of course, I do. But I’ve still got work study in the library every day if you don’t mind-“
“Can I come?” Bridget’s eyes widened in excitement.
Franky decided then that even with a minor concussion and broken wrist, it was going to be a fun vacation after all.